好好学习...天天向上...求猛砖

绿色小台灯

终于参加写作小分队，希望能提高

绿色小台灯

9.1 agree or disagree,in order to be succeed,you should be more like others than be different from everyone else

I disagree that in order to be succeed people should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
Firstly, to be success that people have to take some risk. The new changes, new improvement, were all though the risk of keep trying a great amount of times. If you just follow the others, you just do something the others did. It is actually can make people safe, a safety life is one type of lifestyle, but it is have no connections with success.

In the other hand, do the things that the same with others is boring. Like the civil servant. It is not suitable for the younger, and it will make younger move like a machine. Passion, activity could all disappeared gradually in future, then people will lose their power to make life colorful, attractive, and successful.
In addition, people need to acquire acknowledge form the predecessors experiences which form the school, books, internet, etc. which should be a preparation for future success.

In conclusion, people don’t need to do the things like others. The better way is acquire the experiences which the others have done, then consider by oneself to make something new.

fuzhengrui

太短了

pedrohuo

推荐楼主仔细看下OG（官方指南）。或者10天搞定托福作文。对其有个大概的了解。否则，一切都是无用功。

超级无敌小鹤鹤

先不说你的字数问题，你的作文语法问题太多了。。。不是想打击你，但是。。。大致看了下，基本每句话都有比较严重的语法错误。。。建议你话2、3天时间重新巩固下基本的语法知识。。。

Stegosaurus

I disagree that in order to be succeed（successful） people should be more like others than be different from everyone else. (可以改写一下)
Firstly, to be success（successful） that people have to take some risk.（这句话读起来好像没有谓语） The new changes, new improvement, were（are）all though the risk of keep trying a great amount of times. （这句话真没看懂是什么意思。。。。。。。。）If you just follow the others, you will just do something （everything）the others did（do）. It is actually can make people safe,（改为句号） a（A）safety（safe，safety是名词） life is one type of lifestyle, but it is have（has） no connections with success.（为什么呢？这个论点没解释）

In（On） the other hand（怎么用也不太对，因为前面没有on one hand，可以改为Additionally）, do（doing） the things that the same with others is boring. Like the civil servant（为什么？论点没解释）. It is not suitable for the younger, and it will make younger move like a machine. Passion, activity（creativity吧） could all disappeared（disappear） gradually in future, then people will lose their power to make life colorful, attractive, and successful.
In addition, people need to acquire acknowledge form （from）the predecessors’ experiences which come form （from）the schools, books, internet, etc. which should be a preparation for future success.（论点没展开，大忌，宁愿少写也不要不展开论点！！！）

In conclusion, people don’t need to do the things like others. The better way is （to）acquire the experiences which the others have done, and then consider（这个词不是很贴切，我也不清楚怎么改） by oneself to make something new.（这个总结感觉又变成了一个新论点了…………..）



楼主的语法错误较多，通常表现为一个句子多个谓语，主谓一致也有些问题，建议楼主先看看语法和其他优秀的范文吧，很有帮助的！另外楼主字数也不够，最好写上400词，这样分数一般不会低。
楼主的论点展开时感觉逻辑有些跳跃，老美会很不适应的，楼主可以看看OG或10天搞定托福作文，上个新东方也可以，主要是找到写作方法，美国人写东西和中国人写东西很不一样的。
大体就这样了，楼主继续加油哦！