1月13号~练习练习~求狠批

烨叶

12月16号正式开始吧，今天就算拉个序幕。各位大牛请多多关照~~~写作特困生求助中
其实我特别想知道综合作文要怎么写才是good呢？3次fair了~~~

轩辕小池塘

我也是三次综合都是fair!!!同1.13考试。。。。。。。

烨叶

2012.12.16 integrated

The professor takes issue with the alleged harms brought by decline of literature reading, while the author firmly believe that this phenomenon leash serious and undesirable impacts to the public, general culture and the writers of the literature.
Firstly, seeing from the passage, literature seems as the only way to inspire imagination, refresh our mind and improve ourselves. Otherwise, the professor in the listening gives the examples, like, books about history, political analysis and science, all of which are of high quality and have the same effects to benefit us as the literature. It is nice for people to turn to the other subjects as the alternative of literature.
Secondly, more available and accessible forms of art and culture offer us better choices to find what we are into and to improve the general culture standard. Accordingly, the culture changed and people are drawn to more attractive forms of culture, as music and movies can achieve more comprehensive and direct method to express and convey the ideas in the minds. Thus, the statement that general culture is lowered by the less reading of literature can support itself.
Lastly, it is really hard and unfair to attach the fault to the readers, because the literature works of modern-day writers is obscure and hardly make themselves understood by the readers, even the people living in the several centuries ago. Therefore, the declination of reading the play or novel is at least part result of  the bad quality. As the speaker said, the unfavorable condition of the literature writers can not be blamed on the readers.
Actually, the professor introduces new evidence to refute the points presented in the passage.

烨叶

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? The car (automobile) has had greater effect on society than the airplane
In a new age are we who rush through all things around us and pursue speed and convenience, even, shortcut. We lead such hectic life and are as desperate for a perfect traffic vehicles to send immediately us to wherever spot on the earth is as for a magic. To some extent, car and airplane can fulfill the dreams, otherwise, differences exist. Although we complain about the pollution of gas emitted from the cars, habitat destroyed, heavy traffic jams and unbelievable high casualty rate, the benefits of the cars and inherent weaknesses of the airplane should not be ignored.
Firstly, we have to admit that the cars are vehicles possessing the most prevalent usages and being most accessible. According to our own life experiences, the journey going to the airport is also a long driving from your place of living, that is to say, when you take the airline you sill demand a car to bring you to the certain location of the airport. Moreover, because the airport is only built in the wealthy or important city and place with large amount of population, you can not go to the small town with dirt road or some nature reserves by plane. Therefore, the cars may be the alternative for you to go to the spots that do not own a airport. Also, the cars serve as everyday assistants, which offer easier way to go to shop and work, while the airplane just have the fixed route and destination for long distance travel.
Secondly, from the perspective of personal economic condition, I ,actually, figure out that the plane may be the most pricey approach of travel and cars are the way of travel that most of us can afford. No many people will choose plane for a journey within 500 kilometers, no to mention, the individuals will buy the airplane as the personal fortune. On the contrary, almost every family in or above the blue-and white collar workers class have a car and the car is no longer luxury . It is the cars that emerge in our daily life, not plane. The cars keeping the city running without breaking down connect the nearby communities and bring in and out the energy, food, labor and waste. The effects of the airplane in the daily life if citizen are dwarfed or paled compared with the cars.
Last but not least, the cars are at the command of you while you are controlled by the time of plane. When you feel existed, you can just go to your garage and drive your car to the beach, shopping mall or meet your friends. However, the plane only fly at the setted time and certain point, and when you miss the deadline to check in you just miss this flight. You always cater for and prepare for the plane, like booking tickets and going to the port earlier in case. Mostly of significance, timing and time are cherished by the businessmen and the political elite, who are also the main consumers of this way of travel. The weather might disturb the time schedule and whole plan established by a businessman, because the foggy day will bring too many risks and uncertainties and the flight will be delayed. Money loss, bad impression on partners, contract breaking and opportunities missing, all which originally can be avoided by turning to the cars and driving to the destination, are the undesirable consequences of flight delay.

烨叶

刚把得~~~~~~~·一起加油啦~~~~~~O(∩_∩)O~

阿伦艾弗森

同学，真不好意思，我今天实在有事，所以尽量在10点前给你改完作文，我自己的还未来得及写，抱歉。。。。

阿伦艾弗森

In a new age are we who rush through all things around us and pursue speed and convenience, even, shortcut. We lead such hectic life and are as desperate for a perfect traffic vehicles to send immediately us（这两个词最好倒置一下）to wherever spot on the earth is as for a magic.（这句话逻辑太凌乱了，而且一个连词的句子里只能有2个谓语） To some extent, car and airplane can fulfill the dreams, otherwise, differences exist. （无连词的句子只能有一个谓语）Although we complain about the pollution of gas emitted from the cars, habitat destroyed, heavy traffic jams and unbelievable high casualty rate, （最好在这里加一句对飞机的表扬，后面的转折句才会更连贯）the benefits of the cars and inherent weaknesses of the airplane should not be ignored.
Firstly, we have to admit that the cars are vehicles possessing（这样的话possessing后面的修饰就是针对vehicles了）the most prevalent usages and （are）being most accessible. According to our own life experiences, the journey going to the airport  （这个修饰看不出是什么意思）is also a long driving from your place of living, that is to say, when you take the airline you sill（will）demand a car to bring you to the certain location of the airport.（依旧是谓语和连词的问题） Moreover, because the airport is only built in the wealthy or important city and place with large amount of population, you can not go to the small town with dirt（dirty）road or some nature reserves by plane. Therefore, the cars may be the alternative for you to go to the spots that do not own a airport.（spot发不出own的动作） Also, the cars （which）serve as everyday assistants, which offer easier way to go to shop and work, while the airplane just have the fixed route and destination for long distance travel.
Secondly, from the perspective of personal economic condition, I ,actually, figure out that the plane may be the most pricey approach of travel and cars are the way of travel that most of us can afford. No many people will （not）choose plane for a journey within 500 kilometers, no（not） to mention, the individuals will buy the airplane as the personal fortune.（这句话有两个谓语，建议中间加一个连词） On the contrary, almost every family in or above the blue-and white collar workers class have a car and the car is no longer luxury . It is the cars that emerge in our daily life, not plane. The cars keeping the city running without breaking down connect the nearby communities（前半句无谓语）and bring in and out the energy, food, labor and waste. The effects of the airplane in the daily life if citizen are dwarfed or paled compared with the cars.（一个连词却只有一个谓语）
Last but not least, the cars are at the command of you while you are controlled by the time of plane. When you feel existed,（exhuasted） you can just go to your garage and drive your car to the beach, shopping （介词）mall or meet your friends. However, the plane only fly at the setted time and certain point, and when you miss the deadline to check in you just miss this flight. You always cater for and prepare for the plane, like booking tickets and going to the port earlier in case. Mostly of significance, timing and time （？？？）are cherished by the businessmen and the political elite, who are also the main consumers of this way of travel. The weather might disturb the time schedule and whole plan established by a businessman, （这两个并列构不成因果）because the foggy day will bring too many risks and uncertainties and the flight will be delayed. Money loss, bad impression on partners, contract breaking and opportunities missing, all which originally can be avoided by turning to the cars and driving（be driven）to the destination, are the undesirable consequences of flight delay.（结尾最好点题、你的内容有点跑题了）

1、插入语不能乱用
2、修饰过多有时会造成句子结构混乱，逻辑不清
3.连词和谓语的问题
4.主谓一致
5.并不是所有长难句都好~结构上3长+1短最佳，且在不能正确使用长难句的时候用短句替代也可以~

建议去看些关于语法类的书籍！~


一点拙见，还望共同进步~~！

阿伦艾弗森

先把你的独立改了，综合等下我写完后再改效果会更好~！
不好意思了，今天实在有事，所以拖到现在~

阿伦艾弗森

The professor takes issue with the alleged harms brought by decline of literature reading, while the author firmly believe that this phenomenon leash serious and undesirable impacts to the public, general culture and the writers of the literature.
Firstly, seeing from the passage, literature（逻辑主语）seems as the only way to inspire imagination, refresh our mind and improve ourselves. Otherwise, the professor in the listening gives the examples, like, books about history, political analysis and science, all of which are of high quality and have the same effects to benefit us as the literature. It is nice for people to turn to the other subjects as the alternative of literature.
Secondly,（加一句教授的观点） more available and accessible forms of art and culture offer us better choices to find what we are into and to improve the general culture standard. Accordingly, the culture changed and people are drawn to more attractive forms of culture, as music and movies can achieve more comprehensive and direct method to express and convey the ideas in the minds. Thus, the statement that general culture is lowered by the less reading of literature can support itself.
Lastly, it is really hard and unfair to attach the fault to the readers, because the literature works of modern-day writers is obscure and hardly make themselves understood by the readers, even the people living in the several centuries ago.（这个小点我俩听的不同……） Therefore, the declination of reading the play or novel is at least part result of the bad quality. As the speaker said, the unfavorable condition of the literature writers can not be blamed on the readers. （条理不强）
Actually, the professor introduces new evidence to refute the points presented in the passage. （我觉得夹在手段效果会更好）


1.注意强调观点是谁讲的，陈述之间说清是reading还是listening
2.我认为最好reading和listening的观点分开来说，不然很容易扰乱人的思维。


一点拙见，还望共同进步！~

zhisheng2200

我作文也刚贴上，我其实就挺爱拖拉作业的了，大家互相勉励吧，加油