ChaseDream
标题: 前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！ [打印本页]
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-10 19:24
标题: 前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！
决定加入作文小分队，好好练托福作文，3月30 号一战！希望大家多多帮助~尽情地指出我的各种错误和不足吧！！拜谢啊！
3月30一战25，6.15二战25分，我又要三战了！求狠批！求突破！谢谢大家了~
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-11 14:43
3.10独立写作
第一次练作文，打字也还没练好，所以不是计时写的，可能写得有点多，希望大家多给点意见！非常感谢！
People almost make decision everyday even every minute. and making decision can be a very difficult progress for some people so that they often ask someone else to make decision for them. But as my point of view, no matter what the decision concerns about, it will always be better to make decision by ourselves. Why it comes that?
As far as I am concerned, making decision is a reflection of someone's responsibility for themselves and can show the independence of them. To be a mature adult, we must learn to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for the coming results. If we always rely on other people to tell us what we should choose, we will lost our own mind and lost the ability to think dependently. We can see that in china, a lot of high IQ students walk in the colleges, they can do great work in their studying but they always have big problems in making decision, because in the past of their life, their parents, teachers and other "experienced" people play the role of decision maker in their life. As soon as they leave the shcool, come to their woking position, they perform as if they were a child. They cannot take their decision maker with them, and they cannot make decision for themselves along. What a terrible thing it is!
Except that, everyone is a special person in the world. We definitely have different knowledge, diverse experiences and sorts of opinions about one thing. We are the person who know about ourselves best and be able to make the most appropriate decision for ourselves this second. Other people can hardly know every aspect about us, and they can never know how significant the missing point is for the final decision. When one of my best friend come to the minute to choose the subject to major in, her parents make the decision for her from kind heart, they think my friend have the ability to learn it well and can get a better life from it. But they ignore my friend's interest, and interests always become the best teacher. At the end of the story, she has no passion about what she learns and always be unhappy about it.
In conclusion, I insist that we must learn to make decision by ourselves from every small thing. We can ask for some advices from others, but we must be the one to make the final decision. Even we made a wrong decision, we can learn from it and avoid making the same mistake next time. Otherwise, we will never grow up and become an independent person.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-12 14:44
3.11独立写作
With the rapid development of television technology, more and more people devote most of their leg time to watching television where they think can get better information and knowledge than books. It can be ignore that television now become a new resource of learning new things, however when compared with books, books are definitely give us more to learn as I consider.
It is known to all of us that books always contain profound though that can lead us to think about the meaning of life and encourage us to seek for a better life while most television only put entertainment shows only for people's laugh. The Old Man and The Sea is one of my favorite books, I always remember that Hemingway teachs us that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeated. But when I think about television, the reality show always come to my mind at the first second, I can only remember the funny part though it is a good program. What's more, there are many TV program not suited for young man to watch.
Besides that, books can inspire our limitless imagination because it only depict the beautiful scene and complex characters by words, leave lot of space for us to imagine or to guess. AS old saying goes, a thousand people will have a thousand Hamlets in their heart. On the contrary, television can give people this kind of chance to have different feelings and understanding over one people or one thing.
Furthermore, books can help people to search the knowledge that we want to know. However, television does not have this function. Oxford dictionary is not unfamiliar for most of us, specially English learners. When we don't recognize some new words and have problems in using some words, we often refer to this book. We can put it in our bag, so we can use it in anytime almost everywhere, what television cannot do for us.
Above all, I always believe that books is the best learning resource for us, most of our knowledge comes from them. I strongly recommend that people don't just addict to television, we should spend more time on books, the more we read, the more we get.
作者: lihaolan 时间: 2013-3-13 13:24
With the rapid development of television technology, more and more people devote most of their leg time（leisure time 吧我没有看过leg time 求解）to watching television where they think can get better information and knowledge than books. It can be（可以忽略？笔误吧！）ignore that television now become a new resource of learning new things, however when compared with books, books are definitely give（这种错误少犯）us more to learn as I consider.
It is known to all of us that books always contain profound though that can lead us to think about the meaning of life and encourage us to seek for a better life while most television only puts entertainment shows only for people's laugh. The Old Man and The Sea is one of my favorite books, I always remember that Hemingway teachs us that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeated（the saying that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeatedalways lingers in my mind）. But when I think about television, the reality show always comes to my mind at the first second, I can only remember the funny part though it is a good program. What's more, there are many TV program not suited for young man to watch.可以再写
Besides that, books can inspire our limitless imagination because it only depicts the beautiful scene and complex characters by words, leaving lot of space for us to imagine or to guess. AS old saying goes, a thousand people will have a thousand Hamlets in their heart. On the contrary, television can give people this kind of chance to have different feelings and understanding over one people or one thing.
Furthermore, books can help people to search the knowledge that we want to know. However, television does not have this function. Oxford dictionary is not unfamiliar for most of us, especially English learners. When we don't recognize some new words and have problems in using some words, we often refer to this book. We can put it in our bag, so we can use it in anytime almost everywhere, what television cannot do for us.
Above all, I always believe that books is（are） the best learning resource for us, most of our knowledge comes from them. I strongly recommend that people don't just addict to television, we should spend more time on books, the more we read, the more we get.
单复数！！！谓语动词注意，其他没什么问题
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-13 13:44
3.12独立
Nowadays, with the rapid development of society, people live with a faster life and are always surrounded by a plenty of things at the same period of time. Most people argue that they have limited energy and time so that they cannot do most of the tasks well when they have many things in their hands. However, I have different opinion about their argument.
First and foremost, the fact that some people can only do few things well shouldn’t owing to their busy works. A lot of other reasons can result that, such as bad time-control ability, limited knowledge to cope with their duties, or lacking of diligent. One of my busy professor, professor Liu, she has three curriculums to teach this semester, and take charge of an important research at our college. Besides her burden works, she also have a two years old baby to take care of. Although she is so busy to do with these things, it doesn’t affect her perfect performance in all of these areas. She take the responsibility to be a great teacher, she plays an important role in her research team, and definitely, she is a wonderful mother for her litter baby. According to this example, we cannot sat people not be able to do things well even when they are busy.
Furthermore, contrary to some people’s realization that people cannot distract their mind into doing two things, or they will focus on neither thing. As far as I am concerned, many problems can be saved at one time effectively. Suppose that you need to wash your clothes and watch the news on TV. But if you watch TV first, you won’t have enough time to wash clothes because you must go to school in 20 minutes, but if you wash clothes first, you will miss the news. How about watch news when you are washing clothes? Use your body to wash clothes and use your mind to accept the news.
In conclusion, it is very common that modern people live in city remains lots of work to finish all the time. People cannot ask for excuse when they don’t do things well for being busy. Otherwise, the family cannot live a regular life, company cannot get profit, and the government cannot keep the stability of country. After all, as what I said above, we can know that with a good plan and hardworking, people can do most things well even they are extremely busy.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-13 13:45
请问一下，黄色底色是什么意思啊？
作者: sylviazhang 时间: 2013-3-13 21:21
Nowadays, with the rapid development of society, people live with a faster life and are always surrounded by a plenty of things at the same period of time. Most people argue that they have limited energy and time so that they cannot do most of the tasks well when they have many things in their hands. However, I have different opinion about their argument.
First and foremost, the fact that some people can only do few things well shouldn’t owing to (should not do, 另外觉得这里用blame for因果关系更清楚) their busy works. A lot of other reasons can result in that, such as bad time-control ability, limited knowledge to cope with their duties, or lacking of diligent(deligence). One of my busy professor, professor Liu, she has three curriculums to teach this semester, and (while at the same time) takes charge of an important research at our college. Besides her burden works(burden不做形容词), she also have a two years old baby to take care of. Although she is so（quite） busy to do with these things, it doesn’t affect her perfect performance in all of these areas. She takes the responsibility to be a great teacher, she plays an important role in her research team, and definitely, she is a wonderful mother for her litter baby.(几个完整句子用分号连接) According to this example, we cannot sat people not be able to do things well even when they are busy.
Furthermore, contrary to some people’s realization that people cannot distract their mind into doing two things, or they will focus on neither thing.（病句，contrary to…，后面必跟反驳理由）As far as I am concerned, many problems can be saved at one time effectively. Suppose that you need to wash your clothes and watch the news on TV. But if you watch TV first, you won’t have enough time to wash clothes because you must go to school in 20 minutes, but if you wash clothes first, you will miss the news.（good example !）How about watch news when you are washing clothes? Use your body to wash clothes and use your mind to accept the news.(可以最后再加一句总结，thus, by wisely arranging the sequence of each task according to their priority, you can do many things efficiently within a short period of time，说理更完整)
In conclusion, it is very common that modern people who live in city remains lots of work to finish all the time.（病句，一个句子只能有一个动词）People cannot ask for excuse when they don’t do things well for being busy. Otherwise, the family cannot live a regular life, company cannot get profit, and the government cannot keep the stability of country. After all, as what I said above, we can know that with a good plan and hardworking, people can do most things well even they are extremely busy.
举例是亮点，但是长句能力有待加强，毕竟基础牢固才能锦上添花
作者: 第一二三只 时间: 2013-3-14 14:01
3.10修改，实在很抱歉啊！！！改的怎么晚。。。
People almost make decision everyday even every minute. and making decision can be a very(so) difficult progress for some people sothat they often ask someone else to make decision for them(直接用so that 句型感觉更好些). But as my point of view, no matter what the decision concerns about, it will always be better to make decision by ourselves. Why it comes that?
As far as I am concerned, making decision is a reflection of someone's responsibility for themselves and can show the independence of them. To be a mature adult, we must learn to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for the coming results. If we always rely on other people to tell us what we should choose, we will lost（lose） our own mind and lost the ability to think (in)dependently. We can see that in china, a lot of high IQ students walk in the colleges, theycan(walk & can do 都是谓语动词，不能共存于同一句中吧) do great work in their studying but they always have big problems in making decision, because in the past of their life, their parents, teachers and other "experienced" people play the role of decision maker in their life. As soon as they leave the shcool(school), come（改为分词coming） to their woking position, they perform as if they were a child. They cannot take their decision maker with them, and they cannot(可以省略) make decision for themselves along. What a terrible thing it is!
Except that, everyone is a special person in the world. We definitely have different knowledge, diverse experiences and sorts of opinions about one thing. We are the person who know about ourselves best and be able to make the most appropriate decision for ourselves this second. Other people can hardly know every aspect about us, and they can never know how significant the missing point is for the final decision. （这里略微有一些过度就更好了）When one of my best friend come to the minute to choose the subject to major in, her parents make the decision for her from kind heart, they think my friend have the ability to learn it well and can get a better life from it. But they ignore my friend's interest, and interests always become the best teacher. At the end of the story, she has no passion about what she learns and always be unhappy about it.
In conclusion, I insist that we must learn to make decision by ourselves from every small thing. We can ask for some advices from others, but we must be the one to make the final decision. Even we made a wrong decision, we can learn from it and avoid making the same mistake next time. Otherwise, we will never grow up and become an independent person.
总体来说逻辑很清晰，论证的也很充分，我要好好向你学习！
语言方面我觉得可以词组搭配再丰富些，注意一下语法错误就更好了。
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-14 17:14
3.13独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In today’s world, the ability to cooperate well with others is more important than before.
Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion, I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.
To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t want to be the unique one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.
In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company. You have no idea whether next project you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.
In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost you chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-15 20:23
3.14
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
老师给学生自信比教专门知识更重要。
Nowadays, there is a hot discussion about whether teachers should take more attention to encouraging student to become confident or teach students more specific knowledge. Some people argue that it is teacher’s instinct to teach students as much knowledge as they can, because student will rely on their specific knowledge to make lives in the future. But as my point of view, teaching students to be confident is more important than delivering much knowledge to them.
On the one hand, people’ behavior is influenced by their complicated mind. It hence can be very important to let someone believe they can achieve something before they put energy and time to do that thing. Students now are become more and more smarter due to the better life and good living environment created by their parents. So, there is no doubt that every student has the ability to learn specific skills as long as they have confidence in it. My best friend Kate, who is a quiet clever and hardworking girl, has the problem that she never believes she can be the one outstanding, thus she always fails at the last step. My teacher Miss Lee had a talk with her about this, and in the following competition, she really did an excellent job. Do you realize the amazing power of confidence?
On the other hand, even if people get a lot of specific knowledge, only when he/she has the confidence that they can handle this project in front of them, can they use their knowledge and inspire their potential ability to get over their works. My older sister works in a big company, she graduate as an honored student from a famous university, and have no problem in finishing her work perfectly. But she never does it, owing to her lack of confidence. Recently, she has found out her problem and tried her best to make change gradually, and things became better these days.
Above all, have you admitted that teachers should take more time to teach student to be confident rather than teaching them plenty of knowledge all the time. What an obvious reasoning that many people know it but don’t definitely accept it. So, our teachers who work in the modern society should realize this problem and do their best to fix it.
作者: AYSS 时间: 2013-3-16 00:28
Nowadays, there is a hot discussion about whether teachers should take(pay) more attention to encouraging(encourage) student to become confident or teach students more specific knowledge. Some people argue that it is teacher’s instinct to teach students as much knowledge as they can, because student will rely on their specific knowledge to make lives in the future. But as my point of view, teaching students to be confident is more important than delivering much knowledge to them.
On the one hand, people’ behavior is influenced by their complicated mind. It hence(?) can be very important to let someone believe they can achieve something before(after) they put energy and time to do(in)that thing(it). Students now are become more and more smarter(smart) due to the better life and good living environment created by their parents. So, there is no doubt that every student has the ability to learn specific skills as long as they have confidence in it.(为什么生活环境好了，只要有信心就一定有学习能力，感觉不是因果关系，有些奇怪呢……) My best friend Kate, who is a quiet（quite） clever and hardworking girl, has the(a) problem that she never believes she can be the one outstanding, thus she always fails at the last step. My teacher Miss Lee had a talk with her about this(changing a person just via a talk?), and in the following competition, she really did an excellent job. Do you realize the amazing power of confidence?
On the other hand, even if people get a lot of specific knowledge, only when he/she has the confidence that they can handle this project in front of them, can they use their knowledge and inspire their potential ability to get over their works. My older sister works in a big company, she graduate(graduated)as an honored studentfrom a famous university(调换下位置读着更舒服), and have no problem in finishing her work perfectly. But she never does it（指代不明确）, owing to her lack of confidence. Recently, she has found out her problem and tried her best to make change gradually, and things became better these days.
Above all, have you admitted that teachers should take more time to teach student to be confident rather than teaching them plenty of knowledge all the time. What an obvious reasoning that many people know it but don’t definitely accept it. So, our teachers who work in the modern society should realize this problem and do their best to fix it.
全文读起来还是觉得有些平淡，多用些替换单词吧~~That’s all.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-16 16:01
3.15Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now influenced by many things outside home like television or movie.
Nowadays, many parents complain about their loss of control upon their children because of abundant outside material and information children get from TV, movies, magazines and so no. Is it really true about that? This complaint sparks the hot discussion. As far as I am concerned, due to the rapid development of media industry, children now have more and more accesses to different opinions that may affect their realization about many things, resulting parent’s difficulties in control their own child.
First of all, the past 20 years development of TV industry facilitates diverse programs, ranging from reality show to competition program. Most of them attract hundreds of youngest to watch, and have a great impact on them even over their parents’ education every day. My sister Kate, who was a very thoughtful girl focusing on her studying in order to realize her dream to go to a famous university in the past 10 years. After watching a very hot singing program, she made her mind to giving up her studying regardless her parent’s advices and tears. She was mad about the slogan that “everyone can sing”, however, she is very poor in sing skills and has no charming voice. Her parents lost the control of their daughter because of this TV show. And my sister may choose a difficult way blamed for this show.
In addition, research has been made that a lot of movies and computers games which contain fighting and blue information have caused a great increase in the crimes made by young children. Most of these children once be very lovely and smart and respect their parents so much, they can have wonderful future admired by many people. But what happened then? They addicted to computer games, escaped from school and told lies to parents for money. Some of them even resist to law, fighting with others according to the plot they learned from violence movies. Why these pities took place? Unhealthy computer activities and unlimited movies take the place of their parent, delivering bad idea to them. Parents have to win their children’s heart from outside competitors, and they failed in the battle almost every time.
In concludes, what an obvious atmosphere that parents have less control under their children recently? And it is greatly due to the influence of things outside home. People have to take this problem into consideration and find solutions to save it. Strengthening parents’ control under children has became a very urgent progress.
作者: lihaolan 时间: 2013-3-16 17:20
3.15Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now influenced by many things outside home like television or movie.
Nowadays, many parents complain about their loss of control upon their children because of abundant outside material and information children get from TV, movies, magazines and so no. Is it really true about that? This complaint sparks the hot(severe) discussion. As far as I am concerned, due to the rapid development of media industry, children now have more and more accesses to different opinions that may affect their realization about many things, resulting parent’s difficulties in control their own child.
First of all, the past 20 years development of TV industry facilitates diverse programs, ranging from reality show to competition program. Most of them attract hundreds of youngest to watch, and have a great impact on them even over their parents’ education every day. My sister Kate, who was a very thoughtful girl focusing on her studying in order to realize her dream to go to a famous university in the past 10 years. After watching a very hot singing program, she made her mind to giving up her studying regardless her parent’s advices and tears. She was mad about the slogan that “everyone can sing”,(这句话结束) however, she is very poor in sing skills and has no charming voice. Her parents lost the control of their daughter because of this TV show. And my sister may choose a difficult way blamed for this show.
In addition, research has been made that a lot of movies and computers games which contain fighting and blue information have caused a great increase in the crimes made by young children. Most of these children once be（are） very lovely and smart and respect their parents so much,（没连词记得断句） they can have wonderful future admired by many people. But what happened then? They addicted to computer games, escaped from school and told lies to parents for money. （时态）Some of them even resist to law, fighting with others according to the plot they learned from violence movies. Why these pities took place? Unhealthy computer activities and unlimited movies take the place of their parent, delivering bad idea to them. Parents have to win their children’s heart from outside competitors, and they failed in the battle almost every time.（时态统一！！！！！）
In concludes, what is an obvious atmosphere that parents have less control under their children recently? And it is greatly due to the influence of things outside home. People have to take this problem into consideration and find solutions to save it. Strengthening parents’ control under children has became（become） a very urgent progress.
时态！句子断句！其他没什么问题。
作者: AYSS 时间: 2013-3-16 20:10
In today’s world, the ability to cooperate well with others is more important than before.
Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion(my opinion is opposite), I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.
To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t(托福作文中最好不要出现缩写) want to be the unique(special会不会更好些？) one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned(isolated) by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.
In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company.(?) You have no idea whether(who will be the) next project(partner) you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.(应该是在没成为员工时候努力变得懂得合作吧，有了这种素质才能成为企业需要的人)
In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost(lose) you(your) chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.
文章构词还是略显simple，读起平淡，建议依旧如上篇~
文章句子应该简单明了，能用短句表达尽量不冗长~
本文还是缺少实例支撑，感觉读起摇摇欲坠~
That’s all~Fighting!
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-3-17 16:08
3.16Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To truly understand world event,we should get our news from newspaper;television cannot provide enough information.
Do you read newspaper every day, or watch TV every day to get oceans of news from all cross the world? Some people argue that they cannot get enough information they need just from TV program. However, others have opposite opinion about it. As my point of view, owing to the relative laws and regulations, the news program now is almost the basic program of every channel, and we can get equal mount even more amount of news from TV rather than newspaper.
On the one hand, TV programs collect news from all aspects of the world, and renew news even every second. It hence can provide the most instant and diverse kinds of news to us when we watch TV. We have the special CCTV NEWS channel which specializes in putting on news in different time period. It has the regular program such as The Morning News, and The Night News, which broadcast daily news from the beginning of the day to the midnight. The content is divided into local news and outside news, thus people can know the world much comprehensively. They even have special news program when some uncommon events happen. For instance, I watched this News channel every day for its Olympic Special Program during the Olympic mouth, and I got every sides of the Olympic news thanks to the TV.
On the other hand, how much time can you finish your newspapers that you are interested in? Half an hour? An hour? Or more than one hour? On the contrary, how much time you can spend on the TV news every day? Obviously, TV programs provide more news time for you than newspapers. Because of the limited pages and simple form of the newspaper, it must give up some information usually, and cannot express some news perfectly. In contrast to that, TV can deliver news more than ten hours a day, and allow us to hear the voice, read the passage, and look the picture. You can imagine how much information the TV can give us, and it is definitely more attracted to us than the dull newspapers.
Concluding the above reasons, I disagree that people must read the newspaper result from the limitless of TV news. We can choose different channels to get all kinds of news. This kind of news deliverer is faster and clearer than newspaper. We can count on the TV to get enough information.
应该还有用词单一的问题，但是短时间内我也不知道怎么改变，好像不是简单地背单词能解决的，可以给我点好建议吗？
作者: AYSS 时间: 2013-3-17 22:51
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To truly understand world event,we should get our news from newspaper;television cannot provide enough information.
Do you read newspaper every day, or watch TV every day to get oceans of news from all cross the world? Some people argue that they cannot get enough information they need just from TV program. However, others have(可以改成hold) opposite opinion about it. As my point of view, owing to the relative laws and regulations, the news program now is almost the basic program of every channel, and we can get equal mount or even more amount of news(information) from TV rather than newspapers.
On the one hand, TV programs collect news from all aspects(over) of the world, and evenrenew(update感觉顺些) news even every second. It hence can provide the most instant(latest) and diverse kinds of news to us when we watch TV. We have the special CCTV NEWS channel which specializes in putting on news in different time period. It has the regular program such as The Morning News, and The Night News, which broadcast daily news from the beginning of the day to the midnight(from sunup to sundown). The content is divided into local news and outside(overseas) news, thus people can know the world much comprehensively. They even have special news program when some uncommon events happen. For instance, I watched this News(the sport ) channel every day for its Olympic Special Program during the Olympic mouth, and I got every sides of the Olympic news thanks to the TV.
On the other hand, how much time can you finish your newspapers that you are interested in? Half an hour? An hour? Or more than one hour(even more)? On the contrary, how much time you can spend on the TV news every day? Obviously, TV programs provide more news time for you than newspapers.(前面说读报可能花费半个一小时，甚至更多，为什么突然转向信息量的多少呢？改成：Obtain news and information through watching TV can help us save more time than reading newspaper) Because of the limited pages and simple form of the newspaper, it must give up some information usually, and cannot express some news perfectly. In contrast to that, TV can deliver news more than ten hours a day, and allow us to hear the voice, read the passage, and look the picture. You can imagine how much information the TV can give us, and it is definitely more attracted to us than the dull newspapers.（感觉剩下的这部分和你这段的开头思路对不上呢~当然个人感觉~请亲酌情修改咯~）
Concluding the above reasons, I disagree that people must read the newspaper result from the limitless of TV news. We can choose different channels to get all kinds of news. This kind of news deliverer is faster and clearer than newspaper. We can count on the TV to get enough information.
应该还有用词单一的问题，但是短时间内我也不知道怎么改变，好像不是简单地背单词能解决的，可以给我点好建议吗？
读下来这篇有刻意改变用词习惯的感觉~有些用法感觉还是不通畅，已在文中标注，并改换~构词方面的问题需要慢慢来~~多看些范文~找找感觉~That’s all！~Fighting！
作者: Tancyfox 时间: 2013-3-18 16:49
标题: 3月13 回复
Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce（intense可能好一些 ) competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion, I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.
To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more（is becomming ） and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea( 单复数或者冠词的问题)together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t want to be the unique one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.
In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company. You have no idea whether next project you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to(eager是adj) employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.
In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society（我懂你要说个什么意思，但是可以换个说法看看，这样有点chinglish）, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost you chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.(时态统一）
词汇很丰富呢， 有比较多的复杂句式，语法上问题也不多， 可以再注意一下上下文的链接和逻辑思路就更好啦
实在是不好意思吖，前面被老师拉去出差了，到现在才改
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-4 21:19
6.4独立
Recently, there is a more and more popular atmosphere dominating in the university that some of the student do not go to school to attend in their classes, but stay at home or do some other things they assume more important outside the school. Only when they need to take the exam to get their score will they come back to classroom. Is it an advance in university education and the self-studying ability of students or is it a lack of systematic charge under students and a kind of irresponsibility of students? Although I cannot judge it in such a high level, I still know that it not good for both students and university that students give up classes, only have the test at the end of semester.
It is known to us that the biggest and the most crucial task for university students is to learn specialized knowledge and skills in classes and prepare themselves very well for their potential career with the experienced help of their professor. Only when they keep pace with the teachers in every class, can they make though what they learn, keep the knowledge in their mind for a long time and practice their skills more often. We all know that most of the students who just take the examination pass the test by short-time and overnight study which not only fall to reflect the real degree student understand about the study, but also is harmful to adolescence’s health. Besides, not communicating with the professor in class may result in losing intern chances and career help because that most of the university teachers have more access to this kind of opportunities.
What’s more, even students can absorb knowledge from other source such as on-line curriculum and obtain career information though other ways such as internet, there are still some problems that the university must face. Losing the control of students’ studying condition is one of these troubles resulted from the absence of students in classes, and losing the charge of the safety of students also is a problem cannot be ignored. How can the professor know the learning conditions of students when they even cannot see them, talk to them and listen to them? It is inevitable that teachers not only lose the right to instill knowledge to students in an effective way but also lose the chance to check whether students finish their study consciously. Once students have bad performance in society after graduating, or their parents are not satisfied with what they learned, it is the university who is blamed for, causing bad influence in university’s reputation.
Although some people augur that some of the students can take the advantage of studying outside classes so that they can keep the good reputation of university when they success in different fields, this kind of students is minus and this kind of education form does not correspond with the characteristics of students’ learning habits. Most of human beings are deficient in self-control and the ability getting rid of laziness. Without the alarming of professors in classes, they can lose themselves in computer games, shopping, TV such kind of study-irrelative activities for a long time.
When all above are contemplate, we can see that it is far from enough if students skip the process of class studying and just take the final exam. Only when students take classes carefully before tests can they get the real meaning of study and going to university, of course can the university take their responsibility properly.
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-5 18:45
06.04 修改
Recently, there is a more and more popular atmosphere dominating in the university that some of the students do not go to school to attend in their classes, but stay at home or do some other things (which) they assumed are more important outside the school. Only when they need to take the exam to get their score will they come back to classroom. Is it an advance in university education and the self-studying ability of students or is it a lack of systematic charge under students and a kind of irresponsibility of students? Although I cannot judge it in such a high level, I still know that it not good for both students and university that students give up classes, only have(having) the test at the end of semester.
It is known to us that the biggest and the most crucial task for university students is to learn specialized knowledge and skills in classes and to prepare themselves very well for their potential career with the experienced(删) help of their experienced professor. Only when they keep pace with the teachers in every class, can they make though(through) what they learn, keep the knowledge in their mind for a long time and practice their skills more often. We all know that most of the students who just take the examination pass the test by short-time and overnight study which not only fall(fail) to reflect the real degree of students' understanding about the study, but also is harmful to adolescence’s health. Besides, not communicating with the professor in class may result in losing intern chances and career help because that(删) most of the university teachers have more access to this kind of opportunities.
What’s more, even students can absorb knowledge from other sources such as on-line curriculum and obtain career information though other ways such as internet, there are still some problems that the university must face. Losing the control of students’ studying condition is one of these troubles resulted from the absence of students in classes, and losing the charge of the safety of students also is a problem which cannot be ignored. How can the professor know the learning conditions of students when they even cannot see them, talk to them and listen to them? It is inevitable that teachers not only lose the right to instill knowledge to students in an effective way but also lose the chance to check whether students finish their study consciously or not. Once students have(had) bad performance in society after graduating, or their parents are not satisfied with what they learned, it is the university who is blamed for, causing bad influence in university’s reputation.
Although some people augur(argue) that some of the students can take the(删) advantage of studying outside classes(classes outside) so that they can keep the good reputation of university when they success in different fields, this kind of students is minus and this kind of education form(删，要么删kind，不然重复~~) does not correspond with the characteristics of students’ learning habits. Most of human beings are deficient in self-control and the ability getting rid of laziness. Without the alarming of professors in classes, they can lose themselves in computer games, shopping, TV such kinds of study-irrelative activities for a long time.
When all above are contemplated, we can see that it is far from enough if students skip the process of class studying and just take the final exam. Only when students take classes carefully before tests can they get the real meaning of study and going to university, and of course can the university take their responsibility properly.
1.词性和从句要注意哈~~
2.论证方面没什么大的问题~~
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-6 17:22
6.5
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.
Since it is inevitable that economic that grows in rapid speed is always at the cost of clear water, fresh air, bright sunshine and other environment elements, some people is inclined to ignore the really notorious environment problems caused by industry and city construction. They assume economic growth is more important than environment, which is definitely opposite to my point of view. I argue this kind of unreasonable claim in several aspects.
First, what is the purpose of economic growth, you suppose? No of us can deny that to improve the quality of humankinds’ life is the most important goal for us. It is hence also the result what we want to obtain from high speed economic growth. And we are all informed that a healthy environment is the foundation of a wonderful and colorful life. So how can we give up the most direct way to realize our purpose but choice a complicated and low-efficient way? If we just put all our attention to the economic growth and make the poisonous chemicals released or pulled down from the industry blind to our eyes, we will not be able to enjoy the glorious success of our economy, because what we got from the past economy would finally pay for what we done to the environment. We can still remember the dirty water flowed in Thames River, the frog-covered sky in London during the industry evolution, and the efforts people putted in the following years in order to change the condition.
What’s more, we all know that money can buy medicines and nourishments, but cannot bring health, money can build a lot of wonderful architectures, but cannot reform the mysterious and magic natural scenery, money can change the food we taste, the clothes we wear, and the house we live in, but cannot invert the air we breathe, the toxic material we touch, and the bad sleep result from the noise outside our beautiful house. What we pursuit at present maybe found meaningless one day. What our teachers instill to us since we are young is to protect the environment, what our government advocate to us is to live with environment in harmony, what we learn from past is that natural environment will finally revenge us if we do damage to the environment. Thus, it is wise for us to put the environment at the first place when it conflict with economic growth.
Besides that, a good environment can also bring about economic growth, we are dream to travel to Jiuzhaigou in China, to skate in the snow mountain in Switzerland, to explore the secret of National park in USA. These places of interest bring huge income to the surrounding area and its people. In some countries, the income from tourist industry plays a crucial role in the total revenue of the country. So, protect the environment is exactly to improve the economic growth.
As what I said above, I agree with the claim that environmental concern is more significant than the economic growth. We should develop our economy in a rational way, not at the cost of the environment, not sacrifice our posterity’s benefits. And I believe a prosperous economy will follow by the good environment.
作者: sherry_xia 时间: 2013-6-6 19:34
顶楼主！同615！同加油！
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-6 20:09
sherry_xia 发表于 2013-6-6 19:34 
顶楼主！同615！同加油！
谢谢！加油~~~~~~~~~
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-6 23:22
6.5 修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.
Since it is inevitable that economic(economy) that grows in rapid speed is always at the cost of clear water, fresh air, bright sunshine and other environment elements, some people is inclined to ignore the really notorious environment problems caused by industry and city construction. They assume economic growth is more important than environment, which is definitely opposite to my point of view. I argue this kind of unreasonable claim in several aspects.
First, what is the purpose of economic growth, you suppose? None of us can deny that to improve(improving) the quality of humankinds’ life is the most important goal for us. It is hence also the result what we want to obtain from high speed economic growth. And we are all informed that a healthy environment is the foundation of a wonderful and colorful life. So how can we give up the most direct way to realize our purpose but choice(choose) a complicated and low-efficient way? If we just put all our attention to the economic growth and make the poisonous chemicals released or pulled down from the industry blind to our eyes, we will not be able to enjoy the glorious success of our economy, because what we got from the past economy would finally pay for what we done to the environment. We can still remember the dirty water flowed in Thames River, the frog-covered sky in London during the industry evolution, and the efforts people putted in the following years in order to change the condition.
What’s more, we all known that money can buy medicines and nourishments, but cannot bring health, money can build a lot of wonderful architectures, but cannot reform the mysterious and magic natural scenery, money can change the food we taste, the clothes we wear, and the house we live in, but cannot invert the air we breathe, the toxic material we touch, and the bad sleep result from the noise outside our beautiful house. What we pursuit at present maybe found meaningless one day. What our teachers instill to us since we are young is to protect the environment, what our government advocate to us is to live with environment in harmony, what we learn from past is that natural environment will finally revenge us if we do damage to the environment. Thus, it is wise for us to put the environment at the first place when it conflicts with economic growth.
Besides that(删), a good environment can also bring about economic growth, we are(删) dream to travel to Jiuzhaigou in China, to skate in the snow mountain in Switzerland, to explore the secret of National park in USA. These places of interest bring huge income to the surrounding area and its people. In some countries, the income from tourist industry plays a crucial role in the total revenue of the country. So, protect the environment is exactly to improve the economic growth.
As what I said above, I agree with the claim that environmental concern is more significant than the economic growth. We should develop our economy in a rational way, not at the cost of the environment, not sacrifice our posterity’s benefits. And I believe a prosperous economy will follow by the good environment.
1.用词注意吧 有的有点中式
2.如果我是考官，第二点论证可以，一，三没能说服我
3.加油吧
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-7 11:12
applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-6 23:22
6.5 修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more imp ...
第一条和第三条理由是我上新东方的时候，老师给的理由，这个题目是当时讲过，而且我个人认为也是比较合理的。
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-7 17:07
6.6独立
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different fromeveryone else.
To be anoutstanding people, which way will you choose to approach your destination?Will you prefer to follow the most common way that people behavior or will youlike to be the different one? I will say if I have the special way that differsfrom others, I will never choose to be more like others. Because, I always keepin mind that only few people can success in their own life, so most people willbe ordinary. And people who succeed definitely have variable advantages, butloser always have the same disadvantage. Let me explain it in following facets.
It is needless tosay that most people live a numb and boring life that lacks of challenges andcolors. Seeking for a peaceful and low-speed life is the goal of most people,they already lost the ambitions in life, all they want is to make their liveseasier. So how can you break the limitation of yourself and pursuit for successif you like this kind of people who make the most of people around you? Howdare you claim that you can be a excellent, successful people by being a personlike them? No one can deny that only when you finish something or achieve someaward that most people cannot finish or obtain, can you be a successful people thatdiffers from normal people.
Admittedly, somepeople you can attach or imitate are successful people in our society. You canlearn a lot of good qualities from them, such as persistence, passion,diligence, or other good moral spirits which can help you a lot. But be the exactsame person like them? Never will I have a good expectation for you! Becausethe old saying lingers in my mind, the model of being a successful personcannot be copied. Everyone has their own advantages strong point andshortcomings, and everyone has different background and interpersonalrelationship. It’s of great importance to make use of your beneficial resourceand hind your disadvantages. People’s condition varies from people to people,so the plan to succeed must be unique and distinct. Although you can make everyaspects familiar with your idol, there is one thing you can never control it,chance, and chance is as important as your ability, as we all know.
Besides that, itis obvious that the creativity is the hope for a country, as one of ourpolitician said, so it is for the success of a people. The most simple way tomake you out of people is to have unique ideal, special skills or invent newthings, that is creative. The first people choosing to learn a foreign languagenot to focus on deep research on mother tongue can be a diplomatic envoy, thefirst one bringing the spice in to food can make huge profits, the first one tochanging the usual painting way can be an artist. But the follow never canreach the height these pioneers reached. So to choose your own style, to be acreative person will make you successful.
Take all my pointinto consideration, I’m not saying that is not good to like others, I justrecommend people who want to succeed to choose to be different. It will helphim or her to become a successful people easier and efficient as reasons I saidbefore.
作者: applesoforever 时间: 2013-6-7 23:02
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different fromeveryone else.
To be anoutstanding people, which way will you choose to approach your destination?Will you prefer to follow the most common way that people behavior or will youlike to be the different one? I will say if I have the special way that differsfrom others, I will never choose to be more like others. Because, I always keepin mind that only few people can success in their own life, so(删) most people willbe ordinary. And people who succeed definitely have variable advantages, butloser always have the same disadvantage. Let me explain it in following facets.
It is needless tosay that most people live a numb and boring life that lacks of challenges andcolors. Seeking for a peaceful and low-speed life is the goal of most people,they already lost the ambitions in life, all they want is to make their liveseasier. So how can you break the limitation of yourself and pursuit for successif you like this kind of people who make the most of people around you? Howdare you claim that you can be a(an) excellent,(and) successful people by being a personlike them? No one can deny that only when you finish something or achieve someaward that most people cannot finish or obtain, can you be a successful people thatdiffers from normal people.
Admittedly, somepeople you can attach or imitate are successful people in our society. You canlearn a lot of good qualities from them, such as persistence, passion,diligence, or other good moral spirits which can help you a lot. But be the exactsame person like them? Never will I have a good expectation for you! Becausethe old saying lingers in my mind, the model of being a successful personcannot be copied. Everyone has their own advantages, strong points andshortcomings, and everyone has different background and interpersonalrelationship. It’s of great importance to make use of your beneficial resourceand hind your disadvantages. People’s condition varies from people to people,so the plan to succeed must be unique and distinct. Although you can make everyaspects familiar with your idol, there is one thing you can never control it,chance, and chance is as important as your ability, as we all know.
Besides that, itis obvious that the creativity is the hope for a country, as one of ourpolitician said, so it is for the success of a people. The most simple way tomake you out of people is to have unique ideal, special skills or invent newthings, that is creative. The first people choosing to learn a foreign languagenot to focus on deep research on mother tongue can be a diplomatic envoy, thefirst one bringing the spice in to food can make huge profits, the first one tochanging the usual painting way can be an artist. But the followings never canreach the height these pioneers reached. So to choose your own style,(and) to be acreative person will make you successful.
Take all my pointsinto consideration, I’m not saying that is not good to like others, I justrecommend people who want to succeed to choose to be different. It will helphim or her to become a successful people easier and efficient as reasons I saidbefore.
看完了。。。。不知道要说些什么。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。你自己再琢磨琢磨？
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-8 11:42
applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-7 23:02
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like o ...
你是觉得没什么特别好也没什么特别不好的地方是吗？
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-8 15:22
6.7独立
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.
What will you doto relax yourself when you are under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhen you are in bad mood? What will you do when you try to get rid of bad emotion,and get your relaxation? While some people may prefer to watch a comedy movieor reading a wonderful book to release your uncomfortable feelings, others maybe instinctive to choose to play basketball, football, swim or some other exercises.As far as I am concerned, it’s hard to say which method is better other method,because no matter which way is definitely a good way to relax yourself.
First, let us talkabout watching a movie. No one can deny that movie is the result of thedevelopment of technologies which bring about many new entertainments to oureveryday life. In ancient time when there is no movie, people enjoyed the actor’sor actress’s performance in old theater for fun. I think that’s the ancestor ofmodern movie. Accordingly, movie is a tradition way to relax. And with thedevelopment of science and movie industry, there are more and more fantasticand excellent movies which combine the high technology and attractive plots springingup and coming into our eyes. You can choose different kinds of films tostrengthen or reduce your special mood. So can you ask some friends to watch afunny movie to relax yourselves when you during a high-pressure exams week, forexample.
And when it comesto read a book, it is obvious a good way for some shy or reading lovers torelax themselves. Although I will not choose to read books when I seek forrelaxation, because reading is a long and boring process for me, but I cannotignore it’s magic use for other people. My sister is a one hundred percent readingfan. She majors in literature and devotes most of her time into differentbooks. She will feel something wrong with her or surroundings if she does notread books in one day. What a special people she is, right? But we can seespecial people such as my sister is not so rare in reality life, on thecontrary, a considerable amount of people like books and regard it as a tool tohelp them relax.
Admittedly,exercise is also an old-history and healthy way to relax people. Many researcheshave been done and suggest that when people do exercise and sweat during thetime, they can not only improve their health condition but also secrete a kindof “happy molecule”. It is a kind of enzyme which can affect people’s mind. Andwhen you do your exercise, the speed of blood and the rate of your breathe willincrease, helping to throw that bad chemical out of your body. You can hencehave a peace sleep which will eliminate your tiredness and help you relax. Itis a wonderful way to clear up your mind and reverse your bad mental stage byimproving your physical condition.
Take all respectsinto my contemplation, I won’t say any one of the three ways is not a smartchoice to help you relax. It is totally up to you, or depends on what kind ofperson you are. And I personally think that watching movies is a good way forgirls, doing exercise is a good choice for boys, and reading books are suitablefor both girls and boys. What do you think of?
作者: kellyzhou0000 时间: 2013-6-8 22:43
What will you doto relax yourself when (you are) under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhen you are in bad mood? What will you do when you try to get rid of bad emotion,and get（ your） relaxation? While some people may prefer to watch a comedy movieor reading a wonderful book to release your uncomfortable feelings, others maybe instinctive to choose to play basketball, football, swim or some other exercises.As far as I am concerned, it’s hard to say which method is better （other method）,because no matter which way is definitely a good way to relax yourself感觉可以表述的更简洁一点，这句.
First, let us talkabout watching a movie. No one can deny that movie is the result of thedevelopment of technologies which bring about many new entertainments to oureveryday life（daily life）. In ancient time when there is no movie, people enjoyed the actor’sor actress’s performance in old theater for fun. I think that’s the ancestor ofmodern movie. Accordingly, movie is a tradition way to relax. And with thedevelopment of science and movie industry, there are more and more fantasticand excellent movies which combined the high technology and attractive plots springingup and coming into our eyes这句表达可以简洁一点. You can choose different kinds of films tostrengthen or reduce your special mood. So can you ask some friends to watch afunny movie to relax yourselves when you during a high-pressure exams week, forexample(such as exam weeks).
And when it comesto read a book, it is obvious a good way for some shy or reading lovers torelax themselves. Although I will not choose to read books when I seek forrelaxation, because reading is a long and boring process for me, but I cannotignore it’s magic use(effect) for other people. My sister is a one hundred percent readingfan(这样表述有点中式吧？). She majors in literature and devotes most of her time into differentbooks. She will feel something wrong with her or surroundings if she does notread books in one day. What a special people she is, right? But we can seespecial people such as my sister is not so rare in reality（real） life, on thecontrary, a considerable amount of people like books and regard it as a tool tohelp them relax.
Admittedly,exercise is also an old-history and healthy way to relax people. Many researcheshave been done and suggest that when people do exercise and sweat during thetime, they can not only improve their health condition but also secrete a kindof “happy molecule”. It is a kind of enzyme which can affect people’s mind这个例子举的很好. Andwhen you do your exercise, the speed of blood and the rate of your breathe willincrease, helping to throw that bad chemical out of your body. You can hencehave a peace sleep which will eliminate your tiredness and help you relax. Itis a wonderful way to clear up your mind and reverse your bad mental stage byimproving your physical condition. 这段表述挺流畅的
Take all respectsinto my contemplation, I won’t say any one of the three ways is not a smartchoice to help you relax. It is totally up to you, or depends on what kind ofperson you are. And I personally think that watching movies is a good way forgirls, doing exercise is a good choice for boys, and reading books are suitablefor both girls and boys. What do you think of?
文章的整体思路分析比较明确，看了你的文章我觉得我又写跑题了....语言句子稍微有点啰嗦，能精炼一下更好。还有一个，我也是这个问题，缺少一点耀眼的词汇
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-9 14:06
kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-6-8 22:43
What will you doto relax yourself when (you are) under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhe ...
是啊，单词量小真是个难以解决的忧伤啊~上次考试作文评价里明确说出我词汇量不够丰富，哎，不知道该怎么办！有的句子写得啰嗦可能是因为我想写长难句，但是水平又不够高，所以可能反而让人觉得啰嗦。
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-10 00:10
6.8独立
Do you agreeor disagree with the following statement?
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情?
What is the mostcommon thing you parents accompanied with to do when you were in yourchildhood? Is reviewing your acknowledge learned from classes or playing anddoing exercise with you? My parents once checked my homework regularly, but godknows how much I wanted them to play some games with me or even to have a walkwith me in the nearby park. From the perspective of a small and lovely child, thatparents play with us or take us out for exercise is more meaningful than thatparents keep on helping us with studying. And I insist that the benefits bothchildren and parents can get from playing and exercising are more than that getfrom studying with parents’ companioning.
Although we cannotdeny the fact that most of the modern parents are well-educated, thus they mayable to tutor child in their homework and solve child’s problems of somecurriculums. It is also obvious that most parents do not have the systematic teachingmethod which plays an important role in child’s study process. Not to speak ofsome parents who did not accept enough education, they may even mislead theirchild. Teachers in school already take the responsibility of instilling knowledgeand skills to children. And most of them do very well in their job position, sothere is no need for parents to butt into this area. And students nowadays playmost of their time in school. They may be under great pressure if their parentsjust focus on their studying. And this imposed pressure will has bad influenceon the normal study of their child.
And on thecontrary, games and exercise can inspire children’s creativeness and imagination,light the wisdom spark of children and make children’s body well-prepared forstudying. We can improve the studying efficiency by playing games and doingexercise because these activities can make children relax after long-timestudying, helping students to get out of the sluggish in studying and find newways to solve their academic questions. In addition, health is the foundationof all other things. Adults now mostly lack a good physical condition. Doingexercise with children can bring health to whole family, leading to thedevelopment of children’s studying and, at the same time, adults’ workingperformance.
And speaking of parentsplaying and exercising with their children, a piece of warm and peacefulscenery just comes into our mind. They are definitely wonderful ways toincreasing the relationship between parents and children. And a normal and goodrelation between parents and children is a necessary factor of people’s healthmental stage. And we all know that a health mentality is also the prerequisiteto be a outstanding students.
Recalling myperspective above, I agree with the statement that parents should play games ordo exercise with their child rather than doing other things related to studying.This will bring our more long-term benefits which may surprise us.
作者: kellyzhou0000 时间: 2013-6-10 11:21
What is the mostcommon thing your parents accompanied with （to do ）when you were in（ your）childhood? Is reviewing your acknowledge learned from classes or playing anddoing exercise with you?这句话单复数结构有点不对，表达的意思挺模糊。可以用排比句吧 My parents once checked（used to check） my homework regularly, but godknows how much I wanted them to play some games with me or even to have a walkwith me in the nearby park. From the perspective of a small and lovely child, thatparents play with us or take us out for exercise is more meaningful than（ thatparents keep on） helping us with studying. And I insist that the benefits bothchildren and parents can get from playing and exercising are more than that getfrom studying with parents’ companioning.
Although we cannotdeny the fact that most of the modern parents are well-educated, thus they mayable to tutor child in their homework and solve child’s problems of somecurriculums. It is also obvious that most parents do not have the systematic teachingmethod which plays an important role in child’s study process. Not to speak ofsome parents who did not accept enough education, they may even mislead theirchild. Teachers in school already take the responsibility of instilling knowledgeand skills to children. And most of them do very well in their job position, sothere is no need for parents to butt into this area. And students nowadays playmost of their time in school. They may be under great pressure if their parentsjust focus on their studying. And this imposed pressure will has bad influenceon the normal study of their child.
And on thecontrary, games and exercise can inspire children’s creativeness and imagination,light the wisdom spark of children and make children’s body well-prepared forstudying. We can improve the studying efficiency by playing games and doingexercise because these activities can make children relax after long-timestudying, helping students to get out of the sluggish in studying and find newways to solve their academic questions. In addition, health is the foundationof all other things. Adults now mostly lack a good physical condition. Doingexercise with children can bring health to whole family, leading to thedevelopment of children’s studying and, at the same time, adults’ workingperformance.
And speaking of parentsplaying and exercising with their children, a piece of warm and peacefulscenery just comes into our mind. They are definitely wonderful ways toincreasing the relationship between parents and children. And a normal and goodrelation between parents and children is a necessary factor of people’s healthmental stage. And we all know that a health mentality is also the prerequisiteto be a outstanding students.
Recalling myperspective above, I agree with the statement that parents should play games ordo exercise with their child rather than doing other things related to studying.This will bring our more long-term benefits which may surprise us.
事例陈述的时候连接词用的有点少，条理蛮清晰的
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-11 17:16
10 June
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can make friends with guy who has more money.
The old saying always lingers in my mind that friends is a big deal of fortune for us during our lifetimes. Our friends usually vary from person to person, and the versatile characteristics of our friends contribute to our colorful and cheerful lives. When I regard my friends as wealth for us, I do not mean to focus on the real money or possession my friends have. However, can we make friends with wealthy people? I think we should take other factors into contemplation. I recommend that money should not be a necessary standard for us to choose a friend. Admittedly, money also should not be an obstacle for someone to be friend of us.
In fact, money can bring us a lot of benefits and deeper us relationship if we use it properly. For example, if neither my friends nor I lack money, we can go to watch a movie to relax ourselves, travel to other places to broad our knowledge and donate money to keep our warm heart. Kate, one of my best friends, was born in a wealth family. She is a nice and generous person who likes to try new things and explore the whole world with us. And she once used her money to get one of our friends out of trouble. Although we shouldn’t always depend on or wish for the financial help from our friend, that seems we are taking the advantage of others, it’s really very helpful when a emergence takes place. And it will not influence our friendship so long so we return the money after our hard time.
Furthermore, people who earn much money by themselves must have some advantages that we can learn. They must be hard-worked, persistent, or diligent and have a strong heart which helps them overcome all difficulties in their life. Making friends with that kind of successful people can motivate us to be an excellent person just like them.
But all of the wealthy people who is suitable for us to make friends I mentioned before must have no bad character or improper behavior. If they use their money without appreciation, do harm to others with the help of money or even use money to break the law, we definitely should not make friends with them. Also, if people make money in illegal ways and opposite to the social moral, we need to keep away from them, not speaking to be friends of them.
As far as I am concern, money is a double-sided sword which can make a people be the best ideal friend of us if it is used correctly, and can make a people be a notorious person that everyone criticizes him. So, should we choose a wealth people as our friend? Let take more factors into consideration.
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-6-12 09:36
实在很抱歉，昨天突然断网了，没改成。
10 June
Independent Writing：
红色修改，蓝色建议，高亮表赞
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can make friends with guy who has more money.
The old saying always lingers in my mind that friends is（are) a big deal(楼主这里是想表达很多的意思吧，但是a big deal of似乎没有这样的意思） of fortune for us during our lifetimes.(注意句子间要用连词） Our friends usually vary from person to person(感觉这里的person最好有区别，即one person to another person), and the versatile characteristics of our friends contribute to our colorful and cheerful lives. When I regard my friends as wealth for us, I do not mean to focus on the real money or possession my friends have. However, can we make friends with wealthy people? I think we should take other factors into contemplation(该词表沉思，这里用似乎不太合适吧，个人意见）. I recommend that money should not be a necessary standard for us to choose a friend. Admittedly, money also（also放在should之后） should not be an obstacle for someone to be friend of us.
In fact, money can bring us a lot of benefits and deeper（deep不能做动词啊） us relationship if we use it properly. For example, if neither my friends nor I lack money, we can go to watch a movie to relax ourselves, travel to other places to broad（broad不能做动词啊） our knowledge and donate money to keep our warm heart（这里稍显别扭）. Kate, one of my best friends, was born in a wealth family. She is a nice and generous person who likes to try new things and explores the whole world with us. And she once used her money to get one of our friends out of trouble. Although we shouldn’t always depend on or wish for the financial help from our friend, that seems we are taking the advantage of others, it’s really very helpful when a emergence takes place. And it will not influence our friendship so long so（as) we return the money after our hard time(after之后只能接句子）.
Furthermore, people who earn much money by themselves must have some advantages that we can learn. They must be hard-worked（hardworking), persistent, or diligent and have a strong heart which helps them overcome all difficulties in their life. Making friends with that kind of successful people can motivate us to be an excellent person just like them.
But all of the wealthy people who is（are) suitable for us to make friends I mentioned before must have no bad character or improper behavior. If they use their money without appreciation, do harm to others with the help of money or even use money to break the law, we definitely should not make friends with them. Also, if people make money in illegal ways and opposite to the social moral, we need to keep away from them, not speaking to(这种表达太中式了吧，用let alone比较合适） be friends of them.
As far as I am concerned, money is a double-sided(double-edged) sword which can make a people be(to be/being) the best ideal friend of us if it is used correctly, and can make a people be a notorious person that everyone criticizes him. So, should we choose a wealth people as our friend? Let us take more factors into consideration.
总结：1.赶脚题目中的more比较对象应该是“决定要不要交朋友的一方”，而不是笼统的要不要和有钱人交朋友，所以这也是我感觉难写的原因。
2.楼主的一些固定搭配稍显中式，同时也出现了些微语法错误，希望以后注意下。
3.文章总体结果其实还蛮匀称的，用词也挺不错。
4.最后，，，，永远不变的最后一句，，，楼主加油！
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-12 10:35
sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-12 09:36
实在很抱歉，昨天突然断网了，没改成。
10 June
Independent Writing：
非常感谢~说实话，你是目前给我给我改文章让我收获最大的一个同学，拜谢~~
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-6-12 10:36
受宠若惊。。。
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-6-12 18:22
11 June
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
学校应该出钱支持social activities 还是改善学生伙食?
Although the developmentof economy is rapid these days, but it seems that many schools don not benefitfrom it. The problem of financial pressure comes into people’s mind becausemany students cannot get appropriate food services or fund for socialactivities. It may result of the increasing enrollment of students. That put alot of pressure in the resource and budget. When the money is limited, I willrecommend school to improve the quality of foods provided first for followingreasons.
For the mostimportant, no one can deny that a good health is the prerequisite andfoundation of good study and excellent performance in social activities. Thusbefore we use money to support students to hold social activities, we shouldpay more attention and money to ensure that the students have enough energy andhealth body condition to undertake these activities. They are supposed to beenergetic when they join activities, and of course they should not have astomachache or other problem when they devote themselves in these activities.So the first step to guarantee this is to improve the sanitary condition ofschool cafeteria. It calls a lot of money to employ more people do clean work, updatean advanced disinfection machine and buy more fresh raw meat and vegetables.The second step is to provide foods with more nutrition and vitamins, which notjust keep the health but can improve the health condition. And it inevitableneed more money to implement these plans.
Besides that, whenwe compare the consequence of the not prosperous social activities and a notqualified food service, we can immediately know which is more urgent for us toimprove. Because students will just complain the lack of wonderful socialactivities without do more things, but their parents or even the governmentwill accused the bad food provided in the school. Schools may get punished byrelative national departments and lose their reputation accumulating by theirhard teaching and other advantages. Only when we put money to improve students’food, can both the students and school get the biggest benefits.
As far as I amconcerned, a clean and balanced-nutrition food is an exemplification of school’sresponsibility and love for students that every school should solve thisproblem first before trying to improve other aspects of the school. So when theschool has limited money, please just forget about the social activity first,and focus on improving the food in their cafeterias.
作者: louzhou 时间: 2013-6-13 23:59
Although the development of economy is rapid these days, but（前面有although，这里就不需要but了） it seems that many schools don(do) not benefit from it. The problem of financial pressure comes into people’s mind because many students cannot get appropriate food services or fund for socialactivities. It may result of the increasing enrollment of students. That put a lot of pressure in the resource and budget. When the money is limited, I will recommend school to improve the quality of foods provided first for following reasons.
For the most important, no one can deny that a good health is the prerequisite and foundation of good study and excellent performance in social activities. Thus before we use money to support students to hold social activities, we should pay more attention and money to ensure that the students have enough energy and health(healthy) body condition to undertake these activities. They are supposed to been ergetic when they join activities, and of course they should not have astomach ache or other problem when they devote themselves in these activities.So the first step to guarantee this is to improve the sanitary condition ofschool cafeteria. It calls a lot of money to employ more people do clean work, update an advanced disinfection machine and buy more fresh raw meat and vegetables.The second step is to provide foods with more nutrition and vitamins, which not just keep the health but can improve the health condition. And it inevitable need more money to implement these plans.
Besides that, when we compare the consequence of the not prosperous social activities and a not qualified food service, we can immediately know which is more urgent for us to improve. Because students will just complain the lack of wonderful social activities without do more things, but their parents or even the government will accused the bad food provided in the school. Schools may get punished byrelative national departments and lose their reputation accumulating by theirhard teaching and other advantages. Only when we put money to improve students’food, can both the students and school get the biggest benefits.
As far as I am concerned, a clean and balanced-nutrition food is an exemplification of school’s responsibility and love for students that every school should solve this problem first before trying to improve other aspects of the school. So when the school has limited money, please just forget about the social activity first, and focus on improving the food in their（前面school用单数，这里用its好一点） cafeterias.
排版的时候我还是习惯段落之间空行哈，看起来比较舒服而且正式文章也这么做（当然托福考试里面不空行也是可以的）……
楼主基本没有语法错误，这一点很好！而且整篇文章比较规范。
1. 感觉第三段把没钱投资饭堂导致的结果有点夸大化了，个人觉得侧重点在于对声誉的影响（而不是政府的punishment）上比较好；
2. 这么说文章就只有两个分论点了，时间允许的话还是写三个分论点更合适；
3. 感觉文中的单句有点多，必要的时候可以组合成复合句。
4. 加油！
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-10 09:47
9.9独立
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than to older people.
I strongly agree that the viewpoints and idea of notable people are more important to the younger than to the older. Opinions of famous people can guide people to find their goals, encourage them to defeat problems and give them confidence for a better future. We sometimes regard this phenomenon as the “power of idol”, and what an obvious fact that the younger are affected deeper than the older by this kind of power, so by celebrities. I will explain it in follow aspects.
First let’s figure out what we will gain from opinions of famous people. The most common points released by them in public must be their persistence for their dream and curiosity for new things. These spirits and thoughts play a more significant role in teenager's life than adult's, because adults usually already found their life directions and search for a stable and normal life. Persistence for an unrealizable dream and curiosity for new adventure are no more the main theme of their life. This usually happens in our everyday life. As a young people, I will always be motivated by the saying of notable people such as Jack Chen and LiuXiang that diligent work is the key to success. But my parents have no special feelings and seldom inspire by them. Thus it's no doubt we young people will take the opinion of celebrities more frequently into our consideration than the older people do.
Another reason is that young people are easier to expose to celebrities' opinion. As celebrities' opinion mostly spread by modern media, people who have more accesses to media such as TV, broadcast, internet are inevitably easier to be influenced. Younger people, the most active opponent in modern media without dispute, will accept more points than older people in the nature of things. Recognizing many idols sprung out recent years such as young athlete LinShuhao and famous foreign actress Angelina Julia, I am familiar with their experiences and life opinions. LinShuhao is a talent but modest NBA star, and Julia devoted herself to public welfare. I am impressed by what they did and thought. On the contrary, my parents even didn’t know who they are, not mention to learn something from them. Apparently, viewpoints from famous people are more important to younger people.
Apart from what I mentioned above, there are some other reasons. On the one hand, although no one can deny that few older people do regard famous people as models, we also acknowledge that having outstanding idols and learning their spirits is one of the most significant lessons for all younger people at school. On the other hand, younger people always have more chance to carry out notabilities’ standpoints and more energy to revise them, so that the young can obtain more from them.
Taking all these reasons above into consideration, I still more agree that notable people's ideas and thoughts are more important to younger people than older people. Younger people can benefit a lot by learning from notabilities. Our society should set more famous people as good examples and encourage young people to learn from them.
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-10 17:51
童鞋，我的独立好了 http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... ;extra=#pid18665493
求批改
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-11 14:57
9.10综合
People have different opinion about the use of the great house in the American Southwest and have proposed three main theories to explain in, however, the professor casts serious doubt on these ideals, so the lecture disagrees with the passage.
Firstly, the professor points out the lack of enough fire place in these great houses for family's daily cooking, which should be the basic feature for a living place. One of the biggest great house can just find ten fire places which is opposite to the huge place that can lived by more than 100 families. That's why the professor disagrees with the first theory.
And secondly, the professor also tells us that the theory that the great house is a place for storing food is not convince too. There are few traces for the existence of maize and relevant container. Not enough maize and remains of container left on the floor. Thus the second theory is also dispute by the professor.
When talking about the third theory, other construction materials such as stone, sand and even tools are also used by the professor to contradict with the theory of ceremonial center. The broken pot may be left by the workers who built these great houses. So the evidence cannot suggest the place is used for ceremonies.
作者: pengxudong 时间: 2013-9-11 17:51
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-11 14:57
9.10综合
People have different opinion about the use of the great house in the American Southwest a ...
改完了，多写综合，提高会很快的哟
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-11 18:21
pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-11 17:51
改完了，多写综合，提高会很快的哟
看了你的批改，我好像有点明白ETS给我作文写得评语了~多谢啊！其实你直接把修改的作文贴在我帖子里就行了，不用单独弄个word这么麻烦啊~
第二，三条批注我没有用that是因为我后面根本不是个句子，而是个比较长的名词短语，而我把which放后面的原因是避免看起来头重脚轻，你是刚考完GMAT咩？这两个问题是GMAT语法题里经常会出现的点。
再次感谢~受益良多啊！
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-12 15:16
TPO6综合
The professor strongly refutes the author's statement that the communal online encyclopedias is less valuable for people for several reasons such as original inaccuracies, mistakes resulting by people's change and wrong focal points. He confutes the passage in three aspects.
Firstly, it's not the accuracy the professor thinks most important, because we can hardly find a book without any errors, not only in online books but also in printed books. What should we take into serious consideration is that whether the failures are easy to be corrected. Obviously, the one-line encyclopedias can easy be revised. However, the mistakes in printed encyclopedias usually remain decades. This directly contradicts the passage's point.
Secondly, the crucial parts of the on-line encyclopedias will not be changed as what the passage supposed. Two strategies have been carried out. People put the most significant part of the book in a special place so that nobody can change. And some people monitor changes in the book as their own job. This totally solves the problem in the reading.
Thirdly, the diversity of topics in on-line book is one of the most wonderful advantages. The printed encyclopedias have to make decision picking out the important topics due to their limited space. Nevertheless, their biases make it difficult for them to reflect people's real interest and demand. Oppositely, there are various kinds of topic including academic topics on the on-line encyclopedias, thus can meeting different people's appetites. The passage fails to be right again.
作者: brittanyhxy 时间: 2013-9-12 23:31
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-10 09:47
9.9独立
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more importan ...
[attach]128339[/attach]
批改见附件啊
作者: 暴风雨小圆 时间: 2013-9-13 20:19
看到了 修改Ing
作者: 暴风雨小圆 时间: 2013-9-13 20:57
很厉害哦 大点基本上答到了 语法也正确。
第一次修改 请多多指教：）
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-14 17:54
9.13号独立
是否同意： One can learn another person from books and movies the personlikes.
你同不同意下列观点：通过一个人读的书和看的电影，我们就可以了解那个人
Although we cannot get fully recognition ofpeople by books and movies they read and watch, books and movies, I think,still can reflect some aspects of the people in some extent. The appetite for booksand movies are inevitably associated with the age, education backgrounds andhobbies of people.
Obviously, we can tell people’s age byknowing their preference of books and movies. People under different ranges ofage are in favor of different kinds of books, because people with distinctiveage have different comments and altitudes upon the same piece of work. It’stheir ages that determine the genre of books and movies they tend toappreciate. While my ten-years-old sister is crazy about fairy tale books andCartoon movies, I strongly love novels and films depicting romantic story. Andmy parents, even older people, they prefer to historical books and war movies. Thuswe can figure out people’s mysterious age from what they read and watch.
Also, we are able to points out people’s educationbackground with the help of their loving books and movies. Occupying differentextent of education, people show particular interests in readings and films.High-educated people usually like to read serious books and movies. On thecontrary, low literate people prefer to funny works. Moreover, people withdifferent majors also express different passion for books and movies in variousareas. My teacher’s favorite books are masterpieces such as Meditations, but myuncle with litter knowledge likes the joke books most. I read economic booksmost frequently, yet my friend Lily majored in painting enjoys art books. Thisis why books and movies can tell people our education background.
Apart from above opinions, we also obtain theability to guess people’s hobbies by analyze what they read and watch. Nowadays,books become more and more specialized and movies contain more and moredifferent topics, thus they can meet most people’s unique demand. People withdifferent hobbies can choose their own hobby-related books and movies. Music-lovercan read musical score and watch The Legend of 1900. And sports members willchoose to see sports magazines and watch The Soccer Boy. So people will showtheir hobbies with their loving books and movies.
Taking all the reasons into consideration,I agree with the statement that we can learn other people from books they readand movies they watch. We can get familiar with other people by asking thebooks and movie they like and choose friends with same interest by knowingtheir preference on books and movies.
作者: yzwdan818 时间: 2013-9-14 17:56
sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-10 17:51
童鞋，我的独立好了 http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=836006&pid=18665493&page ...
sherlock, 13号的作文依旧是我帮你改，今天我生日，所以晚上和同学出去吃饭，晚上回来再给你改，可能会晚点，不好意思啊~
作者: sherlock1992 时间: 2013-9-14 18:23
yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-14 17:56
sherlock, 13号的作文依旧是我帮你改，今天我生日，所以晚上和同学出去吃饭，晚上回来再给你改，可能会晚 ...
没关系，生日快乐哦！
作者: kellyzhou0000 时间: 2013-9-15 11:04
Although we cannot get fully recognition of people by books and movies they read and watch, books and movies, I think,still can reflect some aspects of the people in some extent. The appetites for books and movies are inevitably associated with the age, education backgrounds and hobbies of people.
Obviously, we can tell people’s age by knowing their preference of books and movies. People under different ranges of age are in favor of different kinds of books, because people with distinctive age have different comments and altitudes（attitudes） upon the same piece of work. It’s their ages that determine the genre of books and movies they tend to appreciate. While my ten-years-old sister is crazy about fairy tale books and Cartoon movies, I strongly love novels and films depicting romantic story. And my parents, even older people(我语法不太好，感觉older前面用不用加the呢？), they prefer （to） historical books and war movies. Thus we can figure out people’s mysterious age from what they read and watch.
Also, we are able to points out people’s education background with the help of their loving books and movies. Occupying different extent of education, people show particular interests in readings and films.High-educated people usually like to read serious books and movies. On the contrary, low literate people prefer to funny works. Moreover, people with different majors also express different（可以用diverse么？） passion for books and movies in various areas. My teacher’s favorite books are masterpieces such as Meditations, but my uncle with litter（little） knowledge likes the joke books most. I read economic books most frequently, yet my friend Lily majored in painting enjoys art books. This is why books and movies can tell people our education background.
Apart from above opinions, we also obtain the ability to guess people’s hobbies by analyze（analyzing） what they read and watch. Nowadays,books become more and more specialized， and（similarly，） movies contain more and more different topics, thus they can meet most people’s unique demand. （这少个连词）People with different hobbies can choose their own hobby-related books and movies. Music-lover can read musical score and watch The Legend of 1900. And sports members will choose to see sports magazines and watch The Soccer Boy.这两个例子举的很赞！ So people will show their hobbies with their loving（可以换一下，favorite） books and movies.
Taking all the reasons into consideration,I agree with the statement that we can learn other people from books they read and movies they watch. We can get familiar with other people by asking the books and movie they like and choose friends with same interest by knowing their preference on books and movies.
抱歉这么晚才修改~昨天晚上有点事情没顾上...
楼主的文章整体结构很好，尤其喜欢每段开头的句子，表的的方式都不一样，我要学习一下！用词也挺丰富，就是有的有点词重复的感觉，我也不知道应该怎么用更合适的词去替换，比如different这种。
我的语法不是很好，要是哪些地方改的不对，我们再沟通哈~
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