ChaseDream

标题: slave918的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-15 21:09
标题: slave918的作文贴

7.15独立
Agree or disagree:

Teacherswere more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

"Knowledge is power". In asociety, teachers are the origin of knowledge for most of the people. However,as the changing of our society, the significance of teachers is changing too.In the past, teachers may be the only origin of knowledge to most of the peopleand teachers may be very honorable and powerful.

First and foremost, in modern society, bylearning from internet or other resources, individuals can also learn muchknowledge. That means teachers are not the only resources that people can relyon, thus teachers would be less valued in nowadays. Since the development ofinternet, people can find what they want to learn on the internet. If i want tolearn Economics, i can find countless e-books, many speeches by famouseconomists like mankiw, and many methods or recommendations from others. Forinstance, if i want to learn what “sunk cost” is, i would google it on theinternet. Then I would see many pages about sunk cost. Maybe the best answer isfrom Wiki. First i can learn what it is. Second, many case study would show mehow can we apply this knowledge into real world. That would be a wonderfuljourney because teachers have to control the pace of study to guarantee thatall the students in the class can understand. However, when i was learning onthe internet, i can concentrate on what i am confused and skip what i amalready know.

Furthermore, in the past, teacher istreated as an honorable profession because teachers have more knowledge thanmost of the individuals and intelligent people are less in the past compared tomodern society. In the past, education is not well-developed as it is now.Ordinary people would not have the chance to invite a teacher to inform theirchildren. Their children would be mason, peasant as their families do. Familieswhich are rich or noble can afford a teacher. The children from these familieswould be powerful and rich some day and they are much influenced by theirteachers and they would value their teachers' advices as gold. Sometimes theadvices from a teacher, especially from the king's teacher, can affect thefunction of society. That means the power of teacher can reached to the worldthrough their powerful or rich students.

Of course, teachers' status in modernsociety is great. Every individual would know that knowledge is power andmental works is far more valued than physical works. The pay of Steven Jobswould be more than the pay of a waiter or waitress since we all know that whichjob is more intricate. Besides, the union labor would protect the interests ofteachers. Once their incomes are not appropriate, they have the right tostrike.

However, these factors cannot make theteachers more precious in modern society than in the past. The unique power andinfluence that teachers have in the past made them valuable and the abundantway to learn in modern society make teachers not necessary.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-16 12:53
修改稿—— 贾贾

1. 第一段还是写明自己的观点吧
2. 红色字体，这句话的表达我觉得可以更好一些，比如： the changes to the society lead to those to significance of teachers.

First and foremost, in modern society, by learning from internet or other resources, individuals can also learn much knowledge. That means teachers are not the only resources that people can rely on, thus teachers would be less valued in nowadays. Since the development of internet, people can find what they want to learn on the internet. If i want to learn Economics, i can find countless e-books, many speeches by famous economists like mankiw, and many methods or recommendations from others. For instance, if i want to learn what “sunk cost” is, i would google it on the internet. Then I would see many pages about sunk cost. Maybe the best answer isfrom Wiki. First i can learn what it is. Second, many case study would show me how can we apply this knowledge into real world. That would be a wonderful journey because teachers have to control the pace of study to guarantee thatall the students in the class can understand. However, when i was learning onthe internet, i can concentrate on what i am confused and skip what i amalready know.

1. argument充足且合理
2. 红色部分，两个前置的状语从句并列写，不是很好的表达，可以改成： in modern society, individuals can also learn much knowledge by learning from internet or other resources.

3. 蓝色部分，for intstance应该写在第一句的前面吧。

Furthermore, in the past, teacher is treated as an honorable profession because teachers have more knowledge thanmost of the individuals and intelligent people are less in the past compared tomodern society. In the past, education is not well-developed as it is now.Ordinary people would not have the chance to invite a teacher to inform theirchildren. Their children would be mason, peasant as their families do. Familieswhich are rich or noble can afford a teacher. The children from these familieswould be powerful and rich some day and they are much influenced by theirteachers and they would value their teachers' advices as gold. Sometimes theadvices from a teacher, especially from the king's teacher, can affect thefunction of society. That means the power of teacher can reached to the worldthrough their powerful or rich students.

1. 红色这句话感觉可以删除
2. 卤煮这段是想表达，过去的老师懂得很多所以受人尊重么？但是最后king‘s teacher的例子感觉又是因为精英效应.... 个人觉得这段可以写一下跟现在的对比更能阐述观点吧。

Of course, teachers' status in modernsociety is great. Every individual would know that knowledge is power and mental works is far more valued than physical works. The pay of Steven Jobswould be more than the pay of a waiter or waitress since we all know that whichjob is more intricate. Besides, the union labor would protect the interests ofteachers. Once their incomes are not appropriate, they have the right tostrike.

1. great这个词语使用不当，教师的地位是好的？
2. 蓝色部分是不是主谓不一致？
3. 绿色部分的这个例子，我觉得可以再多论述几句为什么这个例子可以证明，老师现在还是受青睐的。感觉这个例子有些模棱两可。
4. 紫色部分关于老师薪水的问题，如果把上面Jobs 的例子讲清楚了就可以不写它，感觉这个薪水的阐释反而让文章这里有点偏题了。

结尾好！

不知道为啥很多单词中间都没有空格，可能是卤煮手误吧，多多注意这方面哦!

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-16 15:35

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-16 12:53
修改稿—— 贾贾

"Knowledge is power". In asociety, teachers are the origin of knowledge for most of ...

指出的问题都很对
学习了，谢谢。
关于单词没有空格，非常抱歉啊，我从word直接粘贴过来，完全没注意呢。
以后一定不会出现这样的问题。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-16 23:21
修改后：

"Knowledgeis power". In a society, teachers are the origin of knowledge for most ofthe people. However, the changes of society lead to the changes of teacher’sstatus. In the past, teachers may be the only origin of knowledge to most ofthe people and teachers may be very honorable and powerful.

First andforemost, , by learning from internet or other resources, individuals can alsolearn much knowledge in modern society. That means teachers are not the only resourcesthat people can rely on, thus teachers would be less valued in nowadays. Sincethe development of internet, people can find what they want to learn on theinternet. For instance If i want to learn Economics, i can find countlesse-books, many speeches by famous economists like mankiw, and many methods orrecommendations from others. if i want to learn what “sunk cost” is, i wouldgoogle it on the internet. Then I would see many pages about sunk cost. Maybethe best answer is from Wiki. First i can learn what it is. Second, many casestudy would show me how can we apply this knowledge into real world. That wouldbe a wonderful journey because teachers have to control the pace of study to guaranteethat all the students in the class can understand. However, when i was learningon the internet, i can concentrate on what i am confused and skip what i amalready know.

Furthermore,in the past, teachers have more power and influence than today. In the past,education is not well-developed as it is now. Ordinary people would not havethe chance to invite a teacher to inform their children. Their children wouldbe mason, peasant as their families do. Families which are rich or noble canafford a teacher. The children from these families would be powerful and richsome day and they are much influenced by their teachers and they would valuetheir teachers' advices as gold. Sometimes the advices from a teacher,especially from the king's teacher, can affect the function of society. Thatmeans the power of teacher can reached to the world through their powerful orrich students.

Ofcourse, teachers' status in modern society is vital. Every individual know thatknowledge is power and mental works are far more valued than physical works.The pay of Steven Jobs would be more than the pay of a waiter or waitress sincewe all know that which job is more intricate. Of course, even Steven Jobs needsa teacher.

However,these factors cannot make the teachers more precious in modern society than inthe past. The unique power and influence that teachers have in the past madethem valuable and the abundant way to learn in modern society make teachers notnecessary.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-20 21:39

7.20 综合
TPO7

The professor argues against the author inthe writing that the companies in the America would seek the ecocertificationsinstead of ignoring them.

In the first place, Americans would nottreat all the advertisement equally. In their opinion the claims made by theindependent certification agent would outweigh the claims made by the companyitself, like the claims labeled "new" or "improved".Besides, Americans are found of ecological protection, so they would be favorto buy the products which are labeled by the ecocertification.

Furthermore, although individuals all valuethe price of products, they would don't emphasize on it if the differencebetween prices is small. Since Americans are all like to preserve the environment,they would like to buy the ecoertified wood as long as the price of it wouldnot be so high compared to the uncertified wood.

The last but not least, although thecompanies in America sell most of their products in the United States, theywould confront the stiff competition from ecocertified companies from other countries.If the native companies don't cater to the inclination of Americans that theyare found of ecocertified wood, one day the market would be filled with foreigncompetitors.

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-7-21 18:58
错误修改好
TPO7

The professor argues against the author in the writing that the companies in the America would seek the ecocertifications instead of ignoring them.

In the first place, Americans would not treat all the advertisement equally. In their opinion the claims made by the independent certification agent would outweigh the claims made by the companyitself, like the claims labeled "new" or "improved".Besides, Americans are found （I suggest you want to use this word "fond"）of ecological protection, so they would be favor ("favored", "favor" can only used in v. or n. forms ) to buy the products which are labeled by the ecocertification.

Furthermore, although individuals all valuethe price of products, they would don't (should be "would't") emphasize on it if the difference between prices is small. Since Americans are all like to preserve the environment,they would like to buy the ecoertified wood as long as the price of it would not be so high compared to ("with", "compare to" 比作，"compare with"比较 ) the uncertified wood.

The last but not least, although the companies in America sell most of their products in the United States, they would confront the stiff competition from ecocertified companies from other countries.If the native companies don't cater to the inclination of Americans that they are found ("fond", same as above) of ecocertified wood, one day the market would be filled with foreign competitors.

To sum up, your listening is excellent. Most of it can be reworded well. This integrated writing should be "good"

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-22 09:38

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-7-21 18:58
错误修改好
TPO7

thank u so much.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-7-22 11:02
等你的作文和你的批改

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-22 12:04
In my views, improving school is definitely a essential factor to boost the development of a country but sadly it is not the most important one. Improving the education of a country must be depended on some other things which are the authentic cornerstone. I will try to explain below the specific reasons which i think are the most common viewpoints nowadays.

First and foremost, what is the cardinal want people need to be fulfilled? The answer would be healthy. If a man under a severely famine, would he has the interest to read books? Clearly, it is a stable life without no war, no starving that ensures a critical peace that would be the beginning of a serious moves of development. For instance, a long time ago, there were several times of famine in Chinese history. You can't even imagine what people would do in that outrageous position. A newborn baby would be eaten by his parents. That's really cruel but real. Parents can't bring happiness to the child but pain, so they would rather eat it.

Furthermore, if we back to 500 years ago, in china we can see that the emperor very concerned about education, trying to improve the circumstance of school and giving much reverence to people who has bountiful knowledge. However, in that time, Chinese were very weak. Why? Because Chinese didn't interactive with other countries, they were not positioned in a place amid stiff competition. They were not motivated to develop their own technology, to broaden their horizon and to compete with other counties. Even though the school was progressive in china, it is far-behind the school in other counties. It is severely limited by the culture, economy and politics of china.

Of course, education is one of essential concerns to all the countries, ranging from the underdeveloped countries to developed countries. Education, especially higher education, guarantees the society a lot of elites which would certainly help the economical development, military development and political development. Correspondingly, the government diverts
so much money into education. It is a industry which would repay you if only you put your resources in it.

However, these advantages still can't make the education the most important factor to develop a country only if we can guarantee the people a stable life without no war, no famine, etc and let the country confront the competition from all over the world.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-22 12:05

GJason 发表于 2014-7-22 11:02
等你的作文和你的批改

已发~~~~~~~~~~~~

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-7-22 18:01
In my views, improving school is definitely a(an) essential factor to boost the development of a country but sadly it is not the most important one. Improving the education of a country must be depended on some other things which are the authentic cornerstone. I will try to explain below the specific reasons which i(I) think are the most common viewpoints nowadays.(reasons 和 which的指代关系不是很顺畅，修改名词或者指代词均可，below似乎不需要)

First and foremost, what is the cardinal want people need to be fulfilled?（need似乎不需要） The answer would be healthy. If a man under a severely famine, would he has the interest to read books? Clearly, it is a stable life without no(重复) war, no starving that ensures a critical peace that would be the beginning of a serious moves of development（critical和serious两个形容词不太恰当，也许是我理解不到）. For instance, a（a不需要，historically is better） long time ago, there were several times of famine in Chinese history(times of可以省去 ). You can't even imagine what people would do in that outrageous position. A newborn baby would be eaten by his parents. That's really cruel but real. Parents can't bring happiness to the child but pain, so they would rather eat it.

Furthermore, if we back to 500 years ago, in china(Chian) we can see that the emperor very concerned about education, trying to improve the circumstance of school and giving much reverence to people who has bountiful knowledge. However, in that time, Chinese were very weak. Why? Because Chinese didn't interactive（形容词哦） with other countries, they were not positioned in a place amid stiff competition. They were not motivated to develop their own technology, to broaden their horizon and to compete with other counties. Even though the school was progressive in china, it is far-behind the school in other counties. It is severely limited by the culture, economy and politics of china.

Of course, education is one of essential concerns to all the countries, ranging from the underdeveloped countries to developed countries. Education, especially higher education, guarantees the society a lot of elites which would certainly help the economical(economic is better, economical means cheap) development, military development and political development. （which指代不对，who.）Correspondingly, the government diverts so much money into education. It is a industry which would repay you if only you put your resources in it. （既然是有点，是不是就不用提这些个事儿了？）

However, these advantages still can't make the education the most important factor to develop a country only if we can guarantee the people a stable life without no war, no famine, etc and let the country confront the competition from all over the world.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-7-22 18:02
写作水平有限，请slave918有选择的接受修改意见。谢谢你的建议，点的非常到位。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-22 18:47

GJason 发表于 2014-7-22 18:02
写作水平有限，请slave918有选择的接受修改意见。谢谢你的建议，点的非常到位。 ...

谢谢了

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-23 15:59
7.23 独立
In a society, humans accomplish their assignments by interacting with others so individuals can't avoid that someone would go against their opinions. In that case, I would prefer to state my honest thoughts even though others may not agree with me because I believe that it is the exchanging of thoughts that makes our life better.

First and foremost, exchanging your honest opinions with others would help to correct your negligence or others, contributing to the whole group that you are working in. An individual can't not guarantee things perfect, since his/her own knowledge and experience are limited by his/her culture or environment. Stating the truth may be harmful but it is a good feedback to your group whether it is correct. For instance, once time, 3 of my classmates and I needed to finish a presentation in economics class. When we were choosing the topic of that assignment, I proposed that we should focus on financial crisis in 2008. However, they didn't agree with me, insisting on the welfare policies. By communicating after a while, we finally reach the consensus. It turns out that they didn't know that the teacher doesn't prefer the topics about government decisions. Thus, by exchanging the opinions, a group can absorb all the information and make the most right decision in current situation.

Furthermore, if individuals don't state their honest thoughts and still doubt the decision the group made, how can they diligently dedicate for that decision with their passion. If individuals believe in that decision, not only they will finish it resolutely, but also the efficiency of the group will rise. For example, when my classmates told me that I should contact with the professor we invited, I was severely doubtful because I didn't think it is necessary. But I still finished that job. However, it turns out that I neglect some essential details to ask, leading our group to an inevitable failure. If I can tell my classmates my doubt, he would inform me the destination of what I was doing, the underlying process of our program. Then I would try as much as I can to reach the best result.

Of course, telling the honest opinions always has some disadvantages. Individuals may make a bad impression on their colleagues. If they are in a company, they may lose their chances to be promoted. Sometimes people don't care what the final decision is. They just follow the authority or most of the people because by doing so, they would not have the chances to be blamed by others.

However, the reasons above can't harvest the conclusion that we should not tell the honest thoughts. We should have a big picture. We should focus on the benefits of the whole group not ourselves. Once people understand you are such a person, they would respect you and your opinions. Correspondingly, the opinions from those who always follow the group would be undervalued.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-7-24 18:36
语法错误基本没有，词汇有很多是我用不出来的，学习了。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-24 20:56

GJason 发表于 2014-7-24 18:36
语法错误基本没有，词汇有很多是我用不出来的，学习了。

互相学习。谢谢了

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-25 10:02
7.25综合
The professor proposes that Jane Austen is the subject of the portrait is totally unconvincing, pointing out that the author in the reading is wrong.

First and foremost, although the family member can recognize the painting is one of Austen's portraits, we still can't not harvest the conclusion that the paint depicts Austen. Since when the family member recognized the Austen, she died for almost 30 years. The family member even hadn’t seen her face to face.

Furthermore, although the face in the portrait looks like Austen's, we can't conclude that it is definitely her face. In that big family, many female cousins of Austen are teenagers and many children are teenagers, too. Their face would resemble Austen’s. In fact, many scientists believe that the subject in the portrait is a distant relative of Austen.

The last but not least, the author asserts that the paint delineates the young Austen because she was still a teenager when Ozias Humphrey is actice whose style was alike to the paniting’s. However, the professor argues that the stamp in the canvas was sold by a man. That man only sold canvas when Austen was old.

作者: 资深少女_贾贾 时间: 2014-7-26 10:11

slave918 发表于 2014-7-25 10:02
7.25综合
The professor proposes that Jane Austen is the subject of the portrait is totally unconvinc ...

The professor proposes that Jane Austen is the subject of the portrait is totally unconvincing, pointing out that the author in the reading(应该是reading passage吧) is wrong.

First and foremost, although the family member can recognize the painting is one of Austen's portraits, we still can't not (笔误) harvest the conclusion that the paint depicts Austen. Since when the family member recognized the Austen, she died for almost 30 years. The family member even hadn’t seen her face to face.

Furthermore, although the face in the portrait looks like Austen's, we can't conclude that it is definitely her face. In that big family, many female cousins of Austen are teenagers and many children are teenagers, too（这句话感觉不地道... 我觉得干脆就不要写这句了）. Their face would resemble Austen’s. In fact, many scientists believe that the subject in the portrait is a distant relative of Austen.

The last but not least, the author asserts that the paint delineates the young Austen because she was still a teenager when Ozias Humphrey is actice（这里是笔误吧... 但是我推不出楼主想写的是哪个单词） whose style was alike to the paniting’s. However, the professor argues that the stamp in the canvas was sold by a man. That man only sold canvas when Austen was old.

总结：要点都基本听出来了，拍小手鼓掌！
文章短句比较多且零碎，不如整合整合变长句吧~

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-26 11:56

资深少女_贾贾发表于 2014-7-26 10:11
The professor proposes that Jane Austen is the subject of the portrait is totally unconvincing, po ...

thank u so much

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-26 20:58

7.26 独立
People are all pursuing something in their whole life, including Money, power, happiness, love, etc. In my views, the most desirable thing that people want is public recognition. Of course, it is far more important than money because public recognition can bring something that money cannot.

First and foremost, public recognition can harvest a lot of things, among which the most essential one is trust. Can money buy trust from others? The answer would be an obvious no. For example, when Obama championed for the president of America, He won it because people trust him not because he has money. He earned the trust by repeated advertisement, debate, and presentation. That's how he makes people recognized. The people who have money can support Obama, but they can never be the president of America, the most powerful man in the free world. Thus, we can see that why someone would do what they can do to build his/her reputation instead to earn money.

Furthermore, public recognition would bring an individual a lot of happiness which money can't buy. Imaging when you are young, it would be terrific, if your teacher told you that you did an excellent job. Getting people recognized is a kind of intrinsic lust of humans. If an individual did the greatest thing in the world but people wouldn't know it, it wouldn't be happy but sorrowful. For example, I took a marathon when I was in college. My classmates all worried about my endurance because once I easily gave up my debating game. When I cross the final line, they looked at me excited. They eventually admitted that I can do things consistently. I was quite happy in that moment because it is gorgeous when people considered you a reliable person.

Of course, with money an individual can do a lot of things, it is very tempting to all of us. But public recognition doesn't means that you are goanna be poor. On the country, with public recognition, one is more likely to be wealthy. For example, an individual usually have the chances to show on the TV. He/she can write autobiography and people would be willing to buy it. Corporation would like to invite famous people to endorse its products.

After rumination all the factors, we can easily reach the conclusion that public recognition is more important than money. Even an individual is very wealthy. He/she can't earn the trust from others. Even an individual is surrounded by gold, he/she wouldn't be happy without others appreciation.

作者: xiaofan0205 时间: 2014-7-27 00:07

People are all pursuing something in their whole life, including Money, power, happiness, love, etc. In my views, the most desirable thing that people want is public recognition. Of course, it is far more important than money because public recognition can bring something that money cannot.

Of course, with money an individual can do a lot of things, it is very tempting to all of us. But public recognition doesn't means that you are goanna be poor. On the country（contrary）, with public recognition, one is more likely to be wealthy. For example, an individual usually have the chances to show on the TV. He/she can write autobiography and people would be willing to buy it. Corporation would like to invite famous people to endorse its products.

总的来说写的很好，用词和造句都能看出写作功力，可改的部分不多，值得学习！
红色是几个小的错误，蓝色是一些重复的用词，可以考虑换换其他的词，黄色是我觉得用词很到位的地方。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-27 13:35

xiaofan0205 发表于 2014-7-27 00:07
People are all pursuing something in their whole life, including Money, power, happiness, love, et ...

thanks so much

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-28 21:31
7.28 独立

Sharing our feelings with others is one of many intrinsic want of humans. Taking about the impression of someone is really a good topic when people are boring. But in my views, individuals should be careful when we are discussing others. Especially, when you cannot say anything nice about someone, you'd better not say anything.

First and foremost, when your mind is only occupied by the negative impression of someone, you often don’t know him/her well. An individual must have some positive characteristics or sophisticated skills. Sometimes, if you hate someone, you are not goanna see these merits and you are not objective anymore. For instance, when I was in high school, I didn't like my chemistry teacher because she was very easily infuriated and had no patient to students. No matter how perspicuous she taught in the class, I didn't like her gesture, voice, and dressing. However, my friend informed me that her knowledge is broad and her method of teaching is terrific. I started to realize that it is my prejudice to her that made me ignoring all the merits she has. Thus, don't make some premature justice on someone until you really know him/her.

Furthermore, making a negative comment without praises on others would make a bad impression not only to the man you comment on but to the man you talk with. It is certainly not a noble behavior to remark others not in front of him/her. People would wonder that you are definitely not a reliable man to trust. For example, when my friend Tom told me that he didn't like Jim and made a bunch of bad remarks on him, I just started to worry if I accidently annoyed Tom, would he just told others how selfish am I or comment on me, too? From that moment, I become careful to share my thoughts with him. So if you want your friend to trust you, you should be cautious to make negative comments on others.

After rumination of all the factors, we can see that never make an announcement, telling others that you don't like someone until you know that man well. Or by doing so, your reputation would be contaminated by your undue behavior.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-7-29 18:36
Sharing our feelings with others is one of many intrinsic want(wants) of humans. Taking about the impression of someone is really a good topic when people are boring(people用代词指代是否更好，否则本句逻辑关系似乎存在问题). But in my views, individuals should be careful when we are discussing others. Especially, when you cannot say anything nice about someone, you'd better not say anything.

First and foremost, when your mind is only occupied by the negative impression of someone, you often don’t know him/her well. An individual must have some positive characteristics or sophisticated skills. Sometimes, if you hate someone, you are not goanna see these merits and you are not objective anymore. For instance, when I was in high school, I didn't like my chemistry teacher because she was very easily infuriated and had no patient to students. No matter how perspicuous she taught in the class, I didn't like her gesture, voice, and dressing. However, my friend informed me that her knowledge is broad and her method of teaching is terrific. I started to realize that it is my prejudice to her that made me ignoring all the merits she has. Thus, don't make some premature justice on someone until you really know him/her.

Furthermore, making a negative comment without praises on others would make a bad impression not only to the man you comment on but to the man you talk with. It is certainly not a noble behavior to remark others not in front of him/her. People would wonder that you are definitely not a reliable man to trust（建议删除）. For example, when my friend Tom told me that he didn't like Jim and made a bunch of bad remarks on him, I just started to worry if I accidently annoyed Tom, would he just told others how selfish am I or comment on me, too? From that moment, I become careful to share my thoughts with him. So if you want your friend to trust you, you should be cautious to make negative comments on others.

After rumination of all the factors, we can see that never make an announcement（从句结构似乎不完整）, telling others that you don't like someone until you know that man well. Or by doing so, your reputation would be contaminated by your undue behavior.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-30 21:18
7.30 独立
Agree or disagree:
Technology designed to make people’s lives simpler actually often turns out to make people’s lives more complicated.

I certainly contends that the technology perfect the life of ourselves by bring people so much convenience. The technology has always been developing in human society, simply because the want of people can never be fulfilled. People want simple things. That's why some people dedicate their lives to work and study. Thus, people in modern society can enjoy so many pleasures brought by previous people.

First and foremost, the development of industry technology enormously decreases the labor we need to make a product. In the past, if people want to make something, it would certainly consume a lot of energy, because the products made by human are all artifacts. However, in modern society, many advanced facility also take part in the process of manufacture. For example, in the past, people can produce 10 papers in one day. They would process the trees and leaves they collected and use special instruments to press the processed materials. On the contrary, modern people would resort to the power of charcoal, oil and electron. They just collect the trees and put them into the machine. Then the machine would produce 10,000 papers in one day, by following the steps set by humans.

Furthermore, the development in information technology changed the life style of humans dramatically. The most notable innovation is internet which purely strength the convenience of our lives. Let me take my own experience as an example. Using internet, I would like to communicate people in other counties to practice my English and broaden my horizon. Also, I would like to promote myself to companies by sending them an E-mail to introduce myself. Nevertheless, when I get lazy, it is very easy to buy clothes and other commodities in the online shopping mall. Certainly, I can't live like this if I lived in 100 years ago.

Of course, it is undeniable that little part of our life gets more complicated. For instance, people enjoy more entertainment ways by watching movies, playing video games and etc, people have more choices to transport, including train, bus, plane and boat, and people have more subjects like chemistry, economics, physics and so one. However, we can still not conclude that the technology complicate our life more than simplify out life.

After rumination all the factors, we can harvest the conclusion that the technology simplify our lives through the industry technology and the information technology.[words:397]

作者: Terry95 时间: 2014-7-31 21:42

slave918 发表于 2014-7-30 21:18
7.30 独立
Agree or disagree:
Technology designed to make people’s lives simpler actually often tu ...

7.30 独立
Agree or disagree:
Technology designed to make people’s lives simpler actually often turns out to make people’s lives more complicated.

I certainly contends （contend) that the technology perfect (perfects) the life of ourselves by bring (bringing) people so much convenience. The technology has always been developing in human society, simply because the want(wants) of people can never be fulfilled. People want simple things. That's why some people dedicate their lives to work and study. Thus, people in modern society can enjoy so many（much) pleasures brought by previous people.

First and foremost, the development of industry technology enormously decreases the labor we need to make a product. In the past, if people want to make something, it would certainly consume a lot of energy, because the products made by human are all artifacts. However, in modern society, many advanced facility also take part in the process of manufacture. For example, in the past, people can produce 10 papers in one day. They would process the trees and leaves they collected and use special instruments to press the processed materials. On the contrary, modern people would resort to the power of charcoal, oil and electron. They just collect the trees and put them into the machine. Then the machine would produce 10,000 papers in one day, by following the steps set by humans.

Furthermore, the development in information technology changed the life style of humans dramatically. The most notable innovation is internet which purely strength (strengths) the convenience of our lives. Let me take my own experience as an example. Using internet, I would like to communicate people in other counties to practice my English and broaden my horizon. Also, I would like to promote myself to companies by sending them an E-mail to introduce myself. Nevertheless, when I get lazy, it is very easy to buy clothes and other commodities in the online shopping mall. Certainly, I can't live like this if I lived in 100 years ago.

Of course, it is undeniable that little part of our life gets more complicated. For instance, people enjoy more entertainment ways by watching movies, playing video games and etc, people have more choices to transport, including train, bus, plane and boat, and people have more subjects like chemistry, economics, physics and so one. However, we can still not conclude that the technology complicate our life more than simplify out life.

After rumination all the factors, we can harvest the conclusion that the technology simplify our lives through the industry technology and the information technology.[words:397]

例子清晰明白，又能丰富文章内容。学习了！！

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-31 22:26
改正稿
7.30 独立
Agree or disagree:
Technology designed to make people’s lives simpler actually often turns out to make people’s lives more complicated.

I certainly contend that the technology can perfect the life of ourselves by bringing people so much convenience. The technology has always been developing in human society, simply because the want of people can never be fulfilled and people want simple things. Thus, people in modern society can enjoy simple pleasures brought by previous people.

First and foremost, the development of industry technology enormously decreases the labor we need to produce something. In the past, if people want to make a product, it would certainly consume a lot of energy, because the products made by human are all artifacts. However, in modern society, many advanced facility also take part in the process of manufacture. For example, in the past, people can produce 10 papers in one day. They would process the trees and leaves they collected and use special instruments to press the processed materials. On the contrary, modern people would resort to the power of charcoal, oil and electron. They just collect the trees and put them into the machine. Then the machine would produce 10,000 papers in one day, by following the steps set by humans.

Furthermore, the development in information technology changed the life style of humans dramatically. The most notable innovation is internet which purely bring more convenience to our lives. Let me take my own experience as an example. Using MSN or Skype, I often chat with my friends on the internet, even though we live in one city.
Also, I can send many resumes to different companies in one second by useing E-mail, that would certainly ensures me more opportunities. What's more, If I want do some shoppings in the midnight when many shopping malls are closed, I can easily search the commodities in Amazon. Certainly, I can't gain this convenience if I lived in 100 years ago.

Of course, it is undeniable that little part of our life gets more complicated. For instance, people enjoy more entertainment ways by watching movies, playing video games and etc, people have more choices to transport, including train, bus, plane and boat, and people have more subjects to learn, including chemistry, economics, physics and so one. However, it would be to rash if we reach the conclusion that the technology make the life complicate. To some extent, more choices also means that we don't have to worried about what should we do tomorrow, right? So, that's kind of make our lives simpel too.

After rumination all the factors, we can harvest the conclusion that the technology simplify our lives through the industry technology and the information technology.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-8 19:14

Do you agree or disagree:

Always telling the truth is the mostimportant consideration in any relationship between people.

In all the relationship we have build with others, the most important thing I think is trust that means we should share our authentic thoughts in any relationship. Without trust when we are interacting with others in our modern society, the efficiency of a group would lower down and the relationship with our friends and family would be contaminated.

First and foremost, exchanging the real feeling and ideas in a group is extremely essential. Getting the right feedbacks from all the members of a team, that team can make a right direction to reach its goal. That also means lies would lower down the efficiency of a team. For example, I worked in a computer company. Once time, I proposed that we should change the old-fashion look of our computer to attract more consumers. Gladly, most of the members agreed with me. However, when some managers contended their opposition, suggesting all the employees should focus on the technology of the computer and discard my thoughts. Suddenly, most of the people changed their minds by saying my idea certainly would not goanna work. Because they didn't want to get a bad impression on managers, so they choose not to tell the truth. It turns out that other companies appeal a host of consumers by changing to a cool appearance. Thus, it is the lies that totally confuse the managers since they didn't get the authentic feedback from their employees.

Furthermore, it is the trust that sustains a healthy relationship with individual's friends and family. By sharing the real feelings, individuals build the trust with his/her friends and family. For example, once my friend—Tim told me we will meet at 5 o’clock then we can go to see a movie. However, informing me that he needed to take care of his mother who got a very urgent ill, he just didn't show up. It turns out that he forgot this appointment and played basketball the whole afternoon. Once knowing his dishonest, I can't trust him anymore since his behaviors severely discredit him. Afterwards, he started complain my suspicion and we just can't be a good friend anymore. Thus, we can see that how lies can contaminate the relationship with friends.

Of course, telling the truth is undeniably very difficult for all of us. Because truth has no decoration and temperature, it sometimes hurts others and left a negative impression on others. For example, I am not promoted for 3 years since I often offer my concerns to the decision my boss made. Also, when I finally told my girlfriend that I didn't love her anymore, she told me she will heat me for her whole life. But imaging if I lied to my boss and girlfriend, things may worsen, right? Far from being promoted or loved, I may make up 2 new lies when I make the first.

After rumination all the factors, we can reach at the conclusion easily that always telling the truth is the paramount thing in any relationship. Once individuals know this, they can walk away from lies, ensuring a great efficiency in their team and a healthy relationship with their friends and family.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-10 22:57
8.10 独立
It is more important to keep old friends than it is to make new friends.
Time:40M words:481

In my views, keeping the old friends is definitely more important than making new friends. We all know that humans need friends since we all need to share our feelings and we want we are needed by someone. Thus, we can see that why maintaining the relationship with old friends is more essential that building new relationships. That's because compared to new friends, old friends are rarer to us and it costs us enormous energy to build a new relationship.

First and foremost, old friends are far more precious that the new friends for old friends have been experience so many things with each other and they know each other well. For example, Jim and I know each other since we are in the primary school so he knows the unique characteristics of me and so do I. He knows that I like to make joy on others—of course it is often not funny—but I don't mean to negatively comment on others. Sometimes, if people can't find a topic to discuss, I often make some joys on Jim, and then people would laugh and be active in taking again. Being so familiar with me, he can totally tolerate the behavior of me. Thus, individuals can't never find a new friend who knows them so well and have so much patience on them.

Furthermore, it would certainly cost an individual more time and energy to make new friends than maintain the relationship with old friends. Making new friends is a difficult job which requires an individual to cautiously talk to each other so one can make a nice impression or to keep a friendly behavior to show his/her willingness. For instance, when I first came to college, it costs me 2 days to make a friend. At first, I have to do some brainstorms to find some interesting topics. In the meanwhile, I also have to be alert to my words in case I surprise him or make him misunderstood. Anyway, it is a long journey to find someone who has the same topics with me. However, when I come to Jim, we can easily talk for an hour and don't feel any uncomfortable.

Of course, making new friends is an inevitable thing. However, if individuals don't cherish the relationship with their old friends, what is the meaning of the new friends. It seems like a very unwise bargain for us. Losing someone who is so acquainted with you then spending so much time and energy to find someone else is purely preposterous, right?

After ruminations all the factors, we can no doubt reach at the conclusion that it is far more important for us to keep your old friends that to make new friends. Old friends not only are more precious to us but also save us a lot of energy and time.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-8-12 17:42
已修改，见附件

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-8-12 17:44
这篇不是你写的吧，和你的水平不符啊

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-12 17:56

GJason 发表于 2014-8-12 17:44
这篇不是你写的吧，和你的水平不符啊

谢谢啦，就是我写的。。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-12 21:27
In 20 yeas, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Car, as a major transportation, plays a definitely important role in human society. However, using of car has has three severely negative problems— which damage the environment of earth, decrease the efficiency of transportation and need to consume much nature energy in earth. Thus, we can easily reach at the conclusion that there will be fewer cars in use in the future.

The exhausts that cars emit, including carbon dioxide, undeniablely deteriorate the environment of earth. The increasing carbon dioxide lead to the global warming which deprives the homeland of vast amounts of animals and the souring sulfur dioxide bring us the acid rain which worsen the situation of trees and nests of many birds. Take the Antarctic as an example. Since the globe warming, the ice in the South Pole is melting in an aggressive speed, rendering that a slew of icebergs broken into pieces, the south bear need to take multiple efforts to find food, and the circumstance is not appropriate for animals to survive. The problems not only threaten the subsistence of animals in Antarctic but damage the whole biology system of earth. Due to the water melting from ice bergs, the ocean already cover some small islands, impelling the people living there to move to another place. Also, people need to use air condition more frequently, governments have to divert more money to deal with flood, and the acid rain impairs the appearance of buildings. Thus, we can see that the exhausts from cars not only influence the nature but also undermine the living condition of humans.

What's more, diminishing the using of cars would certainly increase the efficiency of transportation. We can already see that in metropolitan in China, the cars occupied every corner of a city, causing a host of traffic jams. Also, people goanna need enormous room to place their cars. In Bei Jing, the government already enforces some policies to control the numbers of cars, discouraging people to buy more cars and encouraging people to use mass transportation which is more efficient, such as bus, subway and etc. Mass transportation no doubt has more merits than cars, for it can transport more people, spend less time in certain distance and cost fewer resources like oil or space.

The last but not least, the energy, including the charcoal, oil and gas cannot support the using of car in the future. Since the speed we consuming these energy is far faster that the speed that the formation of these nature energy, the nature power would be exhausted within 100 years. Within 60 years, the nature energy would become extremely expensive due to its scarcity, people then cannot afford to run a car, even though the price of car is not high.

Admittedly, using cars is kind of convenient for us in current situation. However, using cars can't fulfill the future demand of humans. Since the 3 disadvantages of using car, in twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use that there are today.

作者: GJason 时间: 2014-8-13 13:58
1.字数很够啊，500多，词汇我也从你文里学了不少
2.有几处语法错误，需要注意。

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-19 11:16
Admittedly, some movies and television may contain violence and sex which may misguide adolescent. However, we can see that movies and television still have many merits—which offer individuals some education, a new world to experience, and a simple way to relax.

Movies and television offer people a terrific way to learn. The story in the movies and television often convey the thoughts of editors. By extracting the gist of that story, audiences often can apply the experience of the protagonist into their real lives. Take my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, as an example. Through the movies, the protagonist always show his positive attitudes to life, never give up in the most desperate situation and even remember to help others when he become totally free. Every time when I confront a dilemma in my life or on the edge of giving up, it is the mind of the protagonist that always cheers me up. Thus, we can see the movies and television sometimes better our lives.

Furthermore, movies and television enable individuals to experience a fictitious world. In authentic lives, people would play their own roles—somebody is accountant, somebody is waiter/waitress and someone is manager of a company. However, when people are watching movies and television, these entertainments provide us a new experience far from our real life, ranging from the ancient society to modern society. Take my favorite TV show, The Game of Thrones, as an example. There is a new world in that story, including dragons, white walkers, warriors and many fantasy creatures. It is purely exciting for me to imagine I am the protagonist climbing on an ice walls, killing my enemies to defend my lords, intriguing evil plots. On the country, I am an ordinary student without magic power in the real world. Thus, it is undeniable that movies and television permits people to get more experience in a fictitious world.

The last, watching movies and television is a fabulous way for people to get some relax. As for me, when I am swamped by my assignments or exhausted for preparing exams, the best way to relax is always watching Friends which is so funny. When I am enjoying the happiness of watching Friend, I often forget all the nuisance and totally released from all the pressures.

After rumination all the factors above, we can no doubt reach at the conclusion that movies and television are essential in our daily lives. We don't have to be so nervous to discourage adolescent to watch movies and television. They are just entertainment ways.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-8-26 18:40
Do you agree or disagree:
young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities.

The communities are places where we humans live, so it is really weired that nowadays young people do not give enough time to help their communities. Do they all show apathy to their commnuities? I don't think so. There are several reasons which could explain this phenomenen.

It is the current intensely stiff competition that hinder the ability of younth to care about their communities. After graduation from university, young people need to make a lot of important decisions in a very limited period. They gonna choose a career, eternal spouse and, etc. Their lives are just occupied and swamped by these things, so they can't engage themselves into caring about communities. For example, after I graduated from colleage, I found it is purely difficult to choose a carrer. The current undergraduates far outnumber the current positions that the companies offered to students. Not to mention some jobs like accountant, lawers, and doctors which requied an expertise. These professions are in a more stiff competition. At first, I became an computer scientist in a big company. Whereas, after 2 years, I just found out it is totally boring to me. Now I am concerning about the next job I should do. Thus, I really just don't have the time and energy to take care of my commnunities since I even can't take care of myself.

Furthermore, young people often don't have enough knowledges about communities. They don't know what field needs to improve, what part of government are responsible for certain problem, and what they can do to better the communites. Take my friend-Jim as an example. He is an outstanding computer science with the highest grades in my class. But what he knows has nothing to do with the communities. When we are looking the local news in the TV, sometimes we don't understand what they are discussing about. Once he wants to foucs on the topic about infants mortality, and he strive so hard to accquire some information. But it ended that we still are confused the derivation of the data, the department in govenment which is responsible for this field, and what questions do our commnities have now.

The last but not least, young people don't enjoy a good and virtuous environment of mass meadias. Often, the news of communites are not good informed. There are no details, including location, time and people. However, some other news for entertainment like eating, singing, or star affairs are usually mentioned details. Once, when I open the newspaper and try to read some activities in my communties. I find it is difficult to read. It is fiiled with words without an picture and there are no highlights information too.

Admittedly, helping our communities undeniably benefits everybody. But after rumination all the factors, we can easily reach at the conclusion that the young people do not give enough time to help their communities. But we should not just blame them, certainly there are some other problems in our society.

作者: mygirlzini 时间: 2014-8-27 14:48
1 连句比较丰富，篇幅也够
2 句子之间因果关系可以加强
3 建议多使用情态动词，程度，频率副词

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)