ChaseDream

标题: 写作不可怕，有恒心，高分拿~ 求狠批！！！ [打印本页]

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-12 21:41
标题: 写作不可怕，有恒心，高分拿~ 求狠批！！！
今天正式开始每天写作小分队训练啦！
go~

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-12 21:43
12 Aug
At university and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal finacial support. (发现我找到的题目跟小分队里面写的有一点点不一样，不过就按这个写吧~）
473 words

Universities and colleges tend to weigh the benefits and costs when deciding where to spend money. Since good quality of classes and large amounts of books in libraries contribute to good performance of students, enhancing reputation for academic and educational excellence, universities usually devote millions of dollars in classes and libraries. Extracurricular activities such as sports and social activities are, however, showing their increasing importance in comprehensive development of university students. So people may wonder whether these sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries. And should they acquire equal financial support? My answer is yes.

First and foremost, sports are as important as academics for university students. As we know, People in this day and age consume much junk food. According to a most recent survey, 20 percent of adults in my country are too wide. What’s more, teenagers and young adults are easily addicted to computer games, resulting in problems such as weak health condition, poor eye-sights, and mental illness. Sports are the key to all these problems. When doing sports, students strengthen their health condition, make acquaintance to new friends, and distract attention from high pressure from study and focus on study better. Therefore, to help students gain healthy bodies and minds, thus study efficiently, universities should encourage their students to attend sports activities and should devote money in better sports facilities.

Second, social activities are also as important as academics for university students. Through those social activities, students acquire experience in social interactions and teamwork, thus adapting to the fierce competition in career better. For example, I used to be a really shy girl who dared not talk to strangers. Things changed after I joined several clubs, where I practiced my communication skills through parties, practiced my speech skills through presentations, and improved my leadership through organizing activities. The experience in social activities made me much more sophisticated and confident in dealing with complex stuffs, and even with my academics!

Furthermore, not only should universities adopt liberal policies towards those extracurricular activities, but also they should provide enough financial support to these activities. Though supportive policies are sure to arise more attention on sports and social activities and encourage more students to attend these activities, without money, student organizations will not run those activities effectively and with high quality. Holding a football game, for instance, requires both suitable football court and money for advertising, hiring judges, and buying other materials. In addition, since these activities are as important as classes and libraries, they are worth equal amount of money as classes and libraries.

To conclude, extracurricular activities like sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries in developing students comprehensively. To help students make better performance, universities should encourage and provide equal financial support to sports and social activities as classes and libraries.

作者: Kate1992 时间: 2013-8-13 16:28
12 Aug
At university and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal finacial support. (发现我找到的题目跟小分队里面写的有一点点不一样，不过就按这个写吧~）
473 words
【黄色部分是值得学习的部分，绿色部分是需要修改的部分】
Universities and colleges tend to weigh the benefits and costs when deciding where to spend money.【开头的点题很棒，对应financial support】 Since good quality of classes and large amounts of books in libraries contribute to good performance of students, enhancing reputation for academic and educational excellence, universities usually devote millions of dollars in【devote...to...】 classes and libraries. Extracurricular activities such as sports and social activities are, however, showing their increasing importance in comprehensive development of university students. So people may wonder whether these sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries. And should they acquire equal financial support? My answer is yes. 【点题提出观点】
【lz开头写的很精彩！思路很清晰~先写class重要，再指出sports的重要性，然后提出自己的观点，这样开头就很丰富了~】

First and foremost, sports are as important as academics for university students. 【观点1】As we know, People in this day and age consume much junk food. According to a most recent survey, 20 percent of adults in my country are too wide.【lz是想说20%人吃junk food，这个数字是非常巨大的吧，但单单这个句子的意思是20%的成年人太宽了，感觉不恰当，可以改成 20percent of adults ... do so, which is a large proportion.】 What’s more, teenagers and young adults are easily addicted to computer games, resulting in problems such as weak health condition, poor eye-sights, and mental illness. Sports are the key to all these problems. When doing sports, students strengthen【用improve更好一些】 their health condition, make acquaintance to【make acquaintances with】 new friends, and distract attention from【release】 high pressure from study and focus on study better. Therefore, to help students gain healthy bodies and minds, thus study【studying】 efficiently, universities should encourage their students to attend sports activities and should devote money in 【to】better sports facilities.【总结观点】
【这段道理说的挺清楚的，将sports的重要性，而且用词也很多样~】

Second, social activities are also as important as academics for university students. 【观点2，句式有点和观点1重复了，可以试着变一下】Through those social activities, students acquire experience in social interactions and teamwork, thus adapting to the fierce competition in career better. For example, I used to be a really shy girl who dared not talk to strangers. Things changed after I joined several clubs, where I practiced my communication skills through parties, practiced my speech skills through presentations, and improved my leadership through organizing activities. The experience in social activities made me much more sophisticated and confident in dealing with complex stuffs, and even with my academics!
【这段举了自己的例子很精彩~】
【前两段都是说的sports和activities的重要性，它们的确是很重要，但是好像没有体现出as important as classes 来，不妨加几句，这些好处和能力是class和library提供不了的但是对于未来发展十分重要的，因为大学的作用就是要qualify students for their future career嘛】

Furthermore, not only should universities adopt liberal policies towards those extracurricular activities, but also they should provide enough financial support to these activities. Though supportive policies are sure to arise more attention on sports and social activities and encourage more students to attend these activities, without money, student organizations will not run those activities effectively and with high quality. Holding a football game, for instance, requires both suitable football court and money for advertising, hiring judges, and buying other materials. In addition, since these activities are as important as classes and libraries, they are worth equal amount of money as classes and libraries. 【这个总结很精彩】

To conclude, extracurricular activities like sports and social activities are as important as 【这个as important as 出现的次数有点多了，可以试着换一下~譬如the same status 等等】classes and libraries in developing students comprehensively. To help students make better performance, 【这个make performance不是很恰当，可以说behave better】universities should encourage and provide equal financial support to sports and social activities as classes and libraries.

【lz句式很多样，用词很丰富，英语基础非常扎实，没有任何语法错误，非常值得学习】
【把和class的比较加进去逻辑就更完整了，一直说一方如何如何好，怎么怎么重要，还是不能说明同等重要，需要相同的财政支持】
【我要多向lz学习呢~一起努力！】

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-14 11:26

Kate1992 发表于 2013-8-13 16:28
12 Aug
At university and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and ...

我觉得你提的建议都相当精准有木有！！！很多细致的点我自己检查了一遍也没有发现。另外，确实，在强调activities和classes同等重要上面还是不够有说服力，只是一味在说activities的重要性，不够辩证。灰墙感谢啊！再接再厉！

作者: Kate1992 时间: 2013-8-14 19:46

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-14 11:26
我觉得你提的建议都相当精准有木有！！！很多细致的点我自己检查了一遍也没有发现。另外，确实，在强调a ...

这就是互改的魅力呢~~自己没能发现的问题可能别人就能看到~~一起努力吧~~

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-15 17:45
14 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules in societies today are too strict for young people.
515 words.

It seems that people always concern much about the development of young individuals. Articles in magazines and newspapers like to compare the situation of young people nowadays with those in the past, coming out with varieties of sounded theories. Recently, a topic that whether the rules in societies today are too strict for young people has raised wide concerns. Although people who in favor of this statement have cited pieces of evidence to support their claims, from my point of view, I believe this statement is overstated, that is, Young individuals in our society are not under too strict social rules.

In the first place, young people are provided with enough liberty in choosing their path of life. Admittedly, to survive under the increasing fierce competition, young adults have no other choices but to study and work hard, sacrificing much time for entertainment. We cannot, however, make the conclusion the social rules are too strict for these young adults. In fact, with the development of our life, fewer people have to struggle to satisfy basic needs, and more people have started chasing their interests and dreams, especially young people. For instance, for a young boy regards football player as his goal, he will find it not difficult to have friends to practice football with, to enter football schools for professional trainings, or to win support from parents and friends. For a young man 100 years ago, by contrast, he might find nowhere to get trainings and practice, more often, he would have to start the same job as his father and take responsibility of the whole family at a very young age.

Second, as the society advances, young people tend to have more chances for success. Raise the internet as an example, young people can have easy access to valid information they want when on line. They get free consult and courses, share experienced with each other, and make acquaintance to their business partners. All these make it much easier to realize their goal than their parents' generations.

Furthermore, the advancement of society also changes people's concept about success, making its border wider. In the past, people used to view success as having supreme power and possessing large amount of money. Those who enjoyed a peaceful like without large fortune were not deemed to be successful. As a result, young people were under strict social rules, which required them to struggle hard for money and power. Things are all changed in this day and age. When looking through the experience of the candidates for 2013 JCI outstanding Young, I found their path towards success varied: working as a volunteer without paying, giving up comfortable life to chase for real dreams, and keep fighting with severe diseases without giving in. In today's society, success is no longer far away from young people, but everyone can make it.

In a nutshell, it's overstated to conclude that young individuals now are under too strict social rules. In the contrast, they are facing with more career choices, more chances to achieve their dreams, and more support in the way to success.

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-15 17:47

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-15 17:45
14 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

求批改呀求批改~~

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-15 19:45
不好意思今天有事出门去了，先mark，我稍后会上传我的作文并过来批改<(_ _)>

====================================

0814 作文批改

蓝色字是个人意见及建议
黄色高亮是个人认为用得比较好的地方

It seems that people always concern much about the development of young individuals（开篇点题很到位！）. Articles in magazines and newspapers like to compare the situation of young people nowadays with those in the past, coming out with varieties of sounded theories.（首段最主要的是提出观点，在这样的前提，这句话略显啰嗦，建议和前面或后面一句话合并为一句） Recently, a topic that whether the rules in societies today are too strict for young people has raised wide concerns. Although people who in favor of this statement have cited pieces of evidence to support their claims, from my point of view, I believe this statement is overstated, that is, Young individuals in our society are not under too strict social rules.（首段用词很好，但是略显沉长，建议精简）

In the first place, young people are provided with enough liberty in choosing their path of life. Admittedly, to survive under the increasing fierce competition, young adults have no other choices but to study and work hard, sacrificing much time for entertainment. We cannot, however, make the conclusion the social rules are too strict for these young adults.（为了保证说理的客观性，在观点句中最好不要出现“we”，建议用被动句替代） In fact, with the development of our life, fewer people have to struggle to satisfy basic needs, and more people have started chasing their interests and dreams, especially young people. For instance, for a young boy regards football player as his goal, he will find it not difficult to have friends to practice football with, to enter football schools for professional trainings, or to win support from parents and friends. For a young man 100 years ago, by contrast, he might find nowhere to get trainings and practice, more often, he would have to start the same job as his father and take responsibility of the whole family at a very young age.（本段说理十分清晰，距离也很恰当。最后这里建议在例子后面再加上一两句说理的话深化主题）

Second, as the society advances, young people tend to have more chances for success. Raise the internet as an example, young people can have easy access to valid information they want when on line. They get free consult and courses, share experienced with each other, and make acquaintance to their business partners. All these make it much easier to realize their goal than their parents' generations.（本段观点是年轻人有更多的机会去成功，举了因特网的例子。不过说理的地方稍显不足，没有指明和主题“Young individuals in our society are not under too strict social rules”的关系，容易带给人一种“偏题”的错觉。建议在后面加上绕回到主题的一两句话。）

Furthermore, the advancement of society also changes people's concept about success, making its border wider. In the past, people used to view success as having supreme power and possessing large amount of money. Those who enjoyed a peaceful like without large fortune were not deemed to be successful. As a result, young people were under strict social rules, which required them to struggle hard for money and power. Things are all changed in this day and age. When looking through the experience of the candidates for 2013 JCI outstanding Young, I found their path towards success varied（同样建议用被动代替显主观倾向的“I”）:working as a volunteer without paying, giving up comfortable life to chase for real dreams, and keep fighting with severe diseases without giving in. In today's society, success is no longer far away from young people, but everyone can make it.

In a nutshell, it's overstated to conclude that young individuals now are under too strict social rules。In the contrast, they are facing with more career choices, more chances to achieve their dreams, and more support in the way to success.（最后一段总结简单到位，而且用词变化多样）.

整体印象：
看得出来同学的英文功底很好，用语非常自然，说理也很清晰。

最后算是个人的小疑问，515字真的是楼主在30分钟之内打出来的吗？！【膜拜！！！
楼主对题目关注的关键词在“strict”和“young people”上，看完本文之后稍微有些担心我自己那篇在理解上有偏题。。。

可以向楼主请教一下审题以及快速想到相关观点的方法吗？这里每次都想不到合适的支持点，在这里浪费好多时间呢。。。

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-16 18:13
TOP9
304words
In the lecture, the professor agrees with the author of the reading passage that internal-combustion engines cause a series of problems such as pollution and the running out of resources. As a result, it's a smart decision to look for alternative sources of energy for cars. The lecturer points out, however, that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is not a good choice for solving the problem. Actually, hydrogen fuel also results in varieties of problems.

Firstly, the hydrogen fuel is not as available as the author of the reading passage expects. It won't be useable unless being transformed into a kind of pure liquid form and being kept cold, and these requirements are not easy to satisfy. Therefore, the lecturer believes that the author of the passage is too optimistic to claim that fuel-cell engines utilize easily available since hydrogen cannot easily be depleted.

Second, the lecturer casts doubt on the statement in the reading passage that hydrogen-based fuel cells solve the pollution problems in the world. According to the reading passage, the only byproduct of burning hydrogen fuel is water, which does not pollute the environment as carbon dioxide produced by the burning of oil does. According to the lecture, by contrast, although burning hydrogen fuel won't produce pollution, creating hydrogen fuel will. The process of creating hydrogen fuel produces much pollution because it requires burning oil, releasing greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide.

Furthermore, the lecturer refutes the argument in the reading passage that people will spend less money when using a hydrogen fuel. While according to the lecture, because chemical reaction can easily happens on hydrogen, other materials are needed to use with hydrogen fuel to keep it stable. And using those materials can cost huge amount of money. Thus, changing from using internal-combustion engine to hydrogen-based engine will be unsuccessful in cutting cost.

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-17 11:56

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-16 18:13
TOP9
304words
In the lecture, the professor agrees with the author of the reading passage that inter ...

这篇我看lz文章的时候把听力文本和阅读文本都找出来了=）
有一些小小的建议看附件

觉得lz水平很好呢

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-17 11:58

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-16 18:13
TOP9
304words
In the lecture, the professor agrees with the author of the reading passage that inter ...

lz可以也帮我看看作文吗？
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=744721

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-17 13:40

hemodata 发表于 2013-8-17 11:56
这篇我看lz文章的时候把听力文本和阅读文本都找出来了=）
有一些小小的建议看附件

啊啊啊！！！！我弄错了！by contrast和on the contrast那条！lz请忽略！！！

作者: thinking99 时间: 2013-8-17 15:44
求修改，来不及了，1号就考试，一切烂透了，拜托大家帮帮忙，感激不尽

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-17 20:53
lz的8.16综合写作。。。在哪？。。。没有啊。

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-17 20:55
找都找不到怎么批改。。。

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-17 22:40

whom123 发表于 2013-8-17 20:55
找都找不到怎么批改。。。

我写的是tpo9诶... 难道不对么？

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-18 00:50

hemodata 发表于 2013-8-17 11:58
lz可以也帮我看看作文吗？
http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?mod=redirect&goto=findpost&ptid=869 ...

其实我不太明白诶，为什么综合作文的开头可以删去。是不太重要么？

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-18 01:04

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-15 19:45
不好意思今天有事出门去了，先mark，我稍后会上传我的作文并过来批改

================================== ...

已经改完啦~ Lane有空去看呀~ 其实我决定下次一定要放上写作时间。这次其实加审题什么写了差不多一个小时... 时间上完全木有可膜拜的地方T T 一起努力吧

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 01:08

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-18 00:50
其实我不太明白诶，为什么综合作文的开头可以删去。是不太重要么？

啊今天我修改你的时候也在想这个开头重不重要
因为我之前没有看到过这样子的一个部分

我觉得写出来比较好的是，体现你听力能力

但是，因为综合写作的要求是“Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they oppose the specific points made in the reading passage”
所以，我理解的是，综写要表达的重点是听力文本和原阅读文本的观点之间关系是怎样的
所以agree的部分其实是background的介绍，并非真正的观点部分，所以相对不那么重要

不知道你觉得怎样？

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-18 01:18

hemodata 发表于 2013-8-18 01:08
啊今天我修改你的时候也在想这个开头重不重要
因为我之前没有看到过这样子的一个部分

理解的很对。即使提到阅读的内容，也应该是作为听力的一种反驳或者认同的内容，最重要的还是突出听力是怎么基于阅读来反驳的。那篇文章我之所以提到阅读的内容，是因为听力里面一开始有比较明确地认同阅读的部分观点。所以我就写出来啦~ 不过其实它具体怎么表述的我是忘了。

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 01:28

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-18 01:18
理解的很对。即使提到阅读的内容，也应该是作为听力的一种反驳或者认同的内容，最重要的还是突出听力是 ...

是的，这篇稍微特别一点。
不过俗话说嘛，做多错多，如果不能记忆的特别清楚，不写出来比较保险。
如果真是特清楚，还说了特别多，大概还是要写出来的。
哈哈！那你加油刷考位，咱们一天考！

ps叫我小默就好～哈哈

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 12:40

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-17 22:40
我写的是tpo9诶... 难道不对么？

8.16明明是tpo10啊。。。

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 14:47
两个好东西=）
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=744721

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 19:11
啊。。。你都木有更新。。。今天新写了作文
本来想过来帮你修改了以后，请你帮我看看呢
5555

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-19 21:26
TPO 12 WORD: 323 TIME: 完成用时30分钟。花费了30分钟修改。（有点越改越不成一体的赶脚~）

In the reading passage, the author cites three pieces of evidence in support to the argument that the teenage girl in the portrait which recently comes out for sale is exactly Jane Austen as a teenager. According to the lecture, however, the argument in the reading passage is open to doubt and the subject may not be the portrait of Jane Austen.

First and foremost, in 1882, when her family permitted the use of the portrait, Jane Austen had been dead for around 70 years. Almost none of those family members had the opportunity to see Jane Austen by themselves. Thus nobody can prove the young girl in the portrait to be Austen with certainty, and thus the lecturer believes the first evidence cited in the reading passage is poorly sounded.

Second, the lecturer refutes the reasoning in the reading passage that the young girl in the painting is sure to be Jane Austen because she resembles adult Jane Austen. In fact, even though the teenage girl in the picture looks similar to Jane Austen, she might be a relative of Austen, such as her cousins. In the big family of Jane Austen, there are sure to be girls who resemble Austen. Without more convincing evidence to eliminate this possibility, the reading passage seems to be poorly sounded.

Furthermore, the author in the reading passage claims that the portrait was painted in the period when Jane Austen was a teenager, and this claim is simply based on the style of the painting. On the contrast, the lecturer points out that it’s impossible for the portrait to be painted when Jane Austen was so young, instead, it was not painted until Austen was over 27 years old, when the canvas of the portrait started selling. According to the lecturer, the reading passage apparently fails to take into account other factors such as the dates of the canvas, thus making mistakes in dating the portrait.

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-19 23:21

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-19 21:26
TPO 12 WORD: 323 TIME: 完成用时30分钟。花费了30分钟修改。（有点越改越不成一体的赶脚~）

In the re ...

我觉得还好啊，只是略微在段落之间有一些重复，和不是特别干净利落罢了
你看看捏

啊，我昨天的作文Kate和晓野改掉了
下一次的再麻烦你^^

作者: sallygreen 时间: 2013-8-20 15:21
请lyslj[attach]126121[/attach]大牛姐姐修改~ 啦啦啦踏着轻快的脚步留下一篇渣作！
come on!

作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-20 15:24
西瓜君，我今天练习了TPO21的综合写作，乃要不要跳跃一下跟我同题材练习捏？
酱紫我就很好意思麻烦你看看我的这个综合写的怎么样啦^^

http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=744721

作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-20 15:50
Hi~我是互改tpo13综合写作的小伙伴，你的作业捏？

我写完了哦
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-2-1.html

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-20 18:57
TPO 13： 作业来啦！感觉今天的不太好写呢。有些关键点没有听到很清楚，只好猜了。
272 WORDS
The lecturer believes that the reading passage is overstated in arguing that the large fossil business has undermined the development for both scientists and the general public. According to her, the benefits from the commercial sales of fossils acturally overweigh their negative consequences.

First and foremost, it's the fossil business that increases the amount of fossils available for public to see. In another word, there are no less fossils that the public have access to after the development of fossil business sales than before. In fact, with the commercial fossil trading in the market, institutions such as schools and museums will afford to buy more fossils to display in good prices. The reading passage, therefore, is unconvincing in arguing that the public will be less possible to see fossils and thus lose their interest.

Second, the lecturer points out that the reading passage is way too unrealistic in its statement, indicating that those fossils for sale need to pass through exams and tests before being put value. During the process, scientists are able to do scientific research on fossils. Therefore, the statement that fossils business reduces the opportunities for important scientific examinations is poorly sounded.

Furthermore, the lecturer admits the potential damages the fossil commerce has towards the fossils, but she also indicates that this should not be cited as a reason to refute the benefits of fossil business. She points out that the most important thing in scientific discoveries is to make unearth as more fossils as possible rather than to acquire complete data about the fossils. The buying and selling of fossils stimulate the increase of fossils unearth, thus contributing to the scientific researches toward fossils.

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-20 18:58

Mint静默发表于 2013-8-20 15:50
Hi~我是互改tpo13综合写作的小伙伴，你的作业捏？

我写完了哦

不好意思超时啦！我来也~~

作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-20 20:55
sorry~我来晚了

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-20 21:29

sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-20 15:21
请lyslj大牛姐姐修改~ 啦啦啦踏着轻快的脚步留下一篇渣作！
come on!

刚看到你这个留言~ 你要表这么轻快~ 赶紧学习去！

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-21 14:07
先上今天的综合啦~
【TPO 14】 282words
The lecturer agrees with the reading passage that salvage logging is effective in some aspects in helping forests to recover after severe storms. She points out, however, several long term damages which are brought by salvage logging and which we must take into account.

First and foremost, clearing up dead trees may actually destroy the right conditions for others plants to thrive. According to the lecturer, it's these dead trees that enrich the soil in forests with nutrients. In another word, if dead trees are rapidly removed right after storms, their remained peers in forests will be lack of essential nutrients important for these plants to survive. The lecturer therefore claims that salvage logging will in some extent harm the forests, which contrasts with the opinion demonstrated in the reading passage.

Second, the lecturer admits that dead trees tend to create suitable habitat for injurious insects, resulting in series of problems. But she also argues that those pests may have already existed on the trees for over a hundred years. In addition, not only will decaying wood provide homes for harmful insects, but they also enable helpful animals, such as birds to settle down, contributing to the healthy growth of the whole forests.

Furthermore, the lecturer also casts doubt on the statement made in the passage that salvage logging has economic benefits. In fact, cutting down and terming dead trees into useable wood can raise huge amounts of money, undermining the expected economic effects. Moreover, despite the additional jobs salvage logging may create, plentiful experience and other strict requirements will also stop local workers from applying for these temporary jobs. The facts above strongly prove that salvage logging contributes little to the local economics.

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-21 19:17
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
【513 WORDS】
（格式出现了点问题，正文就改到下面一栏啦~)

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-21 19:39

Tired from a whole day's works, a person usually selects his favoriteway to relax. Some individuals may turn to varieties of movies and books, makingthe assertion that it is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a bookthan by doing physical exercise. As far as I am concerned, however, thisstatement is somewhat exaggerated and in reality, doing exercises is an equalor even better choices.

Admittedly, nobody can disclaim that watching movies and readingbooks are both relaxing in some aspects. When individuals are attracted tothose appealing plots in books and movies, they distract themselves from fiercecompetitions and heavy pressures. This kind of relaxation, however, is oftentemporary. It means that when finish the magic stories, people have no otherchoices but to return back to their real life and face all those tough stuffsagain. In addition, this kind of relaxing also brings series of problems suchas eyesight degradation, poor physical health resulted from less exercise, anda lack of essential social interactions as well. By contrast, physical exercisefixes all these problems. Not only will individuals obtain enough relaxation,but they acquire qualities crucial for their future careers.

On the one hand, people will have easy access to enough relaxation throughphysical sports. Take playing tennis as an instance, instead of simply brainworks, people concentrate themselves on specific movements of the whole bodies,such as how to hit the ball from a right angle Without complex formulas andfiles filled with words, brains get valuable chances to relax. Moreover,through consistently shouting and laughing, people release their depressive emotions,totally cleaning up garbage deposited on minds. According to a recent research,students who regularly exercise tend to make better performances in academicsthan those who do not. Compared with the short-term effects from eitherwatching movies or reading books, the benefits of exercise are apparently morepractical and lasting. Because it helps people both relax well and concentrate on their tasks better in the long run.

On the other hand, through exercise, people gain qualities andabilities which contribute to their further advancement in careers. First, exerciseis a traditional way to strengthen bodies. And a strong body enables the personto work for a long time and deal with multiple tasks without being disturbed byfrequent sicknesses. Second, doing sports also enhance people's abilities ofteam works. During the process, people learn how to trust others whennecessary, present their unique ideas and maximize the achievements throughteam works. Just as people cooperate well with each other in a sports team, incareer, they will get along well with their colleagues, struggle to finish jobsbefore the deadline, and defeat other competitors in the market. Finally, they willstep in the success in careers. To this extent, physical exercise appears againto a better way to relax than movies and books since it brings people morebenefits besides just relaxation.

In a nutshell, doing physical exercise is so important a way to helppeople relax that it is in some extent even more efficacious thanwatching movies and reading books. This method helps individuals relax better,strengthens their bodies, and improves their skills in social interactions,enabling them to live better life in the future.

作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-21 19:51
0 0楼主的作文字数好多啊！
求问你是怎么拓展思路的

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-21 20:09

Mint静默发表于 2013-8-21 19:51
0 0楼主的作文字数好多啊！
求问你是怎么拓展思路的

回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。并且其实我又写超时了= = 总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚，尽量让读文章的人能理解我的思路。于是写着写着就hold不住了~ 不过要说字数多，可以去看sallygreen姐姐的文章！哈哈

但是！据说，如果文笔一般，写很多确实是一种的高分的手段~

作者: sallygreen 时间: 2013-8-21 22:55

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 20:09
回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。并且其实我又写超时了= = 总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚 ...

额，求lyslj童鞋轻黑 ~ 你的文文我晚点给改哈

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-21 23:06

sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-21 22:55
额，求lyslj童鞋轻黑 ~ 你的文文我晚点给改哈

好吧...其实我已经跟你写的差不多字数了我们都是苦口婆心的银~

作者: sallygreen 时间: 2013-8-21 23:29
改好了

作者: xiaxiaya 时间: 2013-8-22 08:13

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 14:07
先上今天的综合啦~
【TPO 14】 282words
The lecturer agrees with the reading passage that salvage logg ...

【TPO 14】 282words
The lecturer agrees with the reading passage that salvage logging is effective in some aspects in helping forests to recover after severe storms. She points out, however, several long term （turns ?）damages which are brought by salvage logging and which we must take into account.（这一句没太看懂^^...）
【感觉开头稍微有一点没抓重点，首段列出文章和听力的主要观点，再评论一句他们冲突，或教授反对什么的，这样就清晰了~】

First and foremost, clearing up dead trees may actually destroy the right conditions （appropriate growth environment ） for others plants to thrive. According to the lecturer, it's these dead trees that enrich the soil in forests with nutrients（这都能想出来...牛）. In another word, if dead trees are rapidly removed right after storms, their remained peers in forests will be lack of essential nutrients important for these plants to survive(用从句可能好一点，虽然我不太确定这句是不是有语法错误). The lecturer therefore claims that salvage logging will in some extent harm the forests, which contrasts with the opinion demonstrated in the reading passage.
【文段的论点和细节用一句话提一下，再对比听力论点，可能更好~】

Second, the lecturer admits that dead trees tend to create suitable habitat for injurious insects, resulting in series of problems. But she also argues that those pests may have already existed on the trees for over a hundred years. In addition, not only will decaying wood provide homes for harmful insects, but they also enable helpful animals, such as birds to settle down, contributing to the healthy growth of the whole forests. （enable sb to do 好像语法更常见）

Furthermore, the lecturer also casts doubt on the statement made in the passage that salvage logging has economic benefits. In fact, cutting down and terming（trimming？） dead trees into useable wood can raise huge amounts of money, undermining the expected economic effects. Moreover, despite the additional jobs salvage logging may create, plentiful experience and other strict requirements will also stop local workers from applying for these temporary jobs. The facts above strongly prove that salvage logging contributes little to the local economics.

【总的来说，楼主的点基本都抓到了~主要是改写的时候注意一下语法和用词就很好了~】

作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-22 10:02

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-21 20:09
回M酱君~ 字数多不一定好呀。并且其实我又写超时了= = 总之我写作文时候会有强烈的欲望把逻辑链写清楚 ...

我去看了。。真是一个比一个能写= =
找一天来膜拜各位的作文

作者: lyslj001 时间: 2013-8-24 22:59
【TPO 18】 283words
The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinions on the methods to help Torreya thrive. The passage proposes three ways that might help, but the lecturer claims that none of these methods is the solution to the decline of Torreya.

First and foremost, although the former microclimate used to provide suitable conditions for Torreya, the passage fails to take into account the changes of the climate. Actually, the global warming and the draining of the wet lands have made the environment in Northern Florida much drier, which is no longer the right condition for Torreya to survive. Thus the suggestion in the reading passage that moving Torreya back to the same location is open to doubt.

Second, the lecturer cites an example of another plant as opposition to the argument in the passage that moving Torreya to an entirely different location is a sensible choice. According to the lecturer, once the trees are planted in a different land, they will spread rapidly and even kill the local plants which might are also endangered. Because of the unpredicted outcomes this method may cause, it's somewhat too optimistic for the passage to make its indication.

Furthermore, the lecturer also points out that the plants which captain the research center may not survive diseases because it requires the plant population to be large and diverse. Although the wild environment can satisfy these requirements, the research center cannot. Therefore, as the lecturer contends, the plants in these centers will fail in surviving under diseases in the long run. This fact disproves the argument in the reading passage that preserving Torreya in research centers can help both protect the species and promote scientific research on them.

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-26 02:42

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-24 22:59
【TPO 18】 283words
The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinio ...

蓝色是个人意见
黄色高亮是好词好句

The reading passage and the listening lecture hold totally controversial opinions on the methods to help Torreya thrive. The passage proposes three ways that might help, but the lecturer claims that none of these methods is the solution to the decline of Torreya.

First and foremost, although the former microclimate used to provide suitable conditions for Torreya, the passage fails to take into account the changes of the climate. Actually, the global warming and the draining of the wet lands have made the environment in Northern Florida much drier, which is no longer the right condition for Torreya to survive. Thus the suggestion in the reading passage that moving Torreya back to the same location is open to doubt.（建议提一下哪些观点是文章里面说的、哪些观点是教授说的）

Second, the lecturer cites an example of another plant as opposition to the argument in the passage that moving Torreya to an entirely different location is a sensible choice. According to the lecturer, once the trees are planted in a different land, they will spread rapidly and even kill the local plants which might are also endangered. Because of the unpredicted outcomes this method may cause, it's somewhat too optimistic for the passage to make its indication.

Furthermore, the lecturer also points out that the plants which captain the research center may not survive diseases because it requires the plant population to be large and diverse. Although the wild environment can satisfy these requirements, the research center cannot.（这前后两句更像是对比转折，用让步看上去逻辑稍微有些奇怪）Therefore, as the lecturer contends, the plants in these centers will fail in surviving under diseases in the long run. This fact disproves the argument in the reading passage that preserving Torreya in research centers can help both protect the species and promote scientific research on them.

整体来说应该有的点已经全部答到，稍微修改一下细节将会是一篇非常完美的作文。

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