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标题: penny的作文帖——和那个看见作文就胆怯的我说拜拜 [打印本页]
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 00:44
标题: penny的作文帖——和那个看见作文就胆怯的我说拜拜
第一次做发帖这么高调的事情，实在是对自己写作水平忍无可忍了。开始练习写文章。希望大N和各位队友多多指教。
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 00:51
11月14号作业
先发一篇，综合明天补。为什么总是写到400字就再写不多了呢？gap啊，求码字秘诀，求指教~
ps没检查，估计有好多语法错误啊，帮我改的童鞋包涵一下
独立写作
Whichof the following factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? Good food,good location or good friends with you? 2012.04.20NA
Perhaps having a pleasant vacation is one of the most enjoyablethings for people in the world. Despite various response people may have aboutthe topic which factor contributes the most for a perfect vacation, I, given thechance, prefer to endorse that it is good friends with you that make thevacation, somewhat smooth, interesting, and memorable.
First, a helpful friend is like a magic bag, because when you havetroubles, he or she will always come out and save you from the awkwardsituation. I still remember the accident happened last year when I climbed the MountHua, which is one of the most arduous mountains, accompanied by my room-mates. Onthe way down the hill, I fell down, hurt my knee, and could not walk. Myroommates helped carry my bag and sent me back. So when you encounter anydifficulties in your vacation, a friend with you will save you from unexpected unfortunate.
Furthermore, a pleasant trip could not be without a funny friend.You may have the experience that sharing interesting things along the way,tasting delicious food and taking good photos together are of great enjoyment. Itis dismal finding there is nobody, when you want to share your feelings about,perhaps an exciting things you see on your trip. Moreover, if you are bored, heor she can come up with various methods to make you happy, for example, tellingan interesting story or legends about the destination.
Finally, it is definitely more meaningful and memorable to have afellow, especially someone knowledgeable in your vacation. Some people travelfor fun, for food, for beautiful sightings, while some people travel for a changethat goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. If there is a friendwho has a better understanding of the significance lies in the vacation and aprofound view of the philosophy in lives, he or she will definitely informs youwith precious knowledge, and you can learna lot, thus receive a change in the ideas of living after having the vacation.
After ruminating these factors above, I amfully convinced that while food, location are inseparable parts in a vacation,it is undeniable that the accompany of good friends contributes the most in a successfulvacation, because good friends help save people from dilemma, bring happiness,help get a better understanding in idea of living.
作者: 苗苗心圃G 时间: 2012-11-15 09:37
同学，队长安排11.14独立是咱俩互批哦，我的地址是http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-783397-1-1.html
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 09:57
好的，希望你批评指正，我会尽力改的~
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 09:59
先发下，综合写作11月14号作业
TPO22
The professor actually contradicts the statements made in thepassage. He is of the view that ethanol fuel is a good alternative to gasolinein the United State and offers three specific points.
First, according to the professor, the use of ethanol fuel will not add tothe global warming. It is admitted that the use of this ethanol fuel releases carbon dioxide, but the total amount of carbon dioxide made by the ethanol will not increase. Since this fuel is made of plants, such as corns, the growing plants actually absorb carbon dioxide as one source of their nutrition.Consequently, the use of this fuel helps reduce the amount of the green house gas.
Further, contrary to belief in the passage that ethanol dramatically reduces the amount of plants available for other uses, the professor asserts that ethanol does not have to reduce the amount of plants for feeding. To bespecific, ethanol can be made by a kind of plant that will not be eaten by animals, thus will not occupy the part of plants used for feeding.
Finally, the professor also points out that the price of ethanol will compete that of the gasoline in the long run. He said that though the lowprice of this fuel is currently maintained by the support from government, asthe consumption of ethanol keeps growing, the price of it will eventuallydecrease. If the consumption of the ethanol grows three times as much as theamount of now, the price of producing the fuel is likely to drop 40%. Thismakes the final argument in the passage indefensible.
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, who uses three contradictory points to weaken the argument.
作者: 苗苗心圃G 时间: 2012-11-15 10:24
这是我批改的，如有问题，还请多包含
Which of the following factor contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? Good food,good location or good friends with you? 2012.04.20NA
Perhaps having（建议用taking，不知各位观点如何） a pleasant vacation is one of the most enjoyablethings(这里LZ是忘记空格了吧) for people in the world. Despite various response（response是复数吧，这里应该加s） people may have aboutthe（亲，忘记空格了哦） topic which factor contributes the（建议去掉） most for a perfect vacation,（用句号比较好） I, given thechance（又木有空格，总觉得这个短语读着很别扭，可以换成：”If I get a chance to select, I will…..”这是我的想法，仅供参考哦）, prefer to endorse（可以去掉，后面直接跟着prefer比较好） that it is good friends with you that make thevacation（1.it is good friends…单复数错误。2. thevacation忘记空格。3.句子想表达的意思可以理解，但是表达上有问题）, somewhat smooth（用来形容vacation似乎不怎么恰当）, interesting, and memorable.
First, a helpful friend is like a magic bag, because when you havetroubles（空格）, he or she will always come out and save you from the awkwardsituation（空格）. I still remember the accident happened last year when I climbed the MountHua（空格）, which is one of the most arduous（这个词好像多形容工作或者任务什么的经历严峻考验，形容山的话，用steep貌似更恰当一些） mountains, accompanied by（建议换成with） my room-mates（中间不需要加“-”，直接写成roommate就好）. Onthe（空格） way down the hill, I fell down, hurt(建议换成injured） my knee, and could not walk. Myroommates（空格） helped carry my bag and sent me back. So when you encounter anydifficulties（空格） in your vacation, a friend with you will save you from unexpected unfortunate（后面应该跟个名词才是）.
Furthermore, a pleasant trip could not be without a funny friend.You may have the experience that sharing interesting things along the way,tasting（逗号后木有空格） delicious food and taking good photos together are of great enjoyment. It is（空格） dismal finding there is nobody（finding后应该加that）, when you want to share your feelings about,perhaps an exciting things you see on your trip. Moreover, if you are bored, heor（这个是人名吗？）she（如果heor是人名，那这句俩个主语叠加且中间没有任何连词神马的，不对啊） can come up with various methods to make you happy, for example, tellingan（空格，这里tell不应该加ing） interesting story or legends about the destination.
Finally, it is definitely more meaningful and memorable to have afellow（空格）, especially someone knowledgeable in your vacation. Some people travelfor（空格） fun, for food, for beautiful sightings（去掉s）, while some people travel for a changethat（空格）goes（去掉es） on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. If there is a friendwho（空格） has a better understanding of the significance lies in the vacation and aprofound（空格） view of the philosophy in lives, he or she will definitely informs youwith（空格） precious knowledge, and you can learna（拼写错误） lot, thus receive a change in the ideas of living after having the vacation.
After ruminating these factors above, I amfully（空格） convinced that while（建议改成though） food, location are inseparable parts in a vacation,it is undeniable that the accompany of good friends contributes the most in a successfulvacation（空格）, because good friends help save people from dilemma, bring happiness,help get a better understanding in idea of living.
建议：
觉得文章整体思路还是清晰的，但是很多句子的表达上会有一些问题。
1、空格，文中有很多词与词之间忘记空格
2、句子表达，有个别句子，可以理解你的意思，但是你表达的似乎有问题，而且有的句子里有很多短句，很容易使句子结构和表达上产生问题，建议多看一看杨鹏长难句，会有帮助
3、用词，我觉得LZ用词上没有太多重复，但是有的词用的不算恰当
祝好！
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 10:36
这是我批改的，如有问题，还请多包含
Which of the following factor contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? Good food,good location or good friends with you? 2012.04.20NA
Perhaps having（建议用taking，不知各位观点如何） a pleasant vacation is one of the most enjoyablethings(这里LZ是忘记空格了吧) for people in the world. Despite various response（response是复数吧，这里应该加s） people may have aboutthe（亲，忘记空格了哦） topic which factor contributes the（建议去掉） most for a perfect vacation,（用句号比较好） I, given thechance（又木有空格，总觉得这个短语读着很别扭，可以换成：”If I get a chance to select, I will…..”这是我的想法，仅供参考哦）, prefer to endorse（可以去掉，后面直接跟着prefer比较好） that it is good friends with you that make thevacation（1.it is good friends…单复数错误。2. thevacation忘记空格。3.句子想表达的意思可以理解，但是表达上有问题）, somewhat smooth（用来形容vacation似乎不怎么恰当）, interesting, and memorable.
First, a helpful friend is like a magic bag, because when you havetroubles（空格）, he or she will always come out and save you from the awkwardsituation（空格）. I still remember the accident happened last year when I climbed the MountHua（空格）, which is one of the most arduous（这个词好像多形容工作或者任务什么的经历严峻考验，形容山的话，用steep貌似更恰当一些） mountains, accompanied by（建议换成with） my room-mates（中间不需要加“-”，直接写成roommate就好）. Onthe（空格） way down the hill, I fell down, hurt(建议换成injured） my knee, and could not walk. Myroommates（空格） helped carry my bag and sent me back. So when you encounter anydifficulties（空格） in your vacation, a friend with you will save you from unexpected unfortunate（后面应该跟个名词才是）.
Furthermore, a pleasant trip could not be without a funny friend.You may have the experience that sharing interesting things along the way,tasting（逗号后木有空格） delicious food and taking good photos together are of great enjoyment. It is（空格） dismal finding there is nobody（finding后应该加that）, when you want to share your feelings about,perhaps an exciting things you see on your trip. Moreover, if you are bored, heor（这个是人名吗？）she（如果heor是人名，那这句俩个主语叠加且中间没有任何连词神马的，不对啊） can come up with various methods to make you happy, for example, tellingan（空格，这里tell不应该加ing） interesting story or legends about the destination.
Finally, it is definitely more meaningful and memorable to have afellow（空格）, especially someone knowledgeable in your vacation. Some people travelfor（空格） fun, for food, for beautiful sightings（去掉s）, while some people travel for a changethat（空格）goes（去掉es） on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. If there is a friendwho（空格） has a better understanding of the significance lies in the vacation and aprofound（空格） view of the philosophy in lives, he or she will definitely informs youwith（空格） precious knowledge, and you can learna（拼写错误） lot, thus receive a change in the ideas of living after having the vacation.
After ruminating these factors above, I amfully（空格） convinced that while（建议改成though） food, location are inseparable parts in a vacation,it is undeniable that the accompany of good friends contributes the most in a successfulvacation（空格）, because good friends help save people from dilemma, bring happiness,help get a better understanding in idea of living.
建议：
觉得文章整体思路还是清晰的，但是很多句子的表达上会有一些问题。
1、空格，文中有很多词与词之间忘记空格
2、句子表达，有个别句子，可以理解你的意思，但是你表达的似乎有问题，而且有的句子里有很多短句，很容易使句子结构和表达上产生问题，建议多看一看杨鹏长难句，会有帮助
3、用词，我觉得LZ用词上没有太多重复，但是有的词用的不算恰当
祝好！
-- by 会员 苗苗心圃G (2012/11/15 10:24:20)
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-11-15 11:09
互改的很认真！
克服心理障碍哈，加油~~
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-15 20:55
TPO22
The professor actually contradicts the statements made in the passage. He is of the view that ethanol fuel is a good alternative to gasolinein（小粗心） the United State and offers three specific points.
First, according to the professor, the use of ethanol fuel will not add to the global warming. It is admitted that the use of this ethanol fuel releases carbon dioxide, but the total amount of carbon dioxide made by the ethanol will not increase. Since this fuel is made of plants, such as corns, the growing plants actually absorb carbon dioxide as one source of their nutrition. Consequently, the use of this fuel helps reduce the amount of the green house gas.
Further, contrary to belief (建议前面加个the限定下)in the passage that ethanol dramatically reduces the amount of plants available for other uses, the professor asserts that ethanol does not have to reduce the amount of plants for feeding. To be specific, ethanol can be made by a kind of plant that will not be eaten by animals, thus will not occupy the part of plants used for feeding.
Finally, the professor also points out that the price of ethanol will compete that of the gasoline in the long run. He said that though the low price of this fuel is currently maintained by the support from government, as the consumption of ethanol keeps growing, the price of it will eventually decrease. If the consumption(亮点词汇) of the ethanol grows three times as much as the amount of (去掉of)now, the price of producing the fuel is likely to drop 40%. This makes the final argument in the passage indefensible.(亮点词汇)
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, who uses three contradictory points to weaken the argument.(总结简洁有力)
这篇综合听写不错, 语言功底扎实. Excellent ! 建议把你那个professor多换换吧~特多了点~
PS,我的上传了,地址是: http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 22:08
TPO22
The professor actually contradicts the statements made in the passage. He is of the view that ethanol fuel is a good alternative to gasolinein（小粗心） the United State and offers three specific points.
First, according to the professor, the use of ethanol fuel will not add to the global warming. It is admitted that the use of this ethanol fuel releases carbon dioxide, but the total amount of carbon dioxide made by the ethanol will not increase. Since this fuel is made of plants, such as corns, the growing plants actually absorb carbon dioxide as one source of their nutrition. Consequently, the use of this fuel helps reduce the amount of the green house gas.
Further, contrary to belief (建议前面加个the限定下)in the passage that ethanol dramatically reduces the amount of plants available for other uses, the professor asserts that ethanol does not have to reduce the amount of plants for feeding. To be specific, ethanol can be made by a kind of plant that will not be eaten by animals, thus will not occupy the part of plants used for feeding.
Finally, the professor also points out that the price of ethanol will compete that of the gasoline in the long run. He said that though the low price of this fuel is currently maintained by the support from government, as the consumption of ethanol keeps growing, the price of it will eventually decrease. If the consumption(亮点词汇) of the ethanol grows three times as much as the amount of (去掉of)now, the price of producing the fuel is likely to drop 40%. This makes the final argument in the passage indefensible.(亮点词汇)
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, who uses three contradictory points to weaken the argument.(总结简洁有力)
这篇综合听写不错, 语言功底扎实. Excellent ! 建议把你那个professor多换换吧~特多了点~
PS,我的上传了,地址是: http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last
-- by 会员 lizchang1990 (2012/11/15 20:55:35)
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-15 23:47
互改的很认真！
克服心理障碍哈，加油~~
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/15 11:09:47)
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-17 18:01
11月16号作业
It is impossible to be completely honest with your friends.
Friendship may be one of the most beautiful things in the whole world. And people are taught to be always honest with friends when they are young. It is admitted that honesty is the foundation of a lasting friendship, however, when concern about whether it is important for people to be completely honest with their friends, I, given the chance, would prefer to endorse that it is impossible and less helpful to do so.
It isuniversally accepted that honesty is one of the most essential virtue forpeople to develop a friendship. Without being honest, people may lose trustfrom their friends and the friendship comes to an end. Nevertheless, being"dishonest" does mean people would do anything bad or hurt theirfriends. White lies, under some circumstances, are actually helpful and helpfriends get through hard times.
First, being "dishonest" helps friend exert the best he or she would. When people encounter a challenge, which seems impossible to conquer, an encouragement or compliment, which may be a white lie, from friends gives he or she the strength to endeavor. I still remember the time when I was preparing the GMAT test. Since I had rare energy after working in the daytime and had to prepare for the examination in17 days, I was really desperate and in a low mood. I confide my situation to one of my friends and he said "You are the cleverest girl I have ever met and I am fully convinced that you can make it!" Though I know what he said was obviously not true, his white lie actually gave me great courage and strength and eventually helped me succeed.
Moreover, white lies help people, who suffer terrible disease, relief their stress and give them hope for life. Life is a road full of changes, and people have to face misfortune in a certain period in their lifetime. Doctors, families trend to not tell patients the truth of their disease to remove their pressure and help them to have the chance to stand up again. Consequently, dishonesty is sometimes a kind of virtue which comes out of love and help the people who suffers to have faith.
People should be honest with their friends in mosttime and cherish the precious affection. But when friends are in adversities,like these situations above, I am convinced that being "dishonest" issometimes casts lights in their unbearable long evenings, helping you friends dotheir best to conquer a challenge and be filling with courage and hope whenthey in hard situations.
实在不知道咋写啊，point写的结构不清，修改的同学见谅
作者: 茜望的天空 时间: 2012-11-23 19:26
文章第一段和最后一段的模板痕迹太重了，要我是考官我会反感的。而且很容易和别人雷同。
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-23 20:14
文章第一段和最后一段的模板痕迹太重了，要我是考官我会反感的。而且很容易和别人雷同。
-- by 会员 茜望的天空 (2012/11/23 19:26:08)
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-23 20:15
11月22号 独立Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are morelikely to help others than young people in the past.
Being the future owner of the world, the young generation has not suffered from wars, the Great Depression or many other disasters, but enjoyed the achievement made by their ancestors and the unconditional love from their parents. With this fact, many people cast doubt on the ability and willingness ofthe young to help others. However, I am convinced that the young people todayare more capable and willing to help others than young people in the past.
Young people nowadays are better educated than the past, which helpsthem bear the consciousness of helping others.Young people are taught to be helpful since they are children by their parents.After the young enter school, “being generous in giving help”is always the essential part in classes taught by teachers. It is universallyacknowledged that education plays a great influence in forming the charactersof a person, thus this generation bear this traditional virtue and try theirbest to assist whenever help is needed. Numerous little things can be observedin our daily life, for example, young people always ready to offer seats forthe elders on the buses and help direct the way for strangers in the cities.So, better education ensures the awareness of helping others embeds in the mindof the young and guide young people’s action.
Also, the young are more ready to offer and receive help to reach awin-win situation. Young people nowadays have a much more open mind and like toharness numerous medium to gather information by exchanging resources. Forexample, there are many famous search engines and forums, such as Goolge andBaidu, through which, the young offer help by answering people’s questions and receiving help by searching the answers they would like to get. I really appreciatethe advices I got from a famous forum, Chasedream. A great number of problemsare solved by the warmhearted young students who offer their precious solutions about the preparation and puzzles about TOEFL or GMAT test. Apparently, young peoplelike to utilize the high technology, offer help and create mutual benefits.
Nevertheless, the better living condition today enables the young to outstretch their “helping hands” to others. Not suffered from starve or poverty,the young have enough energy to care about the people around them. Many young people act as volunteers in social or even international events. In the Olympic Games held every four years, you can see many young smiling faces, showing welcome and providing helps to guests from different countries Moreover,donations from young people to charitable organizations are quiet a largeamount than ever before. It is the advanced living condition that frees theyoung from only cares about themselves.
To sum up, with consciousness of helping others, win-win effect and favorable condition the young undertakes their social responsibility and always be generous in giving help to others. Present rose to others with remaining fragrance athand.
作者: mia1201 时间: 2012-11-24 13:49
Being the future owner of the world, the younggeneration has not suffered from wars, the Great Depression or many otherdisasters, but enjoyed the achievement made by their ancestors and theunconditional love from their parents. With this fact, many people cast doubt on the ability andwillingness ofthe young to help others. However, I am convinced that theyoung people todayare more capable and willing to help others than young people (可改为those避免重复) in the past.
Young people nowadays are better educated than the past,which helpsthem bear the consciousness of helping others.Young people aretaught to be helpful since they are children by their parents（by parents放到helpful后面可能语序更好，如…taught to be helpful by their parents at an early age）.After the young enter school, “being generousin giving help”is always the essential part in classes taught by teachers. Itis universallyacknowledged that education plays a great influence (plays an important role / exertinfluence upon ) in forming thecharactersof a person, thus this generation bear this traditional virtue andtry theirbest to assist whenever help is needed. Numerous little things can beobservedin our daily life, 此处应该为句号 for example, young people (are) always ready to offer seats forthe elders onthe buses and help direct the way for strangers in the cities.So, bettereducation ensures the awareness of helping others, embeds in the mind of theyoung and guides young people’s action.
Also, the young are more ready to offer and receive help toreach awin-win situation. Young people nowadays have a much more open mind andlike to harness numerous medium to gather information by exchanging resources.Forexample, there are many famous search engines and forums, such as GoolgeandBaidu, through which, the young offer help by answering people’s questionsand receiving help by searching the answers they would like to get (they need). I really appreciatethe advices I got from afamous forum, Chasedream. A great number of problemsare solved by thewarmhearted young students who offer their precious solutions about thepreparation and puzzles about TOEFL or GMAT test. Apparently, young peopleliketo utilize the high technology, offer help and create mutual benefits.
Nevertheless（此处是递进为何要用转折？）, the better living condition today enables the young to outstretch their “helping hands”to others. Not suffered from starve (starvation) or poverty,the younghave enough energy to care about the people around them. Many young people actas volunteers in social or even international events. In the Olympic Games heldevery four years, you can see many young smiling faces, showing welcome andproviding helps to guests from different countries Moreover,donations fromyoung people to charitable organizations are quiet a largeamount (可改为…account for quite a large proportion…更好) than ever before. It is the advanced livingcondition that frees theyoung from only cares about themselves. （生活条件变好——更乐于助人这个逻辑可以借用，多谢^^）
To sum up, with consciousness of helping others, win-wineffect and favorable condition the young undertakes their social responsibilityand always be generous in giving help to others. Present rose to others with remaining fragrance at hand.
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-25 00:23
Thanks!
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2012-11-25 00:26
11月24号 独立写作请见本帖11# 谢谢11月24号 综合写作
The professor actually contradicts the statements about salvage logging made in the reading passage. She is of the view that although removing the remains of dead trees helps little after disasters, it may lead longer damage and it is not as beneficial as described in the passage.
First, according to the lecture, removing the dead trees does not create favorable condition for fresh tree to grow immediately. Actually, the decomposition of remains of the dead trees enables the soil filled with nutrition, which will benefit the future growth of the new trees. And rapid removal of the trees will make negative effects by leaving the soil lacks necessary nutrients for growth.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that salvage logging helps reduce the dangers of insect infestation, the professor asserts that the increaseof insects does little harm to the trees. The spruce bark beetle has lived inAmerica for almost a hundred years, without doing harm to the spruce. Moreover,the insects are often utilized by animals, which are essential contributors thathelp forest from being damaged, such as birds and other insects. Consequently, thoughthe number of the insects may increase, it will benefit the forest in long-round.
Finally, the professor also points out that the economic benefits of the salvage logging is small and notlong lasting. Since helicopters and other facilities are needed to assist removal,it will cost a considerable amount of money for people to use and maintain theseequipments. Also, the project often needs outside workers with more experience ratherthan the local people. Extra positions will not be achieved. This makes thelast point in the passage indefensible.
In conclusion,the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, who usesthree contradictory points to weaken the argument.
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-4-28 21:07
tpo09 综合
The professor actually contradicts the statement made in the passage that the fuel-cell engine has more advantages over internal-combustion engines and will replace them in the future. He is of the view that though the internal-combustion engines do have some defects, the fuel-cell engine is not the solution to these problems.
First, according to the lecturer, the hydrogen is not available, which indicates that the rescores for the new engine will also be scarce. He says that hydrogen cannot be directly obtained from water. To be specific, in order to be usable to the fuel-cell engine, the hydrogen should be obtained in liquid state first, which is an artificial substance. Also, pure hydrogen is hard to keep and consumes a lot of energy. It needs to be kept in extremely low temperature.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that the hydrogen-based fuel cells will be more environmentally friendly, the professor states that although engine which uses hydrogen produces less pollution, the process of producing the hydrogen creates more. Actually, it needs a large amount of energy, which is produced by burning oil and coal and produces harmful by-products.
Finally, the professor also points out that it will be highly expensive to manufacture the hydrogen cell engine. One kind of expensive metal, platinum, is an indispensible factor in the chemical reaction of producing energy. And no cheaper alternative has been found. This makes the final economically competitive point indefensible.
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor who uses three points to weaken the argument.
限时写的，没思考就堆上去了。先交着吧。
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-13 20:43
5月12号 作业
独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict.
With the development of modern society, we can easily perceive young people busy engage in their study, works and many other stuffs. This contributes to an idea belief that the rules that the society today expect the young to follow are too strict. However, I disagree. I believe rules that society set for young people are actually much looser than the past.
First, due to the convertion of people’s concept, the whole society is becoming more willing and capable to show understanding and pardon to the young’s behavior. Numerous rules which are necessary in the past are not in requirements, such as some etiquette. For instance, students are demanded to respect teachers and treat them as an elder like our parents in the past. Students may have to make a blow when he sees a teacher. But now the young can be both friends and students with teachers. Less etiquette is needed and young people can communicate more freely with the seniors.
Furthermore, the whole society is actually showing more concern and paying more attention to the conditions of the young. Instead of forcing young people to cater its criterions, society desires to assist the young to achieve a bright and happy future. A large number of media focus on the problems incurred in juveniles’ growth. In the last year, Topics in Focus, which is the top famous news program in China, made a report about the severe internet addition happened in juveniles, aged from 14 to 18. In this report, it reveals the horrible negative effect that internet addition made to both the physical and mental conditions of the young and make suggestion to parents to help the young people avoid being addicted. Thus, with the care from society young people will have better opportunity to realize a favorable development.
Admittedly, nowadays, as the competition between people become fiercer, it is inevitably for the young to be required to become expertise in different areas. Young people have to obtain knowledge in numerous areas, if they want to have a better performance in their work. For example, if an employ in the art auction house should not just be sophisticated in aesthetics and the evaluation of a masterpiece, but also in the principle of accounting and financial management. This tendency is attributed to the integration and industry in modern world. Consequently, young people need to spare more effort to meet the qualification of a job, but basic rules set by society should not bear the major responsibility.
To sum up, Society has more tolerance to young people’s behavior and actually cares more about the young. Though young people need to acquire more skills to achieve success in career, the basic rules that society set for the young are not stricter than those in the past.
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-13 20:44
5月12号作业
综合TPO17
The professor actually contradicts the statement made in the reading that the growth of human population, increasing in agriculture and use of pesticide will decrease the number of birds in the United States. She is of the view that these three reasons are unconvincing and offers three points.
First, according to the lecture, it is true that growing settlements sometimes do harm to the birds habitats, the urban cities actually provide better and bigger habitats for birds. To be specific, people often complain the enormous population of seagulls at landfills and pigeons in streets. And hawks can be seen praying the increasing number of rots in cities. This suggests that the number of different kinds of birds is not uniformly declined.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that growing agriculture will lead to further destruction of bird’s habitats, the professor asserts that in the United States, every year less and less land are used for agriculture. This is because more productive plants are introduced, which means people can harvest more quantity of food in per area. Thus less and less land will be needed to be converted into farmland and habitats of birds will not diminish.
Finally, the professor also points out that the pesticide will be a less harmful factor to the birds. She said that it is wrong to project history to the future. People are now aware of the drawback of traditional pesticide to the environment and two major changes will happen. First, the pesticide will be less toxic to the birds due to the new technology. For another thing, people will grow new pest-resisted plants, thus much less pesticides will be used. Both these two advancements will minimize the harmfulness of pesticides to birds.
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor who uses three contradictory points to weaken the argument.
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-13 21:09
不好意思写错了，再发一篇综合
5月12号作业TPO19
The student, who is a part-time phone service buzzer, actually contradicts the statements made in the reading passage. He is of the view that consumers can get the truth in buzzing and state three specific points.
First, according to the lecture, it is not true that buzzing will give consumers incorrect information. Companies hire person who has used their products and think their products is favorable. Thus, buzzing is not like original advertisements that recruit people to lie. Although the buzzers get paid from the company, they talk about what their authentic feeling about products. So buzzing will not give consumers incorrect information about the buzzed product.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that consumers become less critical when listen to the buzzers, the student asserts that consumers remain clear and skeptical when buzzed. To be specific, they questioned the details, such as price, service and the buzzer’s familiarity before they make the final responses. If the buzzers fail to give consumers satisfying answers, consumers will not choose to purchase products.
Finally, the professor also points out that it is stupid to believe buzzing will not destroy the trust among people. HE says that companies cannot recruit buzzers if their products are bad. Information the consumers hear from buzzers is not only sincere, it is likely talking about a good product. If consumers gain a nice experience after they use products, they will become more trustful and open to people. This makes the final point in the passage indefensible.
In conclusion, the contents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the student, who uses three contradictory points to weaken the argument.
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-5-13 21:31
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-13 21:09 
不好意思写错了，再发一篇综合
5月12号作业TPO19
The student, who is a part-time phone service buzzer, ...
不好意思不好意思！忘记了！！！我10点半之前一定改好！！！再次道歉！！！
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-5-13 21:46
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-13 21:09
不好意思写错了，再发一篇综合
5月12号作业TPO19
The student, who is a part-time phone service buzzer, ...
The student, who is a part-time phoneservice buzzer, actually contradicts the statements made in the readingpassage. He is of the view that consumers can get the truth in buzzing andstate three specific points.
First, according to the lecture (lecturer?好像都可以？), it is not true that buzzing willgive consumers incorrect information. Companies hire person who has used theirproducts and think their products is favorable. Thus, buzzing is not likeoriginal advertisements that recruit people to lie. Although the buzzers getpaid from the company, they talk about what theirauthentic feeling about products. So buzzing will not give consumers incorrect information about the buzzed product.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that consumers become lesscritical when listen (listening) to the buzzers,the student asserts that consumers remain clear and skeptical when buzzed. Tobe specific, they questioned(虽然后面有before还是不要转换时态了吧) the details,such as price, service and the buzzer’s familiarity before they make the finalresponses. If the buzzers fail to give consumers satisfying answers, consumers will not choose to purchase products.
Finally, the professor also points out that it isstupid to believe buzzing will not destroy the trust(双重否定为肯定，是不是反了？) among people. He saysthat companies cannot recruit buzzers if their products are bad. Informationthe consumers hear from buzzers is not only sincere, it is likely talking abouta good product(木有听出来QAQ). If consumers gain a nice experience after they use products, theywill become more trustful and open to people. This makes the final point in thepassage indefensible.
In conclusion, thecontents in the passage are totally jeopardized by the student, who uses threecontradictory points to weaken the argument.（完全木有要conclusion的概念啊肿么破）
1. 膜拜
2. 受益匪浅
3. 再膜拜
4. 谢谢指导
5. 再次为迟到道歉！！！
作者: 艾米果果 时间: 2013-5-13 23:35
With the development of modern society（后面说的是越来越忙，这句写成In this fiercely competitive era你看会不会比原句与后面联系更强一些？）, we can easily perceive young people busy(busily) engage (busy,engage都是忙于的意思，不知道这样会不会语意思重复)in their study, works and many other stuffs. This contributes to an idea belief that the rules that the society today expect the young to follow are too strict. However, I disagree. I believe rules that society set for young people are actually much looser than that in(比较对象要对等，要不就成rules跟past在比较了)the past.
Firstly（例举论点时一般用first）, due to the convertion of people’s concept, the whole society is becoming more willing and capable to（of,GMAT语法里的固定搭配考点，capable of/able to） show understanding and pardon to the young’s behavior. Numerous rules which are（were） necessary in the past are not in requirements, such as some etiquette. For instance, students are（were） demanded to respect teachers and treated them as an elder like our parents in the past. Students may have to make a blow when hethey（前面只有students哦，注意指代） sees a teacher. But now the young can be both friends and students with teachers. Less etiquette is needed and young people can communicate more freely with the seniors.（例子与分论点有一点点不搭，第一个分论点是people理解原谅youth的行为，但是例举里没有涉及人们观点的变化，而是说students与teather关系的变化，建议在例子中加入这种关系的变化时如何因为人们的态度转变而产生的）
Furthermore, the whole society is actually showing more concern and paying more attention to the conditions of the young. Instead of forcing young people to cater its‘ criterions, society desires to assist the young to achieve a bright（用promising咋样？） and happy future. A large number of media focus on the problems incurred in juveniles’ growth. In the last year, Topics in Focus, which is the top famous news program in China, made a report about the severe internet addition happened in juveniles, aged from 14 to 18. In this report, it reveals the horrible negative effect that internet addition made（用exert咋样？） to both the physical and mental conditions of the young and makes a suggestion to parents to help the young people avoid being addicted. Thus, with the care from society young people will have better opportunity to realize a favorable development.（感觉这一个分论点没有点题，跟rules的关系？还是要强调一下这与rules到底严不严的逻辑关系哦？有时候自己明白那个理儿，考官只有有限的时间读你的writing不一定能马上理解你的逻辑思路）
Admittedly, nowadays, as the competition between people become fiercer, it is inevitably for the young to be required to become expertise in different areas. Young people have to obtain knowledge in numerous areas, if they want to have a better performance （they want to be distinguished in stiff competitions前面说竞争，这里也可以说竞争嘛~~~ ）in their work. For example, if an employ in the art auction house should not just be sophisticated in aesthetics and the evaluation of a masterpiece, but also in the principle of accounting and financial management. This tendency is attributed to the integration and industry in modern world. Consequently, young people need to spare more effort to meet the qualification of a job, butbasic rules set by society should not bear the major responsibility..（亲，既然你选择的是写“一遍倒”型的作文，你的三个分论点就应该是不遗余力的支持自己的观点。不是所写一个让步段不可以，但是admittedly后面的内容只能是“配菜”，真正的重点是but/however转折后面的内容，因为这个内容才是能支持你自己观点的。如果你把与自己总论点相悖的内容写太多了（还举了个反例），这不是在削弱自己的论证么？而且最后这一句basic rules set by society should not bear the major responsibility光所了自己的观点，却不论证，就显得没有说服力啦）
To sum up, Society has more tolerance to young people’s behavior and actually cares more about the young. Though young people need to acquire more skills to achieve success in career, the basic rules that society set for the young are not stricter than those in the past
抱歉现在发修改过来，这两天在赶作业~~~觉得说的不对的地方，请忽视哈~~~~~~
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-14 20:12
5月13号作业
综合TPO20:
The professor actually contradicts the critics made about the ''let it burn" policy in the passage. She is of the view that fire is a common part in natural recycle and it is good way for creating a new environment.
First, according to the lecture, the trees and vegetation become more diverse after the big fire in 1988. The scorched land in Yellowstone's is covered by new plants. And after the big trees were burned out, small plants, which need open and unshaded environment, have this opportunity to thrive in the space where used to be covered by the big ones. Also, some plants started to sprout due to the warmth after the fire.
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that the park wildlife was affected, the professor asserts that the population of the animals in the park recovered to an even larger one after the fire. The land after the fire provides great opportunity and ideal environment for other animals, such as the rabbits and hares. And so does their predators. Thus, the food chain in the park becomes stronger due to the diversity of creatures after the fire.
Finally, the professor also points out that the tourist attraction in the park is not affected by the policy, since the fire does not happen every year like the 1988'. It was the uncommon rare rain fail and try weather that lead to the big fire. Still, a large number of tourists come to the park for sight-seeing after the fire in 1988. This makes the final point in the passage indefensible.
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-14 20:16
anafkn 发表于 2013-5-13 21:46
The student, who is a part-time phoneservice buzzer, actually contradicts the statements made in th ...
不好意思啊，先发给你综合，一会发独立
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-5-14 20:41
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-14 20:12
5月13号作业
综合TPO20:
The professor actually contradicts the critics made about the ''let it burn" ...
修改：5月13号作业
综合TPO20:
The professor actually contradicts the critics made about the ''let itburn" policy in the passage. She is of the view that fire is a common part innatural recycle and it is a good way forcreating a new environment.
First, according to the lecture, the trees and vegetation become more diverseafter the big fire in 1988. The scorched land in Yellowstone's is covered by new plants. And after the bigtrees were burned out, small plants, which need open and un-shaded (果然还是我的听力不过关QAQ) environment, have this opportunity to thrive in the space whereused to be covered by the big ones. Also, some plants started to sprout due to the warmth after thefire.（所以这一句又是我听错了吗QAQ）
Furthermore, contrary to the belief in the passage that the park wildlife wasaffected, the professor asserts that the population of the animals in the parkrecovered to an even larger one after the fire. The land after the fireprovides great opportunity and ideal environment for other animals, such as therabbits and hares. And so does their predators. Thus, the food chain in thepark becomes stronger due to the diversity of creatures after the fire.
Finally, the professor also points out that the tourist attraction in the parkis not affected by the policy, since the fire does not happen every year likethe 1988'. It was the uncommon rare rain fail and try（dry……好不容易找到个错的地方……真是太有成就感了……） weather that leadto the big fire. Still, a large number of tourists come to the park forsight-seeing after the fire in 1988. This makes the final point in the passageindefensible.
小结：
修改的时候其实木有再听一遍，对照了自己写的部分。赶脚：
1. 仰视lz的听力和词汇量
2. 句子结构显得简短清晰，很易懂，这是我的感觉。
3. 跟上次和lz互攻的综合相比，有一点点仓促的感觉（是因为时间吗。。。），也木有总结了（木有总结都写260多呀QAQ）
感觉始终保持在高山仰止好好学习的位置上肿么破~~~~~~~~~~爆发呀小宇宙。。。
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-5-14 20:43
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-14 20:16
不好意思啊，先发给你综合，一会发独立
顺便：那啥，lz不好意思，独立完成后我12：30前改好行么？9：30-11：00中间有事情。。。不好意思啊~~~~~
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-14 23:06
5月13号独立
瞎堆上去的，逻辑也不严密，凑合着帮我改改，见谅啊
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People should buy things made by their own country, even if things of other countries may cost less?
Nowadays，products made by various countries are available for people to purchase, due to the trade liberalization and globalization. When concern whether people are responsible to purchase the goods made by their own country even if things of other countries are less expensive, I believe that it is unwise for people to do so.
First, purchasing things less expensive is favorable to the benefits of consumers’ themselves. Consumers only need to speed less money to enjoy the same amount of utility by choosing to buy less expensive foreign goods. For instance, if people need to buy a new camera, one choice is to purchase a foreign camera which costs $600, and another is a domestic one which costs $680, with the same quality, which will people prefer? It is conceivable that it is wiser to save this $80. People can utilize this amount of money to fulfill other requirements of themselves, such as taking their children to have a nice day in Disneyland. Thus, people’s benefits do be enlarged by choosing more economical merchandise.
Also, the productivity and innovation ability of domestic enterprises will be motivated. Competitions will arise, if consumers are eager to purchase foreign products. In order to maintain the formal market share, enterprises are motivated to lower production cost and make improvements in other aspects of products. The Haier corporation is the leading refrigerator producer in China. It occupied more than 60% market shares in China in the 1990s. Later, when other advanced and cheaper refrigerator brands, such as Siemens were introduced to China, the Haier experienced a drop in market share. To get rid of this plight, Haier research methods to make improvements. Now Haier refrigerator is more economical, energy-saving, beautiful and always meets the requirements of consumers.
Finally, it may trigger negative disorder in the international trade. Trade barriers will arise if people only buy merchandise made by own country. According to the World Trade Organization, market in a country should obey the Non-discriminatory, fair trade principle, which means that people should equally treat foreign merchandises when making their economic decisions. If people treat foreign products as inferiors, things that exported to other countries may also be treated unfriendly and unfairly. Consequently, conflicts and disorders will arise within the world market
To sum up, since people will obtain more economic benefits, domestic enterprises will be motivated and the international trade will be less disordered, it is unnecessary for people to take domestic products as their only choice.
作者: anafkn 时间: 2013-5-15 00:34
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-14 23:06
5月13号独立
瞎堆上去的，逻辑也不严密，凑合着帮我改改，见谅啊
不好意思回复迟了哈。
修改：14 May independent writing
Nowadays，products made by various countries are available for people topurchase, due to the trade liberalizationand globalization. When concerning whetherpeople are responsible to purchase (for purchasing?好像见过的都是beresponsible for doing) the goods made by their owncountry even if things (things 好像很少在文章中单独出现以指代东西) of other countriesare less expensive, I believe that it is unwise for people to do so.
First, purchasing things less expensive is favorable to(for) the benefits of consumers’ themselves.Consumers only need to (直接换成can？因为后面有less了) speed(spend) less money to enjoy the same amount of utility by choosing tobuy less expensive foreign goods. For instance, if people need to buy a newcamera, one choice is to purchase a foreign camera which costs $600, and another is buying (前面是another (choice)吧？那就是另一个“购买行为”的选择) a domestic one whichcosts $680, with the same quality, so which will people prefer? It is conceivable that it iswiser to save this $80. People can utilize this amount of money to fulfillother requirements of themselves (them), such astaking their children to have a nice day in Disneyland. Thus, people’s benefitsdo be enlarged by choosing more economical merchandise.
Also, the productivity and innovation ability of domestic enterprises will bemotivated. Competitions will arise (把arise产生换成be intensified加剧怎么样？), if consumers are eager to purchase foreign products. In order tomaintain the formal market share, enterprises are motivated to lower productioncost and make improvements in other aspects of products. The Haier Corporation is the leading refrigeratorproducer in China (要不加个连接词？takingHaier, the leading refrigerator producer in China as an example ). It occupied more than 60% market shares in China in the 1990s.Later, when other advanced and cheaper refrigerator brands, such as Siemenswere introduced to China, the Haier experienced a drop (好温柔的语气……或者是suffered a sharp fall)in market share. To get rid of this plight, Haier research (searched for) methods to make improvements. Now Haierrefrigerator is more economical, energy-saving, and beautiful and always meetsthe requirements of consumers.
Finally, it (代词指代的行为解释一下咩，比方说改成 purchasing domestic products with higher prices) may trigger negative disorderin the international trade. Trade barriers will arise if people only buy merchandise(对哦，我把这词给忘了) made by their own country. Accordingto the World Trade Organization, market in a country should obey theNon-discriminatory, fair trade principle, which means that people shouldequally treat foreign merchandises when making their economic decisions. Ifpeople treat foreign products as inferiors, things (things好像很少在文章中单独出现以指代东西) that exported to other countries may also notbe treated unfriendly and unfairly. Consequently, conflicts and disorders will arise within the world market.
To sum up, since people will obtain moreeconomic benefits, domestic enterprises will be motivated and the internationaltrade will be less disordered, it is unnecessary for people to take domesticproducts as their only choice.
总结：
1. LZ的综合已经perfect了，独立 on way to thron吧~~~~~~加油~~~~~~~
2. 句子用的和综合一样，都是短促但是意思很明确的，（sigh……跟我拖拖拉拉的说法一点都不一样），不知道托福的考官爱什么风格，不过如果能在句子结构上偶尔有两句比较长的，比如各种Ving状语，并列短语，独立主格结构，可能一口气看下来会感觉变化更多样一点
3. 有一些词，比如things，或者是重复多次使用的词汇，可以考虑换一换
4.总论点：高价购买国货是不必要的，分论点：1. 购买舶来品能为消费者省钱；2. 能促进国内企业竞争力；3. 仅购买国货会导致国际贸易混乱。论点好清楚（TT.TT一定是我自己的脑回路有问题，扯得太不知所以……），例子也有，语言上如果参见2、3，会更好
回复迟了，见谅哈。
还是那种感觉，综合上仰望楼主，独立上（QAQ风格完全不一样啊。。。）共同努力咯
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-15 21:15
艾米果果 发表于 2013-5-13 23:35
With the development of modern society（后面说的是越来越忙，这句写成In this fiercely competitive era ...
首先谢谢果果同学，第一次尝试让步，看了你的点评之后虽然有点要汗颜的感觉，但感觉都说得挺对的。
反思了以下：
1.再写让步时最好把让步段放三个论点之首，这样看起来会更有说服力
2.写文章的时候要注意一些细节，如first， 时态，人称一致的问题
3.一些用词方面要养成更shining的习惯，比如你说的promising，exert等等
4.每段分论点还是要注意一下点题
非常谢谢~
作者: 艾米果果 时间: 2013-5-15 21:37
pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-15 21:15
首先谢谢果果同学，第一次尝试让步，看了你的点评之后虽然有点要汗颜的感觉，但感觉都说得挺对的。
反思 ...
我只是个参考意见哈，不一定对。毕竟写作文的时有限，不一定都能把逻辑思路考虑的那么全面，多练练可定能提高~~~现在要憋一篇作文出来，还是感觉蛮痛苦的。。。不过，加油！！！
作者: pennywu20 时间: 2013-5-15 22:12
anafkn 发表于 2013-5-15 00:34
不好意思回复迟了哈。
修改：14 May independent writing
非常谢谢anafkn同学，谢谢你十分认真的修改，以及分享的感受
做了以下的反思：
1.在较短的时间里，不能很好的使用精准的词汇
2.可以适当使用一些长句，增加文章语言层次感（其实有主意句型的变换，因为追求速度，还有语法知识基本忘完不敢乱写，平时可以注意多用一些）
3.有很多小错误要注意
ps：膜拜真的受不起了，谢谢你了
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