果冻的作文贴-欢迎猛拍~~~

sarahpx

黄色精彩处红色错误蓝色建议绿色总结

8.5 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative
effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Recently a public problem has been brought into our eyes that whether public media,such as movies and television, brings more negative effects for the young. Different people will give different responses to this question from their own characters, emotional concerns and even educational backgrounds.（这些内容如果与下文相关会更好吧）However, when it comes to me, I believe that movies and television have more positive effects than negative effects on the way the young behave. There are numerous reasons why I hold confidence on this opinion and I would explore only a few primary ones here.
（这种开头不是不好，只是说大家用多了可能考官会觉得没新意。但实在没辙了这也是一种方法。我个人的感觉是可以先交代对象背景，如这里可以先写young people 的特征，或者干脆先写下觉得negative人的做法，如父母等，再自然的带出你的反对观点。……额，我说的乱七八糟，不知道亲看懂了没——关于开头灰常欢迎来讨论下哦）

Firstly, enjoying television and movies is an effective way to relax for young people. In this day and age, the young suffer all kinds of pressure from work, family and society. Usually their pressure needs an outlet, otherwise Suffering from pressure will cause metal disease . According to a resent survey of National Health Centre 2012, there are 15.6% of people aging 20 to 40 suffering from mental illness caused by pressure. （这个数据要是更紧扣young people 会更好）Imagine after a day of work, you can sit in front of the TV and have a little chat with your family. At the same time, some of the TV programs will make you laugh. These will definitely release the pressure and refresh yourself.

Secondly, enjoying television and movies（这对象文章出现多次的话最好同义替换下） can expend one's outlook. Considering such programs as Discovery and National Geology, this kind of programs shows the beautiful scenery in different parts of the world which we hardly have the chance to come in our life span. Have you ever gone to the North Pole? Have your ever gone to the Rockies? Or have your ever gone to the jungle in Africa?（这里排比挺好） Fortunately, thanks to these programs we know more about other parts of our planet even if we never been there.

Thirdly, the most important reason I want to mention is that one's character can be perfected（用这词有点绝对了吧）through what one learns in the TV and movies. Most movies show the bright side of the humanity and the virtues of the heroes（可以变成插入语或定语从句） can effect（这词有点抽象，直接说是好的影响吧） the way young men behave. It is arguable that one has the nature to imitate, so the mainstream values in movies- bravery, honesty and reliability etc.- is likely to effect the young. Moreover, some of the movies are really inspiring. The Pursuit of Happiness is a well-known American inspiring movie which has effected millions of young men in the world. In the movie the hero（protagonist） was in great trouble-his wives left, suffering from breakout himself- but he did never give up. Subsequently, he became a stock manager by his effort. When I was in adversity and sometimes even wanted to give up, I could always get strength from the hero in this movie. So from movies one can learn virtues which are of great benefit for one's future life.

Admittedly, some behaviors in films and movies have a negative influence on the young. Sometimes there are too much violence which some young man are likely to imitate and cause murders and gun-shots.（这个句子让人感觉好像模仿了violence就去杀人放火？毕竟这种人还是少数） So the authorities are supposed to control the contents of violence. With proper control, the young can learn less violence from films or television. All in all, if all the factors are contemplated, the disadvantages of television and films look pale, we can safely reach a conclusion that movies and television are more beneficial to the young.



总结：

将近600字了啊，先赞一个~~亲如果可以临场也写出这么多很有机会拿good.



果冻行文很流畅，逻辑连贯，错误很少，非常值得偶学习！!

就有几个小问题注意下就行：1. Firstly Secondly 这种的用的太烂了，可以的话换换会更出彩。2. 句式变换不多，如果加入虚拟，强调，双重否定等会增色的。3. 有些词汇会感觉泛了点，可以考虑同意替换。

（如果亲觉得开头结尾不好构思，建议可以看看慎小嶷的《十天搞定托福essay》，上面有几种还确实不错）

sarahpx

BTW, 不好意思我今天只写了综合，如果你方便也去帮我改改？ http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-743821-1-1.html

guodonghu

8.5独立开头我又仔细的想了想：
Version 1
As a girl, have you ever imagined you were Rose in Titanic who owed a legendary love? As(当) you were in adversity,have you been inspired by the scene of Shawshank's successful escape. As your beloved needed your help, have you imagined you were the 'Spiderman' who could give his beloved a hand at an emergency ? Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

Version 2
As a young man, have you ever imagined you were the one like Spiderman or Superman who could save the world someday? As a young lady, have you ever imagined you were the one like Rose whose love sotry moved millions of young men worldwide.Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

guodonghu

8.8独立
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

"Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, teacher is the most important." is the remark of Bill Gates. Nowadyas, in China, some professors seem quite 'busy', in searching for fundings, in doing their projects, and in preparing their reports. They pay little attention on education. If this phenomenon continues, how can students receive good education in college, how can they learn good virtues like dedication from their role model- professor, and how can they become competitive over their peers in the job market in the future?

At first, I would explore some obvious reasons why so many professors focus on doing reserch. Because everyone, including professors, has rights to strive for his own well-being, it sounds quite reasonable that so many professors  hunt for happiness by doing research, even worse, sometimes by ignoring(belittle？) their teaching task. Research benefits professors a lot. They can improve academic skills, gain recognition from others, and make money. In short,all of these---academic skills, recognition,and money---enhance their social status. However,undoubtedly,To impart knowledge IS professors' responsibility and To foster the youth who are the hope of our country IS the professors' obligation.  Although research is of importance for professors,teaching should not be ignored.

Teaching offers professors a opportunity to improve themselves. Although preparing some subjects needs time and energy, and sometimes may take up professors' time spending on research, during preparing such courses- analytical writing, mechanical engineering, basic chemistry etc.- basic knowledge which is the foundation of innovations may be reviewed, new ideas which could be used to solve urgent problems may come up into mind , and skills such as analytical thinking and observation which are great helpful for both in reports and academic skills may as well be sharpened. Moreover, a famous Chinese philosopher -Confucius-said: in reviewing, we learnt new. In other words, through teaching, professors could review knowledge, get inspirations and sharpen skills,  meanwhile students could learn new things. It is a win-win situation.

In addition,when professors are occupied with projects, students could do a favor for them. Beacuse some tasks in a project do not need high academic background, Most students are able to finish most of the tasks in a project. For saving time and energy, it is wiser for professors to get assistance from their students, which leave students a chance to know how to link virtual knowledge between practical application. For example, my brother,who majored in Computer Science in Beijing University, Mike, is working in IBM as a product manager. When he was in college, his mentor, who was very famous and had many research projets at the same time, gave him and his classmates many opportunities to get involved in projects. They learnt a lot from those projects,such as how to look for resources, how to write a report and so on. Owing to his valuable research experiences and his academic background, after he graduated, he fortunately got an offer from IBM. This case is not rare, many students learn a lot in helping their professors.

From what has been discussed above, we may aware that in reality education and research do not contradict each other, but obviously education is prior to research.

发现自己词汇使用不够丰富，高级点的词汇掌握的太少了。

guoyang88

修改占座。这两天开始上新东方了。时间有点紧。LZ别着急~

guodonghu

修改占座。这两天开始上新东方了。时间有点紧。LZ别着急~

-- by 会员 guoyang88 (2012/8/9 21:40:42)

ok never mind

klllun

诶诶 串错门啦。以为要修改果冻的作文类。。。脑袋瓜不管啦

guodonghu

Cars have greater impact on society than airplanes have
计时40 mins
Modern transportation, such as automobiles and aeroplanes, plays an inevitably essential role in people's daily life. This is where controversy arises. Some people holding the opinion that airplanes have deeper influence socially than vehicles have merely points out that traveling by air is much faster than driving cars. However, growing numbers of people believe that cars influence society more than airplanes do. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter. There are numerous reasons why I hold confidence on this view, I would explore only a few primary ones here.
To begin with, cars, to some extend, are the symbols of one's wealth, social status as well as success. It is acknowledged that a boss of a influential enterprise often drives famous business cars such as AUDI A8 and so on, a famous sports star tends to drive a notably luxury sports car, but I am an ordinary person, so I have to ride a bicycle . In other words,normally no one can deny that  the more successful a man is, the better car he will drive. In a larger sense, car is a motivator for one to strive for success in his career.
Moreover, another equally important reason I want to mention is that cars shorten the distance between site A and site B and thus boost the efficiency of the society as a whole. Imagine a person who lives in suburb and works in the center of the city like Beijing. Driving a car only takes him only half a hour to cover the distance between his home and office, otherwise taking public transportation maybe takes 1 hour. or more Obviously, cars save us considerable time in out daily life. If  there were no cars, haw can we live such a convenient life?
Last but not least, automobile revolution benefits the problem of unemployments in many place worldwide. Millions of workers work in many automobile factories and they maybe are designers , assembling workers, and sales. In addition, car manufacturing also enhances the need of iron, which increases the demand of mining and refining for metal. Thirdly, nowadays more and more gasoline is needed, which result in more demand for petroleum. All of these create millions of job positions and thus solve many unemployment issues.
All in all, wonderful though the advantages that airplanes enjoy are, such as merely faster and strengthening the link between regions, they cannot compete with the benefits we gain from cars: social symbol, efficiency and jobs. So we can safely reach the conclusion that cars are more beneficial than aeroplanes.