ChaseDream
标题: Echo作文贴~请大家多多指教！ [打印本页]
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-18 21:19
标题: Echo作文贴~请大家多多指教！
3.18 独立 For a business to be successful, more money must be put in advertising.
With society developing fast, a growing number of people began to pursuit the success in money. Those businessmen all resorted to an evident method--advertisement without hesitation in order to expand their shares in the market, giving rise to the expansion of advertisements in various mediums. Well, whether more money invested into advertising benefits any kinds of business aroused much public attention.
To some extent, the issue is reasonable, because a large quantity of advertisements can make people know about the products and then have the desire to purchase them. Take Ford as an example.The time when Ford rises is not so rich and people couldn’t afford a car. One day, a wise idea struck Ford’s mind: advertisements that intended to emphasize the car is affordable can release people’s worries and inspire them to buy his products. The result is that when this advertisement was broadcasted, Ford soon started a brand-new era. As we can see, in this case, advertisements played an important role in the promotion of cars. However, does every business can rely on advertisements to achieve success? The answer is definitely no. The success in Ford can only prove that their advertisements were used in a right way.
First of all, if the products are well-known to the public, business should not depend on advertisements to increase their profits. The concept is a little abstract, let me give you an example to illustrate it. Apple is a famous corporation and almost all people in the world not only are familiar with but also trust in its products. As a result, it is not so urgent as other companies to put more money in advertising. On the opposite, what matters the most is the product itself. Provided that a new product appeared to the public, some people must buy it out of curiosity and tell other people. If the product is good, there is no doubt that it must sell well. In that way, business ought to invest more money on creation than advertising.
At the same time, when target consumer are steady and limited to an certain area , it is also a waste of money to invest more on advertising. Let me raise an example to break down this statement. A medicine manufacturer has produced this kind of product for a long time. Doctors and patients in this area has been familiar with it. Providing that the medicine manufacturer tries to increase its shares in the market, it should put more emphasis on decreasing the cost and price of the product, not advertisements.
To conclude, in modern world, advertisements are effective in promoting one’s products in some ways, but of course not all business can benefit a lot from advertisements.
作者: 追梦CY 时间: 2014-3-18 21:24
抢沙发~支持Echo~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-18 21:25
追梦CY 发表于 2014-3-18 21:24 
抢沙发~支持Echo~
谢谢小丸子姐姐！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-20 16:30
3.19 独立
Nowadays, a growing number of universities reduce the number of courses students should take in order to improve their learning efficiency. Only from the students’ feedback, the universities may conclude that it is a wise choice not only for the students themselves but also for the universities. However, as for me, the behavior is not so feasible, in other words, it has a negative influence on education. The reasons are as follows.
First of all, the results of the feedback survey can’t convince me, since the survey is only from one aspect--students and can only reflect students’ subjective attitudes. As we all know, almost all the people want to have more leisure time to relax, let alone youth. If the burden of curriculum now is much lighter than the curriculum in the past, students must be inclined to support the former one. What’s worse, the lighter curriculum may cause students to lead a lazy life: lack of courses, assignments and of course pressure, which is harmful to the students’ whole lives.
At the same time, modern society needs generalist, rather than specialist. Successful men can achieve their goals only if they have good command of knowledge in different areas. Let me give you an example to illuminate this concept. Steven Jobs, who is the most successful businessman, innovator in the world, viewed his products from various aspects, such as: architecture, industry, and religion. The all kinds of knowledge broadened his horizon and perfected his design aesthetic, which was the key factor for the success of Apple. Provided that he had had only one certain kind of knowledge, have the final terrific results been possible? Obviously, no! As a consequence, universities ought to provide their students with channels to get in touch with different knowledge.
Last but not least, some students may argue that they need opportunities to associate the knowledge from the book with the practices, and the time that were allocated to class in the past can just be used to improve the employable skills. But, from my point of view, universities are just the place to get knowledge and students should try their best to get knowledge as much as possible. The time is too precious to be wasted. As for employable skills, they have decades of years left to learn and improve.
In conclusion, universities are supposed to assist students to touch knowledge in different areas and form a good learning habit, rather than let them relax and feel comfortable.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-20 16:31
3.19 综合
The reading passage and the listening lecture present two different views. In the lecture, the speaker states that there are many ways to stop the invasion of zebra mussel and it will not pose any threats to freshwater fish populations at all, casting doubt on the main idea of the reading passage.
To begin with, the speaker makes the point that the affluent knowledge nowadays are enough to solve the problem, which refutes the viewpoint showed in the article that the in the history, the invasion might be unstoppable. According to the speaker, when the ships travel from Eastern Europe, using the modern technology, people can empty out all the water in the ships and refresh with the salt water, which can kill the zebra mussel. In that way, the invasion will be stoppable certainly.
Moreover, the author claims that this hardy species can dominate a new habit quickly. However, the speaker views this issue in a different angle. In accordance with the speaker, in the beginning it may dominate the new habitat for a while, but it will decrease after all, because the animals in the new habitat may adjust it and eat it, which will lead to a balance.
Last but not least, the speaker challenges the writer's expectation again by saying that zebra mussels may have a positive influence to the overall fish population.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-20 16:35
感觉3.19的两篇都写得好烂。独立的第一段感觉逻辑有问题，但又不知道怎么修改。综合的第三点完全没有听到。
P.S.：我的18号的修改者捏？你在哪里？？？
作者: JanetYellen 时间: 2014-3-20 16:50
sorry, 改好忘上传了。。。
作者: JanetYellen 时间: 2014-3-20 18:51
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-20 16:31
3.19 综合
The reading passage and the listening lecture present two different views. In the lecture, ...
3.19综合修改完毕~
----------------------
作者: JanetYellen 时间: 2014-3-20 19:21
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-20 16:30
3.19 独立
Nowadays, a growing number of universities reduce the number of courses students should ta ...
独立批改完毕~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-20 21:45
JanetYellen 发表于 2014-3-20 19:21
独立批改完毕~
收到了！好感谢~明天我要认真研究一下，多谢了~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-23 22:04
题目：Parents must have strict rules to their children if they want their children to be successful.
In almost every culture, the argument about whether parents should make strict rules for their children always exists. Some people believe that the established rules are beneficial to molding children’s characters obviously due to their weak self-discipline. However, as for me, the view is just opposite: the disadvantages of too strict rules outweigh the advantages. Here are some reasons.
First of all, in this changing world, older people have difficulties in keeping pace of society and the values they possess are engrained. As a result, the rules they made are unavoidable to be outdated,which has a harmful influence on the development of children. The concept may be a little abstract, let me give you an example. In traditional Chinese culture, men with high moral values ought not to borrow any money from other people whatever the money is used for. But, in this modern society, borrowing money is an effective method to promoting money flow, which can benefit not only borrowers and lenders but also the whole society. Let’s imagine that ingrained parents, in virtue of strict rules, prevent their children from borrowing money to buy or produce good things, what would happen? It is possible that children would miss an opportunity to succeed.
At the same time, too strict rules have negative influence on the development of children’s all kinds of aspects,particularly on creativity. Take Nobel as an example. When he was 10 years old,he was interested in explosive and usually did some experiments at home. Once upon a time, an accident took place: the explosive burned off, destroying a large quantity of things. And the whole family was forced to move. We can say, ifNobel’s parents had been common people who had many rules on children, they would have been stopped him from doing experiments, even punished him.Fortunately, they weren’t. They created an easy environment for Nobel and encouraged him to continue to do experiments. The factor of easy family environment contributed a lot to Nobel’s eventual success.
Admittedly, rules are necessary for allchildren, since they can’t judge right or wrong and rules are effective ways to help them realize it. Every child needs these rules to form a good habit and grow up happily. But we must stress that the rules we mentioned here are necessary rules, not too strict rules.
To conclude, children ought to be brought up in an easy environment in which parents won’t force their own ideas on their children and have an equal relationship with their children, because too strictrules will hinder their way to try, to create, and to achieve their goals.
作者: 悬月清辉 时间: 2014-3-24 23:36
亲 独立改好啦 加油~~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-25 22:07
悬月清辉 发表于 2014-3-24 23:36
亲 独立改好啦 加油~~
谢谢亲~~~辛苦了！
作者: 悬月清辉 时间: 2014-3-25 23:06
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-25 22:07
谢谢亲~~~辛苦了！
不辛苦~ 一起加油！！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-25 23:48
3.25 独立~~~
作者: JanetYellen 时间: 2014-3-27 05:50
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-25 23:48
3.25 独立~~~
批改完毕，加油echo~
作者: perfectends 时间: 2014-3-27 09:19
原来你是之前的考古君。。。谢谢
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-28 13:32
JanetYellen 发表于 2014-3-27 05:50
批改完毕，加油echo~
多谢多谢！！！辛苦了~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-28 13:36
perfectends 发表于 2014-3-27 09:19
原来你是之前的考古君。。。谢谢
嘿嘿，谢谢~~~版主亲临，好开森！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-28 14:04
总结一下：
1 chinglish的表达太多，需要赶紧积累常用表达
2 example不丰富
3 注意tense
4 高端句型啊 抓住装B的机会呀！！！
作者: perfectends 时间: 2014-3-28 18:30
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-28 13:36
嘿嘿，谢谢~~~版主亲临，好开森！
O(∩_∩)O~是你温暖过大家，所以大家会来温暖你。鄙人最初就是被这样的味道征服，爱的CD...
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-29 20:46
3.28 独立
作者: coffa 时间: 2014-3-30 19:41
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-3-29 20:46
3.28 独立
我还需要好好提高，才能更好的发现你的错误
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-30 22:45
coffa 发表于 2014-3-30 19:41
我还需要好好提高，才能更好的发现你的错误
多谢亲！！！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-3-31 20:58
3.31 独立
作者: chushidefeng 时间: 2014-4-1 17:13
例子举得很巧妙
用了另一个系统，怕你看不到批注。若看不到请站短，我再重新发一次
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-1 22:00
chushidefeng 发表于 2014-4-1 17:13
例子举得很巧妙
用了另一个系统，怕你看不到批注。若看不到请站短，我再重新发一次 ...
妥妥能看到啊！嘿嘿~~~谢谢建议，辛苦了~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-3 21:35
4.2 独立~
作者: chushidefeng 时间: 2014-4-4 22:40
Young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.
Historically, countless celebrities reminisced about their striving years: even though the environment was harsh, they all felt motivated and content because they changed and improved the world by their own intelligence and power. However, currently, a growing number of the elderly complain that young people nowadays are much lazier than the young people at their times. It is impossible that this opinion is totally objective, but from my point of view, this opinion makes sense in some aspects.
First of all, with the fast advancement of society, people have more lifestyles, regardless of whether this lifestyle(whether在这里是连词后面应该跟句子), in terms of production or technology（这句是从生产或科技的角度来说？）, is useful to the world. As long as young people enjoy their own lifestyles, they are successful. Take an ordinary couple as an example. From the tradition perspective, they are not that kind of successful people. But they have exactly become the models that many young people desperately want to be. Who are they? They are just the writers of the household magazine or manual—Lonely Planet. They travelled around the world as backpackers and recorded some tips during their travelling days for other tourists, pursuing the inner success in their hearts. Maybe they have not given the same time and effort to improve the world as the people in the past. However, it must be noticed that they are happier and it is just these people (who) make the world colorful.
At the same time, a lot more electronic games and entertainment methods have distracted young people from study and work（加上 所以人们就没有时间commit themselves to helping others）. The life in the past is like a one-way street. Everybody can only walk on this way. By contrast, the life nowadays resembles a labyrinth. The people in it all feel confused and may walk on a wrong way for some time. We must admit this reality and face(face up to) it. One of my cousins was confused in his labyrinth and did not know how to go out of the wrong way until his parents directed him. When he was in primary school, he got addicted to the Internet, spending all his time in the Internet Bar playing games. Even though he realized this problem, he could not get rid of it. Consequently, he could not pass the exams and dropped out of school. As far as I am concerned, this phenomenon is widespread, even inevitable, since the world is so complicated that young people could not control themselves well.
Last but not least, with the rapid enhancement of communication and traffic, young people are not necessary to pour the same time to work as the young in the past. It is possible that a task which would be accomplished for 3days in the past can be finished in one day now. People can save the time to relax and company with their families. In conclusion, the lack of working time or effort should not be blamed on young people themselves. It ought to be attributed to the soaring work efficiency.
Ps. 这段开头改成young people never dedicate time and energy saved by the enhancement of communication and traffic to improving the world.
All in all, in this day and age, young people are not accustomed to the life young people in the past may leaded（lead）. If they have some time, they are possible to enjoy themselves rather than work to improve the world.
Ps. 作者文笔很好啊，但是可以改一下body paragraph的第一句话啊，否则可能让人觉得论述得不是很充分。
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-16 19:49
4.15 综合-TPO2 by sweetyecho
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-16 22:25
4.15 独立 by sweetyecho
作者: coffa 时间: 2014-4-17 11:53
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-4-16 19:49
4.15 综合-TPO2 by sweetyecho
亲，晚了，我以后都坚持当天完成任务
作者: youkymomo 时间: 2014-4-17 12:09
有点拖延，抱歉哈~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-18 22:12
4.17 独立 这篇实在不会写 麻烦亲了
作者: qq2228757 时间: 2014-4-19 00:10
改好了~
一起加油！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-19 23:04
qq2228757 发表于 2014-4-19 00:10
改好了~
一起加油！
谢谢~~~辛苦了！
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-4-19 23:10
总结：
1.example不丰富，积累也好，现编也罢，总归一定要有！
2.写agree/disagree 都要先想好分论点再着手，不要开头一股脑写上去，后面发现没话说了。
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-5-2 10:25
5.1 独立 辛苦啦
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-5-4 21:28
5.3 独立 ～～～
作者: lotusily 时间: 2014-5-5 09:10
5月3日独立修改~[attach]142954[/attach]
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-5-5 22:26
lotusily 发表于 2014-5-5 09:10
5月3日独立修改~
收到！谢谢～
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-3 21:46
好多天不写 都生疏了 还是要勤于练习！
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2014-6-5 09:38
Drivers have to pay a fee driving in busycity streets when there is a great amount of traffic.
Six years ago, my family “welcomed” animportant item to get into my family—a Toyota car, expecting it to make ourlives convenient. But the reality is that it brings us more problems thanconvenience because of the serious traffic jam. We are desperate tosee some policies（+which，之后的部分做名词性从句） the government can（have，我们绝望的是已经颁布的政策；如果对将出台的政策绝望，see 改为 foresee，predict…） put into effect tochange the terrible situation. However, from my point of view, these policiesdo not work efficiently, including the policy that let drivers pay a fee inbusy city streets. The reasons are as follows.
First of all, city streets, in publicadministration term, belong to public goodsbecause they are built to serve all citizens, not certain people. The featuresof public goods are non-competitiveness and non-exclusiveness: any（any多用表否句子，every）people（each person）has the right to enjoy the privilege regardlessof the people’s wealth or social status. In that way, if （a+，the+）government enforces the policy, this action always means that itadmits unfairness and will spark off chainreactions, because streets, the most basic and indispensable element in one’sdaily life, hinders ordinary people to have thesame opportunities to pursue their own dreams as the wealthy people. Asa result, traffic jam is not restricted to only a simple traffic problem, evenworsen to a social problem.
At the same time, in order to ease thetraffic pressure, the authorities, by charging fees when there is a greatamount of traffic, must have difficulties to achieve the expected goal. Thereason can be easily understood. Assuming that this busy street is beingcharged, a large quantity of people will definitely divertto another unpaid street, giving rise to another crowded road. And if this roadis busy and charged, more people will turn to oneanother（指三者以上的互相，用otherroads呢） road. As a result, the traffic jam istrapped into a vicious circle. From thisperspective, the problem exists forever and the approach cannot solve itradically.
Last but not least, granted that the way can work in some ways.However, the government is not able to provide sufficient resources to put itinto effect quickly. Even if the government is determined to pour（意思1.cause torun，2. move in large numbers, 3. flow in a spurt, 4.supply in large amounts or quantities, 5. rain heavily,是指液体或者人的倾倒，不能指钱） the moneyto fulfill it, I bet most of the money will go useless. First, needless to say,enough monitors, roadblocks, and staff are prerequisitesand the relevant equipment（+s，从前文看不相干的设备不是一件，何况前面都是复数就是并列也是复数啦） will alsotook（take） away a lot of money. Furthermore, comparedwith （a+）highway,（a+）city busy street is time-bound anduncertain; therefore, the equipment can not（书面只有这种哦cannot） be usedfully, leading to not a few waste.
In conclusion, asking drivers to pay a feein busy city streets to solve the traffic jam is not a wise choice, instead, itmay be better for a government to control the amount of people who is declined to buy cars and try its（前面说买是cars，那就不会是一个人咯，应该是their） bestto develop public transportation.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-7 20:34
6.6 独立 Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.
Imagine the situation that when you try your best to visit a place just because of its forest or prairie, you only see crops or bald ground at last, how disappointed you will be! But, it is reality. For the sake of increasing population, a growing number of people exploit more land to grow crops or herd using modern agriculture methods at the cost of environment. Some people support this behavior. However, for me, it is totally a mistake. The reasons are as follows.
First of all, environment is irreversible. If you damage it deeply, it will have difficulties to recover or maybe cannot recover forever. This is horrible, since we depend on this steady environment to survive. And the most evident example recently is the heavier and heavier smog in China, the country who has the most people and the fastest developing speed in the world. At the beginning, in order to feed 130billion people and make them live better, the government developed uncountable factories and industries, not considering the environment at all. As time goes by, the problems emerged: more people have been ill, more creatures have been extinguished. They need to be changed as soon as possible. But, the terrible environment cannot be purified only in one day or in one month, even in ten years. It needs so long a time that no one would know when it will finish. So, comparing with the controllable population, I would rather choose the more precious environment.
At the same time, food—the necessities for people is an effective tool to control the population and our Earth is filled with too many people, giving rise to a lot of problems. So, if we can control the newborns step by step, it does good to our world. Assuming that we maintain the existing producing scale and no more food is available, do large quantities of people are willing to deliver more babies? Of course not. In that way, the population will go down naturally and the problems could be solved. Granted that, this way has some disadvantages. However, if you damage the environment to feed more people and the more people must ask for more resources to grow up and you will exploit more land to get more crops, this situation is an endless vicious circle. Provided that you are not determined to end one of the part in the circle, the Earth must go into a day that no can save.
Last but not least, even though the reality forces you to provide food for the growing people at the cost of environment, I bet the quality of the food must be bad and will get worse and worse in the future. This judgment is not intended to frighten you: it is scientific because if you reclaimed land or damage the environment, the nutrition in the land will go away with days and cannot support the growth of the food certainly. So, this way to feed people is useless.
In conclusion, not only from the environment’s perspective, but also from the food suppliers’ perspective, this action is not a wise choice. We should and need to put environment ahead of the food.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-7 21:15
6.6 综合 TPO23
The reading passage and the listening lecture deals with an argument that whether the cedar bark beetles, brown bears and the gradual changes of the climate give rise to the decline of the yellow cedar. The two offer two opposing opinions.
First of all, the lecturer said owing to the poisonous chemicals stuck to the bark of the yellow cedar, the yellow cedar can protect itself from the threats of the insect parasites than other trees. In that way, the view in the reading passage is totally wrong: if it is safer than other trees, why only the yellow cedar is likely to decline?
Furthermore, the author stated that it is brown bears that have eaten these yellow cedar trees. However, the listening lecture provided the evidence that even if in the islands which brown bears cannot step into, the yellow cedar also suffer to decline.
Finally, the reading passage blamed the decline of the yellow cedar to the changes of the climates, because of the frost damage. But the reality is that in a higher area, which means in a lower-temperature area, fewer trees die than that in lower area. So according to the lecturer, this view is also problematic.
In a word, these explanations offered by the author are not adequate to explain for the decline of the yellow cedar.
作者: xhbhxhbh 时间: 2014-6-8 11:12
很好 建议或修改
The reading passage and the listening lecturedeals with an argument that whether the cedar bark beetles, brown bears and thegradual changes of the climate giverise to the decline of the yellow cedar. These two offer two opposing opinions.
First of all, the lecturer said owing to the poisonouschemicals stuck to the bark of the yellow cedar, the yellow cedar (they) can protect itself(themselves)from the threats of the insect parasites more than othertrees. In that way, the view in the reading passage is totally wrong: if it is safer than othertrees, why only the yellow cedar is likely to decline? （能补充点阅读中的内容更好）
Furthermore, the author stated that it is brownbears that have eaten these yellow cedar trees. However, the listening lectureprovided the evidence that even if in the islands which brown bears cannot stepinto, the yellow cedar also（still） suffer to the decline. （这一段也需要再充实一下）
Finally, the reading passage blamed (attributed )thedecline of the yellow cedar to the changes of the climates, because of thefrost damage. But the reality is that（As a matter of fact,） in a higher area, which means in a lower-temperature area,fewer trees die than that in lower area. So according to the lecturer, thisview is also problematic.
In a word, these explanations offered by theauthor are not adequate to explain for the decline of the yellow cedar.
很少发现语法错误， 有的用词我觉得换一下更能表达一些逻辑， 内容可以再多点， 因为我听过的所有建议都是 要尽量包括听力中的细节。 但是楼主的文章似乎属于短小精悍型的。还是希望多加点听力中的细节， 争取250-300字吧。
我确实看错了是 Bear。。。
作者: 小蘑菇开始打怪 时间: 2014-6-8 16:08
6.6 独立 Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.
Imagine the situation that when you try your best to visit a place just because of its forest or prairie, you only see crops or bald ground at last, how disappointed you will be!（这句语法觉得怪怪的，imagine是不是应该变成imaging？） But, it is reality. For the sake of increasing population, a growing number of people exploit more land to grow crops or herd using modern agriculture methods at the cost of environment. Some people support this behavior. However, for me, it is totally a mistake. The reasons are as follows.（开头写得真文艺！）
First of all, environment is irreversible. If you damage it deeply, it will have difficulties to recover or maybe cannot recover forever. This is horrible, since we depend on this steady environment to survive. And the most evident example recently is the heavier and heavier smog in China, the country who has the most people and the fastest developing speed in the world. At the beginning, in order to feed 130billion people and make them live better, the government developed uncountable factories and industries, not considering the environment at all. As time goes by, the problems emerged: more people have been ill, more creatures have been extinguished. They need to be changed as soon as possible. But, the terrible environment cannot be purified only in one day or in one month, even in ten years. It needs so long a time that no one would know when it will finish. So, comparing with the controllable population, I would rather choose the more precious environment.（我不太清楚，这个题目里面说的重点是modern agriculture method的优缺点比较，所以重点应该讨论由于method而带来的两方面哪一个更重要是嘛？但是你这一段的逻辑我觉得只是在说环境，然后这个环境的改变也不是因为agriculture method带来的，所以。。我疑惑了。。）（例子写得很好啊！什么语言啊什么什么的！）
At the same time, food—the necessities for people is an effective tool to control the population and our Earth is filled with too many people, giving rise to a lot of problems. So, if we can control the newborns step by step, it does good to our world. Assuming that we maintain the existing producing scale and no more food is available, do large quantities of people are willing to deliver more babies? Of course not. In that way, the population will go down naturally and the problems could be solved. Granted that, this way has some disadvantages. However, if you damage the environment to feed more people and the more people must ask for more resources to grow up and you will exploit more land to get more crops, this situation is an endless vicious circle. Provided that you are not determined to end one of the part in the circle, the Earth must go into a day that no can save.
Last but not least, even though the reality forces you to provide food for the growing people at the cost of environment, I bet the quality of the food must be bad and will get worse and worse in the future. This judgment is not intended to frighten you: it is scientific because if you reclaimed land or damage the environment, the nutrition in the land will go away with days and cannot support the growth of the food certainly. So, this way to feed people is useless.（这段的逻辑就很给力！）
In conclusion, not only from the environment’s perspective, but also from the food suppliers’ perspective, this action is not a wise choice. We should and need to put environment ahead of the food.
果然是组长，写得真的很好哇！各种词用得艾玛！
作者: xhbhxhbh 时间: 2014-6-19 15:40
我还欠 你一篇独立 作文的修改。。。但是没找到要修改的亲。。
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-19 17:54
xhbhxhbh 发表于 2014-6-19 15:40
我还欠 你一篇独立 作文的修改。。。但是没找到要修改的亲。。
亲 你太客气了，谢谢你～～～我如果有要修改的，就站内信给你哦，多谢了～
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-19 17:55
xhbhxhbh 发表于 2014-6-19 15:40
我还欠 你一篇独立 作文的修改。。。但是没找到要修改的亲。。
亲 你太客气了，谢谢你～～～我如果有要修改的，就站内信给你哦，多谢了～
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-19 19:32
6.18 独立 In 20 years, people will lead a more leisurely life.
When you walk in a street leading to the future, which street will you prefer: leisure or busy? I bet 90 percent of us must choose leisurely life. And fortunately, from my point of view, in20 years, the modern environment just can endow people with the privilege to enjoy the more and more leisurely life. The reasons are as follow.
First of all, with the fast-developing technology, the mass can get away from the daily grind. The reason can be easily understood. For example, nowadays, we still need to do the most housework by ourselves, which take people a lot of time. However, in 20 years, after robots step into the common people’s houses, people will not worry about these boring chores any longer. What they need to do is to control the robots at appropriate time. In that way, the robots liberate the people: they can use the saved time to relax and do some interesting work. As a result, thanks to the widespread and rapid-developing technology, we have the enough confidence to believe people will have more time and energy to do their favorite things, of course, including leisure activities.
At the same time, as people put more emphasis on mental happiness, the business catch the opportunity and try their best to design an increasing number of activities to let people relax and pleased and of course people have more methods to calm their minds. I remember 20 years ago, KTV is not a popular entertainment activity in our daily lives. While 20 years later—now, people have got accustomed to this relax method evidently: when you feel over-pressured and blue, you can call some friends out and go to KTV to sing your songs. After crying or roaring in KTV, you must feel much better. No doubt, in the not short 20 years, more relax methods must emerge quickly and let people have more choice to relieve from the pressure.
Last but not least, granted that society is progressing at an astounding speed. However, people are also aware of the significance of leisure. They get to know that their bodies need physical and mental relax. Furthermore, they realize that money and social status is not so important as one’s own body and they are willing to spend more to leisure activities.
In a word, in 20 years, people must lead a more leisurely life without doubt, not only because they have a leisure-oriented environment, but also because they realize its importance.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-19 20:29
6.18 TPO5 综合
The reading passage and the listening lecture deal about the issue that how the “great houses”, massive stone buildings were built for. The passage offers three theories. While, the lecture disagrees.
First of all, the author states that the Chaco was used as a residential building, since it looked like the “apartment buildings” at Taos. But, according to the listening lecture, the resemblance is just restricted to the exterior and inside the building, there are few fireplaces, which are essential to people’s daily life.
The second theory points out that people may use the Chaco structures to store food suppliers because people there need to store food and its size is just suitable. However, It needs to be paid attention that excavators could not find the trace of maize or the grain containers in the building. We can imagine that if it was used as barn, it is impossible that people would not leave any food or item in it.
The author come up the third theory that people held ceremonies in the Chaco structure owing to the deposits of broken pots in the mound close to one house. While, according to the lecturer, other building materials are also in the mound, including sand, stone and so on. So, the broken pots can be explained as regular trash reasonably.
In conclusion, the three competing theories in the reading passage were jeopardized by the listening lecture.
作者: Five_007 时间: 2014-6-19 22:33
我来啦~
作者: Five_007 时间: 2014-6-19 23:26
改好了~~~
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-20 22:54
Five_007 发表于 2014-6-19 23:26
改好了~~~
辛苦亲了，么么哒
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-22 17:01
621 综合 TPO8
The reading passage explores the issue that Chevalier’s memoir is not convincing, because he coined some events in it. The lecturer discusses the same issue. However, she believes that the memoir is a valuable historical source. She gives three reasons to refute the reading.
First of all, the author said that Chevalier was not so rich that he could spend a lot on parties and gambling since the evidence shows that in Switzerland, he borrowed a large quantity of money from merchants. But, the lecturer considers the loan from an opposite perspective. She thinks borrowing money could not prove he was not wealthy. As the wealth he own was in the form of property, he needed to sell these properties to get the money. Therefore, during the period he sold his properties, he needed to borrow some money.
Furthermore, the reading passage believes that the accuracy of the conversation he wrote in the memoir was not high since the memoir was written many years after the conversation happened. While obviously the lecturer knows the situation in more details, for example, he knew Chevalier would record exact conversation in his journal after the conversation occurred every night, and when Chevalier wrote this memoir, he referred his notes carefully. Consequently, this argument about the record many years later has no grounds.
Last but not least, the reading pointed out that it is Chevalier’s politically well-connected friends that helped him escape from the jailers, not himself. The lecturer contradicts that there were many people who have more powerful friends than he in the prison. So, if Chevalier could bribe to “get out”, why other people could not? At the same time, the official documents show that after he escaped, the ceiling upon his room was asked to repair.
In a nutshell, the reading passage was deeply jeopardized by the listening lecture, which perfectly argues that Chevalier’s memoir is accurate.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-22 19:17
总结一下这几篇：
1.单词用法狠抓：pour的几个意思，while用作对比不能随便加逗号，在书面用语中只有cannot没有can not，leisure和leisurely都有adj.形式意思不同
2.综合的字数要上去 听力细节要努力填充
3.思路啊：以agriculture那篇为例，第一个论点，批改者的意见中肯，我仅着力议论environment的重要，却忽视了这篇文章的前提，一定是agriculture带来的
作者: ENJ0Y 时间: 2014-6-23 00:31
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-22 17:01
621 综合 TPO8
The reading passage explores the issue that Chevalier’s memoir is not convincing, bec ...
文章基本上没有错误，听力的重要点都听到了。应该已经是GOOD了。
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-26 16:31
6.25 独立 As modern life becomes more complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.
Nowadays, with the rapid advance of technology, people are faced to a more complicated world. As a consequence, they need a lot of abilities to adjust to the development speed, certainly the ability to plan and organize included. As far as I am concerned, the ability to plan and organize, to some extent, determines how well you can lead a life. The reasons are as follow.
First of all, the more complex modern life always means more workload and more choices and a good ability to plan and organize assists people to choose wisely and control progress effectively. Take my own experience as an example. When I was in high school, the schoolwork was so stressful that it deprived necessary sleeping time of me. An occasional conference instructed me to the time management whose essence is plan and organize. In accordance of the time management, before I began to do the daily schoolwork, I must make a list of things needed to do and choose them to be in the four categories: important and urgent, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, not important or urgent. I did not do the work until the previous preparation work was done and thanks to the technique, my schoolwork changed to be organized and excellent.
At the same time, owing to the complex modern life, people must cope with the much more complicated tasks, which asks people to work as a team. Consequently, how to cooperate with others in a team becomes a significant issue and from a whole team’s perspective, plan and organize is a powerful tool to help people work together. I remember when I was an intern in a company, my team leader always made a weekly work arrangement for all the team members that includes what you are ought to do, what outcomes you should get and when you need to get the work done. This arrangement appears to be easy, however, as an intern, I learn to work according to a schedule and my partner also can know what I am doing, which lets people understand each other more easily and communicate more effectively.
Last but not least, as water in the high-altitude area can be utilized to produce electricity, if we can plan and organize our time, our work well, we can also get the most benefits from them. I have a good habit: after I wake up every morning, I will calculate the working time and the fragment time and during the fragment time, I can make use of it to relax and entertain, for example, in the break between two meetings, I always choose some brief essays to read and make a phone contact with my family. This habit saves me a large quantity of time to travel and make a project, which perfects my life substantially.
In conclusion, not only from the individual’s perspective, but also from a whole team’s perspective, an excellent ability to plan and organize can make people lead a more comfortable and more efficient life in this fast developing society.
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-26 17:53
6.25 综合 TPO12
The reading passage explores the issue of the portrait of Jane Austen. The professor’s lecture discusses the same issue. However, he believes that the teenage girl in this portrait is not Jane Austen, which contradicts what the reading passage suggests. The reasons are as follow.
First of all, the author says that the portrait was authorized by her family member. But, the lecturer argues that the edition of her letters was published after Jane Austen has been dead for 70 years, which suggests that these family members who ensure the portrait subject has never seen her. As a consequence, their assertion is invalid.
Second, even though there are not few similarities between the face in Cassandra’s sketch and the portrait, the professor points out some questions, for example, why you can make sure that the subject is Jane Austen, not her other female relatives? Since Austen family is extended and the girls in her relevant period have large possibilities to look like her, nobody can be sure the girl is Jane Austen. And the subsequent evidence also shows that the subject is her distant niece.
Third, the style of this portrait is belong to Ozias Humphrey, who was likely to paint for Austen family. However, the listening lecture contends that this judgment is limited to the style and other evidence does not support it all. According to the record, the canvass, the cloth that portrait on, was sold when Jane Austen was 27 years old or even older, which suggests that at the time the portrait was finished, Jane Austen was an adult already. So, the teenager girl in the portrait cannot be Jane Austen.
In a nutshell, the reading passage was jeopardized by the listening lecture on the issue whether the subject in the portrait was Jane Austen.
作者: Five_007 时间: 2014-6-26 18:13
sweetyecho 发表于 2014-6-26 17:53
6.25 综合 TPO12
The reading passage explores the issue of the portrait of Jane Austen. The professo ...
写的很好的，不论是阅读的归纳还是听力的细节，都很棒。应该是good了。。。文章挺顺而且没发现错误。
学习了~~相比之下我。。。TAT 欲哭无泪
作者: jennyer 时间: 2014-6-26 18:36
独立改好了，我们是互改的也去帮我看看吧
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-26 22:41
Five_007 发表于 2014-6-26 18:13
写的很好的，不论是阅读的归纳还是听力的细节，都很棒。应该是good了。。。文章挺顺而且没发现错误。
学 ...
收到，谢谢亲了～～～
作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-26 22:43
jennyer 发表于 2014-6-26 18:36
独立改好了，我们是互改的也去帮我看看吧
亲直戳我要害，哈哈～～～多谢多谢！
| 欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/) |
Powered by Discuz! X3.3 |