ChaseDream

标题: 求狠批，求互改 [打印本页]

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 16:39
标题: 求狠批，求互改
今天开始写作之旅，求狠批，求互改。跟上小分队的节奏。每天写一篇综合和独立。加油！

18 December
Independent Writing:在家工作好, 还是去公司工作好？( some people prefer to work at home while others would rahter work in an company, which one would you like?)
Integrated Writing: TPO 13

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 19:09
TPO13综合

In the lecture, the professor states that even though same negative consequence of selling fossils in the commercial market, the benefits outweighs the disadvantages. And the professor casts doubt on the reading passage by offering specific points.

First of all, according to the professor in the listening, the public exposes to the fossils a lot, since people can see a lot of fossils during fossil selling. And the school and constitution can buy some fossils in the market to store them to see. However, this directly challenges the statement demonstrated in the reading that the public have less access to the fossils thus they lose interesting in fossils.

Furthermore, the speaker argues that the scientists have a lot of time to learn to valuable fossils since before selling the fossils in the commercial market, the scientists indentified the fossils and they can tell the details of fossils and examine the valuable information. Fossils sold in the market passed through the hand of scientists. This makes the statement in the reading passage indefensible that scientists may lose some access to important fossils and miss out vital discoveries of some fossils.

Finally, the lecturer points out that some damage may occurs during the excavation by private collectors. But when many undiscovered fossils in the location run by scientists, they cannot discover so many of them. The damaged fossils are good for scientific uses than the fossil completely undiscovered in the underground. This contradicted the argument in the reading passage.

In sum, the speaker totally disagrees with the argument in the reading passage and she uses three specific points to weaken the statement.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 19:15
TPO13综合总结，在软件上写的。能在规定时间写完。但是问题多多。
首先对阅读的内容理解不到位，导致听力点也跟不上。首先在3分钟的阅读中要总结出作者各个论点是什么用中文写出来吧，你的英文表达不都。三分钟一定要利用好，不然你对整个文章都很难把握。更别人听力中理解。你的听力本来就是弱了，听力的理解更抓不准。
听力还是听不出来，改怎么办呢？把每个综合的拼音听写下来吗？参考了晨依的作法，可以把听力的音频听写出来。每篇找出听力的对应点吧。看了文本感觉不难，但是为什么听力在现场不能听出来的呢。

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 21:18
独立的：
The last decades have witnessed the diversity of working style all over the world. Employees in some larger companies are allowed to decorate working place as what they like. Some people even just work at home, the namely SOHO people. Thus the discussion of work place arouses a lot of attention. Those who object to work at home argue that the team work will be affected when the employees work at home. But people, who advocate working at home, on the other hand, argue that working at home using computers or telephones will make work more efficient. I am of the opinion that working at home using computer or telephones benefits a lot of us.

First of all, working at home using computers or telephones enable the employees to make a flexible arrangement of their work. Employees can choose the most efficient time to work and thus the working efficiency will be raised. Since people will not be distributed when working at home and concentrate on their work. They will think deeply about their job and create some novelty ideas of their work. According to a survey by an advertising company, 90% percent of people like working at home. The advertising company does an experiment of their employees working at home. The result of the experiment shows that people can accomplish their job in 3days that used to work in a week. And the employees can create more novelty ideas than before.

In addition, working at home will save a lot of time. Since people do not go to the company every day. They do not spend much time on the road to the working office. As we know, people spend two or three hours on the road to the working office. If people work at home, they can use more time to their work. Working at home facilitate people make good use of time. For example, my uncle used to work for the IT Company, every day he spent three hours on driving between work office and home. But now he works at home using the computer and telephone, he can make use of time to contract other employees to discuss job more carefully.

Moreover, working at home gives the environment an advantage over working at the office. Since there is less commuting, which is to blame for the air pollution .Because diesel particle levels in vehicle used for commuting were five to eight times higher than the air around them, but if more and more people work at home, there are fewer private cars on the road. The environment is way better.

In conclusion, working at home using computers and telephones gives many advantages for us and benefits a lot for the environment. More and more people like working at home.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 21:48
19 December
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
Integrated Writing:TPO14
今天要争取把19号的也写了才能跟上小分队的步骤哦。加油写吧。

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-12-19 22:42
亲。我19的写过了，所以明天打算贴上18的作文。嗯见谅！

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-19 23:51
19号的独立
Happiness, one thing that Aristotle defined as intrinsic value for everyone, is pursuit by everyone for the whole life. It is indisputable that everyone wishes to be happy every day. What elements make us happy, the jobs or social life with friends and families? Some people believe that the jobs determine happiness everyday. But others are convinced that social life plays an important role on happiness. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that social life make people happier than the jobs.

First of all, social life involved time with family, which is the basic of a person's happiness. Happiness derives from harmony with family and living in a harmony family enables people to be happy everyday. The reason is that when we live in a harmony family we often get help from family members and share joy and tear with family members. For instance, when spending fixed time with family every day, I can talk about everything happened in daytime with my family. The discussion helps me to find solutions to my problems happened in the daytime, thus increasing my happy to some extent. Sitting together to enjoy tasteful dishes with my dad and mom, playing online games with my brother and sharing recent anecdote with sister all make me happy. Every time I spent time with my family, I felt happy from deep inside, which cannot be acquired outside home, for example, job.

Furthermore, happiness comes from enjoying social life with our friends, which enrich our spare time. During the interaction in social life, people can make many new friends with numerous people with same interesting. With the same interesting will bring much happiness to us. For instance, I always go out with my friends for fun. We go hiking, swimming, skiing and so forth. My friends and I even found a bicycle team to ride a bike every weekend to release pressure from work. Doing this sport make me happy and improve my healthy. Thus social life with friends is the source of happiness.

Admittedly, our job could also create happiness at certain circumstance. We will be happy by the new that the bosses raise our salary because we just stay late to accomplish a project, which makes a big deal for the company. However, we can’t ignore the negative side that we’re suffering considerable pressure from work, which is extremely awful for our health. Thus, all of the above joyfulness does not come from the job itself, but the harvest at the cost of high pressure and long time to stay up late or all night. Therefore, the transient pleasure is far less than the pain people are experiencing.

After ruminating all those factors above, I hold a viewpoint that our social life does have influenced our happiness more than our jobs, despite jobs do an occasional favor as well.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-20 20:54
20号的独立写作，没有限时写。左想想，右想想才出来的。20号的综合贴在后面

The internet and social media have brought us the news of young people helping others. We are informed everyday that the teenagers in high school found a tutor centre for primary school students, that the business school students hold a donation event to improve the level of medical care for senior citizen in the rural area, and that many graduates relinquish high pay in the cities to teach in the rural areas. All these new tell us that young people today are more willing to help others. There are many factors to explain for the phenomenon.

First of all, education teenagers received today has played a vital role on young people’s growth, thus increasing the awareness of helping others. In primary school children learned that helping others can make them to be popular guys. For instance, in my country, teachers usually told the story of Lei Feng, who was always willing to help others, to students and used him as a model to encourage children to help others. Thus, many young people firmly built the sense of helping others during their growth .However, hundreds years ago, people didn’t get enough education when they were children. As a result, when they grow up they weren’t more likely to help the other people. Thanks to the society development, today most countries in the world have taken more and more attentions to public education. Public education, such as elementary education, can teach young people how to be a good person. Helping each other is one of the most important behaviors that teachers need their students to learn. So it is more likely that young people will help not only their friends but also other strangers now.

Another major reason is that the young are enthusiastic about sharing information and experience with others. The high technology enables young people to share information and help other easily. The young not only like to share information and experience in the internet but also get this information in residential areas. For instance, the college students who major in computer sciences like to organize activities to help residents to learn about the knowledge of computers especially for senior citizens. They share their knowledge they have learned and put into practice. This activity let them realize their value of the society .More and more young people join in groups to do such meaningful things.

Last but not least, the modern society advocates a harmonious and friendly atmosphere in which each member should be helpful and united. This atmosphere facilitates young people to help others. Some organizations even reward the young people who are brave to help others when others are in danger. For instance, the official with the civil affairs bureau in my city recently reward twenty thousand to the young guy who dived into the river to save a drowning child. When the event broadcast in the local news channel, more and more young people are inspired to help others in the daily life.

In conclusion, the increasing role of public education in people’s growth, the young people’s enthusiastic about sharing information and experience with others and the encourage of government make the claim that young people today are more willing to help others than young people in the past. Helping with each other, indeed, could make the world more beautiful and colorful.

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-12-20 21:22
标题: 改18号作文！
黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误。

The last decades have witnessed the diversity of working style all over the world. (I like it!)Employees in some larger companies are allowed to decorate working place as ~~what~~ they like. Some people even just work at home, the namely SOHO people.(maybe it is better to say "Some people even just work at home, namely, the SOHO people")the(The) discussion of work place arouses a lot of attention. Those who object to working at home argue that the team work will be affected when the employees work at home.(weird) But people, who advocate working at home, on the other hand, argue that working at home using computers or telephones will make work more efficient. I am of the opinion that working at home using computer or telephones benefits a lot ~~of us.~~

First of all, working at home using computers or telephones enable the employees to make a flexible arrangement of their work. Employees can choose the most efficient time to work and thus the working efficiency will be raised(maybe here we can use boosted?). Since people will not be distributed when working at home and concentrate on their work. They will think deeply about their job and create some novelty ideas of their work. According to a survey by an advertising company, 90% percent of people like working at home. The advertising company does an experiment of(on) their employees working at home. The result of the experiment shows that people can accomplish their jobin 3days that used to work in a week.( I understand what you mean,but a little weird.)And the employees can create more novelty ideas than before.(this sentence is not convincing here.)

In addition, working at home will save a lot of time. Since people do not go to the company every day. They do not spend much time on the road to the working office. As we know, people (usually)spend two or three hours on the road to the working office. If people work at home, they can use more time to their work. Working at home facilitates people make good use of time. For example, my uncle used to work for the IT Company, every day he spent three hours on driving between work office and home. But now he works at home using the computer and telephone, he can make use of time to contract (you mean sign agreements?)other employees to discuss job more carefully.

Moreover, working at home gives the environment an advantage over working at the office. Since there is less commuting, which is to blame for the air pollution .Because diesel particle levels in vehicle used for commuting were five to eight times higher than the air around them, but if more and more people work at home, there are fewer private cars on the road. (this long sentence is not connected well.)The environment is way better.

In conclusion, working at home using computers and telephones gives many advantages for us and benefits a lot ~~for~~ the environment.(benefit is Vt) More and more people like working at home.(this sentence is useless here. This is a declarative sentence and it is used to say some facts. I think maybe it is better for you to say "I believe that more and more...)

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-20 21:46
自己再重新把写的文章参加修改同学的意见再写一遍。感觉这几篇都是赶的。要好好修改下。

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-20 22:49
20号的综合
TPO15
In the lecture, the professor states that the methods in reading passage will not be successful. And she uses specific points to illustrate it.

First of all, according to the professor in the listening, the fence cannot stop the cane toad to spread to other places. Since the cane toads laid their eggs in the river and steams, the water will flow one side to anther and the waterway bring the eggs to many other place. Thus the fence is not effective to prevent the cane toads to spread. However, this directly challenges the statement demonstrated in the reading passages that building a national fence can block the movement of the cane toad.

Furthermore, the speaker argues that even though same volunteers can catch the cane toad. But the volunteers are not well trained. They may do harm to the native frogs and bring other environmental issue to the native ecological system. This make the campaign in the reading is indefensible and ineffective to control the population of the cane toad.

Finally, the lecturer point out that disease-causing virus is a bad idea for the environment. It will bring negative effect to the habitat of the whole cane toad. For instance, some researchers or collectors may bring the virus from Australia to America, where cane toad is a native species. The virus will destroy the cane toad in the America, thus affecting the whole ecology system and environment. This makes the virus method unconvincing.

In sum, the methods in the reading passage are totally refuted by the speaker, who uses three specific points to weaken the argument in the reading.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-12-21 20:43
LZ写作真的很快~ 哈哈,鼓励!!!

The internet and social media（这个media其实很大了,前面就不要加这些词了，加个mass吧。） have brought us the news of young people helping others. We are informed everyday(这词连在一块是形容词,拆开写) that the teenagers in high school found a tutor centre for primary school students, that the business school students hold a donation event(hold后面接个activities吧,你这个event不好) to improve the level of medical care for senior citizen in the rural area, and that many graduates relinquish high pay in the cities to teach in the rural areas. All these new (加个s)tell us that young people today are more willing to help others. There are many factors to explain for(去掉for) the phenomenon.

First of all, education teenagers received (动词一)today has (谓语二,这句话有语病)played a vital role on young people’s growth, thus increasing the awareness of helping others. In primary school children learned that helping others can make them to be popular guys. For instance, in my country, teachers usually told the story of Lei Feng, who was always willing to help others, to students and used(to 后面你这句话不觉得还差点什么么?就是and跟前面感觉脱节了阿,句意模糊,有点语病) him as a model to encourage children to help others. Thus, many young people firmly built the sense of helping others during their growth .However, hundreds years ago, people didn’t get enough education when they were children. As a result, when they grow up they weren’t more likely to help the other people. Thanks to the society development, today most countries in the world have taken more and more attentions to public education. Public education, such as elementary education, can teach young people how to be a good person. Helping each other is one of the most important behaviors that teachers need their students to learn. So it is more likely that young people will help not only their friends but also other strangers now.
(观点很新颖,不错从public education来说~)

Another major reason is that the young are enthusiastic about sharing information and experience with others. The high technology enables young people to share information and help other easily. The young not only like to share information and experience in the internet but also get this information in residential areas. For instance, the college students who major in computer sciences like to organize activities to help residents to learn about the knowledge of computers especially for senior citizens. They share their knowledge they have learned and put into practice. This activity let them realize their value of the society .More and more young people join in groups to do such meaningful things.
(这段很不错,念完感觉比上段的表达好很多,没有不地道的句型出现)

Last but not least, the modern society advocates (其实用营造create更好,)a harmonious and friendly atmosphere in which each member should be helpful and united. This atmosphere facilitates young people to help others. Some organizations even reward the young people who are brave to help others when others are in danger. For instance, the official with the civil affairs bureau in my city recently reward twenty thousand to the young guy who dived into the river to save a drowning child. When the event broadcast in the local news channel, more and more young people are inspired to help others in the daily life.

In conclusion, the increasing role of public education in people’s growth, the young people’s enthusiastic about sharing information and experience with others and the encourage of government make the claim that young people today are more willing to help others than young people in the past. Helping with(去掉with) each other, indeed, could make the world more beautiful and colorful.
(结尾很好,有积极意义,不错)
点评:总体来说,后面写的比前面好很多,语病出现很少,段落间还是能看出LZ有些词拿捏不准,记得只写你有把握的,不要写你认为好像是的句子出来. 观点很清晰,语言能把握好,会进步飞速的~

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-12-21 20:44
TPO15
In the lecture, the professor states that the methods in reading passage will not be successful. And she uses specific points to illustrate it.

First of all, according to the professor in the listening, the fence cannot stop the cane toad to spread to other places. Since the cane toads laid their eggs in the river and steams, the water will flow one side to anther and the waterway bring the eggs to many other place. Thus the fence is not effective to prevent the cane toads to spread. However, this directly challenges the statement demonstrated in the reading passages that building a national fence can block the movement of the cane toad.

Furthermore, the speaker argues that even though(这个词你用一个句子就结束它?后面肯定要接个句子的,要形成对比的,否则错了) same volunteers can catch the cane toad. But the volunteers are not well trained. They may do harm to the native frogs and bring other environmental issue to the native ecological system. This make the campaign in the reading is indefensible and ineffective to control the population of the cane toad.

Finally, the lecturer point(用单三,加s) out that disease-causing virus is a bad idea for the environment. It will bring negative effect to the habitat of the whole cane toad. For instance, some researchers or collectors may bring the virus from Australia to America, where cane toad is a native species. The virus will destroy the cane toad in the America, thus affecting the whole ecology system and environment. This makes the virus method unconvincing.

In sum, the methods in the reading passage are totally refuted by the speaker, who uses three specific points to weaken the argument in the reading.

哇喔,你综合写的不错,比起独立,这个你可以拿good了,语言通畅,信息准确. 你这模板真心觉得不错!

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-22 18:38
22 December
Independent Writing: Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. a. joing a sports team, b. participate in community activities, or traveling。
Integrated Writing: TPO17

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-22 19:47
TPO17 综合
In the lecture, the professor states that the argument in the reading passage is unconvincing. And she uses three specific points to cast doubt in the reading passage.

First of all, according to the listening material, the professor argues that as the human population increased, human indeed need more land to settle, but human also created better larger area for birds to habitat. For instance, there are many eagles and pigpens in the city streets. Human civilization provides habitats for some birds. The population of some birds indeed decreases, but others birds’ population increase as the same time. Thus the argument in reading is unconvincing that the total birds' populations decrease.

Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the reading that the more and more land will use to develop agriculture in order to need the demand of increasing human population, the speaker assorts that in the future less and less lands use to grow crops. Since people invent new crops, which are very productive to feed more people. Thus, more and more lands uses for the habitats of birds.

Finally, the lecturer points out that the chemical pesticides do less harm for the birds in the future. On the one hand, people can invent less toxic pesticides. On the other hand, human can grow insect resistant crop to produce food. And the chemical pesticides will use less and less in the future. Thus the birds destroyed by the chemical pesticides will reduce. The birds' population cannot decrease.

In sum, the statements in reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker, who uses three points to weaken the argument.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-22 22:24
22号的独立。没有限时写，写了差不多2个小时，这个效率和速度真的蜗牛

The rich and colorful campus life involves having a lot of friends. An increasing number of students are beginning to realize that making friends becomes an important lessen they have to learn in the school. Despite various responses students may have on the topic concerning which way is best to make a new friend, joining a sports team, participating in community activity or travelling. From my perspective, the best way for students to make a new friend is joining a sport team. On the one hand, doing sport is so popular for students and it enables students to have more chances to communicate with the new friend. On the other hand, the sport team can help students to develop their friendship easily. In this way, they can get along with the new friend well and the friendship will last long.

First of all, doing sport is so popular in the campus that it provides students to make a new friend with the same interesting. Students with same interesting have many topics to talk, thus increasing better understanding with each others. Understanding each other better helps the friendship last for a long time. Thus joining a sport team is the best way to make friends for students. For instance, when I was a freshman, I joined in a badminton team. All the team members are crazy about playing badminton. We often talk about the strategy and skills when we play the badminton together. We discuss our strengths and weaknesses during the practice to help each other to improve the skills. Helping each other seems to be beneficial to friendship, making it stronger and longer lasting.

Furthermore, sporting team provides students more opportunities to communicate with the new friends, which is beneficial for the development of friendship. Because of regular training every week, students could have fix time to get long with the new friend, while they don’t have time to do so during the community activities or travelling. Through the conversation or cooperation, students could have opportunities to make good impression each other, which have a positive on the promotion of the friendship. For instance, during the cooperation to win the game, students could combine their efforts with friends and care about each other. When they win, they share the delight together and the sweet memory help to strengthen their friendship.

Admittedly, students can make new friends by participating community activities or traveling. But the acquaintance of someone during the journey cannot develop the friendship for a long time. We have limited time to know more about each other. The brief communication on the play, which results in the establishment of new friendship, cannot enable us to form a long time friendship. Thus thank to the frequent meet, it is more suitable to make new friends through a sport team, when comparing with the way of participating in community activity or traveling.

In sum, the benefits students got from a sport team making friends can never be overstated. Joining a sport team can not only make a friend with the same interesting, but also develop the friendship for a long time. Therefore, in order to make more friends, students should choose to join a sport team when facing the three choices.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-23 12:30
补上21号的作文
21 December
Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To increase economic growth, government can neglect environmental concerns.
Integrated Writing: TPO 16
这个独立我查了下，感觉和20120323NA的题目有点出入。我按别的版本写哦，
20120323NA:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-12-23 20:25
The rich and colorful campus life involves having a lot of friends. An increasing number of students are beginning to realize that making friends becomes an important lessen(小粗心哦,lesson) they have to learn in the school. Despite various responses students may have on the topic concerning which way is best to make a new friend, joining a sports team, participating in community activity or travelling. From my perspective, the best way for students to make a new friend is joining a sport team. On the one hand, doing sport is so popular for students and it enables students to have more chances to communicate with the new friend. On the other hand, the sport team can help students to develop their friendship easily. In this way, they can get along with the new friend well and the friendship will last long.
这段写得不错,但作为开头,你写得还是特长了点,后面的理由不妨放到后面来详细阐述,首段表达你的观点就OK.纯属个人之见.

First of all, doing sport is so popular in the campus that it provides students (加a chance)to make a new friend with the same interesting. Students with same interesting (换词, similar hobbies也OK阿)have many topics to talk, thus increasing better understanding with each others. Understanding each other better helps the friendship last for a long time. Thus joining a sport team is the best way to make friends for students. For instance, when I was a freshman, I joined in a badminton team. All the team members are crazy about playing badminton. We often talk about the strategy and skills when we play the badminton together. We discuss(注意下前后时态哦) our strengths and weaknesses during the practice to help each other to improve the skills. Helping each other seems to be beneficial to friendship, making it stronger and longer lasting.(不知道这个对不对,建议用last longer)

Furthermore, sporting team provides students more opportunities to communicate with the new friends, which is beneficial for the development of friendship. Because of regular training every week, students could have fix time to get long with the new friend, while they don’t have time to do so during the community activities or travelling. Through the conversation or cooperation, students could have opportunities to make good impression each other, which have a positive on the promotion of the friendship. For instance, during the cooperation to win the game, students could combine their efforts with friends and care about each other. When they win, they share the delight together and the sweet memory help to strengthen their friendship.

Admittedly, students can make new friends by participating community activities or traveling.(受教了,这种反驳发很好,更能支撑你的观点,呵呵) But the acquaintance of someone during the journey cannot develop the friendship for a long time. We have limited time to know more about each other. The brief communication on the play, which results in the establishment of new friendship, cannot enable us to form a long time(也可以换个term,免得重复) friendship. Thus thank to the frequent meet, it is more suitable to make new friends through a sport team, when comparing with the way of participating in community activity or traveling.

In sum, the benefits students got from a sport team making friends can never be overstated. Joining a sport team can not only make a friend with the same interesting, but also develop the friendship for a long time. Therefore, in order to make more friends, students should choose to join a sport team when facing the three choices.

综合点评: 语言功底深厚,看得出词汇运用自如,很不错. 最后点受教了! 值得学习~

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-12-23 20:26
TPO17 综合
In the lecture, the professor states that the argument in the reading passage is unconvincing. And she uses three specific points to cast doubt in the reading passage.

First of all, according to the listening material, the professor argues that as the human population increased, human indeed need more land to settle, (为啥在这话中间来点评呢?感觉你前面这个argue不清楚argue到哪打止,你至少得找个句话结束下,再来阐述prf的观点哦~)but human also created better larger area for birds to habitat. For instance, there are many eagles and pigpens(哈哈,我没写对~) in the city streets. Human civilization provides habitats for some birds. The population of some birds indeed decreases, but others birds’ population increase as the same time. Thus the argument in reading is unconvincing that the total birds' populations decrease.

Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the reading that the more and more land will (be used)use to develop agriculture in order to need the demand of increasing human population, the speaker assorts that in the future less and less lands (用被动哦)use to grow crops. Since people invent new crops, which are very productive to feed more people. Thus, more and more lands uses for the habitats of birds.

Finally, the lecturer points out that the chemical pesticides do less harm for the birds in the future. On the one hand, people can invent less toxic pesticides. On the other hand, human can grow insect resistant crop to produce food. And the chemical pesticides will use less and less in the future. Thus the birds destroyed by the chemical pesticides will reduce. The birds' population cannot (建议用won’t吧,cannon强硬了点,细细体味下哈~)decrease.

In sum, the statements in reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker, who uses three points to weaken the argument.(结尾不错)

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-24 12:27
23号的是21号的独立。请23号改的同学改这篇哦。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

The last decades have witnessed the dramatically economic growth. At the same time, we also hear the news that water pollution kills millions of villagers in the countryside. It is well know that environmental protection and economic development are all vital to us, because people cannot live a superior life without a good living environment. But we can not keep a balance between them. Especially at recent day, we have found that our surroundings are going from bad to worse due to economic development. Consequently, I argue that the administration should dedicate more money to the environmental protection rather than to economic progress.

Fundamentally, environmental protection costs more money than economic development. Experience tells us that humans can quickly wreck the natural environment, but repairing it is a long, arduous process. For instance, the government has to invest huge amount of money to purchase trees and hire more people to afforest the barren land. Besides, maintaining a big area is quite costly. What is more, government also invests more money on research of developing green renewable energy, which may replace the fossil fuels and contrite greatly to the environmental protection. In contrast, economic development does not need such large amount of money. What the government should do is to continuously carry out policies that can really help boost the whole economy and supervise and guide every individual economic participant. These will be some tasks that require less money.

Subsequently, no individual has enough money and power to impede the fatal threat to the environment, thus the government should not deny the necessary responsibility to protect the environment. It is the government that has to pay more money to protect our environment, because government acquisition of goods and services intended to create future benefits. Environment protection exerts long-term influences upon human beings and economic development. For example, protecting forests means we can have better air condition and more lumber supply in the future; protecting lakes and oceans means we can have cleaner water and more seafood. Both lumbers and water are crucial to the modern industry. However, it is barely possible for an individual investor to donate enough his income or savings to protect natural environment and consider the long-term merits instead of their own short-term payback

Admittedly, investing on economic development brings many benefits. It can make us more prosperous so that we can afford a great variety of merchandise. Additionally, it will aid the government to reduce the unemployment rate. However,no county in history has emerged as a major industrial power without creating a legacy environmental damage that can take decades and big dollops of public wealth to undo. Thus, I believe that preserve the environment is more fundamental. Otherwise, we will not be fine any more, not to mention relaxation, entertainment and so on. Therefore, government should expend more funds on protecting the environment.

Considering all the analysis above, I can safely come tothe conclusion that the government must focus its budgets more on ecological conservation rather than on economic advancement. Only in this way, can environment keep pace with the human and promote the advancement of the economy.

作者: 45573asdasd 时间: 2012-12-24 14:10
The last decades have witnessed the dramatically economic growth. At the same time, we also hear the news that water pollution kills millions of villagers in the countryside. It is well know that environmental protection and economic development are all vital to us, because people cannot live a superior life without a good living environment（好句）. But we can not keep a balance between them. Especially atin recent day, we have found that our surroundings are going from bad to worse due to economic development. Consequently, I argue（这个词的意思正好和你得逻辑反） that the administration should dedicate more money to the environmental protection rather than to economic progress.

Fundamentally, environmental protection costs more money than economic development. Experience tells us that humans can quickly wreck the natural environment, but repairing it is a long, arduous process. For instance, the government has to invest huge amount of money to purchase trees and hire more people to afforest the barren land. Besides, maintaining a big area is quite costly. What is more, government also invests more money on research of developing green renewable energy, which may replace the fossil fuels and contrite greatly to the environmental protection. In contrast, economic development does not need such large amount of money. What the government should do is to continuously carry out policies that can really help boost the whole economy and supervise and guide every individual economic participant. These will be some tasks that require less money.（这一段写的很好，但是你的逻辑和论点始终不清楚。你到底支持哪一个也没有明确指出。你的论证要递进式儿不是跳跃式）

Subsequently, no individual has enough money and power to impede the fatal threat to the environment, thus the government should not deny the necessary responsibility to protect the environment.It is the government that has to pay more money to protect our environment, because government acquisition of goods and services intended to create future benefits（黄的是亮点）. Environment protection exerts long-term influences upon human beings and economic development. For example, protecting forests means we can have better air condition and more lumber supply in the future; protecting lakes and oceans means we can have cleaner water and more seafood. Both lumbers and water are crucial to the modern industry. However, it is barely possible for an individual investor to donate enough his income or savings to protect natural environment and consider the long-term merits instead of their own short-term payback

Admittedly, investing on economic development brings many benefits. It can make us more prosperous so that we can afford a great variety of merchandise. Additionally, it will aid the government to reduce the unemployment rate. However,no county in history has emerged as a major industrial power without creating a legacy environmental damage that can take decades and big dollops of public wealth to undo. Thus, I believe that preserve the environment is more fundamental. Otherwise, we will not be fine any more, not to mention relaxation, entertainment and so on. Therefore, government should expend more funds on protecting the environment.

Considering all the analysis above, I can safely come tothe conclusion that the government must focus its budgets more on ecological conservation rather than on economic advancement. Only in this way, can environment keep pace with the human and promote the advancement of the economy.
很不错了，你的词语掌握比我好。但我觉得这不太可能是30min的作品。你可以试着精简一些，你这篇文章中很多可有可无的重复性语言。。以后别再串着写作业了。
加油

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-25 17:03
我的文章我自己都感觉我在凑字数。很多都是左想想右凑凑来的。还没有达到文思泉涌的境界。哎刚开始练习。能写出来就好。慢慢的修改。争取30分钟敲出像样的文章。

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-25 17:05
24号独立

Independent Writing: Is it easier to maintain good health than in the past?

The last decades have witnessed the diversity of food supply, the improvement of medical resource and the soundness of sports facilities. The resource people received nowadays to keep fit are abundant. I firmly believe that it is easier to maintain good health than in the past. My reasons are stated as follow.

Fundamentally, the medical treatments improved dramatically to facilitate people to keep healthy in recent years. On the one hand, the technology development t helps to deal with some diseases, which used to puzzle to medical science. Thus medical advance means people can easily to maintain good health than in the past. On the other hand, government pays more attention on rural area medical development.It is well known that in the countryside many people died each year due to lacking of medical resource in the past. But now many hospitals are built each year in the country, and many skillful doctors are wiling to work in the countryside to help citizens to improve their healthy condition. The improvement of hospital and clinics in the poor countryside and the decrease in price of essential medicines enable more people to take care of their physical condition easily. A recent survey shows that 95% people in the country can receive timely medical treatments now. But 30 years ago, only 30% people can afford the medical treatments. The medical advance in modern society helps people to maintain healthy more easily compared to 30 years ago.

Subsequently, various food supply enable people to eat healthy nutrition to meet the physical need. People can choose what they like in the supermarket since all kinds of food are available. Thus it is easily to keep fit now. It is well known that in the past people could just solve the closing and food problems let alone to the problem of malnutrition, which made many children cannot grow well. But in recent years, with the development of economical and improvement of people’s living standard, food diversity plays an important on maintaining healthy for every citizen. For instance, my cousin, a primary school student, can eat different kinds of food in the school dining room. His constitution is very sturdy. But 30 years ago, when my parents went to primary school, they suffered many diseases due to malnutrition. All of these illustrate that people can easily keep fit in the modern society.

Finally, people become more and more aware of doing exercise regularly. Doing sport and outdoor activities can help people to release stress and pressure from work and study, thus improving their health condition. For instance, in my company, our employees organize sport and activities three times every week. All staff can go to the Gyms to do sport, such as playing basket, badminton and Ping pong. The regularly practice reduce the pressure in the work, thus keeping fit and improving work efficiency.

In sum, the statements above illustrate that people can easily to maintain healthy than in the past. Not only the improvement of medical treatments but also the diversity of food supply helps people to keep fit. The strong aware of practice also plays a vital role on the maintaining fit.
在平安夜写的文章，总是在那里凑字数的感觉。文章空洞得要命。感觉中文有很多话说，但是用英文就词穷了。哎，英文功底太差了。写一篇文章都要花一个晚上，都在那里走查查右看看的写。

作者: 45573asdasd 时间: 2012-12-25 17:23
The last decades have witnessed the diversity of food supply, the improvement of medical resource and the soundness of sports facilities. The resource people received nowadays to keep fit are abundant. I firmly believe that it is easier to maintain good health than in the past. My reasons are stated as follow（不确定啊，as后面跟从句吧）.

Fundamentally, the medical treatments improved dramatically to facilitate people to keep healthy in recent years（没谓语medical 不能自己improve。用被动）. On the one hand, the technology development t helps to deal with some diseases, which used to puzzle to medical science（就算这句话是对的也好生硬啊）. Thus medical advance means people can easily to maintain good health than in the past. On the other hand, government pays more attention on deelopment.It is vrural area medical well known that in the countryside many people died each year due to lacking of medical resource in the past. But now many hospitals are built each year in the country, and many skillful doctors are wiling to work in the countryside to help citizens to improve their healthy condition. The improvement of hospital and clinics in the poor countryside and the decrease in price of essential medicines enable more people to take care of their physical condition easily. A recent survey shows that 95% people in the country can receive timely medical treatments now. But 30 years ago, only 30% people can afford the medical treatments. The medical advance in modern society helps people to maintain healthy more easily compared to 30 years ago（great）.

Subsequently, various food supply enables people to eat healthy nutrition（你一定要注意形容词搭配，healthy不能修饰nutr） to meet the physical need. People can choose what they like in the supermarket since all kinds of food are available. Thus it is easily to keep fit now. It is well known that in the past people could just solve the closing and food problems let alone to the problem of malnutrition, which made many children cannot grow well. ~~But in recent years, with the development of economical and improvement of people’s living standard, food diversity plays an important on maintaining healthy for every citizen~~.（基本是重复） For instance, my cousin, a primary school student, can eat different kinds of food in the school dining room. His constitution（词汇量挺大，我都不知道还有这个意思，但是直接he is sturdy会感觉自然些） is very sturdy. But 30 years ago, when my parents went to primary school, they suffered many diseases due to malnutrition. All of these illustrate that people can easily keep fit in the modern society.

Finally, people become more and more aware of doing exercise regularly. Doing sport and outdoor activities can help people to release stress and pressure from work and study, thus improving their health condition. For instance, in my company, our employees organize sport and activities three times every week. All staff can go to the Gyms to do sport, such as playing basket, badminton and Ping pong. The regularly practice reduce the pressure in the work, thus keeping fit and improving work efficiency.
（有高分的潜质，推荐最后一段加一个让步论证，更客观。注意词语搭配和长短句交替）

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-26 20:45
25号和26号的一起写了，昨天没有占座
25 December
Independent Writing: Should company use public recognition to reward hard working, not to use money.
Integrated Writing: TPO 20

26 December
Independent Writing: Most problems can be solved by people or their families, help from the government is unnecessary.
Integrated Writing: TPO 21

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-26 23:38
26号的独立

As individuals, we are confronted with several of unexpected problems. Sometimes these problems can be solved by us. Sometimes, they are too difficult for us to handle with due to the limited resources an individual has. As a result, the government intervention is required to assist individuals who require help in the areas such as health care, disasters relief, and public works projects.

First of all, many things we can not to handle with by ourselves due to the limited resources an individual has. But the government can possess resources to tackle a difficult problem. For example, if we suffer large-scale disasters, such as the recent earthquake in Japan. All the families have been buried by the collapsed house. At that time we individual can not solve the problem. We have no specialized skills or equipments to help ourselves to escape from this disaster .But the government have a lot of resources, such as medical facilities to help us to escape from the disasters. Although friends and the family of the disasters victims can contribute to recovery, it is different for these victims to access to adequate food and water. Only through support from the government can victims obtain necessities such as drinking water, drug and tents. And from the help of the government, we can rebuild our home.

Secondly, health care require the government to grantee the service of the hospital and the quality of the medicine. We also need the aid of the government to keep the drug prices stable. Without rigorous policies to address hospitals and medication, patients suffer from poor health care. For instance, our country government slashed the maximum retail price for more than 1000 types of antibiotics and circulatory system drugs. This important reform by the government significantly reduces the financial burden of patients as well as their families.
Admittedly, individual can do many things to improve their life, such as learning skills from the family and friends, studying hard to become a qualitified person to the society. However, the government can do a lot to support the learning of the citizens. For example, I was born in a small town, my parents are farmers, and they earn little money every year by cultivating the vegetable. In my family, parents have to spend lots of money on the drugs for my grandpa. Therefore, there is no enough money for my family to afford my tuition. Fortunately, there are loans and funding of the government to endow the student whose family is poor. By this way I finish my career in the university. As you can see, I would quit the university without the government help because it is impossible for me to borrow such an amount of money.

All in all, we need the help from the government in many areas. With the help of the government; we individuals can solve the problems quickly. It is any government's responsibility to enable its people to have a safe, health and enjoyable life.

作者: starlee 时间: 2012-12-27 17:58

26号的独立

As individuals, we are confronted with several of unexpected problems. Sometimes these problems can be solved by us. Sometimes, they are too difficult for us to handle with due to the limited resources an individual has. As a result, the government intervention is required to assist individuals who require help in the areas such as health care, disasters relief, and public works projects.

First of all, many things we can not to handle with by ourselves due to the limited resources an individual has. But the government can possess resources to tackle a difficult problem. For example, if we suffer large-scale一般用来形容大规模的设备、企业等，不知是否可以修饰disaster，这里我会用serious disasters, such as the recent earthquake in Japan. All the families have been这里我认为用过去时态更确切were buried by the collapsed house. At that time那时句子时态为过去时，假如要用一般现在时应该为在这种情况下，因此后面时态都不对，要么改成In this affair, we individual can not solve the problem. We have no specialized skills or equipments to help ourselves to escape from this disaster .But the government have a lot of resources, such as medical facilities to help us to escape from the disasters. Although friends and the family of the disasters victims此处表达不是很好 can contribute to recovery, it is different for these victims to access to adequate food and water. Only through support from the government can victims obtain necessities such as drinking water, drug and tents. And from the help of the government, we can rebuild our home.

Secondly, health care require the government to grantee是否拼写错误guarantee保证 the service of the hospital and the quality of the medicine. We also need the aid of the government to keep the drug prices stable. Without rigorous policies to address hospitals and medication, patients suffer from poor health care此处语法不清楚是否正确. For instance, our country government slashed the maximum retail price for more than 1000 types of antibiotics and circulatory system drugs. This important reform by the government significantly reduces the financial burden of patients as well as their families.
Admittedly,individual can do many things to improve their life（主要主谓一致）, such as learning skills from the family and friends, studying hard to become a qualitified person to the society. However, the government can do a lot to support the learning of the citizens令人费解的表达方式干脆用education好了. For example, I was born in a small town, my parents are farmers, and they earn little money every year by cultivating the vegetable. In my family, parents have to spend lots of money on the drugs for my grandpa. Therefore, there is no enough money for my family to afford my tuition. Fortunately, there are loans and funding of the government to endow the student whose family is poor. By this way I finish时态错误 my career in the university. As you can see, I would quit the university without the government help because it is impossible for me to borrow such an amount of money.

All in all, we need the help from the government in many areas. With the help of the government; we individuals can solve the problems quickly. It is any government's responsibility to enable its people to have a safe, health and enjoyable life.

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2012/12/26 23:38:23)

comment:词汇量不错，苦了我了，各种查字典，文章结构ok 1-3-1，除了红色部分有问题，其余标出都是亮点。
文中多次用到family 单复数搞来搞去真心累啊，倒不如family指代成员时改称family members这样还能增加文章字数，还有就是文中有些表达不是很好，
加油吧

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-28 15:19
27号的同学，帮忙改这篇哦。谢谢了

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness, one thing that Aristotle defined as intrinsic value for everyone, is pursuit by everyone for the whole life. It is indisputable that everyone wishes to be happy every day. What elements make us happy, the jobs or social life with friends and families? Some people believe that the jobs determine happiness everyday. But others are convinced that social life plays an important role on happiness. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that social life make people happier than the jobs.

First of all, social life involved time with family, which is the basic of a person's happiness. Happiness derives from harmony with family and living in a harmony family enables people to be happy everyday. The reason is that when we live in a harmony family we often get help from family members and share joy and tear with family members. For instance, when spending fixed time with family every day, I can talk about everything happened in daytime with my family. The discussion helps me to find solutions to my problems happened in the daytime, thus increasing my happy to some extent. Sitting together to enjoy tasteful dishes with my dad and mom, playing online games with my brother and sharing recent anecdote with sister all make me happy. Every time I spent time with my family, I felt happy from deep inside, which cannot be acquired outside home, for example, job.

Furthermore, happiness comes from enjoying social life with our friends, which enrich our spare time. During the interaction in social life, people can make many new friends with numerous people with same interesting. With the same interesting will bring much happiness to us. For instance, I always go out with my friends for fun. We go hiking, swimming, skiing and so forth. My friends and I even found a bicycle team to ride a bike every weekend to release pressure from work. Doing this sport make me happy and improve my healthy. Thus social life with friends is the source of happiness.

Admittedly, our job could also create happiness at certain circumstance. We will be happy by the new that the bosses raise our salary because we just stay late to accomplish a project, which makes a big deal for the company. However, we can’t ignore the negative side that we’re suffering considerable pressure from work, which is extremely awful for our health. Thus, all of the above joyfulness does not come from the job itself, but the harvest at the cost of high pressure and long time to stay up late or all night. Therefore, the transient pleasure is far less than the pain people are experiencing.

After ruminating all those factors above, I hold a viewpoint that our social life does have influenced our happiness more than our jobs, despite jobs do an occasional favor as well.

作者: bet 时间: 2012-12-29 11:14
改27号

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Happiness, one thing that Aristotle defined as intrinsic value for everyone, is pursuit（pursued） by everyone for the whole life. It is indisputable that everyone wishes to be happy every day. What elements make us happy, the jobs or social life with friends and families? Some people believe that the jobs determine happiness every day. But others are convinced that social life plays an important role on happiness. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that social life make people happier than the jobs.

First of all, social life involved time with family, which is the basic of a person's happiness. Happiness derives from harmony with family, and living in a harmony family enables people to be happy every day. The reason is that when we live in a harmony family we often get help from family members and share joy and tear with family members. For instance, when spending fixed time with family every day, I can talk about everything happened in daytime with my family. The discussion helps me to find solutions to my problems happened in the daytime, thus increasing my happiness to some extent. Sitting together to enjoy tasteful dishes with my dad and mom, playing online games with my brother and sharing recent anecdote with my sister all make me happy. Every time I spent time with my family, I felt happy from deep(可以直接用一般现在时) inside, which cannot be acquired outside home, for example, job.（这句读起来有点儿别扭，可以把outside home改成by other things）

Furthermore, happiness comes from enjoying social life with our friends, which enriches our spare time. During the interaction in social life, people can make many new friends with numerous people with same interest. With(删) the same interesting will bring much happiness to us. For instance, I always go out with my friends for fun. We go hiking, swimming, skiing and so forth. My friends and I even found（改成就joined） a bicycle team to ride a bike every weekend to release pressure from work. Doing this sport makes me happy and improves my healthy. Thus social life with friends is the source of happiness.

Admittedly, our job could also create happiness at certain circumstance. We will be happy by the new(news?) that the bosses raise our salary because we just stay late to accomplish a project, which makes(删，否则不通) a big deal for the company. However, we cannot(不要用缩写) ignore the negative side that we are(不要用缩写)suffering considerable pressure from work, which is extremely awful for our health. Thus, all of the above joyfulness does not come from the job itself, but from the harvest at the cost of high pressure and long time to stay up late or all night. Therefore, the transient pleasure is far less than the pain people are experiencing.

After ruminating all those factors above, I hold a viewpoint that our social life does have influenced(这是时态混搭了啊) our happiness more than our jobs, despite jobs do an occasional favor as well.

红色是我标记的和做出微调的地方，都是小错误，主要需注意时态和缩写。表达流畅，论证清晰有力，写的很好。高亮是我要学习的好词好句，加油～

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-29 17:11
28号的独立写作

Do you agree that students taking school organization and activities club are as important as their academic class.

The rich and colorful campus life involves not only having excellence performance in academic study but also developing communication skills and team work spirit. An increasing number of students are beginning to realize that they can learn a lot from taking extra-curricular activities or participating student organization. Thus I am of the opinion that the benefits learned from activities are as vital as academic performance.

Fundamentally, taking school organization or activities enables students to apply what they have learnt from academic study. It will provide a chance for students to use the knowledge in the real word. For instance, I was a member of students union. Our department planed to hold New Year party last semester. We had to do make a budget. Since I was majoring in accounting, the department leader asked me to make the budget. It did give me an opportunity to apply what I learned from academic study. I analyzed the projects and made a suitable budget for the party. According to my budget, the party successfully completed. This opportunity let me realize the importance of joining a club or participating school organization. It will help students to understand what they learned from the academic and prepared for the future jobs.

Subsequently, joining school activity or organization can enhance students’ communication skills, which are important for future career. It is well known that communication capacity plays an essential role in our daily life. No matter what major we focus on, we have to talk with others .Excellent communication ability may help us to do things well. And participating in students activities involved a lot of communication with others. Students can use these opportunities to strengthen their communication skills. For instance, my roommate, Lucy, who was a shy girl, was good at playing Cello. We all encouraged her to run for the president of student music club. Running for the president means she had to speak in the pubic and persuade different people to support her. During this experience she learned to communicate with different people. Finally she was successfully elected to the president of student music club. And during her two years presidency, she organized more than twenty activities for her club members and she became an out-going girl since then. Our roommates are all happy with her personal development. Thanks to the school activities, they not only let students to experience a colorful life in the campus but also help students to develop their abilities.

Admittedly, participating activities occupy students’ a lot of time. It may influence students’ academic study if students cannot keep a balance between study and activities. However, time management is a hot topic for students to learn when they are just at school. When facing time conflict issue, students can learn what things will put into the priority to do. This experience helps them to know their energy and efficiency well, thus preparing for their future career.

From the discussion above, I firmly believe that the students can benefit a lot from the school activities. Thus participating organization is as important as academic studies. Both of them facilitate the development of student’s future career.

这文章写得真心水。花2个小时不说。哎。怎么控制时间是个问题了。

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-12-29 21:28
标题: 改28独立！

Do you agree that students taking school organization and activities club are as important as their academic class.

The rich and colorful campus life involves not only having excellence performance in academic study but also developing communication skills and team work spirit. An increasing number of students are beginning to realize that they can learn a lot from taking extra-curricular activities or participating student organization. Thus I am of the opinion that the benefits learned from activities are as vital as academic performance.

Fundamentally, taking school organization or activities enables students to apply what they have learnt from academic study. It will provide a chance for students to use the knowledge in the real word. For instance, I was a member of students union. Our department planed to hold New Year party last semester. We had to do make a budget. Since I was majoring in accounting, the department leader asked me to make the budget. It did give me an opportunity to apply what I learned from academic study. I analyzed the projects and made a suitable budget for the party. According to my budget, the party (was )successfully completed. This opportunity let me realize the importance of joining a club or participating school organization. It will help students to understand what they learned from the academic and prepared for the future jobs.

Subsequently, joining school activity or organization can enhance students’ communication skills, which are important for future career. It is well known that communication capacity plays an essential role in our daily life. No matter what major we focus on, we have to talk with others .Excellent communication ability may help us to do things well. And participating in students activities involved a lot of communication with others. Students can use these opportunities to strengthen their communication skills. For instance, my roommate, Lucy, who was a shy girl, was good at playing Cello. We all encouraged her to run for the president of student music club. Running for the president means she had to speak in the pubic and persuade different people to support her. During this experience she learned to communicate with different people. Finally she was successfully elected to the president of student music club. And during her two years presidency, she organized more than twenty activities for her club members and she became an out-going girl since then. Our roommates are all happy with her personal development. Thanks to the school activities, they not only let(led) students to experience a colorful life in the campus but also help students to develop their abilities.

Admittedly, participating activities occupy students’ a lot of time. It may influence students’ academic study if students cannot keep a balance between study and activities. However, time management is a hot topic for students to learn when they are just at school.（表达很让人疑惑）When facing time conflict issue, students can learn what things will put into the priority to do.(这后面的to do有点redundancy，可以直接说 what things should be given the priority)This experience helps them to know their energy and efficiency well, thus preparing for their future career.

From the discussion above, I firmly believe that the students can benefit a lot from the school activities. Thus participating organization is as important as academic studies. Both of them facilitate the development of student’s future career.

还是很不错的说哦。羡慕你的字数加例子。
恩恩控制时间吧！加油！

作者: brace1016 时间: 2012-12-30 23:30
机经作文。
which of the following three factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? A good food. B. good location. C good friends with you.

Vacation some people claims to bring peace, love and goodwill toward all. Yet for some people, the holiday often means stress, fatigue, pressure, disappointment and loneliness. What contributes to an enjoyable vacation arouses public attention. From my perspective, good friends play a crucial role in an unforgettable vacation. They not only bring fun to me but also help me to understand the food eating during the vacation and know more about the places I visited when we are at vacation.

Fundamentally, good friend with me during the vacation means we can communicate with each other about the places we visited and the food we eat. Good friends who have a variety of knowledge can help me understand the food I eat and the interesting of places I visit, increasing fun for me during the whole vacation. It is acknowledged that the purpose of vacation is to relax ourselves. But the experience we gained from vacation enriches our lives and forms a longtime time memory. I still remembered when I first visited Beijing, the capital of china, which is famous for ancient culture and prestigious Peking roast duck. I almost knew nothing about the history of various ancient houses. But my best friend Lucy, who is interested about Chinese history, offered me lots of assistance. She explained how old the Forbidden City is and shared me with interesting things happened in the past. I can imagine how boring of the vacation without accompanying by Lucy. It is not only the beautiful scenery but also the knowledge that lead to a meaningful trip. Thus good friends accompany during the vacation increase fun and broaden horizon.

Subsequently, accompanying by good friends during vacation helps to deal with emergency, which reduces the fun of the trip. and a humorous friend makes vacation more colorful even we meet some difficulties. And the help from my friends at he holiday facilitates me deal with the problems easily and continuous to look for fun. The example of my trip to Bali Island proves my view perfectly. I traveled to Bali Island with my friend Susan last year. When we all enjoyed swimming in the sea, I suddenly got a cramp in the leg and had to be helped out of water. My friend Susan quickly dragged me out of water and massaged my muscle. After I recovered, we continued to see local show. Thus it is not the scenery but my friend gave me a wonderful time.

Admittedly, Good food and a good location can greatly improve holiday, but bad food and a bad location do not necessarily spoil one. In fact, some of my happiest holiday memories are of those that went wrong in many ways: disappointing hotels, terrible weather, and transportation mishaps. However, sharing those experiences with my friends made them a lot of fun, and left me with some good stories to tell. In contrast, all the beautiful views and delicious food in the world cannot overcome the unpleasantness of ongoing conflict between travelling companions.

Taking all these factors into account, it is apparent that a good friend contributes to an enjoyable vacation most. Every one needs to be accompanied and understood all the time. Together with a bona fide friend, our vacation will be more enjoyable.

作者: brace1016 时间: 2013-1-1 13:19
机经作文
Colleges and universities should offer a better job preparation before they start working.

As industries develop, work opportunity grows, while competition increases as well. It can be widely seen that every graduate wants to find a perfect job. Therefore, how they stand out from thousands of people will be depended largely on how much they had grasped in a wide range of knowledge, in a sense. Under this circumstance, I full agree that the colleges and universities should provide more courses to equip students with well-rounded information ready for the upcoming challenge before they step into society. I hold a favorable attitude toward it.

First of all, for majority of college students, they have got plenty of theoretical knowledge after four years’ study. Nevertheless, they have few opportunities to put into practice and don’t know how to apply knowledge in actual work. Hence, the colleges and universities should offer more chance to let students to do some social practice and take part in internships. Only in this way, students can get familiar with the society, enhance their competiveness and get a good physical and mental preparation before starting work. Take my university for example, my major is Management of Tourism and my college always provides lots of opportunities to let us practice in travel agencies. As a result, before graduated, a number of classmates had recruited by these travel agencies and they can get job easily due to the various working experience.

Furthermore, job preparation offered by universities can make students realize what kind of jobs is suitable for them. Many students don’t know clearly what career orientations they want to pursue for in the four years’ study. The latest surveys conducted by China daily showed that still 70% of graduating students in my county have no idea on what types of jobs they are suited to after graduate. Thus, it is necessary for college and university to open certain selective course or give some lectures to let students get a clear understanding with themselves and set up their career goals. For instance, my friend Jason does not know what kind of job he is intended to apply for. Obviously, he has no clear planning for his future. So he attended a short-tern course named Self-explore, which was provide by graduate vocational counsel. After taking this course, he recognized his superiority and advantages and then he began to hunt for a job confidently and positively. Now, he is satisfied with his job very much.

Last but not least, a good job preparation can not only benefit the students but also boost the school’s reputation. It is clear that if students find ideal jobs and work in the companies outstandingly, universities will acquire increasing reputation among both potential applicants and corporations. Every company wants to recruit high-quality graduates, who can adapt the working environment and society more quickly. So if a school always cultivates such exceptional students, companies are absolutely willing to carry out the job fairs in this school, increasing high employment rate of this school and building up recognition and reputation.

To sum up, offering a better job preparation not only enables students to get competitive and make much clearer career goal, but also promotes the schools’ reputations.

作者: lillian馨 时间: 2013-1-1 14:22
which of the following three factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? A good food. B. good location. C good friends with you.

Vacation some people claims to bring peace, love and goodwill toward all (这句话没谓语： some people claim that vacation can bring peace, love and goodwill toward all ). Yet for some people, the holiday often means stress, fatigue, pressure, disappointment and loneliness. What contributes to an enjoyable vacation arouses public attention. From my perspective, good friends play a crucial role in an unforgettable vacation. They not only bring fun to me but also help me to understand the food eating during the vacation and know more about the places I visited when we are at vacation.(我懂你这句话什么意思，你应该是让know more about the places 和understand the food eating 并列吧？我感觉这样表达有点罗嗦：你看一下这样行不：they not only bring fun to me but also make me familiar with eating and scenery spots during the vacation)

Fundamentally, good friend with me during the vacation means we can communicate with each other about the places we visited and the food we eat.(这两个动词的时态得一致) Good friends who have a variety of knowledge can help me understand the food I eat and the interesting of places I visit, increasing fun for me during the whole vacation. It is acknowledged that the purpose of vacation is to relax ourselves. But the experience we gained from vacation enriches our lives and forms a longtime time memory. I still remembered （这个是你现在记得可以用一般现在时）(觉得这里得加上the time) when I first visited Beijing, the capital of china, which is famous for ancient culture and prestigious Peking roast duck. I almost knew nothing about the history of various ancient houses. But my best friend Lucy, who is interested about Chinese history, offered me lots of assistance. She explained how old the Forbidden City is and shared me with interesting things（应该是share sth. With sb.改成shared interesting things with me.. 但是你后面又有定语，所以可以把with me 提前： shared with me interesting things having happened in the past）happened in the past. I can imagine how boring of the vacation（这句用虚拟语气多适合啊：how boring the vacation would have been）without accompanying by Lucy(without Lucy as an accompanier). It is not only the beautiful scenery but also the knowledge that lead (not only…but also…就近原则，应该用单数形式：leads) to a meaningful trip. Thus good friends accompany (我查了一下它只能作动词的：the accompanying of good friends) during the vacation increase (increases) fun and broaden(broadens) horizon.

Subsequently, accompanying by good friends during vacation helps to deal with emergency, which reduces the fun of the trip (which may make the fun of the trip fade)and a humorous friend makes vacation more colorful even (少了when) we meet some difficulties.(你这句and后面这句话直接在which引导的从句加上，很让人引起误会以为是和which并列的，所以不合适，分开写最好) And the help from my friends at the holiday facilitates me deal with the problems easily (facilitate sb. 我不知道行不行，我查了一下例句也都是跟的sth. ：facilitates the process to deal with urgent affairs and makes it likely for me to keep on looking for fun ) and continuous to look for fun. The example of my trip to Bali Island proves my view perfectly. I traveled to Bali Island with my friend Susan last year. When we all enjoyed swimming in the sea, I suddenly got a cramp in the leg and had to be helped out of water. My friend Susan quickly dragged me out of water and massaged my muscle. After I recovered, we continued to see local show. Thus it is not the scenery but my friend (强调句式少了that) gave me a wonderful time.

Admittedly, Good food and a good location can greatly improve holiday, but bad food and a bad location do not necessarily spoil one. In fact, some of my happiest holiday memories are of those that went wrong in many ways: disappointing hotels, terrible weather, and transportation mishaps. However, sharing those experiences with my friends made (brought) them a lot of fun, and left me ~~with~~ some good stories to tell. In contrast, all the beautiful views and delicious food in the world cannot overcome the unpleasantness of ongoing conflict between travelling companions.(我感觉however后面这两句不用要你的反驳就很好了)

Taking all these factors into account, it is apparent that a good friend contributes to an enjoyable vacation most. Every one needs to be accompanied and understood all the time. Together with a bona fide friend, our vacation（应该是we 与bona fide friend 一起，这里主语用our vacation 逻辑上不合适） will be more enjoyable

作者: bet 时间: 2013-1-2 00:55
改——机经作文
Colleges and universities should offer a better job preparation before they start working.

As industries develop, work opportunity grows, while competition increases as well. It can be widely seen that every graduate wants to find a perfect job. Therefore, how they stand out from thousands of people will be depended largely on how much they had(时态不用过去完成时) grasped in a wide range of knowledge, in a sense. Under this circumstance, I full agree that the colleges and universities should provide more courses to equip students with well-rounded information ready for the upcoming challenge before they step into society. I hold a favorable attitude toward it.

First of all, for majority of college students, they have got plenty of theoretical knowledge after four years’ study. Nevertheless, they have few opportunities to put it into practice and don’t know how to apply knowledge in actual work(可改成it works，否则和前面半句重复). Hence, the colleges and universities should offer more chances to let students to（删） do some social practice and take part in internships. Only in this way, students can get familiar with the society, enhance their competiveness and get a good physical and mental preparation before starting work. Take my university for example, my major is Management of Tourism and my college always provides lots of opportunities to let us practice in travel agencies. As a result, before graduation, a number of my classmates had recruited by these(删) travel agencies and they can get job easily due to the（删） various working experiences.

Furthermore, job preparation offered by universities can make students realize what kind of jobs is suitable for them. Many students don’t know clearly what career orientations they want to pursue for in the four years’ study. The latest surveys conducted by China daily showed that still 70% of graduating students in my county have no idea on what types of jobs they are suited to after graduation. Thus, it is necessary for college and university to open certain selective course or give some lectures to let students get a clear understanding with themselves and set up their career goals. For instance, my friend Jason does not know what kind of job he is intended to apply for. Obviously, he has no clear planning for his future. So he attended a short-term course named Self-explore, which was provided by graduate vocational counsel. After taking this course, he recognized his superiority and advantages and then he began to hunt for a job confidently and positively. Now, he is satisfied with his job very much.

Last but not least, a good job preparation can not only benefit the students but also boost the school’s reputation.(这个观点好啊！) It is clear that if students find ideal jobs and work in the companies outstandingly, universities will acquire increasing reputation among both potential applicants and corporations. Every company wants to recruit high-quality graduates, who can adapt the working environment and society more quickly. So if a school always cultivates such exceptional students, companies are absolutely willing to carry out the（改成hold） job fairs in this school, increasing high employment rate of this school and building up recognition and reputation.

To sum up, offering a better job preparation not only enables students to get competitive and make much clearer career goal, but also promotes the schools’ reputations.

注意定冠词（多余的the比较多）和名词形容词的使用（比如graduate用那种形式），还是小问题啦～非常喜欢你的倒数第二段，观点好，表达也非常清晰流畅～继续加油：）

作者: brace1016 时间: 2013-1-5 22:05
5号的独立，机经作文。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend

So profound influence friends exert on us that we share happiness and sorrow, set up goals and struggle together and give each other a hand when in need. And we have been taught to be honest to our friends since we were young. Some people hold the view that it is right to be completely honest with our friends. But with time passing by, we find it hard to do so all the time, so from my perspective, I prefer to endorse that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend all the time.
Fundamentally, under certain circumstance, we have no choice but make a white lie to our friends in order to protect our friends. People make white lies not to hurt their friends' feelings sometimes. Bad news happens everyday. Sometimes the receiver is just not ready enough to really take the truth. Take my sister Grace for example, last semester; she was eager to borrow a guitar from her roommate. And before she got that guitar, her roommate, Lucy, who was really careful with her guitar, told her several times that she should take good care of her guitar. However, the tragedy really happened. Grace broke the invaluable guitar by not on purpose, and she was so frightened that she dare not tell the truth to her roommate, because everyone knows that the broken guitar is so meaningful to Lucy. Then, she made up her mind that she planned to say that everything is all right in that Lucy would go crazy and give up her important exam if she was informed of this bad news. Finally, knowing nothing about her guitar, Lucy passed her exam successfully, and Grace sent a new guitar to Lucy to amend her mistakes. Therefore, sometime, complete honest may not the best choice for us and our friends.

Subsequently, sometimes we are dishonest to our friends is to keep our privacy. Every person in the modern society with explosion of information has the right to protect individual privacy. Complete honest refers to that we have to expose ourselves without any thing remains for us. It will definitely sacrifice privacy if stick to be a complete honest person and trusting friends thoroughly might lead to pandemonium. For instance, my brother, Jim who came from a single mother family, had a best friend, Tom, who lived in the same dormitory with my brother in the university. My brother is completely honest with Sam, and told the details of family condition to Sam gradually. One day, my brother was laughed at by other students, who called him a no father boy when they had a quarrel, since Tom told others unconsciously about my brother’s family condition. Therefore, even to best friend, one is unnecessary to reveal the detail of privacy especially the family condition

Admittedly, being honest is not only the vital part of moral integrity, but it is also the basic necessity to maintain friendship and interpersonal relationship. My mother often inculcated me that one person should be honest with others especially with friends since I was a little girl. However, we need to be honest to our friends, but not completely.

In conclusion, even if the honesty is the basis of friendship, it is impossible for modern people to be completely honest with friends due to individual privacy. Furthermore, being dishonest to friends sometimes is to protect friends and let things go well.

作者: shanhunian 时间: 2013-1-8 23:15
不好意思，现在才上网看到，很抱歉，很抱歉。。。之前都是同学帮我上传作文的。。

So profound influence friends exert on us that we share happiness and sorrow, set up goals and struggle together and give each other a hand when in need. And we have been taught to be honest to our friends since we were young. Some people hold the view that it is right to be completely honest with our friends. But with time passing by, we find it hard to do so all the time, so from my perspective, I prefer to endorse that it is impossible to be completely honest with your（用our好些把，文章中尽量少用you第二人称哦。。） friend all the time（尽量不重复使用短语多次哦，always可以代替.尤其在开头）
Fundamentally, under certain circumstance, we have no choice but make a white lie to our friends in order to protect our friends. People make white lies（加个 would或could情态动词感觉会好些。。） not to hurt their friends' feelings sometimes. Bad news happens everyday. Sometimes（使用频率有点高了） the receiver is just not ready enough to really take the truth. Take my sister Grace for example, last semester，she was eager to borrow a guitar from her roommate. And before she got that guitar, her roommate, Lucy, who was really careful with her guitar, told her several times that she should take good care of her guitar. However, the tragedy really happened. Grace broke the invaluable guitar by not on purpose, and she was so frightened that she dare not tell the truth to her roommate, because everyone knows that the broken guitar is so meaningful to Lucy. Then, she made up her mind that she planned to （有点中式表达了，可以去掉把）say that everything is all right in that Lucy would go crazy and give up her important exam if she was informed of this bad news. Finally, knowing nothing about her guitar, Lucy passed her exam successfully, and Grace sent a new guitar to Lucy to amend her mistakes. Therefore, sometime（加s), complete honest may not the best choice for us and our friends.（结论的话，感觉直接的结论会比间接的结论好些，这段的主题是特殊情况下，善意的谎言是需要的，所以直接说特定情况下善意的谎言是必须的就可以了。）

Subsequently, sometimes we are dishonest to our friends is to keep our privacy.（主题句，是要明确的态度，立场坚定的句子，所以出现sometimes不是很有利。） Every person in the modern society with explosion of information has the right to protect individual privacy. Complete honest refers to（不需要to把，这里） that we have to expose ourselves without any thing remains for us. It will definitely sacrifice privacy if （少主语，加个we把）stick to be a complete honest person and trusting（trust) friends thoroughly might lead to pandemoniu(might lead to..后面的就不要了把）. For instance, my brother, Jim who came from a single mother family, had a best friend, Tom, who lived in the same dormitory with my brother in the university. My brother is completely honest with Sam, and told（注意时态哦，tells) the details of family condition to Sam gradually. One day, my brother was laughed at by other students, who called him a no father boy when they had a quarrel, since Tom told others unconsciously about my brother’s family condition(家境吗，用family circumstance好些把）. Therefore, even to best friend, one is unnecessary to reveal the detail of privacy ，especially the family condition

Admittedly, being honest is not only the vital part of moral integrity, but it is（省略it is ) also the basic necessity to maintain friendship and interpersonal relationship. （主题句包括的方面过多，后面阐述的话有难度哦）My mother often inculcated me that one person should be honest with others especially with friends since I was a little girl. However, we need to be honest to our friends, but not completely. （这段内容过少了哦，不够充分说明观点）

In conclusion, even if the honesty is the basis of friendship, it is impossible for modern people to be completely honest with friends due to individual privacy. Furthermore, being dishonest to friends sometimes is to protect friends and let things go well.
总评：
1，全文思路很清晰，逻辑也强哦，内容也充分阐述哦。
2，个别词使用过多了，注意同意转换把。
3，句子表达有些中式了，呵呵，多练习，写写漂亮的句子拿高分，嘿嘿。

作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-1-10 22:27
亲，1.9的独立？

作者: brace1016 时间: 2013-1-10 22:59
9号独立写作
Nowadays, more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money.

No one can deny that pets are the best friends of human beings. Nowadays, an increasing number of people consider pets as an indivisible part of their family members. People are willing to spend large amount of money to buy all kinds of stuffs for their pets, such as delicious food, well-quality toys and various clothes. However, some others hold the view that people should spend money for other better uses. From my perspective, I claim that people should spend money on pets more wisely.

First and foremost, it is reasonable and necessary that people purchase food and toys for their pets, but for the clothes and other some decorations, I cannot agree with it. The numerous people put elaborate clothes and decorations on their pets, such as a small cap, the tiny shoes and so on. Even some people spent lots of money to dye or perm the fur to show off their pets’ beauty. For example, my cousin has a puppy named Sara. She always dresses up Sara like a princess with complex suit, small crown or plastic flowers. However, obviously, Sara doesn’t like it anymore, because every time when my cousin wants to put all of these on Sara, she always runs away from her. It shows that these decorations make pets much more uncomfortable instead of enjoyable themselves. Accordingly, it is unnecessary to spend too much money on things like clothes or decorations on pets, which is a way of waste of money.

Furthermore, compared with spending too much money on pets, there are many meaningful things for people to use extra money. People can spend extra money on children’s education and cultivate their interest and hobbies, like play piano or draw oil painting, which can increase their competitive edge. People can spend extra money to travel all over the world and experience the different culture, which can broaden people’s horizon. All of these costs are only make people’s life more colorful, but also more meaningful.

Admittedly, many people may say that they spend large number of money on pets because they love pets and the pets bring them a great amount of joy and relaxation. It is truly that when people feel upset，their pets always stay around with them and console them. Nevertheless, in fact, when pets have their period of depression and want the owner to accompany them, a lot of owners have no time and mood to spend more time with the pets and play with them. Thus, the owners may buy some expensive food or toys to make up their pets instead of pay much attention on their pets.
Based on the points discussed above, we may reasonably draw the conclusion that people should spend money not only more wisely on their pets, but also for better uses. Moreover, they should spend much more time to stay with pets and take care of it more carefully rather than spend too much money to give them materials.

作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-1-11 10:09
妞，你这1.10独立我稍等批啊，我今天写完了过来看。唉，搞什么，今天又得出去，无语。。。

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2013-1-15 00:04
标题: 改9号独立！
独立写作
不好意思，改晚了！

Nowadays, more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money.

No one can deny that pets are the best friends of human beings. Nowadays, an increasing number of people consider pets as an indivisible part of their family members. People are willing to spend large amount of money to buy all kinds of stuffs for their pets, such as delicious food, well-quality toys and various clothes. However, some others hold the view that people should spend money for other better uses. From my perspective, I claim that people should spend money on pets more wisely.

First and foremost, it is reasonable and necessary that people purchase food and toys for their pets, but for the clothes and other some decorations, I cannot agree with it. The（可以去掉哦） numerous people put elaborate clothes and decorations on their pets, such as a small cap, the tiny shoes and so on. Even some people spent lots of money to dye or perm the fur to show off their pets’ beauty. For example, my cousin has a puppy named Sara. She always dresses up Sara like a princess with complex suit, small crown or plastic flowers. However, obviously, Sara doesn’t like it anymore, because every time when my cousin wants to put all of these on Sara, she always runs away from her. It shows that these decorations make pets much more uncomfortable instead of enjoyable themselves. Accordingly, it is unnecessary to spend too much money on things like clothes or decorations on pets, which is a way of waste of money.

Furthermore, compared with spending too much money on pets, there are many meaningful things for people to use extra money. People can spend extra money on children’s education and cultivate their interest and hobbies, like play piano or draw oil painting, which can increase their competitive edge. People can spend extra money to travel all over the world and experience the different culture, which can broaden people’s horizon. All of these costs ~~are~~（cannot） only make people’s life more colorful, but also more meaningful.

Admittedly, many people may say that they spend large number of money on pets because they love pets and the pets bring them a great amount of joy and relaxation. It is truly（true）that when people feel upset，their pets always stay around with them and console them. Nevertheless, in fact, when pets have their period of depression and want the owner to accompany them, a lot of owners have no time and mood to spend more time with the pets and play with them. Thus, the owners may buy some expensive food or toys to make up their pets instead of pay much attention on their pets.（后面可以再加点说，语气花钱给他们买这些玩具什么的，还不如多花点时间陪它们。。这样就更好让步了。）
Based on the points discussed above, we may reasonably draw the conclusion that people should spend money not only more wisely on their pets, but also for better uses. Moreover, they should spend much more time to stay with pets and take care of it more carefully rather than spend too much money to give them materials.

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