ChaseDream

标题: 新人whom123首次参加小分队，求狠批求指点，越狠越开心！ [打印本页]

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-26 20:37
标题: 新人whom123首次参加小分队，求狠批求指点，越狠越开心！
5.22 独立（之前不能发帖所以现在才贴出。。。）
Today's world is developing in a rapid speed. Everything is changing from time to time, everyone is on-to-go in everyday life. In that case, something that will be in effect immediately is welcomed by most people. That is, pragmatism is the most important standard that most people hold. The scientific research is not an exception. So it is common to see that many research is short of fund because it is not practical at the time. However, I do not think it is a good idea to cut off the support for the research just because its lack of practical use.
Just as mentioned above, even though time is chaning so fast that immediate effectness is attractive to anyone, a seemingly useless research today is very likely to be universally applied tommorrow because the rapid development of the world. Let's take an example into consideration. In 2004, eBay is just beginning its business in the Internet. Although there was so big amount of people who doubt about the reliablility and safety of the online shopping that the users of the website is not that many, it did not stop the passion of the developers who concentrated their attention on the online shopping websites. Ultimately the onling-shopping trend deserved their effort and trust for the online shopping.
Besides, whoever doing scientific research should be modest and patient. There is many discoveries that are not praised during the discoverer's life time but are applied everywhere after his/her death. Take a thing that happened more ealier for instance. In 1900s, the alternative current electricity is disguised by the public and no one gave
enough support for Tesla. But how can these ones imagine that in modern world is a world of the alternative current electricity?
In a word, I disagree about the strategy that do not support the research that has no practical use. Government's duty is creating a good environment that the scientist is comfortable to do their research without any interrupts from outside.Thus they will concentrate more attention on how to make more contributions to the human beings, but
not worry about what they should to to make up for the lack of scientific funds.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-26 22:05
5.26 综合

This passage hold the view that dinosaurs were in fact endotherms in three aspects. But the lecture refute this point in the same aspects one by one. Here are the detailed analysis.

At first the passage gives the evidence dinosaurs' fossils have been found in polar regions. However, some scientists say that the polar regions were much warmer 6.5 million years ago than they are today. Even during the cold seasons that the temperature was close to today's, the dinosaurs could migrate or hibernate to avoid living in such cold climates. So this can not demonstrate that dinosaurs maintained a constant temperature to live.

Secondly, the lecture argues against the evidence about leg position and movement. The reason why dinosaurs do not have their legs at the body's side is that the legs are positioned underneath can sustain more weight. As we all know the dinosaurs were very huge. So there is no necessity for them to evolve into putting the legs at bodies' side.

Finally, dinosaurs did not always grow quickly. In cooler places, they didn't grow quickly any more even with the structure of Haversian canals. But an endothermy grows quickly at any place, no matter it is cool or warm.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-26 22:17
5.26 独立

By human's step into the 21st century, the entertainment industry is prospering to a boom. In other words, music, movies and dramas is "invading" into people's spare time. So a trend that analyzing a person from the music or the movies he/she likes is generating now. Though some others who hold views against it has their own propositions, I still think it's a good idea to do so.

In my opinion, a person's preference is a reflection of his/her individual characteristics. Specially, we take our friends' appetite for the movies for instance. If you have a friend who is eager for the act movies, usually he is outgoing and active in his daily life, even he is talented in sports. If you have a friend who is into the art film, he is possible to be a person of quiet nature and speak little.

Because of something mentioned above, individual preference is relevant to nature, in the field of Computer Science there is a prevalent research direction called data mining. It takes the data which is collected from the social network, such as your attitude towards a movie or a piece of music, to analyze your potential manner which has not been expressed in your individual website. If preference has nothing to do with the temperament, there is no necessity to do so.

Finally, there is another reason that makes me believe the relationship between characters and and tastes. In this era, when you fall in love with someone, won't you long for getting to know what movies and music he/she likes and download all of them for a taste? For me, I will do this definitely. The love for someone makes you want to know more about him/her, in this situation a good knowledge of what he/she prefers is essential.

In a word, movies and music someone likes are like mirrors. Take good advantage of them, you will know more beyond the facial fact.

作者: tsyxyss 时间: 2013-5-27 19:17

5.26 独立

By human's step into the21st century, the entertainment industry is prospering to a boom. Inother words, music, movies and dramas is are "invading" into people's spare time. So atrend that analyzing a person from the music or the movies he/she likesis generating now. Though some others who hold views against it has their ownpropositions, I still think it's a good idea to do so.

In my opinion, a person's preferenceis a reflection of his/her individual characteristics. Specially, we take ourfriends' appetitefor the movies for instance. If you have a friend who is eager for the actmovies, usually he is outgoing and active in his daily life, even he istalented in sports. If you have a friend who is into the art film, he ispossible to be a person of quiet nature and speak little.

Because of something mentioned above, individual preference is relevant tonature, in the field of Computer Science there is a prevalent researchdirection called data mining. It takes the data which is collected from thesocial network, such as your attitude towards a movie or a piece of music, toanalyze your potential manner which has not been expressed in your individualwebsite. If preference has nothing to do with the temperament, there is nonecessity to do so.

Finally, there is another reason that makes me believe the relationship betweencharacters and tastes. In this era, when you fall in love with someone, won'tyou long for getting to know what movies and music he/she likes and downloadall of them for a taste? For me, I will do this definitely. The love forsomeone makes you want to know more about him/her, in this situation a goodknowledge of what he/she prefers is essential.

In a word, movies and music someone likes are like mirrors. Take good advantageof them, you will know more beyond the facial fact.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-27 21:16

tsyxyss 发表于 2013-5-27 19:17
5.26 独立

By human's step into the21st century, the entertainment industry is prospering to a boom. ...

我弱弱的说一句，是不是修改的过于简略了。。？楼主的帖子队友们可是改的很认真的。。。不过不管怎样，还是谢谢了

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-28 14:22
5.27 独立

In 20th century, there were too many inventions changing human’s life and bringing total evolution to the society, among which there are telephones and televisions. Although they are regarded as an important role in people’s life, that which is more effective is still in heat discussion. While someone hold the view that telephones play a more effective role in people’s life, I insist on the opposite opinion.

First of all, as we all know, telephones and televisions, invented for different aims, are all information media in our daily life. It is not hard to understand that telephone is a media of person to person, while television is something that can broadcast. That is, the covering area of telephone is far less than that of television. Say, should a piece of news that an explosion happened somewhere be transmitted via television or telephone? With televisions the news can spread all over a city within one hour. At the same time telephones cannot be able to achieve this goal.

In addition, television is a main source that brings people entertainment and happiness. Indeed, talking with good friends through the telephone is something comfortable that can help us resolve sadness in our heart, yet it is not practical to telephone someone every night, isn’t it? In addition, it is not always fit to call a person, especially at deep night. But the television is a best friend which will be company with you at any time when there is electricity available. Watching dramas will help you spend your spare time, while watching a movie you like is likely to let you experience the feeling of exciting, or surprise which you may miss in ordinary life.

Ultimately, television is “evolving” faster than the telephone. Technology has been the main rhythm in this era. Everything is changing rapidly, including television. Nowadays, television is more than television. There are some types of television produced recently being able to download games, shop on-line and chat on line. It has been added some functions which has been found on computers. In comparison, the telephone is developing less rapidly and it is gradually replaced by mobile phone.

In a word, television plays so crucial a role in sending us the information, helping us spending our spare time and enrich our part-time life that no one can leave it now. In conclusion, it plays a much more effective role than the telephone does.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-28 14:58
5.27 综合

The lecture refutes all the three theories which is being competed, stating that they are all plausible at first glance, but not convincing after a careful check.

The first theory is that the Chaco structures were purely residental. The houses are indeed similar to the "apartment buildings" from outside, however inside the houses they are not alike at all. If there were hundreds of people living there, it should have many fire places where the families cooked. Yet even in the biggest Canyon the fire places are only enough for ten families. And there are no enough rooms for so many families to live in.

Secondly, the passage points out that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. There is also evidence which can be used to dispute this theory. Inside the structures there aren't so many containers which were enough to store the grain maize. If they are developed to store food, why aren't any remains of big containers in the Chaco structures?

Finally, apart from a large number of broken pots, there are many other materials found in the excavations of the mound. Including them are building materials, sand stones and so on, indicating that it was just a place where some building trash was left. And the broken pots were just used for remains of regular meals.

作者: qianjun06 时间: 2013-5-28 21:09

whom123 发表于 2013-5-28 14:22
5.27 独立

In 20th century, there were too many inventions changing human’s life and bringing total ...

5.27 独立

In 20th century, there were too many inventions changing human’s life and bringing total evolution to the society, among which there are telephones and televisions. Although they are regarded as an important role in people’s life, that which which one is more effective is still in heat discussion. While someone hold the view that telephones play a more effective role in people’s life, I insist on the opposite opinion.

First of all, as we all know, telephones and televisions, invented for different aims, are all information medias in our daily life. It is not hard to understand that telephone is a media transmited from of person to person, while television is something that can broadcast wildely. That is, the covering area of telephone is far less than that of television. Say, should a piece of news that an explosion happened somewhere be transmitted via television or telephone? With televisions the news can spread all over a city within one hour. At the same time telephones cannot be able to achieve this goal.

In addition, television is a main source that brings people entertainment and happiness. Indeed, talking with good friends through the telephone is something comfortable that can help us resolve sadness in our heart, yet it is not practical to telephone someone every night, isn’t it?反问句蛮好 In addition, it is not always fit political to call a person, especially at deep night. But the television is a best friend which will (be) company accompany with you at any time when there is electricity available. Watching dramas will help you spend your spare time, while watching your favorate a movie (you like) is likely to let you experience the feeling of exciting, or surprise which whatyou may miss in ordinary life.

Ultimately, television is “evolving” faster than the telephone. Technology has been the main rhythm in this era. Everything is changing rapidly, including television. Nowadays, television is more than just a television. There are some types of television produced recently being able to download games, shop on-line and chat on line. It has been added some functions which has been found on computers. In comparison, the telephone is developing less rapidly and it is gradually replaced by mobile phone.

In a word, television plays so crucial a role in sending us the information sending the information to us , helping us spending our spare time and enriching our part-time life that no one can leave it now. In conclusion, it plays a much more effective role than the telephone does.

作者: qianjun06 时间: 2013-5-28 21:14

whom123 发表于 2013-5-28 14:58
5.27 综合

The lecture refutes all the three theories which is being competed, stating that they are ...

5.27 综合

The lecture refutes all the three theories which is being competed, stating that they are all plausible at first glance, but not convincing after a careful check.

The first theory is that the Chaco structures were purely residental. The houses are indeed similar to the "apartment buildings" from outside, however inside the houses they are not alike at all. If there were hundreds of people living there, it should have many fire places where the families cooked. Yet even in the biggest Canyon the fire places are only enough for ten families. And there are no not enough rooms for so many families to live in.

Secondly, the passage points out that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. There is also evidence which can be used to dispute this theory. Inside the structures there aren't so many containers which (were enough to) store the grain maize.不是没有足够container 而是没有container迹象 If they are developed to store food, why aren't any remains of big containers in the Chaco structures?

Finally, apart from a large number of broken pots, there are many other materials found in the excavations of the mound. Including them are building materials, sand stones and so on, indicating that it was just a place where some building trash was left. And the broken pots were just used for remains of regular meals.
听的蛮全的，结构也很好，加油

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-5-28 21:19

qianjun06 发表于 2013-5-28 21:14

真的很感谢啦。其实知道大家的时间肯定都很紧，能抽出时间来帮忙看已经很不易了，不过还是希望能有更犀利的批评，哈~~ 最后还是深深的感谢啦~~~

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-7-9 21:26
7.9 综合

In this passage the author asserted that Jane Austen was the subject of the portrait. However, the lecture contradicts this view from three aspects as following.

Firstly, the passage said that the Austen family recognized the girl in portrait as Jane Austen. Yet, by the time they claimed this assertion, it was 1882 when Jane Austen had been dead for 70 years, and none of Austen's extended family had ever seen herself. Thus, they were not certain about whether it was Jane or not.

In addition, the lecture doubted about the evidence that the portrait resembled the one in Cassandra's sketch. But at the time Jane Austen was a teenager, there were many girls in Jane Austen's extended family. We can not exclude the possibility that there was a girl of her relatives who resembled Jane Austen very much. In fact, there is a saying that the girl was one of Jane Austen's relative called Marian.

Ultimately, the date that the portrait was painted was later than the passage pointed out. The canvas of the portrait was sold by a person in London. It was recorded that he did not sell canvas when he was 27. Apart from that, when he was at this age of time Jane Austen was older that the girl in portrait, who was not a teenager at all.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-7-9 22:11
7.9 独立

With globalization spread through the world, the urbanization is also a common trend in many countries. What comes after that is that the population in cities is increasing year by year. Then a debate was raised by people arguing which is really suitable for people to live in, rural area or urban area. Nowadays a heated discussion about this topic is that compared to the people in cities, the people in rural area will take better care of their families. I absolutely agree with this point of view.

In this information society, we often call the life in the cities “life on the go”. Though the mobile phones and the personal computers provide more convenience than before, the pace of the people in society has ballooned at the same time. In that case, the people in cities have less spare time, which belong to themselves. Imagine about this scene: you were tired after work, just wanting to stay alone and doing nothing at all. However, at this time, you little son cried and shouted to make you tell stories to him. Can you concentrate on it and look after your son well? I’m afraid not. Taking the lives in rural areas as comparison, they will surly have more private time which can be spent a lot staying with their children and wives. It was no doubt they can take better care of their families.

In cities, the area is very big so the members of a family may live in different places. Even the public transportation is well constructed, it usually takes some time going there. Yet in countries people always stay together, especially members of a big family. When anyone of the family gets sick, the other members will reach him or her within some steps.

Besides, as we all know the stress in rural areas is much lighter. Once there was an experiment conducting on testing the emotional pressure of the people in cities and countries. When a volunteer had some problems, there were usually more people assisting the volunteer in countries. From this result it is easy for us to know that because the people in rural places have less mental pressure, they emphasize more attention on emotion, but not on materials as the citizens do. So they will care more about what the other members think and feel and be more considerate in daily lives.

In a world, only in a purer environment can the persons there have a purer heart. That’s why I believe the people in countries look after their family members better than the people in cities do.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-7-17 18:12
7.16 独立

From the first day of industry revolution, jobs have been something people love and hate at the same time. People love it because it provides the basic mental underlying and material which is needed for living in this society. Yet people hate it for sometimes working is indeed something boring. For long there are a variety of topics discussed about job, one of them is how long in a week people should work for. Someone think it should stay the same as now, some other people believe that we should change to work for three days of longer working hours. For me, I agree with the latter for the following reasons.

According to a recent survey, many employees hold the view that two days a week is not adequate to rest. Imagine, you just free yourself from the five working days. Tiredness is full of your body. For most people, they just want to stay at home, doing nothing at all. However, if you have four days for rest a week, things will be different. After a recovering time of one or two days, you could spare more time doing some exercise or having fun with your family. As we all know, physical exercise exerts positive effects on your physical fitness and having more time with your family member will improve your happiness. Thus the employees definitely will fresh themselves to initiate a new week.

Additionally, that days of working have been shortened to three days is going to make the employees concentrate more on their jobs. When childhood I was taught that one should work without sparing any energy doing other things, after that he would have the right to play as he likes. Isn’t it the same as adults? You focus on your jobs in three days without thinking about other things, then you will enjoy a four-day-long vocation. As an saying goes, “Attention is the key to effectiveness”. Why not enjoy yourselves after a fighting with all heart and souls?

At last, today’s five-day schedule usually makes many people feel unpleasant. An increasing number of employees come to realize the importance of passion in working. But if you work longer for three days, the stress of finishing the work will motivate more inner power of yours. Therefore you are going to accomplish it in an exciting mood and get more passion from it.

Life of anyone is limited. To enjoy a more meaningful life, there is no denying the fact that you should improve effectiveness. And working for three days may contribute to help you realize a more effective life.

作者: xiaxiaya 时间: 2013-8-17 10:46

whom123 发表于 2013-7-17 18:12
7.16 独立

From the first day of industry revolution, jobs have been something people love and hate ...

楼主的8.16作文~~？

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-17 16:05
8.16 综合
The lecture contradicts the opinion of the passage, that is, doubting about the pollution hypothesis and supporting the predation hypothesis at the same time. And the professor illustrates her opinion in three aspects.
Firstly, the passage said that the pollution along the Alaska coast were proved by the water sample which revealed increased levels of chemicals. However, it is no one who has ever found any otters dead in Alaska beaches. Thus, there is no direct evidence which supports the view that pollution causes the decline of otters.
Secondly, the passage says that the decline of the otters happened simultaneously with the decline of sea mammels and the sea lions.And this is also the cause of pollution, since the predator orca do not hunt them instead of the whales. Yet the whales in that area is so few that the orca cannot survive if they only hunt the whales. So it is quite possible that the orac hunts for otters and other sea animals. Due to the small population of whales, the population of otters is greatly decreased by the predation.
Finally, the passage says the pollution perfectly explains why the decrease of otters has distinctions in different area. The orca is so big that they can not live in rocky and shallowy habitats. But the population of otters which live in rocky and shallowy habitats is very stable, while at the opposite environment the otters is decreasing dramatically. So this is just an evidence of predation hypothesis, no one of pollution hypothesis.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-17 16:49

xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-17 10:46
楼主的8.16作文~~？

8.16 独立
This era is a totally different era. It is a time of freedom, busy life and civilization variety. In this new modern world, many things also distinct from ones of the past. Such as the young people, I believe they have more ideas about making decisions, not depend on their parents as the past.
In the first place, we all know this is a world of freedom. The society emphasizes more and more on the indivisual personalities and rights. People have more power on the management of his own private things. Hence they will have more chances to decide their private current. And young people are just among them. Taking the love for instance, it is a word called love freedom, which was non-existed before. In the past most young people had no rights about deciding the marriage instead they listened to what their parents would arrange. Yet now everyone has right to chase for his or her true love. If you fall in love with anyone, just go and express your emotion. You have freedom to marry anyone you like. Old times did not give you such independent right to do so.
Apart from that, we always like to give the life in the city a symbol, “life on the go”. Everyone is so busy doing their work and there are no exceptions for the parents. Compared with the past, parents have less time spending with their kids. That is, more young people learn to handle and decide from their childhood. Many of them is not worried about the common questions like what to eat and what to dress today because they have adapted to decide these daily tasks. Many of my friends even are good at cooking and designing a healthy diet every day. Isn’t it a natural consequence of the difference of the young people today?
At last, this is also a society of various cultures. Entertainment industry and transportation are prospering than any other time. People have so many choices to spend their spare time, like movies, music and travel. In that case, many communities come out, including many communities consisted of young people. With these groups existing, young people have more opportunities to communicate with the persons of near ages. And they have bigger stage to express their personalities. As a result they should be more perspective and concern carefully about what they will deal with. Of course they prefer to decide by themselves.
From what I have mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion the young people today is making decisions more by themselves than the ones in the past. And I believe they will be more mature than the ones in the past.

作者: lmt2011 时间: 2013-8-17 21:04
用word改的~~请查收哦~~~
一起加油~！！

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 15:14

lmt2011 发表于 2013-8-17 21:04
用word改的~~请查收哦~~~
一起加油~！！

谢谢啦咦都没有提醒现在才看到。。。

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 15:43
8.17 综合 TPO11

The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage. There are some misunderstanding about the effect of reading less literature in this passage. The lecture explain its standpoint in three aspects.

In the first place, the passage confirm that nothing provide the intellectual stimulation other than literature does. However, the arguer seems to ignore the existance of books about science, history and some other topics. These books are also creative and able to stimulate the imagination of the readers. That is, they are beneficial to the reading public as the literature does.

Secondly, the lecture points out that the culture decline, what is said in the passage, has never happened. Instead there are so many valuable medium now, such as music and movie. Is that someone stands down listening to a beautiful song or watching a great movie a matter of wasting time? Of course not. It can give us spiritual comfort as well as aesthetic appreciation, which never lowered our cultural standard.

Furthermore, the fact that there is no enough support for literature is not the fault of reader, but the fault of author. Novels, plays and poems today are difficult to understand than the ones before. Without a intellectual understanding, readers are not willing to read those books. In contrast, the literature books in the past are much more easier to be understood. This is something that the writers must think over.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 15:58

lmt2011 发表于 2013-8-17 21:04
用word改的~~请查收哦~~~
一起加油~！！

感谢认真的批改！提出的意见一定会努力改正的
加油并祝考试顺利~~~

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 17:09
8.17 独立

In any kind of work, rewarding mechanism is a dispensable part in administration of the employees. Equal and subjective rewarding can not only motivate the ones who get reward, but also activate the ones who do not get reward. Teaching is not an exception. Thus, how to evaluate a teacher has been a crucial problem. And in my view, the estimation from student is more useful than the other teachers’.

Without any doubt, the students are the ones who get in touch with a teacher’s working method at the most times. No one can be more familiar with how a teacher instructs than the students. Imagine you would judge a doctor’s ability, wouldn’t you listen to the patients’ advice? People’s complishment is the most direct and the fastest reflection of their ability. And students are not only the direct persons who benefit from teachers, but also the persons who are also the teachers’ “works”. Thus, they are able to give the most precise comment on the teaching method.

The level of subject of the evaluation indeed lies on the time of being instructed, however, we should not ignore the factor of the benefit conflict among teachers. As what is mentioned above the estimate is used for rewarding. If two teachers are all coordinates for the rewarding and they are all eager to get it, it is possible that they may give unreal marks to each other. That will definitely disturb the final result. In contrast, the student will not be involved in this kind of matter. They have no benefit conflict with their teachers and will give them a suitable mark.

Furthermore, the evaluation of students show the attitude the teachers treat students. And this is also a fact which should be in consideration in rewarding, isn’t it? A teacher who has a good teaching approach may get on well with work partners, while he is not popular among students. Even though he is good at transmitting the knowledge, the efficiency of the class may be less than it should be because of their impression they make on students.

Yet the other teachers’ comments should not be abandoned. They are the ones who know more about teaching than students. Taking their evaluation into account will get a full sight about one teacher.

In all, putting students’ evaluation in a more important position is appreciative. Only in that way, can the rewarding mechanism have the best effect on a school.

作者: lmt2011 时间: 2013-8-18 17:58

whom123 发表于 2013-8-18 15:14
谢谢啦咦都没有提醒现在才看到。。。

私信你你看见没？

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 19:15

lmt2011 发表于 2013-8-18 17:58
私信你你看见没？

已回望查~

作者: lmt2011 时间: 2013-8-18 20:11
[修改版~~]
8.17 独立

In any kind of work, rewarding mechanism is a dispensable part in （+the） administration of the employees. （+A +） Equal and subjective （subjective是主观哦，你这里是想指客观把？）rewarding can not only motivate the ones who get reward, but also activate the ones who do not get reward. Teaching is not an exception. Thus, how to evaluate a teacher has been a crucial problem. And in my view, the estimation from student is more useful than the other teachers’.

第一段简单描述了下背景，感觉这样充实了一点，不错~ 就是可能是限时写的把？有些词像主客观感觉用错了~

Without any doubt, the students are the ones who get in touch with a teacher’s working（teaching感觉更贴切） method at the most times.（-->总感觉这句说的不够直接贴切，接触时间最长为什么就能评判？或许可以直接说“学生是直接享受教育成果的人”之类的） No one can be more familiar with how a teacher instructs than the students. Imagine you would judge a doctor’s ability, wouldn’t you listen to the patients’ advice? （Imagine that how can you evaluate the medical skills of a doctor without listening to the patients' advice?）People’s complishment is the most direct and the fastest reflection of their ability. And students are not only the direct persons who benefit from teachers, but also the persons who are also the teachers’ “works (+for)”. Thus, they are able to give the most precise comment on the teaching method.

第二段：用医生的例子感觉挺好~~ 但是那句话写的略难懂了，呵呵~

The level of subject of the evaluation indeed lies on the time of being instructed, however, we should not ignore the factor of the benefit conflict among teachers. As what is mentioned above the estimate is used for rewarding. If two teachers are all coordinates for the rewarding and they are all eager to get it, it is possible that they may give unreal marks to each other. That will definitely disturb the final result. In contrast, the student will not be involved in this kind of matter. They have no benefit conflict with their teachers and will give them a suitable mark.

第三段：老师间有利益冲突，这理由感觉也挺strong的，最后一句可以再总结下，说所以学生评更useful。

Furthermore, the evaluation of students show the attitude the teachers treat students. And this is also a fact which should be in consideration in rewarding, isn’t it? A teacher who has a good teaching approach may get on well with work partners, while he is not popular among students. Even though he is good at transmitting the knowledge, the efficiency of the class may be less than it should be because of their impression they make on students.

第四段:呃,这段貌似没有读懂,感觉要说的意思和第二段有些重复了,学生还是直接接触的人,才能去判断教学效果

Yet the other teachers’ comments should not be abandoned. They are the ones who know more about teaching than students. Taking their evaluation into account will get a full sight about one teacher.

第五段:让步~~~理由也不错,老师是学生之外最懂教育的人`~

In all, putting students’ evaluation in a more important position is appreciative. Only in that way, can the rewarding mechanism have the best effect on a school.

结尾精炼~~感觉不错`~ 但是第五段有让步,是不是也要把让步的内容在结尾带着说一下?

summary:
全文有6段了,而且第4段和第2段感觉说的东西有交集,可以合并,显得全文更紧凑一点~~你说嘞?

作者: qingcongll 时间: 2013-8-18 21:35

whom123 发表于 2013-8-18 15:43
8.17 综合 TPO11

The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage. There are some misunder ...

The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage. There are some misunderstanding about the effect of reading less literature in this passage. The lecture explain its standpoint in three aspects.

In the first place, the passage confirm that nothing provide the intellectual stimulation other than literature does. However, the arguer seems to ignore the existance of books about science, history and some other topics. These books are also creative and able to stimulate the imagination of the readers. That is, they are beneficial to the reading public as the literature does.

Secondly, the lecture points out that the culture decline, what is said in the passage, has never happened. Instead there are so many valuable medium now, such as music and movie. Is that someone stands down listening to a beautiful song or watching a great movie a matter of wasting time?(这里直接说waste time就好） Of course not. It can give us spiritual comfort as well as aesthetic appreciation, which never lowered our cultural standard.

Furthermore, the fact that there is no enough support for literature is not the fault of reader, but the fault of author. Novels, plays and poems today are difficult to understand than the ones before. Without a intellectual understanding, readers are not willing to read those books. In contrast, the literature books in the past are much more easier to be understood. This is something that the writers must think over.
总体来说问题不大，注意语法和用词拼写等小错误

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-18 21:58

qingcongll 发表于 2013-8-18 21:35
The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage. There are some misunderstanding about ...

谢谢你的批改~

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-19 16:48
8.18 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older
people.

With the increasing development of different sorts of medium, influence that the celebrities make on society has been much more significant than any time before. When it comes to the discussion of celebrities, people often argue about the impact of their opinions on different groups of people. Some believe celebrities’ opinions play a more important role on young people than the older ones, while some do contradict the former. As to myself, I agree with the first view.

Young people always pay more attention to celebrities than the older and this is a fact that no one will cast doubt on. They chase the stars, no matter they are versatile at sports or arts. As an old saying goes, “Love me, love my dog.” When young people come to care about the celebrities, there is unavoidable that the behavior, dress and thoughts of the celebrities will have effect on their daily lives. Some of them even mimic all the dress style, favorable food and sports of their idols. In contrast, there are few older adults who will do like that.

Furthermore, young people are at the time of struggle, which is different from the older ones. Many older people is likely to have a stable family, income and social state. However, most of young people still have a long way to go and much potential to be used. And also, many of them have big dreams. Taking all of that into consideration, young persons will definitely have a more desirable mental need to be activated and encouraged. And the celebrities, many of whom are successful at an early age, are often the lights of many ambitious people. Their experience and views about success are always used by young people to direct their journeys to destination.

Besides, young people are lack of life experience and ability of independent thinking. Thus, when problems come, such as emotional problems, they will prefer to find someone who is similar to them to find solution instead of working out it by themselves. At this time, the entertainers and athletes, who are at young age as well and have a bright appearance, are more welcomed by young people to be their communication parteners. Hence, they are depended more on the celebrities’ opinion. Nevertheless, the older ones who get a lot of experience about life would like to think how to solve problems alone.

As a person who is watched every day by public, the celebrities’ unwitting view may rise a heated contemplate wave in people of the society, no matter the young or the old. Since they are so significant in affecting the society’s view, they should careful about every sentence and word.

Yet the majority of people who care about celebrities are the young, we can get the conclusion that celebrities’ opinions are playing a more compound impact on them than on the old.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-19 17:24
8.18 综合 tpo12

The lecture absolutely disagrees with the opinion of the passage. And it contradicts the evidence of proving the girl in portrait is Austen given in the passage one by one as follows.

First, the passage says that Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in a edition of her letters in 1882. However, it was the time when Austen was dead for almost 70 years, which means no one in the family had ever seen Austen before. In fact, they didn't know whether it was Austen or not for certain. Thus this so-called provence is less than plausible.

Second, the lecture points out that there were so many female teenagers in Austen's big family. And also, it is quite possible that there were some of the relatives of Austen who resembls her a lot. So the claim that the girl in portrait is Austen because she resembles the sketch of Cassandra is not sound. Apart from that, it has been found that one girl called Marian in the family really resembles the girl in portrait. She is more likely to be the girl in the portrait.

Furthermore, the evidence that the painting was painted when Austen was a teenager was less than convincable. The campus of this portrait was discovered to be sold by a merchant named William. But he didn't sell campus until Austen was 27, who was not a teenager any more. Hence this strongly disputes the view of passage as well.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-19 17:26

lmt2011 发表于 2013-8-18 20:11
[修改版~~]
8.17 独立

谢谢中肯的意见！~ 好多地方我很同意啊。。。

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-19 19:47
为了防止忘记我先在这里mark下……
同学我们是互改18号的作文，我现在正在写，稍后上传之后帮你改

========================================

蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议
红色的地方是强烈建议修改的地方
黄色高亮是个人认为用得比较好的好词好句

8.18 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older
people.

With the increasing development of different sorts of medium, influence that the celebrities make on society has been much more significant than any time before.(入题句很亮！）When it comes to the discussion of celebrities, people often argue about the impact of their opinions on different groups of people. Some believe celebrities’ opinions play a more important role on young people than the older ones, while some do contradict the former. As to myself（之前没有见过这样的用法，大多是“As for me”“when it comes to myself”,如果同学认为这样写没有问题的话可以无视掉这一条）, I agree with the first view.（稍微有些指代不明，阐述观点句建议最好还是直接说清楚自己的立场。）

Young people always pay more attention to celebrities than the older and this is a fact that no one will cast doubt on.（此句为分论点的主题句，加上这半句之后显得有些啰嗦，建议缩为一个单句或直接删去） They chase the stars, no matter they are versatile at sports or arts. As an old saying goes, “Love me, love my dog.” When young people come to care about the celebrities, there is unavoidable that the behavior, dress and thoughts of the celebrities will have effect on their daily lives. Some of them even mimic all the dress style, favorable food and sports of their idols. In contrast, there are few older adults who will do like that.（本段的观点是年轻人对于名人更加关注，用一个名言和一些泛泛的现象作为例证，个人感觉说服力方面不是很高。建议举一些更加具体深化的例子）

Furthermore, young people are at the time of struggle, which is different from the older ones. Many older people is（are) likely to have a stable family, income and social state. However, most of young people still have a long way to go and much potential to be used. And also, many of them have big dreams. Taking all of that into consideration, young persons will definitely have a more desirable mental need to be activated and encouraged. And the celebrities, many of whom are successful at an early age, are often the lights of many ambitious people. Their experience and views about success are always used by young people to direct their journeys to destination.（本段为纯说理段，建议在其中加上具体例子。另外就是前面标蓝的部分说年轻人怎样怎样稍微有点啰嗦，建议一句话带过，比如说：Unlike the older, most young people do not have a stable family and still need to struggle for their dream of success. Thus, the celebrities, XXXXXXX）

Besides, young people are lack of life experience and ability of independent thinking. Thus, when problems come, such as emotional problems（情绪问题？这句话和这个词看得不是很懂）, they will prefer to find someone who is similar to them to find solution instead of working out it by themselves. At this time, the entertainers and athletes, who are at young age as well and have a bright appearance, are more welcomed by young people to be their communication parteners. Hence, they are depended more on the celebrities’ opinion. Nevertheless, the older ones who get a lot of experience about life would like to think how to solve problems alone.（同样是例证的问题，建议缩减说理的部分，加上详细的具体例证。）

As a person who is watched every day by public, the celebrities’ unwitting view may rise a heated contemplate wave in people of the society, no matter the young or the old. Since they are so significant in affecting the society’s view, they should careful about every sentence and word.（本段算是第四个分论点吗？如果是的话展开的不够充分。）

Yet（yet通常表否定的转折，楼主这前句话和后半句并不是这种关系，读起来有些奇怪） the majority of people who care about celebrities are the young, we can get the conclusion that celebrities’ opinions are playing a more compound impact on them than on the old.

整体印象：
1.这篇文章最大的问题是缺乏具体的例子，显得说理非常不充分，这在托福作文中是比较吃亏的。
2.希望楼主多注重逻辑连词的使用，本文中“and”稍微有点多。
3.文章里面偶尔会发现一些小的语法错误，楼主写的时候要注意

请继续加油~~~

作者: mk314400 时间: 2013-8-19 21:18

8/18综合批改

Thelecture absolutely disagrees with the opinion of the passage. And itcontradicts the evidence of proving（改成that proves会更好） thegirl in portrait is Austen given in the passage one by one as follows.

First, the passage says that Austen's family gavepermission to use the portrait as an illustration in a（an） editionof her letters in 1882. However, it was the time when Austen was dead foralmost 70 years, which means no one in the family had ever seen Austen before.In fact, they didn't know whether it was Austen or not for certain. Thus thisso-called provence is less than plausible.

Second, the lecture points out that there were so manyfemale teenagers in Austen's big family. And also, it is quite possible thatthere were some of the relatives of Austen who resembls her a lot. So theclaim that the girl in portrait is Austen because she resembles the sketch ofCassandra is not sound. Apart from that, it has been found that one girl calledMarian in the family really resembles the girl in portrait. She is more likelyto be the girl in the portrait.(稍稍有点乱。个人认为听力和文章中的内容交叉出现的形式不是特别清晰。)

Furthermore, the evidence that the painting was paintedwhen Austen was a teenager was less than convincable. The campus of thisportrait was discovered to be sold by a merchant named William. Buthe didn't sell campus（canvas） untilAusten was 27, who was not a teenager any more. Hence this strongly disputesthe view of passage as well.

建议：在听的时候要抓住听力中哪个点反驳了阅读中的哪个点，要一一对应。这样在听的时候能够帮助你集中注意力，并且写的时候也会更有逻辑。本文稍微有点单薄。可能主要是听的问题～加油！P.S.里面的拼写错误直接放进word校对一下吧我不帮你改了。。

作者: laneesherry 时间: 2013-8-21 05:00
前来提醒一下，这位同学不要忘了帮我改18号的作文虽然说很烂。。。
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=810631

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-21 17:35
8.20 综合 TPO14

The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage, stating that salvage logging appears to be helpful but causes serious and longer-term damage in fact.

Firstly, it is confirmed in the passage that salvage logging can take place for new trees and help forest recover. Yet this is not a right condition. From the decomposition of the dead trees the soil will be full of nutrient and more suitable for the live trees to grow. Therefore removing them right away is just reducing the nutrient in soil and not good for the forest's development.

In addition, the spruce bark beetle is likely to be less harmful than what is expected in the passage since it has been lived in the forest for almost a hundred years. Besides, removing the dead trees is removing the habitat of many species, such as birds and some other insects, which contribute to the forest at the same time. Hence salvage logging is indeed not a long-term strategy.

At last, the professor mentions that it is not economical at all to carry out the salvage logging. It needs helicopters and some other facilities, which is expensive, to do the plan. So it is possible to cost more money other than to have profits. Apart from that, offering job opportunities is temporary. And this also needs more special training of local residents.

From what has been discussed above, salvage logging has more draw-backs than benefits.

作者: whom123 时间: 2013-8-21 17:36
8.20 独立

With the development of differentindustries, an increasing number of social life style has come to us. Unlikethe limited choices in the past, today more life styles are within reach whenit is time for us to relax. When it comes to this topic, a debate always existsbetween the choice of physical exercise and that of reading or watching movies.For me, I prefer to do the latter.

In the first place, physical exercise isindeed a good activity to spend spare time, yet it is not a good way forrelaxation. After some sorts of exercise, you sweat and get tired. Thus extratime is needed for you to rest and deal with the sweating clothes. Sometimes weeven feel tiredness, which many of us may have had enough in the work. Incontrast, reading or watching movies saves you a plenty of time, as we all knowtime is money today, as well as have a time of real comfort.

In addition, reading or watching moviesalso has less requirements about the space. When preparing to do some exercise,such as football or baseball, you will need a wide and broad place to carry onyour plan. However, no matter what type of movie or book you would like toenjoy, opening your computer and downloading what you like simply achieves yourgoal, especially in the information era. It is clear a computer surely will nottake a big place. Wherever you are, at home or in the office, it is convenientto do this relax work right away without going out to find a suitable place.

Furthermore, doing physical exercisesometimes cause injury. Even it is a rare condition, once it happened anyone involvedin it would be influenced in many aspects. It may hurt some parts which isnecessary for your job. A good worker will feel frustrated when his hands usedfor handling machines were injured. You would spend money on medical care ofthe injury part. For someone it would bring them mental frustration because ofmoney loss.

Physical exercise is a good way to becomestrong. It helps us fit and have the attractive statue. However, it may not bea good option to relax. Aim of relaxation is to have enough rest and comfort,not create some risky and unhappy consequences.

作者: 饼干小熊 时间: 2013-8-21 20:52

The lecture totally contradicts the opinion of the passage, stating that salvage logging appears to be helpful but causes serious and longer-term damage in fact.

Firstly, it is confirmed in the passage that salvage logging can take place for new trees and help forest recover. Yet this is not a right condition for tree grows.From the decomposition of the dead trees the soil will be full of nutrient and more suitable for the live trees to grow. Therefore removing them right away is just reducing the nutrient in soil and not good for the forest's development.

In addition, the spruce bark beetle is likely to be less harmful than what is expected in the passage since it has been lived in the forest for almost a hundred years. Besides, removing the dead trees is removing the habitat of many species, such as birds and some other insects, which contribute to the forest at the same time. Hence salvage logging is indeed not a long-term strategy. 要再提下insect infestation

At last, the professor mentions that it is not economical at all to carry out the salvage logging. It needs helicopters and some other facilities, which is expensive, to do the plan. So it is possible to cost more money other than to have profits. Apart from that, offering job opportunities is temporary. And this also needs more special training of local residents. 后来又听了下，有提到给的工作多给外地人抢走了

From what has been discussed above, salvage logging has more draw-backs than benefits.

用词简洁到位挑不出什么错，稍加强一下逻辑就更好了。不严谨的地方我用红色标出来了。

作者: ni_kate 时间: 2013-8-23 17:11
8.22 独立，请查阅,别忘了修改噢
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870746-2-1.html

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