坚持好好练习写作，热烈欢迎各位拍砖~

Yeeisstrong

我只会写简单的句子，很想写复杂一复杂就错。肿么办呢！

Yeeisstrong

agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making

    A successful leader must get along with his staff, whose try their best to finish their job. An efficient team work is made. Because staffs feel that they are useful and achieve their value. They help their leader make an efficient decision, and thus they are happy and will do their almost to follow their leader, when the team suffer some problems, staffs who will take part in and help their leader  make a efficient decision to solve it. Do not you believe that it is best way a leader should make everyone feel that he is in part of a decision making?

    I have a number of reasons for feeling this way, and they are all based on real case. Like Steven Jobs, after taking over a nearly bankrupt Apple, designed I-pods, I-pads and I-phones, which hit it big across globe and set company back on top. Just because he understands that he will talk with staffs and accept different ideas before any decisions are made. Employees feel that they are not ignored by their boss and they ploy a important role in their boss’s mind and company. Therefore, Apple’ products become so popular in the world and make a great profits. What important it is to an efficient leader makes a decision together with staffs.

However, different people hold different ideas about the topic. Some people  assert that an efficient leader should make a decision alone and do not make their staffs understand or join. How stupid it is to a leader! Making a decision alone is a two-edge weapon which can be used equally for good or evil. Maybe the leader is luck so that he makes a right decision alone, but he will not always have a good luck. If he can talk with staffs and listen to their advice, the result is more efficient, staffs can improve their activity. Everyone in the team will achieve their own value. It is necessary to a company owns a good team work.

All in all, doing something is like playing football, only every member gets along well with their leader and understands each other, they will score a goal. The staff accepts leader’s order and leader respect their staff’s advice, there is no denying that the team will operate more and more efficient.

hdf1990

本人很菜 第一次改别人作文  如有不好 多多包涵  

   A successful leader must get along well with his staff, whose try their best to finish their job. An efficient team work is made.（这句话改成主动语态是不是好一些 ，前面再加一些逻辑连接词，例如：if  the leader makes it, the team work will be efficient. ） Because staffs feel that they are useful and achieve their value. They help their leader make an efficient decision, and thus they are happy and will do their almost（什么意思？） to follow their leader, when the team suffers some problems, staffs who will take part in没有宾语？ and help their leader  make an efficient decision to solve it(them). Do not you believe that it is best way a leader should make everyone feel that he is in part of a decision making?

   I have a number of reasons for feeling this way什么意思？, and they are all based on real case. Like Steven Jobs, after taking over a nearly bankrupt Apple, designed I-pods, I-pads and I-phones, which hit it big across globe and set company back on top. Just because he understands that he will talk with staffs and accept different ideas before any decisions are made. Employees feel that they are not ignored by their boss and they play an important role in their boss’s mind and company. Therefore, Apple’ products become so popular in the world and make a great profits. What important it is to(for) an efficient leader to make a decision together with staffs.

However, different people hold different ideas about the topic. Some people  assert that an efficient leader should make a decision alone and do （去掉do 不平行了）not make their staffs understand or join. How stupid it is to a leader!（这个上一段最后一句一样 你确定这种表达没错？我也不太知道 向你请教） Making a decision alone is a two-edge weapon which can be used equally for good or evil. Maybe the leader is lucky so that he makes a right decision alone, but he will not always have a good luck. If he can talk with staffs and listen to their advice, the result is (will be) more efficient,(结果很高效？搭配不对吧) staffs can improve their activity提高活动？. Everyone in the team will achieve their own value. It is necessary to（ for） a company to owns (own) a good team work.

All in all, doing something is like playing football, only every member gets along well with their leader and understands each other, they will score a goal. The staff accepts leader’s order and leader respect their staff’s advice, there is no denying that the team will operate more and more efficiently.

先说问题吧  整片的结构 有点散  一般结构都是 第一段 阐明观点  第二、三段 分论点 然后举例子支持 最后总结  你的结构没有分论点 或者说不清楚  个别语法错误需要注意 有一些反问句和感叹句还是不错的 但是要注意语法的问题 句和句的逻辑要好好推敲  

Yeeisstrong

Yeeisstrong

9月10日
In order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is more important than the excellent knowledge of this job.
Some students who study in a terrible environment but they study hard very much the result is they got offers from Ivy; Some farmers who suffer drought but they do utmost to irrigate the desert area the result is bumper harvest; Some staffs who have normal or bad ability to adapt the new environment but they learn excellent knowledge of the job the result is that boss will pay a decent and they make much money for their company. Thus, the excellent knowledge of the job is more important that the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment.



The excellent professional knowledge is processed all staff who will make a good team work so that the company become more and more efficiency. Like Apple company, which once was a nearly bankrupt company, be taken over by Steve jobs. Jobs lead his high active team designed Ipods, Iphones and Ipads which hit it big across globe and set company back on top. How important it is to staffs have excellent skills!



To understand the truth of the excellent knowledge of job is great influence on staff, I can set a real example, our teachers who must have good enough knowledge so that they can teach students more and more clearly and detail.

Just imagine what it would be like if teachers do not understand their subjects and often be asked awful questions that they never know. How terrible it is to learn students! Education will suffer heavy accidents and children will not make a good progress.



Certainly, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is advantage too. Enhancing the ability to staff is ignored and helps them work in a good state.



However, in my opinion, there is no denying that staff have excellent knowledge is more powerful and important than have ability to adapt to the new environment. As is so often pointed out “Knowledge is power”. The excellent knowledge not only makes a large of profits for company but also receives a rich pay for

xeyyxzty

Some students who study in a terrible environmentbut they study hard very much the result is they got offers from Ivy(studentswho study hard in a terrible environment can get offers from Ivy) ; Somefarmers who suffer drought but they do utmost to irrigate the desert area theresult is bumper harvest(farmers who suffer drought can harvest if they workhard to irrigate the crops); Some staffs who have normal or bad ability to adapt the newenvironment but they learn excellent knowledge of the job the result is thatboss will pay a decent and they make much money for their company.(staffs who haveexcellent knowledge, though lacking the ability to adapt to new environments, canget a decent pay and help the company improve.) Thus,the excellent knowledge of the job is more important that(than) the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment.

同学~你这段话吧~怎么每句话在我眼里都有点问题呢~那个the result没有你想象的功能吧（我也说不清你究竟想怎么用哈）~我就按照自己的猜测改了一下，如果有错误还请谅解，我们可以私下讨论~然后farmer那句，说的不是他们艰苦奋斗之类的吗，为什么和知识有关系呢，如果说有关，那么最好说是他们的灌溉知识使他们丰收~学生的那一句也是，说的是刻苦学习吧，然后拿到OFFER，为什么不说从IVY毕业的都前途光明，所以知识很重要呢~个人意见哈

The excellent professional knowledge is processedby all staff who will make a good team work so that thecompany become more and more efficiency. Like Apple company, which once was a nearly bankruptcompany( the company once almost bankrupted), be taken over by Steve jobs. Jobslead his high active team designed Ipods, Iphones and Ipads(iPods, iPhones, iPads) which hit it big across globeand set company back on top. How important it is to staffs have excellentskills!(take Apple as an example. It’s a company oncealmost bankrupted. When Steve Jobs went back to the company, he invented iPodsto save the firm. Afterwards, thanks to the talented staffs, products like iPhones and iPads make the profits of company huge. Applebecomes one of the top companies in the world.)



To understand the truth of the excellent knowledge of jobis great influence on staff, I can set a real example, our teachers who musthave good enough knowledge so that they can teach students more and moreclearly and detail.(to understand the importance of excellent knowledge tojobs, let’s take teachers as an example. Teachers must have enough knowledge sothat they can teach students precisely and accurately.)

Just imagine what it would be like if teachers do notunderstand their subjects and often be asked awful questions that they neverknow. How terrible it is to learn students(for students to learn) ! Education will suffer heavy accidents and children will not make agood progress.



Certainly, the ability to adapt oneself to the newenvironment is advantage too. Enhancing the ability to staff is ignored andhelps them work in a good state. （没有明白什么意思）



However, in my opinion, there is no denying that staffwho have excellent knowledge is more powerful(个人偏向于使用useful)and important than those have(having) the ability to adapt to thenew environment. As is so often pointed out “Knowledge is power”. The excellentknowledge not only makes a largeof profits for company but also receives a rich payfor(没有粘完吧？)
问题有点多哈~
首先你这个段落安排吧~不是常规的模式，尤其是第一段~我不知道这样好不好~就是指出来一下
然后就是句子的问题，第一段实在是问题严重~需要加强基础哟~
然后就是论点的逻辑性~个人感觉不是很convincing~当然可能是因为我的观点和你的相反的原因~
再交流吧~可能改的有点不恰当，见两

Yeeisstrong

谢谢了，吸取教训的，我确实很菜，现在准备去看看语法书，好好学习学习写句子。

小兔爱twins

911 独立~~~~~ 在哪里·~~·

Yeeisstrong

9月11日
It is much easier for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now than in the past.

From the ancient times to the present, no one who does not expect success. Certainly, whenever some people always achieve success. But there is a public debate today that achieving success is much easier without their family member’s help now than in the past. Under the background of economic, cultural and education loom so large, I believe that it is easy for people to achieve success without their family members’ help now. I have a number of reasons for feeling this way.

Now, knowledge is accumulated by multiplying. People gain knowledge more and more easy and quick. Compulsory education has been popularity. Some people even will get Master degree and PhD. People’ starting point become much higher now than in the past. They can think about all kinds of question independently and do some important decisions without their family members’ help because they are intellectual. However, in the past, people who can not solve problem of food and clothing, how did they receive good education? For instance, my grandmother don’t know word and never go to school, the result is that she must stay the small and poor village in the lifetime. Therefore, although your family members will not help you succeed, study hard will help you succeed.

Moreover, people can receive high level education so that they invent many useful things, which are connection tools and efficiency traffic tools, such as computer, internet, car and train. People connect each other closely. They use this tools go to anywhere and talk about anyone. Those tools play a crucial role in business field and relationship of people. People also can become self-employed use those tools, like electrical business, in this case, it is unnecessary for their parents to worry about their children if can find a good job and make money. Just image what if people had not so useful and advantage inventions in the past? They lived in self-world and did not know new information, sometimes when they must find a assistant from their family members for a good job. How difficult it is to people achieve success!

Finally, we live in times of peace, the legal system in the gradual improvement in my country now. Every day is a beautiful day. If you work hard as soon as possible, you will achieve success by your own energy. But in the past, war often be happened, World war make people suffer distress and torment, safe and freedom can not be protected by government, thus they are very difficult become success in terrible environment.



From what has been discussed above, through the history, success may easy or difficult. Now, we live in a peaceful and equal environment, you can become success without your relative’s help as long as you will do your utmost to do things and achieve your goal in life.

Yeeisstrong

不好意思，晚了。今天有点课。