【写作小分队】moon的作文贴~

xf76

谢谢大家批改!

xf76

Nowadays, increasing corporations are awareness of the significance of investment to the staffs. Some people believe spending money on salary would win the prise, for the simple reason that money on there hands is obtained by striving. However, from my perspective money should be invested in enhancing the work skills of its employees.

The chief reason is because money cannot be repeat consumed and it only provide us one opportunity to use. Likewise, it was conserved a short time. However, spending these money send for teachers to instrustrate empioyees. Not only has it enhanced their capabilities, but also can render immeasurable economoc benefits for companies. Just as studying and working, the former lay a solid foundation for future job hunting. Without investing in gaining knowledge and various skills, society atmosphere will be exaggerated and country may be depresstion.

The next point to take into account is the distinguish of people’s feeling. Less money or things are to be welfare and even complained by staffs. Moreover, The desiring of money can’t be sufficed forever. However, when corporations provide instruction for their employees, a feeling of being cultivating themselves is produced. This is newly sense of satisfaction as well as benefit for improving people’s sense of agreement and loyality. Limited money unable to winover it.

In contrasy, money is completely provided as exclusively welfare. The employees may take a attitude of indispensable, because they has maintained working for a long time. Never again will staffs make great efforts and take the advantage of time for company’s developing. The passion of people has almost been dying up and the corporation also will be bankrupt.

Therefore, investing in cultivating staffs play a pivot role in the developing of a company and even a society. Not only do this make the employees have a comfortable salary but the country will be more prosperity.

xf76

http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-697477-1-1.html#last

婷婷connie

4.1的独立改作，到时候就贴在这了~
Nowadays, increasing(an increasing number of)corporations are awareness(aware) of the significance of investment to the staffs. Some people believe spending money on salary would win the prise(prize), for the simple reason that money on there(their) hands is obtained by striving. However, from my perspective(,)money should be invested in enhancing the work skills of its employees.

The chief reason is because money cannot be repeat consumed and it only provide us (with)one opportunity to use. Likewise, it was(can be)conserved a short time. However, spending these money send(spent) for teachers to instrustrate(我猜应该是instruct,指导？) empioyees（employees）. Not only has it enhanced their capabilities, but also can render immeasurable economoc(economic) benefits for companies. Just as studying and working, the former lay a solid foundation for future job hunting. Without investing in gaining knowledge and various skills, society atmosphere will be exaggerated（夸张的用在这里不适合，改成inactive） and country may be (on) depresstion(depression).

第一个TS不明确，建议改成：The chief reason is because money spent on employees' instruction does good to society atmosphere and country.

The next point to take into account is the distinguish(distinction)of people’s feeling. Less money or things are to be welfare and even complained by staffs.(这句话我没有看懂诶) Moreover, The desiring of money can’t be sufficed forever. However, when corporations provide instruction for their employees, a feeling of being cultivating themselves(being cultivated)is produced. This is (a)newly sense of satisfaction as well as benefit for improving people’s sense of agreement and loyality(loyalty). Limited money (is)unable to winover it.

In contrasy(contrast), money is completely provided as exclusively welfare. The employees may take a attitude of indispensable(indispensability), because they has maintained working for a long time. Never again will staffs make great efforts and take the advantage of time for company’s developing(development). The passion of people has almost been dying up and the corporation also will be bankrupt.

这一段有点短，TS有虚拟语态更好，可以展示更多语言技巧

Therefore, investing in cultivating staffs play a pivot role in the developing of a company and even a society. Not only do this makes the employees have a comfortable salary,but the country will be more prosperity(prosperous).

Conlusion:1.词汇很丰富

        2.出现一些拼写错误和词性的误用(用绿色标出)，写作时一定要注意克服~

        3.建议写作前列一个提纲，紧扣主题



能力不够，只能先改这些了哈，加油！

——婷婷

xf76

谢谢婷婷，帮我找出这么多错误和修改了好多，我都没想到会有这么多的拼写错误，好好改正，嘿嘿~

xf76

In the fierce competition world, a increasing number of employees have miscellanious perspective towards their supervisers. Some people reckon that the management treats staffs as a relative and while others detest them. Whereby, we can consider that by no means does two friends distinguish as day and night, but the little similarity must be highlighten.



As a famous saying that “Birds of a feather flock toghter”. People of different properities can not almost be harmony with each other. Someone who don't follow this may generate heavy unpleasant and they even probably become hostile forever. However, friends are a mirror of ourselves and his intimates will demonstrate characters of the person. Since that people maintain the long time contact with each other scarcely produce unchangeableness. Just as the couple, they run their lives year after year, and decades of months, the couple must have many aspects in common.



It is a cipher that two persons , who have the proportion of immeasurable distinctions, will become mates. For no countries elect two presidents to manage affairs. If this, people can imagine the depression and the unpeace of future. Generally speaking, people will have alike value views, life opinions and world perspective among friends. They can take a similar attitude towards one thing. Take the evaluation of Liuxiang, a 100 meters runner, who had abandoned the competition for several years ago an excellent example, after the declare that he give up the contest, a discussion happened in China. Some people takes a positive view and they count Liuxiang forsake this to have a better condition for next match.115



In contrast, if two people have no common places including all angles, they may a fair-weather friend or others. In a word, people can not be ingenuous and sometimes one side will tease others while some evil things happen. As the fact has been certified by so-called couple face For a long contact, people may look alike some place. This example may be better than all others.



Therefore, intimates have similar behaviors, qualities and valus etc. They may play games, watching films and do others things all together. They can contact each other many time to have a further knowledge. If people do not have a good impression at the first sight, they may not more than the elementary steps.



这篇文章写得有点跑题，写完才发现，对付看吧，嘿嘿~

Herisson0509

In the fierce competition world, a increasing number of employees have miscellanious perspective towards their supervisers. Some people reckon that the management treats staffs as a relative and while others detest them. Whereby, we can consider that by no means does two friends distinguish as day and night, but the little similarity must be highlighten. 这一段词汇什么的用的都很好就是有点偏主旨了

As a famous saying that “Birds of a feather flock toghter”. People of different properities can not almost be harmony with each other. Someone who don't follow this may generate heavyunpleasant（这里是形容词直接换成矛盾contradiction）and they even probably become hostile forever. However, friends are a mirror of ourselves （ourself是介词不能和of 连用换成us 就行了）and his intimates will demonstrate characters of the person. Since that people maintain the long time contact with each other scarcely produce unchangeableness. Just as the couple, they run their lives year after year, and decades of months,（感觉这里多余了） the couple must have many aspects in common.

It is a cipher（这里表达的怪怪的没怎么懂你的意思） that two persons ,(，去掉) who have the proportion of immeasurable distinctions, （,也去掉）will become mates. For no countries elect two presidents to manage affairs. If this, people can imagine the depression and theunpeace（unpeachful）of future. Generally speaking, people will have alike value views, life opinions and world perspective among（用在这里不合适换with）friends. They can take a similar attitude towards one thing. Take the evaluation of Liuxiang, a 100 meters runner, who had abandoned the competition for several years ago an excellent example, （以后不要在这样用了太长了隔太远会产生歧义的我自己不太专业就问了下鸟她也这样说你可以这样写Take Liuxiang for example. He is a 100 meters runner who had abandoned the competition for several years. 不需要把要举的事例放在前面那里因为整个后面你都是在举例所以不用着急）after the declare that he give up the contest, a discussion happened in China. Some people takes a positive view and they count Liuxiang forsake this to have a better condition for next match. 这个例子和论点不搭没有说服力

In contrast, if two people have no common places including all angles, they may a fair-weather friend or others. In a word, people who can not be ingenuous and sometimes one side will tease others while some evil things happen. As the fact has been certified by so-called couple face For a long contact, people may look alike some place. 这个例子还需加工一下表达不是很明朗This example may be better than all others.

Therefore, intimates have similar behaviors, qualities and valusvalues etc. They may play games, watching和前面的动词一致吧wacth films and do others things all together. They can contact each other many time to have a further knowledge. If people do not have a good impression at the first sight, they may not more than the elementary steps. 这句严重偏题了哦结尾段你应该和主旨、首段呼应一下强掉你的看法.