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标题: 资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！ [打印本页]

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-10 11:18
标题: 资深少女作文贴~~~我写我写我写写写老子不信你的邪！
这里是贾贾的作文贴~
多谢大家修改！

先贴了独立写作的，贾贾发现自己的TPO只到24悲剧了，有哪位小伙伴好心能把TPO软件发我一份~~~ 谢谢啦！

作者: 小蘑菇开始打怪 时间: 2014-7-11 12:34

Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as efficiency among people throughout the world. As nowadays people invented various methods to complete assignments more efficiently, topic among whether we should take actions at once since patience is usually not a good thing has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, though patience has its merits to perfect results, I still assert that taking actions immediately is a better way for most of us.

On top of my argument, admittedly, patience is a necessary requirement for some kind of jobs. For example, writer or scriptwriter needs a long time to create the story frameworks and reviews them repeatedly in order to produce a magnificent literary work. The whole procedure, normally take years, requires a considerate amount of patience. What’s more, you cannot demand a writer to inspire a flow of ideas in a limited time, which is not realistic as well. Therefore, to these certain jobs, patience is a good quality.

In addition, however, taking actions at once can help overcome the laziness. Usually, patience is only an excuse for delay. Instead, the true reason behind patience is that people tend to be lazy to avoid a load of work. Just take my own experience as an example. My math teacher once assigned a difficult set of problems, the deadline of which is two weeks later in order to provide us enough time to thinking deeply. I should have taken the time to solve them, but once I reminded that the deadline is still far away, I just gave up thinking and turned to other simple assignments. As the deadline approaches, I was still stepping around the start and, as a result, I got such a low mark on this course that I regretted a lot. Many circumstances are just like my example above, people used to start until the deadline is around the corner when they have to complete them right away. Therefore, it is the laziness that stops one’s process. The best way to overcome laziness is to start right away to improve efficiency.

Further more, to most of us, individual values are still reflected by working outcome, that is to say, higher efficiency can help us better results in that we have more time to improve. Just as a saying goes, ‘ A slow sparrow should make an early start.’ Taking actions immediately can save us more time. Besides, one can better himself only after exposed his weaknesses. One may find it is hard to start, but how can one find out the shortcomings without the start. Thus, taking actions without delay can better one’s performance as a result.

After ruminating all my elements, although certain jobs need patience, overcoming laziness and bettering the performance are both compelling justifications to take actions at once. For most us, I recommend that we cannot take patience as an excuse and just take actions right now to improve efficiency.

楼主写得很好了啊！。。一点改进就是可以把让步段放在最后，不然一上来就让步显得底气不足。
我没看出什么语法和拼写错误，然后就是学习到不少好短语和表达方式~

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-11 13:08
这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-11 13:09

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 12:34
Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.
Perhaps no issue is talked as ...

这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

作者: 小蘑菇开始打怪 时间: 2014-7-11 13:37

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-11 13:09
这是把我的作文贴出来了还没有改咩？
不好意思喔~~ 下次我直接贴出来

我还在改~~

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-11 21:23

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 12:34
Patience is usually not a good thing. We should take actions at once.
Perhaps no issue is talked as ...

T___T 我差不多考试的时候也这么写，可是两次都是23，落泪

作者: 小蘑菇开始打怪 时间: 2014-7-11 22:23

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-11 21:23
T___T 我差不多考试的时候也这么写，可是两次都是23，落泪

啊为什么，明明写得很好啊。。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-11 22:44

小蘑菇开始打怪发表于 2014-7-11 22:23
啊为什么，明明写得很好啊。。

我也郁闷，今天练了综合
两次成绩上综合都是fair，可能是综合写的太烂了之前也没怎么在意吧！不能掉以轻心啊！

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-11 22:45
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In th reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are grounless. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends that National Geographic Society ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contray, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the National Geographic Society are Peary's friends, who contributed to the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days using dogsled under the same circumstances. the professor points out that the Tom dropped the food to reduce the loads and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which mde this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs are faded and blurted, which could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

感觉自己第三点没有听清楚，应该是不全啦嘤嘤嘤
表达上替换也做的不好，谢谢Dearbug给我改啦！！！

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:14
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In th reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are grounless. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.

1. Remark upon the topic 这个表达挺好的。
2.In the reading passage, 这里的th -> the
3.这里grounless ->groundless
开头用词挺好的，但是感觉后面有点啰嗦了。我也和楼主一样，用的模板，但是第二次考试还不如第一次考试也是23.所以我总结了一下，开头有点啰嗦。当然这是个人的意见了。

First and foremost, the writer contends that National Geographic Society ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contray, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the National Geographic Society are Peary's friends, who contributed to the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

1.第一个理由，首先Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment；我觉得听力原文中有明确提到committee，而且是committee确保P的真实性，所以应该重点在committee上。
2. On the contray -> contrary 这种模板的一部分，楼主应该多注意点，我好像也是这种错误太多导致失分太多的。
3.听力中提到是investigators in the committee ，不知道写成the National Geographic Society 可以不。
4.听力中也提到了这些朋友投资了钱在里面，楼主写上应该会更完整点。

Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days using dogsled under the same circumstances. the professor points out that the Tom dropped the food to reduce the loads and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which mde this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.

1.the professor 是另起一行，应该是The
2.我觉得听力里说了T和P用的是相同的equipment，但是circumstance就和下文中讲的天气状况有点相互矛盾。
3.还有就是，讲到T和P不同的时候，其中对于载货量这个说法，听力说是T的食物是从飞机上dropped，但是不是为了减少载货量而dropped food。不知道这样说对不对。
4.单词 mde-> made

Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs are faded and blurted, which could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.

1.单词photograhs->photographs envidence -> evidence
2.感觉这一段有点短，但是基本信息都全了。比我强多了，我第三段直接理解错误了。

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:15

DearBug 发表于 2014-7-12 17:14
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the ...

总结一下，感觉作文词汇，时态什么的都很准确。比我强太多了，有点拼写错误，也比我强。还有就是感觉听力内容听到的不多。加强听力吧。表达方式也很多样化。不错不错。继续加油。

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-12 17:17
还要就是我语法不好。所以我检查过应该没啥语法错误。如果有我也帮不到忙了。不好意思哈。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-12 20:44
修改后成稿：
最后一段还是没有加到跟前面两段一样长。。。功力还需修炼啊！！！

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic that whether Robert E. Peary has reached the North Pole actually. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates to support the truth of Peary's claim. The professor in the lecture, however, hosts a totally disparate view that the arguments provided are groundless, which, unquestionably, casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends that the committee ensured the credibility of Peary's accounts according to his records and equipment. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that the investigators in the committee are Peary's friends, who contributed to fund the expedition. What's more, they spent just 2 days on the investigation, which is too less to get the thorough result. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Further more, running counter to the belief in the passage that the British explorer Tom Avery also made trek in less than 37 days usingd the same kind of dogsled as well as the same breed of dogs, the professor points out that the Tom didn't have to carry a load of food since the air plane would drop it along the road( dropped the food to reduce the loads )and encountered better weather condition compared to Peary, which made this trek within limited days possible. The claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the shadows in Peary's photographs match exactly with the surf location that day. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- the photograhs were taken more than one hundred years ago, which are so faded and blurted that could be fake and cannot give solid envidence for Peary's reach.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-13 13:19
TPO 29 综合

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.

First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow prospectly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance? Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

作者: DearBug 时间: 2014-7-13 21:41
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.

这个开头写得不错。感觉你动词，词组都用得挺好的。

First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that  summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow prospectly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.
1.prospectly 这个词用错了，可以用flourishingly

Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

2.这个地方有个挺重要的听力细节就是那个植物，群居但是不迁徙的。不知道这个影响分数不

Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance?  Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

总结：语法错误挺少的，比第一次来说感觉进步大大滴。然后楼主的独立作文应该写得挺好的感觉。因为词组运用，还有单词量都不错。替换词用得挺好。加油。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-15 14:08

TPO29 修改

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of whether the edmontosaurs migrated south to survived the winter. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that inhospitable environment in the North Slope urged the edmontosaurs to migrate. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally different view that they didn't have to migrate, which unquestionably casts doubt on the reading part.

First and Foremost, the writer contends that the edmontosaurs must move to the south to find food in the winter, when it is dark and cold in North slope. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that  summer time was such a favorable weather there that plants all grow flourishingly. In that way, edmontosaurs could feed on dead plants to gain nutrition as well. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthur more, running counter to the belief in passage that edmontosaurs lived in herd, which helps animals coordinate their migration, the professor points out that some other reasons may also lead to living in herds, such as to gain protection from predators and so on.The professor just takes a kind of plant-eater as an example, saying that the animals live in herds but never migrate.Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that edmontosaurs could use its locomotive power to migrating long distances up to 1600 kilometers southward. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material -- how could juveniles move such a long distance?  Because adult edmontosaurs could never leave juveniles behind, who could not survive on their own, edmontosaurs were not able to reach the destination as hypothesized.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

这篇还是使用的模板，现在最大的问题就是有时候听力里面会有举例，听不清楚但是大概能懂意思。以后还是写在作文里面吧

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-16 00:03
7.15 独立写作：Agree or Disagree: Teachers were moreappreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there even exist some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.

In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.

Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers in terms of replaceable.

After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for teacher’s being less appreciated and valued nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.

作者: slave918 时间: 2014-7-16 16:06
修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.
1.红色部分我觉得教学设备、方法的发展跟老师的地位之间的直接联系好像不那么明显。

First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there even exist some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.
1.红色部分这个结构，学习了。但是有个小问题，不知道我说的对不对。leading的主语应该是前面整句话吧？我直觉leading后面要加一个宾语。改成：leading the teacher to a highly appreciated status.
2.橘黄的部分，我觉得怪怪的。 there exsit 可以吗？
3.总的来说，我觉得论证很好哦。

In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.
1.红色resource应为复数吧，因为对应的是today’s educational resources
2.总的来说吧，我会觉得例子讲得是：祖父的经历，他教育我要尊重老师，因为老师稀缺。是不是这个例子没有论证到稀缺这件事？by the way 那句谚语很好啊。

Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers in terms of replaceable.
1.红色部分，我会觉得这句话说的不够明白，透彻。

After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for teacher’s being less appreciated and valued nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.
1. 红色部分，这句话有点GMAT作文的意思，厉害厉害。但我有个疑问，teacher’s being less appreciated and valued 总觉得不太对呀

如有改的不对的地方，还请见谅。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-16 20:00
修改稿
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as education by people throughout the world. As the development of new teaching equipment and creative teaching method, topic concerning the status of teachers has triggered an intense discussion. There are reasons in support of both sides of the debate. In my point of view, I assert that teachers are more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

First and foremost, access to knowledge has become increasingly various. In the past, teacher might be the mainly accessible way that most people use to acquire knowledge, leading them to a highly appreciated status due to its essentiality. However, it is totally opposite nowadays. For instance, people can learn through video online, which contains wide scope of knowledge according to individual’s preference. What’s more, there are even some online exams, which can test how much you grasped after learning. Those new teaching equipment and methods promote the progress of learning. Since the learner can grasp the knowledge without the teachers, the role they played is actually being impaired as a result. Therefore, the impact of teacher has been weakened today.

In addition, education opportunity could be gained easily nowadays. Compared to the scarce teaching resource in the past, when only the aristocrats could afford to hire a teacher, today’s educational resources can be available to almost everyone. Just take my grandfather as an example. He quitted school after primary school due to the scarce learning oppoturnity that time. When I was a naughty girl, my grandfather always required me to complete homework carefully even though the assignment was a bit boring. Because my grandfather thought it is a represent of respect to teacher, who was quite valuable when he was young since the chance to education is considerably rare. Just as a saying goes, when a thing becomes rare, it goes precious. However, teacher is a kind of common job position nowadays. Thus the teachers could be less valued today than in the past.

Further more, there are more other decent jobs that are appreciated and valued by people at the moment. Commonly, people tend to appreciate and value the one who grasp some specific intelligence or master some unique skills. In the past, teacher is such a sample that knows more than others. On the contrary, teacher nowadays seems not so professional since the information is spread so rapidly. Jobs like lawyer or scientist appear in the modern society, which could be more appreciated and valued compared to teachers since these job positions are less likely to be replaced by others.

After rumination all the factors, the easily gained access to knowledge, the available educational resource and other more decent jobs are all compelling justifications for less appreciated and valued teacher's status nowadays. As a student, we should come up with the trend, using new methods to acquire the knowledge you are curious about.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-16 20:33
Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view. The lecture unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spread to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new stuffs would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increase the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - - working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consitant supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-18 20:42
717 独立原始稿
Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as healthy by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are still some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well, which would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on having organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is the people’s mindset that decides which kind of food you would choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, causing stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes like high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.

作者: xiaofan0205 时间: 2014-7-18 21:01
修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as healthy by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.
改成 as common as health 的话句子理解起来比较通顺，其他部分都很好

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are still some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well, which would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on having organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is the people’s mindset that decides which kind of food you would choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.
1、still 和 as well 表达意思重复，用其中一个就可以
2、which的指代不明确，从句义上来看，既可以指代other food-related ads，也可以指代balanced diets，或者是指代前面整个句子？
3、having也可以用，但是感觉不是最贴切的，可能用taking或者eating更好？这里可以再想想
4、the可以去掉，这里不用特指
5、you would和前面people's mindset不匹配，可以用they would，或者直接用to 更简洁
整个句子的结构很好，逻辑比较充分

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, causing stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.
整个段落表达流畅，但是如果能把中心句在句首提炼一下会更好。

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.（这句话用的挺好）

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes like high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.
1、like改成such as更适合表达举例
2、embrace这个用词很好，很形象。

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-7-18 22:20
错误修改好

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view. The lecture unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.（不算错误，但与前面一句话意思相近，读起来有点累赘）

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spread（spreaded） to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new stuffs（员工是staff） would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increase（increasing） the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - - working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose（lose） job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consitant （consistent）supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

写的很好！注意拼写即可。

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-22 17:02
先占楼，改717独立：

修改稿

Perhaps no issue is talked as commonly as health by people throughout the world. As the sub-healthy problems have been spread these years, topic upon whether advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, either of the aspect has its own merits and demerits. Nevertheless, after taking all the elements into account, I assert that advertising should not be blamed for causing unhealthy eating habits.
改成 as common as health 的话句子理解起来比较通顺，其他部分都很好
这里我觉得commonly副词才能修饰talked 不知道common可否用在这里

First and foremost, advertisements would not help customers to decide which to purchase. As the advertisements are becoming increasingly attractive, it appears that it is the ads that persuade people to consume fast food. However, there are some other food-related ads that broadcast balanced diets as well. These ads would oppositely promote the healthy lifestyle. For instance, my aunt insisted on taking organic vegetables after watching the organic food advertisements, which promotes that organic food would benefit your health and prevent malnutrition. Actually, it is people’s mindset that decides which kind of food to choose instead of advertisement. Even if the ads were really tempting but unhealthy, you would not choose it since your diet standard is to be extremely healthy.
1、still 和 as well 表达意思重复，用其中一个就可以
2、which的指代不明确，从句义上来看，既可以指代other food-related ads，也可以指代balanced diets，或者是指代前面整个句子？
3、having也可以用，但是感觉不是最贴切的，可能用taking或者eating更好？这里可以再想想
4、the可以去掉，这里不用特指
5、you would和前面people's mindset不匹配，可以用they would，或者直接用to 更简洁
整个句子的结构很好，逻辑比较充分

In addition, other causes may also lead to an unhealthy eating habit. Under the high pressure and fast-pace lifestyle, people were forced to eat in a rush so that more time would be saved to improve individual performance. This is another main reason that most people ignore healthy diet. A recent survey conducted by New York university indicates that the long-last exposure to high pressure would cause irregular eating habit, leading to stomach illness in the end. Therefore, advertisement is not the main factor to be blamed for.
整个段落表达流畅，但是如果能把中心句在句首提炼一下会更好。

Admittedly, some fast food advertisements did mislead targeted consumers to develop an unhealthy eating habit. However, it is the greedy mind that plays an important role in determining which kind of food to take in. For most of us who can control ourselves from overeating, food on advertisements are just fresh choices to try instead of main food to rely on.（这句话用的挺好）

After ruminating all the elements, although some food advertisements are attractive, the incentives to choose food, the other causes such as high pressure and fast pace are all compelling justifications for denying advertisements as the main factor to cause unhealthy eating habit. It’s high time that we should select balanced diets ourselves to embrace a healthy lifestyle.
1、like改成such as更适合表达举例
2、embrace这个用词很好，很形象。

感谢修改！真的改的很好！

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-22 17:04

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-7-18 22:20
错误修改好

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time opti ...

先占楼，感谢队长修改

Both the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of working time option. In the reading passage, the writer demonstrates that a four-day weekday benefits both the company and the employee. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view，which unqueationably casts doubt on the reading part.（不算错误，但与前面一句话意思相近，读起来有点累赘）

First and foremost, the writer contends that a four-day weekday could benefit the economy because the shortened workweek would help emplyees make fewer mistakes and then increase the whole profits. The same work load could be spreaded to more workers. On the contrary, the listening part asserts that hiring new staff（员工是staff） would spend more because of the training and medical benefits. What's more, more office space and computers are also needed. In that case, less profits could be made as a whole. Therefore, the lecture is opposite to the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, running counter to the belief in the passage that more jobs could be created without increasing（increasing） the total cost and employees would feel less stressed because of the reduced work load, the professor points out that less working time could raise the employer's expectation that the same amount of work could be completed within 4 days, which would lead to working overtime and make employees unpleasant as a result. In addition, no additional jobs would be created as well. Thus the claim is at odds with the reading part.

Finally, the writer claims that the option of a four day work could improve the life quality in that it provides more extra time to enjoy private time. This idea is refuted by what is stated in the listening material - - working 4 days a week would reduce the chances for grasing more working skills. Therefore, those who choose this option would be the first to loose（lose） job when economy crisis comes. Besides, they would be passed over for promotion since the company wants the one with consistent （consistent）supervision.

To sum up, the standpoints in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-22 17:05
722 综合：
TPO 9
Both of the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's main source power. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is the most promising alternative source so far. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view that this engine is not the best solution, which casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends that petroleum is a finite resource while hydrogen, which can be derived from natural gas or water, cannot be easily depleted. On the contrary, the professor claims that even if hydrogen can be derived from various sources, it is not easily available as imagined. For example, only pure state water used to derive, which is expensive to produce and store. Therefore, the reading passage is opposite to the lecture.

In addition, running counter to the belief in the reading passage that hydrogen-based cars will solve the pollution problems in that the byproduct of fuel-cell engines is water, the professor explains that the producing procedure of hydrogen includes burning a large amount of coal or oil, which harms the environment as well. Thus the lecture is at odds with the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, the writer points out that operating a fuel-cell engine spends less since it is more efficient in the energy to power the car. However, this idea is refuted by what is stated in the lecture that the fuel-cell engine requires an expensive metal to produce and only this kind of metal will work, which would rise the cost as a result.

To sum up, the reading passage is totally jeopardized by the lecture.

作者: jiajy930809 时间: 2014-7-24 19:32

jiajy930809 发表于 2014-7-22 17:05
722 综合：
TPO 9
Both of the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's main so ...

修改贴： TPO9 综合

TPO 9

Bothof the writer and the professor remark upon the topic of automobile's mainsource power. The writer in the reading passage demonstrates thathydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is the most promising alternative source sofar. The professor in the lecture, however, holds a totally disparate view thatthis engine is not the best solution, which casts doubt on the reading passage.

First and foremost, the writer contends thatpetroleum is a finite resource while hydrogen, which can be derived fromnatural gas or water, cannot be easily depleted. On the contrary, the professorclaims that even if hydrogen can be derived from various sources, it is not easily usable asimagined since only pure liquid hydrogen can be used as energy, which is difficult to produce and store. . Therefore, the reading passage isopposite to the lecture.

Inaddition, running counter to the belief in the reading passage thathydrogen-based cars will solve the pollution problems in that the byproduct offuel-cell engines is water, the professor explains that the producing procedureof liquid hydrogen includes burning a largeamount of coal or oil, which harms the environment as well. Thus the lecture isat odds with the writer's expectation.

Furthermore, the writer points out thatoperating a fuel-cell engine spends less since it is more efficient in deriving energy to power the car. However, this idea is refuted by what is stated inthe lecture that the fuel-cell engine requires an expensive and rare metal to produce and only this kind of metalwill permit hydrogen to undergo chemical reactions, which would rise the cost as a result.

Tosum up, the reading passage is totally jeopardized by the lecture.

感谢小伙伴修改，这篇我是真的看到自己听力的弱点了，最后蓝色标注的地方我又去看了听力原文，觉得是这个engine 制造而不是装 liquid的容器贵，这个容器在文中没有讲到。
今天开始洗心革面换场子了~

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