刚刚收到了EssayEdge修改过的文书。我用的是标准版，官网上说这个版本除了有校对服务，还有“Constructive critique with detailed advice for how to make your essay more compelling and relevant”都是骗人的！！根本没有什么constructive critique!! 闹太套！！还不如用最简单的校对版本呢！我查了一下帮我改文章的人，John Lurz, 以前也帮别人改过医学院申请的文章。但是我选的是MBA文章修改，按照他家网站上的说法，他应该帮我找大牛商院的人改文章。
Thank you for choosing EssayEdge. I have thoroughly inspected your submission for infelicities of style, word choice issues, passive voice, clichés, abrupt transitions, and of course, grammatical errors. You have an excellent start on some very strong writing, and I enjoyed reading and editing your work. I particularly liked the specificity with which you discuss your career goals and the reasons why XXX is a good place for you to study.
You will notice that I have repeatedly smoothed out your syntax and phrasing to make your writing more concise. For instance, in the second to last paragraph, I have mentioned XXX’s “quantitative focus” rather than your description of how the school “welcomes newly graduated students with a demonstrated quantitative aptitude.” Additionally, I have deleted unnecessary or illogical verbiage to shorten the piece.
I do not think it is necessary to rehearse that you are finishing college in two years, since this will be evident in the transcript. If you would like to include that, however, I suggest adding a parenthetical remark after you mention Illinois’s prestigious accounting program – something like “(which I have been able to complete in two rather than four years).”
If you would like to view all the changes I made, you can use the Track Changes feature in Microsoft Word. Once in MW, Click "Tools" then "Track Changes," then "Highlight Changes," then check "Highlight Changes On Screen. If you are using the Microsoft XP version of Word, click "Tools" then "Track Changes." A Track Changes drop down menu and icon will appear. Make sure the icon is selected (depressed), and then use the drop down menu to select one of the following versions to view:
If you employ the Track Changes feature -- which I find indispensable for this type of edit -- you will notice that I have made substantial edits throughout every paragraph.
Looking for additional inspiration? EssayEdge is here to help. We're dispensing writing wisdom on our blog (http://www.essayedge.com/blog) and providing up-to-the-minute information, including admissions and essay tips, on Twitter (@EssayEdge). We also encourage you to become a fan of EssayEdge on Facebook to keep track of our latest updates and exclusive deals. Check us out!
Thank you for choosing EssayEdge. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about this revision. My e-mail address is provided and I will respond to questions within one day.
Best of luck with your application!
Sincerely,
John Lurz EssayEdge Editor john_lurz@essayedgesupport.com
PS You should receive a link to a customer satisfaction survey located at the bottom of the email in which you received this completed order. I encourage you to take the time to tell EssayEdge what you thought of my work. You will also receive a discount coupon for use on additional orders when you fill out the survey.
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发表于 2012-11-12 22:39:02
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