【Native Speaker每日综合训练—29系列】【29-19】经管 Online Dating

kimwang53

Official Weibo: http://weibo.com/u/3476904471

Part I: Speaker

Article1

The Economics of Online Dating

[Rephrase 1]

[Dialog, 14min 08sec]


Source: hbr
http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/12/the-economics-of-online-dating/

kimwang53

Part II: Speed

Article 2:

6 online dating tips

[Time 2]
There is a bit of a stigma about online dating. You might think it's for people who are less social than you are. Or perhaps you're worried that someone you know might come across your dating profile and tease you about it. But everybody knows someone who has met their spouse or significant other online, so there is evidence that good things can come of dating in the digital world.

Julie Spira, an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of cyberdatingexpert.com, shares six tips for finding a date online.

1. Create an irresistible profile
The first step toward making an online connection is to create a profile that gets noticed. "Men are so visual, they don't read your entire profile. But they do look through your photos," says Spira.

She recommends looking your best for these pictures and to post three to five images, since men respond more favourably to a higher number of photos. Your primary photo should be a headshot where you're smiling and looking into the camera, and where you look relaxed and approachable. You should also include a full-length shot.

"If you don't post a full-length photo he will think you have something to hide," Spira says. "Men want to see the full package." The next shot should be an activity shot, maybe of you on vacation or doing an activity that you enjoy, to show off more of your personality.
【236】

[Time 3]
2. Pursue online dating like you would a job
When you're on the hunt for a new job, you invest time in putting together a clean résumé that presents you well and searching for the perfect positions to apply for. And when you get a call back for an interview, you put your best foot forward whether it ultimately leads to a job or not. If it doesn't, you don't quit looking for a job, you stay on the hunt until you find one.

The same idea applies to dating online, says Spira. Don't let a bad experience discourage you or cause you to write off online dating as a whole. "Make the kind of effort that you put into your business résumé and consider your online profile your love life résumé," she says.

3. Take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible
Since there is only so much you can learn about a person digitally, it's important to talk on the phone with any potential dates to see if you have phone chemistry. "You go back and forth with emails, instant messages and texts, and at the end of the day you have yourself a digital pen pal," says Spira. "The point of online dating is that it's just a vehicle to get you to meet someone offline in real life." So if you're still chatting online but haven't gone on a date, it's best to move on. If he's not available to date you in real life, find someone who is, Spira says.
【258】

[Time 4]
4. Don't waste your time
When you do connect with someone and arrange to meet them in person, if it's not going well (whether there's no chemistry or you have nothing in common), be honest about it. Spira suggests saying something like: "I really enjoy talking to you, but I don't know if we have enough in common or if I feel a connection." Your date might be offended, but chances are he will appreciate your honesty. "Don't waste your time when you know in your heart of hearts that it's not going to be right," she says.

5. Do some research -- but not too much
People are going to Google each other and that's OK, but don't go overboard with your background checks. "I want people to look at the people they are going on dates with on Facebook to see if the profiles match. Check out that he is who he says he is, so you can feel safe before you go on a date with him," says Spira. But if you start reading his Twitter feed, his Facebook wall and monitoring his every move, it's a downward spiral. "There is a fine balance between too much information and enough information to make you feel safe," she says.

6. Keep the pressure off
Look at online dating as an opportunity to expand your social or business network -- it will help take off some of the pressure. The less pressure you put on the process, the more successful it will be. "Don't go on a date thinking about him being 'the one' -- do it to expand your network," advises Spira. Continue to set up other dates and to see who else is out there. "Don't get in the 'I'm in an instant relationship' mentality, because it will scare him," she says.

When you're dating online it's important to commit to the process and to go with your gut instinct. And make sure to be real with how you represent yourself and how you behave in a relationship. "There is nothing worse than being inauthentic," says Spira.
【350】
Source: canadianliving
http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/dating_advice/6_online_dating_tips_2.php

Article 3:

Why We Don’t Trust Online-Dating Sites — but Use Them Anyway

[Time 5]
According to the latest surveys, 11% of Americans say they have looked online for love. But that doesn’t mean that daters are happy with what they find.

In the latest Pew Research Center’s online-dating and relationships poll — the group’s first look at digital dating since its last survey in 2005 — people’s mistrust about their online partners emerged as their biggest concern with computerized matching services. More than half of online daters felt that at least one of their matches misrepresented himself or herself — in other words, that the match lied about his or her likes, dislikes, personality traits and even appearance.

“One guy I went on a date with used pictures of himself that were from about seven years ago,” Maggie Klimentova, a New Yorker who used (and eventually met her boyfriend on) OkCupid, says of her online-dating experience. “When I actually met him, he was 4 inches shorter than me and balding.”

And yet despite rampant misinformation, more people than ever are logging onto dating sites, thanks to a decline in the stigma of digital dating over the past eight years. Now, 38% of singles who are “looking for a partner” use a dating site or app.

And, according to the Pew poll, more daters expect that the people they meet on the site will lie about themselves. Faking any part of an online-dating profile, however, may be a shortsighted strategy. Sure, you may get the attention you want initially, but eventually a match is bound to discover your lies. And even if the lies aren’t immediately discoverable — such as not being truthful about previous marriages or a desire to have children, for example — those types of lies can do long-term damage to a relationship, says clinical psychologist and relationship expert Michelle Golland. “People think that it’s something they won’t have to worry about, but it is a huge problem that’s harder to overcome later in the relationship,” she says.
【322】

[Time 6]
So why do people do it? And more important, if so many online-dating users assume people are garnishing their profiles in some way, why do they continue to look for relationships on these sites? Golland says it’s easy to understand why people fib online: “Unless you’re a sociopath, it’s generally easier to lie on a profile than it is to lie to someone’s face.”

For some, lying may also seem like the only option for finding dates. “People who lie on their profiles fear that they’re not worthy and may never have a relationship because of their job or how they look,” she says.

That can lead to a desperation with serious consequences; 42% of women who used online dating felt that they were harassed or contacted in a way that made them feel uncomfortable, according to the poll. Klimentova says her bad date harassed her online for weeks.

Understanding why people still find digital dating appealing, despite its shortcomings, is a little more complicated. For one, having more options may be a benefit when it comes to finding a match. “I think having a lot of options is a good thing,” says Golland. Some studies have found that the plethora of candidates online skews relationships toward the shallow side, since people have an instinctive tendency to shop around and not invest time or effort into each choice when there are so many to consider. And 32% of Internet users agreed that “online dating keeps people from settling down because they always have options for people to date.”

But Golland believes that people will stop dating if they feel they have found the one for them. “When you do, you’ll stop. You won’t want to keep dating,” she says. And you certainly won’t want the other person to keep dating.” She could be right. As the poll showed, people are starting to believe that the hazards of online dating are worth the trouble: 5% of married and serious couples in the U.S., and 11% of couples who started dating in the past 10 years, met through online dating.
【348】
Source: time
http://healthland.time.com/2013/10/21/why-we-dont-trust-online-dating-sites-but-use-them-anyway/

kimwang53

Part III: Obstacle

Article 4:

Can Online Dating Lead to Love?

[Time 7]

Alice, a marketing executive in her 40s, has been a member on and off of the Jewish dating site JDate.com for years; at her count, she’s been on more than 100 dates with men from the greater Dallas region. But the more she lingers on the site, she says, the harder it is to settle on any one suitor. She blames online dating for her inability to determine who, precisely, qualifies as her perfect match. The catalog of possible dates is just too infinite.

When Alice mentioned this predicament to me at a conference last week in Texas, she was echoing the growing sentiment that online-dating sites actually prevent people from finding long-term partners. But I told her she only has herself to blame.

The “tyranny of choice” theory posits that surrounded by too many options, we become paralyzed, overwhelmed and unable to make a decision. Some of us begin to think that we have infinite opportunities and become lured by the prospect of bigger, better deals. Others just want out, so they’re willing to settle for someone who seems good enough at that moment in time.

But this phenomenon is only applicable for those people who aren’t really looking for long-term love. They may not willingly admit this to their friends and family as they complain that there are just too many choices, but the reality is that an online dater will never really find satisfaction if she doesn’t know for whom she’s actually searching. Dating sites and the algorithms they employ don’t assess us on the qualities we’re looking for in others; rather, they ask us for data about ourselves. As I argue in my book, people are perpetually single or labor on in unfulfilling relationships not because of tyranny of choice but because they haven’t created a specific list of what they want in a mate. “Aligning on religion, finances and family” doesn’t qualify as a list. To wit: if you were to visit a grocery store with a list that simply read “meat, produce, dairy,” you’d have a hard time choosing and settling on the right items too.

I believe that I was successful at finding the perfect person for me because I made an extremely granular and specific list, noting everything from acceptable attitudes toward work and sports to what type of jazz he should like. In all, I had 72 attributes that I parsed into two sections: one was a top-tier list of 10 deal-breaker characteristics, and the other was a secondary tier of 15 important qualities I would demand in a partner. I assigned each of those attributes varying point scores that reflected how important each was to me.

Example: I wanted someone who was Jew … ish. I need someone who was raised in a Jewish household. He should know what’s kosher and what’s not, what all the holidays are, the lore and the history. He should know how to survive long shul services on nothing more than a few hard candies from his bubbie’s purse and a promise that if he will just sit still for five minutes, everyone can stop for ice cream on the way home. He has to understand all the inside jokes and have the same set of shared experiences. But he can’t be religious at all. It will be too difficult for me to fake a belief in God. If we don’t have exactly the same point of view on religion, it will absolutely cause problems during marriage. I know it may be a rare breed, but he must be a cultural, emotional, linguistic, intellectual, gastronomic, nonreligious Jew. Total points = 97.

Once I had my list, I created a mathematical formula to assess each possible candidate before we went out on a date. A possible suitor had to reach a minimum threshold of 700 points for us to chat online or on the phone, and more points were required for us to meet in person. Suddenly, out of a possible dating pool of several thousand men, there were only two or three realistic possibilities.

You don’t need to be a math geek or a computer scientist to find true love online. Online dating is a very effective, efficient way of meeting the perfect partner. But only if you determine exactly what you want and you’ve developed some kind of framework — you can use doodles, or color-coded marks or whatever makes the most sense – to evaluate the data first. The good news for everyone is that you can build immunity to the tyranny of choice.
【759】

Source：
http://ideas.time.com/2013/02/14/how-to-game-online-dating/

小鱼上树

疏离好~首页好邻居~

29-19

Speaker

Searching is costly but can be rewarded-everyone hasdifferent standard for a life partner-both sides has to agree-need to give upother options-maximum happiness-it has a lot in common with job market

2 236 1min10

3 258 1min07

4 350 1min15

6 tips for online dating-create a whole package profile, put3-5 photos to be attractive-invest time like we are looking for a perfectjob-don’t have high expectation, just relax-don’t waste your time or other’stime if it’s not going to work out-put the pen pal into reality-do enough researchto be safe

5 322 1min55

6 348 1min48

It’s easy to lie on the profile than lie to someone’s facebut it is still hard to overcome later. We all know the online dater will lieabout something but we still want to have the options. People tend to keeplooking until they get the one.

Obstacle 759 3min55

Online dating system is not the reason for someone refuse tosettle down. Actually it’s a really efficient way to find the perfect one onlyif you know what you are looking for.

疏离无罪

占~~~~今天好早 感谢KIM  又跟小鱼做邻居啦
越障的作者真是牛逼。。这标准真是细

Speaker:Search is both costly and rewarding.And search is necessary to find a life partner.Shopping a partner need both side agreements.Loneliness in the partner market is basically similar to unemployment in the job market.Signaling is made to be expensive to present their realy interest in sb.This policy can also be applied in job market.But now getting in touch is cost lower.Signaling can be really efficient in some case.Apply a less desirable company.Ultimatums are good method taht can lead people to accept jobs that are not appropriate to them.

00:56
Six tips about online dating
1 Create an irresistible profile  Men prefers photos.

00:40
2 Pursue online dating like you would a job 3 Take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible

01:24
4 Don't waste your time  Be honest if you have no feeling to him
5 Do some research -- but not too much 6 Keep the pressure off  View it as expanding your social network

01:37
People do not trust online dating for many reasons such as misinformation.
Faking any part of an online-dating profile is a shortsighted strategy.

01:47
It is more easier to lie on a profile and lying may be an only way for sb to find dates.
Online dating is a easy way for people to have much more choice.And people will stop dating when they find a right person.

04:23
Main Idea:Oline dating is a good way to meet person and help you to find you long-term partner only when you know what you want.
Online dating prevent people from finding long-term partner.Tyranmy of choice theory is a good explaination to it.People will be difficult to make a decision if they have too many options.
So online dating should not be blamed and what is really need to be blamed is those people who do not have a specific list on the partner who they are finding.
The author raise herself as an example.She has a specific list and formula to find her partner.
Online dating is a very effective, efficient way of meeting the perfect partner. But only if you determine exactly what you want and you’ve developed some kind of framework,can you really find him or her.

sherlock1992

Thx, Kim!  29期快结束了。

Speaker:
The economics of online dating:
*search cost: whatever must be given up to search some item.
life-partner-picking is different from commodity-picking because life partner cannot be substituted. And that process of searching is costly. Online dating can diminish that cost.  Meanwhile, online dating is such a process like job-hiring, in which the two parties must mutually accept. Signaling in that process is critical. Likewise, such signaling is also valuable in a case where it doesn't seem as plausible that you're particularly interested in somebody or some job or something like that.

Speed:
1'22''
1'18''
1'45''
2'04''
1'59''

Obstacle-4'34''
you can build a filter mechanism such as a weighted formula to select a suiter for you to date in this way to avoid the tyranny of choice.

aobender

占先，这就补

Time2 02：33 94.4w/min

A expert of online dating has 6 tips of dating to share with us.

The first one is to have a good-looking photo.

Time3 02:13 115w/min

You should regard dating online as finding a job and you should turn the online dating into offline dating as soon as possible.

Time4 3:07 112w/min

We should not waste our time and we should check enough information to keep us safe, but not go too far. At last, we should be authentic and not be too nervous.

Time5 3：15 100w/min

A lot of people don’t trust the information show online of their partners.Expert said that lying to the one you would date has some bad effect.

Time6 3:47 93w/min

Obstacle 07：46  98w/min

The passage told us the more choice we have, the harder for us to settle down. But we cannot blame the online dating system, and we can built our own frame to select the right person to date.

Talitha

2:1'34:236
-online dating works
-tips:1 men prefer picture than profile. So post best picture. post several of them. Showing your full body and pictures that you were on vocation.

3:1'27:258
-clear and well present yourself online just like you do for applying job.
-meet person online in real life

4:2'14:350
-be honest with each other. If you feel he is not the right one, just say no. Do not waste each other's time
-do some research of the person you are going to meet but not too much research.
-do not stress yourself and him on the relationship.

5:2'10:322
-people do not trust online dating but look at dating website anyway
-one reason is people can fake the profile.
-misinformation will do long term damage to the relationship.

6:2'10:348
-people lie because they want more attention
-women get harassed by online daters
-online daters are hard to settle down because they always have someone else to date to .
-but it may not be true because online daters do not want their partner to keep on dating someone else too. so they stop.

7:5'1:759
-Author started with Alice example.
-Alice blame dating website for preventing her from finding the perfect one. There are too many options and the list goes on and on. She had hard time to decision who to be long term partner
-Author replied by saying online daters have to know what they want and rough framework.
-author gave example of how to decide what online daters want. It will be easier if we shop with a shopping list.

lilacrabbit

谢谢kim

掌管 6        00:06:08.71        00:16:27.04
掌管 5        00:02:53.90        00:10:18.32
掌管 4        00:02:10.46        00:07:24.42
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jokerking

speed：  1.07   1.06   1.32   1.40   1.45
obstacle  ：   4.05    太恐怖了。。。难道不能follow the feeling吗。。。
Alice complained she has a choose problem on online dating.  
the only reason of this situation is too choosy for longterm love : tyrany of choice.
author give her advice : make a list of characteristics of dreaming lover but not too much and then evaluate partners using these criterias.
example of this evaluation procress and author think this theory can help people find their perfect partner.