Vance童鞋的作业贴，求批改，求虐，求喷

fairyfinger

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误


In recently (直接用Recently就可以啦), more and more children gain knowledge by entering schools than those in earlier time.People in recent times, in other words, are easier to be educated than in the past. There are many reasons for that, such as more and more parents having(have) the ability to offer their children to access to the college, national policy paying greater attention to the education and a great number of universities that have been  established.

To begin with, as the country is developing day by day, more and more families are becoming affluent than before. As aresult, most of these families will require their children to go study at schools. Take my family as an example: in thegeneration of my grandparents, most of these people did not have the chance toaccess to knowledge. The reason is that at that time the wholesociety was less affluent; a lot of the families(families) were even too poor to meet their basic living requirements. Therefore, mostpeople during those decades did not receive education. Inthe generation of my father, the living condition is  improved a lot; most family could afford for their children to study at school(afford for+sth./doing sth.). However, the level of education was still quite low. Most of them stopped further education after they graduated fromhigh school, because their parents wanted them to make money to supporttheir families. In my generation, nearly all thechildren can access to the university. More and more people go abroadfor further education. It is obvious that people are easier be educated thanbefore.
LZ access用了好多次，可以换成have chance to go之类的替换一下～：）

Moreover, the government pays enough attention to the education nowadays. Takemy country, China, as an illustration. In the lastseveral decades ago, our government legislated a law called 9 yearscompulsory education, which forces parents to make their children go toschool for 9 years. In other words, everyone has to graduate from highschool. Besides, a few years ago, our government had reduced the fee for the primary school in some poor regions. All these policies are aimed(aim） to let more and more people to access to the education easier.

What’s more, in the recent decades( in recent years) government has established many universitiesand colleges. Now there are nearly 250 universities and a lot of colleges inthe whole country to meet the great requirement of education.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that nowadays people have easier access to education than before.

总的来说LZ的逻辑思路很清晰，一目了然。但有时候用词表达比较单一～～可以着重加强～～加油！！

hansxiao7

楼主昨天就帮我批了。。。批完了请见谅。。。Although people from different countries are separated by regional boundaries, thanks to the increasingly advanced technology of mass media and the internet, we can (get) access to plenty information all over the world. Notwithstanding, parts of the information seems unrelated to(不该有吧？） and have no influence on we individuals but we still need to be aware of those message. I will illustrate the reasons as following in this essay.

To begin with, having an international view can help you find great jobs especially to those who want to work in the(the应去掉） international companies. As the increasingly number of international companies establish branch companies in China, it is essential for the employees to have an international view and pay attention to the information in foreign countries even which seems have no affect on their lives. (这句就有点太长了。。。话说可以多分几句 多用几个连接词 还能凑字数）Take me as example, last summer I was interviewed for an internship in Microsoft. During the interview, theinterviewer asked me talk about the economic crisis which happened in America(我写的是GREECE好有缘啊 哈哈）.(这里要变两个句子） I was so embarrassed at that time because I had no knowledge about it. I thought that was not happened(不该用被动 应该是that did not happen) in my country and was unrelated to my daily life. It isobviously(把it is 去掉）, I failed in the interview. After that I realized that informing the movement of the world is becoming a basic skill for the employees especially in current globalized era.

What’s more, knowing the events happened in other countries can help us to handle some emergency crisis. In current globalized society, if some county(ies)occur crisis, no matter in the flied of economy, culture or science, it will affect other countries in a short time.Therefore, knowing the latest trends of the international affairs can help us prevent the crisis from happening and prepare measures to deal with it in advance. Take the economic (subprime crisis) crisis happened in America in 2008 as an example. Although it was originated in the America, it spread quick and involved nearly all of the countries. Sincemy country had a prediction of that and made some policies to protect the economyin domestic, the influence of the crisis was not severe.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I holdthe view that even though some kinds of the global events seems have noinfluence to our daily lives, we still require to know them.
有些词真心不错 楼主的思路也很好。。。非常的新颖 只是注意句型 和 断句 长短句结合 这样就更好了

Vance1991

TOPIC:Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character.


Clothes are the external appearance ofpeople. Some people pay great attention on their dressing styles aimed to leaveglorious impression to others. From this perspective, certain people hold theview that people can judge the way a person dressed to indicate his personalityand character. As far as I am concerned, however, we cannot recognize people’sindividuality simply rely on their dressing style. I will illustrate thereasons as follows in this essay.

To begin with, some kinds of people have nochoice to choose their dressing style in some circumstances because they haveto dress certain cloth style according to the regulations in some specificplaces. Take me as an example: when I was studying in my senior high school,according my school rules, we students had to wear the school uniform otherwisethe teachers would not let you enter the school. Besides, it was also forbiddento strip the school uniform in the classroom. How can people judge students’ characteristicsin this situation? Also, soldiers have to wear military uniform in the troops;policemen have to wear police uniform when they are working; assembly-workers haveto wear work uniform in the factory. It is obvious that numerous people have todress uniform because of rules. Therefore, we cannot understand their personalities.

What’s more, sometimes people’s dressingstyle has something to do with the convention instead of their own characters.For instance: in ancient China, when people holding a wedding, the bridegroomand the bride had to wear red wedding dresses since the red stood festival inthe traditional Chinese culture; when people attending funeral, all the peopleare required to wear cloth in black because black refers respectful; whilepeople participate international conference, all the attendees need to dressformal suits because of solemn.

Moreover, people’s dressing style also is influencedby their financial state rather than their own personalities. The reason isthat affluent people can buy sophisticated and glorious apparels such as Armaniand Prada. Nevertheless, some people have to buy poor quality cloth of infamousbrand. It is uncontroversial that we cannot judge that people who dress inferiorcloth have worse personalities than those who wear gorgeous garments.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe we cannot recognize people’s characters through theirdressing style simply.

Vance1991

TOPIC:the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees


Certain companies hold the perspective thatthe most imperative investment is to cost money to improve the working skillsof their employees. However, I believe that the working skill is not the onlymost important part of a company. Code of conduct and the coordination of teamworkalso play significant roles in a company. I will illustrate the reasons asfollowing in this essay.

To begin with, code of conduct is also greatlyimportant to a company. Company should pay increasingly attention to theiremployees’ behaviors especially those who can access to the confidentialinformation of the company. It can help company to maintain a respectfulreputation. It can reduce the corruption and bribing in the company. It canprevent the company from leaking trade secret to its opponent. I took aninternship in Microsoft in ShangHai last summer. The most impressive memory itgave me is that the company attaches importance to the code of conduct ofemployees seriously. At the beginning of my job, the company forced us newinterns to finish a lesson about code of conduct online. Besides, it also helda whole day training session for us talking about the legal behaviors in thecompany. During the session, it gave out manuals about code of conduct to us. Itis obvious that if u want to develop your company, you should emphasize theaction of the employees.

What’s more, the teamwork is also anotherimportant part of a company. Employee works as a team rather than works alonein the company. Therefore, the coordination in the team members and between theteams is indispensible to an excellent company. Microsoft is developing his ownsmart-phone which uses its own chips. To produce a complete cell-phoneefficiently and effectively the company assigns a great number of teams to workon the different part of the phone, such as, a specific team for camera,another team for LED screen. As a result, the communication and coordination ofthe teams is more important than the skills of the employees.

Taking all these aspects into consideration,I believe that companies should not only focus on the skills of their employeesbut also the code of conduct and the coordination between teams.

lvfengoo

红色是觉得有问题的地方   高亮的是觉得好的地方 蓝色是有疑问的
Clothes arethe external appearance of people. Some people pay great attention on theirdressing styles aimed to leave（a 我见ALEX总是批单词裸奔的问题 不知对不对）glorious impression to(是不是应该是on)others. From this perspective, certain people hold the view that people can judge the way a person dressed toindicate his personality and character.（我觉得这句话有些混乱丫。Judge by the way。。。和 the way …indicate …两种逻辑结构混搭了） As far as I am concerned, however, we cannotrecognize people’s individuality simply rely（relying是分词形式吧~~） on their dressing style. I will illustrate the reasonsas follows in this essay.

To begin with, some kinds of people have no choice to choose their dressing style insome circumstances because they have to dress certain cloth style according tothe regulations in some specific places. Take me as an example: when I wasstudying in my senior high school, according my school rules, we students hadto wear the school uniform otherwise the teachers would not let you enter theschool. Besides, it was also forbidden to strip the school uniform in theclassroom. How can people judge students’ characteristics in this situation? Also,soldiers have to wear military uniform in the troops; policemen have to wearpolice uniform when they are working; assembly-workers(是装配工人的意思么？) have to wearwork uniform in the factory. It is obvious that numerous people have to dressuniform because of rules. Therefore, we cannot understand their personalities.（真心觉得你的这个思路比我好很多呢我木有想到很多的职业必须穿制服这点 ）

What’s more, sometimes people’s dressing stylehas something to do with the convention instead of their own characters. Forinstance: in ancient China, when people holding（holded吧when引导的时间状语从句） a wedding, the bridegroom and the bride had to wear redwedding dresses since the red stood (是不是缺少for呢) festival in the traditional Chinese culture;when people attending（attended）(a名词裸奔？) funeral, allthe people are（were你说的是在古代中国吧） required to wear cloth in black because black refers respectful（这个怎么解释呢refer是取得那个意思呀？可以不用refer …to..结构嚒？）; while people participate（participated我感觉应该是过去式呢，和上面一样）(an)international conference, all the attendees need to dress formal suits becauseof solemn(solemnity?名词吧).

Moreover, people’s dressing style also isinfluenced by their financial state rather than their own personalities. Thereason is that affluent people can buy sophisticated and glorious apparels suchas Armani and Prada. Nevertheless, some people have to buy poor quality cloth of in famous brand（是Of famous brand嚒？）. It is uncontroversial that we cannot judge that peoplewho dress inferior cloth have worse personalities than those who wear gorgeous garments（这个词很好呢）.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, Ibelieve we cannot recognize people’s characters through their dressing style simply（这个是不是应该放在recognize前面呢？）.

lvfengoo

针对7月28号的


红色是觉得有问题的地方   高亮的是觉得好的地方 蓝色是有疑问的
Clothes arethe external appearance of people. Some people pay great attention on theirdressing styles aimed to leave（a 我见ALEX总是批单词裸奔的问题 不知对不对）glorious impression to(是不是应该是on)others. From this perspective, certain people hold the view that people can judge the way a person dressed toindicate his personality and character.（我觉得这句话有些混乱丫。Judge by the way。。。和 the way …indicate …两种逻辑结构混搭了） As far as I am concerned, however, we cannotrecognize people’s individuality simply rely（relying是分词形式吧~~） on their dressing style. I will illustrate the reasonsas follows in this essay.

To begin with, some kinds of people have no choice to choose their dressing style insome circumstances because they have to dress certain cloth style according tothe regulations in some specific places. Take me as an example: when I wasstudying in my senior high school, according my school rules, we students hadto wear the school uniform otherwise the teachers would not let you enter theschool. Besides, it was also forbidden to strip the school uniform in theclassroom. How can people judge students’ characteristics in this situation? Also,soldiers have to wear military uniform in the troops; policemen have to wearpolice uniform when they are working; assembly-workers(是装配工人的意思么？) have to wearwork uniform in the factory. It is obvious that numerous people have to dressuniform because of rules. Therefore, we cannot understand their personalities.（真心觉得你的这个思路比我好很多呢我木有想到很多的职业必须穿制服这点 ）

What’s more, sometimes people’s dressing stylehas something to do with the convention instead of their own characters. Forinstance: in ancient China, when people holding（holded吧when引导的时间状语从句） a wedding, the bridegroom and the bride had to wear redwedding dresses since the red stood (是不是缺少for呢) festival in the traditional Chinese culture;when people attending（attended）(a名词裸奔？) funeral, allthe people are（were你说的是在古代中国吧） required to wear cloth in black because black refers respectful（这个怎么解释呢refer是取得那个意思呀？可以不用refer …to..结构嚒？）; while people participate（participated我感觉应该是过去式呢，和上面一样）(an)international conference, all the attendees need to dress formal suits becauseof solemn(solemnity?名词吧).

Moreover, people’s dressing style also isinfluenced by their financial state rather than their own personalities. Thereason is that affluent people can buy sophisticated and glorious apparels suchas Armani and Prada. Nevertheless, some people have to buy poor quality cloth of in famous brand（是Of famous brand嚒？）. It is uncontroversial that we cannot judge that peoplewho dress inferior cloth have worse personalities than those who wear gorgeous garments（这个词很好呢）.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, Ibelieve we cannot recognize people’s characters through their dressing style simply（这个是不是应该放在recognize前面呢？）.

pinkyhuayin

7月29日
TOPIC:the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees


Certain companies hold the perspective thatthe most imperative investment is to cost money to improve the working skillsof their employees. However, I believe that the working skill is not the onlymost important part of a company. Code of conduct and the coordination of teamworkalso play significant roles in a company. I will illustrate the reasons asfollowing in this essay.

To begin with, code of conduct is also greatlyimportant to a company. Company should pay increasingly attention to theiremployees’ behaviors especially those who can access to the confidentialinformation of the company. It can help company to maintain a respectfulreputation. It can reduce the corruption and bribing in the company. It canprevent the company from leaking trade secret to its opponent. I took aninternship in Microsoft in ShangHai last summer. The most impressive memory itgave me is that the company attaches importance to the code of conduct ofemployees seriously. At the beginning of my job, the company forced us newinterns to finish a lesson about code of conduct online. Besides, it also helda whole day training session for us talking about the legal behaviors in thecompany. During the session, it gave out manuals about code of conduct to us.    besides, a whole day training session told us the legal behaviors  and we got manuals about code of conduct for further study after the training. Itis obvious that if u want to develop your company, you should emphasize theaction of the employees.这段总的写的不错，没有大问题。就是句式可以在多变写 it 用的太多，读起来有些单调。




What’s more, the teamwork is also anotherimportant part of a company. Employee works as a team member rather than works alone loner in the company. Therefore, the coordination in the team members and between theteams is indispensible to an excellent company. Microsoft is developing his ownsmart-phone which uses its own chips.这两个指代应该是一个吧，要一致 To produce a complete cell-phoneefficiently and effectively the company assigns a great number of teams to workon the different part of the phone, such as,这里的such as 举例有问题 .建议改成e.g. a specific team in the charge of for camera,another team for LED screen. As a result, the communication and coordination ofthe teams is more important than the skills of the employees.

Taking all these aspects into consideration,I believe that companies should not only focus on the skills of their employeesbut also the code of conduct and the coordination between teams.  本来是一致强调 cc 比较重要，但是结尾，又和skill 并列了，有些突兀。建议楼主结尾处，也下点功夫，做个漂亮的收尾。


三十分钟在考场上写这样也算不错啦，不过还有可以提升的空间，楼主加油↖(^ω^)↗

Vance1991

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past


As the science and technology developing byleaps and bounds with each passing year, a great number of breakthroughs have tookplace and change the world dramatically. For instance: the internet enrichespeople’s lives; the organic transplant makes people live longer; the high speedtransportation leads us convenient lives. From this perspective, several peoplehold the view that people feel more satisfied than those in past. However, I believethat, nowadays, people lead less happy lives compared with the elders to someextent. I will illustrate the reasons as follows in this essay.

To begin with, although the development ofthe science and technology accelerate the progress of the whole societysubstantially, it also raises some new issues during the process. The mostsevere problem is the pollution of the environment such as: the increasingly exhaustedgas in the air; the increasingly acute congestion on the road; the increasinglypoor quality of water. How can people live comfortable lives in such situation?When I was a kid, I always swan with my friends in the river near my house. Thewater is clear at that time. After a large factory which manufactures paperestablished in the upper reaches of the river, the quality of the water wasbecoming terrible day by day. Now, even fishes are unwilling to swim in thatriver! The river is filled with rubbish and industrial effluents and gives outfoul smell especially in the summer which disturbs us a lot.

What’s more, some of the revolutionary technologyseem benefit the society ostensibly, but, in essence, its drawbacks are outweighits advantages. Take the assemble-line manufacture as an example. Granted itimproves the efficiency of the factories and stimulate the economy of the society.On the other hand, it results in a numerous of nuisances. The less cost andefficient assemble-line replace the positions of the manual worker. As a result,lots of workers loss their jobs. In addition, it also renders us become theslavers to the machines. The Foxconn, one famous foundry in China, is a typicalrepresentation. There are 10 people jumped from a building in succession in2011 because of the above reasons.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that current people are less happy and lass satisfiedthen those in the past.

hjl80959

7月30日

TOPIC:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
As the science and technology developing byleaps(这是准备用什么，不过这个单词我是没查到) and bounds with each passing year, a great number of breakthroughs have tookplace（taken place）and change（changed） the world dramatically. For instance: the internet enrichespeople’s lives（空格）; the organic transplant makes people live longer; the high speedtransportation（high—speed transportation）leads（brings） us convenient lives. From this perspective, several peoplehold （空格）the view that people feel more satisfied than those in past. However, I believethat（that 去掉吧，要不就空格，最好去掉）, nowadays, people lead less happy lives compared with the elders to someextent(空格). I will illustrate the reasons as follows in this essay.

第一段写的很好，通过例子来说明，是一件很好的事情，不知道你下面准备是展开反证还是用新的例子，如果是后者我不得不佩服丰富的想象力了。By the way, space between the words is important.可能是打得太快的缘故，不过这个问题下面我看了一下还是很多，我就只是指出，不再说明空格了，只是修改后加红字因为太多了。。。。
To begin with, although the development ofthe （of the）science and technology accelerate（acclerates） the progress of the whole society substantially, it also raises some new issues during the process. The mostsevere （severest）problem is the pollution of the environment such as: the increasingly exhausted gas in the air; the increasingly（miserably） acute congestion on the road（道路阻塞不算污染吧？）; the increasingly（irresistibly）poor quality of water.并列的句子的确很精彩，但是increasingly用了三遍就不太好了 How can people live comfortable lives in such situation?When I was a kid, I always swan with my friends in the river near my house. Thewater is clear（was） at that time. After a large factory which manufactures paper established in the upper reaches of the river, the quality of the water wasbecoming terrible day by day（the smell (condition)of the water was becoming offensive day by day quality出现的次数太多了）. Now, even fishes are unwilling to swim in that river! The river is filled with rubbish and industrial effluents and gives out foul smell especially in the summer which disturbs us a lot.

很精彩，应该在画龙点睛一下，加个总结，

Hence, in this point the issues, along with the development, bring out the satisfactory consequence.

What’s more, some of the revolutionary technology seems (to) benefit the society ostensibly, but, in essence, its drawbacks are (删去)outweighits advantages. Take the assemble-line manufacture as an example. Granted it improves the efficiency of the factories and stimulates the economy of the society.On the other hand, it results in a numerous of nuisances. The less cost and efficient assemble-line replace the positions of the manual worker. As a result,lots of workers loss loses their jobs. In addition, it also renders us become the slavers to the machines（it compels us to be slavers to the machines）. (连词两个例子过渡太生硬)The Foxconn, one famous foundry in China, is a typical representation. There are 10 people jumped from a building in succession in2011 because of the above reasons. （there have been ）

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that current people are less happy and less satisfied than those in the past.



文章总体思路相当不错，如果不出现以上错误注入空格等，应该是篇很好的文章，但是我觉得缺点在于写得不是很深入，让人读完了觉得有点懂又或不懂，作者推理是这样的现在的污染和缺点多与过去所以人们不快乐，问题是为什么这样的推理正确，作者们没有把这个链条连接好，事实证明很充分，但推论结果似乎有点无力了。

hjl80959

还有那篇文章，不知道你是什么感受，是还行一般，还是很水？我需要个准话。。。
那个复数前面是不需要加the么？不强调的话？加的话有什么问题？
那个模板是不太好么？生硬了？