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标题: 第一次写Issue，求各位大侠一拍~ [打印本页]

作者: 杨姝云 时间: 2012-11-20 16:15
标题: 第一次写Issue，求各位大侠一拍~

题目：

In any field—business, politics, education, government—those in powershould be required to step down after five years.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explainyour reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing thepolicy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

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The speaker asserts that in any field, leaders of them should be requiredto step down after five years. From my point of view, this claim is toocategorical because the speaker doesn't consider the differences between those fields.I think that in political arena, those in power should step down from thethrone while in other fields such as business and education, it is now alwaystrue.

If we give a close look into politics, we can see that political influencefrom a leader is always strong. For instance, let's consider a president who isalways adulating riches, say an extreme Republican, if he is power for a longtime, poor people will become poorer and poorer. This will lead to resentmentfrom people who are not that wealthy. And those people will demonstrate or eventopple the government, and the country will in a mess. If people can choosetheir political leaders every several years, such kind of things can beavoided. Furthermore, a president is always not allowed to take a step just by himself.There always be a procedure made by representatives, senates and even people inthe nation before a bill is make. In this sense, a president will not makesevere mistakes in general. In other words, there will be not necessarily longtime for a president to make trial and error before he get used to public. Inthis case, those in power's being required to step down every five years is agood choice and is also an effective and also commonly used way to avoidautocrats like Hitler.

If we know something in the business field, we can easily see that CEOsshouldn't be changed too frequently. It's well known that the CEO in formerApple, Steve Jobs, or the CEO in Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, had been the leaderof the firm for a long time. Those leaders in business field are always filledwith extraordinary ideas as well as mature management skills. It always takes arelatively long time before the ideas come true. If those in power change everyfive years, they hardly have time to stretch out what's in their mind, and finally,the prosper blueprints will become totally mirage.

In the education field, I don't think we should drive away our principlesor chancellors frequently. In the one hand, it's very similar to what happensin business firms. On the other hand, principles have to make policies or rulesfor students after considering a long time and experiencing a lot or gettingfamiliar to students. We can see that most of the basic rules in HarvardUniversity have been kept for more than 200 years. It indicates that thoserules are the symbol of a school and the principles at the very beginning hadconsidered and also experienced a lot by trial and error before put it intopractice. It must have taken a long time to make the rules reasonable andeffective. Therefore, changing principles too often will no doubt hamper thedevelopment of a blooming school.

To sum up, whether the speaker's assertion is right depends on specificfields. It can be proved true in politics. However, it contradicts the facts insome other areas. We can imagine that if such a policy, which is requiringthose in power to step down after five years, is applied to each corner of thesociety, our future will be ruined.

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-11-21 11:17
段落之间最好有一些连接转折次，这样帮助读者跟着你的思路。

作者: 杨姝云 时间: 2012-11-21 15:12
多谢普渡哥指点~~~

作者: 夜殇月痕 时间: 2012-11-22 17:01
我觉得你写的很语无伦次，首先你说speaker在考虑问题的时候太绝对没有指出每个领域的difference----这里就会给别人一个hint那就是你会指出每个领域的difference可是没有。其次，段与段之间缺乏一种衔接或者递进的感觉。
其次，在写每一句的时候你应该清楚这句话要怎么为你每段的ts服务，比方说你的第一段，政治领域应该换届--原因是不换届穷人会更穷，富人会更富，接着你话锋一转开始描写议员，会议对总统的约束=== 这些和换届根本没有必然联系。
再有最后一段，学校的领导人就算每5年换届一次，也不代表rules会变化。你这是强加因果。
最后我想说，句式方面你应该尽量用一些比较书面的句式，而不是I think, we think，这样主观臆断句。要让你的文章显得比较 formal一点~~~嗯~~~~
建议下笔之前先看看ISSUE范文，明白了文章的structure再自己recreate~~~~

作者: 杨姝云 时间: 2012-11-23 03:22
夜殇点评的真好，我确实经常写作文的时候逻辑性不是太强，以后希望还诸位大侠多加指点，小女先谢过了~~~

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