their leadership[/color]（后面是的例子是交流能力，不要用leadership这个词吧，example要跟论点搭）, taking part in an English cornor can encourage them to communicate with each other and participating a society（social activity） like a volleyball team will force them to collaborate with others. These are bringing home to the students that some abilities are crucial. It is obvious that this society needs them to erect these abilities（这个表达太chinglish了吧） well. And students are capable of promoting faster when they left schools to work for their boss if owning these skills.（这句话读有点绕口，我先改成there is no doubt that owning these skills will enable students to be distinguished in the stiff competition after they step into job market. ）
In addition, there is no denying that students can make friends who has the same interesting with them. They talk deeper and deeper once they met, being familiar with each other. So, they become friends even the best friend. They share happiness and sadness together, face the difficulties and solve the problems. How exciting it is that they make friends when they take part in social activities.（中间也可以举一些不是“例子的例子”，就是具体讲各种情况下怎么交朋友啊，有时我会写成3句排比：体育爱好者参加team会遇到什么样的朋友啊，balabala写3个就够了）
On the other hand, students broaden their versions by exchanging different cultures of their own hometown with each other. For example, I took part in a badminton team at my college. In this team there was a girl who came from Shanghai, telling us their main food are taste sweet.（两个动词啦） I'm curious about this because I'm in Anhui who never ever known that main meal can be sweet. So I asked her why and the reason she answered （gave，用answered的话定语从句还原就是she answered the reason了）me was that people there are inclined to sweet food（用法不对，chinglish）. From then on I acknowledged another cultures about food of Shanghai.（这段的论证比较弱，最好点出为什么exchange culture对学生重要）
What if schools spend much money on students' meals? Students will weigh overwhelming（你想表达超重吧，这个有是中式表达啦，用overweight就行了）, they become obese and these are harmful to their health. What's more, some students even think about the meal when they are in class if the meals are very tasty, detracting them from studying. In my opinion, I do not approve these behaviors.（这段想指出没有必要improve meal的idea是很好的啦，建议把这段写丰满一点，删掉上一段）
In conclusion, I stand by the side that schools spend more budget on social activities than on meals. Students should make themselves useful to the society not add obesities for the society.
作者: 艾米果果 时间: 2013-5-5 19:28
额，只想标出一些句子的不知道怎么回事全部变红了。。。
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-5 22:34
艾米果果 发表于 2013-5-5 19:28 
额，只想标出一些句子的不知道怎么回事全部变红了。。。
没事没事 谢谢你改得这么好哈~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-6 09:43
艾米果果 发表于 2013-5-5 19:28
额，只想标出一些句子的不知道怎么回事全部变红了。。。
对了，你上次托福写作多少分？肿么样~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-15 23:58
Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.
People are inclined to travelling all over the world nowdays. If you ask me which option I will choose among eating aspect, placement and good friends, obsolutely I will choose friends. The rearsons are as follows.
To begin with, althouth, tasting delicious food can make us relieve from stress and feel comfortable, it can not provide pleasure for us. We can just sitting at a table and eat. The progress is so boring and lonely that maybe the tasty food fail to catch our attention. The atmosphere around us make us feel drowsy. However, if we have good friends around us, we can sit together and eat, talking with each other and laughing and playing jokes, we are joyful even though the food is not tasty. In addition, the purpose of travelling is relaxing and enjoyful, so the quality of food is not essential only if food could fill up with stomaches.
Second, friends are enable to interest the progress when we are dedicated at a place. For instance, if we go to a church, we see the sculptures are nothing but stones since we do not have a solid understanding about these sculptures. At this time if one good friend of mine who is farvored with sculptures tells us the history of them such as the origin of these sculptures and the meaning why they are put here etc., I believe these statues are not only stones any more, they became historical and worthful statues. And we feel joyful in this progress.
Last but not least, friends can reverse certain adverse conditions we met. For instance, once I went to a town which is boring with my friends, I should never have thought that we could have a impressive night. We were not chatted and played games until saw the sunlight.
All in all, if all the factors all above are contemplated, we can easily reach a conclusion that going outside with friends is our best choice.
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-16 15:05
05.16 Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
In the past people can merely communicate with each other by face to face. Now with the booming of technology in the society, certain people wonder if we can work at home by computers or telephones instead of working in the office. From my perspective, I suppose on this thought. I will explain the reasons more clearly as the followings.
Working at house can save the time we spend on the road, which means we have more time to work if we get up as early as we work in the office. For instance, I usually get up at seven o'clock in the morning. After I eat my breakfast I have to dedicate one hour on taking public transportation such as buses and subways. So it is nine when I get to the company and start to work. Working at home, however, enable me to work one more hour if I get up at seven. In other words, the time I saved contributes to more job I could done. Thus, my boss will be satified with my performance and I will be at a favored place on promoting salary and position.
On the other hand, the envrionment around house makes us feel comfortable. The serious atmosphere in the office will make us stressful while we can play our favorite cds at low column when we are working at home. In addition,we are free to dress what we intended to. We can even dress pajamas when we are doing our jobs at home. And this is different with the ones who wear uniform working at office. Actually certain uniform because of tight or the color lead to uncomfortable feeling. This maybe lower the efficiency during worktime.
Last but not least, as an old English proverb goes, "every coin has two sides". It is surely that working at home cause unconvenience to some extent. Let us assume a situation. If my colleague need to see the content of one document from me, here is the problem, I cannot hand it over to my co-worker immediately. But still, we can diminish this problem not only by emailing him/her the electronic edition of this document but by expressing him/her the paper edition.
From what we discussed above we can safely draw the conclusion that working at home is superior to doing jobs at office.
作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-5-16 19:24
word黏贴来还是没颜色，见图片吧
红色修改，黄色高亮好词。
你一些词义的理解，或者词的搭配的用法不准确，这种错误比较多。行文逻辑，文章结构，倒没有太大的问题。
作者: 艾米果果 时间: 2013-5-18 10:40
05.16 Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
In the past people can merely communicate with each other by face to face.(还有一个写信) Now with the booming of technology in the society, certain people wonder if we can work at home by computers or telephones instead of working in the office. From my perspective, I suppose（是support吧？） on this thought. I will explain the reasons more clearly as the followings.（这句话本身没问题，就是模板痕迹重。建议万不得已，第一段实在太短字数不足时才用）
Working at house（telecommuting远程办公，这两个词换着用哈） can save the time we spend on the road, which means we have more time to work if we get up as early as we work in the office. For instance, I usually get up at seven o'clock in the morning. After I eat my breakfast I have to dedicate one hour on taking public transportation such as buses and subways. So it is nine when I get to the company and start to work. Working at home, however, enables me to work one（two） more hour if I get up at seven（亲，这句话可以用虚拟语气，加分句哦~~）. In other words, the time I saved contributes to more job I could done. Thus, my boss will be satified with my performance and I will be at a favored place on promoting salary and position. （论点清晰，论述有说服力。加油~~~非要说什么改进，就是练一些“高级词汇”吧）
On the other hand, the envrionment around house makes us feel comfortable. （which will definitely boost the work efficiency加一句怎么样？）The serious atmosphere in the office will make us stressful while we can play our favorite cds（小小建议，可以说是谁的cds，比如Taylor Swift ，就是“具体化”或者你自导更有美国范的也行，说当听到她的XX歌心情就很愉快，工作效率也高了） at low column when we are working at home. In addition,we are free to dress what we intended to. We can even dress pajamas when we are doing our jobs at home. And this is different with the ones who wear uniform working at office. Actually certain uniform， because of tight or the color，（介宾短语我觉得放在句子中间做插入语要好一些，要么就放在句首或者句尾） leads to uncomfortable feeling. This maybe lower the efficiency during worktime.（个人观点：讲得是工作所以最好分论点也与工作相关，把分论点写成一个复合句，使人舒适是原，提高效率是果）
Last but not least, as an old English proverb goes, "every coin has two sides". It is surely that working at home cause unconvenience to some extent. Let us assume a situation. If my colleague need to see the content of one document from me, here is the problem, I cannot hand it over to my co-worker immediately. But still, we can diminish this problem not only by emailing him/her the electronic edition of this document but by expressing him/her the paper edition.（这一段要特别注意哦，从全文来看是想写成“一边倒”型的writing，因为你在首段表明态度的时候说的是support this thought，那么后面的三个分论点就要支持这个总论点。当然这段是可也写成让步型的论证，承认有不足，但最后还是要把主题拉到telecommuting是可行的上面，也就是你but/however后面要着重写，要不你看看在不在最后一句在啰嗦一下：有了这种解决办法，在家也能跟同事很好的沟通）
From what we discussed above we can safely draw the conclusion that working at home is superior to doing jobs at office.
作者: 艾米果果 时间: 2013-5-18 10:41
不好意思哈~~~现在才修改完。个人意见，仅供参考
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-19 15:05
艾米果果 发表于 2013-5-18 10:40
05.16 Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
In the ...
"Working at home, however, enables me to work one（two） more hour if I get up at seven（亲，这句话可以用虚拟语气，加分句哦~~）"
请教：用虚拟语气加分句应该怎么改哈~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-19 16:20
05.18 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from their work.
With the booming of society people tend to cost much more hours on work than ever before. Be honest, I am doutful with this phenomenon. Does not they feel boring while concentrating on one same work? Are they aware of interests and phisical activities which are irrelevent with work can bring them something new? Hence, I agree with the statement that people should spend time on hobbies and physical activities different from their jobs.
To begin with, hobbies relieve us from daily life grind and pressure from work. I, take myself for example, am a teacher and obessesed with the documentaries. I will delicate one or two hours on watching documentaries like the ocean, the earth and the polar bear etc while frustrated. Seeing the dolphins swimming in the ocean and the lions catching their preys not only kind of enjoyment but also extending our visions, which we can know why and how they do these actions. In addition, different hobbies will lead to various reflection which make life fresh and interesting to us. For instance, I am also involved in bungee jumping. Every time I jumped I feel like that I reborn. Everything around me is so nice because of the excitement bungee taken to me.
With respect to phisical activities, they will benefit our health. As a rule, people tend to take exercisei to strenghten their body as the quality of life has improved. I, myself, am involved in. Running is my favorite movement. I will go to the playground and run for two or three circles after I correct the students' homework in the office everynight. Thus, I am always in a good physical situation.
Admittedly, hobbies and physical activities which are different considerably from work indeed will cost our much time. However, it is worthful. What is the meaning if one gets hypertension even though his/her salary approaches million a year?
In a nut shell, hobbies and physical activities are essential and indispensable to us. People are supposed to do them for a better life.
作者: sunchou 时间: 2013-5-19 16:35
5.18 独立修改
With the booming of society people tend to cost(spend) much more hours on work than ever before.To Be honest, I am doutfu(doubtful) with this phenomenon. Does not they feel boring while concentrating on one same work?(这句话感觉有点奇怪) Are they aware of（that） interests and phisical activities which are irrelevent with work can bring them something new?（这句话有两个动词） Hence, I agree with the statement that people should spend time on hobbies and physical activities different from their jobs.
To begin with, hobbies relieve us from daily life grind and pressure from work. I, take myself for example, am a teacher and obessesed with the documentaries. I will delicate（dedicate） one or two hours on watching documentaries like the ocean, the earth and the polar bear etc while frustrated. Seeing the dolphins swimming in the ocean and the lions catching their preys is not only a kind of enjoyment but also an extending of our visions, which we can know why and how they do these actions. In addition, different hobbies will lead to various reflection which make life fresh and interesting to us. For instance, I am also involved in bungee jumping. Every time I jumped I feel like that I reborn. Everything around me is so nice because of what the excitement bungee taken to （gives） me.
With respect to phisical activities, they will benefit our health. As a rule, people tend to take exercisei（exercise） to strenghten their body as the quality of life has improved. I, myself, am involved in it. Running is my favorite movement（activity）. I will go to the playground and run for two or three circles after I correct the students' homework in the office everynight. Thus, I am always in a good physical situation（condition）.
Admittedly, hobbies and physical activities which are different considerably from work indeed will cost our（us） much time. However, it is worthful. What is the meaning if one gets hypertension even though his/her salary approaches one million a year?
In a nut shell, hobbies and physical activities are essential and indispensable to us. People are supposed to do them for a better life.
文章整体的思路还是很清晰地，文章开头很好的引出了题目主旨。但是感觉基本语法上有些不严谨和错误。同时应注意一下词汇和句型的多样化。
作者: sunchou 时间: 2013-5-19 16:37
奇怪，我明明改的是用的红色字体，为什么都没有了呢
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-19 16:38
艾米果果 发表于 2013-5-18 10:40
05.16 Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
In the ...
期待你回来~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-5-19 16:40
sunchou 发表于 2013-5-19 16:37
奇怪，我明明改的是用的红色字体，为什么都没有了呢
恩 有时确实会这样 你的作文我晚上回来改哈 现在出去有事儿
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-3 23:29
06.03 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.
With technology develops dramatically in the society, government has placed more emphasis on education than ever before. Accompanying with this phenomen, here is the heated issue that a proportion of persons agree that the impact of organizations and activities students take part in are akin to academic class. From my perspective, however, they underestimate the importance of extracurriculars.
To begin with, students can obtain well-rounded personalities no matter participating in organization or activities. There is no denying that taking part in a basketball team will enhance youngsters' ability of collaborating. And it is evident that participating a technology team can not only stimulate students' creativity but also prompt their manipulative capability. Those are essential components in terms of teenagers' growth. However,knowledge from the books cannot provide students with these capabilities.
On the other hand, youngsters' may make good even best friends with those who have the same interesting respects in extracurriculars while learning at class fails to accommodate this. Students share not only their delighted things such as winning a game but also the grief ones mutually. A recent survey conducted by Peking University illustrates that sharing myraid of feelings facilitate the formation of relationships.
Last but not least, students can put theories which are learned in class into practice by doing experiment. This progress will be imposing so that students are unlikely to forget. For example, if students are told that make NaHco3 react with Hcl will generate a kind of gas called Co2, they would be hard-pressed to imagine what was going on. But whey they exerted the experiment by themselves, they saw bubbles coming from the glass tube which is immersed in the water. Therefore, they will remember this reaction with ease and be unforgettable.
Admittly, theories from classes are indeed of importance, they will enable us to have a logical and critical thinking ability. But, as what we are discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the positive influence of extracurriculars exceeds academics. Thus, I cannot share the argument that organizations and activities are the same important as academics.
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-6-4 00:40
applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-3 23:29
06.03 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organizat ...
睡前改一发，羡慕LZ当晚写完的行动力（泪目啊泪目）
With technology develops dramatically in the society, government has placed more emphasis（emphases） on education than ever before. Accompanying with this phenomenon, here is the heated issue that a proportion of persons agree that the impact of organizations and activities students take part in are akin to（我……查字典了……） academic class. From my perspective, however, they underestimate the importance of the extracurriculars.
To begin with, students can obtain well-rounded personalities no matter participating in organization or activities(没大看懂，是无论参加什么组织或活动吗？哎，whichever the organizations or activities they participate in? ). There is no denying that taking part in a basketball team will enhance youngsters' ability of collaborating（teamwork ability?商业上这么用可能好一点）. And it is evident that participating in a technology team can not only stimulate students' creativity but also prompt their manipulative（要给跪了） capability. Those are essential components in terms of teenagers' growth. However,knowledge from the books cannot provide students with these capabilities.
On the other hand, youngsters' may make good even best friends with those who have the same interesting respects in extracurriculars while learning at（in） class fails to accommodate this. Students share not only their delighted things such as winning a game but also the grief ones mutually. A recent survey conducted by Peking University illustrates that sharing myraid(啥？) of feelings facilitate the formation of relationships.
Last but not least, students can put theories which are learned in class into practice by doing experiment. This progress will be imposing(其实我意思木有看懂，假如是说这一进步是被强加的（好别扭，一定是我理解有差），impose要被动？) so that students are unlikely to forget. For example, if students are told that making NaHco3 react with Hcl will generate a kind of gas called Co2, they would be hard-pressed to imagine what was going on. But whey they exerted the experiment by themselves, they saw bubbles coming from the glass tube which is immerjiecised in the water. Therefore, they will remember this reaction with ease and be unforgettable(ORZ......大神……干嘛不把Na直接扔水里咩，反应超明显，顺便也好写
——我只开玩笑的).
Admittly, theories from classes are indeed of importance, they will enable us to have a logical and critical thinking ability. But, as what we are discussed（have discussed） above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the positive influence of extracurriculars exceeds academics. Thus, I cannot share the argument that organizations and activities are the same important as academics.
评论：
1. 膜拜词汇量！大神！送串干肉磕个头你收了我吧~~~~~~
2. 介词和偶尔一些时态，估计是写顺手了木怎么看就习惯性出来了吧……
写作文写得像肠梗的人真是不能想象这种思路通畅……
3. 总论点：不同意观点：课外活动和课上学术一样重要，应该是更重要（……好神奇，突然跟我的思路扭了……）
分论点：1. 参加活动可以提升全面素质，仅仅上课不够（恩，同意）；2. 课外活动能交到志趣相投的朋友（哦……可以，但是跟课上木有对比啊）；3. 做实验能将理论付诸实践（这个啊……做实验不是academic class吗？课外好像是“organizations和activities club”是指社团类的东西吧……觉得最后一个跑了）
小结：句子漂亮，用词很漂亮！（红果果地殴打小盆友！）唯一美中不足是最后一个论点，在我的神逻辑里实在找不到联系点。
谢谢~~~~~
我的写好估计比较晚，尽量努力哈！
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-4 22:25
06.04 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
大學生是否不必到學校上課，只要參加考試就行了?
Some people may claim that college students are merely taking part in the exams and there is no need for students to go to class. From my perspective, they are definitely failling to take some reasons as I give below account.
To begin with, the essential core of the tertiary-level education is not to teach students how to obtain high scores and foster youth to be a test-oriented person. It is supposed to cultivate youngsters to be well-rounded individuals at both phiscal and mental respects. Actually, there is no doubt that students who are solely adept in taking exams is meaningless. Because once they encountered a problem in reality, they still cannot grapple with it. To fulfill the goal of schooling, teenagers have to attend class regularly and interact with professors mutually at class.
To say the least, in the light of the statement that gaining high scores is the kernel of education, students should attend classes more. Teachers are well-acquainted with the law of the test, in other words, they have a good mastery about what is the point and what is not. They also impart students which parts should be proficient in. Armed with these information, students can acheive their ideal grades.
Last but not least, that students go to class indiscriminately not only makes university's management with ease but prevents youngsters from commiting effectively. Managers are aware of the number and names of truants clearly. Without taking class makes possible teenagers go astray even commit crimes. Boys wiill be indulged in playing computer games such as Couter-Strike all day and night, while girls will dedicate numerous time on going shopping or making up. What was worse, some of them will participate in a criminal group like stealling purpses on the public transportation or robbing jewelry on the street. Therefore, it is a necessity for students go to class.
In conclusion, students attend class can retain moral values education and techniques of achieving high scores even protect themselves to some extent, thus, I share the agrument that teenagers should go to class.
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-4 22:26
anafkn 发表于 2013-6-4 00:40
睡前改一发，羡慕LZ当晚写完的行动力（泪目啊泪目）
With technology develops dramatically in the soci ...
拼错了~~myriad 那个imposing可以有“印象深刻的”意思~~
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-5 19:22
06.04 Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement?
大學生是否不必到學校上課，只要參加考試就行了?
Some people may claim that college students are merely taking part in the examsand there is no need for students to go to class. From my perspective, they aredefinitely failling（failing） to take some reasonsas I give below account.
To begin with, the essential core of the tertiary-level education(tertiary college) is not toteach students how to obtain high scores and foster youth to be a test-orientedperson. It is supposed to cultivate youngsters to be well-rounded individualsat both phiscal(physical) and mental respects. Actually, there is nodoubt that students whoare solely adept in taking exams is meaningless(这句话有问题，你简化一下，会变成students are meaningless,错误的表达，学生不能无意义，而且我知道你要表达的意思是学生的这种行为是meaningless，可以改成just being adept in…..ismeaningless for students’ self improvement). Because once theyencountered a problem in reality, they still cannot grapple with it. To fulfillthe goal of schooling, teenagers have to attend class regularly and interactwith professors mutually at class.
To say the least, in the light of the statement that gaining high scores is thekernel of education, students should attend classes more. Teachers arewell-acquainted with the law of the test, in other words, they have a goodmastery about what is the point and what is not. They also impart studentswhich parts should be proficient in. Armed with these information, students canachieve(achieve) theirideal grades.
Last but not least, that students go to class indiscriminately not only makesuniversity's management with ease but also(最好不要省) prevents youngsters from commitingeffectively. Managers are aware of the number and names of truants clearly.Without taking class makes it possible that teenagers go astray even commit crimes. Boys will(will)be indulged in playing computer games such as Couter-Strike all day and night,while girls will dedicate numerous time on going shopping or making up. What was(is时态前后一致) worse, some of themwill participate in a criminal group like stealling(不要双写l) purpses(你是想写purpose吗？) on thepublic transportation or robbing jewelry on the street. Therefore, it is anecessity for students go to class.
In conclusion, students attend class can retain moral values education andtechniques of achieving high scores even protect themselves to some extent,thus, I share the agrument（argument） that teenagersshould go to class.
有一些模板的痕迹，小错误也比较多，应该避免。然后我觉得说理也不够充分，有点单薄，不知道怎么展开说理的话，可以举例子辅助说理。
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-5 22:11
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-6-5 19:22
06.04 Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement?
大學生是否不必到學校上課，只要參加考試 ...
恩 有几处拼写错误 还有学生意义那个 写快没发现到
1.其余几个都没错误 2.不是想写purpose 3.至于模板？好吧。。。都自己写的==
怎么说呢 字数确实不够强悍~~加油吧~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-6 17:38
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.
Rich as our country is, the qualities of our living are by no means satisfactory. Because the environment we live is suffering deterioration irreversiblely. Even though certain people are supposing that economic development is superior to environmental concerns. I, however, do not agree with this statement. Reasons I give following to judge for yourselves.
On no account should we ignore the siginificancy of the surroundings we live in. On the other word, we cannot emphasize the importance of protecting our surroundings. We, human beings, various flora and fauna, are dedicating all our lifetime on this planet. Not only eat but sleep are related to the existance of the earth. If we humankind put a strain on the circumstances, the victims of the consequence will be involved in many species. For instance, as myriad of factories discharge carbon dioxide into the air, the pace of global warming is accelerating, leading to ices in the Arctic pole have melted faster than ever before. Therefore, the polar bears in the north pole are not permitted to preying seals on the ice land by natural condition. Also are coral reefs in the ocean which are sensitive to the temperature range. That once they died in huge number became the headline news of USA today. In terms of we human, the China Daily once reported that lung cancer in Beijing has improved by 38 percent and the air pollution is the exactly the culprit. Indeed, we can see pedestrains in growing number are wearing respiratory masks. And counless persons are going to hostipal for their respiratory diseases.
On the other hand, only concerning the economic growth by ignoring the circumstance will lead to a consequence which is betray the original purpose of why we develop the economy. As is known to us, money can accomodate all our material needs such as cars and houses etc. so we can live better. Hence in our mind we format the logic that we are supposed to fuel the economy as soon as possible even in price of environment. But do we actually consider what will be next? We distory the surroundings and we get lots of diseases which we even fail to call their names. We spend huge sums of money living in hospital. Are the money we earning by price of environment just to send us in hostipals by living high-end wards? Then, what is the meaning for us to do these?
Last but not least, economic development is based on the enviroment. It is an attachment of environment. For example, without trees we will fail to make paper which is made from trees. So the industry of making people will break down. Also the agriculture depends on the marine products will not be existed if the malmals like dolphines in the ocean are die out because of the poisoned food which are polluted by sewages discharged by factories.
In conclusion, the impact of economic growth are fail to exceed the environmental concerns. For sake of all lives on the planet and the quality of our life, we must take care of environment.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-6 20:53
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.
Rich as our country is, the qualities of our living are by no meanssatisfactory. Because the environment we live is suffering deterioration irreversiblely(irreversibly). Eventhough certain people are supposing that economic development is superior toenvironmental concerns. I, however, do not agree with this statement. Reasons I give following to judgefor yourselves.(这句话的表达我觉得有点奇怪，是不是没有谓语？还是是特殊的结构？)
On no account should we ignore the siginificancy（significance） of the surroundings we live in. Onthe other word, we cannot emphasize the importance of protecting oursurroundings(more你应该是想说我们要重视环境保护，如果没有more，表达的是相反的意思). We, human beings, various flora and fauna, are dedicating（我觉得不要用进行时） all our lifetime on this planet. Notonly eat（eating） but sleep are related to the existance (existence) of the earth. If wehumankind put a strain on the circumstances, the victims of the consequencewill be involved in many species. For instance, as myriad of factoriesdischarge carbon dioxide into the air, the pace of global warming is accelerating（我觉得不要用进行时）, leading to ices in the Arctic pole have melted(不要用完成时态) faster than everbefore. Therefore, the polar bears in the north pole are not permitted topreying seals on the ice land by natural condition. Also are coralreefs in the ocean which are sensitive to the temperature range. That once theydied in huge number became the headline news of USA today. In terms of wehuman, the China Daily once reported that lung cancer in Beijing has improvedby 38 percent and the air pollution is the exactly the culprit. Indeed, we cansee pedestrains（pedestrians） in growing number arewearing respiratory masks in growing number(状语放前面意思不对). And counless（countless） persons are going to hostipal (hospital) fortheir respiratory diseases.
On the other hand, only concerning the economic growth by ignoring the circumstancewill lead to a consequence which is betray the original purpose of why wedevelop the economy. As is known to us, money can accomodate (accommodate)allour material needs such as cars and houses etc. so we can live better. Hence inour mind we format the logic that we are supposed to fuel the economy as soonas possible even in price of environment. But do we actually consider what willbe next? We distory(destroy) the surroundings and we get lots ofdiseases which we even fail to call their names. We spend huge sums of moneyliving in hospital. Are the money we earning by price of environment just tosend us in hostipals (hospital)by living high-end wards? Then, what is themeaning for us to do these?
Last but not least, economic development is based on the environment(environment). It is anattachment of environment. For example, without trees we will fail to makepaper which is made from trees. So the industry of making people will breakdown. Also the agriculture depends on the marine products will not be existedif the malmals(mammals) like dolphines (dolphins)in the ocean are dieout because of the poisoned food which are polluted by sewages discharged byfactories.
In conclusion, the impact of economic growth are fail to exceed theenvironmental concerns. For sake of all lives on the planet and the quality ofour life, we must take care of environment.
单词的拼写错误比较多，这样子考场上是会扣很多分的，因为是比较低级的错误，时态上个人也觉得用得比较混乱，很多时候直接用一般现在时或者一般过去时就可以了，因为有一些地方是客观事实，或者有一些地方的单词不能用进行时态，还有一些地方前后时态不一致或者错乱。在句子的构造方面也有问题，状语的位置，主谓宾结构什么的都要注意，不然会造成歧义。文章整体逻辑性也有待加强，第一段理由都在说环境破坏带来的后果，但是没有与经济发展进行比较，突出环境对人类影响更大。不过这是比较深层次的不足，可以暂时忽略，慢慢来。楼主如果是限时写出来的，又不急着考试的话，我建议接下来的几篇文章先不要限时写，尽量把这些不该犯的错误避免。加油~~~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-6 22:42
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-6-6 20:53
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important th ...
1.恩 是没有谓语 不是特殊结构
2.不是more。。 too much写忘了
3.单词拼写。。。。好吧 哎
4.恩 第一点第一句就是on no account... 但确实是点明下economy更好
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-7 19:07
06.06 Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
As is known to us, we are educated that we are supposed to be a successful person by not only teachers but also parents in our childhood. But how we do to succeed? Hence, this question triggers the heated issue that one should be more like others than be different from others to succeed. From my perspective, those who hold the opinion fail to analyze the problem proroundly, which should be discussed case-by-case.
To begin with, let us take doctors for example. Doctors are obliged to cure diseses even save lives for people. And in terms of how to trait patients for illness, they have a regular way to cope with it. When a sufferer get a cancer such as a gastric cancer, surgeons will do a operation to carve the stomach organ for him/her. They cannot deal with this problem by an alternative choose like taking medicines. Also, a physician will make a prescription when he/she has a patient who just get a gastritis. Under this circumstance operation is not a necessity. On the other hand, Lawyer is the same case with this. When a lawyeer defend for his/her defense, all he/she has to abide by is the legestigation, such as the constitution or the criminal law. What they say and behavior are a procedure, they cannot do this by their way. Thus, those persons should be act more like others if they want to be a distinguished doctor or lawyer.
Next, when it comes to technology realms, it will be a different situation. As an old cliche that technology needs creativity. Actually it does. The Sumsung mobilephone company is a good example to illustrate this. It is evident that Sumsung mobilephones were not fancy by the market in the past while Nokia was the prevailed one, although they both use Sybian. But when Android was developed by Sumsung things has changed dramatically. People in increasing number are using Sumsung phones, leading Nokia be a flash in the pan. Drawing from the experience we can conclude that companies in technology domains need innovation. Also this can be applied to the entertainment circle. Lady Gaga, an American girl, is favored with wearing weird constume which is serevely different from others. And now, she has the biggest fans in the twitter even in the world. Therefore, those need to be different to suceed.
In conclusion, considering all the conditions comprehensively, it is safe to say that success hinges on what the jobs we do.
作者: cquzyr 时间: 2013-6-7 21:36
As is known to us, we are educated that we are supposed to be a successful person by not only teachers but also parents in our childhood. But how we do to succeed? Hence, this question triggers the heated issue that one should be more like others than be different from others to succeed. From my perspective, those who hold the opinion fail to analyze the problem pro-roundly（是想说profoundly吗？）, which should be discussed case-by-case.To begin with, let us take doctors for example. Doctors are obliged to cure diseses（diseases） even save lives for people. And in terms of how to trait patients for illness, they have a regular way to cope with it. When a sufferer get a cancer such as a gastric cancer, surgeons will do a（an） operation to carve the stomach organ for him/her. They cannot deal with this problem by an alternative choose like taking medicines. Also, a physician will make a prescription when he/she has a patient who just get a gastritis. Under this circumstance operation is not a necessity. On the other hand, Lawyer is the same case with this. When a lawyeer（lawyer） defend for his/her defense, all he/she has to abide by is the legestigation, such as the constitution or the criminal law. What they say and behavior are a procedure, they cannot do this by their way. Thus, those persons should be act more like others if they want to be a distinguished doctor or lawyer.Next, when it comes to technology realms, it will be a different situation. As an old cliche that technology needs creativity. Actually it does. The Sumsung mobile phone company is a good example to illustrate this. It is evident that Sumsung mobile phones were not fancy by the market in the past while Nokia was the prevailed one, although they both use Sybian. But when Android was developed by Sumsung things has changed dramatically. People in increasing number are using Sumsung phones, leading Nokia be a flash in the pan. Drawing from the experience we can conclude that companies in technology domains need innovation. Also this can be applied to the entertainment circle. Lady Gaga, an American girl, is favored with wearing weird constume（costume） which is serevely（severely） different from others. And now, she has the biggest fans in the twitter even in the world. Therefore, those need to be different to suceed.In conclusion, considering all the conditions comprehensively, it is safe to say that success hinges on what the jobs we do.
作者: cquzyr 时间: 2013-6-7 21:38
cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-7 21:36
As is known to us, we are educated that we are supposed to be a successful person by not only teache ...
我只简单改了一下错误的单词，因为觉得有点跑题。题目问的是 agree or disagree ……不过文章的例证是很不错的。只是最好一边倒？
作者: cquzyr 时间: 2013-6-7 21:46
还有结尾段还是写多一点比较好吧？
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-7 21:52
apple,帮我改作文哦~~~~~~~~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-7 22:47
cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-7 21:38
我只简单改了一下错误的单词，因为觉得有点跑题。题目问的是 agree or disagree ……不过文章的例证是很 ...
。。。。。。。。。。。。没啥 服你了 可以折中
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-7 22:48
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-6-7 21:52
apple,帮我改作文哦~~~~~~~~~
恩 在改了
作者: cquzyr 时间: 2013-6-8 16:12
applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-7 22:47
。。。。。。。。。。。。没啥 服你了 可以折中
啊不好意思，我刚刚开始准备……所以不太清楚。我再改一次好了。
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-8 23:39
cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-8 16:12
啊不好意思，我刚刚开始准备……所以不太清楚。我再改一次好了。
没事 算了吧
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-7-30 23:06
07.30 综合 tpo23
As the reading passage says that the reasons for decllining of number of the yellow cedars, the professor disagrees with them from three respective aspects.
First, the lecture indicates that cedars are more resistant than other trees, and they can secrete posional chemicals which can kill the beetles eating the cedars. This is intradicted to the reading that the insect parasites especially the cedar bark beetle contribute to the decreasion of cedars.
Second, cedar trees are both domicated the mainland and island through the passage, but the island which no bear exists is also experiencing the declinion of the cedars, illustrating the bears are having nothing to do with the situation of the cedars.
third, the passage illustrates that the climate changes the number of cedars. And it says the yellow cedar are more sensitive now and they cannot stand with the cold weather so they are dead in the night. Therefore, the trees live in a higher which has a cold condition are easier to die than the trees in lower positions which has a warm weather. However, the fact is trees in lower situation are die more than those in the higher place. Thus, the climate are not responsible for the phenomenon which was refered in the passage.
求狠批！！
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-7-31 16:57
07.31 TPO21 综合
In the reading part the genetically modified trees are more excellent than other speices of trees. But in the lecture the professor gives three reasons to contradict the point referring in the reading.
First, the passage says that the genetically modified trees are more resistant to serious conditions like pest than other kinds of trees, so they are able to survive. The professor in the lecture points out that the normal various trees which are unmodified have the diverse genes, so there must be certain speices can prevent from being hurted if they meet different kinds of serious situations such as the new pest or the changing of climate. However, the genetic modification make gene of the trees very uniform, so they can only be resistant to the ones having the specific gene. If these trees are suffering a intrusion of a new pest owning the new gene, they will be not able to survive and die out finally.
Second, the lecture says that the cost of genetically modified trees are higher than those non-modified trees. On one hand, the price of the seeds of modified trees will be higher than the non-modifed ones. On the other hand, when finishing buying seeds, the farmers are still need to give money to the companies everytime they planted becase the law has regulated this. Therefore, from the cost aspect, the genetically modified trees are not better than the unmodified trees.
Third, the professor illustrates that the genetically modified trees are growing more aggressively than wild trees. Hence, they will be compete for resources like sunlight and water which are also needed by wild trees, making wild trees die out. Thus, this is exactly opposite to the point of reading part.
作者: heys 时间: 2013-7-31 21:15
楼主不好意思，我重新改了一遍，收回我的错误观点···不好意思···
As the reading passage says that the reasons for decllining of number of the yellow cedars, 第一句读起来有点别扭，that后面接从句，但是你的从句只有一个名词成分在里面，没有谓语，如果你要表达的是 文章说表明了几个观点，that 就该去掉，而且觉得says也不太好，改成states吧，如果你用instructor的话后面接says还差不多the professor disagrees with them这个them指的是passage还是passage的reasons，一般都是不同意观点，质疑理由吧，这个有待讨论 from three respective aspects.
First, the lecture indicates that cedars are more resistant than other trees, and they can secrete posional 有毒的好像是poisonous,你是这个意思么chemicals which can kill the beetles eating the cedars. This is intradicted这个单词没有查到，是要表达对立的意思吗，是contradict to the reading that the insect parasites especially the cedar bark beetle contribute to the decreasion decrease本来就可以当做名词，减少的意思，没有你那种写法的of cedars.
Second, cedar trees are both domicated这个又是什么意思我猜不到了 the mainland and island through the passage, but the island whichwhere,exist不及物，用关系副词 no bear exists is also experiencing the declinion注意拼写 of the cedars, illustrating the bears are having nothing to do with the situation of the cedars.哪些是文中观点，哪些是听力观点最好说明
third, the passage illustrates that the climate changes the number of cedars. And it says the yellow cedar trees are more sensitive now and they cannot stand当忍受讲时STAND及物，后面不用加介词 (with) the cold weather so they are dead in the night. Therefore, the trees live in a higher 没有先行词? which has a cold condition are easier to die than the trees in lower positions which has a warm weather.这个分句的话，首先cold跟condition好像一般不这么搭配，可以说low temperature,后面的话weather不可数，所以a应该去掉，同时weather表示一个地方的气候，这里用来说山脚山顶的温度差不合适 However, the fact is that trees in lower situationlower situation是什么situation are die more than those in the higher place. 估计听清了，但是没有表达清楚，这样很可惜···Thus, the climate are人称和数要一致，用ISnot responsible for the phenomenon which was referred in the passage.
呃···楼主你说狠狠批的，有些话说重了不要生我的气啊~
都是为了你好嘛，再说我也没有恶意的，不都是为了进步嘛，你说是吧~
如果这是楼主你的真实水平的话，真的要好好加油了哦~
首先，单词好好背，顺带着短语搭配也一起看看
然后是认真组织句子回答问题，不然因为语法错误失分真的很可惜
最后，唉，其实我也水平一般般啦，有些意见只供参考的，楼主千万不要因为我自信心受打击啊···你还是很不错的，相信自己····
共勉咯~加油~！
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-7-31 21:52
heys 发表于 2013-7-31 21:15
As the reading passage says that the reasons for decllining of number of the yellow cedars, 第一句读 ...
改得很细致 很好 谢谢
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-7-31 22:02
heys 发表于 2013-7-31 21:15
As the reading passage says that the reasons for decllining of number of the yellow cedars, 第一句读 ...
补充个吧 你说的两点理由我看听力原文了 没说错 你自己再看看吧 应该是你的理解出了问题
作者: heys 时间: 2013-7-31 22:14
applesoforever 发表于 2013-7-31 22:02
补充个吧 你说的两点理由我看听力原文了 没说错 你自己再看看吧 应该是你的理解出了问题 ...
哦哦~那就是我听错了，不好意思哦````囧大了····
作者: lijinglol 时间: 2013-8-1 11:00
蓝色是建议修改，紫色是强烈建议修改，有什么不妥请指出><~
In the reading part(the reading material illustrate that) the genetically modified trees are more excellent than other speices of trees. But in the lecture the professor gives three reasons to contradict the point referring in the reading.
First, the passage says that the genetically modified trees are more resistant to serious conditions like pest(pests/pest invasions) than other kinds of trees, so they are (more likely)able to survive. The professor in the lecture points out that the normal various trees which are unmodified(个人认为这个修饰多余) have the diverse genes, so there must be certain speices（individuals /species指整个物种吧，而且听力里用的是individual） can prevent（escape） from being hurted if they meet（can handle） different kinds of serious situations such as the new pest or the changing of climate(climate change). However, the genetic modification make gene of the trees very uniform, so they can only be resistant to the ones having the specific gene. If these trees are suffering a intrusion of a new pest owning the new gene, they will be not able to survive and die out finally.（这两句话有点啰嗦，完全可以合并成一句，突出“会被一种灾难全部灭杀”就可以了）
Second, （contrary to the reading,）the lecture says that the cost of genetically modified trees are (actually) higher than those (of )non-modified trees. On one hand, the price of the seeds of modified trees will be higher than the non-modifed ones. On the other hand, when finishing buying seeds, the farmers are(will) still need to give money to the companies everytime they planted becase the law has regulated this(so). Therefore, from the cost aspect, the genetically modified trees are not better than the unmodified trees.
Third, the professor illustrates that the genetically modified trees are growing more aggressively than wild trees. Hence, they will be compete(听力里是outcomplete 言简意赅) for resources like sunlight and water which are also needed by wild trees, making wild trees die out. Thus, this is exactly opposite to the point of reading part.
显得有点头重脚轻，下次试试让三段的体积均衡起来~第一段偏啰嗦，第三段太过简洁，可以尝试在第三段加入更多听力的推理过程，或者阅读观点的简单陈述。还要注意一些小错误呀>,<~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-1 22:09
lijinglol 发表于 2013-8-1 11:00
蓝色是建议修改，紫色是强烈建议修改，有什么不妥请指出>,
climate change..
恩 改得很好 谢了
马上帮你改~
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-8-27 08:13
apple, 你的TPO19呢？？？
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-27 21:31
sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-27 08:13
apple, 你的TPO19呢？？？
忘了。。。抱歉。。。马上写！！！
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-27 22:51
tpo 19 综合
The buzzers should be banned in the reading passage, but the speaker in the listening part disagrees the reading from three different perspectives.
Frist, the man points out that the buzzers are tell the truth when facing with consumers. In other words, uzzers will not lie to consumers even if they take the money from the company. Also, the company are only hiring the ones who indeed used their product and think their product is acutually good wholeheartly. This is constracted with the reading passage that buzzers will mislead clients with incorrect information about the product only because they took money from the company.
Second, the student in the listening part states that the fact that clients will not trust buzzers instead of trusting buzzers which refered in the reading part. The clients will ask the buzzers many questions such as the price of the commodity and the service about it, also they ask how long they are able to use the goods. If the buzzers cannot answer one of questions, the customers will not buy the product.
Third, as the reading part points out the buzzers will make people mistrust with each other. The student in the listening passage points out that if the commodity does not bear a good quality, then the company can not hire a buzzer to announce it. In other words, the quality of the products that buzzers annouced are good, so if the clients purchase the products, they will have a great experience, making them develop more trust with buzzers. Thus, they will open heart to people.
In conclusion, the man in the listening part states his opinion which is opposed to the reading part.
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-27 22:52
sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-27 08:13
apple, 你的TPO19呢？？？
写好了~~~狠批啊亲！！！
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-8-27 23:21
applesoforever 发表于 2013-8-27 22:52
写好了~~~狠批啊亲！！！
tpo 19 综合
The buzzers should be banned in the reading passage（这句是不是有些太突兀了，如果改成the reading passage suggests that the buzzers should be banned会不会好些）, but the speaker in the listening part disagrees with the reading from three different perspectives.
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
Frist, the man points out that the buzzers are tell（tell) the truth when facing with（去掉） consumers. In other words, uzzers（buzzers) will not lie to consumers even if they take the money from the company. Also, the company are only hiring(only hires) the ones who indeed have used their product and thought their product is acutually good wholeheartly. This is constracted(contradicts) with the reading passage that buzzers will mislead clients with incorrect information about the product only because they took(take) money from the company.
Second, the student(不是student而是buzzer) in the listening part states that the fact that clients will not trust buzzers instead of trusting buzzers which refered in the reading part. The clients will ask the buzzers many questions such as the price of the commodity and the service about it, also they ask how long they are able to use the goods. If the buzzers cannot answer one of questions, the customers will not buy the product.
Third, as the reading part points out the buzzers will make people mistrust with each other. The student in the listening passage points out that if the commodity does not bear a good quality, then the company can not hire a buzzer to announce it. In other words, the quality of the products that buzzers annouced are good, so if the clients purchase the products, they will have a great experience, making them develop more trust with buzzers. Thus, they will open heart to people.
In conclusion, the man in the listening part states his opinion which is opposed to the reading part.
小结：赶脚lapple的语法和时态有些不稳，需要加把劲，另外某些points某有听出来，建议apple听完之后对下listening的原文，并搞清楚哪部分是关键点。
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-27 23:33
sherlock1992 发表于 2013-8-27 23:21
tpo 19 综合
The buzzers should be banned in the reading passage（这句是不是有些太突兀了，如果改成 ...
谢谢~~~
哪点木有听出来？？？望点明哈~~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-8-28 11:43
applesoforever 发表于 2013-8-27 22:51
tpo 19 综合
The buzzers should be banned in the reading passage, but the speaker in the listening p ...
第二点中消费者在面对buzzers时clear和怀疑的态度没写出来。。。只是用了一个词“不信任”带过 恩 注意 其余的思考了下 应该没啥问题 #自评#
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-9-5 16:45
tpo7 综合 晚上写
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