[写作小分队]crystal的作文贴，求建议，求进步

Crystal的秋天

昨天刚加入，写了一版，但是没有权限发上来，今天补发，规定时间内敲完，字数还有待提高
11.2 综合

To protect a type of evergreen trees, three possible solutions have been put out by experts to address the decline of Torreya. However, in the lecture, the professor claims that none of them can be useful to achieve that goal. She defused the possibilities listed in the passage one by one.

Firstly, the first option is to reestablish Torreya in the same location with a specific microclimate. But, according to the professor, the climate condition in this region has been totally changed, for the reason of global warming, which makes the over temper all over the world and the wetland in Florida has been drained, causing the area to be much dries. The condition in the area nowadays is not suitable for the trees to survive anymore.

Secondly, moving Torreya to an entirely different area can bring in many unpredicted results. As the professor said, one kind of tree called Black Locust killed many species of trees in the north when it had been moved northwards. To make the situation worse, those species of trees have already been in danger. Introducing Torreya may also lead to this kind of unexpected problems.

Finally, the last option to preserve Torreya in research center is also not useful because the research center is not able to provide the large capacity for large genetically diverse, which is necessary for the trees to survive against diseases.

To sum up, all the trees options presented in the reading passage is not practical in the real situation. Not only are they unable to protect Torreya from decline, but also they can cause more losses in the end.

11.2独立
People should buy things made in their own country;even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else

提高产品质量
更多的选择
价格更加便宜，提高了消费者的购买力，没有必要多花钱

Nowadays, due to the opening reform of many countries, the boundaries of countries have been more and more ambiguous. However, there is a big issue coming up that whether people should buy their domestic things, even the price is higher than same things made in other countries. As far as I am concerned, I hold the positive view for the free exchange of goods and services internationally, by the same token, people needn't protect their domestic things from competition with others for the following reasons.

Firstly, opening the gate of countries allows technology to flow among different countries, which will improve the qualities of basket of goods people can consume. For example, some countries like German and Japan have more advantages in producing digit products. When other countries borrow the technology from them, it is a much easier and cheaper way to improve their domestic products.

Secondly, sharing the products provides people more choices. For instance, before the reform of opening in China, people consume all the things produced domestic, wasting those overproduced, such as clothes, cotton, and lacking those that cannot be produced due to the limit of technology, like the Internet. It is a huge waste of resources in the world. Thanks to the police of opening reform, Chinese people can enjoy the convenience of Internet, charting and making friends with people from all over the world, and at the same time, western countries can purchase clothes importing from China much cheaper.

Finally, it is of no necessity to spend excess money to buy the same goods which are available in other areas. Most importantly, it is not a wise to decrease the purchasing power of people to protect domestic goods from competition in the world. Consumers have the rights to choose what they want to buy. Why should they spend more money to buy something that is not superior for them?

To sum up, considering consumers' interest and countries' technology improvements, there is no need for people to only buy goods domestically. Governments have not rights to help their people make the choice. Besides, wise people are always those who make full use of their money, to maximize their own interest. Seeing from the other angle, the more competition there are, the stronger the motivation the producer will have to provide us better products.

Crystal的秋天

Recently, many people concerned how people could be happier, different people hold different views. There is a voice saying that if people have fewer possessions, they will be happier. However, I do not hold the same opinion as theirs.

First of all, without the enough possessions, good health care cannot be accessible for people when they have diseases, which is the fundamental requirement for happiness. When people get some ill, on the one hand, they suffer pain themselves. On the other hand their families will be very anxious then. Several years ago, the heal care condition was not as advanced as what is today. Many people died of small diseases due to the lack of technology, even like the stomach ache. But now it is a small problem for doctors to solve. The healthier people are, the more likely people will be happier.
Secondly, fewer possessions mean fewer choices for people to release their burden, which may cause psychological disease. For example, when people in the old times were addicted into some anxiety, nervousness etc, the only choice to relax was to share it to their family or friends. Usually, comforts from family and friends were not always effective. Moreover, if no one was available for them to turn to for help, they can only assume it by themselves. If they did not find a suitable way to relax, they easily caught psychological diseases. On the contrary, when people have more possessions, they have many choices to smooth their mood, such as going for shopping, seeing a film, or take a train to see different sceneries in other places.
Finally, without many possessions, the people who work far away from home cannot go home frequently to get together with their family. On the one hand, it is time consuming to go home thousands of miles away from home, however, when people want to go home, they can do that on weekends without affecting their work on next Monday. On the other hand, it is much cheaper for people to do that, because the cost has been diminished due to the technology advancement nowadays. Besides, when people have no time to go back home, computers can help them to conquer the homesickness. People can talk face to face with each other.
To sum up, more possessions should not be blamed for driving away people’s happiness. Instead, if we can make a maximize use of what we have, we can be much happier for the convenience, more choices and better living conditions they bring to us.

Crystal的秋天

Many people are suspicious the roles of buzzers for the reason that they are paid by the company for the use of advertisements. However, the man disagrees with the three detailed reasons the reading passage shows us.

Firstly, it is not true that buzzers are those who have any motive for misleading the customers as the reading passage tells us. On the contrary, even though buzzers are the people who are paid by the company, they are truly products users. Take him for an example; he was hired by a company to say something about a phone, because he really found it is very good.

Secondly, according to the passage, the writer tells us that customers are easily cheated by buzzers. But the man claimed that customers are wise enough to tell between the truth and lie. Before they want to buy something, they will ask a lot of questions concerning the price of the products, how long it could be used and whether it is a good product.

Finally, the man refutes the writer that people will be less trustful of people in general as the consequence of this kind of marketing methods. The man states that usually buzzers are very helpful, they tell the customers the real using experience of certain products, just like he tell people his feeling when he uses the phone. So when the customers buy it and agree with points of buzzers, they will become more trustful and even more open to people in our world.

To sum up, the viewpoints in the listening material contradict with the author's in the reading passage. On the one hand, he uses his own experiences as a part time buzzers paid by a phone company for example to explain his viewpoints about the buzzers and then refutes the reasons stated in the reading passage one by one.

Crystal的秋天

Young people should try several different jobs before they decide whichjob or career they will do in the long term.

Due to theuniform education system, young people receive similar education when they arestudying in school, taking the same classes, being assigned the same homework,and even taking part in the same activities at school. Consequently, many youngare not bothered to think their career goal in the young age. So trying severaldifferent jobs before is very necessary and helpful for them to decide whatthey will do in the long term.

To begin with,without the smooth mind to try several different jobs, people will be moreanxious and difficult to make their decision. Because, when people regard thefirst job as their lifetime career, the first choice will be of muchsignificance for them. Many young people having a good bachelor degree fear toenter into the job market not because they are not qualified, but because theyattach to much importance of the first job, evaluating the pay, the position,reputation of the company and so on. Instead, people who are calmer can find asatisfied job in the end though they are not he outstanding students in theclass. So if we can adjust our state of mind, there will be more opportunitieswaiting for us.

Furthermore, tryingout new things is the most effective way for people to get the truth, whateverit makes success or failure. Edison is just the person who kept trying beforehe made a big discovery of electric light. Career is also a discovery for everyperson who needs to dig out. Before trying, nobody knows which job is they arereally interested or adept in. Even we find bored in the previous job, in thatway we can know that kind of job is not my meal, which will save a lot ofenergy and time when we step into the other one.

Additionally, based on theaccumulated experience in the prior jobs, people will become mature andexperienced enough to find a better job. Nowadays it is a common phenomenonthat people change their jobs frequently, especially in their starting stage.Many people may claim that this frequently moving is due to the lack ofresponsibility of present young people. However, I do not think so. On the onehand, companies do not have any losses, even if it costs them a lot to trainthe new comers, the newcomers are much more hard-working and dedicated to learnnew things than the employees who have stayed for a long time, however, with arelatively low wage, which offsets the cost of the companies. In facts, thereexist many companies only take in these kind of unskilled but flexible employeesin order to cut down their labor expenses. On the other hand, ambitious peopleare supposed to find a bigger stage to express when they accumulate moreexperiences and skills in the previous job. The experience they got before willhelp them to stand out in a pour when they apply for a new job. This is surelya win-win game.

To sum up, when we are not sure about something, keeping trying is thebest answer. If the first job the right one, you are so lucky to settle down. Onthe contrary, if the first job is not the one you are dreaming for, neverhesitate to make a change.

Crystal的秋天

In the reading passage, theauthor mainly talks about the bad effects of "let it burn" policy.The professor talks about the same topic in the listening material. However, inthe eyes of the professor, forest fire is not destructive but creative for our world.She explained her viewpoints in terms of the fire's effects on vegetation,animals and tourist attractions.

Firstly, the author in thereading states that tremendous damage caused by the Yellowstone fires. Theprofessor diffuses the author's idea for the reason that the Yellowstone firescreate an appealing habitat for some small trees to survive. On the one hand,the areas which many big trees and plants live in are now suitable for thesmall trees which need unshelled places to survive. On the other hand, theseeds of some species have grown very high, thanks to the high heat the firebrings to them, which are very helpful for their growth.

Secondly, the author points outthat the fire affects large animals to a large extent. But the professor holds thedifferent opinion that many animals not only recover from the big fire, butalso have new opportunity to grow. For instance, rabbits and hares have abetter habitat when the small trees replaced the large ones grew there beforethe fire. So do the animals which depend on them for food.

Finally, according to theprofessor, the tourist will not be affected by the fire, since the fire doesnot occur frequently. The Yellowstone fire is just a unusual one. So touristscan come back to the area next year and even each year after the fire.

To sum up, the professor's views presented in thelistening contradicts with the author's in the reading, in her opinion, it isunreasonable to say the "let it burn" policy should be revised.

amissrosa

版主您好,我也是幾天前才加入寫作小分隊,如有批改不當的地方,還煩請版主指正><,一同交流學習
11.3 独立批改
Recently, many people [注一]are concernedabout how people could be happier, and different people hold different views. There is avoice saying that if people have fewer possessions, they will be happier.However, I do not hold the same opinion as theirs.
[注1]concern(vt.) (主动式) 关于

                     (vt.) (被动式) 关系到,使担心

First of all, without the enoughpossessions, [注1]good health care cannot be accessible forpeople when they have diseases, which is the fundamental requirement for happiness. [注2]When people get some illness(或get ill就好), on the onehand, they suffer pain themselves. On the other hand, their families will bevery anxious then. For example, Severalyears ago, [注3] the heal care condition was not asadvanced as what is today. Many people died of small diseases due to thelack of technology, even like the stomach ache. But now it is a small problemfor doctors to solve. The healthier people are, the more likely people will behappier.
[注1] which关系代名词形容which前一个字,板主的which应该是形容goodhealth care而不是disease,所以which的位置要更改.此外,在所有作文中,尽可能以that代替which,因为which容易让读者混淆形容的内容.
[注2]原句可更精简:when people get some illness, the disease not only torture patients but also agitatetheir family.
[注3]此句无法使example与shouldhave possession相关.原句可改成:许多年前人们穷困无法就医,导致连小毛病都能致死,但现在人们富裕,不再有此问题
Secondly, fewer possessions[单数名词]means fewer choices forpeople to release their burden, [注1]whichmay cause psychological disease. For example, when people in the old timeswere [注2]addicted into [注3]some anxiety, nervousness[注4], etc, the only (their only)choice to relax was to share it to (communicate with)theirfamily or friends. Usually, comforts from family and friends were not alwayseffective. Moreover, if no one was available for them to turn to for help, theycan (could)only assume it (the problems or pressure) bythemselves. If they did not find a suitable way to relax, they easily caughtpsychological diseases. On the contrary, when people have more possessions,they have many choices to smooth their mood, such as going for shopping (go shopping),seeing a film, or take a train to see different sceneries in other places.
[注1]原句可改成: ,and it (表fewer possessions) may cause psychological disease.
[注2]addict to上瘾, 可改成suffered from
[注3]英文作文求精简,所以作文里尽量少用some,除非接着有example说明.这句提及古时候人们受苦于焦虑和紧张，不必用”some”来形容”一些”焦虑.
[注4]etc用法：A,B, etc.
[注2]Finally,without many possessions, the [注1]people who work far away from home cannot gohome frequently to get together with their family. On the one hand, it is timeconsuming to go home thousands of miles away from home; however, when peoplewant to go home, they can do that on weekends without affecting their work onnext Monday. On the other hand, it is much cheaper for peopleto do that(建议说明”怎么做是对人民说比较便宜的”),because the cost has been diminished due to the technology advancementnowadays. Besides, when people have no time (don’t havetime) to go back home, computers can help them conquerthe homesickness. People , and help them can talkface to face with each other (talk to eachother by face to face).

[注1]不是很懂蓝色句子与withpossession的关联@@ 版主可以说明what kind of possession来加强例子与主题的关系.
[注2]此段，建议楼主可以先给topicsentence后再给examples，这样此段的文意会较流畅且意思明了
To sum up, more possessions should not be blamed for driving away people’s happiness. Instead, if we can make a maximize use of what we have, we can be much happier for (because of) the convenience, more choices and better living conditions they bring to us.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11.3 綜合改
Many people aresuspicious the roles of buzzers for the reason (because) that they arepaid by the company for the use of advertisements. However, the man disagreeswith the three detailed reasons that the reading passage shows us.



Firstly, it is not true that buzzers are those (people) who have anymotive for misleading the customers as the reading passage tells us. On thecontrary, even though buzzers are the people who are paid by thecompany, they are truly products users. Take him for an example; he was hiredby a company to say something about a phone, (because前不加逗点)because he really found it is very good.


Secondly, according to the passage, the writer tells us that customersare easily cheated by buzzers. But the man claimed that customers are wiseenough to tell between the truth and lie. Before they want to buy something(音檔的原因好像是：当buzzer与客户谈话,客户会询问buzzer许多问题来确定真实性), they will ask a lot ofquestions concerning the price of the products, how long it could be used(音檔原文：客户询问buzzer使用产品多久了?) and whether it is a goodproduct.


Finally, the man refutes the writer that people will be less trustful ofpeople (social relationship) in general as theconsequence of this kind of marketing methods. The man states that usuallybuzzers are very helpful because they tell the customers the real using experience of certainproducts, just like that he tells people his feeling when he uses (about using) the phone. Sowhen the customers buy it and agree with points of buzzers, they will becomemore trustful and even more open to people in our world.


To sum up, the viewpoints in the listening material contradict with theauthor's in the reading passage. On the one hand, he uses his own experiencesas a part time buzzers paid by a phone company for example to explain hisviewpoints about the buzzers and then refutes the reasons stated in the readingpassage one by one.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In the reading passage, the author mainly talks about【既然是reading,那么就不要谈它说了些什么，而是用mention/ indicate/ suggest之类的词比较好】 the bad effects of "let it burn" policy.The professor talks about the same topic in the listening material. However, in the eyes of the professor, forest fire is not destructive but creative for our world.【原文是the balance of ecological system, 和我们的世界还是有点差别的】She explained her viewpoints in terms of the fire's effects on vegetation,animals and tourist attractions. 小意见，总结的很好很全面，就是觉得开头说的有点不够精简。

Firstly, the author in the reading【太复杂了，直接说the reading就OKAY了。】 states that tremendous damage caused by the Yellowstone fires.【宾语从句结构不完整哦，没有谓语了，+is caused by】 The professor diffuses the author's idea for the reason that the Yellowstone fires create an appealing habitat for some small trees to survive. On the one hand,the areas which many big trees and plants live in are now suitable for the small trees which need unshelled【哥们，这词不是你自己造的吧？】 places to survive. On the other hand, the seeds of some species have grown very high, thanks to the high heat the firebrings to them, which are very helpful for their growth.【细节很好很强大】
Secondly, the author points out that the fire affects large animals to a large extent. But the professor holds the different opinion that many animals not only recover from the big fire, but also have new the opportunity to grow. For instance, rabbits and hares have a better habitat when the small trees replaced the large ones grew there beforethe fire. So do the animals which depend on them for food.【这里have a better habitat是你SO DO的部分吧，但是原文说的是那些大型动物以小动物为食，小动物多了，所以大动物也多了，你这句本来应该多写两句的地方又一笔带过了，而且表达得不得其意呀。】
Finally, according to the professor, the tourist will not be affected by the fire, since the fire does not occur frequently. The Yellowstone fire is just a unusual one. So tourists can come back to the area next year and even each year after the fire.

To sum up, the professor's views presented in thelistening contradicts with the author's in the reading, in her opinion, it isunreasonable to say the "let it burn" policy should be revised.
说点小意见，不知道楼主是不是在模考软件里面直接做的，如果是在20MINS内敲到305个词，其实还是很强悍的。 楼主的综合写作，细节支持非常好，基本上没有遗漏的点。但是不够精准、简练；所以推荐楼主可以尽量把字数限制在240个词左右，这样就更完美了。还有，我觉着总结段可要可不要，网上放着的官方指南对总结没有硬性规定。。。

AnthonySummer

11.4独立

Young people should try several different jobs before they decide whichjob or career they will do in the long term.










Due to the uniform (為何空格不一樣啊）education system, young people receive similar education when they（過去時were）are studying in school, taking the same classes, being assigned the same homework, and even taking part in the same activities at school （前面提到school了，這裡刪掉）. Consequently, many young are not bothered to think about their career goal in the young age （用in their youth）. So trying severaldifferent jobs before is very necessary and helpful for them to decide what they will do in the long term.
To begin with, without the smooth mind to try several different jobs,（沒看懂這句） people will be more anxious and difficult to make their decision. Because, when people regard the first job as their lifetime career, the first choice will be of muchsignificance for them. Many young people having a good bachelor degree fear to enter into the job market not because they are not qualified, but because theyattach （這個表達有些Chinglish）to much importance of the first job, evaluating the pay, the position, reputation of the company and so on. Instead, people who are calmer can（cannot？） find（複數） satisfied job in the end though they are not he（？？） outstanding students in the class. So if we can adjust our state of mind, there will be more opportunitieswaiting for us.




Furthermore,（who try？？） trying out new things is the most effective way for people to get the truth, whatever it makes success or failure. Edison is just the person who kept trying before he made a big discovery of electric light (please use details, the example is not good). Career is also a discovery for every person (沒看懂這句）who needs to dig out. Before trying, nobody knows which job is they are really interested or adept in. Even we find bored in the previous job, in that way we can know what kind of job is not my meal, which will save a lot of energy and time when we step into the other one.




Additionally, based on the accumulated experience in the prior jobs, people will become mature and experienced enough to find a better job. Nowadays it is a common phenomenon that people change their jobs frequently, especially in their starting stage.Many people may claim that this frequently moving is due to the lack ofresponsibility （？？） of presenting young people. However, I do not think so. On the onehand, companies do not have any losses, even if it costs them a lot to train the new comers, the newcomers are much more hard-working and dedicated to learn new things than the employees who have stayed for a long time, however, with relatively low wage, which offsets the cost of the companies. In facts, there exist （表達chinglish）many companies only take in these kind of unskilled but flexible employees in order to cut down their labor expenses. On the other hand, ambitious people are supposed to find a bigger stage to express when they accumulate more experiences and skills in the previous job. The experience they got before will help them to stand out in a poor when they apply for a new job. This is surely a win-win game.


To sum up, when we are not sure about something, keeping trying is the best answer. If the first job the right one, you are so lucky to settle down. Onthe contrary, if the first job is not the one you are dreaming for, never hesitate to make a change.


感覺列子舉得更加詳細很更好，現在就是舉得不是很貼合主題。

AnthonySummer

粉红色拼写错误橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）

Crystal的秋天

The reading mainly introduces us about anew way called genetic modification to improve the trees. However, theprofessor holds the different opinion that though there are some benefits modifiedtrees promise to bring to us, there are more problems and cost arising up.
First of all, the reading tells thatmodified trees are more likely to survive because of their harder characteristic.While, the professor says that even though they are harder, it doesn’t meanthey have the more possibility to survive. The natural trees are very diverse,so some will be survive when some of them die due to big changes in the environmentsuch as climate changes. But the genetically modified tress are usually uniform,all of them are more likely to die when facing big environmental changes.
Secondly, the professor points out that thereare many hidden costs of genetically modified trees which are contradict with theauthor’s expectation. On the one hand, the seeds of genetically modified treesare much more expensive. On the other hand, farmers have to pay to thecompanies every time they want to grow.
Furthermore, genetically modified trees notonly will not protect the natural trees, but also take over them, according tothe professor, because the genetically modified trees rob the nutrition, waterand sunlight from natural trees. Eventually they will take place of naturaltrees because they grow much more aggressively than the natural trees.
To sum up, when people pays attention tothe benefits of genetically modified trees, people cannot ignore the disadvantagethey bring to us.