vincy的作文贴~~大家多批评！！多给意见，越多越好哟！！！

vincytao

8.19 独立~~  

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

For majority people they think they will have a bigger chance to succeed if they are more like the others. But for me, I think I will have a better opportunity to be successful if I am different from everyone else. The reasons are listed as follows

First and foremost, this is a fast developing society, if you want to be successful you have to be different from others which means you have to be unique enough to let the others notice you. For example, when I was applying for university there are a lot of students, who like me, are the straight A students and have a lot of school activities. But they didn’t have what I have is that I can play piano and I had an exchange experience to another country. Later I got an offer from that university and I believed that it’s my differences from the others that made me outstanding which contributed me to getting the offer.

Second, imagine this situation, if you are an employer who is trying to recruit some new employees wouldn’t you feel tired to see a bunch of candidates who dressed exactly the same and talk about the similar career goals? But all of a sudden a special candidate comes in, dressed properly but different from the others. I bet you will fell refreshing because the candidate is so unique that you put your attention on his at once. Without question you will pay more attention to this candidate.

Last but not least, we can not only benefit from our differences with the others in job hunting but also improve ourselves. When you have realized how important it is to be different from everyone else you will definitely do something such us learn some new skills, conquer your fear to communicate with others, and etc.

In my opinion, it’s more important to be different from others than like the others. And the competitions in the world are so fierce that special people have a bigger chance to become successful. So keep in mind, be different from the others is the first step to succeed.

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-29 16:16
啊啊啊，soooooo sorry!!!
最近偷懒没写作文，刚看着。
要不我给你改一篇你最近写的吧，这样你印象也深。 ...

谢谢vincy了~~后面我就没有写作文，练口语去了。现在也考完了的说~你几号考

carmensh

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-29 16:14
8.29独立~~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？The most important investment for  ...

不好意思回复晚了，主要是我改作文改成别人的了><~~~放在word里啦~

vincytao

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-21 23:59
我错了~~！搞得这么晚，求原谅！

Vincy有时间的话也可以看看我8.20的独立作文噢！谢谢啦~~~ ...

啊啊啊，soooooo sorry!!!
最近偷懒没写作文，刚看着。
要不我给你改一篇你最近写的吧，这样你印象也深。
你说更想我改哪篇呀~~我给你改去

vincytao

8.29独立~~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？The most important investment for a big company is to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.
这篇文章写得实在是没感觉呀。完全不知道从哪个方面写
There are a lot people think that it’s wise for a big company to invest plenty money in office building or make more TV ads. However, in my opinion I think the most significant investment for a company is to improve the employees’ efficiency and proficiency. The reasons are listed as follows.

Investment in efficiency and proficiency of the employees can be a good thing. A lot of the managers in big company are not in favor of the idea because they think the outcome of the investment can be really slow. Unlike means such as broadcast new ads on the TV and have their products on sale can greatly increase the company’s profits immediately. But these managers are short-sighted, they only care about the profits now and reject what will happen in the long run. What if all their competitors improve the efficiency and proficiency of their employees? I bet it will be a lot more to lose!

What’s more, we are now live in a technology world which means technology plays a key role. Technology is the blood of a company growth. Only employees have the access to the new knowledge and technology can the company keep up with the high pace of the economic development. But how can employees manage to have access to knowledge? Investment of the company is definitely the answer! So this investment will provide the company both the efficient workers as well as the energy to compete!

Last but not least, the investment will finally help all the workers to cooperate with each other to reach the high efficiency. At the same time, friendly working atmosphere will form which will make workers feel more comfortable to work with.

In a word, all the company’s goals are to keep alive and to be at the top of that industry. And I think invest in the efficiency and proficiency is the best and only to accomplish these goals. So be a wise man and make a wise choice.

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:57
20 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

我错了~~！搞得这么晚，求原谅！

Vincy有时间的话也可以看看我8.20的独立作文噢！谢谢啦~~~

vincytao

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-8-21 15:12
With the high pace of everyday’s life, we may feel stressed and overburdened all the time. Theref ...

谢谢这么认真的帮我改作文~~~~

wanggang0411

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:57
20 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

With the high pace of everyday’s life, we may feel stressed and overburdened all the time. Therefore, finding a way to relax is of great importance. Most of the people choose to work out to get relaxed, but for me I will totally vote for watching a movie or reading a book to relax. Wondered why? (Wondering why)

You may suggest me to do more physical exercises because it works perfect for you. (it 无指代, 复数要用they)However, I can’t agree with you on this. In my own opinion, physical exercise give me an impression that you can’t get really relaxed. Because you need to be fully focused when you are exercising. (人称统一第一人称, I cannot get really relaxed, Because I bla..) However, fully focused, which occur to me that it can make me more exhausted, doesn’t sound relax for me. (比较wordy, 以下改写可参考 While fully focusing on something could make me more exhausted rather than relaxed). What’s more (Furthermore), I’m a competitive person which makes me want to break the running records of my own. All of this will make me feel more tensed with no doubts. (wordy, 下一改写可参考, I’m so competitive that I always want to break the running records of my own, no doubly making me feel more tensed.)

The reason why I think watching movies or reading books is a better idea is that I can laugh easily form movies and books. Remember the movie Run Chicken? Before I went to cinema to see that movie I was really down because I scored terrible in my match test. And I was really reluctant to watch that movie for it’s a cartoon which is designed for children. ( 改写By the reason of the terrible match test, my emotion was so low that I was really reluctant to watch movie which is designed for children) But guess what! After seeing the movie I burst into laughter and forgot all the stress at school. What’s more, (Besides that ) I learned from the movie that tomorrow is another day and you can always do better in the next day. The second I went to school happily and listened to my match teacher carefully for the mistakes I’ve made. (maybe we could remove this part, since it’s a little bit digressing) In addition, reading more books means more knowledge. (We can improve this part by saying ‘the more books we read, the more knowledge we gain’ to demostrate syntactic variety) Imagine this, wouldn’t you feel happy to hear you teacher discussing some of the materials you’ve just read yesterday? Besides happiness, I bet you will feel relaxed because you already acquired the knowledge.

(如果有时间这里可以加个让步段, admittedly bla bla)

Everyone is different from the others. Just try to find the best way for yourself to relax. Only by finding the way that fits you can you not only be stress free but also be ready for the new tasks again!
(上面所有说的一切都是 you totally agree with the idea that reading book is much more better than any type of physical exercise, while your ending paragraph compromises on everything, quite confusing~~~~)

写的很好
Organization  很好, 逻辑很清晰
Language use 有待提高
Unity, progression and coherence 很好, 除了最后一段, 有小的progression 问题.
加油!

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 20:59
唉唉，无奈抓狂中~~
以后我们可以护改作文呀，如果你愿意的话。
我这就去下着看看。

可以呀，以后我们可以互改~

Mint静默

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-20 21:04
能弱弱的问一句从哪下不，偶木有找到啦

我是在当当上买的，全名叫《慎小嶷十天突破新托福essays》
Cd的那些经验贴里应该会带这本书的电子版，你找找哦