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标题: CD 写作小分队训练营--一雪作文23分耻 [打印本页]

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-10 21:08
标题: CD 写作小分队训练营--一雪作文23分耻
写作还是一大硬伤，一战写作没怎么准备24分；二战写作准备了没批改23分。从今天起，踏踏实实练习写作。求监督，求共勉，求猛拍。

TPO 综合写作27

The reading passage concentrate on the subject of causes of the Little Ice Age. The speech explores the same issue. According the passage, there are three possible causes to explain the cause of the Little Ice Age; however, the professor maintains that these theories are out-of-date and none of them is account for the formation of the Little Ice Age.

At the very beginning, even though the reading passage indicate that the disrupting of the Gulf Stream is responsible for the cause of the Little Ice Age, the professor argues in the lecture that the disrupting of the Gulf Stream can not fully explain the cause of the Little Ice Age. This is because disrupting of the Gulf Stream only affect the European and northern America; yet the Little Ice Age also include the New Zealand and southern Africa besides the European and northern America.

In addition, in sharp contrast to the statement in the reading that volcanic eruption create the Little Ice Age, the professor contends that the eruption of volcano is not enough to decrease the temperature. Then he support his point with the fact that as the eruption of volcano, there are many dark clouds of dust, sulfur gas which would cool temperature as well as some noticeable visual effect such as colorful sunlight, snow instead of white ; however, there are not records about such visual facts happened.

Finally, the professor asserts that there are not enough time for the decrease of human population to cause the Little Ice Age whereas the author of the reading claims that the decrease of human population indirectly cooling of climate by decline greenhouse effect. The professor proves that this claim is specious by pointing out that human population growing quickly and people would cut down trees to feed the increased population. So the human population effect had not last long enough to cause long term cooling.

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-11 20:50
TPO 综合写作28 不知道有提高没，这篇没用模板。

The reading passage is mainly about three theories of supporting the truth of claim by Peary. The speech explores the same issue. According the passage, the three arguments provide support the truth of Peary's claim that he have reached the North Pole on April 7,1909; however, the professor argues in the lecture that these three theories are unconvincing.

At the very beginning, the reading passage indicate that the National Geographic Society provided a committee concluded that Peary was actually reached the North Pole; however, the professor cast the doubt on the credibility of the committee's conclusion. Then the professor strengthen her point with the fact that since the committee was composed by Peary's close friends and most of them invested a mount of money on this expedition. Plus, the investment of the committee only last for 2 days and according claim from the Peary himself that the record made by the committee was not carefully, so the words from the committee was not trustworthy.

In addition, as for the point of speed, the author of the passage asserts that on the basis of the recent experience of Tom Avery, a British explorer, who used the same equipment as Peary had, and reached the North Pole in less than 37 days; thus, it is possible for Peary reached the North Pole. However, the professor point out that there are too much differences among 2 expeditions, so it is unreasonable to draw the statement that Peary actually arrived the North Pole in 37 days .For example, Tom brought much less food on dogsled than Peary did and the food of tom was delivered by airplane; Tom came through a favorable weather condition than Peary did. Apparently, the expeditions of Tom's and Peary's are not comparable.

Finally, the reading passage declares that the surf's position established from photographs taken by Peary corresponds exactly to the true position at the North Pole on that day; however, the professor thinks that these photographs cannot prove anything. This is because the shadow should be compared precisely with the photographs. Yet the camera that recorded the shadow of the surf's position was out-of-date from 100 year's ago and the photographs faded over time. So the blur, faded photographs cannot reflect the shadow precisely, and they should not be used as reference for certifying the truth of Peary's photographs; thus, people cannot confident enough to claim that the photograph made by Peary were really taken from the North Pole.

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-7-11 22:17
终于爬上来看综合了～～～亲久等了。

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-7-11 22:24
错误修改好

The reading passage concentrate on the subject of （the subject of感觉累赘了，可以删去）causes of the Little Ice Age. The speech explores the same issue. According（＋to） the passage, there are three possible causes to explain the cause of the Little Ice Age; however, the professor maintains that these theories are out-of-date and none of them is account （account是动词，无需系动词is）for the formation of the Little Ice Age.

At the very beginning, even though the reading passage indicate that the disrupting of the Gulf Stream is responsible for the cause of（be responsible for和the cause of意思一样，删去一个） the Little Ice Age, the professor argues in the lecture that the disrupting of the Gulf Stream can not fully explain the cause of the Little Ice Age. This is because disrupting of the Gulf Stream only affect the European and northern America; yet the Little Ice Age also include the New Zealand and southern Africa besides the European and northern America.

In addition, in sharp contrast to the statement in the reading that volcanic eruption create the Little Ice Age, the professor contends that the eruption of volcano is not （＋strong）enough to decrease the temperature. Then he support his point with the fact that as（as用法错误：as作为介词，后面应该只能接某种身份，比如as a student；如果你想表达的意思是连词形式，那么应该后面接句子） the eruption of volcano, there are many dark clouds of dust, sulfur gas which would cool temperature as well as some noticeable visual effect such as colorful sunlight, snow instead of white ; however, there are not records about such visual facts happened.

Finally, the professor asserts that there are not enough time for the decrease of human population to cause the Little Ice Age whereas the author of the reading claims that the decrease of human population indirectly cooling of climate by decline greenhouse effect. The professor proves that this claim is specious by pointing out that human population growing quickly and people would cut down trees to feed the increased population. So the human population effect had not last long enough to cause long term cooling.

没有什么大问题，听力很好，该有的点全在。
需要注意一下第三人称动词要用三单形式。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-12 10:32

DearBug 发表于 2014-7-11 20:50
TPO 综合写作28 不知道有提高没，这篇没用模板。

hi~~~ 我们互改，晚点发改好的稿子上来哦！

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:20

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-7-11 22:24
错误修改好

The reading passage concentrate on the subject of （the subject of感觉累赘了 ...

谢谢你。好认真。我语法挺差劲的。然后很多语法错误，句式表达也不怎么会。以前都是自己乱写，然后不怎么改，所以两次都是fair。这个是用模板写的。不知道用模板写会不会影响分数？

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:20

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-7-11 22:24
错误修改好

The reading passage concentrate on the subject of （the subject of感觉累赘了 ...

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:23

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-12 10:32
hi~~~ 我们互改，晚点发改好的稿子上来哦！

好滴。你的我改好了。发过去了。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-12 21:01
The reading passage is mainly about three theories of supporting the truth of claim by Peary. The speech explores the same issue（个人感觉这句话有点突兀而且多余，不如直接放到第一句里面both the reading passage and the listening material ...). According the passage, the three arguments provide support the truth of Peary's claim that he have reached the North Pole on April 7,1909; however, the professor argues in the lecture that these three theories are unconvincing.

At the very beginning, the reading passage indicate（单数） that the National Geographic Society provided a committee concluded （感觉语法不对，是不是to conclude？或者这里直接用investigate这个词，避免跟后面CONCLUSION重复） that Peary was actually reached the North Pole; however, the professor cast the doubt on the credibility of the committee's conclusion. Then the professor strengthen her point with the fact that since the committee was composed by Peary's close friends and most of them invested a mount of money on this expedition. Plus, the investment of the committee only last for 2 days and according（是according to 吧） claim from the Peary himself that the record made by the committee was not carefully, so the words from the committee was not trustworthy.

In addition, as for the point of speed, the author of the passage asserts that on the basis of the recent experience of Tom Avery, a British explorer, who used the same equipment as Peary had, and reached the North Pole in less than 37 days; thus, it is possible for Peary reached the North Pole. However, the professor point out that there are too much 用many吧 differences among 2 expeditions, so it is unreasonable to draw the statement that Peary actually arrived the North Pole in 37 days .For example, Tom brought much less food on dogsled than Peary did and the food of tom was delivered by airplane; Tom came through a favorable weather condition than Peary did. Apparently, the expeditions of Tom's and Peary's are not comparable.

Finally, the reading passage declares that the surf's position established from photographs taken by Peary corresponds exactly to the true position at the North Pole on that day; however, the professor thinks that these photographs cannot prove anything. This is because the shadow should be compared precisely with the photographs. Yet the camera that recorded the shadow of the surf's position was out-of-date from 100 year's ago and the photographs faded over time. So the blur, faded photographs cannot reflect the shadow precisely, and they should not be used as reference for certifying（to certify） the truth of Peary's photographs; thus, people cannot（couldnot be） confident enough to claim that the photograph made by Peary were really taken from the North Pole.
这里感觉不是照相机过时了，是照片质量太差吧。。。

然后卤煮总是主谓单复数不一致，多注意哟~！~~~~~
然后就是这类没有结尾要紧咩？我也不清楚.......

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-12 21:02

DearBug 发表于 2014-7-12 17:23
好滴。你的我改好了。发过去了。

谢谢啦~~~ 我也帮你改好了，记得修改哦！

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 21:43
7月12日综合

哎，感觉怎么练还是写不好。没点进步。听力听不好，就完全写不粗来了。有个植物名字写不出。哎。
明天开始独立吧。感觉综合，真是没感觉。桑心。

The reading passage is mainly about the survival of edmontosaur during the wintertime which is totally dark. The speech explores the same issue. According to the passage, there are three reasons in support of the explanation that edmontosaur survived the winter by migrating south to more hospitable regions; the professor, however, points to the inaccuracies in each of these reasons.

At the very beginning, even though the reading passage indicate that edmontosaur had to migrate from dark North Slope to other place to find food, the professor argues in the lecture that the edmontosaur did not have to find food on other place.This is because 100million years ago, the summer was wamer than today and sunshine was at the peak of summer during whole 24 hours which rendered a good growing condition for plant and left many nutritious food for edmontosaur. Therefore, edmontosaur can have dead nutritious plant for edmontosaur to feed during winter.

In addition, the reading explains that since fossils revealed that edmontosaur lived in herd and many modern animals which lives in herd as well have behavior of migration , edmontosaur had behavior of migration, is also rejected by the professor. He declares that animals that live in herd have other reasons and not all animals live in herd does not migrate to other place. Then he support his point with the fact that some animals live in herd in order to protect themselves from predictors and some of them also live in the same area in whole years. For example, a large plant-eater live in herd does not migrate.

Finally, regarding the physically capable of migrating long distances, the professor contends that for juvenile edmontosaurs ,they were not capable of migrating so far and would slow down the speed of whole edmontosaurs’ migration to destination. Plus, adult edmontosaurs would not leave their juvenile children behind them, so it is impossible for them to migrate during the winter instead of trying to survival in the North Slope in the winter.

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 22:04
7月12日综合

哎，感觉怎么练还是写不好。没点进步。听力听不好，就完全写不粗来了。有个植物名字写不出。哎。
明天开始独立吧。感觉综合，真是没感觉。桑心。

The reading passage is mainly about the survival of edmontosaur during the wintertime which is totally dark. The speech explores the same issue. According to the passage, there are three reasons in support of the explanation that edmontosaur survived the winter by migrating south to more hospitable regions; the professor, however, points to the inaccuracies in each of these reasons.

At the very beginning, even though the reading passage indicate that edmontosaur had to migrate from dark North Slope to other place to find food, the professor argues in the lecture that the edmontosaur did not have to find food on other place.This is because 100million years ago, the summer was wamer than today and sunshine was at the peak of summer during whole 24 hours which rendered a good growing condition for plant and left many nutritious food for edmontosaur. Therefore, edmontosaur can have dead nutritious plant for edmontosaur to feed during winter.

In addition, the reading explains that since fossils revealed that edmontosaur lived in herd and many modern animals which lives in herd as well have behavior of migration , edmontosaur had behavior of migration, is also rejected by the professor. He declares that animals that live in herd have other reasons and not all animals live in herd does not migrate to other place. Then he support his point with the fact that some animals live in herd in order to protect themselves from predictors and some of them also live in the same area in whole years. For example, a large plant-eater live in herd does not migrate.

Finally, regarding the physically capable of migrating long distances, the professor contends that for juvenile edmontosaurs ,they were not capable of migrating so far and would slow down the speed of whole edmontosaurs’ migration to destination. Plus, adult edmontosaurs would not leave their juvenile children behind them, so it is impossible for them to migrate during the winter instead of trying to survival in the North Slope in the winter.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-13 13:33
请修改好哦！

The reading passage is mainly about the survival of edmontosaur during the wintertime which is totally dark. The speech explores（好！） the same issue. According to the passage, there are three reasons in support of the explanation that edmontosaur survived the winter by migrating south to more hospitable regions; the professor, however, points to the inaccuracies in each of these reasons.

At the very beginning, even though the reading passage indicate that edmontosaur had to migrate from dark North Slope to other place（places） to find food, the professor argues in the lecture that the edmontosaur did not have to find food on other place.This is because 100million years ago, the summer was wamer than today and sunshine was at the peak of summer during whole 24 hours which rendered a good growing condition for plant and left many nutritious food for edmontosaur. Therefore, edmontosaur can have dead nutritious plant for edmontosaur to feed during winter.

In addition, the reading explains that since fossils revealed that edmontosaur lived in herd and many modern animals which lives in herd as well have behavior of migration（感觉改成migrate as well 更加简单明了一些） , edmontosaur had behavior of migration, is also rejected by the professor. He declares that animals that live in herd have other reasons and not all animals live in herd does not migrate to other place. （我觉得这句话意思说反了，应该是并非所有in herd 的动物都迁移吧）Then he support his point with the fact that some animals live in herd in order to protect themselves from predictors（predators） and some of them also live in the same area in whole years. For example, a large plant-eater live in herd does not migrate.

Finally, regarding the physically capable of migrating long distances, the professor contends that for juvenile edmontosaurs ,they were not capable of（这个短语这句话用过了，看看能不能同义词替换一下吧） migrating so far and would slow down the speed of whole edmontosaurs’ migration to destination. Plus, adult edmontosaurs would not leave their juvenile children behind them, so it is impossible for them to migrate during the winter instead of trying to survival（survive） in the North Slope in the winter.

主谓单复数错误还是有，感觉楼主听的挺全的吖~~~ 还是多注意语法错误吧！

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-13 15:57

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-13 13:33
请修改好哦！

The reading passage is mainly about the survival of edmontosaur during the wintertime ...

谢谢你。语法很烂。继续加油。你的待会发给你。

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-7-18 21:36

DearBug 发表于 2014-7-12 17:20
谢谢你。好认真。我语法挺差劲的。然后很多语法错误，句式表达也不怎么会。以前都是自己乱写，然后不怎么 ...

不好意思，才看见回复～我个人不太喜欢模版痕迹重的作文。如果能自然的用一些复杂句式，当然是非常好的。

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