【写作小分队】鸟儿Cjoy的作文贴~~To be more logical~~~

Crystaljoy

4月12日101009 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

In recent few decades, there emerges a flooding population of migration from the rural areas to big cities. Such phenomenon can speak itself that living in cities has comparable advantages than living in countries, most notablely, the better care of families, no matter to the old, the middle, or the young.

The well-funded health care system in cities is beneficial to the old, a group of people who most suffer from ill health condition. Compared with unprivileged areas, there are many sophisticated hospitals providing professional Medicare to citizens, including regular physical examination, 120 first aid, technical surgery and so on. It was in this winter holiday when my mom suddenly had a heart attack while dad was on a business trip and I was doing homework at home. Without hesitation, I dialed 120 for help at once. In few minutes, mom had been sent to the nearest hospital sound and safe, and undertook a surgery one week later. When she backed home as healthy and happy as before, my sincere gratitude just went to the qualified doctors in the hospital! Obviously, live in cities because parents and grandparents' health is my top concern.

As for the middle group, it is the city that satisfies their eagerness to nice jobs with handsome salary. As is known to all, city embraces more big international companies thus providing excellent opportunities for the young's career development, and high income for better living standard. According to a report by the Asian Development Bank, China Daily reported on April 12. 2012, the average household income in urban China is almost 3.5 times that of rural dwellers. Unfortunately, many rural people have no choice but to take on farming which is a tedious yet low-paid job, resulting to live near or below poverty line all the year round.

Besides the healthcare and job economic advantage, the high-standard education of the young in cities is another important concern for our family. So few schools, virtually, are located in the rural areas, let alone qualified teachers and advanced facilities. That's the reason why more and more parents are willing to relocate to a big city: prepare all the best of their children. Besides, children can also benefit a lot from going to the museum, gallery and theater in the cities, to cultivate a well-rounded development of personality.

In a nutshell, from different group's perspectives, living in the cities far outweighs living in rural areas.

Crystaljoy

TPO8

The reading passage casts doubt in three aspects on the fidelity of memoir of Chevalier, a controversial figure in 18th century, but each was attacked by the speaker with new evidence cited.

To begin with, the lecturer is totally against with the saying that borrowing money means living on budget. Instead, she deems that money can be further accumulated after selling property, that's the reason why Chevalier ran out of money and borrowed some from friends temporarily: wait new fortune' arrival. This statement is in contradiction with the idea presented in the passage that Chevalier could not be as rich as he said because he used to borrow money from friends.

And the lecturer continues putting forward details to support the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire. She mentions the ignored fact that Chevalier had the habit of jotting down the contents at night after talks with Voltaire, and also referred to such notes when writing memoir. However, the author does not believe that Chevalier was able to recall exact detailed phrases years later since the conversation took place.


In addition, the reading passage questions the prison-break story, holding that the jailer was suspected of taking bribes from Chevalier' political friends. Oppositely, the professor challenges the skepticism, showing that none of the prisoners who were even more powerful than Chenalier was able to break out through bribes. Besides, the fact that the ceiling had been repaired after Chevalier's escape serves as another convincing proof to refute the author's skepticism.

喵喵了个咪

改TPO8

The reading passage casts doubt in three aspects on the fidelity of memoir of Chevalier, a controversial figure in 18th century, but each was attacked by the speaker with new evidence cited.

To begin with, the lecturer is totally against with the saying that borrowing money means living on budget(是想表达借钱不代表没钱吗？borrowing money means short of fund). Instead, she deems that money can be further accumulated after selling property, that's the reason why Chevalier ran out of money and borrowed some from friends temporarily: wait new fortune' arrival. This statement is in contradiction with the idea presented in the passage that Chevalier could not be as rich as he said because he used to borrow money from friends.

And the lecturer continues putting forward details to support the accuracy of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire. She mentions the ignored fact that Chevalier had the habit of jotting down the contents at night after talks with Voltaire, and also referred to such notes when writing memoir. However, the author does not believe that Chevalier was able to recall exact detailed phrases years later since the conversation took place.

In addition, the reading passage questions the prison-break story, holding that the jailer was suspected of taking bribes from Chevalier' political friends. Oppositely, the professor challenges the skepticism, showing that none of the prisoners who were even more powerful than Chenalier was able to break out through bribes. Besides, the fact that the ceiling had been repaired after Chevalier's escape serves as another convincing proof to refute the author's skepticism.(这段也可以像二三段的结构一样，最后再用一句话概括一下这段的分论点)



文章的结构很有特点，每个分论点都用总分总的方式叙述，显得结构比较严谨。

但是我觉得这种结构在这类文章中有一个缺点，就是由于篇幅的限制，会给人感觉总结多余细节。这对得分不太有利。是否可以相对精简一下每段开头结尾句的句式。让中间的细节部分显得比较饱满。

这是我的个人观点，欢迎鸟大神和我讨论~

bechasing

In recent few decades, there emerges a flooding population of migration from the ruralareas to big cities. Such a phenomenon can speak itself that living incities has comparable [comparable类似的，比得上的，用在此处不合适] desirable advantages than living in countries, most notablely [拼写错误notably], the like taking better care of families, no matter to the old, the middle,or the young.

Thewell-funded health caresystem[小词使用很好] in cities is beneficial to the old, a group ofpeople who most suffer from ill health condition[感觉有点拗口，physical diseases]. Compared with unprivileged areas, there are many [sophisticated久经世故的，复杂的，一般指人] noted hospitalsproviding professional Medicare [换成medical care更贴切] to citizens, including regular physicalexamination, 120 first-aid [emergencytreatment], technical surgery andso on. It was in this winter holiday when my mom suddenly had a heart attackwhile dad was on a business trip and I was doing homework at home. Without hesitation, Idialed 120 for help at once. In few minutes, mom had been sent to the nearesthospital sound[sound作adj.有完好的、健康的意思，做adv.有充分的意思，既然是heartattack, 用sound=healthy不太合适] immediately and safely, andundertook a surgery one week later. When she came backed homeas healthily and happily as before, my sincere gratitude just went tothe qualified doctors in the hospital! Obviously, liveing in cities is more desirable becauseparents' andgrandparents' health is my top concern[句子不完整].

As for themiddle aged group, it is the city that satisfies their eagerness to obtain[加上动词] nice jobs with [handsome=beautiful] considerablesalary. As is known to all, the city embraces more big international companiesthus providinges [thus 的主语是city,或用whichcan provide…补companies] excellent opportunities for the young's careerdevelopment, and high income for better living standard. According to a reportby the Asian Development Bank, ChinaDaily reported by China Daily on April 12. 2012, the average household income in urbanChina is almost 3.5 times that of rural dwellers. Unfortunately, many ruralpeople have no choice but to take on farming which is a tedious yet low-paidjob, resulting to live near or below poverty line all the yearround.

Besides thehealthcare and job economic advantage, the high-standard education of the youngin cities is another important concern for of ourfamilyies. Sofew schools, virtually, are located in the rural areas, let alone qualifiedteachers and advanced facilities. That's is thereason why more and more parents are willing to relocate to a big city: prepareall the best of for [preparesth for sb.] theirchildren. Besides, children can also benefit a lot from going to the museum,gallery and theater in the cities, which ishelpful to cultivate a well-rounded developmentof personality.

In anutshell, from different group's perspectives, I deem that [更直接一点] living in the cities far outweighs living inrural areas.

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Personal suggestion
这题目看起来好像很容易写，实际上是不好展开的，鸟儿的思路就很对，举例举例再举例，即容易写由内容充实，ETS最喜欢这个啦。3点建议：
1) 题目需要论证的是你认为哪一个city people or rural people, can take better care of theirfamilies。鸟儿上面写的好像说的是living incities is much better than living in countryside，有点偏题的嫌疑。
2) 写作的时候语句结构有点散，口语化的迹象较明显，少数的句子结构不完整。写完之后可再整体地读几遍，用语感找逻辑错误。
3) 注意一些小词的恰当使用。

个人观点不一定对，欢迎和鸟儿讨论。

Crystaljoy

谢谢，谢谢~

睡醒来修改~~~

Crystaljoy

TPO16

At hand is the discussion about the current situation of archaeology in Britain. The reading passage presents three problems and limitations accountable for the decline in the archaeology while the lecture cites evidence from new rules adopted in 1990 to refute such claims one by one.

Initially, the lecturer reminds us of the added guideline concerning the pre-examination before every construction. That is to say, where there exists great archaeological value or interest, there will be careful preservation for them by the cooperation of officials and archaeologists. According to the reading, however, many valuable artifacts were ruined to the ever-increasing construction projects.

On the issue of financial support, many important sites was said to lack of proper funding support which was mostly contributed by the governmental grants, as presented in the reading. Whereas the professor indicates that, according to the new guideline, the examination and preservation of the valuable cites are paid by the construction company, thus the handsome funding is virtually enough to study a far greater range of sites.

In addition, the professor also mentions the high payment of archaeologist, as well as the ever-highest number of archaeologists in Britain. Therefore, it is unreasonable to merely conclude that it was tough to make a living in a career in archaeology, as adopted by the reading.

In a nutshell, the professor raises doubts in three areas to challenge the points in the reading.

婷婷connie

鸟儿，婷婷木有找到你28的综合呀

Crystaljoy

5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

真的觉得这种观点折中的题目不会写啊！

Money and social status are like our left and right hands which are indispensable to our career, to some extent. Some people believe that we work for money considering its power in such a money-dominant society, while others argue that we should resist to the utilitarian thought and, instead, strive for high social status. In reality, I believe that the best approach to successful career lies between these two extremes.

First and foremost, a responsible man must work hard and make money to support his family for a better wellbeing. Although money does not mean anything, it solves lots of realistic problems one person may encounter in his life. For example, his aging parent is in dire need of a surgery, then money can save life; his beloved child is accepted by his longing Harvard Business School but a great amount of tuition fees are required, then money can help him chase dream. However, if one day he was to give up his job on an impulse, he would unable to cover the expenditure on food, clothes, housing, transportation and so on so forth.

Besides making money, as human being, we should also endeavor for social status. A man with a high social recognition is said to be not only more influential but also much happier than a normal guy. Take Steve Jobs of the Apple Inc. for an example, with the belief that our life was too short to live others dreams, he became the pioneer of the personal computer revolution and customer electronics. His amazing story motivated millions of young people to make a difference in the world through extremely diligent work. To him, life was so precious to doddle around without any achievements, and he tried his best to achieve an influential social status. Or what the meaning of a career is really about?

However, making money and acquiring social status are not mutually exclusive. Those who are penniless will only end up limiting their own progress and eventually lose the power to protect their family. Also, holding a trillion dollars in the bank means nothing if one has no social status in this world. The key to a happy and successful career is a double-sided philosophy, involving fortune both physically and mentally.

In a nutshell, we cannot come to a hasty conclusion that whether money or social status should be the final purpose of our hard-work, as either is indispensible to a brilliant career.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

鸟儿姐姐的作文真心好啊~~~ 好葱白！

Crystaljoy

鸟儿姐姐的作文真心好啊~~~ 好葱白！

-- by 会员 超级无敌小鹤鹤 (2012/5/5 11:12:27)

时间压力之下，一没想法就开始并列，我跟写中文一样。
When can I　make my idea&logic as shining as u?