【写作小分队】轰炸写作~526~!!!

婷婷connie

求绿光拿砖拍我吧，迟迟才贴~
TPO9综合
The issue around fuel-cell engines and internal-combustion engines has been discussed. While the author asserts that fuel-cell engines take advantage of(over是不是好一些？) the internal-combustion engines, the professor points out that the author is way too positive towards the issue.

In the first place, the passage asserts（claims） that the internal-combustion engine relies on petroleum, which is limited resource and that hydrogen can be obtained from a variety of abundant sources.Therefore, fuel-cell engines can utilize resources more efficiently. It ignores the reality, however, that hydrogen is not as easily to acquire as the author claims. In fact, hydrogen resources are not such available. For example, the water cannot be directly used and acquiring the pure liquid (state这是我在别人文章看见的，单质液体状态), which is needed to generate the hydrogen, is so artificial that it is difficult to produce and store the hydrogen. On the other hand, the temperature needed to produce hydrogen is very cold, around 253 centi-degree（centigrade degree） below zero. Therefore, it is neither practical nor easy to obtain such hydrogen sources.
这一段阅读部分的内容说得太多了
Subsequently, the author claims that hydrogen-based full cells can solve many pollution problems for the only byproduct of burning them is water. Thoroughly opposed to the assertion, the professor emphasizes that it is not burning hydrogen but the process which generate usable hydrogen that exerts pollutions very heavily. Because hydrogen is stored in the extremely cold environment, it needs lots of energy, which is acquired by burning large amounts of oil and coal, to be utilized and thereby it pollutes the environment. Thus, hydrogen-based full cells cannot solve the pollution problem but generate(engender替换) pollutions.

At last, according to the passage, it is put forward that because of the high efficiency in full-cell automobile, it is more economically competitive compared with the internal-combustion powered vehicles. In the case, however, the professor disapproves again. The full-cell engines are made of rare expensive metals and the hydrogen is utilized by electricity, leading the fact that full-cell engines are not cheaper so far than the internal-combustion engines.

To sum up, the professor criticizes that conclusion claimed by the author to a great extent.

Conclusion:这样的文章不需要把阅读中的细节展开，并且不用结尾。

很流畅，字数也很多,几乎就没有错误，羡慕啊

不过要注意词汇的替换哦

miss绿光

每次互改都很羡慕绿光能在那么短时间爆发出那么多字那么多复杂句。

-- by 会员 daisyの小夢想 (2012/4/15 23:04:00)

羡慕死Daisy的流畅性了！那咱俩就乖乖互补！

miss绿光

求绿光拿砖拍我吧，迟迟才贴~
TPO9综合
The issue around fuel-cell engines and internal-combustion engines has been discussed. While the author asserts that fuel-cell engines take advantage of(over是不是好一些？) the internal-combustion engines, the professor points out that the author is way too positive towards the issue.

In the first place, the passage asserts（claims） that the internal-combustion engine relies on petroleum, which is limited resource and that hydrogen can be obtained from a variety of abundant sources.Therefore, fuel-cell engines can utilize resources more efficiently. It ignores the reality, however, that hydrogen is not as easily to acquire as the author claims. In fact, hydrogen resources are not such available. For example, the water cannot be directly used and acquiring the pure liquid (state这是我在别人文章看见的，单质液体状态), which is needed to generate the hydrogen, is so artificial that it is difficult to produce and store the hydrogen. On the other hand, the temperature needed to produce hydrogen is very cold, around 253 centi-degree（centigrade degree） below zero. Therefore, it is neither practical nor easy to obtain such hydrogen sources.
这一段阅读部分的内容说得太多了
Subsequently, the author claims that hydrogen-based full cells can solve many pollution problems for the only byproduct of burning them is water. Thoroughly opposed to the assertion, the professor emphasizes that it is not burning hydrogen but the process which generate usable hydrogen that exerts pollutions very heavily. Because hydrogen is stored in the extremely cold environment, it needs lots of energy, which is acquired by burning large amounts of oil and coal, to be utilized and thereby it pollutes the environment. Thus, hydrogen-based full cells cannot solve the pollution problem but generate(engender替换) pollutions.

At last, according to the passage, it is put forward that because of the high efficiency in full-cell automobile, it is more economically competitive compared with the internal-combustion powered vehicles. In the case, however, the professor disapproves again. The full-cell engines are made of rare expensive metals and the hydrogen is utilized by electricity, leading the fact that full-cell engines are not cheaper so far than the internal-combustion engines.

To sum up, the professor criticizes that conclusion claimed by the author to a great extent.

Conclusion:这样的文章不需要把阅读中的细节展开，并且不用结尾。

很流畅，字数也很多,几乎就没有错误，羡慕啊

不过要注意词汇的替换哦

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/4/15 23:05:39)

才不拍，感动的很！从婷婷那里学到不少同义替换呢^^以后会注意运用的~

miss绿光

Agree or disagree? There is never a reason to be rude/impolite to another person.
532字 – 按时写完 实在是不好意思让你帮我挑低级的拼写错误，我就在粘贴到word里面的时候自己标出来啦~
Human is the most advanced and sophisticated kind of animal that human have plenty of unique characteristics different from the other animals, such as mental activities and behavior manners. Based on some conservative notions, a person should be polite to another person no matter under what circumstances because politeness serves as the most significant component in the moral virtues. From my perspective,however, I completely disapprove such unfair judgment; people can be rude to others in certain situations.

First of all, even the most tender tenderest person cannot be always polite due to the complex humanity. People's feelings and reactions are determined by the environment they stayed. It is totally reasonable that by receiving the negative or provocative stimulus continuously,the person who behaves nicely in the normal days can be rage and lose control.For example, the Premier Wen in China, who is famous for his tenderness and for his politeness all the time, even shouted at the soliders soldiers who are not doing their utmost during the rescue of WinChuan Earthquake. He used to be gentle; however, in that case,when thousands of lives are in tremendous danger and when there are soldiers not making efforts to save people's life, he became angry and yelled to those soldiers, mandating them to spare no pains. Therefore, no one, even the most polite person, cannot remain the way he or she usually is under certain situations.

In addition, if a person, who always enrage enrages others, never receives such rudeness, the person won't recognize the fault he or she make definitely and thereby will hurt more people. That's exactly why some children are spoiled. My 6-years old cousin,for instance, used to grab anything she wanted from our hands, no matter the objects she grabbed are useful to her or not. She just wanted to deprive what you had and owned herself. Such naughty was she, though, her parents remained kind to her and never shouted at or blamed on her. With time passing, she became a girl whom everyone wants to keep away from. Facing such unpromising growth of a child, I would love to stress on the claim again that there has some reason to be impolite to another person, at least for the children's sake to grow up better.

Admittedly, based on all the facts mentioned above that are already convincing, some may assert that being impolite doesn't match moral virtues especially that have been already inherited generation to generation. Such assertion, however, ignores the significant aspect that the virtues should never be realized by hurting people’s heart without compensation to them. Moreover, it also violates the philosopical philosophical theory that nothing can be defined to a extreme because every idea has the exception where the idea cannot be applied. To be polite in any circumstance is too extreme to hold and politeness should be limited to certain situations.

To sum up, virtues are indeed important, however, their realization should not cost on others' mysery misery. Furthermore,always being polite can spoil the people whom you contact to and it is impossible for any person to be gentle forever. Therefore, I insist on my idea that there has reason to be rude to others under certain circumstances.

jiaosisisisi

我会第一时间帮你改的，我也大致中午之前可以给你submit 我的作文！～～～

Crystaljoy

绿光棒棒！
在30分钟写出这么500+洋洋洒洒的一篇流畅文，还基本没什么错误！！！

钦佩！！！

jiaosisisisi

Agree or disagree? There is never a reason to be rude/impolite to another person.
532字 – 按时写完实在是不好意思让你帮我挑低级的拼写错误，我就在粘贴到word里面的时候自己标出来啦~


Human is the most advanced and sophisticated kind of animal that has plenty of unique characteristics different from the (the 去掉其实更好些吧，没必要特指吧)other animals, such as mental activities and behavior manners. Based on some conservative notions, a person should be polite to another person no matter under what circumstances because politeness serves as the most significant component in the moral virtues. From my perspective,however, I completely disapprove （一般disapprove/approve后面加上of比较多吧）such unfair judgment; people can be rude to others in certain situations.

First of all, even the most tendertenderestperson cannot be always polite due to the complex humanity. People's feelings and reactions are determined by the environment they stayed（通篇现在时态，改成stay好一些吧，因为你在描述一些普适性的道理）. It is totally reasonable that by receiving the（其实我也不是非常清楚什么时候the的使用场所，但是凭语感，这里的the 可以去掉，不过只是建议，你还是自己多斟酌下吧，） negative or provocative stimulus continuously, the person who behaves nicely in the normal days can be rage （furious比较好吧，这里需要一个形容词）and lose control.For example, the Premier Wen in China, who is famous for his tenderness and for his politeness all the time, even shouted at the soliderssoldiers who are not doing their utmost during the rescue of WinChuan Earthquake. He used to be gentle; however, in that case,when thousands of lives are in tremendous danger and when there are soldiers not making efforts to save people's life, he became angry and yelled to those soldiers, mandating them to spare no pains. Therefore, no one, even the most polite person, cannot remain the way he or she usually is under certain situations.

In addition, if a person, who alwaysenrageenrages others, never receives such rudeness, the person won't recognize the fault he or she make（单三，全文比较流畅，我只能鸡蛋里面挑骨头了啊。。。。。）definitely and thereby will hurt more people. That's exactly why some children are spoiled. My 6-years old cousin,for instance, used to grab anything she wanted from our hands, no matter the objects she grabbed are useful to her or not. She just wanted to deprive what you had and owned herself. Such naughty was she, though, her parents remained kind to her and never shouted at or blamed on her. With time passing, she became a girl whom everyone wants to keep away from. Facing such unpromising growth of a child, I would love to stress on the claim again that there has some reason to be impolite to another person, at least for the children's sake to grow up better.

Admittedly, based on all the facts mentioned above that are already convincing（不知道你这是不是模板，反正我用过这句原话。这句话的出镜率太高了，你可以变动地unique一些会更好点。。。。。。。）,some may assert that being impolite doesn't match moral virtues especially that have been already inherited generation to generation. Such assertion, however, ignores the significant aspect that the virtues should never be realized by hurting people’s heart without compensation to them. Moreover, it also violates the philosopicalphilosophicaltheory that nothing can be defined to a extreme because every idea has the exception where the idea cannot be appliedto（适应性的时候，貌似apply to 比较多）. To be polite in any circumstance is too extreme to hold and politeness should be limited to certain situations.

To sum up, virtues are indeed important, however, their realization should not cost on others' myserymisery. Furthermore,always being polite can spoil the people whom you contact to and it is impossible for any person to be gentle forever. Therefore, I insist on my idea that there has reason to be rude to others under certain circumstances.



全文很流畅，流畅，畅。。。。。。

改得不合适的地方，请你偷偷又改回来吧～～～

受教了～～～祝顺利crack TOEFL

miss绿光

再看大家改的有感：
Daisy改的真的每一个都切中要害！我句子虽然长，但是很晦涩，因为我总是一句话说不清楚所以就嵌套从句…将超长的that改为用since链接，逻辑和感觉上都更好了呢！羡慕Daisy能听出orca这种词汇啊！我发现自己对综合的听力部分还是记得不好。就如同口语的task6一样，啊啊啊啊！还有，migrate to other places我写错了，应该只是disappear，我自己主观推理了！
婷婷改的也很认真，好多细小的错误都在绿光这里出现了><，还帮我想到了替换词！感动！
Music也发现了我一大毛病：the和that滥用，一写起来就分不清啥时候加啥时候不加啊！特指非特指，mark住!还有让步段，那不是模板哇~我居然写出模板了？OH NO!谢谢你啊，我还觉得哪句不错呢，原来那么高频啊，果断不能用啦！
===============
鸟儿谬赞，我就是字数多，其实流畅性和逻辑性很不好。。。。

miss绿光

   

20110115NA机经（我写的是机经内容~，麻烦啦^^）从写字板粘贴到word的时候把拼写错误的标出来啦~

Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others think that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. What's your opionion and why？

Education remains the role of contention permanently in that education serves as the most important role in the future development of children,who have the potential power to drive the growth of the world. In terms of the education in university, it is without doubt that professors contribute to it to a great extent while it is undecided whether the professor should concentrate on doing research or education students. From my point of view, I am on the side of the former statement utterly.

First of all, the research with which professors handle can provide the lastest information for students and thereby improve their academic ability. It is acceptable that the technology updates so rapidly that knowledge students obtain in universities always lag a lot. Professor Zhang, who is a famous professor not only in my university but also around the country in the biology science, once published an essay about the DNA on The Science. After that, the students in the biology college raised a lecture and invited professor Zhang to introduce the lastest theory about DNA to them. From the lecture, those students benefit a lot by learning more information about DNA which makes them more knowledgeable and thereby more competitive. Therefore, professors in universities should be inclined to do researches rather than educate students.

Another equivalently essential point is that professors' research may boost the reputation of universities, which benefits both students and universities themselves. Tshinghua University, a university famous for its academic status in China, possesses abundant outstanding researches held by professors in Tshinghua University. Through those eminent achievements,Tshinghua University gets an extremely high reputation among all universities in China. Furthermore, when my colleagues and I consulted staff from different universities about the all kinds information to decide which university I would like to enter, we all regard the academic achievements as the dominant factor. As soon as we got the idea that the specific university has many professors who are adept to conduct researches, we were impressed by that university. Therefore, for the sake of the universities’ reputation, professors are supposed to focus on doing researches.


Admittedly, some opponents may claim that more attention to the research will definitely decrease the quality of teaching which is connected directly to the students. This claim,however, ignores the fact that teachers are those people who have most connection with students normally. What's more, the researches can also benefit the teachers and trigger them to be more knowledgeable, contributing to improvements of students. Therefore, the most ideal way is that professors do researches and spread those to teachers; and subsequently, the ideas will be delivered to students.

Based on all the evidence mentioned above, which is convincing and can integrate to become more persuasive, I insist that only when professors focus time on doing research can universities raise their reputation and students become more competitive.

探险者

作文修改可能发的稍晚一些，不好意思啊