Lexi 作文作业贴~求指导

苦大仇深的Lexi

9.6独立

Youngpeople today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than youngpeople were at the past.
由于很久没有动笔写东西,速度甚慢,求批评! 60min 511words

Do you notice that many educators debate fiercely on the topic of people born in 90s who are at the height of their youth and vigor. Some of them insist that young people nowadays are full of innovation and desire to make the world better with some influence changes. On the contrary, the others claim that the youth today lack the concern about their society even about their families, not to mention the whole world. When it comes to me, I definitely fall into the second category.

To begin with, it is obvious that now parents pay more attention to their children than parents did in the past. As a result,many of the young people are spoiled and develop selfish characters. The only thing they think about is themselves. Take a glance of my cousin who is 18year-old,as an adult, hardly can he be responsible for his own behavior. Once in a rainy autumn day, we had a trip in Hangzhou to climb the mountain there. Careless as I was, I slipped and broke my ankle. It was really hurt that I could almost bear the pain and cried out. Guess what my cousin did? He just stood there watching at my painful face and said ‘You really turns me off’. Then he turned around,kept walking and let me behind. What a selfish boy he is. How can people like him to improve the world?

Moreover, young people have a qualified living standard which let them satisfy with their current status. Unlike young peoplein the past, they get less motivation to spare their effort to perfect the world. Dated back, there was a very famous student campaign called the May 4th movement in China. Many young people gathered on the street, shouting and proclaiming, in order to gain their rights. Although many brave young men died in the event, they really pushed the revolution in the later years. In nowadays society unfair is still resisting, but no young man will stand out to represent the mass-based and no one has the desire to improve.

Last, today’s young people cannot bear the hardships.The life they want is some kind of luxuriant like that in the palace. They enjoy the fruits of elder generation and pay no thanks to the society. For example, many graduates want a job which is comfortable, less work pressure and high salary. In the team work, they usually pick the lightest things to do. Afterwork, going to the bar is the most favourite activity. Seldom do they learn more knowledge or skills to improve their ability and to promote their career.They even do not give effort improving themselves how can they attribute to the world.

From what has been discussed, I draw the conclusion that the youth today cannot be responsible to make our world better.Unless they can have grateful hearts, improve their own abilities and care about people around them, they will not be able to enhance greater living standard and make a bright future for the next generation.

苦大仇深的Lexi

9.6综合TPO1    285 words
Both the reading passage and the speech focus on the topic whether companies should apply four-day work strategy. The former believes that the advantages of adopting four-day work strategy overweight the disadvantages while the latter casts doubt on such a belief.

First, the reading passage holds that four-day workweek would increase companies’ profits without reducing the amount of work by hiring more employees. Nevertheless, the lecture maintains that employing more workers will increase a lot of additional fee such as training and medical insurance. Moreover, more employees means more space. Companies should expand their office area and install new computers, which is very money consuming. Thus, hiring more employees cannot make profits but, in turn, hurt companies’ interest.

Second, the article posits that this strategy will decline the unemployment rate since some of the workload would have to be transmitted to others. In contrast, the lecturer demonstrates deep opposition to such a claim, by stating that companies have other options. For instance, they will let employees work overtime because they raise their expectation that four-day employees can do as much work as five-day employees. Therefore, there is no need to hire more workers.

Third, according to the passage, it is better for individual to accept a shortened workweek as his or she will get more time to do whatever he or she likes. Conversely, as the speaker affirms, four-day employees will endure more risk to have a qualified life. If companies were in recession, the four-day employees would be the first group to lose their jobs. The reason is that they show less passion than longer workweek employees and have less job ability which can attribute to their companies. Hence, they cannot afford leisure activities.

fj99564

苦大仇深的Lexi 发表于 2013-9-7 10:16
9.6综合TPO1    285 words
Both the reading passage and the speech focus on the topic whether companie ...

亲，实在不好意思，现在才批改好你的作文。。。而且我作文太烂了，可能不能给你什么太多建议

苦大仇深的Lexi

fj99564 发表于 2013-9-9 10:20
亲，实在不好意思，现在才批改好你的作文。。。而且我作文太烂了，可能不能给你什么太多建议 ...

同学不好意思,今天才看到你的综合作文

苦大仇深的Lexi

9.9号作业已完成,求批改~

虫虫爱吃菜

苦大仇深的Lexi 发表于 2013-9-10 15:33
9.9号作业已完成,求批改~

你写的很好哦，要向你学习！

pengxudong

苦大仇深的Lexi 发表于 2013-9-10 15:33
9.9号作业已完成,求批改~

写得很好呀，例子用得都很贴切。
多注意一下短语搭配就行了

苦大仇深的Lexi

9.11 独立+综合已完成
麻烦同学狠批啦~~~谢谢各位

wanggang0411

苦大仇深的Lexi 发表于 2013-9-12 16:31
9.11 独立+综合已完成
麻烦同学狠批啦~~~谢谢各位

改好了, 细节都COVER住了, 写的很好, 加油!

暴风雨小圆

红色为亮点，蓝色为建议，紫色是疑惑
层次很清晰，建议第三段的第一句话把benefits简单的具体化。因为第一个好处是enhance```,第三个好处是close bond```,这些都是benefits,所以根据第三段的解释再把第一句话specify会更完整。第一次修改独立写作，有许多不足，欢迎Lexi指正，我们一起进步：）

Parents, a group of people who conduct children’s behavior, are(are 建议修改成play an) indispensible roles in children’s development. Some people hold that parents should pay more attention on academic(academy) and school. However, others believe that spending more time with children to play(换成have fun比较好，play我记得不能这样用，之前上课听老师讲说有种小孩过家家的感觉，下同) and do sports is more important. When it comes to me, I definitely fall into（不太清楚这个用法0 0） the second statement.

To begin with, exercising can enhance children’s body。As a saying goes” Health is the first wealth. ”Especially for children, health is more important than academic. Only when they have a good health can they pursue whatever they want. In addition, having sports with children can guide them（主语指代不明确，或者可以把这一句的childre改成Parents） to have a good sense of community. Take my experience as an example, once my father and I worked as one team to beat another team in a badminton game, the only thing I cared was catching the ball and hitting it back but the result was not satisfied(satsfying). We lose the first round. Then my father told me that I should cooperate with him and not just think about get a score by myself. Following my father’s conduction, not only did we win the game but also I learnt to cooperate with others. 这段没有明确描写“我”在最初没有和父亲合作，我觉得加上的话更能突出前后的对比。另外，conduction更具体一点就更完美啦，

Moreover, playing games with children also brings considerable benefits. From playing puzzles, children can cultivate their patience and carefulness; from playing building blocks, children can ignite their creativeness and imagination; and from playing Sudoku, children can improve their calculating and inferential ability. Parents need not to push their children to do the homework, force them to take training class or compel them to do some research programs. Learn from play. Is not that what many parents eager to achieve?

Finally, spending more time to accompany children can establish a close bond between parents and children. Image, if you come back from school, your parents are always talking about your grade and school. What do you feel? Annoy(annoyed与前一句的feel对应)? Dislike? Absolutely, you will have these negative emotions. Therefore, the best way for parents to communicate with their children is playing. If parents did so, children would be more likely to open their heart, telling parents what happened at school and to feel the care and love from parents. It is surprising that playing, such a little thing, can promote family harmony.

With all the aspects taken into consideration, why not parents play with children instead of talking academic things? In this way, we can learn things（具体到某种virtue,ability之类的更生动：）） which we can never learn from classes, store wonderful childhood memories and understand our parent thoroughly and perfectly. School, homework and grade are not the whole things involved in one’s life. Anyone deserves a better and happier life, filled with laugh, fun and warm memories.