朽木 作文贴~~ 求指导 求猛攻 已然火烧眉毛了

xiumu2280

感谢~~哎··太丢人了   这种错误！！ 抽脸

xiumu2280

9.25 终于突破400字了~~402个···但是时间啊·！
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.

In the modern life, people receive praise and abuse everyday, and there is no doubt that the criticism contribute directly to our success. Several points in different dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis.

First of all, From the information the experts have received over the recent years, the criticism from others always point out our weakness as well as enhance our capability. People always ignore their own mistakes when they work in a group. In view of this seriousness problem, criticism form others paly a essential role in the function of prevent the things which is cased by the mistake from getting worse. Once our weak point has been pointed out, we must spare no effort to improve the weakness so that we can strengthen our capability. In the case, I will say accepting the criticism makes perfect.


Moreover, the man who refuses others' criticism may be regard as a haughty person by his co-workers. That may do harm to their relationship. It is okay to have flaws, which makes us real. But someone always claim that if colleagues criticize them, this behavior, which may lead them feel uncomfortable, shows disrespect. And then their relationship may become nervous along with this kind of mind. To take my own experience as a case. When I worked in a computer company. One of my best friends and I dealt with a same project. I pointed out some fault in his work gently. But instead of correcting this error, he quarreled with me immediately since he though I did not respect his idea and did this on purpose. Finally, this project was died out. What is worse, other company members thought he was not a easy-going man, and no one want to work with him. This case is not rare, and in reality many person need to refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.


Admittedly, Some criticism from others may not reasonable and too many criticism even decrease our self-confidence. However, If no one point out our weakness, wo may never get a chance to improve the capability and hand the key to success. In addition, Refusing criticism may leave a bad impression to others, this will put us in a negative position in the future job market. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose people who cannot accept criticism will not be successful at working as my final mind.

最后一次杀T

高亮为表达的好的地方
In the modern life, people receive praise and abuse everyday, and there is no doubt that the criticism contribute directly to our success. Several points in different dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis.

First of all, from the information the experts have received over the recent years, the criticism from others always point out our weaknesses as well as enhance our capability. People always ignore their own mistakes when they work in a group. In view of this seriousness problem, 【criticism from others play an essential role in the function of preventing the things which is cased by the mistake from getting worse. 这句话的表达有点别扭。改成criticisms from others play an essential role in preventing the result caused by the mistake from getting worse.会显得简洁一些。】 Once our weak point【可替换为flaw，drawback】 has been pointed out, we must spare no effort to improve the weakness so that we can strengthen our capability【可以直接说strengthen ourselves】. In the case, I will say accepting the criticism makes perfect.


Moreover, the man who refuses others' criticism may be regard as a haughty person by his co-workers. That may do harm to their relationship. It is okay to have flaws, which makes us real. But someone always claim that if colleagues criticize them, this behavior, which may lead them feel uncomfortable, shows disrespect. 【And then their relationship may become nervous along with this kind of mind. nervous我觉得不能形容relationship，但是又想不到更合适的形容词，不如直接将这句改成This kind of mind may generate the difficult relationships at work. 】To take my own experience as a case. When I worked in a computer company. One of my best friends and I dealt with a same project. I pointed out some faults in his work gently. But instead of correcting this error, he quarreled with me immediately since he thought I did not respect his idea and did this on purpose【我猜你想表达‘故意这样做’，我觉得应该是and did deliberately to make him embarrassed.】. Finally, this project was died out. What is worse, other company members thought he was not a easy-going man, and no one want to work with him. This case is not rare, and in reality many person need to refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.


Admittedly, Some criticisms from others may not reasonable and too many criticism even decrease our self-confidence. However, if no one point out our weakness, we may never get a chance to improve the capability 【个人觉得capability这个词有点chinglish的感觉，直接说improve ourselves就好了】and hand the key to success. In addition, Refusing criticism may leave a bad impression to others, this will put us in a negative position in the future job market. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose that 【这个that省了会有歧义】people who cannot accept criticism will not be successful at working as my final mind.

总的来说挺好的，用了很多词组，词汇也比较丰富。
主要问题有以下两点，

• 有一些地方的表达有点罗嗦，虽然多用词组会显得句子很高级，但是有时候会使句子看起来有点绕。如果想写的字数更多些，可以在第一段加一些过渡句子，显得连贯还可以多凑字数【我就经常这样干。。】
  
• 有几处打字的错误，不是大问题，考试的时候留一点时间检查一遍就好。
  

xiumu2280

10.7 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world?




In the modern world, every country owns its special technology, and all those scientific discoveries function in different ways. However, those countries totally cannot catch any information about each others' discoveries. This phenomenon not only cases the war between the countries, but also leads the poverty of people. As for me,  I support to share all the scientific discoveries in the world. Two points in diverse dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis.


First of all. The unbalance of the technological level deeply contributes to the war in the world. If a country got a high level of scientific discoveries, it may use them to develop the military affairs. Then, firing a war with other countries for oil or other nature resources. To take my own country's history as an example. In the Qin dynasty, The Qin is the most powerful country at that time and has many advance technology. There is no doubt that it begin to conquer other country. The war lasts many years, and people painfully suffer in the disaster. So the special technology do harm to the world peace.


Moreover, the share of the discoveries will benefits people's life. As we all know, the development of the science makes our life more convenient and comfortable. We can reach the destination quickly by car and defend cold by the use of air-condition. But the new technologies have not yet been spread for some reasons. Nevertheless, an increasing number of scientists share their inventions with the world. To take Longping Yuan, who now is a successful agricultural scientist, for a example. He unselfishly shares the new rice seed which can obtain great financial profit with the world. But with this behaviour, the whole world can produce much more rice each year than before and raise a great number of people. This case is not rare, and in reality many people refer to the same issue at the same time.


Admittedly, the country which need to pay for the cost of the new technology is still a big problem, and the result of the sharing discoveries cannot be measured accurately. These cases are rare and therefore are too specific and too weak to strengthen the opposite view. In addition, those viewpoint cannot hold water because the benefits from the share of the scientific discoveries overweighs its flaws. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose sharing the scientific discoveries with other countries as my final choice.

vanessa923

黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误


In the modern world, every country owns its special technology, and all those scientific discoveries function in different ways. However, those countries totally cannot catch any information about each others' discoveries. This phenomenon not only cases（用法值得斟酌） the war between the countries, but also leads the poverty of people. As for me, I support to share all the scientific discoveries in the world. Two points in diverse dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis（这个词用得不是很恰当）.


First of all. The unbalance（建议换成imbalance） of the technological level deeply contributes to the war in the world. If a country got a high level of scientific discoveries, it may use them to develop the military affairs. Then, firing a war with other countries for oil or other nature resources. To（去掉） take my own country's history as an example. In the Qin dynasty, The Qin is the most powerful country at that time and has many advanced technology. There is no doubt that it begins to conquer other country（为了和你前面的firing a war with other countries for oil or other nature resources相对应，可以加个for land and...). The war lasts many years, and people painfully suffer in(from) the disaster. So the special technology do harm to the world peace.




Moreover, the share of the discoveries will benefits people's life. As we all know, the development of the science makes our life more convenient and comfortable.For instance, We can reach the destination quickly by car and defend cold by the use of air-condition.But the new technologies have not yet been spread for some reasons .(这句话有点多余） Nevertheless, an increasing number of scientists share their inventions with the world. To take Longping Yuan, who now is a successful agricultural scientist, for a example. He unselfishly shares the new rice seed which can obtain great financial profit with the world. But with this behaviour, the whole world can produce much more rice each year than before and raise(feed) a great number of people. This case is not rare, and in reality many people refer to the same issue at the same time.


Admittedly, the country which need to pay for the cost of the new technology is still a big problem, and the result of the sharing discoveries cannot be measured accurately. But These cases are rare and therefore are too specific and too weak to strengthen the opposite view. In addition, those viewpoint cannot hold water because the benefits from the share of the scientific discoveries overweighs its flaws. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose sharing the scientific discoveries with other countries as my final choice.

条理还算清楚，注意小问题例如单三。强烈建议多加些连词以使语句逻辑更清楚。

xiumu2280

谢谢修改啊~~那个case我想打cause来着···

xiumu2280

10.11 Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things.



With the development of the society. Pets paly an increasing essential role in our daily life. Many families start to keep pets, not only because the animals can help us do some ordinary work, but also for an emotional partner. I think the cost on the pets is not too much money but a proper spend, although those can be spent on other things.


First of all. The pet now has been treated as a family member, and the money spending on it is deserved. Take one of my friends, who has a dog and lives far from the city, for an example. After a whole day's hard working, when he came back home, a lovely dog was just waiting for him at the front door. The pressure, however, pales in comparison to the welcome of the dog. This case is not rare, and in reality many people generally refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.


Moreover. The pets are creatures just like humans, and the cost on it is reasonable. The pets own emotion, they can recognise their owner and even protect their owner from dangerous. Once one man kept a pet, he must be responsible to the pet. Ten years, For human, is just a period of life, but for the pets, is its whole life. What is more, the memory which they get together is the most precious thing. So people should treat the pet equally, and spending some money on the pets for a happier life is a logical measure.


Finally, with the rise in the income of the family, the money using on the pet occupy a little part in the families' daily cost. An investigation shows that a normal family spend about 15 percent of their incomes on the usual life, like the food supply, clothes, include the pets' part. In such circumstance, actually, the pets' cost is not too much for the family.


Admittedly, taking the money which is originally spent on pets on the other things may make our level of life better in some certain extent. But this viewpoint still cannot hold water because the pets are emotional partners, they are creatures just like humans, and the family can afford the cost. To more precise, the benefit brought from spending money on pets overweights its flaws. I therefore stick to my standpoint that people nowadays spend proper money on the pets, although those can be spent on other things as my final statement.

kiddy72

10.11 Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things.



With the development of the society. Pets paly an increasing essential role in our daily life. Many families start to keep pets, not only because the animals can help us do some ordinary work, but also for an emotional partner. I think the cost on the pets is not too much money but a proper spend, although those can be spent on other things.


First of all. The pet now has been treated as a family member, and the money spending on it is deserved最好用形式主语吧这句～. Take one of my friends, who has a dog and lives far from the city, for an example.这个不错～ After a whole day's hard workinghard work, when he came back home, a lovely dog was just waiting for him at the front door. The pressure, however, pales in comparison to the welcome of the dog. This kind of cases is not rare, and in reality many people generally refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.


Moreover. The pets are creatures creatures不用了吧just like humans, and the cost on it is reasonable. The pets own emotion, they can recognise their owner and even protect their owner from dangerous. Once one man kept a pet, he must be responsible to the petit. Ten years, For human, is just a period of life, but for the pets, is its whole life. What is more, the memory which theythey应该说清楚一点吧避免理解错误 get together is the most precious thing. So people should treat the pet equally, and spending some money on the pets for a happier life is a logical measure.


Finally, with the rise in the income of the family, the money using on the pet occupy a little part in the families' daily cost. An investigation shows that a normal family spend about 15 percent of their incomes on the usual life, like the food supply, clothes, include the pets' part. In such circumstance, actually, the pets' cost is not too much for the family.


Admittedly, taking the money which is originally spent on pets on the other things may make our level of life better in some certain extent. But this viewpoint still cannot hold waterbecause the pets are emotional partners, they are creatures just like humans, and the family can afford the cost. To more precise, the benefit brought from spending money on pets overweights its flaws.赞一个～ I therefore stick to my standpoint that people nowadays spend proper money on the pets, although those can be spent on other things as my final statement.

我觉得写的很好啊～呵呵 不过有个小问题可以探讨一下 之前貌似听说老外不太喜欢用长主语 最好换成形式主语比较习惯～可以参考哈 加油！

xiumu2280

嗯  有这说法， 我老师也说过， 主要是指句子平衡··· 就不显得头重脚轻了

浅吟天

嘿嘿 我来等你的10.19独立哈~~