ChaseDream

标题: 小苗作文贴，求各路高人哥哥姐姐弟弟妹妹来指点，尽管拍砖！万分感激！！！ [打印本页]
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-13 13:53
标题: 小苗作文贴，求各路高人哥哥姐姐弟弟妹妹来指点，尽管拍砖！万分感激！！！
俺滴作文功底不是很好，希望各路人马前来指教啊！！！

厚着脸皮登作文，只为作文拿高分！
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-13 13:53
先发个贴，作文稍后交上来
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-13 13:59
题目：Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In this day and age, there is a heated discussion about how to deal with our things when we face them. Some people believe that be patience is usually not a good strategy because we may lose the chances when we spend much time thinking, while others think that being patience is very important for people to make key decisions. As far as I am concerned, I support the second point.

First and foremost, when I face a problem and try to solve it, I should know that not anything can give me one more chance to change my mind. If I make the decision quickly without thinking carefully, I may use up my only one chance and the problem may be not solved finally. Think it over and make a sound decision will help me increase the possibility of succeeding.

In addition, patience is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured over time. Being patience is a good habit so that people can be more positively in their lives. With the high level of possibility of succeeding, we will be more and more confident to ourselves. Just like my older sister, she is patient to her work and take her work carefully. Her manager is satisfied with her and assigns her to many chances to improve. My sister becomes more efficient and patient.

Admittedly, taking action early can help people get more chances to be successful. With the development of the country, the competition is fierce. Many people attempt to improve themselves and gain access to success. If we pay more time to think about it, we may lose the chance quickly because someone has prepared earlier than us. However, patient is what we must be. Withour being patience, we will lose more chances because we will make more mistakes and waste more time to remove our mistakes.

In my opinion, patience is a good strategy and people should take action after thinking about their problems carefully. Only in this way can we succeed easier.

字数不多，写作水平十分有限，希望借此机会有所提高，先谢过了！
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-13 15:05
求助额。。。真的木有人路过看一看，评一评么？
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-14 10:22
11.14独立
Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, good location and with good friends to travel.


It is a very significant decision to select a best and suitable selection to enjoy my favorite vation. With heavy load and stress, I really want to travel with my good friends to both relax myself and release myself.

First of all, I am too busy to join some parties with my friends. So we have little time to share funny experience and get together. Friend is an important part in my life, so I think it is necessary to spend a lot of time communicating with my friends. When we go on a trip, we can take photos, see the beautiful scenery and know more about each other. For instance, once I made a special plan to travel around the sea. I asked three of my friends to take part in this plan and we took a week to travel. Even though we had been such good friends, we knew about each other better than before.

In addition, I can also share happiness with my friends when we travel together. My friends can always bring exciting and interesting stories to me. It helps me forget my stress and come to be real of myself again. Unhealthy method can be removed so that I am covered with happiness. Just like something personal which I do not tell others who I cannot trust, but I can talk to my friends. Some problems can be solved quickly. Admittedly, good food and good location can satisfy my demand of material, yet they cannot meet my requirement of spirit.

Last but not least, when we get into trouble on the travelling, we can discuss how to solve this problem better. We can help and take care of each other without feeling lonely. To go on a enjoyable vacation, it is necessary to ask some good friends to travel.

As far as I am concerned, travel with good friends can bring me much more happy things. Good food can satisfy my stomach, good location can give me a warm home, however, good trip with friends can bring me a enjoyable vacation. Only in this way can I believe that this vacation is deserved and valuable.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline    时间: 2012-11-14 17:57
苗苗是什么时间考试呢？我是用手机上的网，简单扫了扫你的一篇作文，整体感觉是想表达的内容基本都表达出来了，但是可能由于表达的局限不能实现更加精彩的修饰！整个文章结构很好，但是用词的多样性和句子的简洁性还有待提高呀~关于这个方面，我分享一个积累好的词句表达的方法吧~你可以写完作文后自己审视一下，觉得那个表达可能出现的太多，或者哪个词组可能用得不够地道？然后找一个那种英文的词典（推荐朗文）尽量少用中文的词典或网上的翻译，。这些词典上会有相关的词组或近义词包括例句用法等等，一些常用的词句都可以积累！另外就是你可以把你的文章不确定的用法截取下来用google学术搜一搜，这个方法我觉得也是很有用的。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline    时间: 2012-11-14 18:00
还有，推荐你参加我们的写作小分队哟！可以看一下写作小分队大本营的那个帖子，里面的独立作文是最新机经题目，大家互改作文的过程中你也可以学到其他同学的思路，积累好的表达和用法，have a try！
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-14 18:15
还有，推荐你参加我们的写作小分队哟！可以看一下写作小分队大本营的那个帖子，里面的独立作文是最新机经题目，大家互改作文的过程中你也可以学到其他同学的思路，积累好的表达和用法，have a try！
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/14 18:00:16)



非常感谢你的建议，我已经把作文地址贴到写作小分队的贴子里占位了，不知道这算不算是报名呢？
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-14 18:16
苗苗是什么时间考试呢？我是用手机上的网，简单扫了扫你的一篇作文，整体感觉是想表达的内容基本都表达出来了，但是可能由于表达的局限不能实现更加精彩的修饰！整个文章结构很好，但是用词的多样性和句子的简洁性还有待提高呀~关于这个方面，我分享一个积累好的词句表达的方法吧~你可以写完作文后自己审视一下，觉得那个表达可能出现的太多，或者哪个词组可能用得不够地道？然后找一个那种英文的词典（推荐朗文）尽量少用中文的词典或网上的翻译，。这些词典上会有相关的词组或近义词包括例句用法等等，一些常用的词句都可以积累！另外就是你可以把你的文章不确定的用法截取下来用google学术搜一搜，这个方法我觉得也是很有用的。
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/14 17:57:08)



我这个月24号就考试了呢
作者: pennywu20    时间: 2012-11-15 10:31
It is a very significant （significant就好）decision to select a best and suitable selection （感觉表达上好像有点不合适啊~）to enjoy my favorite vation. With heavy load and stress, I really want to travel with my good friends to both relax myself and release myself.（怎么说呢，我觉得这段最好结合题目，提到一下，other factors表达作者的观点，感觉会更切题~）

First of all, I am too busy to join some parties with my friends. So we have little time to share funny experience and get together. Friend is an important part in my life, so I think it is necessary to spend a lot of time communicating with my friends. When we go on a trip, we can take photos, see the beautiful scenery and know more about each other. For instance, once I made a special plan to travel around the sea. I asked three of my friends to take part in this plan and we took a week to travel. Even though we had been such good friends, we knew about each other better than before.（段首第一句最好是段落的主旨句，比如这里可以写having good friends in vacation, we can share funny experience together thus enhance our friendship.后面再展开说原因，这样字数也会多些。下面的段同理）

In addition, I can also share happiness with my friends when we travel together. My friends can always bring exciting and interesting stories to me. It helps me forget my stress and come to be real of myself again. Unhealthy method can be removed so that I am covered with happiness. Just like something personal which I do not tell others who I cannot trust, but I can talk to my friends. Some problems can be solved quickly. Admittedly, good food and good location can satisfy my demand of material, yet they cannot meet my requirement of spirit. （同理。感觉大意还是表达了的）

Last but not least, when we get into trouble on the travelling, we can discuss how to solve this problem better. We can help and take care of each other without feeling lonely（好像串了）. To go on a enjoyable vacation, it is necessary to ask some good friends to travel. （这个point我觉得很好，展开点说哦~）

As far as I am concerned, travel with good friends can bring me much more happy things. Good food can satisfy my stomach, good location can give me a warm home, however, good trip with friends can bring me a enjoyable vacation. Only in this way can I believe that this vacation is deserved and valuable.（最后一段大意是好的，表达上可以参考一下其他文章~）多多包涵！
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-11-15 10:38
It is a very significant （significant就好）decision to select a best and suitable selection （感觉表达上好像有点不合适啊~）to enjoy my favorite vation. With heavy load and stress, I really want to travel with my good friends to both relax myself and release myself.（怎么说呢，我觉得这段最好结合题目，提到一下，other factors表达作者的观点，感觉会更切题~）

First of all, I am too busy to join some parties with my friends. So we have little time to share funny experience and get together. Friend is an important part in my life, so I think it is necessary to spend a lot of time communicating with my friends. When we go on a trip, we can take photos, see the beautiful scenery and know more about each other. For instance, once I made a special plan to travel around the sea. I asked three of my friends to take part in this plan and we took a week to travel. Even though we had been such good friends, we knew about each other better than before.（段首第一句最好是段落的主旨句，比如这里可以写having good friends in vacation, we can share funny experience together thus enhance our friendship.后面再展开说原因，这样字数也会多些。下面的段同理）

In addition, I can also share happiness with my friends when we travel together. My friends can always bring exciting and interesting stories to me. It helps me forget my stress and come to be real of myself again. Unhealthy method can be removed so that I am covered with happiness. Just like something personal which I do not tell others who I cannot trust, but I can talk to my friends. Some problems can be solved quickly. Admittedly, good food and good location can satisfy my demand of material, yet they cannot meet my requirement of spirit. （同理。感觉大意还是表达了的）

Last but not least, when we get into trouble on the travelling, we can discuss how to solve this problem better. We can help and take care of each other without feeling lonely（好像串了）. To go on a enjoyable vacation, it is necessary to ask some good friends to travel. （这个point我觉得很好，展开点说哦~）

As far as I am concerned, travel with good friends can bring me much more happy things. Good food can satisfy my stomach, good location can give me a warm home, however, good trip with friends can bring me a enjoyable vacation. Only in this way can I believe that this vacation is deserved and valuable.（最后一段大意是好的，表达上可以参考一下其他文章~）多多包涵！
-- by 会员 pennywu20 (2012/11/15 10:31:03)




非常感谢！
作者: 苗苗心圃G    时间: 2012-12-6 13:28
12月6日 写作小分队

独立：大学生是否不必到学校上课，只要参加考试就行了？
To meet the requirment of completely development of cities, people pay more attention on studying in universities. They still believe that more knowledge will help them get good jobs and make much more money. The most important thing is that the development of technology can bring benefits to the world to make them enjoy better lives. So some of them hold that students should study hard in the universities and go to classes on time. However, others dispute this idea because they think that it is not useful of that knowledge in the universities so that students do not have to learn and just finish their exams. In my opinion, I agree with the first opinion with the following reasons.

First of all, students can exercise themselves through learning much knowledge and skills. Lots of companies focus on employees` special skills and whole abilities. If students do not study hard in the universities, they will not improve themselves. Just like my teacher, Mr. Zhang, he majored in English in his university. Once he told me that he studied harder than other students so that he often got high grade in his exams. Through studying in the classes, he learnt much knowledge from his teacher and had a lot of interest in English. After all, he found a satisfied job which he really likes.


What is more, when students study in the classes, they can get more chances to talk with their teacher to get more experience. I state that communicating with teachers is significant and necessary to students because teachers` achievement and special experience can enlarge students` scope of view and broaden students` horizon. For instance, Mr. Zhang would like to tell some stories he occurred to us. These stories reflect some important meanings of life. We learnt how to take good care of ourselves and how to insist on our plans and dreams. It is really helpful and useful to us.

Admittedly, some people indicate that the knowledge with students learn has nothing to do with students` future jobs, but they ignore the point that students can not only learn knowledge in the classes, but also improve themselves in the classes. If they just do exam in the universities, they only get proof which proves their existence in the unviersities. They would waste a sea of money and time.


As far as I am concerned, students should take classes in the universities. In addition, it is beneficial and essential for them to develop their future and get good jobs. Only in this way can they realize their value in their universities.





欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/) Powered by Discuz! X3.3