[写作小分队] 听心作文---------- 不戴面具进入化妆舞会，来了就不怕批

听心22

挤的很痛苦，随便砸
7 月27日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on your daily life.

Do we need to know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on your daily life? Before I give you my answer, let me ask you few question. In your sentence, is the “world” means the place that people usually talk about the same movie or TV show with different language in different country? Is the “world” as same as the one we can reach almost everywhere just in few days or even few hours by taking a plane? Is the “world” are named “globe village” because it looks like a single community connecting by Internet? If all of answers are “yes”, then obviously we should know some news even it is not happened in our country. Why? Let’s talk about it.

Firstly, the affair occurring in another country may not affect our life but it can influence the living of our family members or our friends that we concern about. As a human, it is normal that we want find out what is happening around them. Thanks for the invention of plane, nowadays people do not have to living in the same place or same country in their whole life .like me, I chose to move to Canada few years ago when my parents were still in China, I also have a lot of friends who live in dissimilar country, such as England, Germany, USA, Australia,  we surely want to know what happened to them through the TV, newspaper or internet, so that we can talk about it and share some good time.

Moreover, there are some disaster happen everywhere almost everyday, by knowing this, we can give the people some help like donate some money and facility or even being a volunteer to do something for them. Like the old saying says “ helping others is helping yourself “. By doing this, we actually are spraying our love to the world，normally the people who receive it will remember and have willing to help other people. In the same time, being a person who can really help some people, we feel so happy and proud. Even few years after，I still can remember the sadness when I heard about the earthquake in China and the relief when I found out the city was recovering and everything was getting better and better because of the real assist from people all over the world.

The last but not least, the information we get from other area, may not affect our life immediately, but it probably can make us think and do some research which can use it in the future. Talking about this, I actually checked a lot of book to find out what do we need to put in our car to break the window after I heard  a reporter talking about the sandstorm in BEIJING. Because before I never thought the chance people can die in their own can just as a single sandstorm!

Above all, it is hard to escape the conclusion that as a modern man, we should know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on our daily life.

晨依Jacqueline

我觉得我现在有强迫症了好像不管有错没错都得写一大堆
下面的修改就仅供参考，至于里面的意见接受与否还是自己斟酌哈
我改得有点过火了，千万不要恨我……
一定不要恨我……

听心22

There no one but longs to get acceptance and be happy. Unfortunately, in the real world we can easily getting upset or confused, that is also a reason we need friends. Normally, I would choose to use e-mail or text messaging to discuss with my friends about these things. There are two main reasons to support my view.



As an emotional person, actually I liked to use the telephone before when I have to deal with distressing things, but something happened later made me change the way. That is the time when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend who had has 5 years relationship with me. I couldn’t sleep so I called my best friend in the middle of the night and getting no help! Why? Because I had been crying from begin to end. After several times, my friend writes me an email that giving me some advice according her own experience. The email that I still keeping really helped me walking out from the darkness.



Talking about the time when I face a contentious issue, I prefer writing more than talking is because normally people tend to more rational when we write something. Whatever it is an email or a text message, before we send it, we usually have a habit to check it at least once. On the other hand, if we use phone call, we can do nothing after we speak out. So utilizing email is a good method to avoid a phone call turn into a debate or argument. I have seen more than 1 pairs of friends began with some subject so simple but after a while they started an attack against each other with sharp words , in the end their relationship was over just since a stupid call.



Certainly, there is no denying that talking in the phone or using voice message also have some advantage, such as it can makes people feels warmer .But as I have stated, when we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others using e-mail or text messaging is the better way.

GWinner

好词好句错误提议改正建议批注

There no one but longs to("没有人不渴望"的用法,很好~) get acceptance and be happy. Unfortunately, in the real world we can easily getting upset or confused, that is also a reason we need friends. [这里的逻辑似乎存在GAP, 有点跳跃, 为什么we can easily getting upset就得出we need friends呢? 有点没想明白...把这里的逻辑在梳理一下可能会比较好] Normally, I would choose to use e-mail or text messaging to discuss with my friends about these things[感觉这里的these thing有点指代不太清楚, 不如直接用题目中的contradictory problem happend between us说得清楚一些]. There are two main reasons to support my view.



As an emotional person[可以这么用吗?], actually I liked[可以直接用现在时吧?表喜好嘛~]to use the telephone before when[去掉when] I have to deal with distressing things, but something happened later made[可改为forced] me change the way. That is the time when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend who had has[has kept] 5 years relationship with me. I couldn’t sleep so I called my best friend in the middle of the night and getting no help[sought help]! Why? Because I had been crying from begin to [the] end. After several times, my friend writes me an email that giving[gave]me some advice[+s]according[based on] her own experience. The email that I still keeping really helped me walking out from the darkness.[Till now i still keep that email for it really helped me a lot during the darkest period of my life.]



Talking about the time when I face a contentious issue, I prefer writing more than talking[the reason for my perferance of writing over talking when facing a contentious issue否则这里双谓语了] is because[that] normally people[他俩换个位置吧~]tend to[be] more rational when we[they] write something. Whatever it is an email or a text message, before we send it, we usually have a habit to check it at least once. On the other hand,[On the contrary] if we use phone call, we can do nothing after we speak out. So utilizing email is a good method to avoid a phone call turn into a debate or argument. I have seen more than 1 pairs of friends began with some subject so simple but after a while they started an attack against each other with sharp words , in the end their relationship was over just since a stupid call.[这句话整体看起来有些冗长和杂乱, 可以捋顺语言写写~]



Certainly, there is no denying that talking in the phone or using voice message also have some advantage, such as it can makes people feels warmer.[这里可以展开写写如何warmer, 例子神马的~] But as I have stated, when we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others using e-mail or text messaging is the better way.[如果可以把让步单独分成一段写写例子扩充一下, 然后再把最后的总结放最后一段, 这样应该文章的结构会更完整一些~不会显得最后一段这么拥挤^^]


总的来说思路是没问题的~就是还有一些细微之处(比如语法和句子的通顺等)需要注意, 另外文章的语言比较平淡, 可以考虑背背+套用好句, 提高文章的精彩程度^^加油!!

晨依Jacqueline

来看看听心小MM的作文
大体扫了一眼 感觉句式和表达方面比第一次写得进了一大步呢
好多词语的使用感觉相当native！
真是作文隔三日 当刮目相看呀！
小错误还是要注意啊 嘻嘻
楼上的同学也修改的好认真 赞一个！
嗯…巡视完毕革命尚未成功 MM要继续努力哈~~

kchszy061ban

多谢修改！听心改的很好啊。很仔细，看你作文也很native的。

听心22

谢谢你们的鼓励，我碎了一地自信心终于捡回来两片

超级无敌小鹤鹤

来看看听心小MM的作文

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/8/2 22:26:45)

这个听心是群里的听心者？额。。晨依居然敢叫 小MM...

听心22

8月15日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes

提纲：
1.    一般情况下同意, 犯错误也是人生必修课
2.    因为自己的经历印象最为深刻，不容易再犯同样错误
3.    增强受挫能力，培养自信心，从而提高社会竞争力
4.    但必须避免有生命危险的大错误
5.    每个人都是独立的个体,给孩子自由成长的空间，让他们从错误中学习吧


Generally speaking, the reason why parents normally tend to protect their children against making mistakes is because they love their kids and they don’t want them getting hurt, physically or emotionally. In the fact, what the parents may do not realize is that let people learning from their own mistakes is a necessary lessen for their life, especially for children.

In the first place, even though mistake can cause pain, it also makes us remember the bad experience more clearly and avoid from doing it again. From my own experience, for example, I really did not like brush my tooth when I was a little girl since the processes was so boring and seemed like a waste of time. In the mean time, I love sweets, especially ice-cream. Even my mother told me lots of time that how important to brush teeth, I was still careless until I got a cavity and had to do a filling. (at that time, they do the filling without anaesthetic )Since then, I became the most favorite girl of my dentist because I can recall the extreme pain every time I got lazy.

Moreover, by learning their own lesson, children actually can improve anti-frustration ability and increase self-confidence, hence boost their competitive power. Actually, every time I see the word “frustration”, I always can remember the teary face of a young dancer. That was few year ago, I met her outside a concert hall, she looks like 8 years old and was just crying because of lost her first place in a big competition. She was so good that every one thought she can get the golden prize with no doubt. Then I heard her mother said to her:” it’s ok, honey. Everyone can make mistakes, even as good as you and I know you can do better next time, right?” . Right, after 2 year later I saw her face in the newspaper with smile and a big cup. Obviously, she can not be successful without a mother who allows her making mistakes.

However, as qualified parents, we have to protect our kids from big mistakes that very dangerous and may not correct, such as touching the electrical device or swimming in the pool without any lifeguards. Otherwise, I strongly suggest people:” give your children some free space, let them make some mistake and lean from it, they will be stronger !”



我都晕了，请您不用留情面啊

追梦CY

建议写提纲用英语，一是简洁明了方便参考，二是避免中英转换使表达太中式、毕竟还是有不同。开头结尾提纲可以简化成agree／disagree 没必要详细。

首段the reason why... Is because的表达是不对的，去掉because。
want sb to do。
physically and mentally。
... IS Letting／to let their children。
注意语法 动词的形式 写完了要检查一下哦
平时多练习多积累