abide超烂的托福作文，求狠批

Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends.a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. Traveling

提纲：position:加入运动队是交友的最好方法

Reason: 1.体育是融入新环境的好方法

2.通过运动可以建立起深厚的友谊和默契

3.友谊是长期的

时间：30M 字数：441

Nowadays，no one is isolated, everyone will make friends with others, and there are many ways to be friends, some people choose to do a traveling to meet new friends from other place, other would like to participate in community activities. In my view, as a student, I think the best way of making new friends is joining a sports team.

Once you are a new comer in a strange environment, you need to get used to circumstance as fast as you can, doing some sports is a useful and available way to achieve it.

Because you are able to show yourself by sports, which is a visiting card of introducing yourself to others, and most of persons will not be tired of physical activities. For example, when I was a freshman in university, which is thousands of miles away from my hometown, I participated in the soccer team. In this team,I set up friendship with teammates due to the common thing we are all interested in, thus, soccer becomes a bridge between me and others, we could get a deep understanding each other, what’s more, we are taken care of by the senior from the team. Therefore, sports are the first and crucial step to make friends in new circumstance, especially for student.

Sports are the catalyst of stable friendship and tacit agreement on account of group sport activities. As a soccer team, we usually have a discussion of strategy, we could consider which one is suitable for attacker, which one ought to make the connection between forward and defender. In this process, we are able to realize if one of teammates is in trouble, any one of us will try our best to help him or her. So you can not imagine that sports are powerful enough to establish a link between you and others.

Even though traveling and community activities are helpful to make new friends, sports also contribute to it. Many seek the friend that they keep the rest of their lives through sports. Once teammate, always friend. They may keep in touch years later. Besides, this sort of friends are also helpful for you to break down on the other field. For instance, for some successful businessmen, most of their parters are from the sport team such as baseball, football, in which they played together when they were student in college. No one could succeed without group in this world, friends are important element to promote your achievement.

To sum up, sports are a good way to make new friend, and sports team will play the role of family when you feel lonely.   

Which way do you think is the best for a student to makenew friends.a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. Traveling

提纲：position:加入运动队是交友的最好方法

Reason: 1.体育是融入新环境的好方法

2.通过运动可以建立起深厚的友谊和默契

3.友谊是长期的

时间：30M 字数：441Nowadays，no one is isolated,(应该是semicolon不是 comma. comma 要确保, 前后的至少一个不是完成句子 ) everyone will make friends with others, and there aremany ways to be friends, some people choose to do a traveling to meet newfriends from other place,(places) other(others others 代指other people) would like to participate in community activities. In myview, as a student, I think the best way of making new friends is joining asports team.

Once you are a new comer in a strange environment, youneed to get used to circumstance as fast as you can, doing some sports is auseful and available way to achieve it.(合成到一段会比较好吧)（发现你有一逗到底的习惯 建议看一下 有关资料）（it这个代词所对应的make friends 离得比较远 建议使用直接使用防止奇异 这一点不确定）

Because you are able to show yourself by sports, which isa visiting card(名片的意思么 学习了) of introducing yourself to others, and most of personswill not be tired of physical activities. For example, when I was a freshman inuniversity, which is thousands of miles away from my hometown, I participatedin the soccer team(a soccer team). In this team,I set up friendship withteammates due to the common thing we are all interested in, thus, soccerbecomes a bridge between me and others, we could get a deep understanding between each other,what’s more, we are taken care of by the senior from the team. (were taken更合适吧 失态方面自己也不太清楚 不确定)Therefore, sports are the first and crucial step to makefriends in new circumstance, especially for student.（单数可数名词一般不能独立存在）

Sports are the catalyst of （查了一下 catalyst for 用的较多）stablefriendship and tacit agreementon account of group sport activities（不能明白什么意思）.As a soccer team, we usually have a discussion of strategy, we could considerwhich one is suitable for attacker, which one ought to make the connectionbetween forward and defender. In this process, we are able to realize if one of teammates is in trouble,any one of us will try our best to help him or her（好像不能这样直接套从句吧 if one of ...,  to realize that and nay ）.So you can not (好像cannot 不是书面语 都是cannnot 另外can not 意思是 be not able to 感觉不是很合适 不是生理上的不能)imagine that sports are powerful enough toestablish a link between you and others.

Even though traveling and community activities arehelpful to make new friends, sports also contribute to it. Many seek the friendthat they keep the rest of their lives through sports. Once teammate, alwaysfriend. They may keep in touch years later. Besides, this sort of friends arealso helpful for you to break down on the other field(fields). For instance,for some successful businessmen, most of their parters （partners）are from the（a same） sport team such as baseball, football, inwhich they played together when they were student in college. No one could succeed without group in this world, friends are importantelement to promote your achievement.

To sum up, sports are a good way to make new friend, and sports team will play the role offamily when you feel lonely. (感觉有点牵强了)

总体来说 还不错了 但是能够感觉出来 咱们和大牛之前的差距还是很大的很多地方有一些小的错误 另外还有就是文章读起来比较单调 一读就感觉出来是中国人写的了

感觉多看多记一些用法

共勉

Nowadays， a great number of players enjoy high-level salaries. Some believe that these athletes do not have so much worth. In addition, some of critics condemn this phenomena. However, I agree with that the professional athletes deserved high salaries to be paid.

The high salaries is competent to the regular pattern of marketing. According to the rules of economic, the stronger skills you own, the more you earn. That is the reason why some people have millions of possession. For players, if they are the crucial role in a team and could get scores in pierce competition, they should be rewarded. What’s more, this kind of players not only promote the development of sport, but also make contribution to the whole sport production. For example, Mes si, one of the best soccer players in this world, due to his perfect performance,inspires other players to do their utmost to finish the game and leads to a evolution of soccer. Besides, when the home game is coming, many fans who are attracted by Messi, are willing to buy some productions which is relevant to sport, such as T-shirt of club, shoes signed by the players, even they need to pay for the food when enjoying time in the arena. Therefore, the high-salaries athletes is the catalyst of stimulating the sport and the economic.

(这一段笔者写得很专业，用经济的角度进行了分析，例子也写得很充分)

The players are responsive to charitable field, and the sort of behavior is the key to make more persons to focus on the developing areas. For instance, a lot of famous players, such as James, Beckham, Ronaldo, who enjoy the high award and are praised by many other players and fans, devote themselves to some African areas, donating the money they earn, establishing some NGO to improve the living condition of the poor. They ought to be considered as the role model, influencing a large part of men to make progress to the development of human beings. The high salaries they own is not wasted, on the contrary, they just spend the possession where they need and call on more and more people to concentrate on the group whose living standard is weak.

Some one may think that players should not be paid too much money in that there are many unresolved problem around the world, such as peace ,hunger, which need large money. Admittedly, no every player is suitable for high salaries. But if they can not earn their living by sports, they may do damage to the sport. They are probable to cooperate with gambling organization so that they are likely to cheat in the game, and some people could control the result of competition. That is the negative effect of others.

（此处应该空一行）
To sum up, the position of high salaries of athletes is reasonable, this behavior benefits for many fields.
整体没有什么错误，可见笔者的功底，分析得也很透彻、全面~赞一个