作文交流贴 ISSUE 20---第一次写作以及心得兼求拍

jameszhm · 发表于 2011-10-18 16:26:04

感觉作文刚开始要列出几点赞同和反对原来论点的理由，观点尽量多，不要自我审查。
然后要确定自己的立场，标记第一步写的理由，为正理由或者负理由。这样有利于写的时候的查找。
写作的时候我犯了个错误，也就是第一段墨迹半天，下次刚开始不写第一段。
求指导。
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ISSUE 20
20) Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
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本人习作时间：60min 字数:422
Do students need to choose a field of study based on the interest of their own or just the availability of the jobs?though, to much extent, getting a job after graduation to support oneselves as well as the family is the responsibility as an adult,I do agree with the former one.
I concede that one of the aims to study a field is to get a job, which would be the necessary step to utilise our ability learned through education.what's more, i also agree that some field of study would not be so attactive as others to many companies, we may take biology in china for example, the students who study biology would find it is not easy to get a job according to the unsophiscated industry in china.however it does not necessarily mean that we should choose a field of study based on availability of the jobs.
My first contention with the latter idea would be based on the old saying in china: interest is the best teacher.through the learning on the genius like newton in phisics,pauling in chemistry,we would conclude that people who concentrates on the subject he/she interested, they can make a difference by hardwork.in other words, they can acquire big success and fame as well as jobs of course,attribute to their interests.
secondly,according to my knowledge, it hard to tell whether the fields of study are attractive to job markets. we may take technology for example.in the ancient time of china , the science and technology would be not so popular as they are today.because in that time, there are no industries to attract the young,in strong contrast to the europe.but it is well known that students who study science and technology are more easily get a job than other majors due to the booming industry in china nowadays. moreover,several years ago , the computer science are quite popular among the university and job market,due to the broken of the IT bubble，the job need for the field of computer science shrinked.we may jump to the conclusion that,it is not wise to follow the populace, because it is hard to identiy the availability of jobs,and it is wise to follow your heart considering talents and intersts when choosing a field of study.
in sum,it hard to identiy the availability of jobs on the field we are studying,and interest is the best teacher leading us to success,we should follow our heart,choose a field of study considering our own talents and intersts other than the availability of jobs in that field.

ppguo · 发表于 2011-10-18 23:51:13

整体上还是很不错的，语言方面也挺好的。
拍几点啊：
1. 第一段，I do agree with the former one. 这句话前面应该加一两句话，简单说明你为什么赞同第一种观点。这样的话不会显得突兀。
2. ability learned through education. "ability" 不好用 learned, 可以用 obtained, cultivated, etc.
3. 第四段的开头可以阐述的更明确些。工作市场是根据供求关系浮动的，很难准确预测。
4. 还有一点，教育的目的不仅是为现有工作市场提供人才，更重要的是培养有创造力的精英，开辟新的领域。

jameszhm · 发表于 2011-10-19 22:09:50

超级感谢ppguo 哥你的支持我的动力哈~~
1. 第一段，I do agree with the former one. 这句话前面应该加一两句话，简单说明你为什么赞同第一种观点。这样的话不会显得突兀。
嗯嗯，我以为用“getting a job after graduation to support oneselves as well as the family is the responsibility as an adult”就作为原因了，我觉得我第一段应该后面才写，这样可以总结后面的观点，使得文章第一段比较有概括性。
2. ability learned through education. "ability" 不好用 learned, 可以用 obtained, cultivated, etc.
谢谢ppguo 哥这么细心
3. 第四段的开头可以阐述的更明确些。工作市场是根据供求关系浮动的，很难准确预测。
嗯，开头很重要。范文也都是开头引领全段的。
4. 还有一点，教育的目的不仅是为现有工作市场提供人才，更重要的是培养有创造力的精英，开辟新的领域
谢谢，这个观点也很重要。

总之，第一篇，谢谢ppguo 哥，我要继续努力，时间和字数上都有待提高。

ppguo · 发表于 2011-10-19 22:15:52

你的第一段那句话说第二种观点的合理性，然后接着就说你更同意第一种观点，不是有些突兀吗？

jameszhm · 发表于 2011-10-21 00:45:06

谢谢ppguo，所以第一段我应该起总结概括和引领后文的功能，应该适当充实。

cqcn1991 · 发表于 2011-10-22 12:27:17

很同意，要写好第一段很多时候必须全部想好才能写
不如直接开始写正文……

冷月钟笛 · 发表于 2011-10-22 12:33:50

“I concede that one of the aims to study a field is to get a job, which would be the necessary step to utilise our ability learned through education.what's more, i also agree that some field of study would not be so attactive as others to many companies,”
这一段要说明以工作为主选择专业更重要对吧~ 我觉得在你写完I concede... I also agree...之后，就应该说therefore, I consider ... is right. 然后再给例子比较清晰~

冷月钟笛 · 发表于 2011-10-22 12:35:19

建议每段写出明显的观点，然后以此为基础展开~

jameszhm · 发表于 2011-10-25 02:48:32

但是有时候就会忘记所以要不断提醒自己当然也是每个人的习惯可能~~

jameszhm · 发表于 2011-10-25 02:50:04

嗯最新的一篇就开始改这个缺点了阅读材料基本上都有中心句的老外喜欢这个~~

[作文] 作文交流贴 ISSUE 20---第一次写作以及心得兼求拍

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