【写作小分队】自我改造 作文贴

自我改造

迈向优秀的过程是一个自我改造的过程

自我改造

110430 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? We should get to know events happening around the globe even though they do not affect our daily lives.

Our own things are only teeny tiny ones compared to these things happened around the world, but those things usually drive us tired or even exhausted. So if I say that we should know more about other things that those are nothing to do with yourselves, you might not be agree with me. However, if you had ever felt sad when you cannot followed people's talks, if you ever thought you don't know the world very much or if you had ever been at your wits end when some emergency thing happened on you, you must take account of the saying that we should give our attentions to those things that happened on other people in other places. I will develop this in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, that will make you more charming to be known about more things around the world. You can image that there is one guy who is funny, modest and omniscient. He tells you how the universe was created; he tells you how the ancient Egyptian built up the pyramids; he tells you the lately proposal Obama put forward; he tells you how the lives of the people in North Korea. He almost knows everything. Then what are you think about? It's absolutely attractive. If we were this kind people, we can have topics to talk with almost all kinds of people. We can discuss the most popular film in recent days with filminess; we can have a debate on a bill with its proponents; we can judge clothes with trendsetters. By those ways, we can make more friends who have different hobbies and different thoughts. We will be popular persons. So we should know more things even if they didn't happen in our lives.

Secondly, being known about those things that never had happened on us will make our lives substantiate and rich color. The overwhelming majority people have average lives. We have average works, average friends, average family and average experience. Usually many of us think these kinds of average lives are bored. We need more distinctive things to know and talk about. Putting focus on the things that happened on other people in other place will be a good way. Take my friend, Lily, for an example. My friend Lily is definitely one of those people who have average lives. She always felt disappointed and bored. In order to cheer her up, as her best friend I usually talked about some affairs about some movie stars or sing stars. After that she became more and more animate. Now we always talk about affairs not only happened on the stars but also on the historical figures. At beginning it's for fun, but now we learn many things on those people. We even usually discuss how will we do if we were these people. By this way, both of us have more experienced and funny lives.

In one word, we should put our attention on those things that have nothing to do with our daily lives. In that way, we can be more charming and have more colorful lives.

jasonma2046

110430 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? We should get to know events happening around the globe even though they do not affect our daily lives.

Our own things are only teeny tiny ones compared to（with） these things happened around the world, but those things usually drive us tired or even exhausted. So if I say that we should know more about other things that those are nothing to do with yourselve(than those have nothing to to with yourselves), you might not be agree with me. However, if you had ever felt sad when you cannot followed people's talks, if you ever thought you don't know the world very much or if you had ever been at your wits end?（不知道什么意思） when some emergency thing happened on you, you must take into account the saying that we should give our attentions to those things that happened on other people in other places. I will develop this in the following paragraphs. （开头比较含混，观点不够明确，觉得应该把Have you ever felt sad when you cannot follow people’s talk? have you ever thought you don’t know the world very much? ...变成问题放到文章开头，引起读者的兴趣）

To begin with, that（it） will make you more charming to be known about more things around the world. You can image that there is one guy who is funny, modest and omniscient. He tells you how the universe was created; he tells you how the ancient Egyptian built up the pyramids; he tells you the lately proposal Obama put forward; he tells you How (what) the lives of the people like in North Korea(how people live in North Korea). He almost knows everything. Then what are you think about?It’s (He is) absolutely attractive. If we were(are) this kind of people, we can have topics to talk with almost all kinds of people. We can discuss the most popular film in recent days with filminess(薄膜状态
?)movie fans?; we can have a debate on a bill with its proponents; we can judge clothes with trendsetters. By those ways, we can make more friends who have different hobbies and different thoughts. We will be popular persons. So we should know more things even if they do not happen in our lives.

Secondly, being known about those things that never had happened on us will make our lives substantiate (vt. 证实，实体化)and rich color(colorful). The overwhelming majority people have average(ordinary) lives. We have average works, average friends, average family and average experience. (这里比较啰嗦) Usually many of us think these kinds of average lives are bored. We need more distinctive things to know and talk about. Putting focusing on the things that happened on other people in other place will be a good way. Take my friend, Lily, for an example. My friend Lily is definitely one of those people who have average lives. She always felt disappointed and bored. In order to cheer her up, as her best friend I usually talked about some affairs about some movie stars or singing stars. After that she became more and more animate. Now we always talk about affairs not only happened on the stars but also on the historical figures. At IN the beginning it's for fun, but now we learn many things on those people. We even usually discuss how will we do if we were these people. By this way, both of us have more experienced and funny lives.

In one word, we should put our attention on those things that have nothing to do with our daily lives. In that way, we can be more charming and have more colorful lives.
1.注意时态

2.避免重复性的表达，有些啰嗦,可以参考老美185.
3.词汇量很大，但是要注意介词的搭配和用法。
继续努力，你一定会成功的！