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标题: jennyer的写作贴 [打印本页]

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-20 21:55
标题: jennyer的写作贴
写作实在苦手，硬着头皮加油！求指点共勉

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-20 21:58
6.20 独立 People care more about public recognition than about money. Even if no money is given, public recognition can still make people work harder.

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-21 20:59
6.21独立写作人们应该坚持有挑战性的梦想还是注重实现现实的梦想

作者: ENJ0Y 时间: 2014-6-21 23:41

jennyer 发表于 2014-6-20 21:58
6.20 独立 People care more about public recognition than about money. Even if no money is given, p ...

已改，请查阅！

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-22 12:02

ENJ0Y 发表于 2014-6-21 23:41
已改，请查阅！

感谢你的批改，我上次的独立只拿到了fair，作文的确存在很多问题，所以你批改的这篇我可能有些过度依赖模板了，你指出的语法时态句式的错误，大多是我直接从他人模板上引用的，可能我们都需要斟酌一下。
因为上次考试的文章写的很老套的五段式，主要讲观点例子很弱得分较低，所以这次以为需要从例子突破一下，看了你的观点发现似乎太重写例子会让文章显得没有主题，那似乎level就更低了，之后我会注意努力平衡一下，谢谢。

作者: ENJ0Y 时间: 2014-6-22 15:17

jennyer 发表于 2014-6-22 12:02
感谢你的批改，我上次的独立只拿到了fair，作文的确存在很多问题，所以你批改的这篇我可能有些过度依赖模 ...

时态主要在你的例子里面，描述过去的事情肯定要用一般过去时。没有明确指出观点，平衡一下会更好。

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-22 16:17

ENJ0Y 发表于 2014-6-22 15:17
时态主要在你的例子里面，描述过去的事情肯定要用一般过去时。没有明确指出观点，平衡一下会更好。 ...

了解了，谢谢~

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-22 16:19
6.22独立写作
Students could receive a better, more efficient education if they spend 11 months a year for studying.

作者: ENJ0Y 时间: 2014-6-22 21:04

jennyer 发表于 2014-6-21 20:59
6.21独立写作人们应该坚持有挑战性的梦想还是注重实现现实的梦想

已改，请查阅。

作者: ENJ0Y 时间: 2014-6-23 09:45
亲，我621的独立也是你这里改，啥时候有空帮忙看下呢？

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-23 17:05
6.23 独立Drivers have to pay a fee for driving in busy city streets when there is a great amount of traffic.

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-23 21:12
来jennyer的作文帖串门

加油！

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-24 11:53

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-23 21:12
来jennyer的作文帖串门加油！

谢谢！一起加油~ps要是能抽空指点一下作文更加感激不尽~

再ps看了下你的帖子我们的背景目标很像哦，我也是211会计本考完G就剩T了，以后可以多多交流撒~

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-24 15:49
24 独立 Visiting museums is the best way to learn about a country

作者: Five_007 时间: 2014-6-24 20:15
已改，请查阅。

作者: 北极的企鹅123 时间: 2014-6-24 22:14
soory哈，拖了一天，改好啦，亲的作文写的真心好

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-25 12:01

Five_007 发表于 2014-6-24 20:15
已改，请查阅。

谢谢~亲的修改让我受益很多啊！一起加油~

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-25 12:04

北极的企鹅123 发表于 2014-6-24 22:14
soory哈，拖了一天，改好啦，亲的作文写的真心好

谢谢~亲指出的句式问题的确是我的弱点啊~
PS 第一次被夸作文不错诶，看来最近有点进步了，真开心

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-26 18:09
25独立写作 As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-26 21:47
错误修改好

As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Have you ever handled several difficult tasks during a short period? Have you ever dealt with some tough works in a hurry to meet the deadline? If you have never had such experience, you will never know the significance of planning and organizing. Hence, when it comes to the issue that whether it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize, although（although貌似只能用在句首，句中要用though） people’s opinion differs（differ） from person to person, culture to culture, I totally agree with the statement, reasons to this view involve many aspects.

Admittedly, it is undeniable that in order to face the complex modern（modern用法问题：我查了一下，名词只有两个意思现代人和有思想的人）, abilities other than planning and organizing are necessary for young people to equip with. For instance, young people’s ability to absorb the latest knowledge helps them keep up with the changing world. What is more, ability to learn from other’s experience helps broaden young people’s horizon which make sense to （这个用法赞，但是要注意单复数）their success. Aren’t those abilities important for young people? But are those abilities can be considered essential? When taking more factors into consideration, as far as I am concerned, the significance of planning and organizing outweigh that of those abilities.

Moreover, it is the ability to plan and organize that enables young people to make full use of limited time to finish their tasks or to achieve their dreams. It is easily quote an example to illustrate this.（语法问题：it is easy to quote blablabla或者I can easily quote blablabla） Last term, I got a little overwhelmed that I had to done three research papers which each could take much time to finished （finish）in the last three weeks, at the same time, I had a part time job in the university’s library. Without careful plan and organize (名词形式：organization)of my schedule, I could never finished those tasks within such short period successfully. So it is reasonable to believe that other young people can certainly benefit from the skill of planning and organizing.

Last but not the least, the ability of plan and organize make young people more efficient in their works. As the proverb says” lost time is never found again.” In order to finish the work or to grasp other abilities they need during the certain period, young people should cherish time and learn to organize efficient progress to complete their works. A survey conducted by a large company in china shows that people worked with organized schedule appear to be more efficient and more success in terms of their positions than those who didn’t. From this case, it is believable that the ability to plan and organize plays an important role in the success.

From above discussion, I believe that it is hardly to overstate the significance of the ability to plan and organize. in all, I reinforce my standpoint.

亲，请原谅我有强迫症，哎：注意大小写哈，句号完了第一个字母大写，china表示中国也要大写。（明明我不是处女座啊，哎～～～）然后，你的第三个论点和第二个论点的逻辑区别不够清晰：第三个论点有点包含在第二个论点里面，但是在T考试里应该没什么关系啦，嘿嘿～其他，没啥问题啦，赞！

作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-27 11:04

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-26 21:47
错误修改好

As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to hav ...

谢谢亲认真的修改！

意见很中肯实用，感谢~

作者: 北极的企鹅123 时间: 2014-6-30 00:11

jennyer 发表于 2014-6-25 12:04
谢谢~亲指出的句式问题的确是我的弱点啊~
PS 第一次被夸作文不错诶，看来最近有点进步了，真开心 ...

是真的写的很好，过两天把写作捡起来，要向你学习！

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