8月30日 独立~ It's more important for goverment to spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to uide recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
Obviously, art and music play an significant role in our daily lives. They teach people to appreciate wonderful things, to help people clam down when they are in troubles. Art and music start to influence people as soon as we were born and make the world harmonious.
Almost for sure art and music are the efficient ways for people to build a unique view of the world. My previous experience for example, I used to learn painting in the art center which was built by the government since I was eight. Since then, I started to learn to appreciate the beautiful world. My art teacher always taught me to draw the things what I saw and to find the inside beauty of surroundings where I lived in. After practising for many years, finally, I understood the the process of learning painting teach me not only the painting skills but also the whole new view of the world.
Before the government built art museums and music performance center, these were solely a matter of seldom people to learn to appreciate the art and music. But these are belong to all citizens. After built these, people who do not have the access to get in touch with the art and music before, now they have chances to enrich their lives.
On the other hand, I would say that art and music are not the only way for people to enrich their lives. Just build art museums and music performance center many prevent people from fully developed. In our modern society, people should also develop their physical healthy while they develop their mental world. So the government should also built some recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playground and multiple gym. These would give people a great chance to strengthen their bodies.
In conclusion, if the government's plan is in order to fully develop citizens bodies, they should not only spend money to build art museums and music performance center to enrich citizens' mentally world, but also should build recreational facilities to strengthen their bodies.
The passage explains that dinosaurs differ in many ways from modern reptiles and give three reasons to supprot that dinosaurs were endotherms.However the The lecturer argues that points to the inaccuracies in each of these reasons.
The lecturer argues that the weather in polar regions were warmer than today, thus dinosaurs could survive in there. Moreover, even if the weather is getting colder, dinosaurs could migrated to other place. So the dinosaurs fossils have been discovered could not support that dinosaurs were endotherm
The second theory, that the conncetion between endothermy and the position and the movement of the legs were also found on the dinosaurs, is also rejected by the lecturer. She explained tha dinosaurs' legs are positioned underneath their body do not mean high energy, but support they can support more weight, which can maintain the large size dnosaurs for running.
Finally, regarding the third theory, the “Haversian canals”, the lecturer contends that dinosaurs have a growth ring, which is due to the thickening of the bone, that they grew very slowly even stop growing. But this was contracy to the characters of endotherm. She argues that endotherms usually grow rapiadly even if the weather is very cold.
These are the reason why the lecturer thinks that dinosaurs were not endotherm.
The passage explains that dinosaurs differ in many ways from modern reptiles and give three reasons to supprot that dinosaurs were endotherms.However the The（貌似多了个the呢小c） lecturer argues that points to the inaccuracies in each of these reasons（这句话读起来有点拗口哟~argue 后面跟些实际内容会不会更好呢小c？个人意见哈~）.
The lecturer argues that the weather in polar regions were warmer than today, thus dinosaurs could survive in there. Moreover, even if the weather is getting colder, dinosaurs could migrated to other place（这里还有一听力点是它们还可以冬眠~貌似，加上会更好哟~）. So the dinosaurs fossils have been discovered could not support that dinosaurs were endotherm
The second theory（这里不是theory呢~我觉得用point，argument会不会更好呢？）, that the conncetion between endothermy and the position and the movement of the legs were also found on the dinosaurs, is also rejected by the lecturer. She explained tha（that） dinosaurs' legs are positioned underneath their body do not mean high energy, but support they can support more（小c这句貌似也是重复了几个词呢） weight, which can maintain the large size dnosaurs for running.
Finally, regarding the third theory, the “Haversian canals”, the lecturer contends that dinosaurs have a growth ring, which is due to the thickening of the bone, that they grew very slowly even stop growing. But this was contracy to the characters of endotherm. She argues that endotherms usually grow rapiadly even if the weather is very cold.
These are the reason why the lecturer thinks that dinosaurs were not endotherm. 第一次给小c改作文~~改得不好的地方小c记得告诉我哟，这样我也可以避免以后犯错，小c点覆盖得差不多，句子多为单句，我建议小c多写一些复杂句，然后加上连接词，这样逻辑会更通哟，加油~~
8月30日 独立~修改 错误 建议 好 It's more important for goverment to spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to buide recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
Obviously, art and music play an（a） significant role in our daily lives. They teach people to appreciate wonderful things, （+and）to help people clam down when they are in troubles.（教人们to什么和to什么，前面都说teach people了，后面又to help people, 两个people。。句意句意！）（要是再有一个to什么什么的，三个并列就更好了）Art and music start to influence people as soon as we were born and make the world harmonious. （亲，这一段讲了art和music的重要性，对人们有这样那样的积极影响。但是第一段要点名主旨啊，难道你这篇文章要讲art和music对人类的影响？很显然，这样的开头没有起到开门见山的作用，而老外最不喜欢绕弯子了。最好改一下，要表明对题目的态度~政府把钱花在A上还是B上，同意还是不同意。重要性只能作为你支持的其中一个原因。）
Almost for sure（我不确定这么写对不对，不过可以肯定this is almost for sure that是对的） art and music are the efficient ways for people to build a unique view of the world.（艺术和音乐是方法？你可以说：学习/欣赏音乐和艺术是建立独特世界观的方法。）（这句跟政府投资在哪没有关系，你要说：因为它对人们树立正确价值观有帮助，所以政府应该建立meseum…） My previous experience （这里要加逗号，表示for example是插入语，否则本句开头加Taking.）for example, I used to learn painting in the art center which was built by the government since I was eight. (终于看见政府这个词了。。。)Since then, I started to learn to appreciate the beautiful world. My art teacher always taught me to draw the things what I saw and to find the inside beauty of surroundings where I lived in. After practising for many years, finally, I understood the（改that） the process of learning painting teach（改过去时taught） me not only the painting skills but also the whole new view of the world.
Before the government built art museums and music performance center, these were solely a matter（adv.修饰名词？） of seldom people to learn to appreciate the art and music. But these are belong to all citizens. After built these, people who do not have the access to get in touch with the art and music before, now they have chances to enrich their lives.（people后面加逗号，who内容才能表插入，然后后面不用再they 了。。。） （个人认为，艺术是来自于人民的创造的，而不是因为有了艺术博物馆才能接触到艺术。）（另外，这段太短了，没有详细论述怎么enrich 人们的生活了，可以举例子）
On the other hand, I would say that art and music are not the only way for people to enrich their lives.（天啊，你这是又要说什么，开始讲如何enrich人们的生活。。这跟话题有关系么。。跟政府花钱在哪有关系么。。） Just build art museums and music performance center many （may/might）prevent people from fully developed.（继续跑题。。） In our modern society, （+most of）people should also develop their physical healthy（healthy是形容词，develop healthy不对。可以说improve one's physical health） while they develop their mental world. So the government should also built（情态动词后面跟动词原型，改build） some recreational facilities such as swimming pool, playground and multiple gym.（又跑回来了。。）These would give people a great chance to strengthen their bodies. （用词上除了develop 就是build，要扩大词汇量哦。）
In conclusion, if the government's plan（改plan of government，政府不是人，不能's） is in order to fully develop citizens bodies, （如果政府的计划是为了充分发展公民的身体。。你可以调过来说：政府应该怎么怎么做，来使得公民全面发展。“如果”和“计划”放在这觉得很别扭）they(they 指代什么啊，plan还是bodies，无论哪个都不对。) should not only spend money to buildart museums and music performance center to enrich citizens' mentally（又是adv.修饰n.） world, but also should（画线部分不并列，怎么又多了个should，not only,but also 后面的内容要形式一致） build recreational facilities to strengthen their bodies. （开头一直在art music重要，好，最后两段又变成了两个都重要，实在不知道您到底要说什么。。。）
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发表于 2012-8-30 21:15:06
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