issue 12.求批改求建议啊

winnalegh

12) Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.



It is good that all excellent students can go to collage to continue their studies.   However should governments offer a free university education to any students who has been admitted to a university but cannot afford it?   Sometimes, the government do not have the ability to offer all these students and there is other way which can also help these students such as scholar prize, which in most cases is very helpful and practical.



Of course it is better that all students who are excellent enough to go to a university will not impeded by their poorness.   In fact, every student has right to study and for a nation it is necessary to educate more good students.    If a student cannot go to university just because his/her parents has little money, it is also possible that he/she cannot get a god job for low scholarship thus cannot gain enough money just like their parents.   And the result may be that his/her own children who are smart cannot go university because their poor parents.   In this case, poor people as well as their children and children' children can hardly get an opportunity to live a better life.    For a nation, if many brilliant students cannot go to university to develop their abilities, the nation will lost many good people in the future who otherwise can make a great contribution to the whole society.



However, it is impractical for a nation to give a free university education for all the poor students who are admitted in order to reduce the loss of excellent students.   For a relatively rich nation, there is few poor students and the nation is able to provide the fundings, and this may be practical.  However, for those poor or underdeveloped nation, there are much poor students and the nation itself suffers a poor condition.   It is sometimes impossible to provide all these students an opportunity to university.  



Although offering a free university education to all students qualifiable is impractical, there is other approach to resolve this problem.   For example, a scholar prize is a good way.   It  gives those students who are very excellent more and those relatively common less, and for some students who were once excellent but now do not make any effort to studies, government can offer no money or little for them.   In this way, the nation can reduce the money spent on these poor students and can also incites students to study hard in order to get a prize.



So, it is agreeable to provide all the excellent but poor students opportunities to go to universities for further studies.   But giving all these kinds of students free entrance is sometimes impractical, especially for those poor nation, and some other way such as providing a prize for good students is better.

普渡哥

最好论证一下即使国家有足够的钱，应不应该这么做？比如美国

竹林中人

It is good that allexcellent students can go to collage to continue their studies.  However should governments offer a free university education to any students who has been admitted to auniversity but cannot afford it?   Sometimes, the government does not have the ability to offerall these students and there is other way which can also help these studentssuch as scholar prize, which in most cases is very helpful and practical.作为第一段，你一下子把你的内容限制在了没有能力为穷学生免学费的国家



Of course it is better 这里你说better总应该有比较的对象，是在什么方面better。 that all students who are excellent enough togo to a university will not impeded by？ their poorness.  In fact, every student has right to study and for a nation it is necessary to educate more good students.这句话感觉不太地道，也许这么说比较好，it is necessary for a nation to ensure that its excellent young peopleget college or university education   If a student cannot go to university just becausehis/her parents has little money, it is also possible that he/she cannot get agod job for low scholarship thus cannot gain enough money just like their parents.  And the result may be that his/her own children who are smartcannot go university because their poor parents.  In this case, poor people as wellas their children and children' children can hardly get an opportunity to livea better life.  这里我觉得有必要重新表述下，显得不够地道，你想说的是让所有有资格的学生能同等地公平地接受大学教育，尤其是穷学生可以因此而更有可能获得一个相对好的工作，  For a nation, if many brilliantstudents cannot go to university to develop their abilities, the nation will lostmany good people in the future who otherwise can make a great contribution tothe whole society.



However, it is impractical for anation to give a free university education for all the poor students who areadmitted in order to reduce the loss of excellent students.  For a relatively rich nation, there is few poor students and the nation is ableto provide the findings, and this may be practical.  However,for those poor or underdeveloped nations, there are much poor students and thenation itself suffers a poorcondition.  It is sometimes impossible to provide all these students an opportunity touniversity.  



Although offering a freeuniversity education to all students qualifiedly is impractical, there is otherapproach to resolve this problem.   For example, a scholar prize isa good way.  It  gives those students whoare very excellent more and those relatively common less, and for some studentswho were once excellent but now do not make any effort to studies, governmentcan offer no money or little for them.  In this way, the nation can reduce the money spent on these poor students andcan also incites students to study hard in order to get a prize.第三点我觉得是不合适的，毕竟题目只是问你这个建议或者政策是否同意而已
建议，加强语言表达和组织。更加集中地谈论题目的话题，不要太散了


So, it is agreeable to provideall the excellent but poor students opportunities to go to universities for furtherstudies.  But giving all these kinds of students free entrance is sometimes impractical,especially for those poor nation,and some other way such as providing a prize for good students is better.

arui2013