第一次加入写作分队 xiaoqing song

shanhunian

第一次加入写作分队，希望能在这里取得大大的进步。坚持，加油！！

perfectends

备注：红色--修改；绿色高亮：赞
The reading passage and thelistening passage completely uphold different ideas toward whether theenvironment pollution or the predation is the cause of sea utter otter population decreased? The speaker says that the predationis the most likely cause of the sea otters population decline. Then she usesthree specific ideas to support her opinion.

To beginwith, the speaker opposes the first idea in the reading passage, which statesthat the chemical pollution along the Alaskan coast affects the sea otters. She states that the pollution theory is weak, while the fact is that noone found these dead otters. On the other hand, theotters hard to find dead otters is consistent with the predation hypothesis. The predators kill utters otters immediately, so the dead bodies of otters cannot show on shore.  

What’s more, the speaker opposes the secondissue in the reading passage, which infers that other sea mammals alsodisappeared because environment pollution have effects on the all mammals as awhole. She explains that it is probably the orcas caused these smaller mammals disapperance disappeared (双谓语). Since human hunters hunt the large ones, and the orcas have to adaptto survive, the smaller mammals are the only available for them. So orcas started to eat these smaller ones.

Finally, the speaker casts light on the third thought in the readingpassage, which makes the point by saying that pollution causes theuneven pattern of otter decline. She demonstrates that it is better explained by the predation theory.Otters decreased greatly where the location is easily acceptable for the orcasto survive. However, otters did not decline where the location is in theshallow or rocky areas, because the orcas are so large that they cannot arrivein the shallow area.

To sum up, the speaker discerns the flaws in the reading passage andtakes one more step to carefully reveal the fallacies needed to be close scrutiny.


听力的大意和重要细节都听出来了（鄙视我自己，很多就听出来半截，做笔记就顾不上听，听就顾不上做笔记），也paraphase后将文章与讲座做了对比，总体很好的文章。有个别错误如下：有的句子不完整，有的出现双谓语，还有笔误otter—utter。
呃，我综合都没有写总结段的，需要吗？


8好意思啊，我那天保存之后忘了备注是copy word里了谁的帖子，然后就找不到了，回晚了。。。希望你前两天的T考试顺利啊～看你到我这溜达过，对照一下，果然是你。。。鄙视我自己。。。

wsxz007

1月10号 独立

Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things. What's your point?

It is a common belief that people nowadays have a much better quality of life than before for the increasingly(increased adj.) development of society. But here comes a puzzle, when people have earned much money for their work, should they take much money on the pets so that these pets could company with people to kill time well? 这里逻辑很牵强哦，背景是生活质量升高了，转折到一个puzzle，挣钱多了是否就花钱给宠物因为他们能打发时间。生活质量提高和这个puzzle 有啥关系呢，一定要这么写的话中间少个逻辑链，不仅有多余的钱而且寂寞——来自于快节奏生活，人与人沟通变少的寂寞From my point of view, I deem that it is really unnecessary for us to spend much money on the pets because there are so many other aspects worth being invested into.

To begin with, we could spend much money on the study, which could help us learn more in our career. As we all know, ourhuman beings（是表达人类的意思么？社会竞争提高不假，可是首段写了生活条件越来越好了，这个地方人类压力从何说起……）have much pressure than before that we have to spend time（money吧？）studying in order to keep up with other.（表达怪怪的that 引导的从句里面再加in order to ，建议直接改成目的状语从句会不会好些）Namely, we could go abroad to a further study in America for many years, which can improve our language skills and broaden our horizons completely. That is, through the experience in foreign contraries, we could learn so much from the study, such as communication skills, language skills, etc. all these skills are very vital for us to obtain the success in the future.最后两句话基本就是在重复，语义上木有解释说明、总结或递进的意思哦

What’s more, we could spend much money on the travelling, leading us to a deep and overall know of the outside world. Most of us, especially for the young, have so many works to do every day that we are very easily tired and have a bad emotion for a long time. In this case, all of us need a rest. One of the best choices for us is to travel in another city. That is, we could ask some of our best friends with us （invite some of the best friends together）to have a sight-seeing in another city. Through the travelling, we could get lots of things as well, such as new friends, beautiful sceneries, etc. For this reason, I strongly feel that it is a good way for us to spend some money on travelling to obtain much knowledge and improve ourself.

Finally, donating some money for people, especially for the poor, who need help is a very meaningful event for our humans.(donation is an other choice,which help the people who are really in need )Even though most of people now live a better life than people in the past, there are still some people living in a very poor life that they even cannot ensure the basic needs for their daily life. According to the china daily reported in 2010, roughly 34 percent of people cannot earn enough money for their basic food, let alone for the children to study at school. To be honest, when I saw this news from the report, I cried for a long time that I(and)cannot sleep for over nights. So, when we hear these kinds of news in china, I have to say that there is no reason for us to spend much money on the pets. Of course, we could spend much money on the poor who still live in the rural villages now.



这里的逻辑有点点问题，语气太过绝对了，对于穷人的帮助更多的是一种呼唤和好号召，因为有人穷的吃不上饭我们就必须帮助，而忽略自己的喜好有点牵强，可以从善举（喜爱宠物和做善事同是善良的表现，可以捐一些钱给更需要帮助的人，而不是花过分多的钱在宠物身上）出发。你的段落里自动跳过了善良这一帮助他人的内心动因。

To sum up, I firmly believe that it is completely unnecessary for us to spend so much money on the pets, which is such a waste of money. For one thing, we could take some money to go study abroad to learn more knowledge and also visit other cities for a travelling to abroad our horizons. For another, we could use the money to help the poor to get basic needs so that they can live a better life.



逻辑有些小问题，题点much没写出来啊，我觉得这个题目是比较相对而言的，是个比较型题目，你的观点都是绝对语气表达出来的。逻辑跳跃比较大，中国人都懂可老美不适应的。这毛病我也经常犯……在努力改ing。

shanhunian

1月10  TPO 10
The reading passage and the listening passage completely uphold different ideas toward whether the environment pollution or the predation is the cause of sea utter population decreased? The speaker says that the predation is the most likely cause of the sea otters population decline. Then she uses three specific ideas to support her opinion.

To begin with, the speaker opposes the first idea in the reading passage, which states that the chemical pollution along the Alaskan coast affects the sea otters. She states that the pollution theory is weak, the fact is that no one found these dead otters. On the other hand, the otters hard to find is consistent with the predation hypothesis. The predators kill utters immediately cannot show on shore.  

What’s more, the speaker opposes the second issue in the reading passage, which infers that other sea mammals also disappeared because environment pollution have effects on the all mammals as a whole. She explains that it is probably the orcas caused these smaller mammals disappeared. Since human hunters hunt the large ones, and the orcas have to adapt to survive, the smaller mammals are only available. So orcas started to eat these smaller ones.

Finally, the speaker casts light on the third thought in the reading passage, which makes the point by saying that pollution causes the uneven pattern of otter decline. She demonstrates that it is better explained by the predation theory. Otters decreased greatly where the location is easily acceptable for the orcas to survive. However, otters did not decline where the location is in the shallow or rocky areas, because the orcas are so large that they cannot arrive in the shallow area.

To sum up, the speaker discerns the flaws in the reading passage and takes one more step to carefully reveal the fallacies needed to be close scrutiny.

shanhunian

1月10  独立
Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things. What's your point?

It is a common belief that people nowadays have a much better quality of life than before for the increasingly development of society. But here comes a puzzle, when people have earned much money for their work, should they take much money on the pets so that these pets could company with people to kill time well? From my point of view, I deem that it is really unnecessary for us to spend much money on the pets because there are so many other aspects worth being invested into.

To begin with, we could spend much money on the study, which could help us learn more in our career. As we all know, our human beings have much pressure than before that we have to spend time studying in order to keep up with others. Namely, we could go abroad to a further study in America for many years, which can improve our language skills and broaden our horizons completely. That is, through the experience in foreign contraries, we could learn so much from the study, such as communication skills, language skills, etc. all these skills are very vital for us to obtain the success in the future.

What’s more, we could spend much money on the travelling, leading us to a deep and overall know of the outside world. Most of us, especially for the young, have so many works to do every day that we are very easily tired and have a bad emotion for a long time. In this case, all of us need a rest. One of the best choices for us is to travel in another city. That is, we could ask some of our best friends with us to have a sight-seeing in another city. Through the travelling, we could get lots of things as well, such as new friends, beautiful sceneries, etc. For this reason, I strongly feel that it is a good way for us to spend some money on travelling to obtain much knowledge and improve ourself.

Finally, donating some money for people, especially for the poor, who need help is a very meaningful event for our humans. Even though most of people now live a better life than people in the past, there are still some people living in a very poor life that they even cannot ensure the basic needs for their daily life. According to the china daily reported in 2010, roughly 34 percent of people cannot earn enough money for their basic food, let alone for the children to study at school. To be honest, when I saw this news from the report, I cried for a long time that I cannot sleep for over nights. So, when we hear these kinds of news in china, I have to say that there is no reason for us to spend much money on the pets. Of course, we could spend much money on the poor who still live in the rural villages now.

To sum up, I firmly believe that it is completely unnecessary for us to spend so much money on the pets, which is such a waste of money. For one thing, we could take some money to go study abroad to learn more knowledge and also visit other cities for a travelling to abroad our horizons. For another, we could use the money to help the poor to get basic needs so that they can live a better life.

shanhunian

1月9 独立
不好意思啊，发晚了。。。。


Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

It is a common belief that movies nowadays have become one of the most popular ways for people to take time in their daily life. But here comes a puzzle, whether should we go to the theater to see the movies, which are only reflected about the real life? From my point of view, I deem that movies are just one of the wide common methods for people to relax when they are free. That is, I do not agree with the statement above. Movies could always be worth watching even when they are not real in our life.

To begin with, movies are worth watching when these movies are about the extremely unreal comedies, which could make us happy and have a good emotion. Let me explain. As we all know, with the development of our society, people nowadays have so much pressure in their work than they do in the past, they are very easily depressed and upset. In this case, most of the people want to go to the theater to see the comedy movies to take a break. These unreal, even could say exaggerated, movies could completely help our human beings feel much better than before. To be honest, through these comedy movies, people could have a better mood to go to work effectively and eventually make the job perfect. For this reason, I strongly feel that the unreal comedy movies could make humans laugh and happy, it is unnecessary to say that the movies are just only about the real life.

What’s more, we could still see the movies when the movies are about the perfect love stories, leading us to believe the true love in the world and let us love others. Of course, the world is in a reality that most of us have some unsatisfied events that happen every day. But do we have to face these unhappy things very often and remember them in very details? Why do not we forget them and be full of wish in the future? Even though there are many tragedy love stories in the world, we could believe the true love still existed now. In this case, watching the perfect love story movies is a good choice. These love movies could encourage us to love others and eventually the world is full up with love. Hence, the movies could be about the perfect love around the world, leading us to love each other and eventually the world is becoming more and more harmonious.

Finally, the movies could be about the surpassed real dreams for us, which means that movies are still worth watching in order to insist our thoughts completely. It is said that nothing is impossible for a willing heart. That is, if we stick to our dreams for a long time, even sometimes it is unreal so far, our dreams still can come true at last. When we see these unreal, surpassed dreams, our inner heart could become more and more exciting and promising. In this case, we could in turn have more power to make our dreams come true. For example, one of the very famous singers in china called Han hong, she is not beautiful and a little bit of fat, but she is a very hard working actor and she insists to sing the songs for a long time. No one believes she could get a success in her career when she was singing the songs on the stage. But when she sang a song called tianlu in china in the 1990s, she has become the very famous singer in china till now. From Han Hong’ s story, we could see that how our dreams are important for us in our life. Therefore, seeing the unreal movies about the dreams is a very vital part for us to get success in our career.

To sum up, I firmly believe that it is necessary for us to see the unreal life movies in our daily life. For one thing, it is a good way us to have a rest to see these unreal movies and have a perfect mood to do the work well. For another, it is still necessary for us to see the unreal movies to insist our dreams in our real life so that our humankinds could have more confident in the future and make our dreams come true.


.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

TPO8 批改
TPO 8
The reading passage and the listening passage uphold different ideas toward the accuracy of the Chevalier’s memoir. The speaker says that no memoir could be exactly for every detail, but the Chevalier’s memoir is still proactive pretty accurate overall and largely reliable. After that, she uses three specific ideas to illustrate his her opinion.

To begin with, the speaker opposes the first statement in the reading, which demonstrates that Chevalier is not really rich because of borrowed money from a Swiss merchant.because of中of介词，后面跟doing She points out that the loan from merchant does not mean Chevalier is poor. Chevalier had invested into much money into parties and gambling, which is a kind of property needed to sell first to get money.which指代什么？语法上指代money，但这显然make no sense So he used(? 人use day？) a few days to confirm the access assets into actual money. When he ran up out of cash, he had to borrow some money to wait for money arrived. borrow和wait不是目的关系——你这儿的意思就是，borrow money为了wait money，显然不合逻辑；应该的在wait money的时候borrow。

What’s more, the speaker casts light on the second issue in the reading, which argues that the accuracy of conversation between himself and the famous writer Votaire is doubtful. She states that each night Chevalier would write at once whatever he remembered for the particular night conversations and he kept notes of these conversations for many years. He would re-confirm them when he was writing. In addition, witness lived with Chevalier together in the later life, and also confirmed the memoir when Chevalier was composing the memoir. 最后一句和听力部分有点出入，建议重新听一下，这儿witness confirm的不是memoir

Finally, the speaker disputes the third thought in the passage, which states that the account of Chevalier’s escape in an Italian prison is also quesitonal. She makes the point by saying that bribed bribery hardly seems to be possible likely in his case. Other prisoners in the same prison are were more powerful than him, but none of them bribed at all. The best evidence from a government document is, soon after Chevalier escaped, the celling was repaired soon after Chevalier escaped. Why did broke the celling? Except Chevalier did.                                    这两句。。。还不如去掉。。。语法错的太离谱了。。。

45573asdasd

一月9号的作业啊

shanhunian

什么作业？额？？

lizchang1990

1月8
日独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the statement: it is more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)?

It is a common belief that people nowadays have verity of ways to improve their social life, such as go to the art museums, music performance centers, and swimming pools（没感觉swimming pool能提高人们的social life~就life吧）. But here comes a puzzle, if the government wants to invest much money into these devices, what kind of devices should the government build? From my point of view, I deem that it is absolutely more important for the government to build recreational devices（后面建议Cut掉，开头留着你观点，后面理由在分论点来叙述吧~） since our human beings now have so much pressure on their work so that they, of course, need to take physical exercise to have a good health in their daily life.

Fundamentally, it is all known for us that taking exercise has become a vital part for our modern people, which completely infer that the government should focus on this kind of devices. With the development of technology in society, people have so much stress on their work(这个on表达有问题，说people have suffered so much stress which comes from their work), leading to a very depressed and upset emotion on people. （前后句还是衔接不紧密）In this case, our humans have no choice but to work harder than before so that they can keep up with others to get success in their career. With time flying, our humankinds really forget the very important thing in their life, that is(这种插入法很好，很native表达), to take an exercise to have a rest. As a result, they are very easy to get a sick and eventually have a bad health condition. Hence, it is definitely important for people to take physical exercise at this moment. Otherwise, they will be down, let alone to get a success in their whole life. For this reason, I strongly feel that it is much more significant for the government to build recreational devices, such as swimming pool for publicity(这个词，额。。。不要用在这，感觉多余了), to improve the citizens’ health.


我叙述下你的观点哈~~~NO.1建recreational building可以帮助人们健康~

What’s more, for the citizens, it is a very economical way for them to exercise through the recreational devices, such as swimming pool or playground. That is, they can not only save much money, but also have a rest as well. Let me explain. As we all know, when people want to join in a swimming club, they just need to take about 50 yuan per hour for a class. So, most of people could afford these kinds of lesson. On the contrary, if they want to have an art music class, roughly it would cost 200 yuan per hour. You can see how this price difference between these two kinds of class. To be honest, I have to say that not all people can receive this high price for an art music class, especially for the common(ordinary) family in china. Thus, just I said before, government should build more recreational devices for people to have an enjoy life. 例子OK
NO.2建recreational building对人们来说很经济实惠~
Finally, it is much easier for the government to build the recreational devices, such as the swimming pool or playground, which cost less money to take into. Namely, if the government wants to spend some money to build an art museum or music performance center, the government will need to buy the very expensive instruments, such as pianos, guitars, or other kinds of art work. All these kind of tools really cost much that the government must have enough money to invest into. By contrast, if the government wants to set up a swimming pool or playground, it just needs less money to finish this kind of project. So, I would have to say that building the recreational devices is really easier and more important for the government. 例子也OK
NO.1建recreational building对政府来说容易~
To sum up, building the recreational devices is more important for the government than constructing the art museums and music performance centers. For one thing, people can take a physical exercise to have a good health and can save much money as well through the recreational devices. For another, it is easier for the government to set up swimming pools or playground than to open art museums and music performance centers.



你的这篇语言没问题，但想说的是，你这些个例子啊~感觉只能说OK，就是没有我想要你达到的那种深度，理由都比较浅显，一口气扫完，留下没有很深刻的感觉，都在叙述这个recreational device本身的问题了，你应该把思维扩开更大，更夸张，才能说most important嘛。当然这没有过错，也写得不错，但不能出彩地拿高分。不然这样下来顶多就24分，深入点会轻易拿下27的哦~



我自己的，唉~感觉也没好到哪里去。咱们一块加油！(*^__^*) 嘻嘻