作文啊，我来啦

sunflowerclan

我在憋作文~加油！

Rainbamboo666

举例、讲故事，两段式的boby段居然能写这么长

brace1016

Wonderful as having no difference with other, which might enable one to get a pleasant relationship and a happy life, but the truth is that the key to succeed is to chase for his(one’s) own dream from the beginning to the end persistently, not to copy other behaviors aimlessly. Therefore, I strongly believed that if one are(is) eager to achieve success, he should be different from everybody(anyone) else.











To begin with, differences of（in）people make the way to success so different from others. (这句话什么意思？是想表达人们的不同使成功的通途不同吗？感觉很别扭哦)





Common sense tells us that "Two leaves are not exactly the same to each other in the world."Everybody has different characteristic and distinctive（用名词哦distinction）dream and goal for life（感觉这里有歧义，每个人有不同的个性和性格。但是后面的dream and goal for life 想表达什么。And的作用是并列关系哦，并列的东西要有可并性哦。Characteristic 和dream 没有可并性）. Some people want to be a famous scientist; others aim to be a billionaire. Therefore, everyone has his own way to attain their（代词乱用。删掉their吧） success. The experience of one of（删掉哦，不让你后面要加复数的了）my school-fellow, Jerry, will perfectly illustrate this point. Although（删掉，不然就是run-on 的句子了。只有从句，没有主句的句子不完整。） it is universally accepted that learning knowledge is the way for students to succeed .Unfortunately, Jerry is not good at learning. But he had a deep interested in participatingactivities, especially the internship. （亲爱的，实习也是学习的一种吧。你把你的同学例子改下哦，不然逻辑上说不过去哦。我的意见是academic study and internship 都是获得知识的方式哦。你可以把那个although的句子改改哦。）As we were taking courses aimlessly in the university, Jerry was doing his internship in 4S Fengtian. Some of my classmate even looked down on Jerry because of his poor score in the exam and his own way of living. Surprisingly, three years later Jerry is the first students to find a decent and high salary job in Land Rover. If we admit that finding a good job is a success for a weak student, we can safely drew(draw) the conclusion that it is because Jerry choose his own way that make his succeed. In order to success, people must clearly recognize himself and take this own way to success.（这段例子写的很好，就是对前面的中心句写的逻辑不够严谨。可以换个说法写下了前面的论述。）











Moreover, every success must firmly carry out his plan, which require him to be different from others.（中心句的意思真心不懂。主语是every success，谓语是carry out his plan 不符合逻辑表达哦。你想说的意思是每个人得成功必须要实行他的计划吗？）"Throughout the history, most successful people must（去掉吧，太绝对了） have a strong willing to control desires, a applicable plan to attain success and follow his/ her own plan carefully and rigidly.（绿色的是什么意思。在这里是什么成分呢。） As Abraham Lincoln once said"（林肯的话是那些呢？这里真的很乱哦。） I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back. Although some success might not be brilliant person but they must carry out their plan step by step persistently. One of Founding Father of United States -Benjamin Franklin is such a person. When people are sleeping in the comfortable bed, he is still go（删掉哦）on working till late in the night. When people were eating their delicious dinner, he is still wandering in the world of books. When people are having under the care of parent, he has already established his own business. Everybody who clearly follow his own way and firmly keep his own plan will easily achieve his ultimate and definitely get success inevitably.（例子写得好，但是对中心句的支撑不到位。好好把前面的论述内容改改哦。）











All in all, because the different characteristic and diverse plan to get success. Everybody must be different from others.











感觉你对论点的把握还不够哦。就是你每段的开头句子是中心句，直接把你的观点抛出来。要明确且到位的阐述哦。作文是改了才能提高的哦。写完之后自己再琢磨句子表达啦，逻辑意思啦，再想想怎么才能做到地道的写出好句子。加油哦。

brace1016

我改你的5号的作文。改完贴上哦。

sunflowerclan

5号独立 求狠批啊，几天没写手生了，逻辑混乱啊
Wonderful as having no difference with other, which might enable one to get a pleasant relationship and a happy life, but the truth is that the key to succeed is to chase for his own dream from the beginning to the end persistently, not to copy other behaviors aimlessly. Therefore, I strongly believed that if one are eager to achieve success, he should be different from everybody else .


To begin with, differences of people make the way to success so different from others. Common sense tells that "Two leaves are not exactly the same to each other in the world."Everybody has different characteristic and distinctive dream and goal for life. Some people want to be a famous scientist, others aim to be a billionaire. Therefore, everyone has his own way to attain their success. The experience of one of my school-fellow, Jerry, will perfectly illustrate this point. Although it is universally accepted that learning knowledge is the way for students to succeed .Unfortunately, Jerry is not good at learning. But he had a deep interested in participating the activities, especially the internship. As we were taking courses aimlessly in the
university, Jerry was doing his internship in 4S Fengtian. Some of my classmate even looked down on Jerry because of his poor score in the exam and his own way of living. Surprisingly, three years later Jerry is the first students to find a decent and high salary job in Land Rover. If we admit that finding a good job is a success for a weak student, we can safely drew the conclusion that it is because Jerry choose his own way that make his succeed. In order to success, people must clearly recognize himself and take this own way to success.


Moreover, Every success must firmly carry out his plan, which require him to be different from others.."Throughout the history, most successful people must have a strong willing to control desires, a applicable plan to attain success and follow his/ her own plan carefully and rigidly. As Abraham Lincoln once said" I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back. Although some success might not be brilliant person but they must carry out their plan step by step persistently. One of Founding Father of United States -Benjamin Franklin is such a person. When people are sleeping in the comfortable bed , he is still go on working till late in the night. When people were eating their delicious dinner, he is still wandering in the world of books. When people are having under the care of parent, he has already established his own business. Everybody who clearly follow his own way and firmly keep his own plan will easily achieve his ultimate and definitely get success inevitably.


All in all, because the different characteristic and diverse plan to get success. Everybody must be different from others .

conanwang

Some people prefer to learn by watching TV because it can bring them vivid image and great deal of updated information. However, in most cases, not all the knowledge can learn by watch TV because of its limited resources for learning. 开头不错。后面这句话可以删去，因为题目问的是“是否能学到更多”Far more disappointing than this, Watching tends to lead to deterioration in our study performance.


To begin with, what we learned from the TV is not practical for us to use it in our daily life. Admittedly, people are good watcher. They like to watch other's life in the movie. But as it all known to us , the key function for TV program is to entertain people .Therefore, the resources for edifying people in TV is so limited that it is not enoughfor us to acquire real knowledge. In such cases, some people regard watching TV shows and movies also as"Learning ".The truth is watching movie or TV series may help people find a excuse to escape from the real world. TV do satisfied their fascination but do not teach them how to succeed. The heroes and heroines in the movie can achieve great success of their business, attain the sweet love of the life and gain highly respected of their fame so easily in a two hours long movie. But this is not the real life. People who devote their time learning from watching TV show will definitely lost balance in lives. （这段太长了，建议分段）

Moreover, If we hold positive view on this kind of learning, most of people tend to addicted to watch TV, which leads to learning nothing. If a students who spend most of their time in watching TV to learn, he may experience falling grade, decreased academic experience and dedication. Adults who are addicted to this kind of TV learning may experience a similar dedication in work performance, job dedication and career inspiration. In extremes cases, job may be lose due to poor work performance, watching at work or frequent absences. As we can see, Learning from watching TV tend to lead to disaster


In a contrast, Books is the most effective way of learning. By reading book, we can contact with what some of most brilliant mind have thought. By reading book, we learn dozens of famous theories and a great deal of equations to help us get professional occupation. By reading book we can even get the first hand information about the world political situation and social problem. Moreover, knowledge form book can retain in our memories for a longer period of time. As an old saying goes "If there are a thousand people there will be a thousand Hamlets." Therefore, we can draw our own conclusion by reading the material from boo , which will foster us to remember some important knowledge.（自己支持的观点应该写得多一点，至少差不多一样多，这样段落之间就平衡。）

All in all, because of the reasons I mentioned above, I safely draw the conclusion that reading book helps us more. （结尾再加一句话解释原因会好一些。）





______________________________________________________________________________________________________


However, in most cases, not all the knowledge can learn by watch TV because of its limited resources for learning.
==>> However, not all the knowledge can be acquired by watching TV because of the limited study resource.

But as it all known to us , the key function for TV program is to entertain people .
==>> However, the TV programs can be entertaining, which is its main function.


Therefore, the resources for edifying people in TV is so limited that it is not enoughfor us to acquire real knowledge.
==>> Therefore, educational programs in TV are so limited that we are unable to acquire enough knowledge from them.

The truth is watching movie or TV series may help people find a excuse to escape from the real world.
==>> In reality, seeing movies or watching TV series may help people to escape the frustrations of the real world.


TV do satisfied their fascination but do not teach them how to succeed.
==>> TV simply amazes audiences but do not teach them how to succeed.

People who devote their time learning from watching TV show will definitely lost balance in lives.
==>> People who spend too much time in learning from television will lose the balance of life.

sunflowerclan

错了， 是31号 求狠批
Some people prefer to learn by watching TV because it can bring them vivid image and great deal of updated information. However, in most cases, not all the knowledge can learn by watch TV because of its limited resources for learning. Far more disappointing than this, Watching tends to lead to deterioration in our study performance.


To begin with, what we learned from the TV is not practical for us to use it in our daily life. Admittedly, people are good watcher. They like to watch other's life in the movie. But as it all known to us , the key function for TV program is to entertain people .Therefore, the resources for edifying people in TV is so limited that it is not enoughfor us to acquire real knowledge. In such cases, some people regard watching TV shows and movies also as"Learning ".The truth is watching movie or TV series may help people find a excuse to escape from the real world. TV do satisfied their fascination but do not teach them how to succeed. The heroes and heroines in the movie can achieve great success of their business, attain the sweet love of the life and gain highly respected of their fame so easily in a two hours long movie. But this is not the real life. People who devote their time learning from watching TV show will definitely lost balance in lives. Moreover, If we hold positive view on this kind of learning, most of people tend to addicted to watch TV, which leads to learning nothing. If a students who spend most of their time in watching TV to learn, he may experience falling grade, decreased academic experience and dedication. Adults who are addicted to this kind of TV learning may experience a similar dedication in work performance, job dedication and career inspiration. In extremes cases, job may be lose due to poor work performance, watching at work or frequent absences. As we can see, Learning from watching TV tend to lead to disaster


In a contrast, Books is the most effective way of learning. By reading book, we can contact with what some of most brilliant mind have thought. By reading book, we learn dozens of famous theories and a great deal of equations to help us get professional occupation. By reading book we can even get the first hand information about the world political situation and social problem. Moreover, knowledge form book can retain in our memories for a longer period of time. As an old saying goes "If there are a thousand people there will be a thousand Hamlets." Therefore, we can draw our own conclusion by reading the material from boo , which will foster us to remember some important knowledge.

All in all, because of the reasons I mentioned above, I safely draw the conclusion that reading book helps us more.

sunflowerclan

30号 作文
Some people think professor should concentrate their work on carrying out the research because most of the high techniques come from the discoveries of the university professors. And technology is an indispensable part of the development of the society. However, the most significant job of a professor is to not to seek glory for himself , develop new technology for the country but to cultivate students in university, improve the quality of the courses and foster students to be promising young men.

To begin with, although some people might say professor can do research well and prepare courses excellent. But there is an old saying goes" Put all of your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket."As we all know, One's energy is limited and how excellent your course in most cases depended on how much time and energy you have put into it. Admittedly, the courses teached by the professor is the same every year. But with the rapid develop of the society, if a teacher who concentrate most of his energy on doing the research must do not have energy left to up date his courses, in this way the knowledge acquired by the students is outdated and useless, which waste their previous time and energy. Moreover, a good professor must have enough time and energy to care about students. Only if a professor really aware of the needs of the students can he could be called a competent teacher. The only way to attain success for most of the students is to study. Therefore, every student is eager to acquire knowledge from wonderful courses. So professor must pay attention to the quality of the courses. In most cases, if a professor devote most of the time to his course, he may act as a guide to lead students to success. He may tread students as if they were his own children. He may render advises when students are in a dilemma and give a helping hand when they encounter difficulties. He may tells students how to study and how to absorb information and how to apply what you have learn to other subjects .He may also help to broaden the scope of the horizon by providing extra material for students to read. In this way, Students are more likely to be a successful young man.

Moreover, The behavior of the professor exerts a profound influence on the students moral standards. A professor should have a strong responsibility for his work and be a honest and reliable teacher. However, the truth is that the only motivation for most of the professors, especially professor in some of Chinese University, is to get higher salary and seek the glory for themselves. In order to pursue that aim, some even cheated on the paper. As we all know teacher should set good example for students. How could you expect such professor to study faithful students? Therefore, the research oriented teaching style in university only results a disaster.

All in all, because of all of the points I mentioned above, I safely draw the conclusion that professor should concentrate on teaching students.

45573asdasd

大哥你不靠谱啊。。。

45573asdasd

帅哥，你怎么没给我改啊~