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标题: Sigrid的作文楼 [打印本页]

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-10 20:00
标题: Sigrid的作文楼
懒惰党

T 作文27，G awa5。

目标作文29（...）

干巴跌

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-10 20:03
0810占座：Modern society has become more complex,so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Living well in this modern world has become an increasingly tougher task, as we have to learn a lot to catch up with the latest technique and experience a lot to maintain the normal interaction with other social members. To cope with the difficulty bought by the complicated society, being capable of planning and organizing will definitely be one of the best strategies, which is especially meaningful for young people like us.

To begin with, in this era of information explosion, only when we know what we should learn and how we can obtain the knowledge step by step will we successfully become a quick and efficient learner, and that asks for the ability to plan and organize our learning process. Therefore it is no surprise that all excellent students and researchers are talented planers, including my cousin David. David studies in one of the top universities in our country and he is also the top student in his class. Not only being mastery in his major mathematics, but also speaking reasonable English, German and Japanese, he never fails to draw attention from other people. And when I ask for his magic code, he told me that he planed the study goals for each year and month, and every day before going to sleep, he just rethought, if all tasks he settled were finished. The learning method of David can be summarized as several simple words: to be well-planned and well-organized.

Moreover, the ability of planning and organizing has an essential meaning for our future career, and the better position we want to get, the more significant role planning and organizing play. For doing a good job, first of all, people must make careful plans to make sure all the work is under control and all the assignments will be down before the deadline, especially when they are faced with multiple tasks. For instance, almost all the employees in an international company have memos and time tables on their desks and computers. Furthermore, it is also vital for young people to plan for their career path so that they will take less tortuous path and achieve their career goals more directly - that is why almost every company and mba program asks their applicant, what are your long-term and short-term goals in career life?

When taking into account all the reasons I have numerated above, I would arrive atthe conclusion that, being able to plan and organize in a complicated world benefits young people in both working and studying, and there are still dozens of other reasons to argue for the importance of having the ability of planning and organizing, and all these reasons will be found in every aspect of our life.

作者: MrWaiting 时间: 2014-8-11 20:23
改完了，继续加油

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-13 18:03
It is much easier to achieve success without help from one's family than in the past.
原谅俺这次写的有点少，飞机晚点外加想不出论点论据来.....

It has become a common sense that people who are born rich and accept help from their families are much more easily to be successful. The phenomenon seems to be unfair for average people like us. However, the good news is that, from my point of view, the difficulty to achieve success for individuals without the help of their families nowadays decreases a lot compared to that in the past. Here are some reasons for why I believe the situation has been relieved these years.

First of all, receiving good education is no more the privilege of the wealthy so that poor youngsters can go to top schools and change their destiny by studying hard. For example, in the movie Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story, which was adapted by a real story, Liz successfully went to Harvard, the best University in the world, won the scholarship offered by a newspaper, got a great job after the graduation, even though she was homeless and abandoned by drug-addicted parents. She changed her way of life in a good way due to her perseverance and endeavor. Such things happened rarely in the past, because the knowledge was never as powerful as it is right now, and the education opportunity was monopolized by the upper class.

Also, the advent of information era makes the cost of the success much cheaper than before, so many young people can achieve their dreams by utilizing their intelligence and innovation. Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO and establisher of Facebook, for instance, was a college student and he made the business miracle by starting the very creative social network service. He did not ask for help from his family but the idea of him itself attracts billions of investment. We can still name many successful starters like Zuckerberg such as Li Yanhong, Ma Yun in China, to prove that Zuckerberg is not an exception. Nevertheless, owning a successful business several years ago was very costly and the only way to achieve it quickly and directly might be depending on the capital of the family.

When taking into accounts all the reasons and explanations I have numerated above, we could safely come to the conclusion that one's achievement of success without help from his or her family is not as tough as it was in the past, as people can receive better education to improve themselves and start their business without costing a fortune in advance.

作者: 橙圆 时间: 2014-8-14 14:29
么么哒~

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-17 15:07
0816 政府应该在医疗保障还是环境治理上花费更多精力

Environmental conservation and health-care improvement are hot topics these days: Both of them are essential to our society and none of them can be neglected if we want to make a better world. However, when comparing the importance of these two aspects, I would be one of those who agree that the environmental conservation is more significant, so more money and time should be used by the government for protecting the environment.

To begin with, a better environment means alot to our quality of life. Beautiful scenery is first of all a sort of gift weget from an unpolluted environment. People today can still dive or snorkel among the breathtaking coral reef, seeing the colorful fishes and other sea animals swimming, but when the ocean was polluted and the global warming makes some seaside islands vanish, our offspring will only read such beauty in their history books. Furthermore, wild animals can be protected also as a result ofthe protection of the environment. Manchurian tiger, for instance, is extinct due to the habitat loss and destruction and the same kind of tragedy occurs every day in this world. If we do not want to see other animals such as wild pandas die out in the near future, the government must definitely place priority on the environment conservation.

Moreover, the environmental improvement can help with the healthy problem so that the health care issues can be released toa great extend and on the other hand, environmental extremes do harm to humanhealth. Nevertheless, spending more money on health care issues will bring nodirect benefits to a better environment. For example, Minamata disease discovered in Japan last century was caused by polluted water discharged by a chemical factory. The water polluted and poisoned seafood as well as other animals thatfed on seafood. Then thousands of people died and more people were tormented bythe disease all the time. A similar case is the smog and haze in London in the19th century. The haze caused by air pollution also killed thousands of people and led to many other respiratory illness. All the diseases and health problems could have been solved or even prevented if the government protected the environment in the past. The history taught us a lesson that the environment protection is the premise of better health care.

When taking into accounts all the reasons I have nominated above we can safely come to the conclusion that compared with health care issues, the government should pay more attention to the environmental protection, as it is meaningful not only for our life quality butalso for our health condition.

作者: daisy333 时间: 2014-8-19 06:28
么么么么哒好好学习了下~

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-20 11:00

橙圆发表于 2014-8-14 14:29
么么哒~

致谢勤奋的小橙子

前儿看了忘回复

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-20 11:01

daisy333 发表于 2014-8-19 06:28
么么么么哒好好学习了下~

么么哒，谢daisy~~~

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-20 21:56
0819 tpo09 屁滚尿流的赶出来。。。

Both the writer and the professor focus on the topic, if hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines are much better than ordinary fuel engines. In the writing, the hydrogen-based cell fuel has been described as easily available, environmental friendly and economically competitive. The professor, however, claims that all such assumptions are incorrect.

As opposing to the writer's idea that because hydrogen resources are plentiful, the fuel-cell engines are easily to obtain as well, the professor states that hydrogen can not directly be used in the form of water, and pure liquid hydrogen is technologically difficult to produce. Citing the instance that the hydrogen must be kept in a very cold environment, he advances his argument that hydrogen power is not easy to get.

The professor continues to discredit the writing's assertion that it will solve the pollution problem, by stating the fact that producing pure hydrogen would creates a lot of pollution. Further, he points out that man has to burn coal and oil to produce pure hydrogen and that will cause severe air pollution.

It is the professor's third argument that hydrogen-based fuel cell is not economical, which contradicts the view of the writer that it is more efficient than the normal fuel. The professor explains that, it is because a rare and expensive metal named platinum has to be used to produce the engines. That makes the production of hydrogen-based fuel cell very costly.

In a summary, all the above-mentioned reasons of the recture illustrate that the professor disagree with the points mentioned in the reading passage.

作者: 小蘑菇开始打怪 时间: 2014-8-24 15:46
TPO 9 revised by mushroom
sorry for being late

Both the writer and the professor focus on the topic, if(换成wether会更好） hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines are much better than ordinary fuel engines. In the writing, the hydrogen-based cell fuel has been described as easily available, environmental friendly and economically competitive. The professor, however, claims that all such assumptions are incorrect.

As opposing to the writer's idea that because hydrogen resources are plentiful, the fuel-cell engines are easily to obtain as well, the professor states that hydrogen can not directly be used in the form of water, and pure liquid hydrogen is technologically difficult to produce. Citing the instance that the hydrogen must be kept in a very cold environment, he advances his argument that hydrogen power is not easy to get.

The professor continues to discredit the writing's assertion that it will solve the pollution problem, by stating the fact that producing pure hydrogen would creates a lot of pollution.（这里的理由我认为表述为hydrogen actually has nothing to do with the decline of pollution更好，下面再描述为什么pollution没有减少，因为一增一减相抵消。但是如果原因一上来就是单方面增加污染，万一减少的污染比增加的多呢？） Further, he points out that man has to burn coal and oil to produce pure hydrogen and that will cause severe air pollution. （这段例子的描述可以再添加一些，比如虽然汽车的污染可以减少，但是生产hydrogen过程中产生的污染又弥补了减少，总的来说还是没有减少污染）

It is the professor's third argument that hydrogen-based fuel cell is not economical, which contradicts the view of the writer that it is more efficient than the normal fuel. The professor explains that, it is because a rare and expensive metal named platinum has to be used to produce the engines. That makes the production of hydrogen-based fuel cell very costly.

In a summary, all the above-mentioned reasons of the recture illustrate that the professor disagree with the points mentioned in the reading passage.（summary可要可不要）

总结：
1、每个论点听得都不错，总结的地方再切中一些。
2、每个论点后支持的论据字数太少啦，我认为至少应该是1：2的比例这样，因为本来第一句论据就是类似套模版的东西了，后面论据再不多描述一些，怕是会有一些生硬和机械。
3、在每段论点写得足够多的情况下，可以不需要summary~
4、字数可以写得再多一些。

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-25 11:02

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-8-24 15:46
TPO 9 revised by mushroom
sorry for being late

谢谢小蘑菇~~~~~~

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-25 11:06
0823 城市里还是农村更适合 take care of family?

To live in the city, or to live in the countryside, that is the question. In order to take better care of their families, some people choose staying in the countryside with no hesitation, because of the fresh air and idyllic pastoral scene. However,the others believe living in the city benefits everyone in a family. Given the following reasons, I stand for the latter opinion that city is a better place for settling.

First of all, growing up in a city is beneficial to children in different ways. It goes without saying that children will receive a better education in cities, since schools in cities hire more experienced teachers and own more advanced equipments. Fo rexample, city born and city bred, when I was in senior high school, I could do chemical experiments and have music class every week but my cousin who studied in a rural area had no such opportunities because not much money was spent on education facilities in the countryside. Furthermore, children in big cities are more open-minded and have more chances to broaden their horizon, as there are more libraries, museums and exhibitions to visit.

Moreover, livingin the city is a security of taking care of the old in the family, because the hospitals in the city provide patents with better treatment. My grandmother was used to living in the countryside and refused to come to the big city, but her sickness changed her mind. Two years ago, she got cerebral thrombosis when she stayed at home and my aunt found it out within several hours. Then my grandmother was sent to the biggest hospital in the city and treated by the best doctor. Nevertheless, if grandmother lived in the city, she would have been sent to the hospital faster and cured earlier and my parents regretted that they did not persuade her moved in the city.

The last reason why living in the city is better than living in the countryside is that the whole family can live a high quality of life. People earn more in the city and have variety of choice for goods. There are always excellent shows or operas inthe city center, so it will never be a bad idea to gather the whole family in a weekend evening to go to the theater. My parents, for instance, sometimes take me to the cinema or bring me to have a big meal. I know that all of these can occur only when we live in the city.

When taking into account all the reasons I have numerated above, I would arrive at the conclusion that the choice of living in the city outweighs choosing living in the countryside as every family member could be taken good care of and all people can get what they want.

作者: 橙圆 时间: 2014-8-26 14:37
么么~~~~

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-28 11:39
0825 Should we always state our honest opinions, even though most people do not agree with you?

We are told for thousands of times that silence is gold, especially when you are face with disagreement of the majority. That means we’d better keep silent and hide our honest opinions when most people do not hold the same ones. However, given the following reasons, I would like to be one of those who stand for the opposite view that expressing our true ideas is meaningful and worthwhile to do.

One condition of telling the honest opinion is that we are holding the truth. The history has proved that insisting on right opinions and protecting one’s believe can change our living world in a good way. Deng Xiaoping, for example, is a role model of getting rid of criticism and dissent and lead China to a modern and industrial nation. His theories about reforms and openness as well as socialist market economy are totally against the mind of other conservative leaders such as Chen Yun, but he persisted in his way and finally made the quality of living for Chinese people several times better than before. Bill Gates is the second person I want to refer to as a good example of sticking to his own idea. When he started his own business, committing himself to promote personal computers, many people regard him as a fantast. Nevertheless, he succeeded not only as the richest man ranked at the top of the Forbes list of the world’s wealthiest people, but as the best-known entrepreneurs of the personal computer revolution. All his recognition and wealth come from his unique opinion.

There can be another condition that our different opinions come out to be wrong, but we do not need to worry about it, as we live in a world with much tolerance and also a lot can be learned during others correcting our thoughts. My friend Lola, for instance, is a brave girl who is never to shy to say her opinions in our class. Sometimes she has pretty inspiring speak or ideas, and sometimes her ideas are not correct or logically false. She does not stop expressing herself after a mistake but learns hard from it and tries to find out why she was incorrect. Nobody laughs at her because of her behavior and the teachers even praise her courage. At the end of the semester, she gets the best grades on her paper and all of us know that she deserves it, since she has learned much from her mistakes.

To sum up, no matter whether our opinions are correct or incorrect, we should state them honestly, even though most of others hold the opposite ones, not only because we can learn from them, but also because we will never know, that the advanced ideas of us may change our living world to a great extend.

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-8-28 11:42

橙圆发表于 2014-8-26 14:37
么么~~~~

被抓到没好好学习了，呜呜呜，么么大

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-8 20:24
0908 Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than they are now. （嗷...................................突然发现写成0907的题目了............那就将错就错吧= =）

In my memory, people spared no effort of praising teachers. In China， teachers were always compared with candles, which burn themselves in order to illuminate others. Also, they said that teachers to students are like gardeners to plants in the gardens, as only with good teachers can we grow up healthily. However, in my point of view, teachers nowadays are less appreciated and valued than they were in the past, because of the following reasons.

First of all, in the past, teachers represented the minority who were not only noble-hearted, but also erudite, but today, for us, teachers are more ordinary people who have just known something ahead of us. For instance, in Song density, the great Chinese scholar Cheng Yi showed high respect to his teacher, because the teacher was of noble character and high prestige. Cheng respected the teacher so much that when he was told that his teacher was taking a nap, he voluntarily stood outside the house regardless the heavy snow in case stepping into the room would bother his teacher. Such stories will never happen in the modern society, as almost everyone can be a teacher in some extent, and maybe teachers have neither more knowledge nor more moral character than ordinary individuals. My cousin speaks better English than my high school English teacher does, and the scandals and news about abusing children by teachers in China ruin the image of the teachers as well. Without outstanding ability and moral character, how could teachers enjoy the same respect and support as they did before?

Moreover, the development of high technology and the advance of new learning approaches weaken the impact of common teachers greatly. In the age of Confucius, for example, students had few books to refer to and little literal knowledge to learn, so they listened to their teachers carefully and even took notes for the daily talk between teachers and students. Nevertheless, students have a great number of choices when they decide to learn today. Confronting problems, they can turn to Internet for help and if they are lucky enough, they may get an answer from the expert in that area. Furthermore, the new booming Internet courses such as coursera and Udacity have changed our learning habitat to a great extent, and make the roles of teachers in real life less significant, as man can have the lessons taught by the professors from the most famous universities and discuss with students all around the world. All the changes I mentioned above predict the fading of the traditional teaching, as well as the weakening of traditional teachers.

In summary, I do agree with the opinion that the teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past, as the importance of traditional teachers is lessening due to the new studying patterns and the teachers as a whole are less knowledgeable and moral than they were in the past.

作者: daisy333 时间: 2014-9-8 23:04
好爱看sigrid写的作文啊！！！好流畅，例子又超级贴切，不管句型还是词汇都好洋气！

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-8 23:28

daisy333 发表于 2014-9-8 23:04
好爱看sigrid写的作文啊！！！好流畅，例子又超级贴切，不管句型还是词汇都好洋气！ ...

说的我脸红成猴屁股了.................

作者: mygirlzini 时间: 2014-9-9 16:45
亲,今天晚班得上班去了,我的写作贴和你的修改明儿一定回复~~~

哎哟真是不好意思

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-9 20:15

mygirlzini 发表于 2014-9-9 16:45
亲,今天晚班得上班去了,我的写作贴和你的修改明儿一定回复~~~哎哟真是不好意思 ...

.................那我明天晚上再改你的作文了。

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-9 22:17
0909........越来越懒惰。发展现代农业应否以环境为代价。

People regard food as their prime want, and the result of such desire can be a disaster of the environment. Some people may argue that in order to feed up more individuals, we should and have to sacrifice environment for modern agriculture. However, I hold the opposite opinion that we should never let the environment make a way for more food and population.

First of all, as human being, we should live our lives in a happy and healthy way instead of surviving and demanding more offspring. Actually, modern agriculture ensures the latter circumstance - the more pathetic living conditions but it will cause severe consequences which can destroy our health and lower our quality of life. To take health problem as an example, modern agriculture has indirect connection with environmental problem and physical diseases. The extending farmland occupied the area where used to be forest and grassland, and the degradation of forest and grassland brings haze as well as sandstorm. As is reported in the news, more than thousands of people got respiratory disease due to the air pollution and environmental destruction. Furthermore, modern farming also has some other potential hidden troubles for human health, as no one in the world can proof that transgenic will do no harm to our health, but one thing is certain that in many countries, transgenic plant can not be used for human food.

Moreover, demolishing environment for producing food is also a nightmare for our descendant. The habitats of various animals and plants will be changed to farm land and soon or later, many beautiful sceneries and cute animals will only be seen in the museums. And such disasters have already occurred in the past. For example, the wild Siberian tiger is extinct because of human activities, and the only way we learn it and see it is to go to the museum of nature to watch its specimen. Also, a kind of plant called Chinese dove tree by many people is dying out at the same time, which not only has beautiful flowers, but also is a treasury medical plant. As for natural sceneries, if we do not limit the expanding of modern agriculture, our children may never have the opportunities to know what Amazon Forest is and how yellow stone looks like, because no matter where they go and which country they visit, they will only view the boundless cropland and fat, lazy cows. I am not willing to live in a tedious world like this, neither is my daughter or son.

When taking into accounts all the reasons I mentioned above, I would come to the conclusion that, though modern agriculture means more food, we should not easily improve it at the expense of destroying the environment, because only with a better environment, we and our descendants can have a better life.

作者: mygirlzini 时间: 2014-9-10 17:21

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-8 20:24
0908 Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than they are now. （嗷... ...

SORRY BEING late.
文章写得很不错哦,我也是先学习了再自己写的,改的地方不少,都是我认为可以更高分的句子,仅做参考哈.有改错的地方,还请见谅,欢迎交流~~~

作者: jason509 时间: 2014-9-11 23:44

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-9 22:17
0909........越来越懒惰。发展现代农业应否以环境为代价。

棒极！果然是27分水准。话说你为啥还要考啊

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-11 23:50

mygirlzini 发表于 2014-9-10 17:21
SORRY BEING late.
文章写得很不错哦,我也是先学习了再自己写的,改的地方不少,都是我认为可以更高分的句 ...

有的建议我采纳了

有的保留原来的句子感觉哈，我们私下都可以多查查用法。

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-12 08:24

jason509 发表于 2014-9-11 23:44
棒极！果然是27分水准。话说你为啥还要考啊

谢谢修改，冠词和and确实是我习惯性问题要多注意一下了...
感觉考场写的没有平时好，平时都超时的。

刷总分是恶性循环么...刷高点增加录取几率

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-15 23:43
独立：0915

915 Parents should let children make and learn from their mistakes.

No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every one of us has the experience of doing something wrong. Nevertheless, even though all parents know that mistakes are unavoidable, some of them still want to prevent their children from making errors. I personally believe that allowing children making mistakes is more beneficial to children in various aspects.

First of all, making minor mistakes at a very young age may help children avoid more serious and unforgivable mistakes in their adulthood. Some children, for instance, are forbidden to play computer games and watching TV because parents believe such entertainment may lead to terrible performances of children at school. My parents, however, did not limit my computer time when I was in junior high school so that I was addicted to surf on the Internet and got an unsatisfying grate in the final exam of that semester. What makes me feel lucky today is that I realized my mistake instantly, quitted the Internet, worked hard at school and developed a good habit of learning. Some of my companions, who were not permitted to use the computer, on the contrary, stuck on the computer games for years when getting rid of control of their parents. Hence, mistakes such as being obsessed to the Internet in the childhood, is much better than making big errors later.

Moreover, being used to making errors when we are young benefits our mental health. People who never risk will never be free and children who never risk making mistakes will never grow up with a strong mind. Every year we heard news about one or two student committing suicide due to different reasons, and self-disappointment might be the most frequent cause. A PHD from history department hanged himself last year as he found out that he could not get a satisfying job after graduation, and his research may lead him to nowhere. As is reported, this student was a perfect one for twenty years and his parents taught him in a quite strict way. The result is that, he was so clinging to be right that a B in an exam could be unbearable for him, and finally, any severe frustration will defeat him forever due to his fragile, easily broken heart. I deem that such tragedy will never occur on a child who was educated in a different way, a way which tolerates small mistakes.

When taking all the accounts I have numerated above, we can come to the conclusion that allowing children making mistakes is a good way of education, for it can not only help minimize the potential serious troubles made in adulthood, but also help with the mental health in the future.

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-16 00:31
综合 0915

The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the passage, the clay jars found in the Iraq were not likely to be vessels for producing electricity due to three reasons. However, the professor in the lecture asserts that it is possible that the vessels are electric batteries, as the reasons of reading material is not convincing and he represents several evidences.

To begin with, the author states that there were no metal wires found nearby the vessels. But the professor claims that there could be wires or other conductors excavated by the local people, but as they were not professional archaeologists, such wires might have been easily overlooked and thrown away. Therefore, the assertion of the author can be questionable.

Furthermore, the passage assumes that the copper cylinders inside the clay jars were similar to the copper cylinders excavated in Seleucia. In ancient Seleucia, man used the cylinder to hold scrolls. The professor, however, suggests that the use of copper cylinders could be changed. To be specific, these cylinders were possibly designed to be holder for scrolls, but later they were used to generate electricity.

Last but not the least, the author of the passage points out that the electricity made by such battery was no used for ancient people, but the professor states that the electricity can be used as magical powers by producing mild shock or tingling. Another truth is that, the battery could also be used as a way of healing, and such healing method is used by modern medicine as well. That's to say, the electricity is useful for ancient people.

Based on the above mentioned arguments of both the lecture and the reading material the explanation of the reading passage could be nonsense.

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-16 16:39
No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every one of us has the experience of doing something wrong. Nevertheless, even though all parents know that mistakes are unavoidable, some of them still want to prevent their children from making errors. I personally believe that allowing children making mistakes is more beneficial to children in various aspects.只是提到make mistake 没有learn from mistakes

First of all, making minor mistakes at a very young age may help children avoid more serious and unforgivable mistakes in their adulthood. Some children, for instance, are forbidden to play computer games and watching TV because parents believe such entertainment may lead to terrible performances of children at school. My parents, however, did not limit my computer time when I was in junior high school so that I was addicted to surf on the Internet and got an unsatisfying grate in the final exam of that semester. What makes me feel lucky today is that I realized my mistake instantly, quitted the Internet, worked hard at school and developed a good habit of learning. Some of my companions, who were not permitted to use the computer, on the contrary, stuck on the computer games for years when getting rid of control of their parents. Hence, mistakes such as being obsessed to the Internet in the childhood, is are much better than making big errors later.这里的对比是mistakes such as~~~和making big errors感觉不是很对称，如果改成mistakes such as~~~better than big errors～～是不是更好呢？

Moreover, being used to making make errors when we are young benefits our mental health. People who never risk will never be free and children who never risk making mistakes will never grow up with a strong mind. Every year we heard news about one or two student committing suicide due to different reasons, and self-disappointment might be the most frequent cause. A PHD from history department hanged himself last year as he found out that he could not get a satisfying job after graduation, and his research may lead him to nowhere. As is reported, this student was a perfect one for twenty years and his parents taught him in a quite strict way. The result is that, he was so clinging to be right that a B in an exam could be unbearable for him, and finally, any severe frustration will defeat him forever due to his fragile, easily broken heart. I deem that such tragedy will never occur on a child who was educated in a different way, a way which tolerates small mistakes.

When taking all the accounts I have numerated above, we can come to the conclusion that allowing children making mistakes is a good way of education, for it can not only help minimize the potential serious troubles made in adulthood, but also help with the mental health in the future. for后面可不可以跟句子？这点貌似在GMAT中是不允许的

整体感觉每一个观点都挖掘的比较深入，例子也非常有说服力。需要注意的是题目中有提到learn from mistake但是文中没有很充分的体现。

作者: echosun2002 时间: 2014-9-16 16:44
综合写作整体结构很棒，逻辑清晰，语句流畅，没有什么问题。

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-16 20:04

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-16 16:39
No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every ...

么么哒~~你的建议都采纳喵~~~~

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-16 20:39

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-16 00:31
综合 0915

The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the ...

综合 0915 mm不好意思不知道怎么变成这个格式了！所以弄了一个word！！！

The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the passage, the clay jars found in the Iraq were not likely to be vessels for producing electricity due to three reasons. However, the professor in the lecture asserts that it is possible that the vessels are electric batteries, as(as后面最好只接一个完整的句子) the reasons of reading material is not convincing and he represents several evidences.

To begin with, the author states that there were no metal wires found nearby the vessels. But the professor claims that there could be wires or other conductors excavated by the local people(加上 near the jars), but as they were not professional archaeologists, such wires might have been easily overlooked and thrown away. Therefore, the assertion of the author can be questionable.(GOOD)

Furthermore, the passage assumes that the copper cylinders inside the clay jars were similar to the copper cylinders excavated in Seleucia. In ancient Seleucia, man(?) used the cylinder to hold scrolls(用被动较好). The professor, however, suggests that the use of copper cylinders could be changed(FOR OTHER PURPOSE). To be specific, these cylinders were possibly （originally）designed to be holder for scrolls, but later they were used to generate electricity.

Last but not the least, the author of the passage points out that the electricity made by such battery was no used for ancient people, but the professor states that the electricity can be used as magical powers(不是被用作是被interpret) by producing mild shock or tingling. Another truth is that, the battery could also be used as a way of healing,

and such healing method is used by modern medicine as well. That's to say, the electricity is useful for ancient people.

Based on the above mentioned arguments of both the lecture and the reading material the explanation of the reading passage could be nonsense.

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-16 21:05

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-16 20:39

好星湖，被两个人改综合

作者: loverony713 时间: 2014-9-16 22:04

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-16 21:05
好星湖，被两个人改综合

哈哈别嘚瑟好好看你错误

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-17 23:40
9.17
独立：人们应该坚持具有挑战性的梦想还是注重实现现实的梦想

It is said that dreams can be divided into two types, challenging dreams and practical ones. Some people hold the opinion that ordinary individuals should be down-to-earth so that we need to concentrate on the dreams which are easier to realize. However, from my point of view, only challenging dreams can be called dreams, whereas practical dreams are no more than aims.

First of all, people who own fabulous dreams and unbelievable ideas can change the world and make better achievements, and sticking to such dreams leads to the final success. Howard Hughes, as a perfect example, who did not dream his practical dreams being as a businessman, exerted all his effort on planes and controversial movies related to planes. He dreamed the unrealistic dreams of driving the fastest airplane and risked the risk of being bankrupted and disabled, to develop the difficult business and break the world air speed limit. Now, to American people, the name of Hughes’ is as well-known as the name of respectable presidents such as Washington and Lincoln. And his contribution to the civil aircrafts as well as pop-culture is also beyond measurement. Without the challenging dreams of Hughes’, his name would not have been known to all and the American culture would have lost a speculate part.

Moreover, no matter the dreams are realized or not, persisting in the some hard-to-be-achieved dreams can be the happiest thing in the world, as we do not yield to the reality. My aunt Sally is one of those who is not defeated by the realistic limitation. She did not graduated from a key high school ten years ago, neither did she get a good grade in the college entrance examination. My parents persuaded her to be a nurse and get into the nursing faculty, but she refused and went to study computer science and business, because she wanted to be a successful businesswoman and earn a lot of money. Ten years later, instead of being a considerate and welcomed nurse, my aunt became a manager in a foreign bank with a payment ten times more than the best nurse. She told me that we should always persevere in what we want to do, even though the forward path is tough and people around you do not understand. Seeing my aunt living happy and satisfying right now, I do believe that the challenge and difficulties were worthwhile.

When taking into account all the reasons I have numerated above, we can easily come to the conclusion that persisting in the challenging dreams can benefit us more, as due to the hard time we experience, the time will award us the recognition and happiness.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2014-9-19 17:33
另外想起来一点，如果写2个论点的话，一般还要写一个让步段

作者: sigrid_shan 时间: 2014-9-19 20:42

chasedreamabc 发表于 2014-9-19 17:33
另外想起来一点，如果写2个论点的话，一般还要写一个让步段

我主干的内容好像确实有点跑题~~~

但是第二段第一句人家写了并列句，第二个and的主语不是一个哦，第二个主语是动名词所以这句主谓是对的哟~

第三段开头are realized是被实现的意思不是现实

根据我了解得语法....and连接同一功能的不定式第二个不加to.....

还有哦~关于托福到底要不要写让步段的说法众说纷纭，我也认识根据付英东说法绝不写让步坚持一边倒最后作文30分的哦~

其他的错误点都got~~thx~~~

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