【写作小分队】削梨儿再不写作文就来不及了！真心求拍~

削梨儿

加油，坚持就是胜利~


写作大本营 http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-661450-1-1.html


我还弄了一个历年独立作文JJ的分类，大家要写的自己下来看看吧

削梨儿

5.30 TPO7 综合
The lecturer says the theory stated in the passage is very different and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened for real by talking about a research.

First of all, American consumers do care about the certification of  independent consumer agency. That is, when they buy wood production, they do pay attention to the ecocertification label, especially it is recognized by the agency with reputation. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, price only affects the consumers’ decision in extreme circumstances. For example, when the price is much higher than the normal price, consumer might not consider buying it. But, the price of wood with ecocertification is not too much higher than normal one. So the additional costs will not reduce the demand of the wood. This also contradicts the theory in the passage.

Third, wood companies with ecocertification may come into America market to seek opportunity.  Critics claim that pursuing certification wouldn’t make sense for American wood companies unless they export their wood to the rest of the world. On the contrary, if the American wood companies do not improve the quality of wood and get the certification, they may lose the market in their own country.

To sum up, the lecturer totally disagrees with the opinions in the passage and supports the ecocertification of wood with his explanations.

yuyiqi1105

530综合 第一次改作文，不当之处多多包涵哈~
蓝色为疑惑和建议，红色为错误，高亮是精彩哟~
The lecturer says the theory stated in the passage is very different and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened for real by talking about a research.

First of all, American consumers do care about the certification of  independent consumer agency. That is, when they buy wood production, they do pay attention to the ecocertification label, especially（后面的it is句是完整的句子，副词especially不能连接两个句子呦，可以把it改成which的说） it is recognized by the agency with reputation. This （this后面加上一个point是不是指代更明确捏？）directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, price only affects the consumers’ decision in extreme circumstances. For example, when the price is much higher than the normal price, consumer might not consider buying it. But, the price of wood （这里还加上products呗，要不就是木头的价格了~）with ecocertification is not too much higher than normal one（这里的one是指代价格的吧~但是价格不可数吧？就不能用one指代喽~）. So the additional costs will not reduce the demand of the wood. This（这里跟上段结尾用词重复，是不是可以考虑换别的同义词来代替呢~） also contradicts the theory in the passage.

Third, wood companies with ecocertification may come into America market to seek opportunity.  Critics claim that pursuing certification wouldn’t make sense for American wood companies unless they export their wood to the rest of the world. On the contrary, if the American wood companies do not improve the quality of wood and get the certification, they may lose the market in their own country.

To sum up,the lecturer totally disagrees with the opinions in the passage and supports the ecocertification of wood with his explanations.

梨儿也加油哈！！~~咱们每天都练下去一定可以拿高分呦！！~~

削梨儿

530综合 第一次改作文，不当之处多多包涵哈~
蓝色为疑惑和建议，红色为错误，高亮是精彩哟~
The lecturer says the theory stated in the passage is very different and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened for real by talking about a research.

First of all, American consumers do care about the certification of  independent consumer agency. That is, when they buy wood production, they do pay attention to the ecocertification label, especially（后面的it is句是完整的句子，副词especially不能连接两个句子呦，可以把it改成which的说） it is recognized by the agency with reputation. This （this后面加上一个point是不是指代更明确捏？）directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, price only affects the consumers’ decision in extreme circumstances. For example, when the price is much higher than the normal price, consumer might not consider buying it. But, the price of wood （这里还加上products呗，要不就是木头的价格了~）with ecocertification is not too much higher than normal one（这里的one是指代价格的吧~但是价格不可数吧？就不能用one指代喽~）. So the additional costs will not reduce the demand of the wood. This（这里跟上段结尾用词重复，是不是可以考虑换别的同义词来代替呢~） also contradicts the theory in the passage.

Third, wood companies with ecocertification may come into America market to seek opportunity.  Critics claim that pursuing certification wouldn’t make sense for American wood companies unless they export their wood to the rest of the world. On the contrary, if the American wood companies do not improve the quality of wood and get the certification, they may lose the market in their own country.

To sum up,the lecturer totally disagrees with the opinions in the passage and supports the ecocertification of wood with his explanations.

梨儿也加油哈！！~~咱们每天都练下去一定可以拿高分呦！！~~

-- by 会员 yuyiqi1105 (2012/5/31 11:57:39)

谢谢77，再问一下哦，我是不是有些点没有写到啊，比如lecture里面有说 consumers are exposed to advertisements，还有consumers care about protecting environment这样的，是不是也要写到作文里的呀？

削梨儿

｛5.31 TPO8 综合｝
The lecturer is talking about source that could confirm the accuracy of the memoir written by Chevalier, which challenges what is stated in the reading material.

In the passage, it is said that Chevalier wouldn’t borrow any money if he was wealthy. However, the lecturer claims that properties owned by Chevalier could not immediately offer him enough cash to spend on parties and gambling. They are should be sold first, which may spend few days. So, borrowing money from others does not mean he is not wealthy.

Second, the critics say that it is impossible for Chevalier to remember the details of conversations that happened few years ago. Nevertheless, Chevalier had a habit of writing down every detail of conversations each night. He just referred to the notes when he wrote his memoir. Moreover, some witnesses lived with him in her later life remembered that when he wrote the memoir, he did look for his journals. So, this contradicts what the critics say.

Finally, critics also doubted the reliability of the Chevalier’s escape. They thought he might bribe the jailers instead of escaping himself by using metal to dig a hole. On the contrary, the lecturer claims that it is impossible for the Chevalier to bribe to get free, because even those who are powerful were not getting free. More importantly, a document cited that the ceiling of the jail was repaired after the escape of Chevalier.

To sum up, the lecturer refutes the opinions in the passage by three points that could confirm the accuracy of the Chevalier’s memoir.

喵喵了个咪

改｛5.31 TPO8 综合｝
The lecturer is talking about source that could confirm the accuracy of the memoir written by Chevalier, which challenges what is stated in the reading material.

In the passage, it is said that Chevalier wouldn’t(感觉用needn’t好些) borrow any money if he was wealthy. However, the lecturer claims that properties owned by Chevalier could not immediately offer him enough cash(和听力有冲突。听力中提到properties不是现金。和是否enough无关。) to spend on parties and gambling. They are should be(两个be) sold first, which may spend few days(话没说完。后边加上to wait for his money back). So, borrowing money from others does not mean he is not wealthy.

Second, the criticssay that it is impossible for Chevalier to remember the details of conversations that happened few years ago. Nevertheless, Chevalier had a habit of writing down every detail of conversations each night. He just referred to the notes when he wrote his memoir. Moreover, some witnesses lived with him in her(这个女人是谁。。。) later life remembered that when he wrote the memoir, he did look for his journals. So, this contradicts what the critics say.

Finally, criticsalso doubted the reliability of the Chevalier’s escape of the prison. They thought he might bribe the jailers instead of escaping himself by using metal to dig a hole.(没有提到C的政界朋友) On the contrary, the lecturer claims that it is impossible for the Chevalier to bribe to get free, because even those who are powerful were not getting free. More importantly, a document cited that the ceiling of the jail was repaired after the escape of Chevalier.

To sum up, the lecturer refutes the opinions in the passage by three points that could confirm the accuracy of the Chevalier’s memoir.

句式和结构都不错。听力的点也都听到了。注意一下写作时的小细节和语法。

继续努力！

削梨儿

改｛5.31 TPO8 综合｝
The lecturer is talking about source that could confirm the accuracy of the memoir written by Chevalier, which challenges what is stated in the reading material.

In the passage, it is said that Chevalier wouldn’t(感觉用needn’t好些) borrow any money if he was wealthy. However, the lecturer claims that properties owned by Chevalier could not immediately offer him enough cash(和听力有冲突。听力中提到properties不是现金。和是否enough无关。) to spend on parties and gambling. They are should be(两个be) sold first, which may spend few days(话没说完。后边加上to wait for his money back). So, borrowing money from others does not mean he is not wealthy.

Second, the criticssay that it is impossible for Chevalier to remember the details of conversations that happened few years ago. Nevertheless, Chevalier had a habit of writing down every detail of conversations each night. He just referred to the notes when he wrote his memoir. Moreover, some witnesses lived with him in her(这个女人是谁。。。) later life remembered that when he wrote the memoir, he did look for his journals. So, this contradicts what the critics say.

Finally, criticsalso doubted the reliability of the Chevalier’s escape of the prison. They thought he might bribe the jailers instead of escaping himself by using metal to dig a hole.(没有提到C的政界朋友) On the contrary, the lecturer claims that it is impossible for the Chevalier to bribe to get free, because even those who are powerful were not getting free. More importantly, a document cited that the ceiling of the jail was repaired after the escape of Chevalier.

To sum up, the lecturer refutes the opinions in the passage by three points that could confirm the accuracy of the Chevalier’s memoir.

句式和结构都不错。听力的点也都听到了。注意一下写作时的小细节和语法。

继续努力！

-- by 会员 喵喵了个咪 (2012/6/1 11:46:08)

非常感谢喵喵~辛苦了~