Vance童鞋的作业贴，求批改，求虐，求喷

Vance1991

还有那篇文章，不知道你是什么感受，是还行一般，还是很水？我需要个准话。。。
那个复数前面是不需要加the么？不强调的话？加的话有什么问题？
那个模板是不太好么？生硬了？

-- by 会员 hjl80959 (2012/7/31 9:12:47)

我觉得中等吧.


the用在单数名词前表示一类人或物
例如: the graduate--指毕业生这类人; 你也可以用these graduates. 但是我没有看到有用the graduates的...


个人认为你那个模板不是很好.特别是结尾段,赶脚有点狗血...
用模板是不会有高分的,孩子.
不过你模板里有些词却是很精彩的.

Vance1991

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.


It is undisputed that honest is the fundamentof making true friends. Only being honest to our friends can we receive respectand help from them. From this perspective, several people hold the view that weshould be completely honest with our friends. However, I am not in favor ofthat. I believe white lies outweigh telling the truth to some extent. I willillustrate the reasons as follows in this essay.

To begin with, sometimes dishonest withfriends can be benefit to your friends while they are complete their dreams. Takemy friend Mark as an example: Mark is a fat boy. He spares no effort to keepfit through every method in his spare time. Last summer, he became a membershipof a fitness club. He kept doing exercise in the club for two hours every day duringthat session. In addition, he was confident that he would lose some weights afterthat. One day I met him on the road while he was taking his way to the club andhe asked me whether he looked slimmer. Although, in my perspective, he wasstill fat as before, I answered yes. How could I answer this question? Told himthe truth and aborted his confidence? Of course not. It is obvious that cheatingto friends in some certain circumstances will not hurt their feelings and depressthem.

What’s more, sometimes dishonest withfriends can prevent the situation from becoming worse. Only in this way canpeople concentrate on the more important events. Take my friend Corry as anillustration. His parents and friends, including me, concealed the fact thathis grandmother passed away before he took the college entrance examination. Therefore,he could put all his energy on preparing the exam without anything disturbedhim. Since we were afraid he would be so sorrow that could not prepare theexams well after hearing the news. In such emergency condition, it is necessaryto make a deception.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe we are not required to be completely honest with ourfriends all the time.

Vance1991

TOPIC:If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging，OR use the telephone or voice-messaging


When emergency problems occur, severalpeople prefer to communicate with each other through e-mail or text message,since they can have enough time to organize their language. However, under suchcircumstances, I believe using telephone or voice-messaging is more convenient.It is better to use these methods to reduce the misunderstandings, get thefeedback immediately and enhance the communication.

To begin with, compared with text messageand e-mails, people can explain their perspectives more clearly to another by usingphone calls and voice-message while they are discussing problems. As a result,it can avoid misunderstandings. Take me as an example: last summer, I took aninternship in Microsoft in Shanghai. One day, Tony, my team leader, sent me an emailto assign me a couple of work. However, the email was full of abbreviations andacronyms which confused me a lot because I was not familiar with them. And itis impossible to ask these acronyms one by one through the email. Therefore, I madea phone call to ask my leader to clarify these words. When you are discussingcomplex problems with another, it is convenient to use telephone orvoice-messages. Because you can ask another immediately in order to dwindle misunderstandings,when you encounter questions.

What’s more, using telephones andvoice-messages you can get response as soon as possible and you cannot enjoysuch luxury while you employ text-message to communicate. The reason is thatpeople will not check their mail box every minute. And it is a common sensethat the rings of text-message are quite shorter than the phone calls. As aresult, people may often disregard the text-message especially when there are occupied.Take my friend Mark as an example: last weekend he and I decided to watch a moviein the cinema of my town. He asked me to send him a message before I departedhome. And I did what he asked but he did not replied to me. I thought he had seenthe message. I waited him in the cinema for a long time and eventually made aphone call to him. Afterward, he said that he did not notice the message. Nevertheless,such situations will not occur if you make a phone call. Nearly all the peoplewill abort their work in their hand to answer the calls.

Moreover, using voice-messages and phonecalls can improve the communication between people. People can gain extra informationon account of the talking manners, pronunciation and intonation during thetalking session. For instance: A loud and strong voice indicates that person isimpatient and rude; A slow and soft voice, on the contrary, demonstrates theperson is gentle; A low and pausal voice states the person is helpless.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe we should use the telephone or voice-messages tocommunicate especially when emergency and controversial issues occur.

Vance1991

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?It is often nota goodthing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends


As the science and technology developing byleaps and bounds with each passing year, the high speed transportation makes itpossible that people can move to a new city conveniently instead of living inone place forever. The consequence is that we cannot meet with our old friends faceto face frequently. From this perspective, certain people hold the view that itis not a good thing to move to a new country since we will lose old friends.However, I am not in favor of this opinion, believing that telephone and highquality of transportation can eliminate this problem. In addition, we also canmake new friends in the new city.

To begin with, using cell-phone you can contactto your friends wherever you are and whenever you want. Thanks to the prevalentusage of telephone and the worldwide distribution of the network, you can makea phone call or sent a text-message to your friends no matter how far yourfriends are when you miss them. Take me as an example: I attended the Zhejiang Universityof Technology in Hangzhou two years ago while Mark, my best friend, entered theBeijing Language and Culture University. At the beginning of that time, I missedhim so much but because of the long distance we cannot meet with each otherconstantly. Therefore, we would make phone calls in the weekend when we werefree. We would share the affairs occurred around us. Actually, our friendship wasstrengthened by the cell-phone rather than impeded by the far distance. Throughthe media of telephone, people will not lose old friends due to the distance.

What’s more, with the high developedtransportation, people can go the cities where their friends live in fast and conveniently.In recently, our government stresses great importance to the development of theinfrastructure of transportation such as, developing high-speed trains, constructingairports, and improving highways. Thanks to the high-speed rail, it saves meapproximately one hour to go back home compared with taking a bus which willcosts me one and half an hour. As a result, I can go home easily to meet myfriends face to face when I want to. For this reason, distance is not a problemto hinder your companionship any more

Moreover, moving to a new city provides youthe chance to meet new people and establish new friendships with them. It is acommon sense that many people, including your friends, will depart from you onaccount of many kinds of reasons in your lifetime. Hence, you should consortnew companies. Besides, according to the new friends you made in the newenvironment, you can learn the local tradition and culture and enrich yourlife.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that long distance will not exert bad influence overyour fellowship and it is nor bad to move to a new city.

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

As the science and technology developing byleaps (这个是我上次就没明白的算了，你也没解释)and bounds with each passing year, the high speed transportation makes it possible that people can move to a new city conveniently instead of living in one place forever. The consequence is that we cannot meet with our old friends face to face frequently. From this perspective, certain people hold the view that it is not a good thing to move to a new country since we will lose old friends. However, I am not in favor of this opinion, believing that telephone and high quality of transportation can eliminate this problem. In addition, we also can make new friends in the new city.

还是空格的问题，下面我就不标记了直接帮你改了
To begin with, using cell-phone you can contact to your friends wherever you are and whenever you want. Thanks to the prevalent usage of telephone and the worldwide distribution of the network, you can makea phone call or sent a text-message to your friends no matter how far your friends are when you miss them. Take me as an example: I attended the Zhejiang University of Technology in Hangzhou two years ago while Mark, my best friend, entered the Beijing Language and Culture University. At the beginning of that time, I missed him so much but because of the long distance（by the limitation of great distance 这种组合有点多了） we cannot meet with each other constantly. Therefore, we would make phone calls in the weekend when we were free. We would share the affairs occurred around us. Actually, our friendship was strengthened by the cell-phone rather than impeded by the far distance. Through the media of telephone, people will not lose old friends due to the distance.
(分总的形式让人开始觉得会是这个说理不太明确吧，我的第一感觉这一段那个四选一的controversial topic 也可以用，还是总起一句吧)
What’s more, with the high developed transportation, people can go the cities where their friends live in fast and conveniently. In recently, our government stresses great importance to the development of the infrastructure of transportation such as, (such as 逗号的在前面)developing high-speed trains, constructing airports, and improving highways. Thanks to the high-speed rail, it saves me approximately one hour to go back home compared with taking a bus which will costs me one and half an hour（多余了有点罗嗦的感觉）. As a result, I can go home easily to meet my friends face to face when I want to（it’s convenient for to be back home by reserving a ticket 这样或许好一点太白话了）. For this reason, distance is not a problem to hinder your companionship any more
没什么好说的观点例子都有很好～
Moreover, moving to a new city provides you the chance to meet new people and establish new friendships with them. It is a（删去）common sense that many people, including your friends, will depart from you on account of many kinds of reasons in your lifetime. Hence, you should consort new companies. Besides, according to the new friends you made in the new environment, you can learn the local tradition and culture and enrich your life.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that long distance will not exert bad influence over your fellowship and it is nor bad to move to a new city.

整体写的很好～我觉得如果吧句子很好的修饰一下可以成为很好的范文了。还是打字空格的问题

词汇很高级用的，不过有的时候简单句过多了。

Vance1991

TOPIC:Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently


In currently,more and more parents focus their attention on the education of theirchildren. As a result, some of the parents help their children to do homeworkin order to gain a outstanding performance. Some of them may encourage theirchildren to deal with it independently. As far as I am concerned, I am in favorof the latter method. I will illustrate the following reason in thisessay.

To begin with, encouraging children to cope with their homework by themselvescan improve their independent thinking and the ability to solve problems. Asthey resolve problems without others’ help, they have to think ways to handlethem on their own. As such experience increases, young children will becomeindependent day by day. Take me as an example; my father always taught meto do schoolwork independently. Last semester, my java (a programming language)teacher assigned each of us an assignment which required us to program softwareindependently. Thanks to the experience of dealing with events alone, I completedthe program out with high quality and quickly. But some of myclassmates were suffering from this  assignment. Therefore, I believeworking independently without parents’ help can enhance the capacity tosolve problems.

What is more, encouraging children to doing their homework alone can maketeachers’ instruction better. Only in this way can the homework reflect thetrue level and determine whether the students absorb the knowledge imparted bythe lectures. For example, my high school English teacher will make a record ofmistakes which we had made during the homework before. And require us reviewthese mistakes frequently aiming to avoid such mistakes in the future. Ifparents help their children to do their homework, this action is useless andmeaningless.

Granted,helping kids to accomplish their homework has several advantages. It canenhance the efficiency of doing homework. For instance, parents can givechildren some ideas when they are impeded by a difficult question. However, ithas drawbacks since some students may cultivate the habit that once encounter aproblem, seems difficult, they will turn to their parents for help in the firstplace rather than trying to solve it by themselves.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I am in favor of encouraging youngkids to do their homework on their own. The reason is conspicuous inthat it will benefit the independent thinking of students, as well as theteaching process.

Vance1991

TPO1


In the lecture, the professor makes some points about thatworkers work for four days instead of five days and willing accept less salarythan before, weather will accelerate the economy as a whole as well as theindividual companies or not. The professor arguesthat it will deteriorate to the companies and the society. However, the reading contends that this policy willbenefit the economy and the companies. The professor’slecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the readingis thatcompanies are forced to spent more money if they allow their workers to workfour days. According to the professor, employershave to employ more employees, therefore, they should spent more money on the trainingand medical fees as well as the office space and the facilities such as,computer, hence the profits of the companies will be descended. It differs from the reading in that the reading statesthat the staffs will be rested and alert, therefore they will make less errors.

Another point that the professor uses to casts doubt on the readingis ithas nothing to do with the increase of the employment.The professor claims that the hiring will be costly, besides, the expectationof the workers recruited the companies will be harsh. Because the corporationswould expect workers to do the equal amount of the work which will be accomplishedin five days before, in four days now. However, thereading states that the employees will becoming fewer over worked andless error-prone which results in the increase of the profit.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, itmay aggrandize some risks of the workers. In otherwords, the ability of workers will be decreased, they may lose theirjobs, and they may not be promoted, since companies like the people who workfor five days. This directly contradicts what thereading passage indicates. It says the policy will improve the qualityof their lives.

lemonyhu

In currently, more and more parents focus their attention on the education of their children. As a result, some of the parents (个人觉得some parents 就够了，更简洁清楚)help their children to do homework in order to gain a outstanding performance（这句话主语是parents，而这个gain a outstanding performance是针对children的）. Some of them（Others既跟前一句分开同时更能突显出来） may encourage their children to deal with it independently. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the latter method. I will illustrate the following reasons in thisessay.

To begin with, encouraging children to cope with their homework by themselvescan improve their independent thinking and the（their） ability to solve problems. Asthey resolve problems without others’ help, they have to think ways（come up with solutions） to handlethem on their own. As such experience increases, young children will becomeindependent day by day.(相连接的两句如果用一样的句式感觉有些重复了，并且第一句我读的有点怪~也可能是我的问题) Take me as an example; my father always taught （tells）meto do schoolwork independently. Last semester, my java (a programming language)teacher assigned each of us an assignment which required us to program softwareindependently. Thanks to the experience of dealing with (such?) events alone, I completed the program out with high quality and quickly. But some of myclassmates were suffering from this assignment. Therefore, I believeworking independently without parents’ help can enhance the capacity tosolve problems.

What is more, encouraging children to doing(do) their homework alone can maketeachers’ instruction better. Only in this way can the homework reflect thetrue level and determine whether the students absorb the knowledge imparted bythe lectures. For example, my high school English teacher will (would)make a record ofmistakes which we had made during the homework before. And( 这句不是独立的句子呢) require us to reviewthese mistakes frequently aiming to avoid such mistakes in the future. Ifparents help their children to do（help sb. do sth.）their homework, this action is useless andmeaningless.

Granted,helping kids to accomplish their homework has several advantages. It canenhance the efficiency of doing homework. For instance, parents can givechildren(give 这种词感觉太简单了，用provide with 是不是更好呢) some ideas when they are impeded by a difficult question. However, ithas drawbacks since some students may cultivate the habit that once encounter aproblem, seems difficult, they will turn to their parents for help in the firstplace rather than trying to solve it by themselves.（首先三单的问题有几处不太统一，they指向不明确）

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I am in favor of encouraging youngkids to do their homework on their own. The reason is conspicuous inthat it will benefit the independent thinking of students, as well as theteaching process

以下纯属个人见解，如果有觉得不妥的地方可以咱俩讨论讨论啊~

1、不知道是故意的还是忘记了，亲爱的你经常不打两个词之间的空格呢，这样的习惯我觉得需要平时注意~毕竟上场更紧张的~如果是故意的就当我没说啦~

2、中间三段都用ing的形式开头觉得有点单调，可以尝试一下换换句型，比如there is no doubt 啊~by doing。。。。啊~~

3、还有文章里有一些小的错误，比如时态啊、语态啊之类的，平时注意一下就成~

4、对于简单词汇的问题我觉得需要LZ背一些替换词之类的，看着高级，但是有些不必要的复杂句反而会让人看的有点不知道在说什么，从句也不用太长，个人感觉。

Crystal119

In the lecture, the professor makes some points about that workers work for four days instead of five days and willing accept

less（改成lower是不是好一些呢？） salary than before, weather（是不是应该是whether呀） will accelerate the economy as a whole

as well as the individual companies or not.（这一句好像表述得不太清楚，） The professor argues that it will deteriorate to （

deteriorate可以是vi，这里的to应该不用加）the companies and the society. However, the reading contends that this policy will

benefit the economy and the companies. The professor’slecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that companies are forced to spent more money if they

allow their workers to work four days. According to the professor, employers have to employ more employees, therefore, they

should spent more money on the training and medical fees as well as the office space and the facilities such as,computer,

hence the profits of the companies will be descended（应该为主动descend，descended是继承的意思）. It differs from the reading

in that the reading states that the staffs will be rested and alert, therefore they will make less errors.（It differs from

the reading in which states that blablabla...）

Another point that the professor uses to casts(cast) doubt on the reading is it(指代的是？) has nothing to do with the

increase of the employment.The professor claims that the hiring will be costly, besides, the expectation of the workers

recruited the companies will be harsh（the companies' expectations of the workers recruited will be harsh）. Because the

corporations would expect workers to do the equal amount of the work which will be accomplished in five days before, in four

days now(expect workers to accomplish the equal amount of the work in four days now instead of five days before). However,

the reading states that the employees will becoming(become) fewer over worked(这个地方好像有点问题，但是因为我还没下载完TPO，

所以不知道怎么改) and less error-prone which results in the increase of the profit.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, it may aggrandize some risks of the workers. In other

words, the ability of workers will be decreased, they may lose their jobs, and they may not be promoted, since companies like

the people who work for five days. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates. It says the policy will

improve the quality of their lives.

真的有些词之间没有空格哟，如果是无意的就注意下啦。
很抱歉这么晚才给你改作文，因为一直在等着TPO的下载完成，结果到现在都没下来，我是参考了反问给你改的，不足之处请见谅啊。
有些动词后面加不加S可以小注意一下，
有些句子虽然读下去可以读懂，但是语法上或者流畅度上有些欠缺，我猜想是不是可以看看长难句什么的模仿一下，多总结一下，就可以写出既不冗长而又表意清楚地句子啦，我在这方面也很欠缺的，一起加油吧
还有就是我看反问最后貌似还是肯定了一下reading的，范文是这样的，貌似还可以增加字数：
Finally, the lecturer argues that under the new policy, employees will experience not only decreased quality of life (as shorter working hours will translate into less pay), but also fewer chances to be promoted to supervisory positions. However, the reading passage contends that more leisure hours can create opportunities to strengthen family ties and allow employees to develop private interests, making them feel more satisfied with their lives.
我TPO不知道能不能按时下下来，如果作业发布时还没看到的话那就是没有成功啦，第一次改作文，多多指教啊~

Crystal119

因为机子有些问题，用不了WORD，所以阅读上会给你造成不便，不好意思啊