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标题: "和善大叔"作文贴，新手求狠批 [打印本页]

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-7 12:07
标题: "和善大叔"作文贴，新手求狠批
9.14号就要考T了，现在写是不是晚了。跪求狠批！

【独立写作】Inthe past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision.Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own live.

In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own live.

Thus, I can't agree more about the opinion of the author. And there should be three factors that support it, in my observation.

Fist of all, now our young people are experiencing a boom of information. Tremendous number of information from newspaper, TV, Internet is accessible to us. In the past, parents might be the efficient way to get information to make a decision. Now Facebook, twitter, forum all can be the way to get useful experience and advice about the decision. For example, in the past, when my older brother had to determine the university he would apply, his parent always made the decision as they can inquire about the major the employment rate and something else about the university from some kind of acquaintance. However, when I have to decide which university I will apply, lots of forum are available for me. And we can just lie on the bed, chewing bubble gum and searching the Internet. So, I don't need my parents to make such a decision for me. I can do it myself.

Second, to have our own style of life is so fascinating to us that we tend to make our own decision other than ask our parents for help. The culture, I can call it. In our generation, is having our way of life. Everyone has unique personality, hobbies and character. The way to have a life to express who we are and what we really want is to make our own decision. Furthermore, parents now are often open-minded. They do not force their children to obey their ideas. Therefore, we now are able to and dare to make our own decision. In the fictional world of some movies, young people take into power of the world and the parents are all arrested. They rule the world following their own disciplines they make their own decisions. Indeed, those movies exaggerate the fact that the young are more reliable on their own. The truth that the young now are better makes their own decision is well exposed.

In addition, peer pressure also counts. If friend around me all determines things by their own, all I want to do is, just like them, making my own decision. Peer pressure is always existing in every generation and it influences our everyday life a lot. Even though some of us are unwilling to make some kind of decision, they just want to rely on their parents. When their friends know that, mock may happen and fewer friends would like to be with them. We just don't want to do as a loser. Consequently, we have to act as we make our own decision. In fact, we do.

In conclusion, nowadays the young have different ways to be accessible to lots of useful information and they are also seeking their own lifestyle. They can be more easily and better to make their decision on their own life. Advice from the parents are still taken into account. Meanwhile, it won't always be the key factor any more.

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-7 22:38
【独立写作】School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?

In my university, each time at the end of one semester, we are acquired to evaluate the performance of our teachers or the score of the term cannot be accessible. Sometimes it is confused that whether students' ,or in some universities, teachers' recommendation is adequate enough to evaluate the teacher's performance. The author also lays the question which is more useful. In my view, both are necessary to evaluate as the two factors illustrate two different answers.

Teachers always are skilled in teaching. They can judge the level of the knowledge of the field of each other. Some teachers may be good at making jokes which are fascinating to the students. Meanwhile, the students can learn a few things worthwhile. At this time, other teachers play an important role to pick up such teacher. When I was in high school, the grade of one class was always beneath the average. In contrast, students at that class spoke highly of their teachers. Some teachers figured out that the teachers delivered little informative message about what the students had to learn. They were just doing something fun in the class. The school eventually made the teachers replaced by others.

Students are the ones who take the courses. And what they think about the teacher can reflect the efficiency of the teaching method. Even though a teacher may be the best in one particular field, students can also be sleepy in the class. It always happens in most of the class. A survey in my university claimed that some professionals complained that few students were willing to listen to their lecture. They preferred to play their cellphones. However, at the same time, the students thought the lecture was too boring and they just wanted to do something else interesting. Thus, the efficiency of the teaching method is always by the appearance of the students.

In conclusion, there is not such a better thing between the teachers' and the students'. What they talk about are two different things. Both of them should be taken into account. So, if I have to make a choice. I mean, I don't know.

作者: 虫虫爱吃菜 时间: 2013-9-8 11:30

In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own live.

The author claims that the young now can rely more on their own determination about their life than the past instead of their parents'. Though our young people now still take the parents''s advice into consideration, we usually have our ideas about what we will do next.(虽然明确的表达了自己的观点，但是不免感觉有点枯燥，可以在开头引入名言之类的或者其他的东西充实一下）

Thus, I can't agree more about the opinion of the author(楼主你不是author么？为什么此处来了句这么奇怪的话）. And there should be(此处直接用there be就可以了吧？应该有三个原因支持好像不太说得通吧？） three factors that support it, in my observation.

Fist(first） of all, now our young people are experiencing a boom of information. Tremendous number of information from newspaper, TV, Internet is accessible to us. In the past, parents might be the efficient way to get information to make a decision. Now Facebook, twitter, forum all can be the way to get useful experience and advice about the decision (此处是不是点一下上面提到的那些信息获取手段会更好，要不然总觉得那句话很脱节对后面没什么论证作用）. For example, in the past, when my older brother(外国人的brother应该是自己亲生的哥哥) had to determine the university he would apply, his parent always made the decision as they can inquire about the major the employment rate and something else about the university from some kind of acquaintance(单复数）. However, when I have to decide which university I will apply, lots of forum are available for me. And we can just lie on the bed, chewing bubble gum and searching the Internet. So, I don't need my parents to make such a decision for me. I can do it myself.

Second, to have our own style of life is so fascinating to us that we tend to make our own decision other than ask our parents for help. The culture, I can call it(这是什么用法？中文直译么？）. In our generation, is having our way of life. (这两句表达出来的意思应该不是楼主想的吧？感觉表达的不地道而且没把话说清楚）Everyone has unique personality, hobbies and character. The way to have a life to express who we are and what we really want is to make our own decision(这句表达起来也不是很地道）. Furthermore, parents now are often open-minded. They do not force their children to obey their ideas. Therefore, we now are able to and dare to make our own decision. In the fictional world of some movies, young people take into power of the world and the parents are all arrested(没读懂这句话是什么意思）. They rule the world following their own disciplines they make their own decisions. Indeed, those movies exaggerate the fact that the young are more reliable on their own. The truth that the young now are better makes their own decision is well exposed.

In addition, peer pressure also counts. If friend around me all determines things by their own, all I want to do is, just like them, making my own decision. Peer pressure is always existing in every generation and it influences our everyday life a lot. Even though some of us are unwilling to make some kind of decision, they(不太清楚此处的代词是该用we还是they？） just want to rely on their parents. When their friends know that, mock may happen and fewer friends would like to be with them. We just don't want to do as a loser. Consequently, we have to act as we make our own decision. In fact, we do.

整体感觉，楼主的文章结构很好而且每个论点也有足够的支持，但是我又几个建议
-楼主的很多表达太过中文化，而且意思表达不是很清楚；
-文章的句子衔接上还有待改进；
-至于例子上来说，我不太确定fictional movie中的情境可不可以，但是我觉得说服力会欠缺，楼主可以考虑一下

作者: sherryv 时间: 2013-9-8 14:40
我好自告奋勇

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-8 23:11

[9.9独立]Theopinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are moreimportant to younger people than to older.

Nowadays, the young concentrate more on the entertainers and athletes. Lots of them justimitate what the celebrities do and try to know what celebrities think. Incontrast, the old prefer to sit in the sofa when reading an old stylenewspaper. To put it clearly, adolescence will gain more importance from theopinion of the celebrities than the old.

As I've mentioned at the beginning of the article, the young care more about theway these celebrities think. The ideas of these people may impact theadolescence most. At the same time, however, the old don't pay much attentionto celebrities. Sometimes, the old just want to live the way they have spentdecades of years in. They take little of others opinions into account.

Second,old people have got through most time of their life. Thus, they have theirsolid structure about how to think and how to make a decision. Meanwhile, theyoung do not. They have less ability to judge something from the outside andare easily controlled by their preference. So ideas of the celebrities count alot in the mind of adolescence.

Last but not least, peer pressure also has an important influence on the adolesence.When all of the others are talking about a star, how can a young person justkick himself out of the topic and then out of his friends. But the views ofsuch star just spread among the youth and then become parts of the thinking ofadolescence.

In consequence, the old owning their personal way of thinking and life seldom pay attention toideas from such celebrities. Their thought is little affected by these views, let alone the importance. So it's more important to young people.

作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-9 19:44
大叔，我的独立搞定了，求批改：

http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... ;extra=#pid18660266

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-11 01:09
标题: 9.10 独立

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement

It isbetter to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.

Someoneclaims that one can relax better by watching a movie or reading a book ratherthan doing physical exercise. Maybe it's right after a whole day physical job.But what if scrolling in the chair and watching the screen for 8 hours in theoffice, physical exercise can be the best choice. Thus, the question that whichis better depends. What's more, they are both needed.

AsI've mentioned in the second sentence, when you have been doing some physicalwork or something like that for a long time, all you want to may be just sitdown and relaxing yourself. Watching a movie or reading a book can have muchpleasure. After I have done all the housework required by my mom, if she tellsme "Go to the gym and work out." I just want to say "Just killme." I prefer watching some movies or reading some books.

Meanwhile,most people living downtown spend almost forty hours a week just staying in theoffice. They need to stretch their bodies and have some kind of exercise. Onthis condition, physical movements can be the better and needed ones for theseso-called white-collars. As to students like me, running and playing ball gamesare more relaxing and comfortable after several hours studying in theclassroom. Hence, working out in the gym and have a soundly sleep may be thebest choice.

Butif there is an alternative choice, both of the above should be on the schedule.One's mind and body ought to practice and relax when chasing a healthy lifestyle. Either is better than the other.

Inconclusion, which can be chose depends personal. Whereas, healthy life consistsof both of them. So which is better? It's hard to distinguish.

作者: 追梦CY 时间: 2013-9-11 21:06
对不起啊我今天用手机看的看错行了，然后我以为和我互改的还没写，这就给你改哈！
[attach]128249[/attach]

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-12 13:43

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-11 21:06
对不起啊我今天用手机看的看错行了，然后我以为和我互改的还没写，这就给你改哈！
...

感谢!新手还略感生疏~

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-9-12 15:20

父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動,還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情

In my everyday life, some parents seem to have the same hobbies as their childrenlike basketballs, football, painting, or aero plane model. They are alwaysspending their time having such fun together. But there are other parentsaccompanying with their children doing homework and something about such study.As I have observed, most children around me playing with their parent have abetter performance in their life. In my view, playing games or doing sportswith children can be the better choice for parents.

First of all, games or sports are the best way to improve the relationship betweenparents and children. As we know, few kids prefer study to games and sports.Doing something interesting is easier to get people more close. How can a childlike a parent sitting beside when doing homework instead of play basketballwith him. If my parents can play model plane with me, I can be moreappreciated.

Second, nothing else is better than good habits in one's life. Games and sports are thebest way to help children attain such habits. Most of specialists in educationrecommend that games are the best choice for children to organize somecharacters and personalities which can benefit themselves for the whole life.Why parents just do things with their children related to school study insteadof playing with them. And these habits can in return be useful in study.

Further more,possessing healthy body and high intelligence is the wish of most parents forthe children. Doing sports and playing games can make children obtain both ofthem. Physical exercise can make children more and more healthy. Additionally,intelligence is practiced and improved by using lots of strategies in sportsand games. Meanwhile, matters of study in school are always helpful for somespecific skills. And there is no need to do these things outside the school.It's enough to do it in the school.

作者: sherryv 时间: 2013-9-12 21:14
miaomiaomiao~

作者: kellyzhou0000 时间: 2013-9-12 23:39
抱歉这么晚才改作文...

In my everyday life, some parents seem to have the same hobbies as their children like basketballs, football, painting, or aero plane model. They are always spending their time having such fun together. But there are other parents accompanying with their children doing homework and something about such study.As I have observed, most children around me playing with their parent have abetter performance in their life. In my view, playing games or doing sports with children can be the better choice for parents.

First of all, playing games or sports are（is） the best way to improve the relationship between parents and children. As we know, few kids prefer study to（可不可以用rather than） games and sports.Doing something interesting is easier to get people more close.(个人喜欢这句) How can a child like a parent sitting beside when doing（supervising him or her with） homework instead of playing basketball （with him）. If my parents can play model plane with me, I can be more appreciated.

Second, nothing else is better than good habits in one's life. Games and sports are the best way to help children attain such habits. Most of specialists in education recommend that games are the best choice for children to organize some characters and personalities which can benefit themselves for the whole life.Why parents just do things with their children related to school study insteadof playing with them这句太中式了. And these habits can in return be useful in study. 专家意见那句写的好，但是段落缺事例，不够充实

Further more,possessing healthy body and high intelligence is the wish of most parents （for the children.） Doing sports and playing games can make children obtain both of them. Physical exercise can make children more and more healthy. Additionally,intelligence is practiced and improved by using lots of strategies in sports and games. Meanwhile, matters of study in school are always helpful for some specific skills. And there is no need to do these things outside the school.It's enough to do it in the school.

In conclusion, choosing to play with children is a wise choice for parents than doing stuff about school study. Having a child with more intimate relation and good personalities is better than the one only owns high scores.（这句话的主语有点混乱，having intimate relation with child 主语是parent，后面的成分主语是child Having a intimate relationship with parents ans good personalities is batter for child than only owning high scores 不知道这样改可不可以）

楼主的某些动词用和很恰到好处，整体段落和逻辑也很清晰。但是有些段落的内容不够充实，我个人倾向于写的多一点的，所以觉得有事例会好一些。有的句子的表达有些中式，像直译过来的，我也有这个毛病.....共同努力吧！

作者: 和善大叔 时间: 2013-10-13 14:46

【9.12独立】Nowdays it's easier to maintain health than the past.

My grandpa told me that when he was a boy,there was only one witch doctor in the village. Lots of people died even justcatching a cold. Meanwhile, nowadays hospitals and doctors are enough foralmost all of the patient in my city. What's more, the cost is not too high tocover for most citizen. It's more convenient for us to maintain our health.

But how does it happen? First of all, thetechnology comes the first. As technology especially biological technologydevelops, a huge number of special medicines have been created. When I was achild the only antibiotics I could get access to be penicillin, but now thename of antibiotic are too many and they always confuse me. Moreover, differentkinds of machine for doctors to check patient are created. Actually, X ray machinewas the most advanced machine I thought, here now lots of advanced machinewhich I cannot call the name are in the hospital.

Second, the economics have developed betterthan the past. People now can afford the expense better than the past. In thepast, even some common medicine was too expensive for us. When people got sick,they would rather just drank some hot water and had a sleep than went to thehospital as the expense of the medicine. It does not mean people now like to goto the hospital more often. If someone is fond of having physical check-up regularly,the price is not the block on the way to the hospital than before.

Third, the consciousness of human right isgrowing in everyone's mind. Numerous policies of medical care are introduced bythe government. New hospitals are built. Price is going down. Physical check-upshould be the welfare in some organizations. A great number of volunteers gointo the community for some special groups to check them up for free. Thesethings could not be imaged in the past. Medical care is now more available thanbefore.

In a word, as mind and material bothdeveloped, it's convenient for people to get medical care. The grandpa's storywill end now. Health can be maintained easier than the past.

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