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(AI78)斑竹excellent提议的关于建筑的困难文章,我的拙作

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楼主
发表于 2003-11-2 09:37:00 | 只看该作者

(AI78)斑竹excellent提议的关于建筑的困难文章,我的拙作

AI 78 (frequency 3  gold 80)

Most people would agree that buildings represent a valuable record of any society’s past, but controversy arises when old buildings stand on ground that modern planners feel could be better used for modern purposes.
In your opinion, which is more important---preserving historic buildings or encouraging modern development? Explain your position, using reasons and examples based on your own experiences, observations, or reading.

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2003-11-2 09:38:00 | 只看该作者
The issue of whether to raze an old, historic building to make way for progress is a complex one, since it involve a conflict between our interest in preserving our culture, tradition, and history and a legitimate need to create practical facilities that serve current utilitarian purposes. The final judgment should be weighed in many aspects. On balance, my view is that historic buildings should not be destroyed in modern society.

In the first place, historic capitals or cultural centres, which were carefully designed and meticulously constructed, should be preserved as wholesomely as possible, because they represent historic pinnacles of cultural and artistic sophistication.                   In order to see this point clearly, let us see an example: the Chinese great wall, which was built in Qin dynasty shows us the historic pinnacle of cultural and esthetical combination. The king of the Qin empery built the Great Wall to defend the foreign aggression. From the purpose of the Great Wall, people can analyse that the particular policy of the Qin dynasty focused on the military instead of the economic development. Chinese should cautiously preserve the Great Wall because the Great Wall will remind Chinese the painful historical experience to adopt the open-minded national policies rather than closed-cloorism. Preserving the Great Wall will stimulate Chinese to devote themselves into reconstructing prosperous China. The symmetrical style of the Great Wall indicates that ancient Chinese regarded symmetrical figures as the symbol of beauty.

In the second place, rare old buildings of lasting historic value that represent some bygone era are worth preserving. A case in point is that the Egypt pyramid is not only one of the four greatest constructions but also has some valuably scientific references in long run. For example, how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramid with the behindhand tool and why some scientists assume the pyramid made by outer space people. In recent years, scientists have found that the pyramids contain many advanced mathematical knowledge, geometrical principle. The mummies in these pyramids show us that the ancient chemists had grasped the sophisticated skills about keeping stuffs from corruption.           

The last but not at least, with advanced building technologies, city planners can even move the sporadic old buildings and put them together in a specially designated location. For example, some kinds of ancient constructions can be removed into a concentrated region and then officials can resolve the conflict about the rare places between the business men’s interests and the historical fans’ concerns. Successfully separating the historical fields from the business fields can benefits not only the economic development but also the preserving the valuable antiques.

So, based on the above discussion, it is not difficult to get the conclusion: people should preserve some old buildings with valuable records of the societies without sacrificing the economical development through some high technological methods. Preserving valuable ancient architectures can make people remind their historical matters and scientists discovery some exciting new points from old ones.           

小安斑竹,您答应我的,我发个独立的主题,您和您的朋友帮我严厉的批改并给予相应的分数,菜鸟把作文的得分看成GMAT的生命,谢谢斑竹,谢谢!!!!!!!
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2003-11-2 09:41:00 | 只看该作者
顺便说一下,我写的这个拙作字数490,是不是太多了,ETS的老鬼们会不会因为看的字数太多,给我个低分呢???好象ETS要求400字就可以了啊
地板
发表于 2003-11-2 12:01:00 | 只看该作者

mm,T给你指出一些语法问题。评分方面T 不了解GMAT,不能作答。

以下是引用寂寞的自由在2003-11-2 9:38:00的发言:
The issue of whether to raze an old, historic building to make way for progress is a complex one (不用complex,它多表示物体的组织结构错综复杂,改为 hot debate), since it involve (involves)a conflict between our interest in preserving our culture, tradition, and history and a legitimate need to create practical facilities that serve (serves)current utilitarian purposes. The final judgment should be weighed in many aspects. On balance, my view is that historic buildings should not be destroyed in modern society.

In the first place, historic capitals or cultural centres, which were carefully designed and meticulously constructed, should be preserved as wholesomely as possible, because they represent historic pinnacles of cultural and artistic sophistication.  In order to see this point clearly(多余,请删除), let us see (改为 consider)an example: the Chinese great wall(the Great Wall,就可以了), which was built in Qin dynasty shows us (改为is,强调它就是文化和美学造诣的象征)the historic pinnacle of cultural and esthetical combination. The king of the Qin empery built the Great Wall (had it built,注意,是皇帝让人造的,而不是他自己造的)to defend (defend against)the foreign aggression(改为invasion). From the purpose of the Great Wall, people can analyse (改为see,analyse强调的是动作,而我们这里要表达的是结论)that the particular policy of the Qin dynasty focused on the military instead of the economic development. Chinese (China)should cautiously preserve the Great Wall because the Great Wall (同一句中同一词组出现两遍,大忌讳,要注意用代词,这里是it)will remind Chinese (the Chinese,才代表中国人)the painful historical experience to adopt the open-minded national policies rather than closed-cloorism. Preserving the Great Wall will stimulate Chinese (同上)to devote themselves into reconstructing (加 a)prosperous China. The symmetrical style of the Great Wall indicates that ancient Chinese regarded symmetrical figures as the symbol of beauty.

In the second place, rare old buildings of lasting historic value that represent some bygone era are worth preserving. A case in point is that the Egypt pyramid is not only one of the four greatest constructions (in the world)but also has some valuably scientific references in  (the)long run. For example, how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramid with the behindhand tool and why some scientists assume the pyramid (was)made (built,这里就不要怕重复了,make不能用来形容建造建筑物)by outer space people. In recent years, scientists have found that the pyramids contain many (much,知识是不可数的)advanced mathematical knowledge, geometrical principle(这里没看明白你要表达什么,不过至少该是the geometrics,几何学). The mummies in these pyramids show us that the ancient chemists had grasped the sophisticated skills about keeping stuffs (stuff,该词不加 s)from corruption.           

The last but not at (改为the)least, with advanced building technologies, city planners can even move the sporadic old buildings and put them together in a specially designated location. For example, some kinds of ancient constructions can be removed (moved,注意remove是清除的意思)into a concentrated region and then officials can resolve the conflict about the rare places between the business men’s interests and the historical fans’ concerns. Successfully separating the historical fields from the business fields (这里用areas比较妥帖)can benefits not only the economic development but also the preserving (presevation of,这是个并列意味的词组,尽量结构对称)the valuable antiques.

So, based on the above discussion, it is not difficult to get the conclusion: people should preserve some old buildings with valuable records of the societies without sacrificing the economical (economic,economical是节俭的意思,前者才是经济的)development through some high (advanced)technological methods.

Preserving valuable ancient architectures can make people remind (remind的宾语一定是人,而不是物!这里改为 remind people of)their historical matters (history)and scientists discovery some exciting new points from old ones.   
        
(这一整句建议写为:
Preserving ancient architechtures can not only remind people of their history but offer inspirations to exciting scientific discoveries as well.)



[此贴子已经被作者于2003-11-2 12:40:54编辑过]
5#
发表于 2003-11-2 12:10:00 | 只看该作者
严重感谢T帮忙。

自由:字数多绝对没问题。
6#
发表于 2003-11-2 12:23:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用anchoret在2003-11-2 12:10:00的发言:
严重感谢T帮忙。

自由:字数多绝对没问题。



不客气啦,安安的尊面,值钱呀,哈哈~~~
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2003-11-2 13:18:00 | 只看该作者
感谢4楼的可爱的猫宝宝斑竹,实在是水平高!!!我再好好看看,不懂得继续请教T斑竹的高见,再次感谢T斑竹和小安斑竹!
对了,大家给评个分吧,让我心里有个谱哦!
8#
发表于 2003-11-2 13:47:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用寂寞的自由在2003-11-2 13:18:00的发言:
感谢4楼的可爱的猫宝宝斑竹,实在是水平高!!!我再好好看看,不懂得继续请教T斑竹的高见,再次感谢T斑竹和小安斑竹!



哈哈,mm不客气。

T不敢冒充斑斑,安安才是真正的,嘻嘻~~~~   


T还想谈点建议。T不懂GMAT作文的规矩,但T总觉得,越简练易懂的文章,越是好文章。

T曾听过一个真实的故事,一次,某国外交官致另一国外交官的长达3页的信函的结尾,写道,

"... I didn't have the time to write a short letter. Please pardon me."

很有趣,也很有深意。。

最近T也看了一些GMAT作文的论点、论据,感觉一个普遍的缺点就是过于冗长。本来几个词就能表达明白的东西,总要写一大段。而且最要命的是几乎每句都超长。

T认为,写长句,并不代表水平高。相反,更会给自己带来许多烦恼。复杂的句子,经常写着写着就把自己给写晕了。。

说了这么多,T在这里给大家一个建议,就是尽量写短句,言简意赅。文章的好坏不在于字数的多少。理正据强,就足够了。能一个词表达的,不用两个词,能用简单句的,不用复杂句。这样一来,我们写的时候也能自如的掌控自己的思路,不必担心会把自己写晕,也不必担心过多的语法错误。


突然一下serious了,T自己都受不了,嘻嘻,不说了~~~

对了,T在托福作文区改过两篇,mm感兴趣的话可以去看看。

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=43&id=13392&replyID=13392&star=2&skin=skinid%5F12=46&skinid%5F26=

18楼和39楼。
9#
发表于 2003-11-2 13:57:00 | 只看该作者



不想引起歧义,T不是说不能写长句。不写长句是不可能的,请大家千万不要误会。T只是说,平时练习时,尽可能的注意一下这方面的问题,多试着把句子写短、写简练。
10#
发表于 2003-11-2 20:41:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢T和安的帮助!
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