Concomitant with the growing awareness of the extremely detrimental environment in big cities, there are increasingly amount of people are moving from cities to rural areas in order to get healthy. However, many citizens insist that this behavior is at the sacrifice of diminishing the quality of taking care of their families. As far as I am concerned, living in rural or suburbs is less convenient for people to take care of their families, ;(这个地方就用分号了,是两个句子)and subsequently the people who live in urban areas can take better care of their families compared with people who live in rural areas(去掉显得简洁一些哈).
To begin with, it is undeniable that large quantities of modern technology复数额,亲, such as the washing machines and cooking robots,which isare tremendously mature and versatile, is making people(it,make it easire for people,) easier to look after their family members. (这里加个连接词什么的,)Living in urban means that people will get the advanced technology and innovations as soon as possible. On contrast, these developments should spend lots of years spreading and proliferating in rural areas. For example, the cooking robots are particularly common in Shenzhen, China, and even some restaurants are using them instead of real people. With that unprohibitive machine, people can not merely cook palatable feast for family members, but also finish cooking in just few minutes, which is more imperative in the increasingly frantic world. However, in rural areas, people today cannot have the access to buy such a perfect robot to take care of their family members.
In addition, living in urban means people are more accessible to public devices. Just as wings are indispensable for birds, so are categories of public devices to humans. They are all integral parts of people's lives, and living (in)cities means they can take better care of their families with them, especially advanced medical technology of urban's clinics. Because medical cares and technology in cities by all means have typically greater benefits than in rural, it is incontrovertible that citizens can look after their family members when they are ill and hospitalized. (For example)When my grandma is ill, my mother prefer to take her to cities' big hospitals, rather than let her diagnosed by rural clinics. On no account can we ignore the great significance and convenience of living in urban.(结尾和前面要有联系的额。)
Judging from above evidence, compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take worse care of their families. Living in cities means people are more accessible to technologies and public devices, which are all essential for people to take care of their families.
总体不错额,句子和用词都还好。就是整体的结构要处理好。呵呵,加油亲。
还有不好意思改晚了,I am really sorry.
|