【写作小分队】:5月20日初试伤不起啊~~叩谢各位前来拍砖~~

lucystar2012

5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

In current society, how to educate children becomes the hot focus among most of parents. Some parents care about their children so much that the children are spoiled. Instead, if parents spare more free space for their children and let them develop on their own, the result can be more effective to cultivate children's personality and to advance their ability.

Children, in fact, need parents help during their growth. But the process of growth also depends on themselves. In most situation, parents should not take place of them. For example, how to dress cloths is the basic ability for everyone. Parents should teach them how to put on their cloths instead of dress them up directly even when they can finish independently. So it is important for children to acquire the basic living ability by letting them try every trial things in the daily life.

Also, the degree of independence of children determines their creative thought which will provide them with more opportunities for designing their hobbies and career than parents' help can offer. After all, their lives belong to themselves, it is necessary for them to think about their ways of life over and over in accordance with their willings, but not according to their parents' arrangement. For example, Bill Gates gives up his college and decides to inaugurate his favorite thing, finally, he establishes his own company and succeeds.
And this sense of  happiness made by themselve is the most precious in their life.
Parents will be unable to attend their children if they are old. Parents should live a happy life without the burden of their children at the old age. As children grow up, they can help their parents with some housework and learn how to gratitude for their mother and father. In their own engagement into these things, they not only accumulate much experience, but also improve their moral sense.

Parents are the first role for us to open a window  to a new world. But children are the subject to embrace and to enjoy this colorful world. So I strongly believe parents need to encourage their children to experience their life on their own.

5.5 TPO6

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of traditional encyclopedias have more value than online encyclopedias. The professor argues that not everything is perfect, and online encyclopedia makes more contribution compared with its problems.

In the reading passage, online encyclopedia often makes some academic mistakes. On the contrary, the professor says printed encyclopedias have made many errors that can't easily correct but remain eternally, which is different from the easy access to correct errors equipped within online encyclopedia.

The professor then opposes reading's idea that online encyclopedia giveseveryone opportunity to change the information at random by stating two approaches are used to solve the malicious change problem: one is to put crucial articles into the part that no one can revise, the other is to arrange the professional editor to monitor every change and to delete malicious change.

Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that the information communal encyclopedias offers is too massive to show what's important. The professor points out the communal encyclopedias can reflect the most popular interest among the diversity of people's concernings. Thus, the communal encyclopedias stand at more broader station than traditional ones.

易雨水巷

高亮为精彩  红色为错误蓝色为建议或疑问 绿色为总结
5月5日10.12.3NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should helpchildren to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on theirown.
In current society, how toeducate children becomes the hotfocus among most of parents. Some parents care about their children somuch that the children are spoiled. Instead, if parents spare more free space for their childrenand let them develop on their own, the result can be more effective tocultivate children's personality and to advance their ability.

Children, in fact, needparents help during their growth. (换成逗号吧，与后面but练成一句话，不然but句的themselves太突兀) But the process ofgrowth also depends on themselves. In most situation (situations),parents should not take （+the）placeof them. For example, how to dress cloths is the basic ability for everyone.Parents should teach them how to put on their cloths instead of dress them updirectly even when they can finish independently. So it is important forchildren to acquire the basic living ability by letting them try every trialthings in the daily life.（开头缺主题句啊TS）

Also, the degree ofindependence of children determines their creativethought （直接用creativity 吧）whichwill provide them with more opportunities for designingtheir hobbies （??）andcareer than parents' help can offer. After all, their lives belong tothemselves, it is necessary for them to think about their ways of life over andover in accordance with their willings (willing),but not according to (换成 insteadof /as opposed to吧)their parents'arrangement. For example, Bill Gates gives up hiscollege (我感觉别扭额。。。) and decides to inaugurate his favoritething, finally, he establishes his own company and succeeds.
Andthis sense of happiness made by themselve (themselves)is the （去掉the）most precious intheir life.
Parents will be unable to attend （attend 做照顾讲时，要加to）theirchildren if they are old. Parents should live a happy life without the burdenof their children at the old age. As children grow up, they can help theirparents with some housework and learn how to gratitude (这个名词， be grateful for/express gratitude to)fortheir mother and father. In their own engagement into these things, they notonly accumulate much experience, but also improve their moral sense.

Parents are the first role forus to open a window to anew world. But children are the subject to embrace and to enjoy this colorfulworld. So I strongly believe parents need to encourage their children toexperience their life on their own.

To Lucystar：
1.缺主题句，这个很重要哦
2.缺连接词， to begin with, in addition等
3.第二段和第四段后面的论述貌似在讲一个事情了，逻辑！
4.建议找几篇范文看看，直接用模板来练习每天的CD作业
5.句子略显中式，要润色润色哦O(∩_∩)O~
一起加油！

易雨水巷

TPO综合我还没做。。今天做成24了，so 明天再给你改了，改完就贴在这里了哦

我错鸟错鸟 现在才贴  十二分抱歉  S 我的已经贴在我的帖子里了， 求狠批O(∩_∩)O

Inthe lecture, the professor isskeptical about the idea of traditional encyclopedias have more valuethan online encyclopedias. The professor argues that not everything is perfect,and online encyclopedia makes more contribution compared with its problems.

Inthe reading passage, online encyclopedia often makes some academic mistakes. Onthe contrary, the professor says printed encyclopedias have made many errorsthat can't easily correct but remain eternally, which is different from the easyaccess to correct errors equipped within online encyclopedia.

Theprofessor then opposes reading's idea that online encyclopedia gives everyoneopportunity to change the information at random by stating two approaches areused to solve the malicious change problem: one is to put crucial articles intothe part that no one can revise, the other is to arrange the professionaleditor to monitor every change and to delete malicious change.

Finally,the professor disapproves the reading's idea that the information communalencyclopedias offers (offer) is too massive toshow what's important. The professor points out the communal encyclopedias canreflect the most popular interest among the diversity of people's concernings (concerning). Thus, the communalencyclopedias stand at more （more去掉） broaderstation than traditional ones.

To lucystar2012:
1.听力听得很不错啊，羡慕O(∩_∩)O~水巷听了好几遍都很纠结
2. 小建议，水巷曾听说最好不要改写听力的句子啦，尽量还原听力细节比较好O(∩_∩)O~
赞一个

lucystar2012

5.6.NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.


As society has been evolving for long time since human culture emerged, more and more people have a variety of access to getting educated. Besides, the intelligence of modern people also gets enhanced to some degree. Thus, in my opinion, people are now easier become educated than in the past for two reasons that I will outline below.
The first reason I would like to elaborate upon is that modern people are equipped with abundant kinds of high techniques which people never possess in the past. We use computer to download any statistics we want to get from Internet, which it is so convenient for us to get various knowledge. Also, having class is not limited in some stationary place because there are so many open classes from different universities covering all kinds of academic fields such as music, philosophy, history , science and so on. This big progress really save people's time and money to have a good quality of education that can't be beyond by the past.
On top of that, the whole society advocates the priority of knowledge and many companies prefer people who have high educated degree. Under this ambience, on the one hand, getting education is a wise way to get a satisfied job. As more and more evidence illustrates that most of people live a better life than past because of their success in cultivating their mind. On the other hand, people get much more pressure than before. Entertainment such as drinking or dancing is not enough to compel their suffering. But learning more significant knowledge such as psychology and philosophy can really help them to find how to live a happy life. Therefore, nowadays, being educated not like the past being forced to learn but really from everyone's heart.
In conclusion, education undertake an important role no matter in the past or in the current. But with more and more assistance from all walks of life in society, people can acquire knowledge more easily. Also, for the more concentration on education, everyone would like to learn from their willing that is the eternal resource to put them forward.

tyyhappy

高亮为精彩红色为错误蓝色为建议或疑问
As society has been evolving for long time since human culture emerged, more and more people have a variety of access(es) to getting educated. Besides, the intelligence of modern people also gets enhanced (个人觉得用主动就可以enhances)to some degree. Thus, in my opinion, people are now easier (to)become educated than in the past for two reasons that I will outline below.
The first reason I would like to elaborate upon is that modern people are equipped with abundant kinds of high techniques which people never possess in the past. We use computer to download any statistics we want to get from Internet(这句话有些重复), which it is so convenient for us to get various knowledge. Also, having class is not limited in some stationary place because there are so many open classes from different universities covering all kinds of academic fields such as music, philosophy, history , science and so on. This big progress really save（s） people's time and money to have a good quality of education that can't be beyond by the past.
On top of that, the whole society advocates the priority of knowledge and many companies prefer people who have high educated degree. Under this ambience, on the one hand, getting education is a wise way to get a satisfied job. As more and more evidence illustrates that most of people live a better life than past because of their success in cultivating their mind. On the other hand, people get much more pressure than before. Entertainment such as drinking or dancing is not enough to compel their suffering. But learning more significant knowledge such as psychology and philosophy can really help them to find how to live a happy life. Therefore, nowadays, being educated (is) not like the past being forced to learn but really from everyone's heart.
In conclusion, education undertake(s) an important role no matter in the past or in the current. But with more and more assistance from all walks of life in society, people can acquire knowledge more easily. Also, for the more concentration on education, everyone would like to learn from their willing that is the eternal resource to put them forward（个人觉得前面半句用了个more比较级，后面这句也应该是比较级的）.

To Lucystar：
词汇灰常丰富，第一段论证很清晰。第二段论证容易跑偏，题目是容易接受教育，和人们很累或者公司喜欢有高学历的人有些不搭边，这两个理由可以看做是为什么要接受高学历，而不是很容易接受高学历。

注意些小错误，个人觉得两个论证段中例子少了些。

lucystar2012

5.7 独立作文
Have you ever gotten your friends' comfort when you failed your final examination? Have you been warned against smoking by your friend? Such is the reality that it is more important for people to have friends who can help you for the simple reason that that real friends are able to share your both sorrow and happiness than friends who just have fun with. From my standpoint, for the sake of real friendship, I will choose such friends who can help me rather than those who have fun with.

First of all, with friends' help, we can overcome most of unpredictable obstacles more easily. Especially during hard time that everyone would meet, only depending on ourselves may pay more price, but friends can give us useful advices and guide us to a next beginning. For example, my friend Lily, who is very patient with me, helps me with so many things. I still remember that last summer when I and she lived abroad together. I am not accustomed to this new life without my parents alongside at all. However, Lily encouraged me and taught me how to cook, how to clear up room and so on. Besides, when I had a fever, she gave up her courses and kept company with me. This is friend, who cares about you from heart; This is friend, who contributes herself not calculating any benefits; This is friend, who gives you courage to defeat difficulty. And I am proud of owning this friend.

On the contrary, having friends who just have fun with you really does harm to you. Having fun with friends is the only small part of friendship. If we are attached to this kind of friend, we will concentrate on new computer games or new movies, instead of fighting and striving for better life and our dreams. Much worse, we may get infectious with pernicious habits. Playing too much to finish homework, as a result, we copy from others or stay up all night. A range of harm will appear if we have friends who have fun with.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that the importance of choosing a friend who can help you can never be exaggerated. It is universally known that an adage saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", by which we can choose the trustful friends from massive people.

sang824

Have you ever gotten your friends' comfort when you failed your final examination? Have you been warned against smoking by your friend?(排比开头的话建议再写一句) Such is the reality that it is more important for people to have friends who can help you for the simple reason that that real friends are able to share your both sorrow and happiness than friends who just have fun with.(这里的more than中间隔得好长..建议把句子分开，简洁易懂哈) From my standpoint, for the sake of real friendship, I will choose such friends who can help me rather than those who have fun with.

First of all, with friends' help, we can overcome most of unpredictable obstacles more easily. Especially during hard time that everyone would meet, only depending on ourselves may pay more price,(but前面的句子没有主语呢) but friends can give us useful advices and guide us to a next beginning. For example, my friend Lily, who is very patient with me, helps me with so many things. I still remember that last summer when I and she lived abroad together. I am not accustomed tonew life without my parents alongside at all. However, Lily encouraged me and taught me how to cook, how to clear up room and so on. Besides, when I had a fever, she gave up her courses and kept company with me. This is friend, who cares about you from heart; This is friend, who contributes herself not calculating any benefits; This is friend, who gives you courage to defeat difficulty. And I am proud of owning this friend.

On the contrary, having friends who just have fun with you really does harm to you. Having fun with friends is the only small part of friendship. If we are attached to this kind of friend, we will concentrate on new computer games or new movies, instead of fighting and striving for better life and our dreams. Much worse, we may get infectious with pernicious habits. Playing too much to finish homework, as a result, we copy from others or stay up all night. A range of harm will appear if we have friends who have fun with.

From all the analysis above, we can safely conclude that the importance of choosing a friend who can help you can never be exaggerated. It is universally known that an adage saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed", by which we can choose the trustful friends from massive people.

Conclusion:star亲写的很好，语言流畅清晰，结构明显
                 个别地方长句可能稍显冗杂，换成连词连接的短句更简洁

lucystar2012

Recently, we witness more and more companies get collapsed. And many people advance their opinion about the cause of this phenomenon. Some maintain that the crisis around world is too fierce that no company can survive; Others believe that the main factor is that the efficiency of employees is too low to keep the company function. No matter what, the essence of this problem is to concentration the most important role in development of company. And from my perspective, I believe that a company should invest more to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

Have you ever known that a company broke down for the lack of high quality employees?Maybe a lot of cases appear in your mind. Yes, firstly, the quality of the employees decides the creativity and energy of company. If every staff in this company is so lazy to think that the company will not get the continuous reformation to revise its shortcomings. If the staff lacks the passion to discuss the direction of company's development, the whole ambience in the office will more and more boring, which will cause the staff feel more tired of working. Finally, as the outside society becomes more and more competitive and other more efficient company can replace this company who has never been equipped with any merit to adapt the market.

On the contrary, if a company concentrates on employees, there is a totally different picture from the above. Firstly, if the manager invest some trainings on the employees' professional knowledge ,the company can have much potentials to investigate certain advance technique , and get the first place in the market. Secondly, give proper rewarding is another necessary way. On the one hand, it can encourage staffs to work more hard, even make them more confident to overcome any difficulties in the work tasks. On the other hand, by this way, the passion of competitive will be enhanced, and everyone would like to try their best to accomplish their work as soon as possible.

All in all, The importance of employees cannot be exaggerated much more. Only the company pays attention on its employee as much as possible can the company get progress in this so quickly changeable society. Only the company invests more money and time to enhance their quality of employees can the order get organized which in fact can save more resources on some irrelative field.

lucystar2012

5月11日11.11.19 NA Some people pay a high salary but require employees to leave their family and friends. Which job would you prefer? Why?



The problem of finding job has become a hot issue among people. And how to choose job actually involves many factors. Some people want to have a job near to their home. But some people like to choose a job which can offer high salary. Of course, if the two consideration can realize at the same time, there is no meaning to discuss this topic. In fact, however, we have to choose one and give up another. So which one would you choose? From my viewpoint, I will choose the company that can give me high salary.

Firstly, young people should exercise themselves in a different world. If we limit ourselves to the hometown, we also handicap our horizon to other interesting places. the goal of finding job is to exert our capacities, instead of depending on our families. Leaving family and old friends does not mean that we are alone, but means the new opportunity to see a new world. In that world, we will encounter new people, and make new friends. In that world , we can change our old thought into critical thinking . In that world, we still have methods to keep in touch with our families, such as Internet video or mobile phone. What's most important, we can realize our dream to live a more comfortable life by getting high salary.

As time goes by, we can accumulate enough money to have a new family, and make old family move here. Actually, from the moment that we decided to leave family and to get high salary, we just start a new process to improve the whole families' living standard. Any person who struggle for their life must bring about this result that is the happiness and reunion of family. High salary is also a symbol that means we succeed in some field, which will make our family members proud of us.

Any person must learn to live independently. leaving family and friends provides a good opportunity for us to exercise our ability not only in working but also in personality. Through this , we will be forged into heart-strong and intelligent elites embracing this world with our own various experience. And other relative problems also can be solve smoothly.

张小心

Recently, we witness more and more companies get collapsed. And many people advance their opinion about the cause of this phenomenon. Some maintain that the crisis around world is too fierce that no company can survive; Others believe that the main factor is that the efficiency of employees is too low to keep the company function（keep sth. adj/doing; 运转：running or operating; 如果是想用company名词做形容词修饰function的话，keep function有点怪怪滴。）. No matter what (存疑哈，用法不常见：一般what happens/he says, etc.;另，含义不对：No matter what 是不管什么，无论什么的意思，我在想这里是否可用no matter which one is right替换？FYI：http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/no+matter+what), the essence of this problem is to concentratesion on the most important role in the development of companies. And from my perspective, I believe that a company should invest more to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees. （使用More的时候得有对比的另一事物哦，这里会理解成more than now, but it is not the topic.）

Dear little star, to be strict, I think your first paragraph a little digresses from the topic which is talking about the investment on employees not as you described above: why companies  go broke.

Have you ever known that a company broke down for the lack of high quality employees?（用疑问句开头，很好哦）Maybe a lot of cases appear in your mind. Yes, firstly, the quality of the employees decides the creativity and energy of company. If every staff in this company is so lazy to think that the company will not get the continuous reformation to revise its shortcomings. If the staff lacks the passion to discuss the direction of company's development, the whole ambience in the office will more and more boring (depressing), which will (consequently,)causes the staff feel more tired of working. Finally, as the outside societybusiness world becomes more and more competitive and other more efficient company can replace this company who which has never been equipped with any merit (here, we should focus on the employees)to adapt the market.

Dear, you are using tooooo much "more and more"……Also, the key word "investment" and proper examples are not mentioned in the above paragraph.

On the contrary, if a company concentrates on employees, there is a totally different picture from the above. Firstly, if the manager invest some trainings on the employees' professional knowledge ,the company can have much potentials to investigate certain advance technique , and get the first place in the market. Secondly, to give proper rewarding is another necessary way. （digress again）On the one hand, it can encourage staffs to work more harder, even making them more confident to overcome any difficultiesy in the work tasks. On the other hand, by this way, the passion of competitiveon will be enhanced, and everyone would like to try theirhis/hers best to accomplish theirhis/hers work as soon as possible.

The abrove paragraph has a clear structure. Very good!

All in all, Tthe importance of employees cannot be exaggerated much more. Only the company pays attention on its employee as much as possible can the companyget progress in this so quickly changeableing society. Only the company invests more money and time (no need to mention time)to enhance their quality of employees can the order get organized（confused……） which in fact can save more resources on some irrelative fields.

最后一段这是排比句式啊。还是倒装结构。good!
但是Only 开头的倒装这个语法点，侬再看一下呢，貌似不对。


In sum, there are 3 suggestions for  you:
1. 一定多花时间审题呀, 不要跑偏
2. 跟我一样，词汇量少，试着不总用more哈
3. 通篇没有例证，只有论述，这不符合题目要求的