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标题: 晓野的野的作文贴【欢迎拍砖】【砖管够】【考前每日一练】 [打印本页]
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-4 23:56
标题: 晓野的野的作文贴【欢迎拍砖】【砖管够】【考前每日一练】
手残敲字慢......
脑...呃....
必须把作文练起来！
药药切克闹，每日作文来一套！
8月4日 独立作文
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8月6日 独立作文 综合作文TPO3
8月7日 独立作文 综合作文TPO4
8月8日 木有写...我忏悔，绝对没有下一次
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8月23日 独立作文 综合作文 TPO20
8月24日 独立作文 综合作文 TPO21
8月25日 真题
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-4 23:58
8月4日 独立作文
有人一边学习一边玩手机、上网、听歌，你赞同么？
Some people prefer to study while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music. They argue that they can finish studying with enjoyment. However, I have different ideas. When it comes to the statement that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing cellphones or surfing the Internet, I disagree. Three reasons are offered in support of my opinion: doing so will divert students’ attention and form a bad habit, lower students’ efficiency and reduce learning quality.
First of all, studying while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music will distract people's attention. We need to pay enough attention to study because learning is not easy and we need think while learning. If people pay too much attention to other things, they do not have enough energy for studying, and, as a result they can not think out the hard problem and can not come up with good idea. If students keep doing so, they will start a bad habit.
In the second place, studying while doing other things especially some things that are full of entertainment will lower students' efficiency. It is very likely that students will stop studying and begin to watch a movie because they find a new movie on the Internet. It is a waste of time if the work that can be finished in an hour is finished in two hours. For example, Jack, my good friend who liked to study while doing some other things such as surfing the Internet, always stayed up late to finish his home work and did a bad job. After I told him to change his studying habit, he significantly increased his studying efficiency and got good grades in the last exam.
Admittedly, that students study while surfing the Internet or playing cellphones seems to make learning become more interesting. But what students lose exceeds what students get: Doing so reduces the quality of studying. More time are paid while the quality of leaning is decreased. And in fact students do not fully enjoy the entertainment. It is no doubt that people can have more fun if they finish their learning tasks. They’d better finish their learning tasks first and go on the entertainment.
To sum up, I do not agree with the opinion that people should study while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music. The bad learning habit distracts people’s attention, lowers students’ efficiency and reduces the learning quality. For these reasons, I disagree with the opinion that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing telephones or surfing the Internet.
作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-5 01:40
第一次帮人改作文，有什么不足的地方还请多多包涵。
黄色高亮是个人觉得原文有问题的地方。
蓝色是发现有错误的地方，不过本人的语法等知识也非常糟糕所以判断错误的话请指出。
紫红色是关于表达提出的建议。
8月4日 独立作文
有人一边学习一边玩手机、上网、听歌，你赞同么？
Some people prefer to study while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music. They argue that they can finish studying with enjoyment. However, I have different ideas. When it comes to the statement that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing cellphones or surfing the Internet, I disagree. （这里的两句话删掉“I have different ideas”，直接把两句合为一句会不会更简洁？）Three reasons are offered in support of my opinion: doing so will divert students’ attention and form a bad habit, lower students’ efficiency （“lower ”和“efficiency ”搭配起来好奇怪的样子， 更常见的是：reduce/decrease efficiency ）and reduce learning quality.（如果想要表达降低学习效率和学习质量的话这样会不会更好： reduce student's learning efficiency and study quality.) (不过个人觉得这里这最后一句从“Three reason ”开始可以略去，直接“I will try to demonstrate my opinion in the following paragraphs.”）
First of all, studying while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music will distract people's attention. We need to pay enough attention to study because learning is not easy and we need think while learning. If people pay (paid，现在对现在的虚拟时用一般过去式)too much attention to other things, they do （did，理由同上）not have enough energy for （in ）studying, and, (这里建议去掉and直接断成两句)as a result they can not think out the hard problem and can not come up with good idea. If students keep doing so, they will start a bad habit. ( They couldn't be involved in complex thinking, which will lead to the loose of such an ablity. 感觉楼主想表达的是这个意思？)
In the second place, studying while doing other things especially some things that are full of entertainment will lower students' efficiency.(这句主题句略啰嗦。) It is very likely that students will stop studying and begin to watch a movie because （逻辑上来说用“If”虚拟或“when”更恰当？）they find a new movie on the Internet. It is a waste of time if the work that can be finished in an hour is finished in two hours. For example, Jack, my good friend who liked to study while doing some other things such as surfing the Internet, always stayed up late to finish his home work and did a bad job. After I told him to change his studying habit, （After + doing sth, XXXXX）(就楼主想要表达的意思来说，把“I telling”换成“I persuading”劝说、劝服 感觉更形象一些？)he significantly increased his studying efficiency and got good grades in the last exam.（总的来说这个例子有点不切题的赶脚。楼主的主题句是“学习时三心二意会降低效率”，但是举的例子是“我的同学改掉了三心二意的毛病所以成绩提高了”。如果是我来写这个例子的话会“我的一个成绩很好的同学因为不集中注意力所以成绩直线下滑”。）（另外，就结构上来说，这个例子少了举例之后的总结深化句，给人一种欠缺感。）
Admittedly, that students study while surfing the Internet or playing cellphones seems to make learning become more interesting. But what students lose exceeds what students get: Doing so reduces the quality of studying. More time are paid while the quality of leaning is decreased. And in fact students do not fully enjoy the entertainment. It is no doubt that （固定句型：There is no doubt that XXXXXX）people can have more fun if they finish their learning tasks. They’d better finish their learning tasks first and go on the entertainment.（这一段主题句和结构不是很清晰。）
To sum up, I do not agree with the opinion that people should study while playing cellphones, surfing the Internet and listening to music. The bad learning habit distracts people’s attention, lowers students’ efficiency and reduces the learning quality. (总结句里面的词最好还是不要照抄第一段，换个表述更容易拿高分)For these reasons, I disagree with the opinion that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing telephones or surfing the Internet. （这一句和前面那句重复了有些啰嗦。）
以上~
总的来说楼主的语句有种Chinglish的感觉。。。就是那种语法没错但是读起来就是有“总觉得那里不对”这样的感觉。
不过本人的英文语感也不是很好所以就不再妄加评论了。。。
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-5 11:36
laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-5 01:40 
第一次帮人改作文，有什么不足的地方还请多多包涵。
黄色高亮是个人觉得原文有问题的地方。
谢谢sherry~
我会认真修改的！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-5 16:38
8月4日修改版
有人一边学习一边玩手机、上网、听歌，你赞同么？
Some people prefer to study while playing cell phones, surfing the Internet and listening to music. They argue that they can finish studying with enjoyment. However, when it comes to the statement that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing cell phones or surfing the Internet, I disagree. Several reasons are offered in support of my opinion: doing so will divert students’ attention, form a bad habit, and reduce students’ efficiency and learning quality.
First of all, that students study while playing cell phones, surfing the Internet and listening to music will distract people's attention. People need to pay enough attention to study because learning is not easy. And we need to think with sufficient concentration while learning. If the brain is busy focusing on many other things, it cannot pay sufficient attention to think of problems in studying. And as a result, problems remain unsolved and people learn nothing new from studying. If students continue to learn in this way, a bad habit of learning will be formed and will do harm to students in the future.
In the second place, studying while doing other things especially some things that are full of entertainment will reduce students' efficiency. It is highly possible that students will stop studying and begin to watch a movie after they find a new movie on the Internet. It is a waste of time to spend 2 hours finishing the work if the work can be finished in an hour. For example, Jack, my good friend who liked to study while doing some other things such as surfing the Internet, always stayed up late to finish his home work and did a bad job. After I persuaded him to change his studying habit, he significantly increased his studying efficiency and got good grades in the last exam. From this example, we can draw the conclusion that studying without concentration reduces the studying efficiency.
Admittedly, that students study while surfing the Internet or playing cell phones seems to make learning become more interesting. But what students lose exceeds what students get: Doing so reduces the quality of studying. More time are paid while the quality of leaning is decreased. And in fact students do not fully enjoy the entertainment. There is no doubt that people can have more fun if they finish their learning tasks. They’d better finish their learning tasks first and go on the entertainment.
To sum up, engaging in recreational activities while studying is not a good way for studying. The bad learning habit distracts people’s attention, lowers students’ efficiency and reduces the learning quality. For these reasons, I disagree with the opinion that students should study while doing some other things full of entertainment such as playing telephones, surfing the Internet or listening to music.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-6 01:52
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
为了经济发展，我们可以忽略环境问题
Nowadays, many countries, especially many developing countryies, are trying their best to develop their economy. So eager are they to keep the high rate of economic growth that they always overlook the environmental problems. The economic seems to develop well despite of the severe damage that the environment suffer from. When it comes to the statement that people can develope the economy by taking risk to overlook the environment issues, however, I cannot agree. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to justify my opinion.
In the first place, overlooking environmental issues, people always pay less attention to the solid waste discharges and waste gas emissions, which will do great harm to living standards. In those years, there is an increasing number of people become seriously ill and it become harder to cure those new diseases. Some researches show that such strange diseases are due to the pollutants, which are cause by the excessive waste discharge. Developing the economy without considering about the environmental issues, people may get more money but they lose health. What is worse is that health cannot be bought with money.
Additionally, environmental issues and economic growth are not two separated part. A good and fast economic growth rate depends on a healthy ecological environment. Assuming that the ecological environment in an area is so fragile that the forests are degraded and water is dried out, no factories can be build up here since there is even no materials. There is no doubt that economy can not or can hard develope in such areas so that attention to environmental issues is necessary.
Admittedly, the economy can be fast developed without considering about the environmental issues or at the cost of healthy ecological environment. However, it is bad for the long-term development since the environmental is so seriously polluted that it will cost a great amount of money to handle this problem. Furthermore, what can our younger generations use since we use too much natural materials because of lacking in attention to the environment?
To sum up, I would like to emphasize that it is not a good way to develop economy without considering about environmental issues. In this way, as I mentioned, the living standard is reduced, the development is negative influenced, and the long-term development is damaged. For those reasons, I cannot agree with such opinion.
慢慢写，写了一个多小时，以为写了500多字
结果差几个字才400......唉
作者: mk314400 时间: 2013-8-6 11:51
Nowadays,many countries, especially many developing countryies（拼写）, are trying their best to develop their economy. Soeager are they to keep the high rate of economic growth that they alwaysoverlook the environmental problems. The economic（economy） seems to develop welldespite of the severe damage that the environment suffer(s) from.When it comes to the statement that people can develope(拼写) the economy by taking risk to overlookthe environment issues, however, I cannot agree.（个人觉得这句有点奇怪。however前后联结的应该是有明显转折意义的两个分句，但是when后面的这句和cannot agree这句似乎没有特别明显的转折意味。能不能改成whenit comes to the…., some people agree, however, I cannot agree。这样感觉会顺畅许多～） Severalreasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to justify myopinion.
In the first place, overlooking environmentalissues, people always pay less attention to the solid waste discharges andwaste gas emissions, which will do great harm to（standard似乎不能用do harm to, lower是不是更好？） living standards. In those years, thereis an increasing number of people become（becoming. There be 之后加doing） seriously ill and itbecome(becomes) harder to cure those new diseases. Someresearches show that such strange diseases are due to the pollutants, which arecause(d) by the excessive waste discharge.Developing the economy without considering about the environmental issues,people may get more money but they lose health(lose health有点奇怪。。weak health会不会好一点). What is worse is thathealth cannot be bought with money.
（该段的sub point是污染环境会使生活标准下降。但是支持这个观点的内容都是与health有关的。但是living standard不仅仅包括health。所以在支持的时候能否全面一点？）
Additionally,environmental issues and economic growth are not two separated（separate） part. A good and fasteconomic growth rate depends on a healthy ecological environment. Assuming thatthe ecological environment in an area is so fragile that the forests are degradedand water is dried out, no factories can be build(built) up heresince there is(are. Be动词与materials对应) even no materials. There is no doubtthat economy can not or can hard develope（拼写） in such areas so that attention to environmental issuesis necessary.（最后一句什么意思没有读懂。。）
Admittedly, the economy can be fast developedwithout considering about the environmental issues or at the cost of healthyecological environment.（后半句的意思不对。你想表达的是不能因为发展经济而污染环境对吧？但是如果把句子写完整theeconomy can be fast developed without at the cost of healthy ecologicalenvironment。语法不对。我觉得直接改成the economy can not be fast developed…会更清晰）However, it is bad for the long-term development since the environmental（environment） is so seriously pollutedthat it will cost a great amount of money to handle this problem. Furthermore,what can our younger generations use since we use too much natural materialsbecause of lacking in attention to the environment?
（第三段貌似不能作为一个sub point。因为这个观点貌似是你要证明的主要的观点。）
To sum up, I would like to emphasize that it isnot a good way to develop economy without considering about environmentalissues. In this way, as I mentioned, the living standard is reduced(lowered), thedevelopment is negative(ly) influenced, and thelong-term development is damaged(觉得用affected会更符合逻辑). For those reasons, Icannot agree with such opinion.（我觉得不能直接说不同意。题目的问题是能不能，你回答不同意似乎不妥。）
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-6 14:47
mk314400 发表于 2013-8-6 11:51
Nowadays,many countries, especially many developing countryies（拼写）, are trying their best to dev ...
谢谢MK~~~
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-6 14:49
8月6日 综合作文 TPO3 初版
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of the reading passage that the portrait of a woman is not made by Rembrandt. The professor argues that after several examinations, the results show that the portrait is actually made by Rembrandt. Three evidences are offered to support the professor’s idea.
In the reading passage, it says that something is inconsistent about the way the woman in the portrait is dressed because she wears a collar that no servant can afford. On the contrary, the professor says that the fur collar was added after the portrait was made since someone wanted to increase the value of the portrait.
The professor then opposes reading passage's idea that light and shadow in the painting do not fit together, by stating that the woman wears light color clothes. And the light was reflected to the woman's face. In this way, it illuminated the woman's face. And as the matter of fact, it shows Rembrandt's skill of painting light and shadow.
Finally, the passage says that the portrait was painted on a panel of pieces of wood glued together, which is not consist of Rembrandt's way. However the professor points out that the wood panel was enlarged. The portrait was painted on a single piece of wood. In fact, the wood was very same as some other portraits of Rembrandt, the portrait of himself.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-6 18:45
8月6日 独立作文
Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends? a. joining a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling
Students are always eager to make new friends, friends that they can share their feelings with, talk about various interests with and get help from. Speaking of the best way to make new friends among joining a sports team, participating in community activities and traveling, obviously I prefer traveling. Traveling owns many superior advantages over the rest ways. Several reasons will be offered in support of my opinion.
In the first place, people you meet during your traveling clearly have the same hobbies as yours since all of you are fond of going to somewhere you have never been to. Beautiful places you have been to, interesting persons you have met and tasty food you have had are good topics for your conversation. It is easy for you to start a talk since you have same hobbies and excellent topics. Also, you can even travel together, making your friendship tie stronger. Unlike the associations of friendship in traveling, the associations in sports team or community activities are always weak because people do not have strong willing to contact each other after the sports games or activities are finished.
Additionally, the friendship established during traveling can last very long because you and your new friend have experienced a lot. Assuming that you and your friend get lost in a strange place, both of you read the map careful, ask native people for advice and finally you find the right way. Experiencing hard ship together and trying to solve the problem together, you have gain precious experience and special memories, making your friendship last long.
Admittedly, all three ways mentioned before can make a student make new friends, but traveling make a student get more. Unlike joining sports team or participating in actives, traveling broaden a student's horizons and let a student learn something new. As the old saying goes, travel ten thousand miles and read thousand books. Traveling has significant importance for students.
To sum up, on the one hand, people met during traveling share many similar interests and can experience more. On the other hand, traveling not only brings new friends but also broaden students' horizon. Considering of some superior advantages that I have argued above, I am in support of traveling to be the best way for a student to make new friends.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-7 17:40
8月7日 独立作文 初版
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays it is easier to maintain good health than in the past.
With the living standard significantly increased, nowadays people pay more and more attention to their health in order to live a healthy lifestyle and to do more exercise. Healthy body guarantees people to study well and work well. When it comes to the statement that it is more easier to maintain good health than in the past, I cannot with it any more. Several evidence will offered in support of my opinion.
First of all, the medical technology has been advanced in the last decades and doctos' skills have improved a lot. Some serious illness, especially some illness cannot be cured in the past , can get cured now. Many people can become healthy again even if they have those illnes. On the other hand, many people in the past often died of a tiny desease such as cold.
Additionally, unlike people in the past, people of the modern society pay more attention to their health since they think they can do a lot of interest things as long as they live. Many gyms are builded in the places where are very convinient for people. It just takes a few minutes to walk there. And the government is concetrating on improve people's living standard so that it use the taxes to fund many gym. People can go there for free. So more and more people take exercise. However,in the past, there were not enough gyms. For that reason, people would not want to exercise.
Last but not the least, as the living standard has improved a lot, people can eat foods that are more nutrient, which does good to people's health. While in the past, I would like to take China as an example, a great number of people had to live with hunger since the weather was so bad that no crops they could gain. And the water was not clean, making peolple to suffer from many complicated deseases due to the dirty water.
To sum up, medical technologies have been advaced a lot compared with those in the past. And people can easily get access to the gyms and get exercises. Also, inceasing living standards make people live a healthy life. For those reasons mentioned above, I totally agree with the idea that people maintain good health more easily now than in the past.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-8 00:12
8月7日 综合作文 初版 TPO4
In the lecture the professor questions the reading's assertion that dinosaurs are endotherms. The lecture puts forth the idea that , in fact, dinosaurs are not endotherms. Three reasons are offered in support of the professor's idea.
First of all, the reading passage mentions that dinosaurs are endotherms since they babe been discovered in polar regions. The climates were so cold that dinosaurs had to maintain a temperature so that dinosaurs are endotherms. However, the professor augues that the temperature in polar areas was much warmer than that of today. It is warm enough for the dinosaurs to live with the temperature.
In the second place, the reading cites that dinosaurs are endotherms because they have leg position and movement as all of the modern endotherms do. But the professor says that this phenomenon has another explanation. The position and the movement of legs are used to support more weight so that the dinosaurs can grow into a large size. Those positions and movement are not used for running.
Lastly, the reading passage suggests that dinosaurs are endotherms because they have haversian canals. Haversian canals allow living animals to grow quickly. However the professor does not agree. The professor rebuts this by saying that dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in cold weather. They are not endotherms because endotherms can grow rapidly even in cool weather.
To sum up, because of the evidences mentioned above, the professor disagrees with the passage's idea that dinosaurs are endotherms.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-9 07:16
昨天出去见同学玩耍了独立作文综合作文都没有写该打！
今天开始绝对不脱逃作业！
立字为证！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-9 07:46
为今天的作业占座位，综合+独立！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-9 18:36
Independent Writing：
For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?
1、大学花费更多，幼儿教育花费少。
2、budget is limited，为了产生更大的效用投入大学
3、大学生毕业后可以投入工作产生money GDP improve然后得到更多的钱投入both
In order to develop our country, the government has to choose from spending more budget on very young children education to spending more budget on universities. Some people strongly argue that the government should spend more budget on very young children education as it is the beginning of kids's educantion and a good beginning makes a big difference. Admittedly, the very young children education is very important. However, given the goal of successful development of a country, focusing the budget more on universities is absolutely a better choice. Here are the reasons in support of my opinion.
First of all, compared with very young children education, universities' education cost much more. Universities need a great amount of money to pay for their professors whose salaries are higher than teachers of very young education and pay for facilities that are much more expensice than children's toys. Very young children's education does not need a lot of money, even their parents can give them good education. There is no reason to pay so much money in children education.
In addition, the amount of budget is limitted. In order to make the most use of budget, the government should spend such money in somewhere that can generate great advantages. Professors and students in universities do a lot of important researches and experiments whose results can significantly boost the economy of the society and improve people's living standard, which induce the development of acountry. However, it takes those young children ten or even more years to make such changes. There is no doubt that a government should pay more money to the education of universities.
Last but not the least, a majority of university students will find jobs and begin to work, which can improve the amount of the working force. If the skills of students are improved, the society can benefit more from them since better skills can bring more profits. And the GDP can get improved, too.
To sum up, when it comes to the stament that a government should focus budget more on very young education than universities, I strongly disagree. In order to develop a country successfully, money should be spend to such kind of education that need badly and that can makes big differences. For the reasons mentioned above, I argue that a government should spend more budget on university education.
一天没有写就手生，打字老是出错。
想点想了好久。
脑子里想表达的复杂句子表达不出来，只能写超级简单白烂的句子，内伤嘤嘤嘤。
这个是一点木有修改的，什么错都一大堆==
先下楼去跑个步，等下回来改作文还有写综合作文。
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-10 01:16
8月9日 综合作文已完成
一堆错字
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-11 00:08
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
Considering that many political and business leaders are afraid of taking responsibility, which brings a lot of serious problems, people argue that the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes. Admittedly, the ability to take responsibility for mistakes undeniable has a significant influence on the government or companies. However, when it comes to the statement that such ability is most important, I cannot agree because it overlooks some other characteristics that are equally important or even more important. Here are three points offered in support of my opinion.
First of all, in my point of view, the ability to make a good plan is much more important than the ability to take responsible for mistakes because a good plan can avoid mistakes to the greatest extend. A recent survey conducted by a prestigious US research commercial institution, after investigating 356 world famous companies to find out the factors that lead to their business crisis, has shown that 68% of those mistakes are caused by poor plans, i.e., we even do not need to handle mistakes if good plan are made.
In addition, the ability to work efficiently is equally important because many mistakes show up due to the delay of some procedures. If leaders can work efficiently, they can finish their work in a shorter time. And the time left can be used to review what they have done. In this way, many potential mistakes can be found and those potential mistakes can be handled before they show up, which greatly decrease the cost.
Last but not the least, the ability to communicate and cooperate with people is also an important factor that we cannot neglect. If a leader can communicate with people well, he or she can find some errors made due to some ignorant. Here I would like to take Tony, who is a CEO of a famous company, as an example. His stuffs told him he had made a plan with some errors and hoped he could change the plan. But Tony failed to have a good communication with his stuff; the chance to change the plan was missed as time past. Finally, the poor plan brought many troubles and the company paid a great amount of money to deal with the problems.
To sum up, although the ability to take responsibility for mistakes is important, it is far from the most important characteristic. Many other characteristics are even more important, without which will do harm to the government or company. Therefore, I disagree with idea that the ability to take responsibility for mistakes is most important for a good political or business leader.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-11 23:09
8月11日 独立
如果學校拿到了一筆錢，improve the food of cafe in school or invest in social activity for students after school.
creative thinking
1、更多的人参加社交活动，在学校咖啡馆吃东西的人少
2、学生喜欢社交活动
3、社交活动对学生的发展十分重要
4、学校知名度 学校教育质量
If a university gets a large amount of money, how should the university to spend the money? Should the university spend the money to improve the food of cage in school or invest in social activities? When it comes to the decision about how to spend such money, with no hesitation, I will obviously choose to invest the money in social activities for students after school. Here are my points offered in support of my opinion.
First of all, it is universally acknowledged that social activities are very crucial for students' development in the future. A resent survey conducted by a prestigious US educational research institution, after investigating 1000 students, has shown that students who take part in enough activities have better capabilities and get better jobs. So we cannot emphasize the importance of the social activities too much. In order to improve the students' skills that are closely related to the social respects, the university should invest the money in social activities. In this way, students can get sufficient experience, which is necessary for their future careers, from those activities.
In the second place, students show more interests in social activities than in the food of cafe. From a survey of our school, about 88 percent of students usually take part in social activities after school; however, only about 52 percent of students go to school cafe. Compared with the food of cafe, social activities need the money more necessarily since money should be spent to somewhere that can generates more advantages.
In the third place, the reason why we should spend the money in social activities is that the quality of social activities is a important factor that shows the educational level of our school. A good university may have bad food but a good university never has boring social activities. Improving the quality of social activities, a university can attract more top students because top students always pay much attention to their social skills. With more top students, universities can step into the group of world-famous universities in a shorter time.
To sum up, again, I would like to emphasize the importance of the social activities. As for students, it is more necessary to invest money in social activities. In addition, taking part in more social activities, students gain useful experience and make a big difference in the future. As for universities, improving the quality of such activities is crucial for the development of the universities. For the points mentioned above, I strongly argue that a university should spend its money to social activities if a university gets money.
作者: 吉迈特 时间: 2013-8-12 23:50
我用批注改的，所以只能上传文档了，不好意思
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-13 00:35
8月12日
独立
Independent Writing：
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.
Students get benefit from student organization or club activities 是不是as much as their academic studies.
Nowadays many schools plan to limit the number of school organizations and club activities to spare time for academic classes, arguing that academic classes are more important than organizations and club activities. Admittedly, academic classes play an important role in students' life. However, academic classes do not mean everything for students. When it comes to the importance of school organizations and club activities, I strongly believe that such organizations and activities are as important as academic classes. Here are the points offered in support of my opinion.
First of all, organizations and club activities provide students with several opportunities to improve communicating skills and to make new friends. Many students like to join school organizations or take part in activities because they can meet many new people and make friends here. At the same time, students can practice their communicating skills, which are crucial for their future development. In contrast, academic classes also can enable students meet new people, but they hardly talk because they have to listen to what professors are talking and take notes quickly, making it hard for them to make new friends.
In the second place, it is universally acknowledged that the meaning of life is not only to gain new knowledge but also to enjoy an interesting life. Those organizations and activities give students a lot of fun--parties, balls, sports games, ect. For example, I always show great interests to sing and club activities offer me a chance to practice my singing skills and I can have fun with people who have the same hobby as me, which makes me feel happy.
In the third place, organizations and club activities develop the ability to cooperate with people, which has a great influence on students' future career. I cannot emphasize the importance of such ability too much. A recent survey conducted by a prestigious US research institution, after investigating 10000 people from 12 years old to 32 years old, shows that students who often join organizations and club activities have more successful career due to their ability to cooperate with people. Therefore, organizations and club activities are equally important to academic classes.
To sum up, although academic classes provide professional knowledge to students, organizations and club activities give them crucial skills and experience that cannot be obtained in classes. For the reasons I mentioned above, I argue that organizations and activities are as important as academic classes.
啊呜，每次都是拖到晚上写，口语也是拖到晚上练......
拖延症......
有木有特效药啊......
草草的改了下错字主谓一致，用的好幼稚的句式
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-13 00:36
吉迈特 发表于 2013-8-12 23:50
我用批注改的，所以只能上传文档了，不好意思
嘿嘿 木啥啦 下载也是灰常方便的
谢谢诶 辛苦啦
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-13 01:03
吉迈特 发表于 2013-8-12 23:50
我用批注改的，所以只能上传文档了，不好意思
改的好认真的~
So we cannot emphasize the importance of the social activities too much. 这是一个固定搭配...怎么强调什么的重要性也不为过。
抓头，努力写定从是想让句子结构好看点，但素好像没有处理好写的好繁琐。
谢谢你的建议呢，我会努力改进的。
加油！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-14 00:06
昨日还在说，写作文写的太晚了，要早写
结果，这样那样的事情耽误下来，就这个点了
嘤嘤嘤...........
我现在真的很想睡觉啊......
不行不行 憋着口气也得写了.....
写作文 万岁 万岁
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-14 01:39
Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
creative thinking
1、presentation 之前，还要联络各方人员，communicate以及cooperate
2、do preparation 资料收集 数据整理
3、制定plan 提高效率
There has been an argument about when people should start the preparation for a presentation. Some people prefer to start to prepare for the presentation one month before it, stating that they need spare enough time for the preparation. Others like to do the preparation after they have got a good idea, arguing that it's waste of time to do the preparation without an idea. As for me, I get used to doing the preparation one month before the presentation, for this schedule do have some remarkble advantagesover the other schedule. Here are my points offered in support of my opinion.
First, a good idea is not the whole story of the presentation ,and communication and cooperation with my partner are also an key piont to the presentation. In order to hold a outstanding presentaion, I need to know everyone's idea and advice about the presentation. It is much more easy to cooprate with partners if we have same goals. Therefore, everyone's idea and advice about the presentation are crucial for a successful presentation. In my experience, I need about two weeks to gather those information. So it will be too late if I start the preparation after I get an idea.
In the second place, some necessary documents and data need to be reviewed before a presentation.
Last but not the least, a good plan can improve the effeciency of preparing a presentation and the plan need to be made before the idea show up.
To sum up,
太困了，简直无法思考，今天白天再补上吧
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-14 09:39
Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
creative thinking
1、presentation 之前，还要联络各方人员，communicate以及cooperate
2、do preparation 资料收集 数据整理
3、制定plan 提高效率
There has been an argument about when people should start the preparation for a presentation. Some people prefer to start to prepare for the presentation one month before it, stating that they need spare enough time for the preparation. Others like to do the preparation after they have got a good idea, arguing that it's a waste of time to do可以换成start the preparation without an idea. As for me, I get used to doing the preparation one month before the presentation, for this schedule do have some remarkble advantages over the other schedule.（any other sechedules/ preparing after having an idea） Here are my points offered in support of my opinion.可以去掉，没有意义
First, a good idea is not the whole story of the presentation ,and communication and cooperation with my partner are also an key piont to the presentation.如果考虑修改成这样或者类似的，是否能更清楚地表达你的意思呢？having a good idea and developing it into PPT is not the the whole story of the presentation, we also need time to communicate with our partners. These communication works are usually time consuming and better to be started before we have get an idea. In order to hold这个词在这里是什么意思呢？我读的不太明白 a outstanding presentaion, I need to know everyone's idea and advice about the presentation. It is much more easy to cooprate with partners if we have same goals. Therefore, everyone's idea and advice about the presentation两个黄色部分完全一样，可以考虑替换哟~ are crucial for a successful presentation上一句是说，了解大家的想法让工作更简单，下一句就说是crucial了，逻辑上不太对. In my experience, I need about two weeks to gather those information. So it will be too late if I start the preparation after I get an idea.
In the second place, some necessary documents and data need to be reviewed before a presentation.
Last but not the least, a good plan can improve the effeciency of preparing a presentation and the plan need to be made before the idea show up.
To sum up,
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-14 18:26
8月14日 独立 草稿一篇 吃了晚饭来改
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules in societies today are too strict for young people.
creative thinking
1 现在的rules是很早之前的，不符合时代潮流了
2 年轻人具有特殊性 创造力 活力 时代先锋 规则太严不适合
3 尽管严一点可以整顿社会秩序 但是现在的秩序太严了也限制了年轻人的发展
There is a public debate today that whether rules in societies are too strict for young people. Some people believe that the rules are not too strict because young people cannot control their behaviors well and such stricts are necessary for them. However, others argue that those rules are too strict, stating that young people are under much restrictions which do harm to their future development. In my point of view, rules in societies today are obviously too strict. Several points are offered below to support my opinion.
First of all, the rules were made decades ago and they are out of date now. Therefore, it is not proper to apply those rules to young people. Some tranditional rules, which used to restrict the behaviors of our parents or even grandparens, are still applied today. For example, nowadays some people still argue that young people must abide by tranditonal Chinese rule that youngsters should not go some places far from their home if their parents are alive. Such rule used to guarantee young people to take care of their parents. However, the rule is not proper today, since even if young people leave their parents, it is still very easy for them to take care of their parents due to the convinient transpertation. Therefore, such rule should not be used today, or it will have bad influence on yougsters' future development.
In addition, youngsters are creative, energetic and special. I cannot emphasize the importance of those characteristics too much. Just those special characteristics insititue young people. Young people are crucious about things they have never been experience, young people are willing to challenge things they have different opinion about, and young people are eager to do things they want to do. Those creative and brave behavior boost the developement of the society. However, rules today restrict those behaviors. It not only do harm to youngsters creatitities but also restrict the further development of the society. This is why I think the rules are too strict.
Admittedly, strict rules are essential because young people are not good at restrict their improper behaviors, which may bring some troubles. However, the rules are too strict. And the disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages.
To sum up, I again to emphasize my idea that the rules of societies today are too strict. Although rules are necessary for young people, it does not mean they can be too strict to harm youngsters. For those reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree with the statement.
草稿一篇
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-14 18:28
hemodata 发表于 2013-8-14 09:39
Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
cre ...
sweet of you~
看的好仔细呢 贴心的说
逻辑果然是一大问题啊
我会认真修改的 谢谢hemodata
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-15 00:12
There is a public debate today that whether rules in societies are too strict for young people. Some people believe that the rules are not too strict because young people cannot control their behaviors well and such rules are necessary for them. However, others argue that those rules are too strict, stating that young people are under much restrictions which do harm to their future development. In my point of view, rules in societies today are obviously too strict. Several points are offered below to support my opinion.
First of all, the rules, which were made decades ago, are out of date now. Therefore, it is not proper to apply those rules to young people. Some traditional rules, which used to restrict the behaviors of our parents or even grandparents, are still applied today. For example, nowadays some people still argue that young people must abide by traditional Chinese rule that youngsters should not go places that are far from their home if their parents are alive. Such rule was used to ensure that young people would take care of their parents since transportation hundreds years ago were too bad for youngsters to go to see their parents. However, the rule is not suitable for today’s situation, since even if young people leave their parents, it is still very easy for them to take care of their parents due to the convenient transportation. Therefore, such rule should not be used today, or it will have bad influence on youngsters' future development.
In addition, the rules now are too strict to limit creativities, a special characteristic of youngsters. I cannot emphasize the importance of such characteristic too much. The very special characteristic constitutes a crucial part of young people. Creativities give youngsters power to be themselves: young people are curious about things they have never been experience, young people are willing to challenge things they have different opinion about, and young people are eager to do things they want to do. Those creative and brave behaviors boost the development of the society. However, rules today restrict those behaviors. It not only do harm to youngsters creativities but also restrict the further development of the society. This is why I think the rules are too strict.
Admittedly, strict rules are essential because young people are not good at restrict their improper behaviors, which may bring some troubles. Too some degrees, rules need to be strict. However, now the rules are too strict. And the disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages.
To sum up, I again emphasize my idea that the rules of societies today are too strict. Although rules are necessary for young people, it does not mean they can be too strict to harm youngsters. For those reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree with the statement.
稍微修改了下前面的细节和逻辑
但是让步段和结局是在木有灵感了
如果有好心人看到这篇作文 方便的话 给最后让步和结尾点建议呗
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-15 12:53
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-14 18:28
sweet of you~
看的好仔细呢 贴心的说
逻辑果然是一大问题啊
不客气啦，尽力看而已。但可能自己也水平有限，不能帮到更多。
晓野能也帮我看看吗？http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-869158-1-1.html
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-15 12:55
我也是打字特别慢，昨天下了一个小软件叫RapidTyping
练习打字的。。。也不知道有用没有
但是所幸也花不了什么时间
你也可以试试哇
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-15 13:05
8月14日 独立 一些修改建议（蓝色）
For example, nowadays some people still argue that young people must abide by traditional Chinese rule that youngsters should not go places that are far from their home if their parents are alive. Such rule was used to ensure that young people would take care of their parents since transportation hundreds years ago were too bad for youngsters to go to see their parents.
For example, in China somo people sitll insist that young people should not choose to work and live in other provinces or states other than the province where their pareants live. But this rule was developed hunreds of years ago, when people may spend more than months to travel to another province, and taking care of the parents is impossible for the young generations in a bad trasportation like this.
In addition这一段，主题句不明显，和主题看着ms没关系。虽然读后文可以明白，你是想表达现在的rules过于紧了，导致年轻人丧失了活力和创造性。
既然是admittedly，就不好再用essential啦，不然感觉怪怪的。以前我也是有这个问题。
我觉得你得让步内容应该是：现在的rules也是有好处的，因为有时候年轻人比较放肆，需要rules来进行规范；其次，也有助于年轻人了解一些社会公认的优良行为，可以让他们更快的变得成熟。只是说，现在的rules太厉害了，导致了上面那些缺点，甚至缺点大过了这些好处。
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-15 22:55
8月15日 独立
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.
There is a public debate that whether young people today are more likely to give time and effort to improve the world than young people were at the past. Some people believe that young people today obviously are more likely to give time and effort to improve the world since youngsters now have more advantages that will induce them to change the world. However, others argue that there is no doubt the youngsters in past time were more likely to change the world, for their world were so bad that they were eager to change it into a better one. In my point of view, young people nowadays, who are more energetic and creative, are more likely to spend time and effort to improve the world. Here are my reasons offered in support of my point of view.
First of all, youngsters now full of creativities and curiosities, which will boost their eagerness to improve the world. Since youngsters are little babies, they have begun to watch cartoons, which are full of some things that never happen in real life. So they always ask themselves a lot of questions. How could this happen? Why I have never seen this happen in my life. Can I make it happen? Young people gain creativities and curiosities in this way. Therefore, they are eager to improve the world. On the contrary, youngsters in old times lacked such activities and had less creativity. So, compares with young people at the past, youngsters now are more likely to spend time and effort to improve the world.
In addition, youngsters now accept better education than young people at the past did. So they own the abilities to change the world. For example, my grandfather, who was a handsome young man 60 years ago, was eager to become a train designer, since train was a convenient transportation and our country was in great need of train. However, my grandfather never got professional education about how to design a train so he had no chance to accomplish the goal. Finally, he had to give up his dream to change the world by designing trains. In contrast, young people have more chances to gain knowledge and knowledge helps them change the world.
To sum up, maybe both young people now and young people at the past are eager to improve the world. But they are in different conditions. Youngsters at past lacked some necessities that were crucial for them to improve the world. In contrast, youngsters now have advancing technologies and important education, as well as creativities and curiosities. Youngsters now not only have willingness to improve the world but also have the ability to improve the world. There youngsters now are more likely to spent time and effort to improve the world.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-16 23:50
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.
brainstorm
1、过去的父母溺爱孩子帮忙做决定，最后孩子丧失了做决定的能力。
对比现在的父母，他们更加了解孩子做决定的重要性，培养孩子自己做决定。【外部因素】
2、现在的孩子更加有主见，他们的想法突破传统思维，新奇，想自己manage their own lives，想live a life full of novelty and surprise.【思想方面】
3、过去的孩子懂的不多，不知道的地方很多，得依赖父母，现在有了什么计算机啥的，自己操作稳妥妥。【技术操作方面】
As the development of the society, great changes show up in many respects, especially in the respect of young people. Youngsters are becoming increasingly dependent: they take care of themselves, they try to make more money and they even go aboard for further education alone. Those things could hardly happen in the past. Therefore, when it comes the statement that young people now are better able to make decisions in their own lives than young people in the past did, I cannot agree anymore. Here are my reasons offered in support of my point of view.
First of all, traditional parents preferred to make decisions for their children and children were forbidden to make their own decisions. As time passed by,young people lost the ability to make decisions for their own lives. Why parents in the past did that? As the matter of fact, parents thought it was a kind of protection, protecting their children from some potential dangers. Parents thought their children were too young to make their own decisions. On the contrary, parents of today are getting to realize that it is crucial for their children to make their own decision especially that decision that will have great influence on their future career.
In addition, youngsters who are more independent and creative are more eager to manage their own lives. They want do something new and live a life full of novelty and surprise. For example, my best friend Tony, who now is a student majoring in medicine in UK, makes his own decision to chase his dream. His family always wanted him to become a teacher, which is a easy job with high salary. However, Tony does not want to live a life without challenge so he decides to become a doctor. A recent research conducted by a prestigious research institution, after investigating 1028 young people, has shown that young people today are more likely to leave their comfortable zone and try new thing. With such characteristic, young people are more able to make decisions in their own lives.
Last but not least, technologies are far more advancing now than before. The biggest problem for young people to make their own decisions is lacking of knowledge about their decisions. Now with the help of technologies, such as computers, they can easily find the information they want. In contrast, young people in the past lacked such technologies so it was not a easy job for them to make their own decisions.
To sum up, youngsters of today have advantages over young people in the past. For the reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree that young people now are more able to make decisions for their own life.
还没有改.....媽蛋，今天非改了才睡！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-17 01:10
As the society is developing rapidly, great changes show up in many respects, especially in the respect of young people. Youngsters are becoming increasingly dependent: they take care of themselves, they begin to take part-time job at a younger age and they even go aboard for further education alone. Those things could hardly happen in the past. Therefore, when it comes the statement that young people now are better able to make decisions in their own lives than young people in the past did, I cannot agree with it anymore. Here are my reasons offered in support of my point of view. Several reasons in different dimensions will be demonstrated and explained to justify my point of view.
First of all, traditional parents preferred to make decisions for their children and therefore children were forbidden to make their own decisions. As time passed by, young people lost the ability to make decisions for their own lives. Why parents in the past did that? As a matter of fact, parents thought making decisions for their children was a kind of protection, protecting their children from some potential dangers. Parents thought their children were too young to make their own decisions. On the contrary, parents of today are getting to realize that it is crucial for their children to make their own decision especially that decision that will have great influence on their future career. So parents encourage their children to get into the habit of making decisions for their own whenever and wherever.
In addition, youngsters, who are more independent and creative, are more eager to manage their own lives. Something new and a life full of novelty and surprise are what they are chasing for. So they try to gain ability to make better decisions for their own. For example, my best friend Tony, who now is a student majoring in medicine in UK, makes his own decision to chase his dream of becoming a doctor. His family always wants him to become a teacher, which is an easy job with high salary. However, Tony does not want to live a life without challenges so he decides to become a doctor. A recent research conducted by a prestigious research institution, after investigating 1028 young people, has shown that young people today are more likely to leave their comfortable zone and try new thing. With such characteristic, young people are more able to make decisions in their own lives.
Last but not least, technologies are far more advancing now. The biggest problem for young people to make their own decisions is lacking of knowledge about their decisions. Now with the help of technologies, such as computers, they can easily find the information they want. In contrast, young people in the past lacked such technologies so it was not an easy job for them to make their own decisions.
To sum up, youngsters of today have advantages over young people in the past. For the reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree that young people now are more able to make decisions for their own life.
最后两段还没有想好 先把改好的放上来
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-17 15:22
8月17日 独立 未修改
Nowadays, there are a increasingly number of people, who pay particular attention to their future developments, asking their children to playing sports, for they think playing sports can boost the development of personalities of children. As a matter of fact, people can gain important lessons on life learning. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to justify my point of view.
First of all, I cannot emphasize the importance of the ability to cooperate with each other too much. Playing sports with people obviously can provide people with the chance to gain such ability since sports need people's good cooperation. For example, my friend John, who used to the kind of person who liked to deal with problems alone, never cooperated with people. However, after he began to play football, every thing changed. He came to realize that he could not achieve a score alone and he must cooperate with others. The cooperation with each other is crucial to fulfill a goal since it gather the wisdom and power from everyone and a group is stronger than a person.
In addition, playing sports help people to make new friends and people are getting to know how significant the friendship is during their lives. It is universally acknowledged that the friendship plays one of the most important core roles in people's lives. But nowadays people always overlook friendships since they have less chance to see them, to touch them and to feel them. People are increasingly busy with boring work, hard studies and such, leaving less time for friendship. On the contrary, playing sports enables people to meet new people, who have similar hobbies and different experience. Playing sports together, facing problems together and dealing with difficulties together make them to feel the importance of friendship.
Last but not least, playing sports is challenging for people and people who are in fond of playing sports have definitely long- term goal in their life. A survey conducted by a prestigious US research institution, after investigating and comparing 2000 people in different counties and areas, has shown that people who like to play sports are more strong-minded and easier to get success than those who do not like to play sports. From this survey we can draw the conclusion that playing sports actually make people to gain crucial characteristics for their future career.
To sum up, for the reasons I have mentioned above, playing sports gives important life learning for people.
结尾收的好仓促......
等下贴个修改版的
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-17 16:20
今日 修改之后 还是不怎么满意
为嘛我就写不粗来高贵冷艳赶脚
狂拽炫酷吊炸天的句子 快到碗里来
Nowadays, sports activities are becoming increasingly popular, not only because playing sports can help people keep fit but also because it can help people understand the truth of life. As a matter of fact, engaging in sports activities, people often gain important lessons on life learning. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to justify my point of view.
First of all, playing sports with people obviously provides people with a rare chance of gaining the ability to cooperate with people. The importance of the ability to cooperate with each other cannot be emphasized too much. Sports activities, a challenge of physical strength, also require people to get to know each other and cooperate with each other. For example, my friend John, who used to be the kind of person who always dealt with everything alone, never cooperated with people. However, this situation did not change until he began to play football. Suddenly, he came to realize that no one could achieve a score without other’s help and people need cooperate with others. The cooperation with each other is crucial to fulfill a goal since it gather the wisdom and power from everyone and a group is stronger than a person.
In addition, playing sports help people to make new friends and people are getting to know how significant the friendship is during their lives. It is universally acknowledged that the friendship plays one of the most important core roles in people's lives. However, people are increasingly busy with boring work or hard studies, leaving less time for friendship. Therefore, people often overlook friendships since they have less chance to see, to communicate with or to hang out with their friends. On the contrary, playing sports enables people to meet both new and old friends. Playing sports together, facing problems together and dealing with difficulties together make them to feel the importance of friendship. In this way, people can deeply find out how crucial the friendship is.
Last but not least, people, who are in fond of playing sports, are more likely to understand the importance of having a goal. Since sports activities are full of unexpected challenges, a definite goal is quite necessary for people to fulfill target. A survey conducted by a prestigious US research institution, after investigating and comparing 2000 people in different counties and areas, has shown that people who like to play sports are more likely to have a goal in life and easier to get success than those who do not like to play sports. From this survey we can draw the conclusion that playing sports actually make people to gain crucial characteristics for their future career.
To sum up, engaging in sports activities enables people to understand the necessity of cooperation, the importance of the friendship, and the significance of goal. For the reasons I have mentioned above, we can easily draw the conclusion that playing sports gives important life learning for people.
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 11:04
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-17 16:20
今日 修改之后 还是不怎么满意
为嘛我就写不粗来高贵冷艳赶脚
狂拽炫酷吊炸天的句子 快到碗里来
今天时间不够了，只改了两段。。。
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-18 22:43
hemodata 发表于 2013-8-18 11:04
今天时间不够了，只改了两段。。。
谢谢hemo君....
汗 还是修改过的文章 结果还是细细碎碎出了那么多问题
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-18 22:54
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-18 22:43
谢谢hemo君....
汗 还是修改过的文章 结果还是细细碎碎出了那么多问题
啊，叫我小默就好。。。
可能是写的时候太着急了，就容易出各种小错误吧，时间越紧就越慌张
我也是这样
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-18 23:03
8月18日 独立作文
敲了之后草草看了遍就复制word了 好多错别字
拖拖拉拉又到了到现在
看来明天要打双倍鸡血啊
In order to improve the efficiency to teaching, school rewards teachers by considering their performance. Speaking of the better way to evaluate teachers' teaching efficiency, I argue that it is better to evaluate the performance by teachers. Three reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to justify my point of view.
First of all, teachers are more professional in judging the performance of teachers. As teachers, who have received teaching skills for many years and gain experience in teaching, they are obviously more skillful in judging their performances. Take my friend Tony, who is a high school student, as an example. His school also rewarded teachers by considering their performance. However, his school judged the performance by students’ idea. Finally it turned out to be that those judgments were inaccurate and teachers who actually had better skills did not get reward. Such case is not rare in our lives. So we can draw the conclusion that it is not a good way to evaluate the teaching efficiency by students since teachers are better at conducting the evaluation.
In addition, other factors may mislead students' judgments and lead to a wrong evaluation. Such cases often happen in our lives. Assuming that there are two teachers, one does not perform well but is very kind and another has teached students efficiently but is very strict. It is not surprised that students like the kind teacher even though he or she has poor teaching kills. On the contrary, teachers will not mislead by those factors and will give just evaluations. Therefore, teachers are more proper that students to give evaluations to teaching efficiency.
Admittedly, compared with teachers, students share more time with their teachers and know the personalities of their teachers better. However, a better sighthing about their teachers does not mean a better evaluation of the teaching efficiency. What we need about a proper evaluation are professional skills and just attitudes.
To sum up, there is no doubt that teachers have a better evaluation about teaching efficiency due to their professional skills. Moreover, unlike students, teachers are less likely to be misled by other factors that are unrelated to teaching efficiency. Therefore, when it comes to the more useful evaluation about teacher, I strongly argue that teachers can do a better job.
作者: hemodata 时间: 2013-8-19 10:35
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-18 23:03
8月18日 独立作文
敲了之后草草看了遍就复制word了 好多错别字
拖拖拉拉又到了到现在
1、结构完整，分布均衡，很好！
2、例子有注意到进行普遍化，避免过于薄弱的感觉，很好！
几点我的建议，望讨论
1、In addition那一段，其实从逻辑上来看，是在解释为什么学生的判断不好——因为他们容易抓不住重点，被别的一些因素误导。所以，用in addition不是很对，建议换一个。
2、这篇文章有一个前提：老师们好不好，主要的判断依据是教学技巧，而不是对学生的亲和力。这个前提如果能够先定义出来的话，感觉会更好一些。
3、在普遍化的时候，用in来限定范围是很厉害的。但是可能需要更详细一点，in our lives会有点范围太大，可能in schools where teachers are evaluated by students
4、一个小问题，they在一段里面，尽量指代同一对象。因为段落2中有teachers been evaluated/ other teachers两个不同的范围，如果被评价的老师用they的话，评价他们的老师这个部分最好每次直接写出来，比如the other teachers/ the evaluation team等等
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-19 21:24
hemodata 发表于 2013-8-19 10:35
1、结构完整，分布均衡，很好！
2、例子有注意到进行普遍化，避免过于薄弱的感觉，很好！
意见提得很中肯啊！
这篇作文字数写的不是很够，写的时候觉得似乎好像没有什么可说的了，其实是根本没有说到呃。
在陈述分论点的时候，要支持总结论，就应该和结论相联系，没有联系的清楚。
还有有的细节根本就没有提到，范围没有说清楚，汗，大而化之了。
把这些写清楚相信逻辑更加清晰，论述也更加完整有力。
受教了呢
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-20 00:20
8月19日 独立 初稿
文章平淡无奇 语言平凡枯燥
倘若掐着时间写作文的话 写什么都是本能了
关键现在本能还没有训练到足以写出一篇还不错的文章
【远目】 sigh 改作文去了
Nowadays, people are all trying their best to pursue success. Many characteristics or personalities have great influences on success. When it comes to the statement that people should be more like others than be different from everyone else, some people totally agree with it, arguing that similarities can avoid conflictions, which do harm to success. In my point of view, however, I disagree with such statement. Three reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my idea.
In the first place, being different with other people means different ideas, which are crucial for success and can make big differences on future careers. In order to be success, such as establishing a company, making a lot of money or realizing your dreams, you need to have a lot of different ideas, which can give you a new sight of this world, leading to a good way to realize a goal or a solution to a problem. Take my best friend Tony, who is a CEO of a national company, as an example. His company faced a serious crisis last year. No one could come up with a good solution and the company might suffer a big loss if nobody could offer solutions. At this very point, Tony though out an idea and finally the problem was solved. As a matter of fact, the solution was very easy, but why no one could think out it. The stuffs in Tony's company had same major except Tony. However, this solution needed some knowledge related to this major. This case is not rare in real life. Therefore we can draw the conclusion that
In the second place, success need more chances to show your abilities and being different means that you can have more opportunities than other people who have no special characteristics since differences make you stand out. Assuming that a company plan to hire a employee, you are one of the applier. If you are similar with other people, there is no reason for the company to choose you instead of other people since you more almost the same. On the contrary, you have different personalities, which the company thinks it is necessary for the future development of the company. There is no doubt that you are more likely to be hired.
To sum up, people can get more chances by differences from others. Moreover, it is obvious that difference make you look more attractive than other people who just look the same as each other. Therefore, I cannot emphasize the importance of the difference too much. So I do not think the statement mentioned above is right.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-20 00:51
网上找了篇文章 找点思路咯
In order to succeed you should not try to be like others. It is more important to be unique and separate yourself from the crowd. If a person always tries to fit in then they will never truly find success, because success requires new and independent ideas and imitating others will impede creative ideas. Many successful businessmen were independent thinkers who had ideas that were new, bold, and different. It is this kind of vision and foresight which is pivotal to success.
When Bill Gates first started Microsoft he had a vision that the personal computer would change the face of technology. It was a unique idea which no other person had ever imagined before. Many believed he was crazy, laughing at the thought of humans spending so much time and energy in front of an electronic device. Others could not understand exactly what the purpose of a computer was. This was precisely why Gates found the idea so compelling. The personal computer was created without any specific purpose; it could be used for an infinite amount of things and applied to all facets of life. This was Bill Gates’ daring and unique vision. If he had tried to be like others Gates would never have dropped out of school to start his company. He would have followed the more common path and the results would have been much more mediocre.
If you want to stand out, you must be different. Many people work in a company and do their best to fit in and follow the rules. Though order and hierarchy exist to streamline work and create efficiency it is important to make yourself stand out. If you always do your work quietly then you will never be noticed by your superiors. The better tactic is to stand up and let your presence be known to those around you. Perhaps a person may feel their ideas are too strange or unacceptable, that they fly against the company culture or in the face of current logic. But these different and strange ideas are the ones that are most important. They are the ideas that will set you apart from your colleagues and peers. From these ideas new ways of thinking will arise. As a result new and potentially groundbreaking ideas will be born. It is important not to squelch these ideas, but to cultivate them.
Do not be afraid to be different. Success comes to those that stand out from the crowd, not from those that follow. Bill Gates and other successful businessmen have all made fortunes from ideas that were different and new. They believed in themselves and they knew that doing the same things will only bring the same results. To truly find success you should not try to fit in, you should take advantage of your differences.
via 网上
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-20 01:26
困了碎叫去 明儿个还得起呢
改了两段
真真不如重写啊啊啊
Nowadays, people are all trying their best to pursue success. Many characteristics or personalities have great influences on success. When it comes to the statement that people should be more like others than be different from everyone else, some people totally agree with it, arguing that similarities can avoid conflictions, which do harm to success. In my point of view, however, I disagree with such statement. Three reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my idea.
When it comes to the topic about success, many people have a debate on whether similarities or differences are more important for success. Some people believe that people who are more like others have more chances to succeed. However, other people disagree. In my point of view, I strongly believe that it is differences that matters more in success. People should not be afraid to be different and to show their good characteristics or special skills. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my idea.
In the first place, being different with other people means different ideas, which are crucial for success and can make big differences on future careers. In order to be success, such as establishing a company, making a lot of money or realizing your dreams, you need to have a lot of different ideas, which can give you a new sight of this world, leading to a good way to realize a goal or a solution to a problem. Take my best friend Tony, who is a CEO of a national company, as an example. His company faced a serious crisis last year. No one could come up with a good solution and the company might suffer a big loss if nobody could offer solutions. At this very point, Tony though out an idea and finally the problem was solved. As a matter of fact, the solution was very easy, but why no one could think out it. The stuffs in Tony's company had same major except Tony. However, this solution needed some knowledge related to this major. This case is not rare in real life. Therefore we can draw the conclusion that
In the first place, it is universally acknowledged that people who are unique are more likely to come up with different ideas and different ideas are crucial for success. No one can deny that different ideas—a new sight to evaluate the world—always lead to a good way to solve a problem or achieve a goal. People, who want to become successful, must pay particular attention to be different. Take my friend Tony, who is my best friend, as an example. He is a stuff in a international company, working in a marketing department. When his company faced a serious crisis last year, no one but Tony came up with a good solution, attracting CEO’s eye. Finally the crisis was eliminated and the loss was avoided. Why only Tony could think out a solution despite that the solution is quite easy. That’s because only Tony had knowledge that other people did not interest in and never thought about. This case is not rare in real life. So that we can safely draw the conclusion that different and independent think are necessary for success.
In the second place, success need more chances to show your abilities and being different means that you can have more opportunities than other people who have no special characteristics since differences make you stand out. Assuming that a company plan to hire a employee, you are one of the applier. If you are similar with other people, there is no reason for the company to choose you instead of other people since you more almost the same. On the contrary, you have different personalities, which the company thinks it is necessary for the future development of the company. There is no doubt that you are more likely to be hired.
To sum up, people can get more chances by differences from others. Moreover, it is obvious that difference make you look more attractive than other people who just look the same as each other. Therefore, I cannot emphasize the importance of the difference too much. So I do not think the statement mentioned above is right.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-20 23:27
8月25日 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
When people get tired of doing their tasks or homework, people switch to do some other things to get relaxation. Some people prefer to relax by watching TV or reading a book, while others prefer to do some physical exercise to get relaxed. As far as I am concerned, it is better to relax by the former way. Obviously, the advantages of watching a movie or reading a book to get relaxed outnumber those of doing physical exercise. Several points in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my point of view.
First of all, the key point of getting relaxed is to switching your concentration from the work you get tired of to some other things that you are interested in or make you feel relieved. Watching a movie or reading a book will make use of your brain and fill your brain with other things. What you have to do is only to get the information from the movie or books. Movies and books are so interesting that you enjoy them a lot. On the contrary, taking exercise physically does not mean that you can get relaxation mentally. Even if you are doing physical exercise, you can till always think about things bothering you and therefore you still can not relax yourselves well.
In the second place, getting relaxed means doing some things that can make you feel relieved instead of making you feel tired. It is very convenient to read a book or watch a movie with your cell phone or Pad so you can enjoy reading a book or watching a movie whenever and wherever. However, taking exercise is complex since you have to wear sports clothes first and then go to the playground or the central park which is far from your home. After exercise you also need to take a shower. However, sometimes your situation does not allow you take exercise.
Admittedly, physical exercise is a good way to build up a healthy lifestyle and does good to your health. However, what we are discussing is a issue about the relaxation not a issue about the healthy life style. Exercise even make you feel entirely tired, bring more pressure to you. A survey conducted by a prestigious US research institution, after investigation 2000 people who have taken exercise to relax themselves, has shown that 70 percent of them feel tired and become even more stressed out after exercise. In fact this case is not rare in our life. So we can safely draw the conclusion that exercise has limited effect on relaxation.
To sum up, reading a book or watching a movie will attract your attention and switch your concentration to some other things that can relax you. Also, it is easier to read a book or watch a movie. Therefore, compared with doing exercise, reading a book or watching a movie is undoubtedly a better way to get relaxation.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-21 23:33
8月21日 独立
修改了又修改 问题依然存在
内容平铺直述
语句简单#简直就是个老大难问题#
因为修改之后又加了些内容 字数有些多了
Getting to know each other is crucial for the relationship of people, for the career of future, and for the development of the society and I cannot emphasize the importance of knowing people too much. As people nowadays increasingly spend time reading books or watch movies, we cannot deny that books and movies can have great influence on the personalities of people. So when it comes to the statement that we can learn another person from books and movies the person like, I cannot agree with it any more. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained in the passage to support my point of view.
First of all, books people often read and movies people like to watch are key signals to reflect people’s hobbies and habits. Having a good understanding of people's hobbies and habits, we can know people more. Take my best friend Tony who is a big fan of arts as an example. Every time I go to his house, I can find some new books, which are some professional books about the history of arts, the development of arts, famous artists of America, etc. From that I know he is fond of arts. Moreover, I get to know that he is the kind of person who is always willing to help others as long as he can, for he likes movies about heroes and he becomes very excited if the world is protected by heroes. This case is not rare in our daily life. So the common conclusion drawn from this example is that it is reliable to know someone from his or her favorite books or movies.
In the second place, books and movies can shape the personalities of people. Just as the old saying goes, you are what you read. In my experience, I used to be easy to become very angry or upset since I am not good at control my awful emotions. Therefore, I began to read a book named Get Away From Your Bad Mood. To my surprise, I become calm even if something unexpected happened. A survey conducted by a prestigious US research institution, after investigating 2290 people’s personalities after reading books or watching movies, has shown that people’s personalities have a direct relationship with the contents of books or movies.
Admittedly, there is no doubt that the way to know someone from the books or movies s/he likes has some limitations. Therefore, we cannot learn all the personalities from books or movies. However, even if sometimes the books and movies cannot straightly tell us what kind of people they are, books and movies can still give us indirect clues, from which we can search more about people.
To sum up, books and movies people like are very helpful for us to learn about other people. They can reflect people's hobby and habits, which are necessary for us to understand others. Moreover, our personalities can be greatly influenced and shaped by movies and books and therefore getting to know the books and movies is getting to know the characteristics of people. For these reasons, I agree with the idea that we can learn people from books and movies they like.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-22 23:22
8月22日 独立
今天被气坏了，今天也有开心的事情发生
苦恼的事情很多呢
我不知道我手里的这一副牌到底是好牌还是坏牌
但是既然在我的手里了，就是我的牌
所以，即使，哪怕，它很糟糕，那么，也努力的把它打好
Nowadays our government plans to build art museums and music performance centers, and recreational devices. Considering that the money is limited, the government has to make a choice between art museums and music performance centers and recreational devices. Some people argue that the government should choose to build art museums and music performance center because art museums and music performance center are obviously important than recreational devices. However, I cannot agree with such statement. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my point of view.
First of all, we can judge the importance of some issues by considering about the influence that they can have on people. It universally acknowledged that keeping fit is quite crucial for people. Because of the fast development of the society and economy, people have less and less time to spend in recreational exercise. So it is necessary for the government to help people establish a healthy lifestyle. A survey conducted by a prestigious American research institution, after investigating 38 cities about the healthy condition of people and recreational devices, has shown that there is a positive relationship between the number of recreational devices and the healthy condition of people. So we can draw the conclusion that the more we build recreational devices, the healthier people will be.
In the second place, compared with art museums and music performance center, recreational devices attract more people's attention. The more attention some issues can get, the more important the issues will be. There are an art museums and a swimming pool in my city. Everyday, especially in summer, the swimming pool is always full of people. On the contrary, people hardly go to the art museum because people do not show too much interest in it. This case is not rare in our country. So given that example, I don't think museums or music performance center are more than recreational devices.
Admittedly, art museums or music centers play an important role in our life. They provide us with a chance to enjoy arts or music. However, when it comes to the statement that they are more important than recreational devices, I cannot agree. The reasons are obvious: people engage in recreational activities more than in arts activities; people show more interests in recreation devices than in art museums or music centers. Recreational devices not only relax people but also help people keep fit. The advantages of recreational devices surely outnumber the advantages of art museums and music centers.
To sum up, for those reasons mentioned above. There is no doubt that recreational devices are more important than art museums or music centers.
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-23 23:34
8月23日 独立
As cities in today’s world grow rapidly those decades, a lot of changes shows up in our society: the unemployed rates have been reduced; more children can get educational activities; our living standards have been greatly increased. However, there are also some disadvantages due to the rapid growth of cities such as pollutions. So a debate which has been brought into the focus of the public is that whether the rapid growth of societies is a mostly positive development for the society. When it comes to me, I strongly argue that such growth is a mostly positive development for the society. Here are my reasons.
First of all, it is universally acknowledged that living standard is a crucial indicator for us to evaluate the development of our society. As the cities keep a rapid growth, the living standard has been greatly improved. I still remember how dirty and crowded the city where I lived was ten years ago. Many poor families were even not able to afford their foods. However, everything has changed now. With the rapid growth of cities, our city becomes tidy and clean. Food scarcities no longer are problems of people. People spend money for a healthy lifestyle. This case is not rare in the development of the society. Thus we can safely draw the conclusion that the growth of cities has great influence on the development of the society.
In the second place, another necessary indicator of good development of the society is education. Many years ago, the ratio of the educated population remained in a low level. After the rapid growth of societies, the government can gather more tax from the rapid growth and fund more schools, which greatly encourage children to go to school. A survey conducted by a prestigious US educational research institution, after investigating children from 8 big cities, has shown that such radio has been improved by 52 percent. That's why I think the rapid growth can positively affect the development of our society.
Admittedly, the rapid growth of cities also brings some troubles such as environmental pollution. As a matter of fact, this problem is undeniable during fast growth and the government makes efforts to eliminate the disadvantages in pollutions. Obviously, the advantages of the rapid growth outweigh the disadvantages.
To sum up, the development of the society benefits a lot from the rapid growth of cities. I cannot emphasize to importance of the role played by such growth in the development too much. For the reasons I mentioned above, there is no deny that the rapid growth mostly does good to the development of the society.
我...........这.............
作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-24 13:04
晓野什么时候考试呀
不好意思，小插一楼
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-24 13:34
Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-24 13:04
晓野什么时候考试呀
不好意思，小插一楼
明天....................................
作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-24 13:52
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-24 13:34
明天....................................
= =！本来想这几天找个人一起互改作文的，没办法了。
晓野明儿给力哟！
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-24 17:17
Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-24 13:52
= =！本来想这几天找个人一起互改作文的，没办法了。
晓野明儿给力哟！
恩呢！
可以在小分队的作文贴里面留名的啊
队长会帮忙分组
不用自己找人的
作者: Mint静默 时间: 2013-8-24 18:17
晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-24 17:17
恩呢！
可以在小分队的作文贴里面留名的啊
队长会帮忙分组
知道呢~我是想找个长期互改的小伙伴，啦啦啦啦
作者: 晓野的野 时间: 2013-8-24 21:01
8月24日 独立作文
是否同意政府不應該給藝術家（musician, filmmaker, artist....）任何financial support
应该
1、艺术同科技science and technology一样十分重要，科技都有钱，艺术也应该有钱。是社会发展的重要部分，所以要给钱。
2、艺术能够激发人们的创造力，研究表明艺术领域发达的人更加具有创造力，而创造力对于人们是很重要的。
3、保留传统文化，促进文化多元化发展
Although the economy of our society has rapidly developed, the art areas are seriously short in fund. Here comes a debate. Many people argue that the government should give financial support to artists such as musician and filmmakers since artists play an important role in arts. However, other people disagree. When it comes to me, I think the government should give those musician or filmmakers financial support. Several reasons in different respects will be demonstrated and explained to support my point of view.
First of all, what a good government should do is to improve the living standard of people. Just as the science and technology have a great influence on the living standard of people, so the arts play a crucial role in living standard. Since government spends a great amount of money in the science and technology, the same financial support should also be offered to artists. Unlike some people, who can make much money, the artists can not always gain enough money. Without enough money, they may change their jobs so that citizens can not go to a concert or see a movie, which will lower the living standard of people. Therefore the government should make support artists in financial areas.
In the second place, music and movies can greatly induce the creativity of people, which can greatly influence the development of society. A survey conducted by a prestigious US social research institution, after investigating 32 big cities, has shown that the more the cities that have musician, filmmaker or artists, the better social development the cities will be. From this survey, we can safely draw the conclusion that in order to develop our society well, there is no doubt that the government should spent money in artists.
Last but not least, with enough financial support, the artists can positively affect our traditional culture. Nowadays, people pay too much attention to some modern issues such as computers, on-line games. On the contrary, the traditional culture, which is an important part of our country, is disappearing in our daily life. In order to avoid such situation, we can give some financial support to artists, encouraging them to record our traditional culture. In this way, such culture will show up in our life more frequently and the culture will be carefully protested.
To sum up, it is universally acknowledged that arts play a significant role in our society. Therefore, the government should give financial support to those artists.
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