[写作小分队] 求狠批

pytina · 发表于 2013-6-8 11:46:19

6.8开始加入写作小分队，预计七月底考试（还没抢到位的飘过）

考完5.26出分 26+19+18+21=84 各种差劲
526考完第二天就开始重新复习了，今天才发现写作小分队
打算用差不多两个月时间考到95+，最低不能低过90吧。。泪。。
今天开始~~~

pytina · 发表于 2013-6-8 21:52:38

6.8 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情?

It is universally recognized that parents should accompany with their children to do their homework or study rather than to play games or do sports. Hence, when it comes to the issue how to be good parents, people hold the opinion that helping children with their homework is a good way. However, contrary to these people is my heartfelt agreement with the opinion that playing games or doing sports with children is better than helping them with their homework.

In the first place, there is a tendency that more and more children lack exercises after school. What’s more, since the junk food is cheap and delicious; firms spend billions advertising it. So children consume more calories than they spend. Two-thirds of American children are overweight or obese. Developing countries are catching up. In China nearly 30% of children are too wide. This poses a grave challenge to health system. Besides, obesity increases the risk of cardiovascular, diabetes, liver disease, joint troubles and even some cancers. So it is essential for children to do some sports to keep themselves healthy. However, they are overwhelmed by lots of homework and often forget to do exercises. Under this condition, parents should without no doubt exercise with their children. If children have not a healthy body, they could not study well. I was once vulnerable to disease and was often absent from school in order to see a doctor. It pretty affected my study. However, since my father played basketball with me every day, I became stronger and healthier. Now I make great process in study and I am not absent from school any more.

Secondly, spending lots of time in studying could be a boring thing and make children feel tired to be innovative. An innovative person has a visible ”creative spark”, ability to simplify an abstract idea, and depth and focus. Innovative can make a person outstanding among peers. More and more companies are likely to hire individual who often has some creative idea. For example, the current craze started with Google’s well-know “20% Time” initiative, which encourages its employee to spend 20% of their time at work on a project not related to their job description. Gmail, Google news and adsense reportedly all evolved out 20% Time. Companies need innovative ideas and products, the kind that usually come from small startups. Some inventor squeezed big products out of these free-form session, from Post-its to laser printers. Therefore, if parents could play with their children and motivate children’s innovative ideas, it is of great benefit to their children’s career.

To sum up, according to what I have discussed before, we can safely draw the conclusion that parents should play with their children rather than help them to do their homework.

pytina · 发表于 2013-6-8 21:56:17

tpo17
The professor in the lecture totally disagrees with the arguments mentioned in the reading passage. In fact, she believes that birds populations would decline because of three reasons mentioned in the reading passage are unconvincing.

According to the lecture, the professor raises that the issue that not all the birds would decline due to the expansion of urban buildings. In fact, the population of some birds like seagulls and pigeons increases. You can even see hawks in the city. Therefore, some birds may shrink, but others birds may grow. However, the brief reading insists that birds miss their place to live because of more and more buildings.

The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage concerns the agricultural activities. The lecture claims that in the United States, fewer land are used for agriculture. There are some new crops exist which are more productive. Since the agriculture land becomes fewer, birds population would not decline. The reading passage, on the contrary, claims that more and more land will be used for agriculture so the birds will lose more habitats.

Finally, the lecturer contends that it is true that pesticides are destructive to the environment. But now people explore more and more pesticides which are less toxic to environment and birds. What's more, they also grow some crops that can resist the pests. So people reduce the need to use the pestcides which would not threaten the birds. This point casts doubt on what is discussed in the reading passage that pesticides result in the decline of birds.

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-6-9 22:43:18

我有点事情，可能今晚来不及给你改文章了，最晚明天中午之前给你改完，不好意思啊。

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-6-10 12:15:13

6.8 Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement?
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情?

It is universally recognized that parents should accompany with their childrento do their homework or study rather than to play games or do sports. Hence,when it comes to the issue how to be good parents, people hold the opinion thathelping children with their homework is a good way. However, (what) contrarys to thesepeople is my heartfelt agreement with the opinion that playing games or doingsports with children is better than helping them with their homework.

In the first place, there is a tendency that more and more children lackexercises after school. What’s more, since the junk food is cheap anddelicious; firms spend billions advertising it. So children consume morecalories than they spend. Two-thirds of American children are overweight orobese. Developing countries are catching up. In China nearly 30% of childrenare too wide. This poses a grave challenge to health system. Besides, obesityincreases the risk of cardiovascular, diabetes, liver disease, joint troublesand even some cancers. So it is essential for children to do some sports tokeep themselves healthy. However, they are overwhelmed by lots of homework andoften forget to do exercises. Under this condition, parents should without no doubt exercisewith their children(这句话没谓语). If children have not a healthy body,they could not study well. I was once vulnerable to disease and was oftenabsent from school in order to see a doctor. It pretty affected my study. However,since my father played basketball with me every day, I became stronger andhealthier. Now I make great process in study and I am not absent from schoolany more. (我觉得这一段举得例子很好，符合托福作文的要求，非常的specific)

Secondly, spending lots of time in studying could be a boring thing and makechildren feel tired to be innovative. An innovative person has a(an) visible ”creativespark”, ability to simplify an abstract idea, and depth and focus. Innovativecan make a person outstanding among peers. More and more companies are likelyto hire individual who often has some creative idea. For example, the currentcraze started with Google’s well-know “20% Time” initiative, which encouragesits employee to spend 20% of their time at work on a project not related totheir job description. Gmail, Google news and adsense reportedly all evolvedout 20% Time. Companies need innovative ideas and products, the kind thatusually come from small startups. Some inventor squeezed big products out ofthese free-form session(s), from Post-its to laser printers. Therefore, if parentscould play with their children and motivate children’s innovative ideas, it isof great benefit to their children’s career.

To sum up, according to what I have discussed before, we can safely draw theconclusion that parents should play with their children rather than help themto do their homework.

文章总体写得很不错，例子都举得很好，小错误比较少，能避免就更完美了，然后段与段之间层次再分明一些就更好了。

[写作小分队] 求狠批

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

浏览过的版块