TWE 135 大家帮忙改改，谢谢谢谢啦

sunshinewater

TWE 135 Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms, while other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. If I would face this decision, I would agree to permit students to decide what to wear to school, for uniforms can make students hate to go to school, and isolate students in different schools.

High school teenagers are very sensitive. They hope that they are unique in the world, and cloth is an important method to show their unique personalities. If require them to wear school uniforms, they will feel that everybody is same in the school, and after a while they gradually become to hate to go to school.

Uniform doesn’t only make students hate to go to school, but also isolate students in different schools. Take my own experience as an example. I had a friend in different high school. First time when I went to her school in my high school uniform to visit her, everybody in her school looked at me strangely. It seemed that I came from a different planet. Actually, I just came from a different high school! After this event, I was afraid to go her school any more. Of course, she neither. Finally, because we could not see each other very often, we were not close friends any more.

Some people say uniforms can help students more focus on study, because they don’t need to spend time to think about what to wear to school everyday. For this, I would like to say, compared to that because of uniforms students hate to go to school, spending a little bit time of students to think about what to wear to school is not big problem. After all, after thinking about what to wear to school, students will be happy to go to school to study. Moreover, thinking about what to wear to school doesn’t take a long time.

Taking into account all these factors discussed above, which sometimes can intertwine to form and organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can comfortably arrive the conclusion that school should permit students to decide what to wear to school.

fjmaple

Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms, while other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. If I would face this decision, I would agree to permit students to decide what to wear to(-->in) school, for(since or because) uniforms can make students hate to go to school, and isolate(distinguish) students in different schools.

High school teenagers are very sensitive. They hope that they are unique in the world, and cloth(their clothes are ) is an important method to show their unique personalities. If (schools) require them to wear school uniforms, they will feel that everybody is (the )same in the school, and after a while they gradually become to hate to go to school.

Uniform doesn’tonly  (the only reason that make .....否则2个动词 )make students hate to go to school, but also isolate（distinguish) students in different schools. Take(Taking) my own experience as an example. I had a friend in different high school(s). First time when I went to her school in my high school uniform to visit her, everybody in her school looked at me strangely. It seemed that I came from a different planet. Actually, I just came from a different high school! After this event, I was afraid to go her school any more (any more 用在否定句吧？）. Of course, she neither(???, she neither.  maye you want to say, she has the same feeling ). Finally, because we could not see each other very often, we were not close friends any more.

Some people say uniforms can help students more focus on study, because they don’t need to spend time to think about what to wear to school everyday. For this, I would like to say, compared to that because of uniforms students hate to go to school (compared 比较的对象不能平行） , spending a little bit time of students( of student 去掉） to think about what to wear to school is not big problem. After all, after thinking about what to wear to school, students will be happy to go to school to study. Moreover, thinking about what to wear to (go to )school doesn’t take a long time.

Taking into account all these factors discussed above, which sometimes can intertwine to form and organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can comfortably arrive the conclusion that school should permit students to decide what to wear to school.

如果能注意一点，还是不错的，不过用词颇为简单，语句也稍微简单了一点。4-4.5

sunshinewater

真是不好意思,其实写完我还大概检查了一遍,没想到还有这么错误!

多谢fjmaple了，关于那个比较结构可不可以这么改: Compared to hating to go to school, spending a little bit of time to think what to wear to school is not big problem.

关于Uniform doesn’tonly  (the only reason that make .....否则2个动词 )make students hate to go to school, but also isolate（distinguish) students in different schools.我不太明白，not only.....but also.....不是可以这样用吗？还有isolate，我是想表明“使疏远，使分开”的意思，可能用seperate 更好

其实我也知道自己的情况：词和句子确实都太简单。但好像一会半会也突破不了，看来我干脆背魔板好了，这样至少还有几句魔板里的句子充门面的：）我没有用经典魔板主要是因为好像听redpassion前辈说的，现在最好在第一段表明观点时也表明理由(而以前的经典魔板都是第一段子表明观点，后面每一段第一句表明理由）             现在想想，第一段表明观点时也表明理由是不是也不是那么重要。苦恼，12号就要考试了，还这种水准

fjmaple

关于那个比较结构可不可以这么改: Compared to hating to go to school, spending a little bit of time to think what to wear to school is not big problem.

还不如直接用 Spending a .......  is not a big problem.

Uniform doesn’t only make students hate to go to school, but also isolate students in different schools.

这个句子的not only but also,,是这么用的：Uniform not only makes the students hate to go to shcool, but also isolates.........(你怎么可以用doesn't??哎， 还有作文不要用连写，书面语言都不能用。cannot....does not....etc.)

XD也12号上richmond考场。上帝与我们同在！

sunshinewater

Uniform not only makes the students hate to go to shcool, but also isolates.........(你怎么可以用doesn't??哎， 还有作文不要用连写，书面语言都不能用。cannot....does not....etc.)

这两点太有用了，真是太谢谢你了，fjmaple,你实在是一个好人！！！

你也12号考，你不是考完了吗？anyway, good luck for all of us!