kiddy的写作贴～求拍砖～！！！谢谢啦～～

kiddy72

谢谢楼上的童鞋～受益匪浅！

chengzaaaa

有说的不对的地方欢迎指出讨论啊，共同进步哟！

kiddy72

10月17日独立
Mostpeople can solve the important problem in their lives by themselves or helpfrom their families; help from the government is often not necessary

Asto the topic that who solve the important problem in our life, it is easy toimage that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it attheir own angles. Some people assert that they can solve these problems bythemselves or help from their families, since they spare no effort to makethings better and it actually works out. Others believe that government playsan important role in our daily life to help us solve problems, as it providesus some fundamental needs of life. In my own part, I would tend to vote forlatter opinion for the following reasons.
Tobegin with, so important is fundamental living problem that we cannot ignoreit, and in most cases, it cannot be solved by ourselves but by government.These living problems have huge effects on the quality of life, such as healthproblem, food security problem, etc. These stuffs are closely related toeveryone in the society, and it is apparent that government sets up numbers of policiesto help us solve these problems. Without medical insurance, when we suffer fromsome disease, some of us cannot afford the therapy. And now government offerspatients and their families an opportunity to focus on the cure of diseasewithout worrying about the money. Likewise, government also supervises the foodindustry through a rather perfect system, avoiding food security problem. However,we are familiar to these systems and policies and used to them, so that weoften ignore their effects. Indeed, without government, we cannot solve theseimportant living problems by ourselves or help from families.
Anotherequally important reason is that we cannot solve some development problems inour life only by ourselves. As human being, we need to develop ourselves torealize self-worth through learning, working, traveling, etc. On no account canwe ignore government’s influence in solving our development problem. Toillustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Educationcan help us expend our horizon and enlarge our knowledge, and it is a necessarypart in people’s life, especially children’s. Nowadays, in many countries,governments invest a large number of money in education in order to improve thequality, including facilities and abilities of teachers. Because of amounts ofresources, we cannot solve education problem by ourselves. Perhaps someone willsay that some children can learn from their parents at home and do not go toschool, but in my opinion, studying at home also need resources such as someguide book or information from internet which also needs government’s help. Ina word, government contributes a lot to our developments. Only in this way canwe have a bright future.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that people can solve some important problems inour lives, just like choice of career. Whereas, it doesn’t means that we do notneed government’s help, especially in many fundamental aspects.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that government’s help is necessary inour lives, for we cannot solve some living and development problems only byourselves. Although the functions of government leaves much to be desired, we shouldbring home t people what aspects government does help us.

kiddy72

10月18日独立
Doyou agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility is to have children care for an animal?


Asto the topic that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds andperspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that keepinga pet is the best way for children to learn about responsibility, since theywill know how to take care of others. Others may claim that there are manyother good ways for kids to learn responsibility, and keeping an animal is notthe best one. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion forthe following reasons.
Tobegin with, so important is teamwork for learning responsibility that we cannotignore it. Parents should encourage their children to join in some group ororganization. Through group activities, children can cultivate responsibilitydue to honor and friendship. These activities provide opportunities forchildren to know how to get along with others, how to respect and understandeach other, how to focus on the things they have in common and tolerate thedifferences. Owing to development of these abilities, children will know whatan important role responsibility plays in a team, also in our daily life. Toillustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Myneighbor has a little boy who used to be selfish, so his mother encourage himto join in a basketball team. Through the practices and games in this team,this boy realizes everyone needs to take responsibility to the honor of team,because they all want to win. After a year, this boy becomes more considerateand responsible, and he also grows into a man. Through this example, it isapparent that teamwork can enhance the responsibility of children.
Anotherequally important way is taking part in some voluntary activities. Most ofvoluntary activities will teach kids how to take care of others, or what thingswe should do to help people who suffer from problems. These stuffs provide kidssome opportunities to help others by themselves, even though what they do isjust a very little thing. Experiences which to be a voluntary will encouragepeople to take responsibility of their family, even the society. On the otherhand, some voluntary activities also give some prizes to children who have goodperformances, and these prizes also stimulate kids to be a responsible people.Statistical report has proven that 73% of the children who have voluntaryexperiences are aware of their duty, and 61% of these children are moreresponsible than children who have no voluntary experience. Through this result,we cannot emphasize the importance of voluntary activities for learning aboutresponsibility too much.
Toso extent, we have to admit that keeping animals is also a good way to learnabout responsibility, as children can learn they need to take care of others.Whereas, in my opinion, it is not the best way because of some problems causedby pets, including noise and cleaning problem.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that keeping pets is not the best way forchildren to learn about responsibility, cause there are many other better wayssuch as teamwork and voluntary activities.  Only in many different ways can parents lead their childrento be a responsible person.

klllun

Most people can solve the important problem in their lives bythemselves or helpfrom their families; help from the government is often notnecessary

As to thetopic that who solve the important problem in our life, it is easy to imagethat people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at theirown angles. Some people assert that they can solve these problems by themselvesor help from their families, since they spare no effort to make things betterand it actually works out. Others believe that government plays an importantrole in our daily life to help us solve problems, as it provides us somefundamental needs of life. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latteropinion for the following reasons.
建议：长短句混合使用，全是长句，这样变化的形式不多。
To begin with,so important is fundamental living problem that we cannot ignore it,（这里直接断句吧。突出强调的倒装咯） and in most cases,it cannot be solved by ourselves but by government. These living problems havehuge effects on the quality of life, such as health problem, food securityproblem, etc. These stuffs are closely related to everyone in the society, andit is apparent that government sets up numbers of policies to help us solvethese problems. Without medical insurance, when we suffer from some disease,some of us cannot afford the therapy. And now government offers patients andtheir families an opportunity to focus on the cure of disease without worryingabout the money. Likewise, government also supervises the food industry througha rather perfect system, avoiding food security problem. However, we arefamiliar to these systems and policies and used to them, so that we oftenignore their effects. Indeed, without government, we cannot solve these importantliving problems by ourselves or help from families.

Another equallyimportant reason is that we cannot solve some development problems in our lifeonly by ourselves. As human being, we need to develop ourselves to realizeself-worth through learning, working, traveling, etc. On no account can weignore government’s influence in （查了字典，只有influence on/over的用法哈~）solving our development problem. To illustrate this, thereis an appropriate example that is persuasive. Education can help us expend ourhorizon and enlarge our knowledge, and it is a necessary part in people’s life, especiallychildren’s. Nowadays, in many countries, governmentsinvest a large number of money in education in order to improve the quality,including facilities and abilities of teachers. Because of amounts of resources,we cannot solve education problem by ourselves. Perhaps someone will say thatsome children can learn from their parents at home and do not go to school, butin my opinion, studying at home also need resources such as some guide book orinformation from internet which also needs government’shelp. In a word, government contributes a lot to our developments. Only in thisway canwe have a bright future.
To someextent, we have to admit that people can solve some important problems in ourlives, just like choice of career. Whereas, it doesn’t means that we do not needgovernment’s help, especially in many fundamentalaspects.
In a nutshell,I reinforce my standpoint that government’s help is necessary in ourlives, for we cannot solve some living and development problems only by ourselves.Although the functions of government leaves(主谓一致，这里的是修饰function的吧) much to be desired, we should bring home to people whataspects government does help us.

说说总体的感受吧
全文的用词或者语句的多变还是做得很好的。观点称述方面，两个立，一个让步。做的很好。
只是有一点小小的感觉，不知道对不对哦。有点为了长句而长句。有些用and，和but的地方其实可以分割成短的句子更加。因为托福需要是语句多变，并不是一味追求G那样的长的句子。所以穿插使用更好。

kiddy72

谢谢楼上的同学！

bonnenuit

As to the topic that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that keeping a pet is the best way for children to learn about responsibility, since they will know how to take care of others. Others may claim that there are many other good ways for kids to learn responsibility, and keeping an animal is not the best one. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion for the following reasons.
To begin with, so important is teamwork for learning responsibility that we cannot ignore it. Parents should encourage their children to join in some group ororganization. Through group activities, children can cultivate responsibility due to(换because of或者其他，due to一般是指不好的起因） honor and friendship. These activities provide opportunities for children to know how to get along with others, how to respect and understandeach other, how to（前面这个两个how to,可以省略，三个并列最后一个之前要加上一个and) focus on the things they have in common and tolerate the differences. Owing to （缺冠词）development of these abilities, children will know what an important role responsibility plays in a team, also in our daily life. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. My neighbor has a little boy who used to be selfish, so his mother encourage him to join in a basketball team. Through the practices and games in this team,this boy realizes （最好加that) everyone needs to take responsibility to(for) the honor of team,because they all want to win. After a year, this boy becomes more considerate and responsible, and he also grows into a man.(我个人觉得这个例子的时态用一般现在时不是很恰当，因为你后面提到了一些时间，所以最好改一般过去时） Through this example, it is apparent that teamwork can enhance the responsibility of children.
Another equally important way is taking part in some voluntary activities. Most of voluntary activities will teach kids how to take care of others, or what things we should do to help people who suffer from problems. These stuffs provide kids some opportunities to help others by themselves, even though what they do is just a very little（小事情是中式英语了，用common吧 普遍的事） thing. Experiences which to be a voluntary will encourage people to take responsibility of their family, even the society. On the other hand, some voluntary activities also give some prizes to children who have good performances, and these prizes also stimulate（motivate） kids to be a responsible people.Statistical report has proven that 73% of the children who have voluntary experiences are aware of their duty, and 61% of these children are more responsible than children who have no voluntary experience. Through this result,we cannot emphasize the importance of voluntary activities for learning about responsibility too much.
To so extent, we have to admit that keeping animals is also a good way to learn about responsibility, as children can learn（that) they need to take care of others.Whereas, in my opinion, it is not the best way because of some problems causedby pets, including noise and cleaning problem.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that keeping pets is not the best way forchildren to learn about responsibility, cause there are many other better ways such as teamwork and voluntary activities.  Only in many different ways can parents lead their children to be a responsible person.

总体来说还不错，词汇蛮丰富的，句式也多样化的 值得我学习
有些从句的that最好不要省 否则会混乱谓语 造成句意的混乱

kiddy72

10月19日综合 tpo5
The lecture and the reading passage givecontradictory opinions on the topic that what Chaco Canyon is used for. Thereading passage explains three explanations for the function of Chaco Canyon,while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the readingpassage is too general in its statement that Chaco Canyon is purely residentialfor hundreds of people. The professor asserts that from outside, Chaco Canyonmay look like American apartment. However, when you go inside, there are manyrooms but only few fireplaces. Some Chaco Canyon has numbers of rooms which canhold more than one hundred families, but there are only about 10 fire placesinside. It is apparent that these fireplaces cannot serve hundreds of people tolive.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that Chaco Canyon is for storing food. The professorcontends that there is no big container for maize and grain. And we also cannotsee any traces of maize on the floor.
Finally, according to the reading passage,Chaco Canyon is used as ceremonial center. According to the lecture, on thecontrary, it is stated that mounds and other materials might be trash ofconstruction, or some building materials which are not used up. The broken potsare also some trash from construction workers.

kiddy72

10月20日 独立
Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?

As to the topic that how to choose a job, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that we should take the opportunity to have a secure job, since there are fewer risks. On the contrary, others believe that we should wait for a satisfying job because of our dream and ambition. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion for the following reasons.
To begin with, so precise dream is that we should not give up, and a satisfying job is more likely to providing us an opportunity to make dream come true. Everyone has a dream, and whether greater or normal, it is our resource to move on. Most satisfying jobs have more similarities with our interests and dreams, so that we can have a happy time when we work and not have to mediate other problems at the same time. A secure job, however, often murder our ambitions for chasing dream, due to a comfortable and stable condition. To illustrate this view, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. When my dad was a child, he dreamed to be a designer. He liked painting and did a good job. But as he came into the society, he took a secure job. After a few years, he lost his ambition to be a designer but only contented with his present situation. He regretted that he didn’t adhere to his dream, but a secure job eroded his ambition. That’s why we should wait for a satisfying job when we face to choice.
Another equally reason is that we have more motivation when we have a satisfying job, as a result, we will do better. A satisfying job often not only provides us more salary, but also more encouragements. Under this condition, we will work more efficiently and diligently. It is apparent that the more motivation and encouragement, the better work we do. Statistical report has prove that 76% of the people who have a satisfying job say they often get encouragements, and 62% of these people contend that they have more motivation to try their best when they get encouragements and rewards, no matter material or emotional. But in the group of people who only have a secure job, only 32% of them think they are motivate to their jobs. In a word, a satisfying job will encourage us to do a better work.
To some extent, we have to admit that some secure jobs have fewer challenges, hence we feel more comfortable. Whereas, in my opinion, it is too boring that we have a career without challenge.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that people should wait for a satisfying job rather than a secure job, because a satisfying job provides us an opportunity to make our dreams come true and encourages us to do better.

阿伦艾弗森

The lecture and the reading passage give contradictory opinions on the topic that what Chaco Canyon is used for. The reading passage explains three explanations for the function of Chaco Canyon,while the lecture provides several counter arguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that Chaco Canyon is purely residential for hundreds of people. The professor asserts that from outside, Chaco Canyon may look like American apartment. However, when you go inside, there are many rooms but(连词，要连接两个谓语动词) only few fire places. Some Chaco Canyon has（主谓一致哦。）numbers of rooms which can hold more than one hundred families, but there are only about 10 fire places inside. It is apparent that these  fire place cannot serve hundreds of people to live.
The lecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that Chaco Canyon is for storing food. The professor contends that there is no big container for maize and grain. And we also (and, also ,有些语义重复了)cannot see any traces of maize on the floor.
Finally, according to the reading passage,Chaco Canyon is used as ceremonial center. According to the lecture, on the contrary, it is stated thatmounds and other materials might be trash of construction, or some building materials which are not used up. The broken pot sare also some trash from construction workers.

听力大体没问题，注意一些细节上的小语法点就好。加油，100+~