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标题: 王大叔的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-15 14:36
标题: 王大叔的作文贴
8月15号独立写作题目:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.
正文:
When it comes to the question whether young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than those in the past, some people believe that it is true, while other people stands on the opposite side. From various factors considered, I believe that several factors in nowadays do give more opportunities for today's young people to improve our world.
First, I believe that the quality of life nowadays should be considered the essential basement for the creation and improvement, and the reason is quite simple that when the basic requirements such as food and security have been full filled, people could have more energy to consider other things such as improving our world. In contrast, if some young people are still struggling on the bread earning, how can they have time to consider other things? I saw this phenomenon on my parent's young age, since the family need more people to work outside to earn bread, my parents go to work very young, and they have no chance to even think about improving the world, the most important thing is earning bread. Thus, considering our current situation, we could provide more resources not only the food but also our supports to our young generation to give more time and chance to think about how to improve this world.
Second, the fast development of technology has given our young generation more ways to know this world and to get knowledge to improve this world. From the television, young people could acknowledge that there are still lots of poverty in this world, not only in our country but also on somewhere in this world. When they got such information, I believe the motivation to improve the world, to save the poor people in this world, and to be a volunteer to help other people will spring. And on the other side, the technology gives people more ways to get the knowledge they need to make their idea come true.
Admittedly, there were many great people in the history improved our world a lots in their young age, but I still believe that along with the evolvement of human beings today's circumstance would give more support to our young generation to know this world and to improve this world.
From all factors mentioned above, I believe that our world will become better and better by the efforts of the generation and generation of ourselves.

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-17 05:09
迟到了真是不好意思！

蓝色是个人意见和建议
红色是强烈建议修改的地方

When it comes to the question whether young people today are more likely to give time and effort improving the world than those in the past（文章中除非逼不得已最好不要原题照抄，楼主可以试着去变一下词性或将某些词换成同义词）, some people believe that it（前面是疑问句，此处的it指代不清） is true, while other people stands on the opposite side. From various factors considered, I believe that several factors in nowadays do give more opportunities for today's young people to improve our world.

First, I believe that（支持性说理句为了保证其客观性最好不要出现“I”“we”这样的词，在不影响主旨的前提下建议删去）the quality of life nowadays should be considered the essential basement for the creation and improvement, and the reason is quite simple that when the basic requirements such as food and security have been full filled, people could have more energy to consider other things such as improving our world.//本句到此处才结束，一共占了三行，建议适当断开，长短句结合。In contrast, if some young people are still struggling on the bread earning, how can they have time to consider other things? I saw this phenomenon on my parent's young age, since the family need more people to work outside to earn bread, my parents go to work very young, and they have no chance to even think about improving the world, the most important thing is earning bread. Thus, considering our current situation, we could provide more resources not only the food but also our supports to our young generation to give more time and chance to think about how to improve this world.（最后这里建议加多一句话绕回主旨，起到点题的作用。）

Second, the fast development of technology has given our（同上，不建议在支持性说理句中出现主观词） young generation more ways to know this world and to get knowledge to improve this world. From the television, young people could acknowledge（之前没有见过acknowledge的这种用法，读起来有些奇怪，如果楼主认为没有问题的话就无视掉这一点吧） that there are still lots of poverty in this world, not only in our country but also on somewhere in this world. When they got such information, I believe the（同上，不建议在支持性说理句中出现主观词） motivation to improve the world, to save the poor people in this world, and to be a volunteer to help other people will spring. And on the other side, the technology gives people more ways to get the knowledge they need to make their idea come true.

Admittedly, there were many great people in the history improved our world a lots in their young age, but I still believe that along with the evolvement of human beings today's circumstance would give more support to our young generation to know this world and to improve this world.（本段只有一句说理句，论据不足有些说理不清。是写的时候时间不够了吗？建议进一步扩充下或删去。）

From all factors mentioned above, I believe that our world will become better and better by the efforts of the generation and generation of ourselves.

整体印象：
楼主似乎倾向于使用长难句，有些地方读起来不是很顺畅，建议长短句适当结合。
正文部分分观点说理时，主题句有待精炼（不过这一点我也很难做到位啦说实话
总的来说读起来还是有一些chanlish的感觉，建议多背一些新概念等好文章的段落。总之请继续加油~~~

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-20 18:02
8月20号独立写作题目:
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

正文:
When it comes to the question which way of relax do you prefer? some people prefer to watch a movie or read a book, while others like to do some exercise, and I'm the person who is prefer exercise much more than other ways of relax, hereunder is the reasons.

The first and most important reason why I prefer exerciese is that I take care my health much more than other aspects. As a common sense that long time sitting could cause many types of problem on ones' heart any other sides of human body, so physical exercise could give chance to strength human's heart and other organs, and Work out is one of exercices that I extremelly like. I have been to the Gym frequently since 5 years ago. When I feel frastrated I go to the gym, and when I feel tired on my back and eyes after hours reading and working, for sure, I go the gym. In the gym, not only my mind has been refreshed, but also my whole body has been strengthed.

In contrast, the reason why I dont' like to watch a movie or read a book for relaxing is that it's really harmful for people's eyes. From a survey in China, 75 percent of student in middle or high school wear glasses, and the reason is quite simpe, abusing eyes. How could we ask a student to relax by watching a movie or reading a book after he or she has already spent almost the whole day to study? So a better alternative is physical exercise, the eyes will be relaxed, the mind will be refreshed, the body will be strengthed, and thus the health will be garanted.

Of course, some people prefer watching a movie or reading a book to relax, because they believe all these types of relax have benefits such as increasing knowledge, keeping mind calm down. On these points, I agree with them, however, I would concern more on physical health, since a healthy body is essential condition for all human activities.

From all reasons mentioned above, I do hope more and more people could join the party of exercise to strength their body and fresh their minds.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-21 15:09
占位...........

作者: vincytao 时间: 2013-8-21 15:44
粘过来改的东西都没了，传文档吧~

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-21 15:55

vincytao 发表于 2013-8-21 15:44
粘过来改的东西都没了，传文档吧~

谢谢批改, 提到的问题,我下次一定注意, 加油!

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-28 23:08
8月28 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the opinion:
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.

正文:
When it comes to the question whether it is difficult for someone to success if he or she reluctant to accept the criticism from others, some people hold the confirmative attitude, while others believe it is quite arbitary to hold such opinion, and on this question I agree with the latter opinion.

First, the people who cannot accept the criticism from others normally hold very high self-confidence, which plays a determinative role for someone's succeed, just like the result from survey about positive persenality, the self-confidence ranks the first, and we can see such feature almost in all successful people no matter who he or she is, actor, scienties or entreprenuer, because he or she believes that there is no barrier could block the way.

Second, from a book that I recently read, I just got a new vision that people who is willing to fight will other people normally hold very strong responsibility, and could bear high pressure in a harsh environment, while the people who is reluctant to fight with other people and normally accept other people's opinion, and in turn makes compromise more easily will also more likely to give up when difficult problem placed in front of them.

Admittedly, some will say that it's hard for people to grow if he or she cannot accept the criticism,on this point I agree with them but only partly, because people who looked like accept the criticism does not necessarily mean that he or she does accept it, maybe just superficially, and in contrast, people whol looked very aggressvie and never accepts any other different opinion does not necessarily mean that he or she never thinks or accepts the idea, maybe by the reason such as keeping the position or any other reasons, he or she cannot show such attitude on the immediately.

Therefore, from all reasons mentioned above, I believe we should not make judgement arbitarily, and more factors should be considered such as the action he or she has done after the criticism.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-29 17:43
8月29日综合 TPO23 talking about the possible hypothesises of population decline of specific trees.

正文:
The passage lists several possible reasons, such as beetles, bears and climate change, that cause the decline of populations of the yellow cedar, while the lecture gives several anti evidence to argue that all such reasons raised by passage are not adequate to explain the phenomenon.

The first explaination raised by passage is about beetles which could eat the wood and leaf of yellow cedar. However, the lecture competely disagrees with this explaination by rasing an protection mechanism hold by healthy yellow cedar--toxic chemical could be generated and would kill beetles after they eat the wood or leaf.

The second hypothesis the passage refers is about bear which could eat the tree bark, and in turn critically weaken the tree. Refuting this explaination, the lecture points an flaw that although there is no bears in the islande which is also the habitant of the yellow cedar, the populations also declined.

The final hypothesis addresses on the gradual changes of climate which could make the growing root of yellow cedar to suffer damage of cold weather. However, the research refered by the lecture shows that the populations of yellow ceder with lower and warmer elevation declines faster than those with higher and colder elevation, and therefore seriously weakened the argument of climate change.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-29 23:14
8月29日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？The most important investment for a big company is
to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

正文:
When it comes to the question what is the most important for a big company to invest, some people believe the efficiency and proficiency of its employees should deserve high priority, while others concern more than these two aspects and believe in current century a big company should hold open vision on today’s environment, and I'm the person who agree with these visionary people.

First, from my personal experience, I believe that the company's development strategy should deserve high priority in today's emergence market, and the company should invest considerable part of profit on the investigation of finding market opportunity, because the earlier a company finds a new area, the higher the profit it could earn, and the companies which enters the area latterly will find it is difficult to seizure customers from pioneer, and even if they spend high cost to improve proficiency and efficiency of their employees, without high profit marketing strategy the companies are still uncompetitive compared with those market leader. Therefore, the efficiency and proficiency of employees really ranks lower in such situation.

Second, in the high technical development time, the companies which create innovative products normally make higher profit than their follower. Google, the first internet search engine provider, Amazon, the first online sells operator, Palpay, the first online payment service provider, and Apple, the leader of world to improve user experience. All of these most successful company invest most of their capitals on the development of innovative products and in turn becomes the leader of each area. Therefore, we can see what the most valuable field is in such fast developing world. Is it the proficiency or efficiency of the labors? No.

Admittedly, some people would argue that without efficiency and proficiency the company will difficult to keep its advance position. However I will ask these people that is it so important on such issue? Look Nokia, the leader of mobile in the past, I believe the efficiency and proficiency of its employees are quite higher than other companies or at least not lower than other companies, but what about now? Under the lack of innovation and mistake of marketing strategy this company is on its lowest valley of company's history.

Therefore, just as all reasons mentioned above, if I were the leader of a big company I would rank innovation and marketing strategy much higher than the efficiency and proficiency of employees.

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-31 01:53
蓝色是个人意见
黄色表示赞

The passage lists several possible reasons, such as beetles, bears and climate change, that cause the decline of populations of the yellow cedar, while the lecture gives several anti evidence to argue that all such reasons raised by passage are not adequate to explain the phenomenon.

The first explaination raised by passage is about beetles which could eat the wood and leaf of yellow cedar. However, the lecture competely disagrees with this explaination by rasing an protection mechanism hold by healthy yellow cedar--toxic chemical could be generated and would kill beetles after they eat the wood or leaf.（应该有的点基本回答到）

The second hypothesis the passage refers is about bear which could eat the tree bark, and in turn critically weaken the tree. Refuting this explaination, the lecture points an flaw that although there is no bears in the islande （文章提到的是有一个岛屿上没有棕熊，这样特指the的话很容易让人误会是文本里提到的那个地方）which is also the habitant of the yellow cedar, the populations also declined.

The final hypothesis addresses on the gradual changes of climate which could make the growing root of yellow cedar to suffer damage of cold weather. However, the research refered by the lecture shows that the populations of yellow ceder with lower and warmer elevation declines faster than those with higher and colder elevation, and therefore seriously weakened the argument of climate change.(本段应该有的点基本达到）

本文用词富于变化，结构也很清晰。注意一下听力中的细节的话应该是一篇不错的作文

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-8-31 10:04

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-31 01:53
蓝色是个人意见
黄色表示赞

谢谢帮我修改啊，那个the 的问题能再详述下吗？我对the的使用一直很困惑，谢谢了。

作者: sherryv 时间: 2013-9-2 18:50

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-8-29 23:14
8月29日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement？The most important investment fo ...

粘贴上来没有颜色了，看附件吧。不好意思回复晚了。

When it comes to the question what is the mostimportant for a big company to invest, some people believe the efficiency andproficiency of its employees should deserve high priority, while others concernmore than these two aspects and believe in current century a big company shouldhold open vision on today’s environment, and I'm the person who agreeswith these visionary people.

First,from my personal experience, I believe that the company's development strategyshould deserve high priority(这个用法在首段刚出现过一次，建议换种写法) intoday's emergence market（这里的emergence market是想说什么呢？emergence是个名词，用来修饰market感觉说不通，不知道想表达什么意思）, and the company should invest a(part is a countable noun) considerable part of profit(its profits) on(in, investin sth) the investigation of finding market opportunity(opportunities), because theearlier a(the) company finds a new specialized area, thehigher the profit it could earn, and the companies which enters the arealatterly will find it is difficult to seizure(名词！) customersfrom pioneer, and even if they spend high cost to improve proficiency andefficiency of their employees, without high profit marketing strategy thecompanies are still uncompetitive compared with those market leader. Therefore,the efficiency and proficiency of employees really ranks(rank) lower insuch situation.
Therefore之前只有一个句号，这个句子太长并且结构混乱。建议断句和部分修改内容如下：
First, from my personal experience, I believethat the company's development strategy deserves primary attention from the management.The company should invest a considerable part of its profits in the investigationof finding market opportunities, because the earlier a company finds a newspecialized area, the higher the profit it could earn. As for those companiesentering the area latterly, they will find it difficult to attract customersfrom competitors, and even if they spend high cost to improve proficiency andefficiency of their employees, without high profit marketing strategy thecompanies are still uncompetitive compared with those market leaders.

Second,in the high technical development time, the companies which create innovativeproducts normally make higher profit than their follower(followers). Google, thefirst internet search engine provider, Amazon, the first online sells operator,Palpay, the first online payment service provider, and Apple, the leader ofworld to improve user(users’) experience. (这不是一个句子啊,而且标点符号的使用也要更严谨)All of thesemost successful company（companies） invest most(前面刚用完most，换个词儿吧，比如large parts) of their capitals on the development ofinnovative products and in turn becomes(become) the leader of each area(their relative areas). Therefore, we can see what the most valuablefield is in such fast developing world. Is it the proficiency or efficiency ofthe labors? No.
斜体部分修改如下：
Thinks of those big names: Google, the first internet searchengine provider; Amazon, the firstonline sells operator; Palpay, the first online payment service provider; and Apple, the leader toimprove users’ experience. All of these successful companies invest large partsof their capitals in developing innovative products and inturn become leaders of their relative areas.

Admittedly,some people would argue that without efficiency and proficiency the companywill (find itself) difficult to keep its advance(advanced) position.However I will ask these people that is it so important on such issue? LookNokia, the leader of mobile in the past, I believe the efficiency andproficiency of its employees are quite higher than other companies or at leastnot lower than other companies, but what about now? Under the lack ofinnovation and mistake of marketing strategy this company is on its lowestvalley of company's history.

Therefore,just as all reasons mentioned above, if I were the leader of a big company Iwould rank innovation and marketing strategy much higher than the efficiencyand proficiency of employees.

文章的内容很好，议论的部分也很到位。但是在句子结构上比较混乱，不简洁，冗杂的句子有点多。另外简单的语法错误也比较多，建议在写的时候更加细心一些。

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-3 10:44

sherryv 发表于 2013-9-2 18:50
粘贴上来没有颜色了，看附件吧。不好意思回复晚了。

When it comes to the question what is the mostimpo ...

谢谢啊, 你提的问题都是我的弱点, 也是急需改进的, 非常感谢, 对于其他细节我也DOUBLE CHECK了一下, 和你分享下:

Regarding the phrase 'emergence market', you are right, it should be emerging market, a financial or consumer market in a newly developing country or former communist country.

Secondly, I compeletly agree with you that there are so many words could replace MOST such as considerable and significant.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-3 12:46
9月3号独立作文, 我靠才写这么点儿, 莫非我记错时了.....

When it comes to the question whether it is mandatory for all high-school students to take basic economic courses, some people think that it's unnecessary since most of students are not majoring on economic or relevant areas, while others believe it's quite important for all students to join economic courses because it's beneficial in individual's whole life, and I'm the person who agrees with the latter.

First, it's universally agreed that basic economic courses are quite crucial for the students who will join business school to study Marking, Management or Finance. With the basic economic knowledge a student have learned in high-school, he or she could grasp high level concept or the knowledge of relative areas more easily than students without the basic economic education.

Furthermore, by taking basic economic courses, students could find out whether they are really interesting on this area. So for the students who are interesting on that topic, they could make a conclusive decision on which he or she will major in the business school. In contrast, for the students who feel boring during the basic economic courses, they could also make wise decision on their future.

Admittedly, some people would argue that if I already know that I'm quite not engaged in economic, why do I need to waste my time in high-school? On this question, I agree that for sure, there are many other courses more important for these people, but I would still propose every student to take basic economic courses, because people could benefit from economic knowledge for their whole life, and even if some people are not professional on this area, they still need to manage their money, right?

In conclusion, as all reasons mentioned above, I suggest all students to join basic economic courses.

作者: 追梦CY 时间: 2013-9-4 17:59
不好意思啊我有点事情所以没有及时修改，先占个楼，晚上一定po上修改，抱歉！[attach]127671[/attach]

作者: 虫虫爱吃菜 时间: 2013-9-4 19:00

When it comes to the question whether it is mandatory for all high-school students to take basic economic courses, some people think that it's unnecessary since most of students are not majoring on(in） economic(economics，不加s是形容词) or relevant areas（我觉得此处discipline似乎更好点，楼主可以查查）, while others believe it's quite important for all students to join economic courses because it's beneficial in individual's whole life, and I'm the person who agrees with the latter. (私以为楼主比较喜欢列举两方观点的开头方式，但是我个人觉得可以尝试一下其他开头方式，比如在开头引用名人名言，或者可以举个小例子：在我的母校为所有学生都开设了经济学课程，这一举动引起了很大反响，不少学生家长认为是徒劳增重学生负担，但我却认为....balabala）

First, it's universally agreed that basic economic courses are quite crucial for the students who will join business school to study Marking, Management or Finance. With the basic economic knowledge a student have learned in high-school, he or she could grasp high level concept or the knowledge of relative areas more easily than students without the basic economic education.

Furthermore, by taking basic economic courses, students could find out whether they are really interesting on(interested in） this area. So for the students who are interesting on that topic(同前）, they could make a conclusive decision on which he or she will major in the business school. In contrast, for the students who feel boring during(boring后面不能这样用吧？我感觉是或者用boring about 或者用during taking the...） the basic economic courses, they could also make wise decision on their future. (楼主这两段都重在说理，但是感觉没有详细例子还是说服力不够，而且感觉说理的时候也有点硬凑，比如这一段就花基本全部篇幅说了如果对此学科感兴趣该怎么样不感兴趣该怎么样，但是私以为in contrast 后面其实可以少说点然后添点具体例子会更加充实)

Admittedly, some people would argue that if I already know that I'm quite not engaged in economic, why do I need to waste my time in high-school? On this question, I agree that for sure, there are many other courses more important for these people, but I would still propose every student to take basic economic courses, because people could benefit from economic knowledge for their whole life, and even if some people are not professional on（in） this area, they still need to manage their money, right? （个人觉得此句过长，楼主其实可以把他们拆成很多各分句分别表达不同的意思）

In conclusion, as all reasons mentioned above, I suggest all students to join basic economic courses.

第一次在这个论坛改作文，希望对楼主有帮助哈~^_^ 我也快考托福了，真心希望可以互改！

作者: 追梦CY 时间: 2013-9-4 20:31

虫虫爱吃菜发表于 2013-9-4 19:00
When it comes to the question whether it is mandatory for all high-school students to take basic ec ...

改完作文看到楼上的修改也学习到了很多！
怎么不加入小分队互改呢~？？！！http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870345-1-1.html

作者: 虫虫爱吃菜 时间: 2013-9-4 20:56

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-4 20:31
改完作文看到楼上的修改也学习到了很多！
怎么不加入小分队互改呢~？？！！http://forum.chasedream.com/ ...

昨天刚注册这个网站不太清楚怎么用！太感谢啦！以后加入小组一起改

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-6 14:15
9月5号独立写作

谢谢虫虫爱吃菜, 和追梦对我前几篇的修改, 这次我尽量多一些例子, 并用一种带入的方式, 把自己带到文章里, 这样写起来轻松了许多.
语法和, 长句上还是有问题, 我会在今后的日子里 "痛改前非"~~~~~

Do you agree or disagree that the rules in societies today are too strict for young people.

When I was young, myparents ask me to wake up earlier at 6:00 in the morning, define the study planfor whole term, and ask valuable questions during the class, besides that theyalso regulate all details of my daily life such as my behavior, my wearness,and even my friends. At beginning, as all of you could sense, I feel extremely uncomfortablefor all this trivial limitations or rules. I want to stay in my bed longer inthe morning, wear any clothes I want to go to school, and talk to anyone I likewith any way I prefer. However, after I graduated from school, started mycareer, and have my own family, I just understand how important these un-comfortablerules are for my whole life.

To begin with, becausenobody is borned with gentle awareness, and it's normal or common to see youngpeople behavior improperly, strict rules are mandatory to correct the wrongbehavior of young people. When young people don't keep alignment in a queue,when young people don't offer his or her seat to oldness in public transportationand when young people teasing others brutally, not only the parents but alsothe whole societies need to refer these rules to teach them howto behave properly and what the social responsibilities they need to take.

Furthermore, the strictrules are also indispensable parts of education. We need these rules toregulate the young people to ensure that they come to school on time, studyhard in the class, and review their homework concentrately. Otherwise, theywill wake up late in the morning, tease each other during the class and spendmost of their rest time on TV or Xbox. Therefore, we need these rules to ensurethe quality of their education, and the country need these rules to guaranteeits future.

In contrast, somepeople would argue that such strict rules will limit the creativities of youngpeople, just as what I thought when I was young. From all my experience,however, I realize that creativity is not from waking up late in the morning,hanging out during class time or playing Xbox for whole day, but from hard workand self-regulation every day and every year.

Therefore, from whathave been discussed above, and what I experienced in my life, I may safely drawthe conclusion that strict rules are imperative to guarantee the quality ofeducation, the success of individual, the alignment of society and even thefuture of country.

作者: 虫虫爱吃菜 时间: 2013-9-6 18:02

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-6 14:15
9月5号独立写作

谢谢虫虫爱吃菜, 和追梦对我前几篇的修改, 这次我尽量多一些例子, 并用一种带入的方式, ...

When I was young, my parents ask(时态） me to wake up earlier at(than?) 6:00 in the morning, define(同样是时态） the study planfor whole term, and ask(同样是时态，词汇略重复，这个读起来好绕啊：my parents asked me to ask quesition....） valuable questions during the class, besides that they also regulate all details of my daily life such as my behavior, my wearness,and even my friends (我觉得这几个分句还是分开表达比较好的吧？这样一句读起来其实很困惑的，而且很容易出错). At (少了冠词） beginning, as all of you could sense, I feel extremely uncomfortable for(个人认为后面的介词应该是about吧) all this trivial limitations or rules. I want to stay in my bed longer in the morning, wear any clothes I want to go to school, and talk to anyone I likewith any way I prefer. However, after I graduated from school, started my career, and have my own family, I just understand how important these un-comfortablerules are for my whole life. (楼主虽然用了事实让第一段很丰富，但是会不会有点太多了导致第一段好长？而且楼主木有明确地表达自己的观点）

To begin with, because nobody is borned with gentle awareness, and it's normal or common (个人觉得这种...or...的表达太过中文化了，而且也没有必要，两个词的意思没有差很多，这样显得累赘） to see young people behavior improperly, strict rules are mandatory to correct the wrongbehavior of young people. When young people don't keep alignment in a queue,when young people don't offer his or her seat to oldness in public transportation and when young people teasing others brutally, not only the parents but also the whole societies need to refer these rules to teach them how to behave properly and what the social responsibilities they need to take. (这个论点读起来总觉得有点跑题，楼主叙述的这些并不是严格意义上的rules in society吧？）

Furthermore, the strictrules are also indispensable parts of education. We need these rules toregulate the young people to ensure that they come to school on time, studyhard in the class, and review their homework concentrately. Otherwise, they will wake up late in the morning, tease each other during the class and spendmost of their rest time on TV or Xbox. Therefore, we need these rules to ensurethe quality of their education, and the country need these rules to guaranteeits future.(楼主多出都在用这种例子排比的方式举出泛泛的例子，个人觉得有点重复，而且在分论点中缺少具体的例子会有点枯燥）

Therefore, from what have been discussed above, and what I have experienced in my life, I may safely(这个副词在这表达什么意思？安全地？） draw the conclusion that strict rules are imperative to guarantee the quality of education, the success of individual, the alignment of society and even thefuture of country.

总体来说，感觉楼主的论证有点偏（因为我也没有很确定要怎么论证这个题目所以有可能理解错误），重在论述这样严的规则的重要性而并不是反驳说这样的规则对青年人不严。我觉得如果要论证的话应该从反面来说，即说明这样的规则是松的，那么哪几个方面是松的然后再举例子来论证。否则楼主这样说很容易让人产生误解，你到底是在表达这样的rules strict 还是 relaxed？

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-7 17:05
9月5日综合写作
TPO 30

The passage raises several reasons, such as the lack of technology and the impractical of the method, to challenge the truth of the story about 'burning mirror'. On the other hand, the lecture stands on the opposite side by referring following reasons:

To begin with, the lecture believes that the ancient Greeks were available to build a big mirror by combining several pieces of small copper surfaces together.

Second, because it takes at least 10 minutes to set the wood on fir, the passage concerns that such method would be impractical and ineffective. On this point, the lecture refers a new found that the ship built by ancient Rome were not only by wood but also my another material named "Pitch" which could be on fire by "burning mirror" just in a second, no matter the ship was moving or not.

Finally, to explain why the Greeks army was more prefer the "burning mirror" rather than traditional weapon, the lecture says that the Rome army were already familiar with this weapon, and could deal with it sophisticatedly. Therefore, compared with flaming arrows, the "burning mirror" is more difficult to be defended by Rome.

作者: iammuse 时间: 2013-9-7 20:49

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-7 17:05
9月5日综合写作
TPO 30

不好意思，刚改好。这几天事情太多耽误了。不好意思

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-7 22:37
9月6日独立写作感觉越写越困难啊, 不知道写什么, 也不知道怎么写.

Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.

When I was young, thanks to my parents, Igot the awareness to improve the environment of my society and even the world,but by the reasons such as poverty and low living standard, I couldn't makethis awareness in practice on that time. Therefore, when I saw such questionwhether young people today are more likely to give time and effort improvingthe world, I believe, for sure, the environment today could give them morechance to do better than me 30 years ago.

To begin with, education plays a key roleon the development of young people. Thanks to abound of resources such as teachersand schools, the quality of education today is higher than that in the past.Thus young people could be educated to be aware of social responsibility. Mynephew, a 12 years old boy, gets such awareness in the school, and then worksas a volunteer to help elders who has no relative around them. In contrast, Ididn't get such idea when I was at the same age, because nobody taught me the importantto help others or improve the society.

Furthermore, living standard plays anotherimportant part on this topic. When I was young, living standard was quite lowin my country, bread earning is high priority, not only adults but alsochildren need to contribute their effort to earn bread for the family.Therefore, even if I got the awareness of improving the world, the economics ofmy family didn't allow me to spend much time on such fair.

Besides education and economic, thetechnology today, such as internet and broadcasting media, gives great help tolet young people know this world. For example, they could not only familiarwith the environment of their daily life, but also acknowledge that there isstill poverty in this world. How could they get this vision? By TV and socialmedia. And then through internet, they could find what and how they could do tohelp the poor people in this world. In contrast, it was quite difficult for thepeople in my country 20 years ago to do the same.

From what have been discussed above, Icould easily and confidently draw the conclusion that young people today getmore chance to understand this world and then to give time and effort toimprove it.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-7 23:11
9月6日综合写作 TPO1

The passage believes the mandatory policyof four-day workweek could benefit many sides, individual, company and even theeconomics of the country. However, the lecture stands on the opposite side by referringfollowing reasons.

To begin with, four-day workweek policyenforces the company to hire more employees, and more employees means morecost. Because the costs of insurance and office rent are same no matter theemployees working for four days or five days, the company need to spend much more bysuch policy, not even mention the training fees for new comers and the additionalcost for more office spaces and computers.

In addition, it’s quite reasonable tospeculate that by the reason of increasing cost, most of companies will enforcetheir employees work overtime, and expect the working quality of four daysworker as same as that of five days. And, in turn, the working environmentcould be much harsher.

On the other hand, four-day workweek couldrisk the career of employees, because short working time could decrease theirworking ability. Furthermore, those who work four days a week are more likelyto lose their job during the recession, and have less possibilities to beraised as higher level like manager, because most companies prefer people whocould supervise the daily work for whole week rather than just four days.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-8 21:02
9月7日独立写作

In the past young people are more dependedon their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able tomake decisions in their own lives.

When I was in the high school, I made thedecision by myself to go to campus. After graduated from university, I Alsomade my own decision whether to keep studying in the campus or to start mycareer. Therefore, when I see such question whether young people today or thosein the past are more likely to choice their future by themself, I stand on theside of today's young people.

To begin with, 30 years ago, there waslimited choice for my parents' generation, because the living standard wasquite low at that time, so everybody need to start work as soon as possible torelieve the financial pressure of the whole family. So these young people whowant to keep studying in the school or join university were forced to give uptheir dream. In contrast, in my generation, thanks to the improvement ofeconomics of the whole country, there is no such heavy financial pressure inthe family, so young people could have more choice to decide their way.

In addition, by the improvement of technology,young generation are more likely to receive the information from different areas.Therefore, the creative and innovative idea could be cultivated and sprung farearlier than people in the past. From the news I just read few days ago, thereis a 14 years teenager in American who get all information about nuclear frominternet and finally created a reaction equipment in the garage! And that'sevent results in the decision that he want to become a nuclear scientist in thefuture. However, such things are completely un-imaged 30 or 40 years ago.

On the other hand, young people in several decades’years ago, rarely had many ways to know the world beyond their society. That'sexplained why most of young people decided to follow the career of theirparents or follow the decision made by older generation. Just as my father, hefollowed the decision of my grandfather to work as an accountant which is quiteun-preferred for himself. And now, he encouraged me to chase my own dream to dosomething I could really engage in.

From everything discussed above, I couldconfidently draw the conclusion that young people nowadays have more chancethan older generations to make their own decision.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-8 21:35
9月7日综合写作 TPO2

The passage supports the idea that merginga group of people to work as a team could do better job than people worksindependently. However, the lecture stands on the opposite side, and followingis the reason:

To begin with, from a investigation of ateam working project which has already operated for 6 months, the professor inthe lecture found that people who worked free riding received as same rewardingas those worked contributed a lot in this project. Therefore, the morale ofthese real contributors have been deeply harmed.

In addition, the progress of this projectis extremely slow, because it takes too long to make consensus among the wholeteam. Even worse, there are some influential people who could easily dropothers ideas, and make the whole discussion again. Therefore, it is not thewhole team guiding the project, but these influential people decide the destinyof the project.

Finally, it will not be surprised that therisky and even the right decision could be easily ignored by the team, and whenthe whole project sailed in a wrong way, not only some unqualified people butalso the whole team will be blamed.

作者: iammuse 时间: 2013-9-8 22:42

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-8 21:35
9月7日综合写作 TPO2

The passage supports the idea that merginga group of people to work as a team ...

改好啦：）

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-8 23:09

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-8 22:42
改好啦：）

谢谢啦, 建议都很好, 我明天写的时候一定改!

作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-9 12:13
童鞋，我9.7日的独立还在等着你呢。。。http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-836006-13-1.html

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-9 12:52
9月8日独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?
正文
When I was in the campus, I had to fill the teaching performance form for each course I had taken. And to be frankly, the information delivered from my side was contaminated by personal preference and even the emotion, positive and negative. Therefore, when I see this question about who is more objective to evaluate the performance of teachers, as an adult I believe teachers themselves are more qualified to evaluate each other’s performance.

To begin with, I could still remember a course I took named chemistry. Because I was and I am quite not engaged in this course, and believe such knowledge has no benefit for my future to become business man, so I ranks the performance correspondingly lower at the end of the term. However, now as an audlt with objective vision, I really want to say sorry to this teacher, because he encouraged me many times when I felt frustrated and bored in this class, and he really did a good job.

In contrast, there was another course named 'Business management' in which I was extremely interesting, and I got a very high score at the final exam, so it was not surprised that I ranked his education performance very high. However, when I recall the whole term of studying this class, actually the teacher was absent many times because he had so many personal business need to deal with, and he rarely took care his students seriously. The only reason he gave me a good score was not because I studied well, but because he wanted to be ranked higher.

Therefore, after many years seriously consideration, I believe teachers rather than student could evaluate each other usefully and objectively. First, since they are professional on teaching, teachers know their job, such as what is good for students and what is not. Secondly, as adults, they are less inclined to be impacted by personal preference or emotion, because whether they are majoring on the specific field will not impact their decision-making power.

Admittedly, some people would say that it is the students who join the class, experience the class, and benefit from the class, thus, students should be the people evaluating the teaching performance, because they know what they learned from class. However, I believe before we make the judgment, other factors, just as examples I mentioned above, should be considered.

Thus, from what have been discussed I could confidently draw the conclusion that it's too arbitrary to say that students are better than teachers to evaluate teaching performance.

作者: solde 时间: 2013-9-9 13:14

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-8 21:02
9月7日独立写作
In the past young people are more dependedon their parents in making decision. Today, ...

不好意思，刚改好~

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-9 14:10
9月8日综合 TPO 3

The passage casts doubt on the originality of the painting by pointing out several flaws of it. However, the lecture stands on the opposite side by referring a recently examination on the painting.

To begin with, from the examination, the fur collar wore by woman is not in the original painting, it was added by some people hundred years later after the painting had been painted to increase its value. Therefore, this result explained the inconsistent of the painting raised by passage.

In addition, because some elements of the painting do not fit together in terms of light and shadow, and Rembrandt are unlikely to make such mistake, the passage doubts the authenticity of the painting. From the lecture, however, , if we remove the fur collar from the painting, we could see the simple and light cloak, which is completely consistent with the light and shadow in the other sides of the painting.

Finally, the original was indeed painted on a single wood panel, and other wood pieces were glued by other people who would like to make the painting more grand and valuable. Furthermore, from the result of recent examination, the wood used in this painting does same with that used by another artwork painted by Rembrandt. Thus, all these explanations together refute the argument made by the lecture.

作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-9 19:48

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-9 12:52
9月8日独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according ...

9月8日独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?
红色修改蓝色建议高亮表赞
正文
When I was in the campus, I had to fill the teaching performance form for each course I had taken. And to be frankly, the information delivered from my side was contaminated(好形象） by personal preference and even the emotion, positive and（or) negative. Therefore, when I see this question about who is more objective to evaluate the performance of teachers, as an adult, I believe teachers themselves are more qualified to evaluate each other’s performances.

To begin with, I could still remember a course I took named chemistry. Because I was and I am(去掉) quite not engaged in this course, and believed such knowledge has no benefit for my future to become a business man, so I ranks(rank指物理位置的排列,这里与抽象化的performance搭配有些不恰当，用appraise/evaluate都比较保险) the performance correspondingly lower at the end of the term. However, now, as an audlt with objective vision, I really want to say sorry to this teacher, because he encouraged me many times when I felt frustrated and bored in this class, and he really did a good job.
大叔，建议每段开头提出一个论点，之后开始引用detail来support，最后呢，再加一句总结性的话会比较完整。
In contrast, there was another course named 'Business management' in which I was extremely interesting(interested), and I got a very high score at the final exam, so it was not surprised that I ranked(同上) his education performance very high. However, when I recall the whole term of studying this class, actually, the teacher was absent many times because he had so many personal business need to deal with, and he rarely took care his students seriously. The only reason he gave me a good score was not because I studied well, but because(可去，于前面重复了) he wanted to be ranked higher.
该段问题和上段相同，都是只写例子没有中心论点，且结构不完整。
Therefore, after many years seriously consideration, I believe teachers rather than students could evaluate each other usefully and objectively. First, since they are professional on teaching, teachers know their job, such as what is good for students and what is not. Secondly, as adults, they are less inclined to be impacted by personal preference or emotion, because whether they are majoring on the specific field will not impact their decision-making power.("whether" in this sentense is misused, you can change this sentense like that" because these negative sentiment will have no impact for them in the area they major in".)
I'm sorry my Chinese input board occurs some problem, so I can only revise correct your essay with English put board.
Admittedly, some people would say that it is the students(this is a stress sentense, so you should use "it is the students that...".) who join the class, experience the class, and benefit from the class, thus, students should be the people evaluating the teaching performance, because they know what they learned from class. However, I believe before we make the judgment, other factors, just as examples I mentioned above, should be considered.

Thus, from what have been discussed I could confidently draw the conclusion that it's too arbitrary to say that students are better than teachers to evaluate teaching performance.

summary:
1.you each paragraph should have a point, and use some details to support it.
2.you diction is a relatively simple, which will cause some influence on your grade of essay. Thus, you are better to diverse your diction and improve it to a high-level.
3.Third, some grammar mistakes occured, please pay attention to the grammar problem.

GOOK LUCK! KEEP FIGHT!!!

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-9 21:29

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-9 19:48
9月8日独立
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according ...

谢谢啊, 我一定想办法提高语言造诣~~~~

作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-9 22:31

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-9 21:29
谢谢啊, 我一定想办法提高语言造诣~~~~

diction更准确的意思是措辞。

，加油

作者: sherryv 时间: 2013-9-9 23:06
综合看啦，没什么大问题，写的挺好滴~

作者: 追梦CY 时间: 2013-9-9 23:54
不好意思今天有事情答应你修改结果才放上来希望你不要介意哦

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-10 11:07
9月9日独立写作:
哎... 一开始审题错误
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older people.

For my father, he rarely knows any celebrities, and maybe the only celebrity he knows was the leader of the whole country. So it is not surprised that you cannot hear any gossip about any movie star or sports star from my father. So when I see this question whether celebrities are important to old people? My answer is that compared with today's young generation, older generation were less impacted by celebrities.

To begin with, with the development of technology, today's young generation like myself has width spectrum of ways to receive information outside daily circumstance, so the event or activity of celebrities have more impact than ever before. For example, internet, such important innovation in human history linked the life of everybody in this world, no matter who you are, where you from, we can easily find each other through internet. Therefore, all information of any specific celebrities could be retrieved by young people easily.

In contrast, my father, who is 70 years old, has no idea about how to use computer, thus has limited way to get information beyond his current society. And even if he receives many information about celebrities on TV, as a matured adult, he has the judgment to distinct between good and bad. Therefore, people in my parents generation had rarely been impacted by celebrities.

Admittedly, some people would argue that unique celebrity has deeper influence on young people than many celebrities. I agree with them since everybody has a hero or star in the mind and follow the criteria just as their heroes. However, we should not ignore the impact of the biggest information burst since 20th century. Not only the good side, but also the bad side of any celebrity could be retrieved by young people, so young people could consciously or sub-consciously copy everything from their celebrities.

Therefore, from what have been discussed I could confidently draw a conclusion that celebrities are more important to younger people than to older people.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-10 14:45
9月9日综合 TPO4

The passage shows several considerable evidences to provethat dinosaur were endotherms. However, the lecture refutes all evidences thepassage provides and believes that dinosaur could not necessarily beendotherms, and reasons are listed below.

To begin with, because the polar region in which thedinosaurs fossils were discovered could be much warmer million years ago thannow, so dinosaurs did not necessarily have the ability to maintain atemperature well above that of the surrounding environment. Therefore, theevidence raised by passage about discovery place of dinosaur fossils does notstand on this point.

In addition, the passage believes that the only reason forthe legs underneath body is to support fast running which is the important characteristicof endotherms. However, several possible purposes could explain why the positionof the legs was underneath the body. For example, it could be used to supportthe great weight of dinosaur rather than fast running.

Furthermore, besides the Halverson canals, the fossilizedbones of dinosaurs also come up with Growh Ring which could limit the growth ofdinosaurs during cold climate, while endothermy animals could keep constantgrowth rate during cold climate. Therefore, dinosaurs could not necessarily bea type of endotherm.

作者: solde 时间: 2013-9-10 22:13
改好啦~

作者: pengxudong 时间: 2013-9-11 03:59

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-10 14:45
9月9日综合 TPO4

The passage shows several considerable evidences to provethat dinosaur were endoth ...

改好拉，尽量捕捉听力中更多的信息呀

作者: sherryv 时间: 2013-9-11 20:03
亲我的综合你还没给我改呐~http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... ;page=3#pid18661438

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-11 22:23
9月10日独立写作 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement --It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

People are always wondering which way isbetter to relax, reading a book or doing physical exercise. If there is onepreference, which I take, leave to make conclusion, then it is doing physicalexercise, rather than reading a book, that could relax not only my body butalso my mind. There are widespread testimonies for it and the primary ones arelisted as follows.

The foremost reason for doing physicalexercise is the healthy life and strong body provided by daily workout. Arecently research about the most successful people shows that one of the vitalfeatures for their success is their infinity energy, which could support theirovertime work day in and day out, and ensure them making right decision underheavy pressure. How could they keep full of energy under such inhuman workload? Doing physical exercise. A survey just shows that people who exercisemore than 14 hours a week could live longer than those do not.

In contrast, the obvious thing brought bywatching a movie or reading a book after heavy work or study is myopia. Inchina, 75% students have myopia and this number has increased since 1970 whenTV become common in each family, and jumped even faster in 1996 when personalcomputer spreads widely in whole society. Therefore, I believe it's notappropriate to let students to keep using their tired eyes after heavy study.

Admittedly, watching a movie could relaxpeople's mind, and reading a book could increase people's knowledge. How satisfactoryand refreshing it could be to watch a movie or read a book in the peacefulevening after a tiring day. Hardly anyone could resist the comfortable sofa andwarm bed.

Nevertheless, the fact that watching amovie makes people more delightful and reading a movie makes people moreintelligence should not prevent us from concluding that doing physical exerciseis more visionary as well as healthful and placing a certain amount of relianceon the notion that physical exercise is always the sensible choice.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-11 23:38
9月10日综合 TPO5

The passage lists several possible purposes of these massive stone buildings, and provides looked convincing explanation to support each hypothesis. However, the lecture completely refutes all of these hypotheses by listing its arguments as follows:

For the hypothesis of purely residential, because there no enough fire place for hundreds of people to cook, and neither enough room for such numbers of people to live, it is un-convincing to conclude that these massive stone buildings were purely residential.

Regarding to the second theory about the purpose of grain maize storage, the lecture lists several evidence to refute it. First, although the rooms are large enough to store quite amount of grain maize, no spills of grain maize could be found. Secondly, if these rooms were used to store grain maize, some remained containers should be found. However, no container exists in this place.

Finally, compared with ceremonial centers, these great houses is more likely to be a trash station, since besides the pots, other building materials such as stone and sand are also revealed. Furthermore, the pots do not necessarily for festive meals, but for the meal of construction workers.

Therefore, all hypothesis made by passage have been rejected by lecture.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-12 15:35
9月11日独立写作
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情

Parents are always wondering which side is more important toaccompany their children, physical exercise or study relevant. As for me, bothof these affairs are not mutual exclusive, but equal important and evensupplementing each other. There are widespread testimonies for this principaland the primary ones are listed as follows.

From common sense, we have known that education is importantfor the development of young child, and that study is essential way for thedevelopment of human's brain. Therefore, parents should spend more time toaccompany their children on study. First, the young child has weak self-controlability, thus, without the supervision from elders, they would lose focus onthe study and hang on somewhere else. Second, parents just like the captain ofa sailing boat, with their guidance, the advantage and disadvantage of childcould be found earlier in the childhood, and then the child could be on a rightway according to his or her advantage. I could still remember that when I wasyoung my mother found me excellence on math then she encouraged me to joinOlympic math class, so I could become a math teacher today. Without her, itcould be possible that I'm still pondering on my direction.

On the other side, parents should not ignore the importanceof spending time on physical exercise and game with their children, sinceseveral indispensable benefits could be gained from these activities. Forexample, the intimacy, playing game is a good way to increase intimacy betweenparents and children. Under such activity, their relationship could become teammate; therefore, they could know each other more closely, relieving the gapbetween two generations. Besides that, physical exercise is another chance forparents to find out whether their children have sports or athletes talent. AnotherMichel Jordan or Tiger Woods could grow up from your back garden.

Admittedly, some people would argue that spending time withtheir children on physical exercise is much important than on study, and vice versa, because they believe thatthey know their children more than children themself, or that their childrenshould grow up in a predefined way. However, how could these parents know thattheir children are quite good on football if they did spend with their childrenon the ground, and how could they know that their children will become famousscientists on any specific area if they didn't seat with them and reviewedtheir homework.

Therefore, from what has been discussed, I could confidentlydraw a conclusion that both physical exercise and homework deserve parents tospend time with their children. And any presumption about the features of childrenshould make parents losing balance on these two sides.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-12 22:08
9月11日综合 TPO6
The passage refers several evidence to compare the value between traditional encyclopedias and the communal online encyclopedias, and then makes a conclusion that the former has much higher valuable than the latter. However, the lecture completely disagrees with the passage by refuting each evidence made by passage one by one.

In the first place, the lecture believes that it is unfair to criticize the errors existed in communal online encyclopedias, because there is no perfect encyclopedias online or offline. Furthermore, even if there is an error in online encyclopedias, it could be fixed quickly. In contrast, such error would take decade to be corrected in traditional encyclopedias.

Another point referred by passage is about the security issue existed in Communal online encyclopedias. Whereas the lecture cites several methods or strategies to relieve such concern. For example, nobody could change the factual article that nobody disputes. Besides that, special editors will supervise all modification on communal online articles.

Regarding the trivial and popular topics mentioned in the passage, the lecture believes that online topics reflect public interest rather than some limited and biased opinion, and such diversity is an important advantage of communal online encyclopedias. In contrast, the content listed in traditional encyclopedias is limited by space and discriminately determined by some specific people.

作者: 苦大仇深的Lexi 时间: 2013-9-13 11:10

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-12 22:08
9月11日综合 TPO6
The passage refers several evidence to compare the value between traditional encyc ...

文章已修改,详见附件~
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-873227-1-1.html
这个是我的作文链接,记得修改一下我的综合作文哦

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-13 11:50
9月12日独立: 是否同意政府不应该给艺术家(musician, filmmaker, artist...) 任何 financial support.

正文: 写的好好慢啊~~~~什么时候才能上400啊.....谁能提供个高端大气上档次的万能模板, 我背背呢~~~

Regarding the question whether government should suspend thefinancial support for artist such as musician and filmmaker, some peopledisagree with this proposal, while others stand on the opposite side. From my personalperspective, I believe that various factors should be taken into account beforewe make any judgment.

To begin with, the economic development and living standardof artists are various in different countries, in different areas and evengenerations, therefore, government should make the decision based oncomprehensive investigation. For example, the film industry is quite matured inmy country, and the whole ecology is healthy and flourishing. Everybody goes tocinema each weekend, so director could make any their idea come true withoutconsidering any financial factors, and, in turn, actors, male and female, couldfind job easily, and most of them live in big houses and drive luxurycars. Therefore it doesn't make sensefor government in my country to further supports film industry.

On the other hand, compared with the flourish in filmindustry, musical industry suffered the harshest winter this decade. By thelack of article education, people rarely listens classic music, not evenmention to go the theater. While less interest on classic music does notnecessarily mean more customer in popular music. Popular music is alsosuffering this decade because people could download everything they want from internetfor free. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the proposal about suspendingfinancial support for artists, in contrast, much more efforts and resourceshould be provided to support those artists who are struggling on theircareers.

Admittedly, there are many other aspects, such as educationfees and elder insurance should deserve more attention by government. In mycountry, many students in rural part are still studying in the camp, and manyelders are still living below the social living standard.

Nevertheless, the fact that parts of people in my countryneed help should not prevent government from taking care others who are also strugglingto survive, and placing a certain amount of reliance on the notion that theutility of resources need to be balanced.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-13 13:39
9月12日综合

TPO 7
The passage casts doubt on the probability that wood companies in the United States will adopt ecologically friendly practices to receive the ecocertification. However, the lecture relieves such concern by refuting the evidence the passage provides one by one.

To begin with, the lecture believes that the customers in United States do have the ability to distinguish the authorities among different certifications, specifically for these ecocertificationes issued by independent organizations. Whereas the passage holds an opposite view, with the consideration that so many cheating or susceptible labels are existed in American market.

Furthermore, the passage concerns that the additional cost will make companies losing customers. However the lecture points that the prince margin of American customer is larger than that considered by passage. Thus, if the price of certificated products is not higher too much than other products, then the customers will be interested on other factors such as ecological friendly.

Finally, regarding the motivation of American companies to keep up with the developments in the rest of the world, the lecture argues conclusively that if the American would fall behind other foreign companies, then by the interesting on the ecological products, American customers will buy the foreign ecocertificated products, which local American companies could not provide.

作者: pengxudong 时间: 2013-9-13 22:03

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-12 15:35
9月11日独立写作
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情

有什么问题欢迎讨论

作者: pengxudong 时间: 2013-9-14 03:22

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-13 11:50
9月12日独立: 是否同意政府不应该给艺术家(musician, filmmaker, artist...) 任何 financial support.

等我改完了才发现我看错我要批改的对象了，不过反正也改完了，就上传把

作者: 暴风雨小圆 时间: 2013-9-15 11:58

pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-14 03:22
等我改完了才发现我看错我要批改的对象了，不过反正也改完了，就上传把
...

wanggag的独立应该是我修改，下个独立我帮你修改吧0。0 as a return

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-9-22 16:04

pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-14 03:22
等我改完了才发现我看错我要批改的对象了，不过反正也改完了，就上传把
...

Hi, pengxudong, I just write the whole passage after learning your review. I would so appreciate if you could review it again.
Thank you so much.

作者: wanggang0411 时间: 2013-10-5 18:19
10月5日综合 TPO30

The passage and the lecture discuss theauthenticity of a story that the Greeks could defend themselves with creativeweapon 'burning mirror' from attack by the Roman navy over 2,200 years ago. Thepassage claims that this story is un-trustable and believes that the Greeks ofSyracuse didn't have the capacity to build such device, while the lectureargues that claim made in reading passage is wrong, and confidents that it isreasonable for the ancient Greeks to build such weapon.

In the first place, the author asserts thatthe ancient Greeks didn't have the technical ability to build such mirror,because the size of mirror needed to set ships on fire would have to beextremely wide with precise parabolic curvature. In contrast, the speakerbelieves that they did have such ability to build such big mirror, because theancient Greeks had the technology and mathematical knowledge to assembleseveral individual cooper mirrors into a large one.

Besides, the lecture states that becausethe ancient ships were not only made by wood but also made by stick substancenamed 'Pitch' which could be on fired by burning mirror in seconds, and thefire could spread to the other side of the ship and even when it is moving,contradicting what is stated in the reading passage that because it takes longtime to set the woods on fire, burning mirror is a completely impractical andineffective way during the war.

Finally, the author points out that there wasno reason for the ancient Greek to build burning mirror, since compared withflaming arrows, the burning mirror has no advantage, while the speakerindicates that the Roman soldiers were familiar with traditional weapons andready to deal with the fire made by flaming arrows. In contrast, the fire madeby burning mirror is quite surprising and difficult to be detected by the Romansoldiers.

Thus, the contents in the reading passageare totally disrupted by the speaker, who has completely different ideas on thetopic made in the reading passage.

作者: ChristinaJuris 时间: 2013-10-7 09:02
对不起啊楼主，改得晚了发得晚了。

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