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标题: jessie的作文帖 [打印本页]

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-13 11:58
标题: jessie的作文帖
发誓完虐TOFEL作文

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-15 15:11
What is the most important objection of education? To enhance the ability of academic of children, to foster children to think independently and to make children be healthy in mental and physical. As an old saying in my country, to teach people to fish is better than give them fish. Thus, in my opinion, it is better for parents to let children make and learn from their own mistakes.
First and foremost, When children undergo a failure by themselves, they will be impressed by the experience. There is no better way to learn more from mistake than to experience by one's own. When I was five years old, one day, I did my homework and there was a difficulty mathematics problem that I could calculate by myself, so my father helped me to deal with it. The next time, I met the same problem, however, I can' t finish it once again. Because I can't remember how my father calculated it! After thinking by myself, I resolved this mathematics problem and them I found that it was so easy that I will never feel worried about it. As I have said, when a child resolve a problem by himself/herself, they will never make the same mistake for the impressed memory.
Moreover, to give children more space to make and learn from their own mistake will be beneficial for them to think independently. And it's crucial for children to think by themselves. When children grow up, they will have their own life, establishing a family, fostering their own children. And parents will leave some day, as a result, the parents can't always correct children's mistakes. They have to think independently and resolve mistakes by themselves.
Finally, children who can correct mistake by themselves are more healthier in mental and physical aspects than those who always rely on their parents. According to the survey conducted by Academic of Social Science, children who are more independently are more stronger when they meet obstacles in life than those who are reliant to their parents. In modern society, people undergo a lot of pressure from different directions, including economy, work, study and so on, as a consequence, ironic will power will play a crucial role in success. Children who always make and correct their own mistakes will have more chances to success because of their strong will power.
In a conclusion, I believe in that parents should let children experience failure and mistakes, as we know, failure is the mother of success. Although the process that children correct their mistakes alone will be longer than that parents help children to deal with, this process is the best chance for children to grow up. Parents should be more patient of children's mistakes and give them more time to understand and learn from mistakes.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-16 15:37
9.16独立作文
Just as an old saying: ideas worth spread, from the history, every technology breakthrough is originated from different opinions. So it's important for us to express our own perspectives even though the others disagree with us, because first it is a human right to state people's opinions and also different opinions play a vital role in exploring fact.
First and foremost, debate is beneficial to detect fact and resolution. That is to say, through different opinions, people will learn more about the world. For instance, Darwin thought that the evolution is gradual, however, some fossil indicates that there is burst change between old and new generation of an specie. So the other scientists stated different opinion that the evolution is burst in short time although Darwin's opinion was prevailling. After several acute debates, more and more scientists focused on the study of evolution, at last, they found that the stability of the environment affects the process of evolution. If the environment is stable, the evolution is gradual whereas the environment strongly alternates, the evolution happens in brief time. If the other scientists hadn't express their different opinion, we would have not found the relationship between environment and evolution. As a result, different ideas frequently spark new theories in variarity areas.
Moreover, to be honest is the prerequisite of all relationship such as spouses, friends and workmates. As we all know, trust is so precious and fragile, even if you don't state your real opinion for one time, your spouse, friends or workmates will know that you are not honest, how can they trust you again? Definitely, people always prefer to make friends with whom always state their real ideas, nobody would like to communicate with people who hidden their honest views. Stating real opinion make communication easier and straightforward which will be benefical to enhance bonds among people. From this point of view, people should always give priority to be honest in all relationships.
Granted, in some situation, in order to prevent dilemma, people will not express their opinion and keep silence. However, to be silence doesn't mean that they will give up expressing their own views. If one of my friends makes a mistake, I wouldn't point out his mistake in public because it will make him feel awkward, as an alternation, I will tell him about my real opinion in private.
In a conclusion, I believe in that there is no better way to enhance the relationship or to explore the world than to state our honest opinions. People who always be honest will obtain the real and beautiful relationship with others. In order to keep finding more rules of universe people should bravely express their different perspectives.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-16 18:33

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-15 15:11
What is the most important objection of education? To enhance the ability of academic of children, t ...

What is the most important objection( 异议，反对；缺陷，缺点) of education? To enhance the ability of academic(不太恰当) of children, to foster children to think independently and to make children be healthy in mental and physical. As an old saying(goes) in my country, to teach people to fish is better than give them fish(背的不太准确). Thus, in my opinion, it is better for parents to let children make and learn from their own mistakes.

First and foremost, When children undergo a failure by themselves, they will be impressed by the experience. There is no better way to learn more from mistake than to experience by one's own. When I was five years old, one day, I did my homework and there was a difficulty(词性) mathematics problem that I could calculate by myself, so(不构成因果关系) my father helped me to deal with it. The next time, I met the same problem, however, I can' t(时态) finish it once again(用的不妥因为上次不是你自己做出来的). Because(because不能引导一句话这是半句话) I can't remember how my father calculated it! After thinking by myself, I resolved this mathematics problem and them I found that it was so easy that I will never feel worried about it. As I have said, when a child resolve a problem by himself/herself, they(指代) will never make the same mistake for the impressed memory.

【这一段你没有明确说明failure是啥根据你的描述你只是暂时忘记怎么做出来的但是自己一做又想起来了。因为你说"mathematics problem that I could calculate by myself" 所以谈不上failure。例子无法支撑论点。并且例子内部有点矛盾】

Moreover, to give(giving) children more space to make and learn(learning) from their own mistake will be beneficial for them to think independently. And(最好不用and开头) it's crucial for children to think by themselves.(这句话有点重复) When children grow up, they will have their own life, establishing a family, fostering (注意并列的词性)their own children. And parents will leave some day, as a result, the parents can't always correct children's mistakes. They have to think independently and resolve mistakes by themselves. (这句话依然没什么意义)

【这一段你没有说明孩子如何变得independent这个过程。你光说通过解决问题能培养这个能力 how？没有例子啊。父母会离开啥啥啥的和你的论点没有关系你的重点应该放在孩子身上以及需要充分证明独立思考这个问题。论述依旧不够有力。需要细节】

Finally, children who can correct mistake by themselves are more healthier in mental and physical aspects than those who always rely on their parents. According to the survey conducted by Academic of Social Science, children who are more independently are more stronger when they meet obstacles(GOOD) in life than those who are reliant to(这个表达正确么?) their parents(比较不太好你比较的是“是否依赖家长的孩子” 这个mistake没啥关系). In modern society, people undergo a lot of pressure from different directions, including economy, work, study and so on, as a consequence, ironic will power will play(这是啥) a crucial role in success. 【为何两者之间会有因果联系你得说明白也许困难让人更加沮丧呢？ironic用词不好。还有你依旧没有提到mistake】Children who always make and correct their own mistakes will have more chances to success because of their strong will power(good).只是末尾呼应了一下开头木有啥意义因为论述根本没有提到mental health & physical health. 说实话真的不太扣题。

In a conclusion, I believe in that parents should let children experience failure and mistakes, as we know, failure is the mother of success(没有连词这是一个完整句子). Although the process that children correct their mistakes alone will be longer than that(that指什么你自己清楚么？) parents help children to deal with, this process is the best chance for children to grow up. Parents should be more patient of(TO) children's mistakes and give them more time to understand and learn from mistakes.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-16 20:27

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-16 18:33
What is the most important objection( 异议，反对；缺陷，缺点) of education? To enhance ...

改得好认真，感动得泪流满面，在工作的间隙写出来的东西的确很粗糙，每个论点都没有很好的挖掘。多谢你的批阅，受益匪浅！

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2014-9-17 23:58
9.16 独立修改
LZ提升空间很大的

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-18 16:52
现在越来越多的人把钱花在宠物上面了,尽管钱还有好多其他的用途.

In the modern society, people are undergoing a wealth of pressure from different directions, including study, work, economy and so on. They need to relieve such psychological strain. As a result, more and more people have kept pets and spent much money on their pets. In my opinion, I totally agree with spending money on pets cause these lovely creatures drive off people's loneliness, lift their masters' spirit and also expending on pets could afford job opportunities and boost economic development.
First and foremost, as pets are so cute and well-behaved, they play more and more crucial role in our daily life. Not only do they make us feel happy but also they accompany us through the lonely time. One of my neighbors is an old woman, living alone. She has a yellow dog. Just like old friends, every morning, she takes the dog to a nearby market, buying some food for herself and purchasing dog food and snacks for her dog. One day, the old woman tumbled in her apartment and could not stand up. The dog barked loudly out of the window. The district administrator was appealed by the bark of the dog and helped the old woman. From this point, it's worthwhile for us to spend money on our pets since they are like family members of us.
Moreover, nowadays, people are concerned about pets' health and appearance, as a consequence, there are so many pets hospitals, pets groceries and pets beauty salons which afford a lot of jobs. The industry of pets greatly generates employment opportunities and boosts economic development. According to a report published in the journal of social science in 2013, pets industry created 2 million new jobs which were 20 percent of all new jobs in Shanghai that year. Thanks to people who expense on their pets, people have more and more chances to obtain jobs.
Granted, it's arguable that people could spend money on their pets. However, we find that after every Christmas day, a lot of animals are abandoned. People are not supposed to buy pets just as gifts, once you purchase these creatures, you should take care of them as long as possible.
In conclusion, I believe that we should make our pets more comfortable and healthier since they afford us consolation and comfort. I totally agree with spending money on pets, but I strongly reject the behavior that considering pets as gifts.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-20 20:57

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-18 16:52
现在越来越多的人把钱花在宠物上面了,尽管钱还有好多其他的用途.

In the modern society, people are unde ...

作文修改

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-22 17:22

一个大学为了吸引好学生，花很多钱给学生组织社会实践

When it comes to the issue that whether a university issupposed to spend lots of money on organizing social practice in order toappeal excellent students, people have different opinions, some agree with thepreference of social practice while the others think that good students willpay more attention to teacher resources and academic ranking. On a personallevel, I consider that whether a university should expense on social practiceactually depends on the situation.

On one hand, in the sake of attracting outstanding businessstudents, there is no doubt that a university ought to invest in organizingsocial practice. As we all know, there is no better way to foster businesssense than to participate in commercial activities in society. Only learningbusiness theories, students cannot obtain completely concept of business andenhance their ability of analyzing. I was a business student, what I learnedfrom professors was the theoretical knowledge, explanations of all economicphenomenon and business cases in the past. Not until I began to work did Irealize that requirements of clients are so various that I cannot deal withthem just depending on what I had learned in the university. If I had takenpart in some social practices, I would have learned more about business andaccumulated more experiences. Moreover, social practice will afford moreopportunities for students to communicate with people in formal ways. The abilityof efficient communication plays an essential ingredient in business, forbusiness are in fact negotiations among people with differentperspectives.

On the other hand, according to students of sciences, nothingis more important than research laboratories which have advanced apparatus. Onthe contrary, social practice has a slight influence on their study. Becausesciences students concentrate on scientific research, they will spend a wealthof time in laboratories. My brother learned botany, he told me that when heobserved cell splitting, the accuracy of microscope straightly influenced thequality of the experiment. The more precise the microscope is, the moreaccurate the data will be generated. However, students on sciences could nottake advantage of social practice to enhance abilities of scientific research. Asa consequence, to appeal more elite in sciences, a university should beconcerned about scientific research and spare no effort to build a laboratorywith international advanced level.

In conclusion, I believe that whether a university shouldinvest in social practices to fascinate great students really depends on whatthe students focus on.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-23 19:59
20年后人们有更多的休息时间
Have you ever imagined what life will be in the 20 years？With the development of technology and the delegation of responsibilities, people have been enjoying more easy and quick life than ever before. It is universally acknowledged that as time goes by, people will explore every avenue forward advanced technology and division of labor based on specialization. Thus there is no doubt that people will have much more leisure time in the future.
First and foremost, owning to such progressive technology, people will dramatically enhance the productivity and efficiency in 20 years, as a result, they could spend more time on recess than the counterparts are doing now. With the invention of the latest printing technology, which is called 3D, the production processes of a bicycle part have been shortened to one third of the traditional processes. As printing technology is more and more sophisticated, there is reason to believe that in the 20 years, the production of processes of a bicycle part could simplify to a greater degree. So simplified are the processes that people who produce bicycles could reduce tremendous working time and have more rests. Moreover, in the past, we had to spend 24 hours travelling from Nanjing to Beijing by train, in contrary, nowadays, we just need 4 hours to go to Beijing from Nanjing by high-speed rail. In the future, the speed of rail could reach to 700 kilometers an hour, at that time, people might use 2 hours from Nanjing to Beijing. Then, there could be much more time saving for relaxation. People could roam the street, tasting delicious snack and enjoying delightful landscape. How pleasure they could be!
Meanwhile, in the future, the division of labor will be more professional and detailed which enable people to reduce time spending on domestic chores. Every day after my work, I have to buy my own groceries and cook for my family, we prefer to have dinner at home since home affords us more privacy and calm environment than restaurant, after dinner, my husband is bound to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. How we are eager to indulge ourselves in watching TV or listening to music. In the 20 years, due to appeal more customers, groceries or restaurants are supposed to supply cooked dishes so that people could save cooking time to have some entertainment.
In a conclusion, I believe that 20 years later, by state-of-the-art equipment and optimization of labor resources, people could have more rest and amusement.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-23 22:45

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-23 19:59
20年后人们有更多的休息时间
Have you ever imagined what life will be in the 20 years？With the develo ...

20年后人们有更多的休息时间
Have you ever imagined what life will be in the 20 years？With the development of technology and the delegation of responsibilities(?), people have been enjoying more easy(easier) and quick(quicker) life than ever before. It is universally acknowledged that as time goes by, people will explore every avenue forward,(?) advanced technology and division of labor(?) based on specialization.(你这几个并列没太懂....) Thus there is no doubt that people will have much more leisure time in the future.

First and foremost, owning to such(前面最好有例子可是你的都在上一段了不太好) progressive technology, people will dramatically enhance the productivity and efficiency in 20 years, as a result(我记得不是连词前面应该加个and吧), they could spend more time on recess(意思不对有更多休息时间是结果不是你主动花时间的地方) than the counterparts are doing(和前面的时间状语不一样) now. With the invention of the latest printing technology, which is called 3D, the production processes(太中式翻译了吧..) of a bicycle part have been shortened(时间被缩短了) to one third of the(time)对比的是生产所用的时间 traditional processes. As printing technology is more and more sophisticated, there is reason to believe that in the 20 years, the production of processes of a bicycle part could simplify to a greater degree.(基本在重复前面的话没啥意义) So simplified(我赶脚着不能这样用吧感觉只能放adj表语) are the processes that people who produce bicycles could reduce tremendous working time and have more rests. Moreover, in the past, we had to spend 24 hours travelling from Nanjing to Beijing by train, in contrary, nowadays, we just need 4 hours to go to Beijing from Nanjing by high-speed rail. In the future, the speed of rail could reach to 700 kilometers an hour, at that time, people might use 2 hours from Nanjing to Beijing（两个地点出现次数太多了- -）. Then, there could be much more time saving for relaxation. People could roam the street, tasting delicious snack and enjoying delightful landscape. How pleasure they could be! 因为高铁--->休息时间长感觉有点别扭。而且我觉得你应该从效率提高角度说这个问题效率提高--->休息时间增多了我是这样想的.....怎么感觉没有表达出来意思....

Meanwhile, in the future, the division of labor will be more professional and detailed(工作细分好像不是这样说的吧) which enableS people to reduce time spending on domestic chores. Every day after my work, I have to buy my own groceries and cook for my family, （连词）we prefer to have dinner at home since home affords us more privacy and calm environment than restaurant, （新的一句话）after dinner, my husband is bound to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. How we are eager to indulge ourselves in watching TV or listening to music.（没太懂反问句？） In the 20 years, due to（加名词） appeal more customers, groceries or restaurants are supposed to supply cooked dishes so that people could save cooking time to have some entertainment. 有点跑题和groceries没啥关系

这一段你发现你几乎没放在重点么？首先你得工作细分--->做家务时间减少有点不太好理解其次你得说出来做家务减少能导致休息时间增多。还有你的论述应该围绕如何细分工作的导致最后的结果。其他的可以不说。例子不够典型生动
In a conclusion, I believe that 20 years later, by state-of-the-art equipment and optimization of labor resources, people could have more rest and amusement.

作者: amylala3 时间: 2014-9-24 09:34
一个大学为了吸引好学生，花很多钱给学生组织社会实践

When it comes to the issue that whether a university issupposed to spend lots of money on organizing social practice in order toappeal excellent students, people have different opinions, (应为句号，句子有点长，长句子不错可是这个句子没亮点就显得冗长)some agree with thepreference of social practice while the others think that good students willpay more attention to teacher resources and academic ranking. On a personallevel, I consider that whether（or not） a university should expense on social practiceactually depends on the situation.

On one hand, in(for) the sake of attracting outstanding businessstudents, there is no doubt that a university ought to invest in organizingsocial practice. As we all know, there is no better way to foster businesssense than to participate in commercial activities in society. Only learningbusiness theories, students cannot obtain completely concept of business andenhance their ability of analyzing. I was a business student, what I learnedfrom professors was the theoretical knowledge, explanations of all economicphenomenon and business cases in the past. Not until I began to work 少逗号did Irealize that requirements of clients are so various that I cannot deal withthem just depending on what I had learned in the university. If I had takenpart in some social practices, I would have learned more about business andaccumulated more experiences. Moreover, social practice will afford moreopportunities for students to communicate with people in formal ways. The abilityof efficient communication plays（is比较好，或play a role） an essential ingredient in business, forbusiness are in fact negotiations among people with differentperspectives.

On the other hand, according to（根据？你是想说“对于”吧？） students of sciences, nothingis more important than research laboratories which have advanced apparatus. Onthe contrary, social practice has a slight influence on their study. Becausesciences students concentrate on scientific research, they will spend a wealthof time in laboratories. My brother learned botany, he told me that when heobserved cell splitting, the accuracy of microscope straightly influenced thequality of the experiment. The more precise the microscope is, the moreaccurate the data will be generated. However, students on sciences could nottake advantage of social practice to enhance abilities of scientific research. Asa consequence, to appeal more elite in sciences, a university should beconcerned about scientific research and spare no effort to build a laboratorywith international advanced level.
In conclusion, I believe that whether a university shouldinvest in social practices to fascinate great students really depends on whatthe students focus on.（仓促哈，升华一下比较好，这样的结尾纵然不扣分，也不会加分的）
挺好的，没啥错误，如果是限时30分打出来的那就很棒哈哈。但是最大的问题是折中式也要有偏重点，而且段落过少，每条观点都只有一个理由作支撑，这样一定会被判为论证不足的，一旦被判为论证不足，作文分就会在21上下波动

。建议买些作文书看吧，多多模仿一下范文哈，最后这篇作文单词level没上去哈，我也考完GMAT了，GMAT不考单词，但是托福单词很重要。

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-24 16:07
恩，多谢亲的细心修改，我感觉多看些范文确实有必要，另外词汇量的确小，很多时候都不知道怎么表达，唉，还有一个月，加油吧

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-25 17:40

most people do not count on government for help because theythink that it is always better to either do things on their own or to ask forhelp from their family.

If you are confronted with a obstacle, where would you like to search for help? When it comes to such an issue, people have different opinions. Most people will prefer to deal with by themselves or find help from family members rather than depend on government. On a personal level, I totally agree with this view. The reasons are presented below.
First and foremost, one of the primary reasons why people couldn't rely on government to deal with their own problems is that the government serves as an administrator of a country. It has so many kinds of problems to resolve, including international commerce, unemployment rate, the development of economy , conservation of resources and so on. How could you look forward it to help you solve your private matters? Moreover, government takes charge of the benefits of all people in a country, optimizing the allocation of resources. When an individual asks it for help, it is hard for the government to decide whether or not to give help. Because the decision that does good to some people might does harm to the others. Owning to the responsibility of government, in searching a help from it that is, plenty have tried, but few have succeeded.
On the contrary, people could always obtain selfishness help from family members or overcome difficulties by their own. There is no denying that we all are likely to confront varieties of obstacles in our lifetime, and the most efficient way to resolve them is to depend on family members or their own power. Taking my sister for instance, last year, she unfortunately encountered a fatal accident when driving on the highway. For the sake of saving her, our family took her to the best hospital in Beijing. So expensive is the treatment that she almost cannot afford a fraction of the cost. At this moment, all of my family members do our utmost to contribute to the cost of therapy. Thanks to our concerted efforts, my sister has recovered totally after a year of treatment. If she counted to the help of government, she would have missed the best treatment opportunity.
Granted, when people face some difficulties that are encountered by most people such as pollution of the air, natural hazards and so forth, they could totally search for help from the government. Meanwhile, government will explore every avenue toward resolutions. However, given some private affairs, people should spare no effort to deal with such obstacles.
Contemplating all of these factors, we could easily reach a reasonable conclusion that people are supposed to either resolve problems by themselves or seek help from their family rather than depend on government. As a result, the society will become more and more harmony.

作者: angla 时间: 2014-9-27 12:33
thanks very much

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-27 17:56
谢谢美眉细心的修改，我去找个高级词汇背一下，不然老是用不到。

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-28 15:47
business to successful, must put more money in advertising.

Plenty have tried, but few have succeeded, in establishing a business that is. So we just have to wonder what is the key factors leading to a successful business? Some people argue that to make business successful. People must spend more money on advertising. On a personal level, I quite disagree with this opinion. In fact, the key factor of a successful business is dependent on the stage of a business. The different stage when a business is in requires a corresponding key factor. The reasons are presented below.
First and foremost, When a business is initiated, the quality of the products or services plays most vital role in successful business. At this time, most customers are not familiar with the products or services afforded by this business. For the sake of good reputation, the business ought to do its utmost to elevate the quality of products or services. Taking my brother's company for an instance, his factory is adept at producing efficient light bulb. However, at the initial time, no one was inclined to buy his bulb. So he decided to supply free trial to these targeted customers such as office building, garage and so forth. After a month, these targeted customers found that these efficient light bulbs have not only great qualities but also good commands of electrical energy conservation. As a result, they all became loyal customers of my brother's bulb.
What's more, in a mature stage of a business, the most important way to maintain success is to continuously innovate. The ability of creating is a main driving force behind competence. Although iphone has occupied the major market of smart phone, Apple always spares no effort to innovation. In 2014, it developed a new kind of product--- iphone 6 plus, in order to rival with Sumsung in the market of large screen smart phone.
Granted, there is no denying that advertising is a necessary method in successful business. By advertising, a company can enable more and more people know about its chop. However, at bottom a successful advertisement is based on the guarantee of superior quality and ingenuity. Without high quality products and creativity, a company will never receive continued success even if it puts more and more money in advertisement.
Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach a reasonable conclusion that only focusing on productivity and creativity could a business acquire constant success. So important are these two key factors that all of the businesses are supposed to concentrate on them.

作者: ForTheAC 时间: 2014-9-29 17:53
9.28 独立修改

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-29 18:52
这个题目是花更多的钱在广告上，我是想表达商业初期最重要的是产品质量，商业成熟期最重要的是创新，都不是广告，不过你说的对，应该在每一段都提一下和广告的对比神马的会更清晰，非常感谢！

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-7 16:01

TOPIC: your job has more effect on your happiness than your sociallife does

ESSAY:

First and foremost, so of cheerfulness, the more it is given,the more it remains. My job is to analyze customers' financial data andrecommend suitable financial products to them, that is to say, I am responsiblefor helping my customers resolve problems. Last month, one of my customersasked me to help his overseas company get a loan from abroad banks, however theoverseas company does not have any real estate which is a prerequisite toobtain loan from any abroad banks. In order to solve this obstacle, I analyzedall policies of credit commitment in my bank. Finally, I suggested that thecustomer open an letter of financial guarantee from a domestic bank and gainloan from an abroad bank using this guarantee as a collateral. The customersuccessfully copes with such problem because of my advice. This project gave meimmense euphoria. In the contrary, when I undergo some social life such aschatting with my friends, I feel comfort and easy, however, I can't experiencethe same happiness as that in my job.

What's more, through my job, my co-workers become my friends,merging social life and work life into one. After graduation, most of myfriends are my co-workers. When facing up to tremendous pressure in the work,we together rise to the occasion and tough it out; When achieving huge success,we embrace each others, laughing and jumping like kids; After working, it iscustomary for us to go to a bar nearby workplace, drinking beer with the guys.Thanks to my co-workers, I have so much immortal happiness from within.

Granted, social life plays a crucial role in gaininghappiness since people are prone to living in groups. However, people are usedto lose track of time when they participate in social activities. For instance,people tend to be addicted to playing video games with friends, as aconsequence, they usually regret for wasting valuable time.

Contemplating all these factors, we could easily reach to aconclusion that in comparison to social life, my job plays a more importantrole in making happiness. Not only does my job bring me a cheerful mood butalso it contains various social life.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-10-8 23:01

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-7 16:01
TOPIC: your job has more effect on your happiness than your sociallife doesESSAY:
So precious is hap ...

So precious is happyness that all people in the world arecontinuously seeking for it. When it comes to the cause of happiness, peoplehave a variety of opinions, on a personal level, I select to believe that thereis no better way to obtain happiness than to work hard and gain success. In theother word, I agree that my job has more positive（应该是更多的 happiness） influence on my happiness thanmy social life does.

First and foremost, so of cheerfulness, the more it is given,the more it remains. My job is to analyze customers' financial data andrecommend suitable financial products to them, that is to say, I am responsiblefor helping my customers resolve problems. Last month, one of my customersasked me to help his overseas company get a loan from abroad banks, however theoverseas company does not have any real estate which is a prerequisite toobtain loan from any abroad banks. In order to solve this obstacle, I analyzedall policies of credit commitment in my bank. Finally, I suggested that thecustomer open an letter of financial guarantee from a domestic bank and gainloan from an abroad bank using this guarantee as a collateral. The customersuccessfully copes with such problem because of my advice. This project gave meimmense euphoria.（关于happiness应该再侧重一下） In the contrary, when I undergo some social life such aschatting with my friends, I feel comfort and easy, however, I can't experiencethe same happiness as that in my job. 有一点点跑题你应该侧重 更多的 快乐

What's more, through my job, my co-workers become my friends,merging social life and work life into one. After graduation, most of myfriends are my co-workers. When facing up to tremendous pressure in the work,we together rise to the occasion and tough it out; When achieving huge success,we embrace each others, laughing and jumping like kids; After working, it is customary for us to go to a bar nearby workplace, drinking beer with the guys.Thanks to my co-workers, I have so much immortal happiness from within. 如果不太深究没什么问题吧但是我仍然感觉你应该侧重一方面说工作的好处是social life带来不了的（其实我真的不知道social life到底指什么具体的...伦家没有感受过...）

Granted, social life plays a crucial role in gaininghappiness since people are prone to living in groups（工作难道就不可以了么？？）. However, people are usedto lose track of time when they participate in social activities（社交活动是不是那种很social的还是这种和朋友很休闲的？？）. For instance,people tend to be addicted to playing video games with friends, as aconsequence, they usually regret for wasting valuable time. 本文重点是happiness 和浪费时间不一样的概念

Contemplating all these factors, we could easily reach to aconclusion that in comparison to social life, my job plays a more importantrole in making happiness. Not only does my job bring me a cheerful mood butalso it contains various social life.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-9 08:34
恩，多谢美眉的修改。我感觉题目说的是对比社交生活，工作对快乐有更大的影响（more effect）并不等同于工作能带来更多的欢乐,所以我的第一个观点是工作带来的快乐是社交无法比拟的，第二个观点是很多社交活动都是基于工作的，因此工作对快乐的影响更大。最后一个让步没有表达清楚，应该再强调一下在社交生活中容易让人失去对时间的控制从而后悔，而后悔则大大降低了社交带来的欢乐。

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-9 10:06
独立10.08

TOPIC:

some people say that students should study many lessons during a semester, but others say that it is better for students to just take three or four lessons. which do you think is better.

ESSAY:

First and foremost, there is no doubt that to master newknowledge. Students should spend a long spell of time on learning it. So of newabilities, the more you practice, the more you acquire. According to a study conducted by Academic of Social Science, in generally, people are bound to spend at least 100 hours on learning a new skill then they could have a good command of it. It is universally acknowledged that students who have many lessons will spend much less time on every class than those who just take three or four lessons do. What's the good of learning more but acquiring less?

What's more, students can only concentrate on a few oflessons because of limited energy. In addition to classes, so various are assignments and tasks that students ought to do their utmost to finish. For instance, a student who takes a business class will cope with the assignment such as conducting research about the economic situation of the apparel industry in Shanghai. To finish such task, a student has to spare no effort to collect and analyze data, sometimes, they even need to construct a computer model to predict the economic tendency of the industry. However, for our limited energy, we couldn't focus on so many classes and tasks.

Granted, some exuberant students are able to take more than four lessons during a semester. It's arguable that people have different abilities. Thus taking many lessons will do good to some people while do harm to others. For the sake of efficiency, there are several kinds of electives during a semester. So students who can learn more courses could sign up more electives.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach to a conclusion that there is no better way to master new knowledge than to concentrate on it and for students' limited time and energy they'd better take three or four lessons during a semester. After all, we should give priority to the aim that is to strongly acquire new knowledge.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-9 10:07
综合10.8

The reading passage argues that it's beneficial to plant genetically modified trees on alarge area. However, the professor holds a totally different view that planting trees with genetic modification might cause a lot of problems. She provides some evidence to support her conclusion.

First, although the genetically modified trees are designed to resistant to one kind of virusinfection, because of their uniform gene, these trees are more susceptible tothe natural disaster. That is to say, when these trees confront with threaten such as the other kind of virus inspect, they will probably be wiped out. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, the passage claims that genetically modified trees can make a great economic benefits to farmers. Nonetheless, the professor refutes the idea completely.According to certain rules, farmers have to pay for the expensive seeds of genetically modified trees instead of collecting tree seeds for free. In addition,because of the first reason the professor conveyed, the farmers are likely to suffer large economic lost.

Third, geneticallymodified trees grow more aggressively, in the other words, they will invade the areas where local wild trees are planted in. As a result, local wild trees will be threatened with these genetically modified trees. This point strongly opposes the final claim in the passage.

Thus, the professor clearly points out the weak links in the passage and convincingly shows that the main topic of the passage is unwarranted.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-10 08:51
独立写作10.9

TOPIC: the best way to learn about a foreign country is toread the newspaper and magazines from that country.

ESSAY:
Nowadays, the world has become more and more globalization. So prevalent isinternational communication that it's worthwhile for us to learn more aboutforeign countries. So how can we know about a foreign country effectively andaccurately? Media such as newspaper and magazines from that country seems to bea good method if people are familiar with the local language and culture andthe media is objective and neutral. However, in reality, it's difficult tosatisfy all of the standards addressed above.

In a personal level, I don't think that newspaper andmagazines are the best way to know about a foreign country. The reasons arepresented below.

First and foremost, it's unlikely for people to masterlanguages of every foreign country. Although there is a wealth of articles andstories about the country, owing to the barrier of language, people can hardlyunderstand what the meanings of those articles and stories. For instance, I aminterested in Japan but I cannot understand Japanese. So under no circumstancecould I comprehend what those Japanese newspaper and magazines express. InsteadI read a book named The Chrysanthemum and the Sword written by a socialist ofAmerica. This book is imbued with accurate analysis of Japanese culture,customs and history. From this book, I can know well about Japan and put thecountry in perspective.

What's more, it's universally acknowledged that there is alot riding on the media and in some situation newspaper and magazines no longeract simply as objective and neutral carriers of facts. From newspaper of NorthKorea, we all know that this country is filled with harmony and the people ofNorth Korea are the happiest human in the world. In fact, people who escapedfrom the country tell us different stories. If we believe in that the best wayto know a foreign country is to glance over the local media, we woulddefinitely agree that North Korea is so beautiful that we are supposed totravel there. So what's the good of depending on newspaper and magazines from aforeign country?

Granted, there is no denying that newspaper and magazines indeedcontain a lot of information about food, culture and custom of a foreigncountry. Providing that we already master the language of a foreign country andthe media is relatively objective, browsing newspaper and magazines of thecountry could be an effective and convenient way to learn about the country.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach areasonable conclusion that in most of the time it's not the best method for usto read newspaper and magazines from a foreign country in order to be familiarwith the country. Fortunately, owing to the state-of-the-art equipments,nowadays, there are more and more great ways to know about a foreign country.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-10-10 17:28

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-9 08:34
恩，多谢美眉的修改。我感觉题目说的是对比社交生活，工作对快乐有更大的影响（more effect）并不等同于工 ...

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-10-10 17:46

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-9 10:06
独立10.08

TOPIC: some people say that students should study many lessons during a semester, but oth ...

As we all know students are likely to obtain new knowledge and abilities by taking lessons in school. Some people always argue that students are supposed to take lessons as more as possible during a semester in order to be erudite. However, they ignore some key factors which will probably give rise to a failure of learning. On a personal level, I agree that it's worthwhile for students to take three or four lessons during a semester. The reasons are presented below.

First and foremost, there is no doubt that to master newknowledge. Students should spend a long spell of time9spell(固定搭配?) on learning it. So of new abilities, the more you practice, the more you acquire. According to a study conducted by Academic of Social Science, in generally, people are bound to spend at least 100 hours on learning a new skill then they could have a good command of it. It is universally acknowledged that students who have many lessons will spend much less time（why？为什么学多了就会花时间少？这个表述有点歧义你最好解释一句！我的理解为学的多复习时间少了？可能你不是这个意思，但是总有人会不知疲倦的学习，所以我觉得时间不是问题。要不然你就解释清楚。） on every class than those who just take three or four lessons do. What's the good of learning more but acquiring less?

What's more, students can only concentrate on a few of lessons because of limited energy. In addition to classes, so various are assignments and tasks that students ought to do their utmost to finish. For instance, a student who takes a business class will cope with the assignment such as conducting research about the economic situation of the apparel industry in Shanghai. To finish such task, a student has to spare no effort to collect and analyze data, sometimes, they even need to construct a computer model to predict the economic tendency of the industry. However, for our limited energy,（其实你还是没说清楚为何energy limited 你只说了要完成task怎么招怎么招我觉得没有到让energylimited的程度。你可以多说一些事情，用数量多给人一种事情确实多确实费劲的感觉。或者举自己的例子体力透支之类的= =） we couldn't focus on so many classes（你这一段并没有说更多的classes） and tasks（没有到so many的程度你只说了for instance后面一种task）.

Granted, some exuberant students are able to take more than four lessons during a semester. It's arguable that people have different abilities. Thus taking many lessons will do good to some people while do harm to others. For the sake of efficiency, there are several kinds of electives during a semester. So students who can learn more courses could sign up more electives.偏中立观点在一边倒的作文中尽量不要出现。

Contemplating （不知道这样用对不对）all of these factors, we can easily reach to a conclusion that there is no better way to master new knowledge than to concentrate on it and for students' limited time and energy they'd better take three or four lessons during a semester. After all, we should give priority to the aim that is to strongly acquire new knowledge.

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-10-10 18:02

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-10 08:51
独立写作10.9

TOPIC: the best way to learn about a foreign country is toread the newspaper and magaz ...

Nowadays, the world has become more and more globalization（觉得说的有点Chinglish 你可以说全球化的趋势越来越明显套用某个高级句型）. So prevalent is international communication that it's worthwhile for us to learn more aboutforeign countries. So how can we know about a foreign country effectively andaccurately? Media such as newspaper and magazines from that country seems to bea good method if people are familiar with the local language and culture andthe media is objective and neutral. However, in reality, it's difficult to satisfy all of the standards addressed above.
In a personal level, I don't think that newspaper andmagazines are the best way to know about a foreign country. The reasons are presented below.

First and foremost, it's unlikely for people to master languages of every foreign country. Although there is a wealth of articles andstories about the country, owing to the barrier of language, people can hardlyunderstand what the meanings of those articles and stories. For instance, I aminterested in Japan but I cannot understand Japanese. So under no circumstancecould I comprehend what those Japanese newspaper and magazines express. Instead I read a book named The Chrysanthemum and the Sword written by a socialist ofAmerica. This book is imbued with（字面意思理解不知道用在这是是否合适） accurate analysis of Japanese culture,customs and history. From this book, I can know well about Japan and put thecountry in perspective.

咋说呢你的主题句说的是不可能掌握所有的外国语言，本段的末尾是你通过别的外国语言的书了解到了某个国家。这一段可以再完善一些吧？

What's more, it's universally acknowledged that there is a lot riding on(?) the media and in some situation （少个连词？）newspaper and magazines no longer act simply as objective and neutral carriers of facts. From newspaper of NorthKorea, we all know that this country is filled with harmony and the people ofNorth Korea are the happiest human in the world. In fact, people who escapedfrom the country tell us different stories（重点就在这个different story 你咋就不多解释几句呢！！！）. If we believe in that the best wayto know a foreign country is to glance over the local media（比如？ps 你觉得北京晚报和人民日报说的不一样么？我觉得这一点我不是很理解）, （加一句如果local这么说然后）we woulddefinitely agree that North Korea is so beautiful that we are supposed totravel there. So what's the good of depending on newspaper and magazines from aforeign country?

Granted, there is no denying that newspaper and magazines indeedcontain a lot of information about food, culture and custom of a foreigncountry. Providing that we already master the language of a foreign country andthe media is relatively objective（赶脚着这不是让步的味... 让步是那种自我驳斥的感觉。我觉得你可以说，报纸可以provide XXX，但是电影也能provide XXX，反而更好地能体现XXX）, browsing newspaper and magazines of thecountry could be an effective and convenient way to learn about the country.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach areasonable conclusion that in most of the time it's not the best method for usto read newspaper and magazines from a foreign country in order to be familiarwith the country. Fortunately, owing to the state-of-the-art equipments,nowadays, there are more and more great ways to know about a foreign country.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-11 14:52
多谢提醒，花了点时间终于搞清楚让步段该怎么写了

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-11 16:58

Which way would you like to take to improve your health?
A eatmore healthy food
B do more exercise
Creduce stress

As the modern society develops, people have undergone tremendous pressure from various directions and been tempted by sufficient gourmet food. Apparently, the viewer is not aware that we will lose track of body weight. So it's very important for us to keep fit. On a personal level, exercising does a great deal to improve my health.

In the first place, it's arguable that doing exercise enables people to relieve stress. Without pressure people will be more close to health.There is no better way to relax myself than to do exercise. Every week, I continuously participate in the class of Latin dance. Music of Latin dance is imbued with enthusiasm and energy. As long as the music starts, I can indulge myself in dancing. After two hours practices, under no circumstance could I feel any pressure although so tired am I that I can hardly stagger to my feet.Moreover, communicating with people who exercise together is a good way to reduce fatigue. After class, it is customary for us to discuss the dance moves and correct the mistakes. Some people would like to perform a phrase of dance.The others will encourage them by applauding. How happy time we have! From exercise, not only do I reduce pressure but also I obtain a wealth of happiness.

In the second place, there is no denying that keeping exercise will do good to our health.Because exercise could boost blood circulation and fuel a lot of extra fat. According to the study conducted by Academic of Social and Science, the amount of calories that burned up when people sport is two times the amount of calories that fueled in daily life. It's universally acknowledged that extra fat is closely related to disease such as obesity and diabetes. In addition,exercise plays a crucial role in keeping slim figure. As we all know that people with slim figure seem to be more attractive and graceful. For the sake of health, people are supposed to spare no effort to do more exercise.

Given all of these factors I have outlined above, we can easily reach a reasonable conclusion that the optimal access to health is to do more exercise. The more we exercise, the more we will be healthy. If people pay more attention to exercise, they will be more healthy. As a result, the cost of medicine will be dramatically reduced and our society will be full of cheerfulness.

作者: angla 时间: 2014-10-13 15:00
sorry for late！

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-13 16:02
谢谢美眉的点评，非常有用的建议，另外没有语法错误是因为我复查的结果

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-13 17:35
独立作文10.13

topic:

Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and letthem learn from their own mistakes

essay:

Historically, we, human beings, are continuously undergoingthe process from making mistakes to achieving success. By making mistakes,people could obtain wisdom which will lead to the final success. By the sametoken, when it comes to child education, there is no doubt that it isbeneficial for children to make mistakes and learn from their own mistakes.

In the first place, it's universally acknowledged that makingand learning from their own mistakes enables children to obtain impressiveexperience which will do good to their next solution of obstacle. In other words, there isno better way to be smarter than to make and learn from mistakes. Parentssacrifice a part of themselves for the betterment of their children. If theyare aware of the importance of mistakes, they could definitely permit theirchildren to make mistakes. This point can be best illustrated with the case ofme. When I was in junior school, most female students, including me, wereaddicted to romantic novels. Not only did we read novels after class but alsoin class. My parents didn't prevent me from wasting valuable time on suchuseless books. On the contrary, they allowed me to make such mistake. As aresult, I got a poor score in my final examination and then I realized what wasthe most important to me. Therefore I abandoned all of my romantic novels andconcentrated on my study. In contrast, my classmates were dramaticallyforbidden to read novels by their parents. They didn't suffer the academicfailure by their own and they never stopped to read more novels. What's thegood of preventing children from making mistakes?

In the second place, there is no denying that out of mistakescomes the ability of independent. Because of parents' protection, childrennever allowed to make mistakes will be overly depend on their parents. Under nocircumstance could they rely on themselves to cope with problems. In fact, whenchildren make mistakes, they can learn how to rise to the occasion, what themethod to deal with mistakes and who they can seek for help. All of theseinformation plays a crucial role in coping with another obstacle. Therefore,children who make and experience their own mistakes will be more confident andindependent in comparison to those under overly protection.

Granted, letting children make mistakes also has somenegative effects, for instance there are indeed existing some fatal mistakessuch as playing fire or making dangerous movements. However, as long as parentscould pay more attention and give useful suggestions to their children, theproblem will be avoided.

Given all these factors I have outlined, we can easily reacha reasonable conclusion that parents are supposed to have tolerant attitudes tochildren's mistakes and let their children learn more from mistakes alone.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-14 16:28
独立写作10.14

TOPIC:

For success in school and work, the ability to adapt or toadjust to a changing condition or circumstances is more important than havingexcellent knowledge of a job or a field to study

ESSAY:

Evidently, the road to success is full of thorns. For thesake of success, people should be able to adapt to a mutable condition and haveexcellent knowledge. However, when these two factors are mutually exclusive, Iprefer the good adaptability to excellent knowledge. The reasons are presentedbelow.

In the first place, when we face up with a variety ofobstacles in reality, the ability to adaptation plays a more important role insuccess than excellent knowledge does. Apparently, there are some conditions outof our expectation. Under no circumstance could we obtain all of the excellentknowledge to deal with those unexpectedly problems. On the contrary, if we havethe ability to adjust to a changing condition, we could definitely straightenout the confusion situations and successfully cope with obstacles. This pointcan be best illustrated with the case of me. One of my clients asked me to helphis overseas company get a loan from a bank abroad. However, the overseascompany does not have any real estate which is the prerequisite for bank loans.More awfully, my client also does not have a credit commitment in my bank.Neither have I confront such problem nor my colleagues have. At this moment,all of my financial knowledge became useless. Fortunately, thanks to my abilityof adaptation, I concentrated on researching all policies of credit commitmentin my bank and finally I found a method to resolve this difficulty. At last, myclient's company succeeded in obtaining a loan from a Korean bank using an internationalletter of financial guarantee as a collateral. It's hard to overstate thesignificance of the ability to adapt to a mutable condition.

In the second place, as we are in such a changing world,there is no denying that knowledge is dramatically altered from day to day.It's possible that excellent knowledge of today might be outdated tomorrow. Andit is the vital reason why Nokia lost most of its market share of the cellphone. Undoubtedly, a decade ago Nokia had excellent knowledge and state-of-the-arttechnology of cell phone. However, because of lacking the ability to adapt tothe changing market, finally, Nokia could not retrieve its market share.Therefore, as knowledge advanced by leaps and bounds, we ought to spare noeffort to elevate the adaptation ability to reach successful goal.

Given all these factors I have outlined, we could easilyreach a reasonable conclusion that there is no better way to succeed than to begood adaptability. The more adaptable you are, the more possible you willachieve success.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-10-15 17:09
独立作文10.15

TOPIC: the car hashad a greater effect on society than airplane?

ESSAY:

As technology hasadvanced by leaps and bounds, it's more effectively and efficiently for peopleto take transportation. Undoubtedly, various vehicles, especially two of which:car and airplane, play more and more crucial roles in our daily life. On a personallevel, I agree that the car has a more far-reaching impact on society than theairplane. The reasons are presented below.

In the firstplace, there is no denying that it's more possible for people to take cars thanairplane. That is to say, in comparison to airplane, the car is more closelyrelated to people's life. As a result, the car affects our societydramatically. In fact, nowadays, not only do we commute to work every day butalso we rely on cars to improve our work efficiency. This point can be bestillustrated with the case of me. I am a client manager in a bank. Every day Iwill drive my car to visit three to four of my clients. In contrary, if I hadno car, I would definitely waste a lot time on my way. How markedly the cardoes good to my work! On the contrary, except people who always on theirofficial business, most people rarely take the plane because the plane is usedto travel for a long distance. Most of us would rather travel one or two timesin a year. Therefore, when it comes to the importance of two modes oftransportation, people would give priority to the car instead of the plane.

In the secondplace, the high fare of plane inhibits many people from using it. While mostpeople frequently utilize the car as normal transportation. As a cheap andconvenient transit tool, the car has an important influence on people's life.In light of the low fare of car, even the poor can afford to take car to wherethey want. According to the survey conducted by the Academy of Social Sciencein 2013,in province of Jiangsu, there are 40 percent of people who have nevertaken plane. In contrast, there are 3 percent of people who have not gone bycar. Apparently, it's hard to overstate the significance of the car to themodern society.

Given all thesefactors I have outlined above, we can easily reach a reasonable conclusion thatcompared to plane, the car more greatly satisfies the needs of people in dailylife and plays a more crucial role in our society.

作者: 橙圆 时间: 2014-10-15 18:38
改好了么么哒

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