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标题: e23lzh的写作贴 [打印本页]

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-18 22:01
标题: e23lzh的写作贴
好吧，初来乍到，不太懂规矩。尽管一个月之前就报名考试了，但是之前一段时间实在是太忙了，所以没来得及准备，
现在离考试还剩下六七天了。。。
压力很大。
作文都不知道该写些什么东西，感觉没有什么话说。
希望在这里跟大家一起努力吧！！

作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-18 22:59
和我的感觉一样，没话说．．．．

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-18 23:40
觉得写的很不顺利，就剩几天就要考试了，很无奈啊。

1.18 young people today are more willing to help.

It's an instinct of humans formed during the process of evolution that they would help each other to survive the natural selection. As human beings are becoming more civilized, they tend to be increasingly helpful. Young people today, therefore, are more willing to help others.

First and foremost, education inspire people to lend a hand to others. Even in the kindergarten, teachers taught us to care about others. When we got into high school, we learnt the three passions of Berterand Russell, the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and the unbearable pity for the suffering of the mankind. It's as clear as crystal that the more education one received the more sympathic one will feel about others' suffering, and, consequently, the more obliged one feels to offer help. We can proudly say that the education today is far more advanced than that of the past, therefore, our educatees, usually young people, are more willing to help others. And this is best illustrated with the example that we can see increaseing number of college students take part in volunteer jobs to help others.

Secondly, teamwork nowadays becomes significant to one's success and more people come to realize that. In the universities, the students are always asked to cooperate to finish a project and in real-life workplace, no one can actually finish a task completely on oneself. Thus, young people are foreced to be cooperative and helpful because that his or her success is to a large scale depend on others' performence. For instance, as a software engineer to-be, I have to talk to my partners frequently to find out if they are confronted with difficulties so that I can help them to solve them, or we cannot finish the task on time.

Finally, statistic data shows that if one received help in the first place, he or she will be more willing to offer help. In the past time, because of the communication problem, people can only ask the nearby for help. Now, however, with the advancement of information technology, one can reach anybody around the world via Internet. That means that people can get help easier than the past, and, in turn, they will be more willing than ever to offer help.

Education, teamwork and telecommunication has to a large extent influenced young people's life, and certainly their sense of offering help. It's safe to say that with the development of civilization, people will tend to be more and more helpful. Every generation will be more helpful than the previous one.

作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-19 00:15
1.18 young people today are more willing to help.

Helping others is one of the instincts that originates during the process of evolution in order to survive from natural selection. As human beings are becoming more civilized, they tend to be more dedicated to help their peers. Young people today, therefore, are more willing to help as well.

First and foremost, education inspires people to lend a hand to others. Even in the kindergarten, teachers taught us to care about others. When we got into high school, we learnt the three passions of Berterand Russell, the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and the unbearable pity for the suffering of the mankind. It's crystal clear that the more education one received, the more sympathetic one will feel about others' suffering, and, consequently, the more obliged one’s feelings to offer help. We can proudly say that the education today is far more advanced than that of the past, therefore, our educatees, usually young people, are more willing to help others. And the best existing example that we can see is increasing number of college students take part in volunteer jobs to help others.

Secondly, teamwork nowadays becomes significant to one's success and more people come to realize that. In universities, students are always asked to cooperate to finish projects and in real-life workplace, no one can actually finish a task completely by oneself. Thus, young people are forced to be more cooperative and helpful because that his or her success is partially depending on others' performance. For instance, as a software engineer to-be, I have to talk to my partners frequently to find out if they are confronted with difficulties so that I can help them to solve, otherwise we cannot finish the task on time.

Finally, statistic data shows that if one received helps in the first place, he or she will be more willing to offer helps at the same time. In old days, because of communication problem, people can only ask the people nearby for help. Now, however, with the development of information technology, one can reach anybody around the world via Internet. That means that people can get help easier than the past, and, in turn, they will be more willing than ever to offer help.

Education, teamwork and telecommunication has influenced young people's life to a large extent, and certainly their sense of offering help. It's safe to say that with the development of civilization, people will tend to be more and more helpful. Every generation will be more helpful than the previous one

作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-19 00:18
楼主写的不错，但有些小的地方如果注意些会更好
１．重复的词用的比较多，这样会影响分数
２．和我一样的问题，介词和ｔｈｅ感觉有些时候用的不恰当
３．我的水平也不高，所以把感觉不恰当的地方重写了一下，当然，不一定比原作好，我也尽力而为了

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-19 21:42
1.19 独立：environmental conerns vs. economic growth

Decades ago, the international community tends to believe that the economy prosperity is of higher priority than environment protection. After years of development, however, people witnessed many tragedies like the Great Smog, the Global Warming, etc., and then gradually come to realize that preserving the environment is of greater importance than elevating the economy.

A good environment is the prerequisite for the economy development. We need raw materials from the nature to manufacture our products. We need fresh air and clean water to survive. Without a good environment, how can we meet all the requirements above? Think of the Great Smog in London, 1952. At that time, people were indulged into the illusion of industrialization and neglected the importance of preserve the environment. The air is severely polluted by the industrial waste. Certainly, people at that time paid a heavy price - tens of thousands people died from the toxic smog, making it one of the most severe environmental disaster in the history of human beings.

Moreover, once the environment is contaminated, it takes years to recover. The UK government spent a great amount of money to clean the air and to purify the polluted water in the Thames. According to a statistics, the expense even exceeded the GDP of UK of one year, that is to say that it is highly cost ineffective, not to mention the time it took to recover. Therefore, it is crystal clear that if we do not take actions to preserve the environment for economy's sake until the nature revenges us, it is too late.

Finally, there is something precious that once we lose it, we could never obtain it again. We sacrifice the biodiversity to boost our economy. We cut down the trees in the Amazon area to make space for agriculture. We focus only on our needs today and forget to look farther to the future, and there will be a day when we regret for what we have done today but we could never make it up. It is said that a kind of creature dies out every second, and it will never show again, leaving us the endless pity.

Conclusively speaking, people are not to blame for boosting the economy. But they should learn to protect the environment and to become environmentally conscious. Environmental concerns are of greater significance than economic growth. After all, we've got only one Earth.

作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-19 22:17
标题: 写的很棒,比我强多了!
很不错

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-21 20:27
1.20 Friends

Friends are a group of people who can share our happniess and undertake our sorrow. What air is to the living, that friends are to us people. Life without friendship will be far less colorful. Therefore, friends are indispensable to us, and we should make friends with others. When it comes to making friends, however, there are several ways, such as joining a sports team or traveling, among which I prefer making friends by participating in community activities.

It is self-evident that participants of the same activity always have similar interests, which enables them to communicate more casually and easily. Take myself as an example. Since I had a very rare hobby - singing and enjoying Peking Opera, I had long been a lonely peron for few people share my hobby until I took part in an activity held by the Peking Opera Promotion Committe. There I found a lot of people who shared the same interest with me in Peking Opera. We interchanged our viewpoints towards different operas freely, invited each other to the concerts and enjoyed plays togather. With those people around, I felt happy and confortable. We soon became good friends and still keep in touch.

Besides, in the process of cooperation or competitation, participants could have better understanding of each other's characteristic and personality. This is best illustrated by the example of my brother Joey. He is a funny and outgoing person who is extremely good at making friends. He told me the secret of his success in making friends is to work more with people, either compete or cooperate with each other. He said, working togather increased the chance of communicating, facing difficulties togather and solving problems togather. This experence with others to a large extent enhances the friendship between one and another and makes their friendship more endurable also.

From the analysis above, it is crystal clear that taking part in some community activities is a ideal way to accquire friendship. For one perspective, the participants usually have similar hobbies, which enable them to communicate easier. For another, participants get better chance to know each other during the activity. Therefore, if possible, why not take part in an activity and make some friends there?

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-21 20:28
提交晚了、、、、不好意思啊

作者: wsxz007 时间: 2013-1-21 21:45
1.20 Friends

Friends are a group of people who can share our happiness and undertake our sorrow. What air is to the living, that friends are to us people. Life without friendship will be far less colorful. Therefore, friends are indispensable to us, and we should make friends with others. When it comes to making friends, however, there are several ways, such as joining a sports team or traveling, among which I prefer making friends by participating in community activities.

It is self-evident that participants of the same activity always have similar interests, which enables them to communicate more casually and easily. Take myself as an example. Since I had a very rare hobby - singing and enjoying Peking Opera, I had long been a lonely person for few people share my hobby until I took part in an activity held by the Peking Opera Promotion Committee. There I found a lot of people who shared the same interest with me in Peking Opera. We interchanged our viewpoints towards different operas freely, invited each other to the concerts and enjoyed plays together. With those people around, I felt happy and confutable. We soon became good friends and still keep in touch.

Besides, in the process of cooperation or competition, participants could have better understanding of each other's characteristic and personality. This is best illustrated by the example of my brother Joey. He is a funny and outgoing person who is extremely good at making friends. He told me the secret of his success in making friends is to work more with people, either compete or cooperate with each other. He said, working together increased the chance of communicating, facing difficulties together and solving problems together. This experience with others to a large extent enhances the friendship between one and another and makes their friendship more endurable also.

From the analysis above, it is crystal clear that taking part in some community activities is an ideal way to accquire friendship. For one perspective, the participants usually have similar hobbies, which enable them to communicate easier. For another, participants get better chance to know each other during the activity. Therefore, if possible, why not take part in an activity and make some friends there?

第一次看楼主的文章，真心不错个别几个错的单词我已经改过来了，都不是大问题不过有一个together重复错了好几次，特别注意一下。
整个文章结构和句词使用真的已经很不错了，也给了我一些启发，不过题目中的new friends 楼主还是稍稍注意一下，这个貌似我自己写的也不是很清楚，不过应该没大问题毕竟是T的考试。
再就是，最好还能有一小段一下其他交友的长处，辩证的论述加上楼主娴熟的语言运用，绝对高分哦

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-22 20:36
1.21 健康

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind, people nowadays gradually come to realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising more measurable and scientific.

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cut-edge technologies or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience. I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me.

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health helps people to form an awareness of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-22 22:08

555555

作者: artemisan 时间: 2013-1-22 23:52
黄色的是好词，蓝色的是我觉得值得我学习的，红色是我不确定和修改的
1.21 健康

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind, people nowadays gradually come to realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising(exercise) more measurable and scientific.（用自己的例子说明，GOOD!）

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cut-edge technologies(尖端技术？) or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience. I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me. （用自己的例子说明，GOOD!）

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health idea helps people to form an awareness（be aware我个人觉得这个比较简单一点）of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?

话说……你的作文写得很好呀……那你这样的水平到底拿了多少分呢？

作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-1-23 20:53
标题: 1.21独立
说明：红色--错误；绿色--赞的词汇或表达；蓝色--建议。

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind,nowadays，people gradually ~~come to~~ realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising more measurable and scientific.

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cutting-edge technologies or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience.I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me.

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health helps people to form an awareness of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?

听闻群里有人喊救兵批改，前来参观了。整体行文很流畅，选词造句都比较流畅，也有一些高分词汇，我把超高分的在绿色高亮基础上又underline了。
cutting-edge是前沿的，这个单词刚在群里问过，帮我重拾这词汇了，但是大家不确定后面加techonology是否前面用cut-edge正确，我感觉是错的就改了，如果不对还请斧正，谢谢！

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2013-1-23 23:44
哇，非常感动啊。我google了一下，cutting edge是个名词，我当成adj了。应该是不需要加technology的。
谢谢了

作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-2-3 10:26

哇，非常感动啊。我google了一下，cutting edge是个名词，我当成adj了。应该是不需要加technology的。
谢谢了

-- by 会员 e23lzh (2013/1/23 23:44:10)

不用谢。共同提高，呵呵，帮我重拾一个词汇~

作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-2-6 13:09

话说……你的作文写得很好呀……那你这样的水平到底拿了多少分呢？

-- by 会员 artemisan (2013/1/22 23:52:19)

看到回报CD的帖子了，是满分，满分啊，我内牛满面。。。给我几分吧~

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2014-3-21 23:20
2014.3.21 独立写作 A\D Teaching is a harder work in the past than today.

The current world is fast changing, and so is teaching. Yesterday, teachers still used chalks and blackboards, while today, however, they heavily rely on electronic aids like keynotes. Although many believe that the changes make teaching more easily than ever, I, nevertheless, deem that it is far more difficult to teach today.

It is commonsensical that the information explosion has made students today increasingly hard to satisfy, since they could learn more from other sources other than from teachers, which makes teachings seemingly dispensable. One of my best and most erudite friend is a typical bad student in my teacher's eyes. Instead of listening to lessons, he spends his course hours on reading and thinking about some deeper problems on the subject. He also learns online via MOOC. Due to his extensive learning, he sometimes could even come up with questions that our teachers fail to provide a proper answer, which makes our teachers quite embarrassed. Once, when I visited my teacher in his office, he told me:" you kids today are more smart than we used to be, and therefore I need to prepare more for the class."

Moreover, the experiences of some successful dropouts like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs also inspired students nowadays not to follow the teachers' instructions. I read a news story the other day, saying that a school child, whose idol is Steve Jobs, believing that he could learn a lot better and become a second Jobs without teachers, never handed in homework on time. At the same time, as Winston Churchill said "I am always willing to learn, but I am not willing to be taught", students today prefer learn by themselves, making teachers difficult to manage the learning pace of the whole class.

As it stands, for one perspective, students could learn from other sources besides teachers, and for another, many young people begin to follow the examples of some successful dropouts against their teachers. Therefore, it is crystal clear that teaching today is far more difficult than ever.

作者: qq2228757 时间: 2014-3-22 21:53
写得很精彩~也感谢你帮我改的那么认真和仔细，真的给了我很多建议，我会回去好好反思一下，争取下次有进步！

作者: 牛奶泡小猫 时间: 2014-4-9 23:34
弱弱问一句楼主考试时独立写作能写多少字？我看到有人说550左右就能拿满分。。。我打字也不快，所以望楼主指教啊

作者: e23lzh 时间: 2014-4-14 18:55

牛奶泡小猫发表于 2014-4-9 23:34
弱弱问一句楼主考试时独立写作能写多少字？我看到有人说550左右就能拿满分。。。我打字也不快，所以望楼主 ...

四百多吧

作者: xhbhxhbh 时间: 2014-5-26 20:46
大神，还在吗？能麻烦帮忙改作文吗
TPO1 Integrated writing
In the passage ,there is  an argument that offering a four-day week work,  will do good to both  the individual and the cooperation respectively.In
the lecture , however ,the  professor holds another point of view.
First, offering four-day week job may cost more. Since the company would invest more to the office space and more computers, this would of course cut down the profit of the company . In addition , if they hire new employees to accomplish the work ,there would be a sum of moneyputting into the hiring and training process, this is another aspect of cost  the company more . Further , if they hire new employees they must  pay for their medicine fees, this is the third  facets that costing the company more. These  all contradicts what claims in the passage that a four-day week work would decrease the cost  of the company and benefit the company a lot .
Secondly, a four-day week work don't necessary mean an increase in more employment . In the lecture ,the professor holds that ,in order to decrease the hiring cost ,the company may not want to hire more employees ,the reasons are already stated as before , and this will end up working overtime. And also ,the employer would increase  their expections , hoping that the present employee could do the  sameamout of time in the four-day week works. This would obviously increase the pressure of the employees. But in the passage , it maintains that ,a four-day week policy would increase the employment ,and make the employee feel at ease ,and improve their life quality.However, the lecture refutes both of the saying in the passage.
Finaly , offing a four-day week policy impede the career development  and wouldn't reduce the cost of the company . To start with , this policy also end up reducing the  ability of the workers ,since the less work time . and in a economic downturn , they might be first to losttheir jobs ,and there will be less promotion opportunities for them comparing to thier five-day counterparts . This is also completely contradicts what has claimed in the passage that  the employee will benefit from the policy and enjoy a high quality life.

作者: Five_007 时间: 2014-6-22 10:17

e23lzh 发表于 2014-3-21 23:20
2014.3.21 独立写作 A\D Teaching is a harder work in the past than today.

The current world is fast ...

LZ, 行文非常流畅，语法扎实，外加闪光词汇，的确很nice。我经常作文写不出三点来，看了您的文章，表示稍显宽心，至少写两点是不会倒扣分的。。另外，有的时候用模版也会把自己的思路框死了，也显得不自然。28号考，但是觉得有希望。会多来看看如何将简单的词用的地道 TPO去啦~ THX

作者: sweetyecho 时间: 2014-6-23 21:17
来膜拜大神的帖子～～～求大神多多来写作小分队指导我们，嘿嘿～～～

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