ChaseDream

标题: 9 13 独立作文：teaching is harder than it was in the past求批改 [打印本页]

作者: amylala3 时间: 2014-9-13 21:11
标题: 9 13 独立作文：teaching is harder than it was in the past求批改

独立：teaching is harder than it was in the past

Some people claims,in the information age, students become unprecedented erudite and consequently,teaching is harder than it was in the past. However, it is an exaggeration tosay that teaching becomes more difficult. In the modern society, technology assiststeachers in preparing lessons and is beneficial to improve the quality ofteaching. Besides, Internet along with massive information enlarges teachers’outlook and provides them varieties of vehicles for the acquisition of related teachingknowledge.

Granted, during thepast centuries, because the limited opportunities to get information andknowledge, it is easy for teachers to make students blindly believe what theysaid and it seems like teaching become relatively easier. But, in fact, lackingenough information and effective methods to teach impedes the development ofeducation and makes teaching ineffectively

Today, accompaniedwith technology developing, more and more auxiliary teaching methods are opento choose. For example, teachers can take advantage of powerpoint and video toattract their students’ attention and to provide a more direct and interesting wayfor students to learn new knowledge. Not only will it stimulate young childrento learn more, but also it will assist teachers in teaching and promote thequality of education. Moreover, in view of students can get information moreeasily, teachers could leave more room for students to learn by themselves. Inthis case, teachers don’t need to explain some very basic and easy question anymore, and it will reduce the heavy burdens of teaching.

Finally, givenmore passports to acquire information, it is become easier for teachers toprepare lessons. What they need to do is only opening the computer and searchingthe Internet. My math teacher told me that when there was not computer andinternet, every weekend, he had to go to the library and spend entire day to preparehis class and sometimes, he even couldn’t find out the book he need. However,now, he could only use the after work time of several days to prepare his classand consequently, preparing work is more effective and the schedule is moreflexible.

In conclusion,even though it seems like today’s teachers face more challenges to overcome,such as more brilliant questions and more education censorship, at the sametime, there are more convenient for teachers to teach. Therefore, the judgment—teaching is harder than it was in the pastis unconvincing.

作者: amylala3 时间: 2014-9-13 21:12
粘过来看到有些词粘连了，筒子们请不要介意，我就不改了

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-14 18:05

独立：teaching is harder than it was in the past

Some people claims,in the information age, students become unprecedented erudite and consequently,teaching is harder than it was in the past. However, it is an exaggeration to say that teaching becomes more difficult.

In the modern society, technology assists teachers in preparing lessons and is beneficial to improve the quality of teaching. Besides, Internet along with massive information enlarges teachers’outlook and provides them varieties of vehicles for the acquisition of related teaching knowledge. Granted, during thepast centuries, because the limited opportunities to get information andknowledge, it is easy for teachers to make students blindly believe what they (前面两个复数最好重复指代对象)said and it seems like teaching become(用was比较好) relatively easier. But, in fact, lacking enough information and effective methods to teach impedes the development ofeducation and makes teaching ineffectively

（你的主题句是technology 但是本段并没有很多细节支撑high-tech tools 和 Internet。除此之外你举的栗子过去学生盲目跟从跟这一段没有啥必然联系。所以论述跑题。最后的but 应该是重点句需要和本段主题句相呼应啊！）

Today, accompanied with technology developing, more and more auxiliary teaching methods are open to choose. For example, teachers can take advantage of powerpoint and video (clips)to attract their students’ attention and to provide a more direct and interesting way for students to learn new knowledge. Not only will it stimulate young childrento learn more, but also it will assist teachers in teaching and promote thequality of education. Moreover, in view of students can get information moreeasily, teachers could leave more room for students to learn by themselves. Inthis case, teachers don’t need to explain some very basic and easy question anymore, and it(it不能指代一件事儿) will reduce the heavy burdens of teaching.

【下划线的这些话对本段 auxiliary teaching method没有啥作用可以不写。并且你的细节太少仅仅举两个事物是没有啥力度。你不觉得这一段和上一段有点重么？】

Finally, given(主语是啥) more passports(感觉不太妥当) to acquire information, it is become(划掉) easier for teachers toprepare lessons. What they need to do is only opening the computer and searchingthe Internet(你这样写显得老师太随意了吧...). My math teacher told me that when there was not(NO) computer and internet, every weekend, he had to go to the library and spend entire day to prepare his class and sometimes, he even couldn’t find out the book he need. However,now, he could only use the after work time of several days to prepare his classand consequently, preparing work is more effective and the schedule is moreflexible.

亲爱的文章要谈的是teaching 感觉有点跑题你这里说的更多的是准备阶段。排除这个不说，你的栗子实在对比度太低而且不够生动。

In conclusion,even though it seems like today’s teachers face more challenges to overcome,such as more brilliant (用词欠妥)questions and more education censorship(你想表达什么意思), at the sametime, there(IT) are(IS) more convenient(用词欠妥) for teachers to teach. Therefore, the judgment—teaching is harder than it was in the pastis unconvincing.
【最后吐槽你的排版实在不行就上word文档吧= =】
字数有点少哟！~~写完主题句一定要注意论述要扣题！！！主题句也要扣题！！！

作者: amylala3 时间: 2014-9-14 18:14

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-14 18:05

谢谢亲的批改，赞！但是有个问题，[size=16.363636016845703px]Some people claims,in the information age, students become unprecedented erudite and consequently,teaching is harder than it was in the past. However, it is an exaggeration tosay that teaching becomes more difficult. In the modern society, technology assiststeachers in preparing lessons and is beneficial to improve the quality ofteaching. Besides, Internet along with massive information enlarges teachers’outlook and provides them varieties of vehicles for the acquisition of related teachingknowledge.是第一段。概述了一下我后面的论点，所以论点应该没有重复
然后granted是第二段，是让步段。我看亲亲是由于我从Word粘过来排版的问题好像是看错了。所以中心句子和支持的那些不是我要表达的意思，granted是让步段，不是要支持我自己的观点。
不过例子确实是个问题，我一直例子写得很烂哈哈哈哈。
谢谢亲的批改！！！大赞！！鞠躬

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-14 18:48

amylala3 发表于 2014-9-14 18:14
谢谢亲的批改，赞！但是有个问题，Some people claims,in the information age, students become unpreced ...

好的吧！但是让步段实在不应该放在那个位置！！！加油~

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-14 18:49

amylala3 发表于 2014-9-14 18:14
谢谢亲的批改，赞！但是有个问题，Some people claims,in the information age, students become unpreced ...

但是我觉得陈述完个人倾向以后第一段就可以结束了！然后再开始有分论点，一般以in the first place之类的开头。语言基础还是不错的一起加油！！~

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-14 18:50

amylala3 发表于 2014-9-14 18:14
谢谢亲的批改，赞！但是有个问题，Some people claims,in the information age, students become unpreced ...

我再啰嗦一句妹子注意段落结构。就是段落之间的逻辑~

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)